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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:02,736
ADAM:
Who can forget the gruff,
2
00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:04,505
no-nonsense gym teachers
of the '80s?
3
00:00:04,572 --> 00:00:06,307
They were true
athletic authorities
4
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,443
who demanded respect
and ruled our lives
with an iron whistle.
5
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:12,113
None more than
William Penn Academy's
Coach Mellor.
6
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:14,982
Well, aren't you
a tall glass of Gatorade?
7
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,484
Go get 'em, Ricky!
8
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:19,920
After a great deal
of legal wrangling,
9
00:00:19,987 --> 00:00:22,223
I am excited introduce
a new unit...
10
00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,058
Full-contact Red Rover.
11
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,060
Oh!
Ugh!
12
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:28,996
Did I hear somebody say
"full
13
00:00:29,063 --> 00:00:31,999
But like clockwork,
my smother would
always save me
14
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:33,601
from the dangers
of physical movement.
15
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,937
I forced Principal Ball
to give me an advanced copy
of all your units,
16
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:40,074
and my baby is not doing
anything full contact.
17
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:43,344
It's all very embarrassing,
but so worth it.
18
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:47,014
It sure was, till one fateful
day when everything changed.
19
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:49,983
Today, we will be climbing
the celebrated gym rope.
20
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:53,454
Fear not.
This inch and a half
of blue cushion
21
00:00:53,521 --> 00:00:54,922
will probably break
your fall.
22
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:56,724
Goldfarb, kick us off.
23
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:58,058
Sorry, Coach.
24
00:00:58,126 --> 00:01:01,195
My old lady likes to keep
all this on safe ground.
25
00:01:01,262 --> 00:01:04,365
She'll be here
in three, two, one...
26
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:07,000
Mama!
27
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,103
Face it, Goldfarb,
she's a no-show.
28
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:11,105
Time to let the rope
get to know every part of you.
29
00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,974
Thing is, my mom's
doing this whole Bevolution
to reinvent herself
30
00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:15,643
and kind of dropped the ball
on her Schmoopie.
31
00:01:15,709 --> 00:01:16,910
Move!
32
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,280
For the very first time,
I was Momless
33
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,615
and had to face
the infamous rope on my own.
34
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:26,019
And like many gym scrubs
before me, I sucked real bad.
35
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:27,788
Coach believes in you,
kiddo!
36
00:01:27,855 --> 00:01:30,558
Dig down deep!
Failure is not...
37
00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:32,460
And he's coming down!
38
00:01:33,827 --> 00:01:35,095
I'm alive!
39
00:01:35,163 --> 00:01:36,630
Oh, no.
40
00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,132
Coach, you okay?
41
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,401
Pain is just weakness
leaving the body.
42
00:01:40,468 --> 00:01:42,803
Now, make room for me
to acrobatically
43
00:01:42,870 --> 00:01:45,273
leap to my feet
like a jungle cat.
44
00:01:49,743 --> 00:01:51,111
Should I call
Nurse Steve?
45
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:53,847
No need!
Just a tiny sprain!
46
00:01:53,914 --> 00:01:55,783
It is not a tiny sprain!
47
00:01:55,849 --> 00:01:57,718
I've ruptured my C2 vertebra.
48
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:00,321
As a result, I can no longer
aggressively sneeze
49
00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:03,056
or use my full head
to properly whistle.
50
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:06,194
Man, I feel like this is kinda
partially my fault, Coach.
51
00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,895
Oh, it is 100% your fault.
52
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,198
And as such, I will unfairly
put you on a dodgeball team
53
00:02:10,264 --> 00:02:11,532
with a bunch
of weak-armed scrubs
54
00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,434
so you get yours.
55
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:14,535
Game on!
56
00:02:14,602 --> 00:02:15,603
Ah!
57
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:17,338
Let me just grab
a couple ball...
58
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,573
Who did that?
59
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,542
Who laughed at me?
60
00:02:21,609 --> 00:02:23,844
Admit it!
I can't turn my head,
so I couldn't see.
61
00:02:23,911 --> 00:02:25,513
You will not laugh at Coach!
62
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,615
You will respect your
sports leader...
63
00:02:27,681 --> 00:02:28,916
Ah!
64
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,718
* I'm twisted up inside
65
00:02:30,784 --> 00:02:34,288
* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say
66
00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:38,226
* I don't know the future
67
00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,995
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
68
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:44,465
ADAM:
It was March 21st,
1980-something,
69
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:47,368
the week my sister hit an
important college milestone,
70
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:49,270
growing to hate her roommate.
71
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,104
And the tipping point...
72
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,408
A box of chewy fruit snacks.
73
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,776
Have you seen
my Shark Bites?
74
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:57,545
I've seen no Shark Bites.
75
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,847
Weird, because, um,
when I went to class,
76
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:01,549
my Shark Bites were here.
77
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,252
And now, my Shark Bites
are gone!
78
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,754
Are you, like, suggesting
I ate your Shark Bites?
79
00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:09,022
Oh, I'm saying
you ate my Shark Bites.
80
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,624
You owe me Shark Bites!
81
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,726
And you owe me
half a Taco Bell taco
I left out last night!
82
00:03:12,793 --> 00:03:14,328
So, you admit it.
Oh, I admit it.
83
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:16,897
I ate them all.
And my tummy
is super jacked up,
84
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,766
but it was worth it
to even the score.
85
00:03:18,832 --> 00:03:20,801
I will eat everything
you own!
86
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,035
Ah!
87
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,271
Stop it!
No!
88
00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,275
Yep. Living on top of each
other finally got to them.
89
00:03:27,341 --> 00:03:29,510
Really?
90
00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:31,044
It's for class,
so, suck it.
91
00:03:31,111 --> 00:03:32,646
You know,
I'm getting really tired
92
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,214
of how crazy
passive-aggressive
you are!
93
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:36,950
Me? You purposely
didn't refill the ice tray.
94
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:39,753
I couldn't because somebody
made it all crusty
95
00:03:39,820 --> 00:03:41,255
from the jello shots
that she made in it.
96
00:03:41,322 --> 00:03:43,056
I have no memory
of that entire night,
97
00:03:43,123 --> 00:03:45,259
so I win this argument.
98
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,460
Did you?
99
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:50,130
No! My special ice tray!
100
00:03:50,197 --> 00:03:54,835
And things went from bad
to worse when Erica came home
to a scrunchie on the door.
101
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:57,705
Back before texting, this
message meant your roommate
102
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,673
had romantic company,
so go away.
103
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:02,343
No, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
104
00:04:02,410 --> 00:04:04,645
Um, hello!
Scrunchie on the door.
105
00:04:04,712 --> 00:04:06,179
Just open up.
I'm exhausted.
106
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,915
Oh, I'd love to help you,
107
00:04:07,981 --> 00:04:10,818
but I'm entertaining Hector.
He plays the flute.
108
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:12,085
I don't want to know
Hector facts.
109
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,354
I want to sleep in my own bed.
110
00:04:13,421 --> 00:04:14,955
I'm sorry, but it's
the scrunchie rule.
111
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,625
Go sleep in the
common room with
the other loveless losers.
112
00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:19,059
Bye!
113
00:04:19,126 --> 00:04:21,295
Wait! The only space
in there is next to the
leaky microwave!
114
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:23,030
Then go home!
115
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,498
Bye!
116
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,569
With no bed to sleep in,
that's just what
my sister did.
117
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,103
Such bull crap.
118
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,739
I used to be best friends
with my roommate,
119
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,141
and now we fight over who left
the cap off the toothpaste.
120
00:04:34,207 --> 00:04:35,943
It was you, huh?
It was obviously me,
121
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:38,145
but that's not the point.
Okay, I think I may
have a solution.
122
00:04:38,211 --> 00:04:39,880
When I went to visit
my cousin at UCLA,
123
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:41,749
I found out that there's
one thing that overrules
124
00:04:41,815 --> 00:04:43,751
the scrunchie.
An out-of-town guest.
125
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:45,653
I mean, you can't
make a visitor sleep
in the common room.
126
00:04:45,719 --> 00:04:47,588
That's just rude.
And it's perfect.
127
00:04:47,655 --> 00:04:49,723
All I need is
an out-of-town guest,
and I win!
128
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:53,193
How 'bout a foxy one
who no longer needs
his asthma nebulizer
129
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:55,663
because he went through
a year-long course of shots
for dust mites?
130
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:58,265
That was supposed to
sound cooler than it did.
131
00:04:58,732 --> 00:04:59,900
Gah!
132
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,902
These CDs are impossible
to open!
133
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,372
Yes, Barry! Come back to
college with me this weekend!
134
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,674
Him?
He's the awful answer
to my problems.
135
00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:09,610
You know how you always
annoy me on purpose
and drive me crazy?
136
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:12,346
It is my greatest joy in life.
Which reminds me...
137
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,414
Hyah!
138
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,182
Yes!
You are the worst!
139
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:16,950
Can you channel that
hateful, abrasive energy
140
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:18,218
at my roommate
and drive her away?
141
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:20,588
Child's play, but my skills
don't come cheap.
142
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:23,190
See to it.
143
00:05:23,256 --> 00:05:25,092
Sure, I'll get crackin'
on this while you pack.
144
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:26,326
Sucker!
145
00:05:26,394 --> 00:05:28,762
What about me? I can be
mildly irritating sometimes.
146
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:29,930
Oh, well,
if you want to help,
147
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,633
you can open this
because it's impossible.
148
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,969
Okay, fine, but I'm...
I'm not gonna clean up
the soda that Barry spilled.
149
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,571
I'm just gonna blot it,
okay?
150
00:05:37,638 --> 00:05:39,807
Just in case anyone slips
and hurts themselves.
151
00:05:39,873 --> 00:05:42,876
I'm off to Dave Kim's.
He just got
Super Mario Bros. 3.
152
00:05:42,943 --> 00:05:45,045
So, chances are,
I'm coming home Sunday night
153
00:05:45,112 --> 00:05:46,780
with some wicked
Nintendo thumb.
154
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,949
Enjoy your Italian game,
Schmoopaloo.
155
00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,818
Ooh, Mom, could you
do me a solid
156
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:52,219
and whip up some
of our lemon loaf?
157
00:05:52,285 --> 00:05:53,454
Check your backpack.
158
00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,523
No! A fresh one
for Coach Mellor.
159
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,857
He got hurt pretty bad,
160
00:05:56,924 --> 00:05:59,359
and it's sorta my fault
'cause I fell off a rope,
161
00:05:59,427 --> 00:06:01,595
which is sorta your fault,
'cause you didn't bail me out.
162
00:06:01,662 --> 00:06:04,097
That's on me. I was just
trying to improve my life
163
00:06:04,164 --> 00:06:06,133
by reading a book
on boundaries.
164
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,668
Did you know I love you
too much?
165
00:06:07,735 --> 00:06:09,903
Does this goodbye feel
too long to you guys, too?
166
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,005
Well, enjoy the house
all to yourselves.
167
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:15,943
You know, he's right.
168
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:18,412
All my squishy-tushes
are gone for the weekend.
169
00:06:18,479 --> 00:06:20,180
Listen to that.
What do you hear?
170
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,484
Just your loud breathing.
171
00:06:23,551 --> 00:06:25,753
You know, it weirdly sounds
both wet and dry.
172
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:27,120
Exactly.
173
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:30,157
No kids to ask me for money
or touch the thermostat.
174
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:33,026
No one to feed or clothe or
tickle their backs to sleep...
175
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,496
Which is a good thing.
It's why you got
the whole Bevformation.
176
00:06:35,563 --> 00:06:38,265
Bevolution.
And you're right.
177
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:42,436
I... I need to accept the fact
that soon I will have
no one to take care of.
178
00:06:42,503 --> 00:06:44,572
Look at me. I promise.
179
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:49,510
When our kids leave, I will
never, ever wash a dish.
180
00:06:49,577 --> 00:06:51,479
That's my gift to you.
181
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:53,313
ADAM: With little
prospects at home,
182
00:06:53,380 --> 00:06:56,950
my mom decided the best
prospect for mothering
was elsewhere.
183
00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,820
Oh, hi.
Welcome to Mellor Manor.
184
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:01,121
I heard you weren't
feeling great,
185
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,856
so I whipped up
a healing lemon loaf.
186
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,191
Bring it in.
Bring it in.
187
00:07:04,257 --> 00:07:06,393
I can't wait to mash that up
and drink it through a straw.
188
00:07:07,728 --> 00:07:09,162
Where are my manners?
189
00:07:09,229 --> 00:07:10,598
Do you want some coffee
and cheese?
190
00:07:10,664 --> 00:07:13,333
Oh, my God, Rick,
are you okay?
191
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,835
I'm tip-top!
192
00:07:14,902 --> 00:07:17,004
Aside from the fact that
I gotta sleep standing up
193
00:07:17,070 --> 00:07:19,840
and I can't
take this shirt off.
194
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:21,975
Isn't there someone
who can take care of you?
195
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,144
I'm perfectly capable
of taking care of myself.
196
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:29,517
Aside from washing, eating,
and opening damn cheese!
197
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,984
You are coming home
with me.
198
00:07:31,051 --> 00:07:32,319
I could never intrude
like that.
199
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,954
Oh, intrude away.
200
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,624
My house is empty
and lifeless this weekend.
It's no bother.
201
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:38,091
You think you could pack
a bag for me?
202
00:07:38,158 --> 00:07:41,261
I have limited range
of motion.
203
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,230
Also, I'm so scared
to be alone.
204
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,900
I can't tell you how badly
I needed to hear that
just now.
205
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:49,369
ADAM: As my mom
found a replacement
for her children,
206
00:07:49,436 --> 00:07:52,172
my sister found the solution
to get back at her roommate.
207
00:07:52,239 --> 00:07:54,942
Hey, bad news.
Me and Hector
saw Road House,
208
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,510
so it's for sure another
scrunchie night,
209
00:07:56,577 --> 00:07:58,278
'cause, you know, Swayze.
210
00:07:58,345 --> 00:08:01,715
Save it for your hair
because I have my own guest
from out of town.
211
00:08:01,782 --> 00:08:03,884
That's me!
212
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,218
Ooh!
VALLEY ERICA: Hey!
213
00:08:05,285 --> 00:08:06,920
My super cute outfits!
214
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:10,357
Sorry. I need a place for my
Drakkar Noir line of shampoos,
215
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:13,927
soaps, shaving creams,
and of course, cologne.
216
00:08:13,994 --> 00:08:17,397
Oh, no. It smells like
the boys' cabin at Camp Ramah
before the Shabbat social!
217
00:08:17,464 --> 00:08:19,266
I guess the bad news
is for you,
218
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:22,903
because he's staying
the whole weekend,
which means you go.
219
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,071
I'll grab the rest
of your colognes
220
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,039
and ninja weaponry
from the car.
221
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,976
Ugh! How did you live with
your sister for so long?
222
00:08:29,042 --> 00:08:31,912
I was a baby
for the first part, so
I don't remember anything.
223
00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:34,314
But once I was able to
form memories, it got awful.
224
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,383
So, I get it.
She used to be so cool.
225
00:08:36,449 --> 00:08:37,751
And now, she's...
Not cool!
226
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:38,852
Totally. She, like...
227
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:40,287
Sucks.
...sucks.
228
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:42,255
What?
229
00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:43,791
Did we just finish
each other's...
230
00:08:43,857 --> 00:08:44,958
Sentences?
...sentences?
231
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,561
Wow! We did it again!
232
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,863
Your Drakkar suddenly
smells good to me.
233
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,432
My sweat activates it.
234
00:08:52,499 --> 00:08:53,601
Awesome.
235
00:08:55,669 --> 00:08:57,304
'Sup?
Open up!
236
00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,007
Can't.
Your roomie has company.
237
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,575
You?
Me.
238
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:03,711
Ew!
Yeah.
239
00:09:03,777 --> 00:09:06,980
Erica, you cannot scrunchie
my disgusting out-of-town
guest!
240
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:08,582
That is against the rules!
241
00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:11,418
* I just wanna use
your love tonight *
242
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,153
And turn off
that sexy mix tape!
243
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:16,824
Geoff made me that tape!
Not to mention... Ew!
244
00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:19,459
ADAM: Meanwhile, my mom
was making Coach
feel right at home.
245
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,194
Holy cheesy seafood!
246
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,831
Your shrimp Parm is
the Super Bowl of all meals.
247
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:26,734
Easy, sweetie.
You're getting sauce
all over your white shirt.
248
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,268
Here, put on
this clean one.
249
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:31,204
Oh! Oh, it's still warm
from the dryer!
250
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,373
Finish up 'cause I got
Push Pops for dessert.
251
00:09:33,440 --> 00:09:35,142
Push Pops? Score!
252
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,443
Ow! I'm okay.
253
00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,312
Hey, Bevy! Hey, Barr.
Hey, Mr. G.
254
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,015
This isn't our moron.
This is a grown man
with a neck brace.
255
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,383
Good eye.
256
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,285
Literally the first weekend
that our kids are gone,
257
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:46,620
you're already
replacing them?
258
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:48,656
Please. I'm not trying
to replace anybody.
259
00:09:48,722 --> 00:09:51,859
He's eating all my food
and wearing Barry's
dumb orange shirt.
260
00:09:51,925 --> 00:09:53,160
Your face is dumb.
261
00:09:53,226 --> 00:09:54,795
What?
Nothing.
262
00:09:54,862 --> 00:09:56,363
Don't listen to him.
Why don't you run upstairs
to your room,
263
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:58,198
and I'll bring you
your Push Pop later, okay?
264
00:09:58,265 --> 00:09:59,700
Cherry. Don't forget.
265
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:02,235
Bevy, this is insane.
What...
What are you doing?
266
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:05,172
Oh, stop. I'm just helping
a coach in need.
267
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,807
I changed my mind.
I want grape.
268
00:10:06,874 --> 00:10:08,175
Where are you going?
269
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,077
To fix this!
270
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,313
Yeah, well,
now, you know what? I...
I want strawberry. No! Wait.
271
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,381
I don't know.
Surprise me.
272
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:15,448
But anything but orange.
273
00:10:19,019 --> 00:10:20,854
ADAM:
With Coach Mellor
living under our roof,
274
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:23,356
my mom was excited
to be smothering again.
275
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:26,526
Hope you're hungry
for some noodle kugel
and a smoked fish medley.
276
00:10:26,593 --> 00:10:29,196
No dinner for Coach.
I got a mutiny below deck.
277
00:10:29,262 --> 00:10:31,832
Did you make today?
Did you make poo
278
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,234
Any poo 'Cause that's
poison in the body, you know.
279
00:10:34,301 --> 00:10:36,737
Suppose Coach
could use some prunes.
Mmm.
280
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:39,272
Great news!
I solved everything!
You're welcome.
281
00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:41,108
ADAM:
Oh, yes, my dad went big.
282
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:44,211
He brought in Coach Rick's
massive older brother,
Coach Nick.
283
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,079
Wait. This is your
big idea, Murray?
284
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,816
You try to fix things
by calling his actual family?
285
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,484
Right, I'm the crazy one.
286
00:10:51,551 --> 00:10:54,221
Look, the last thing I need
is for my brother
to take care of me.
287
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:56,223
You wouldn't say that
if you tried my soup!
288
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,191
Boys, stop.
I see what's happening here.
289
00:10:58,258 --> 00:10:59,626
Coach Rick has a hurt neck,
290
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,896
but Coach Nick's heart
is in a lot more pain.
291
00:11:02,963 --> 00:11:04,431
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
292
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:06,166
No, in this house,
our feelings matter.
293
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:08,769
I feel they both
should go.
294
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:12,773
Shh. Talk to your little
brother, Coach Nick.
Use your words.
295
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,876
When you didn't ask for
my help, it made me sad.
296
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:19,579
'Cause, you know, my love
for you is big as my pecs.
297
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:22,082
That's, like, the biggest love
a man can have.
298
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,384
Well, that's gotta make you
feel special, Coach Rick.
299
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,787
Maybe special enough to
share your feelings?
300
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:30,290
Well...
301
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,893
It's like my neck
is so jacked up,
I can't even blow my whistle.
302
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,628
Bro, you never been
so real to me before.
303
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:38,198
I guess it's my turn
to get even realer.
304
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,633
I don't have a home.
305
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,502
Oh, boy.
Kathleen kicked me out
306
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,972
'cause I didn't notice
she changed her hair.
307
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,407
My God, Coach Nick,
where have you been staying?
308
00:11:47,474 --> 00:11:50,043
At the gym. I sleep
on the weight bench
309
00:11:50,110 --> 00:11:51,644
and use a kettle bell
as a pillow.
310
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,147
You can stay with me in my
junior single condo, brother.
311
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,116
With one tiny bed?
312
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,318
No, no. You're both
staying here for the weekend.
313
00:11:58,385 --> 00:11:59,920
I won't take "no"
for an answer.
314
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,221
Oh, boy.
315
00:12:01,288 --> 00:12:02,956
Rick, why don't you
show Nick
where Erica's room is?
316
00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,225
She has a keyboard.
It's awesome.
317
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:06,894
I can play
Axel Foley's theme!
318
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:08,361
Hah!
319
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,298
Hey, no running, boys.
320
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:14,968
You do realize that
you're replacing our children
with grown men?
321
00:12:15,035 --> 00:12:17,337
Stop.
They're simply sleeping
in their rooms,
322
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,372
wearing their clothes,
and playing with their toys.
323
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:24,711
Now, if ya don't mind,
I need to get some prunes
into our son's gym coach.
324
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:25,979
ADAM:
Even though my dad failed
325
00:12:26,046 --> 00:12:27,480
at getting rid
of his unwanted guests,
326
00:12:27,547 --> 00:12:29,682
Erica had a plan
to get rid of hers.
327
00:12:29,749 --> 00:12:30,884
What the hell?
Bup-bup!
328
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,786
Ninety-eight,
ninety-nine...
329
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,355
First of all...
330
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,190
Second of all, I hope
you'll enjoy brushing
331
00:12:37,257 --> 00:12:38,558
her greasy mane
in the common room
332
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,127
because that's where you
both will be tonight.
333
00:12:40,193 --> 00:12:43,563
I don't think so.
Your brother is now
my out-of-town guest,
334
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,132
and he's not
going anywhere.
335
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,268
Oh, well, that's a shame
because I called in
a new out-of-town guest.
336
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:49,502
Barry?
Lainey-love!
337
00:12:49,569 --> 00:12:50,838
Who is she?
Who are you?
338
00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,539
Lainey, my sucky roommate.
339
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,441
Sucky roommate,
this is my best friend,
340
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,009
who is also the love
of Barry's life.
341
00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:57,677
Was.
Seems like he moved on.
342
00:12:57,744 --> 00:12:59,212
Babe,
she means nothing to me.
343
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,481
Hey, when I say "nothing,"
I meant everything.
344
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,549
Don't even!
345
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:03,884
My sister was right
about you!
346
00:13:03,951 --> 00:13:05,919
Hey, sis,
got you a sweet comb.
347
00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:07,855
Don't try to make nice
with me, traitor.
348
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,589
Lainey's my new
out-of-town guest,
349
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,324
which means both of you,
beat it.
350
00:13:11,391 --> 00:13:13,526
So, I just sat
on a stinky bus
for six hours
351
00:13:13,593 --> 00:13:15,728
to be used like some
pawn in your battle
with your roommate,
352
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,764
who's now apparently
your brother's new girlfriend?
353
00:13:17,831 --> 00:13:20,300
And it's fun
to get together.
354
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,110
* I just want to
use your love tonight
355
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:32,712
* Whoa...
356
00:13:32,779 --> 00:13:34,948
No
357
00:13:35,015 --> 00:13:37,184
You
358
00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,486
You? Last chance.
Okay.
359
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:46,026
Dad! I got your message
and rode Dave Kim's sister's
bike the whole way here.
360
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,194
What's the emergency?
361
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,395
Go snuggle your mother.
362
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:49,496
I thought this was serious.
363
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:51,899
It is!
Your mom's in a bad place,
364
00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:53,733
and the only thing that'll
snap her out of it
365
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,568
is her delicious little
snuggle monster.
366
00:13:55,635 --> 00:13:57,938
What?
You'll always be
your mother's baby.
367
00:13:58,005 --> 00:13:59,406
Now go let her
smell your head.
368
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:04,211
* My brother's...
Damn it.
369
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,079
* My name is Nick... *
370
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,248
Hey, I'm not ready
to share this yet.
371
00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:10,417
Dad...
372
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:12,052
Your mom's going through
some stuff.
373
00:14:12,119 --> 00:14:14,254
What do we do?
You know what to do.
374
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,588
Ugh.
375
00:14:16,656 --> 00:14:18,425
Mama! I need you!
376
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,260
Schmoopie! You're home!
377
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:23,530
I came home
'cause I missed you.
378
00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,399
And I got scawwed.
379
00:14:26,466 --> 00:14:29,002
Uh, will you
give me sniffies on my head?
380
00:14:29,069 --> 00:14:31,371
I am gonna sniff the
out of your head!
381
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:34,241
Mama G! Good news,
my tummy's feeling way better.
I made real good.
382
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,076
That is fantastic!
383
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:38,311
Oh, my God,
what have I done?
384
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:43,116
Can you guys pipe down a bit?
I'm working on my music!
385
00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,752
What have I done?
386
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,957
Did I say
you could use that?
387
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:53,326
Sorry. Just preparing
a little something
for my out-of-town guest.
388
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:55,495
He may be peckish
from his travels.
389
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,597
Geoff?
Ah! There's my
guest now!
390
00:14:57,664 --> 00:15:00,800
Come, join me in the kitchen
for some heated water.
391
00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,136
They're being real uppity
about sharing actual food.
392
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,305
You misplayed this one,
douche lord!
393
00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:07,340
Geoff will clearly be
my out-of-town guest,
394
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,042
which means all of you
need to get out!
395
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:11,611
No! You had your chance
to make me your
out-of-town guest,
396
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,280
but you chose Barry.
And then Lainey.
397
00:15:13,346 --> 00:15:14,414
Hey, Lainey.
How you been?
398
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:15,815
Not great. You?
Pretty good.
399
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:18,518
Well, then, since Geoff
remains my out-of-town guest,
400
00:15:18,585 --> 00:15:20,453
all you ladies must leave...
401
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:22,322
Unless Lainey wants to stay.
402
00:15:22,389 --> 00:15:23,656
I don't.
What about Erica?
403
00:15:23,723 --> 00:15:25,025
Nope.
Then it's settled!
404
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:27,660
Me and Geoff will stay in
this room that's not ours.
405
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,462
Have a taste
of the chef's special.
406
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,630
The secret's the heat.
407
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:32,399
No! I don't want to be
your guest either!
408
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:34,701
You only asked me here
to piss off your sister
for inviting your ex.
409
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,336
Fine!
If you won't take my side,
410
00:15:36,403 --> 00:15:37,670
then I'll call in
someone who will!
411
00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:39,506
ALL: JT... P?
412
00:15:40,740 --> 00:15:43,710
Uh, Barr?
We just drove three hours.
413
00:15:43,776 --> 00:15:46,146
You said there was a sick
college rager going on.
414
00:15:46,213 --> 00:15:47,480
Did I say "rager"?
415
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,983
Pretty sure I said "angry
standoff in a dorm room."
416
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,219
Dude, I missed my nana's
birthday for this.
417
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,653
Yeah, man.
This is the worst thing
418
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,188
you and Geoff have ever done.
What?
419
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,024
I told him it was your idea.
You get it.
420
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:59,726
Also seems like
a good time to say
I still have feelings for you.
421
00:15:59,792 --> 00:16:01,894
It may be the worst time.
Okay, Lainey's not on board.
422
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,596
What's he talking about?
423
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,799
He's talking about
overriding the scrunchie rule,
which is what I'm gonna do.
424
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,268
**
425
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,602
What the hell?
426
00:16:09,669 --> 00:16:11,571
I was promised Neil Peart
from Rush would be here.
427
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,872
Oh, look, there's Barry
from school.
428
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:15,642
Hi, it's Carla.
That's Carla from school.
429
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:17,510
Enough. I'm telling
the RA you're the
worst roommate
430
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:19,112
on the planet
and you gotta go.
431
00:16:19,179 --> 00:16:21,514
Not if I tell him
that you're worser
and you gotta go!
432
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,550
**
433
00:16:23,616 --> 00:16:24,951
Srini, open up!
434
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:27,120
My roommate's a monster
who refuses to cap
the toothpaste!
435
00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:30,023
She ate my Shark Bites!
The world is her pantry!
436
00:16:30,090 --> 00:16:31,658
So, if anyone's out,
it's her.
437
00:16:31,724 --> 00:16:33,126
Actually, you're both out.
438
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:34,894
Geoff,
don't you scrunchie that door!
439
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:36,763
I'm sorry, but you guys
have been best friends
all year
440
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:38,231
and all of the out-of-town
guests agree
441
00:16:38,298 --> 00:16:39,832
that you need to grow up
and work it out.
442
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:42,535
Best friends? She's just
some random girl
443
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,271
picked from a hat
to live with me.
444
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,572
It's madness.
445
00:16:45,638 --> 00:16:47,840
Strangers shouldn't be forced
to sleep four feet apart!
446
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:49,976
**
447
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:56,716
Wow.
That's all I am to you,
some random stranger?
448
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,585
That's not what I meant.
449
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,920
No, I get it.
450
00:17:00,987 --> 00:17:02,089
You win.
451
00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,456
Take the stupid room.
452
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,526
**
453
00:17:09,596 --> 00:17:12,332
ADAM: Realizing
she had swapped out
her kids with coaches,
454
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,801
my mom knew it
was time to call the game.
455
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:18,138
Hot damn! Smells like Mama G's
cookin' up a storm in here!
456
00:17:18,205 --> 00:17:21,341
Well, I figured it would
be nice to send you off
with full bellies.
457
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:22,975
Send us off?
Did we do something wrong?
458
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,812
It's my fault, huh?
I ate all your apples.
459
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,880
No, you've both been
very well-behaved
460
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:31,818
large and double-extra-large
house guests.
461
00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:34,321
It's just that,
at some point,
462
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:35,955
it's time to leave
the nest.
463
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:37,990
It's so cruel and lonely
out there.
464
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,492
And you have pillows here.
465
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,295
My big brave boys
are ready to go.
466
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:44,564
I mean, look at you, Rick,
with your...
467
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:49,502
...being clean now
and, uh, Nick with your...
468
00:17:50,970 --> 00:17:52,172
...music.
469
00:17:52,239 --> 00:17:53,506
You think?
I know!
470
00:17:53,573 --> 00:17:55,608
Now spread your wings
and fly!
471
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,645
Look out, world!
Here come the Mellor boys!
472
00:17:58,711 --> 00:18:00,447
Now grab your snackies.
473
00:18:00,513 --> 00:18:02,449
Oh, um, actually, you know,
neither one of us drove...
474
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:05,285
She said fly!
475
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,287
So much for the Bevolution.
476
00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,088
It's the first weekend ever
without our kids,
477
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,090
and I completely
lost my mind.
478
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,560
Well, we still have a few more
years to ease into it.
479
00:18:13,626 --> 00:18:15,695
And what am I gonna do
when they all leave for good?
480
00:18:15,762 --> 00:18:18,998
Honestly, it's gonna be awful
for the both of us.
481
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:21,168
Please.
For the last four years,
482
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:24,003
all you've talked about is
how you want them all to leave
483
00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:26,239
so you can have
some peace and quiet.
484
00:18:26,306 --> 00:18:28,775
Bevy,
you know I hate change,
485
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:31,144
but it's easier for me
to say, "I want them out"
486
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:35,548
than to admit I love
our crazy, loud family.
487
00:18:35,615 --> 00:18:36,783
You're gonna miss 'em, huh?
488
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:41,321
Really helps to know
I'm not alone.
489
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:44,791
* I just wanna use
your love tonight
490
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:48,161
Oh. Hey.
491
00:18:48,228 --> 00:18:50,730
Welcome to the common room.
492
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:54,534
It's just for the night.
Housing is getting me a new
roommate this weekend, so...
493
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:57,570
Okay, this is crazy.
You can't move out.
494
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,871
It's not like we're friends.
495
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:01,708
I'm just some random girl
that got picked from a hat.
496
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:05,011
Look, college has been
way harder than I thought,
497
00:19:05,077 --> 00:19:07,079
but you've been the only thing
that's made it easier.
498
00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:11,017
I'm sorry I ate
your Shark Bites.
499
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,452
I'm sorry I stole
your ice tray.
500
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,221
I'm sorry I played
the trumpet
in your face.
501
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:16,223
I'm sorry that I lured
half my high school up here.
502
00:19:16,289 --> 00:19:17,590
I'm sorry I made up Hector.
503
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,991
What?
504
00:19:19,058 --> 00:19:20,760
He's so not real. I just,
like, needed you to go away.
505
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,995
That is brilliant
506
00:19:23,062 --> 00:19:25,465
and totally something
I would do!
507
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:28,100
* As you leave me, please,
would you close the door?
508
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,837
Come on.
Let's get our room back
from my out-of-town guests.
509
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,039
No way they're letting us
back in after what we pulled.
510
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:36,743
Well... I think I have a way
to make it up to them.
511
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,411
* Another shoulder
to cry upon
512
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:40,913
ALL:
* I just want to use
your love
513
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:43,015
* Tonight
514
00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:45,552
* Yeah
515
00:19:45,618 --> 00:19:50,122
* I don't want to lose
your love tonight
516
00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,859
* Yeah *
517
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,562
Thank God the one thing
I learned at college is
how to throw a good party.
518
00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:58,064
I got to admit, that six-hour
bus ride was almost worth it.
519
00:19:58,130 --> 00:19:59,432
I'm so sorry, Lainey.
520
00:19:59,499 --> 00:20:01,734
It's okay.
It was so good to see you.
521
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,103
And Barry, too, kinda.
I heard that!
522
00:20:04,170 --> 00:20:07,607
She said it was kinda
okay to see me!
Cool.
523
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,742
This is kinda
the greatest night of my life!
524
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:12,945
ADAM: Turns out,
one little scrunchie that was
meant to keep my sister away
525
00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:14,681
brought everyone together.
526
00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:16,583
As for my parents,
for the first time,
527
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:18,785
their future alone
didn't seem so scary.
528
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:21,454
Murray, what's all this?
529
00:20:21,521 --> 00:20:22,955
Adam went back
to Dave Kim's,
530
00:20:23,022 --> 00:20:24,591
so you're stuck
with just me again.
531
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:27,327
In fact, the future looked
brighter than ever.
532
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,696
You made me dinner.
533
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,831
You said you weren't even
gonna wash the dishes.
534
00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:32,932
People change.
535
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:34,467
Well, don't go changing
too much.
536
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:36,503
You don't have to worry.
537
00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:40,840
Sometimes, fate
can bring strangers together
in the most random of ways.
538
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,842
But suddenly, everything
falls into place
539
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:45,077
and that stranger
becomes family.
540
00:20:45,144 --> 00:20:47,714
But no matter what
the universe has in store,
541
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:49,682
you can face
even the biggest of changes
542
00:20:49,749 --> 00:20:51,518
when the people
you love most
543
00:20:51,584 --> 00:20:54,253
pull up a chair
and never leave your side.
544
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,727
**
545
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,128
Hi, I'm Rick Mellor.
546
00:21:04,397 --> 00:21:06,999
Just to have your name
mentioned on a TV
like that was kind of crazy.
547
00:21:07,066 --> 00:21:09,302
I didn't believe it
when people first started
telling me about it.
548
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,503
I don't miss a show now.
549
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:11,971
The worst part
about the whole thing,
550
00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:13,973
my neighbors think I actually
act like that when I teach.
551
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:15,708
Think you guys are ready
for the apex
552
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:18,511
of rubber-ball-based sports...
Dodgeball.
553
00:21:18,578 --> 00:21:21,814
Next day at school,
"Mr. Mellor, can we
play dodgeball?"
554
00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,451
So we end up start playing
dodgeball again
because of the show.
555
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:26,386
When you're a phys-ed teacher,
you do stuff like that.
556
00:21:26,453 --> 00:21:28,355
You have fun with the kids.
You do stuff with the kids.
557
00:21:28,421 --> 00:21:30,790
The kids accuse me
of breaking their ankles.
I never did that.
43118
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