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1
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ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
2
00:00:03,371 --> 00:00:05,406
before Will Smith was a
planet-saving movie megastar,
3
00:00:05,473 --> 00:00:07,575
he was a home-grown
Philly rap star
4
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:09,510
known as The Fresh Prince.
5
00:00:09,577 --> 00:00:13,013
Together with DJ Jazzy Jeff,
they took the world by storm
6
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,816
and made us all want to spit
rhymes and scratch records.
7
00:00:15,883 --> 00:00:17,851
(MUSIC PLAYS,
NEEDLE SCRATCHING RECORD)
8
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,254
No one loved it more
than my brother, Barry.
9
00:00:20,321 --> 00:00:21,955
(SCOFFS)
Well, this is ruined.
10
00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,257
(RECORD SHATTERS)
11
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,925
(RAPPING)
* There's no need to argue
12
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:26,860
* Parents
just don't understand *
13
00:00:26,927 --> 00:00:28,762
I love how Jazzy Jeff
and Fresh Prince
14
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,132
are always super funny
and rap about happy stuff.
15
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,000
And yet they still have edge.
16
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:35,503
I mean, these dudes are
basically identical to us.
17
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:38,106
Really? I don't think
the mean streets
of West Philly
18
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:40,808
are anything like the quiet
cul-de-sacs of Jenkintown.
19
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,843
Dude, thing about it.
Fresh Prince raps
20
00:00:42,910 --> 00:00:45,446
about how he hates homework,
loves video games,
21
00:00:45,513 --> 00:00:47,881
and how all parents
just don't understand.
22
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,183
That does sound like us.
23
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,784
Shut up, shut up!
Here comes the best part.
24
00:00:50,851 --> 00:00:53,053
(RAPPING)
* Oh-kay, here's the situation
25
00:00:53,121 --> 00:00:55,956
BOTH:
* My parents went away
on a week's vacation *
26
00:00:56,023 --> 00:00:58,692
Dude!
Stop singing my part!
27
00:00:58,759 --> 00:01:00,794
Clearly, if we
were a hip-hop duo,
28
00:01:00,861 --> 00:01:03,131
you would be Jazzy Jeff
and I'd be The Fresh Prince.
29
00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:04,665
I don't want to be
the Jazzy Jeff.
30
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:06,500
He just stands in the back
and bops his head.
31
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,302
Everything falls apart
without the bop.
32
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,803
Then you be him. You bop.
33
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:10,971
I don't wanna to bop.
34
00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,006
What if we both be
The Fresh Prince?
35
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,675
Wait, is that even allowed?
Can there be two?
36
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,910
(GASPS)
Did we just become
a rap duo
37
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:19,313
whose future's so bright,
we got to wear chains?
38
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,048
That's for sure
not the expression,
39
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:22,483
but, yes, I think we did.
40
00:01:22,550 --> 00:01:25,219
Which means we need Jazzy Jeff
and Fresh Prince gear stat!
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00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,922
Neon... The color
of the streets.
42
00:01:28,989 --> 00:01:31,725
Ugh, too bright.
Here, try this on.
43
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:33,561
What's wrong?
This shirt cost $20.
44
00:01:33,627 --> 00:01:36,063
This shirt is plaid
with a butterfly collar.
45
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,665
What are you doing?
You'll ruin my rep.
46
00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:40,033
You're only 16.
You don't have a rep yet.
47
00:01:40,100 --> 00:01:41,935
Let's put these
clothes back, please?
48
00:01:42,002 --> 00:01:45,072
No.
You go to school to learn,
not for a fashion show.
49
00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,508
Here, try on
these double-knit,
reversible slacks.
50
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:49,042
Oh, balls, no!
51
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,778
She'll never understand!
52
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,513
* I'm twisted up inside
53
00:01:52,580 --> 00:01:56,317
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
54
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,053
* I don't know the future
55
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,791
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
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00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,959
ADULT ADAM:
It was December 6th,
1980-something,
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00:02:06,026 --> 00:02:08,296
and Erica was feeling
the freedom of life
at college.
58
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,431
Well, sort of.
Hey, Erica.
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00:02:10,498 --> 00:02:12,132
Don't you "Erica" me, Erica.
60
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:14,402
Your mom's left
like 50 messages.
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00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:17,805
50? (SCOFFS) Please.
Don't be so dramatic.
62
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:20,941
MAN:
You have 49 new messages.
63
00:02:21,008 --> 00:02:22,576
Told ya.
(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)
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00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:24,945
BEVERLY: Hey, Boopie!
It's Mama! Haven't heard
from you this morning.
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00:02:25,012 --> 00:02:26,113
Call me!
(BEEPS)
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00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,481
(SINGSONG)
Hey, it's me again.
67
00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:29,116
Thought I'd check in
on my only daughter
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00:02:29,183 --> 00:02:31,552
and light of my life,
who may be in great danger.
69
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:34,054
(BEEPS)
(STERNLY) Erica,
please pick up the phone.
70
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:36,557
It's 2:20, and I'm starting
to wonder if you've been
attacked by a bear.
71
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,226
Are there bears here?
No.
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00:02:38,292 --> 00:02:41,128
(BEEPS)
(SOBBING) It's 5:23,
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00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:44,164
and I need to know
where you are!
74
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:45,333
(BEEPS)
75
00:02:45,399 --> 00:02:46,434
(NORMAL VOICE)
I've taken a few deep breaths,
76
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:47,768
and I'm good.
(BEEPS)
77
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,002
(VOICE BREAKING) Now
I'm hyperventilating.
78
00:02:49,069 --> 00:02:50,771
(BEEPS)
(CHEERILY) Call me!
79
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,773
(BEEPS)
(STERNLY) Call me!
80
00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:54,041
(BEEPS)
Dear, God!
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00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,176
I literally spoke
to that woman a few days ago.
82
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,346
Look, moms worry.
It's, like, what they do.
83
00:02:58,412 --> 00:03:00,013
Just pick up next time.
No!
84
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:01,682
If I talk to her once a day,
85
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:03,517
then she'll want to talk
once an hour
86
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:04,818
and then once a minute.
87
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,154
When will the madness end?
I don't think it ever will.
88
00:03:07,221 --> 00:03:08,689
Your life's
gonna be really bad.
89
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,358
(PHONE RINGS)
90
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:11,525
Aghh!
91
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,660
(DIAL TONE)
Hello?
92
00:03:13,927 --> 00:03:16,096
Murray, she picked up
for a split second
93
00:03:16,163 --> 00:03:17,998
and then hung up.
There's only one explanation.
94
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,367
She doesn't want to
talk to you.
95
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,734
Go to sleep.
No.
96
00:03:20,801 --> 00:03:22,670
She was obviously
eating a hard candy,
97
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,104
and it got lodged
in her throat.
98
00:03:24,171 --> 00:03:26,874
And when she grabbed the phone
to call 911, she passed out!
99
00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:29,042
What kind of college has
hard candies lying around?
100
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:31,345
You don't know!
There could be
a lobby with a dish.
101
00:03:31,412 --> 00:03:33,547
Are you watching that S.O.B.
Phil Donahue again?
102
00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,384
He did an expose
on choking hazards, Murray.
103
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,987
Did you know that
hard candy kills more people
than smoking?
104
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:42,956
That gray-haired bastard.
All he does is make you worry.
105
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:46,627
When Erica lived here,
she was fed and clothed
and had easy BMs.
106
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,862
Now I don't know what's
going on, and it's torture.
107
00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:52,866
(SNORING)
108
00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:54,335
Are you sleeping?
109
00:03:54,402 --> 00:03:55,403
(SNORING CONTINUES)
110
00:03:56,704 --> 00:03:57,705
I'm up!
111
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,206
W-Who's locked out?
What?
112
00:03:59,273 --> 00:04:02,476
You said, um, um,
someone's locked out.
113
00:04:02,543 --> 00:04:04,312
No, you fell asleep again!
114
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,747
(SNORING)
115
00:04:06,814 --> 00:04:08,882
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
was failing to reach Erica,
116
00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,151
my and my big bro
were brainstorming ways
117
00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,553
to reach rap superstardom.
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00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,787
As you all know,
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00:04:13,854 --> 00:04:16,390
Fresh Prince has what
we in showbiz call "It."
120
00:04:16,457 --> 00:04:17,858
Love him.
So approachable.
121
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:19,693
My mom knows his aunt
and hears good things.
122
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,762
The secret behind
Fresh Prince's success is
123
00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,264
his rhymes are always about
funny, universal topics.
124
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:27,100
Example. Parents
just don't understand.
125
00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:29,169
Naked Rob,
do your parents understand?
126
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,371
No, they don't.
127
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,205
They said I should at least
wear flip-flops outside.
128
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,941
Naked Rob don't do
flip-flops.
129
00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:36,243
Gah!
I'm super fired up
and angry,
130
00:04:36,310 --> 00:04:38,211
'cause they refuse
to understand.
131
00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:40,113
Which means
all we got to do is
132
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:42,450
write a song that speaks to
every kid our age, too.
133
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,084
Easy.
Let's do a song
134
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,419
called Grown Ups
Just Don't Get It.
135
00:04:45,486 --> 00:04:46,887
That's kind of
just another way
136
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,522
of saying Parents
Just Don't Understand.
137
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:52,225
Okay, what about Parents
Just Do Understand?
138
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,696
Yeah, but we flip it so it's
Parents Don't Understand.
139
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:57,030
Oh, my God.
140
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,432
That's just the same song
as theirs.
141
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,200
Fine! Then double flip it...
142
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,403
Children Just Do Understand!
143
00:05:02,470 --> 00:05:04,071
And what do we understand?
144
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,206
That all parents
don't understand.
145
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:07,541
We did it!
No!
146
00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,910
We just keep circling back
to the same thing.
147
00:05:09,977 --> 00:05:11,812
Hey, moron,
trying to eat an Eggo,
148
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:13,514
and I can't hear myself chew.
149
00:05:13,581 --> 00:05:15,883
But we're coming up
with a multi-platinum
rap single.
150
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:17,317
I do not care.
151
00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,252
But we need to record
a hit demo.
Don't care.
152
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,888
But there's
a recording booth at the...
153
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:22,089
Don't care.
BOTH: But we...
154
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,491
Bup-bup.
I don't care.
155
00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:25,092
We're...
Why don't you...
156
00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,928
I literally do not care.
Go out and rap to the trees.
157
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,430
Go!
BOTH: Fine!
158
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:31,231
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
our grumpy-ass dad
159
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:34,267
became Barry's inspiration
for our new hit single.
160
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,069
Wait! That's it.
161
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:38,338
We're not gonna do
a song about parents.
162
00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:40,808
All we need is one parent.
163
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:42,643
Dads Just Don't Care.
164
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,645
Oh. That's so true.
165
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:47,781
And brilliant, 'cause
your dad really doesn't care,
166
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,082
'cause he's given up on life.
167
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,751
JTP, drop a beat.
168
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:52,653
Time for Fresh Prince
to bust some sick rhymes.
169
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:54,922
And Jazzy Jeff
to listen to only
one headphone
170
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,557
for some reason.
Let's get it.
171
00:05:56,624 --> 00:05:58,459
(JTP BEATBOXING)
And so we got to work
on our rap masterpiece.
172
00:05:58,526 --> 00:05:59,760
Meanwhile...
173
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:01,294
(TIRES SCREECH)
174
00:06:01,361 --> 00:06:03,697
Geoff Schwartz, get in!
Erica's in grave danger!
175
00:06:03,764 --> 00:06:05,666
Seriously?
Not yet, but she could be.
176
00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,768
We won't know until we call,
and by "we" I mean "you."
177
00:06:07,835 --> 00:06:09,269
Oh, God, oh, God,
what's happening?
178
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,472
Just get in the damn car!
But my cello!
179
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,540
There's no time!
(HORN HONKS)
180
00:06:12,606 --> 00:06:14,141
Let's move!
(SCREAMS)
181
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,676
ADULT ADAM: It was Geoff's
worst nightmare...
182
00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:17,545
Erica was
far away and helpless
183
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:19,312
and obviously
in great danger...
184
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,814
(TIRES SCREECH)
GEOFF: I'm so scared!
185
00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,650
...until he realized
she wasn't.
186
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,486
So, just to be clear,
you want me to talk to Erica
187
00:06:25,553 --> 00:06:27,054
in front of you
while you listen in?
188
00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:28,522
Don't forget
this list of questions.
189
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:29,957
Make sure to read them
word for word.
190
00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:31,024
Ooh, it's ringing.
Wait.
191
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,826
This feels a smidge
super dishonest,
192
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,828
and I'm not sure
if I'm comfort... Hey!
193
00:06:34,895 --> 00:06:36,029
It's Geoff.
194
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,397
Uh, I don't know
if you're screening,
195
00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:39,032
but give me
a call back, and...
196
00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,502
I'm here.
Sorry, just dodging
my insane mother.
197
00:06:41,569 --> 00:06:42,570
(SCOFFS) You get it.
198
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:45,005
No! No. Totally disagree.
199
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:46,073
She's the coolest.
200
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:48,041
Um, okay.
So, what's going on?
201
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,711
Not much,
just...here in my home,
202
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:53,046
in...in my house, where...
Where I sit currently,
203
00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:54,347
on my bed, i...in my room.
204
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,549
Your room?
205
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:56,884
I thought your parents
took your phone away
206
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,251
because of our
long-distance bills.
207
00:06:58,318 --> 00:06:59,853
I...just got a new one.
208
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:03,423
It's yellow, and it's real.
And how are your booms?
209
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:04,725
What?
Your booms.
210
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,226
Are... Are...
Are you going boom?
211
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,861
Because a healthy girl
goes boom.
212
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,329
Ew. What the hell, dude?
213
00:07:09,396 --> 00:07:11,364
I'm sorry, does that mean
that you're not going boom?
214
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:13,601
J...Just answer the question.
I'm so sorry about this!
215
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,669
Forget the booms.
Move on.
216
00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:17,170
Let's talk toenails. Are you
clipping your toenails
the right way?
217
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:19,940
Because curved clippings
make ingrowns.
218
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:21,942
Oh, God, this is hard.
(PHONE DIALING)
219
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:23,343
Did someone else pick up?
220
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,513
Nope. Ignore that.
It's just me
in my house alone.
221
00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,180
Hello? Hello?
Hello?
222
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:28,448
(WHISPERING) Say something!
Hello?
223
00:07:28,516 --> 00:07:29,750
Hello?
Barry?
224
00:07:29,817 --> 00:07:32,185
Did I dial you?
That's so weird.
225
00:07:32,252 --> 00:07:33,420
I don't even know
your number.
226
00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:35,088
What? No.
Geoff dialed me.
227
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,389
Geoff?
Yep! Uh...
228
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,425
Barry's here, too,
hanging out with me
in my house.
229
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:40,594
JTP!
Can you guys
get off my line?
230
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,129
I'm trying to call
the library
231
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,397
to find out what things
rhyme with "Father."
232
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,799
"Bother"!
Now get off the phone!
233
00:07:45,866 --> 00:07:47,400
(PHONE DIALING)
Oh, God.
234
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,636
Hello?
Hello?
235
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:49,803
Hello?
Adam?
236
00:07:49,870 --> 00:07:51,304
Hi, Mrs. Geary,
is Jackie there?
237
00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:52,773
It's Erica, dorkus.
238
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,207
Why are you at
Geoff's house, too?
239
00:07:54,274 --> 00:07:55,743
Geoff's house?
Yeah, my house!
240
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,711
Go do nerd stuff
at your house, Adam!
241
00:07:57,778 --> 00:07:58,812
I'm panicking.
242
00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:00,480
Keep cool and
ask the questions.
243
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:02,149
Uh, how deep
are you going
244
00:08:02,215 --> 00:08:03,717
with your Q-tips
when you clean your ears?
245
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,285
Just tell me right now!
Pretty deep, bro.
246
00:08:05,352 --> 00:08:07,287
Not you!
Just stop, Geoff.
247
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:09,456
I know you're in my kitchen
with my mom.
248
00:08:10,457 --> 00:08:12,092
No! No.
249
00:08:12,159 --> 00:08:14,728
I'm just, uh,
here at the Schwartzes',
250
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:16,329
having tea with Linda.
Yeah.
251
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,265
Our... Our lines
must've gotten crossed.
252
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,835
Mom, don't ever
call me again!
253
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:24,337
Bye, Geoff.
B-B-Bye, baby.
254
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,775
Well, Geoff, you really
screwed the pooch on this.
255
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,843
You know,
that cello actually
belongs to the school.
256
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,312
Gentlemen of the JTP.
257
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:33,446
ALL: JTP.
258
00:08:33,513 --> 00:08:35,115
Thank you for joining us
for what will be
259
00:08:35,182 --> 00:08:37,685
the most important
musical event
of your lives.
260
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:40,453
Better than when we saw
the greatest bands in
the world play Live Aid?
261
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,355
1,000%.
262
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,424
I literally stake
Adam's life on it.
263
00:08:44,491 --> 00:08:46,326
Wait, what?
264
00:08:46,393 --> 00:08:48,996
(RAPPING)
* Now, here's a little story
about our dad
265
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,599
* He calls us morons
when he gets real mad
266
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:54,034
* He doesn't wear pants,
and he sits in a chair
267
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,135
* You know what I'm sayin'?
268
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,037
* Dads just don't care
269
00:08:57,104 --> 00:08:59,039
* Oh-kay,
here's the situation
270
00:08:59,106 --> 00:09:01,541
* Our dad has a problem
with flatulation
271
00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:03,977
* He doesn't care
about anything, for real
272
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,513
* I got an "A" on a test,
and he said, "Big deal"
273
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,116
* He has no worries,
he has no fears
274
00:09:09,182 --> 00:09:11,318
* He hasn't seen a doctor
in 15 years
275
00:09:11,384 --> 00:09:13,721
* If we come to our dad
and we need to cry
276
00:09:13,787 --> 00:09:16,223
* He says, "You're ruining
this episode of 'Magnum, P.I.'
277
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:19,026
* Can't you see I'm busy and
don't wanna be bothered?
278
00:09:19,092 --> 00:09:21,361
* Sometimes I ask God
why he made me a father
279
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:24,031
* Now leave me alone
and go upstairs"
280
00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:26,634
* You know what I'm sayin'?
Dads just don't care
281
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,202
* If you don't know our dad,
hey, don't worry
282
00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:31,805
* Last name Goldberg,
first name Murray
283
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,174
* Most dads play catch
and throw around a ball
284
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:37,010
* But our dad doesn't care
about his kids at all
285
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,412
(INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYS)
286
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:42,549
* M to the G berg!
What a failure! *
287
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:47,855
Adam! Look!
We blew them away!
288
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:50,057
Dude, I got to be honest.
289
00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:52,092
This song is
very mean and hurtful.
290
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,061
Yeah. I... I think
what happened here is
291
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,063
you two were egging
each other on in a vacuum
292
00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,397
and lost all perspective.
293
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,732
But the good news is,
294
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:01,034
you were smart enough
to run it by us first.
295
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:02,569
ADULT ADAM:
That would have been smart,
296
00:10:02,636 --> 00:10:04,504
if we hadn't already
given our dad a copy.
297
00:10:04,571 --> 00:10:06,573
Yes. That is
what we did.
298
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:08,909
What the hell is this?
299
00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:10,711
D... Hey,
look who's watched
300
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,713
a copy of our latest
work in progress!
(CHUCKLES)
301
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,514
You guys think
I'm a bad dad?
302
00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:16,349
Not you specifically.
303
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:18,719
The song's called
Dads Just Don't Care...
304
00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:19,887
All dads.
305
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,289
You say
my first and last name.
306
00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:24,925
You're literally shoving me
into the garbage.
307
00:10:24,992 --> 00:10:27,194
True, true.
We did do that.
308
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,729
Come on,
it's just a goof.
309
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:31,865
We bust balls, we have fun.
You get it.
310
00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:33,701
Ha. I get it.
311
00:10:33,767 --> 00:10:36,203
And you know what?
Go (BLEEP) yourself.
312
00:10:36,269 --> 00:10:38,471
ALL: Whoa!
313
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:41,241
You guys think
I nap because I'm lazy?
314
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:45,879
No. I nap because I work
my (BLEEP) fingers to the bone
315
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,748
so you little (BLEEP)
can have
316
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:49,817
your dumb (BLEEP)
tennis shoes
317
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,985
and your expensive
(BLEEP) cameras.
318
00:10:52,052 --> 00:10:54,621
Uh...I feel like
we should go.
319
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:57,090
No, you little (BLEEP)
need to hear this.
320
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,092
ADULT ADAM: That day, my dad
did the one thing
321
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,593
every parent wishes
they could do.
322
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:02,262
He called his kids out
323
00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,797
for being
spoiled and ungrateful,
324
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,133
pulling no punches
and speaking from the heart.
325
00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:08,736
For my dad,
it was a taste of glory.
326
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,438
And if you remember one thing
from this conversation,
327
00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:12,605
let it be this...
328
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:15,075
Hee-haw-hmm!
329
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:18,511
It seems Dad cares
a tad more than we thought.
330
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:20,113
Yeah.
331
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,249
I kind of feel we should cut
his name from the song.
332
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:26,653
ADULT ADAM:
Erica may have hung up
on my mom forever,
333
00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:28,155
but little did she know,
334
00:11:28,221 --> 00:11:31,591
Beverly Goldberg
always stays on the line.
335
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:35,462
Okay, we've got
the party ball, the Solo cups,
the black lights.
336
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,965
Now we just need a theme.
It's our first major rager,
337
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,933
so we got to go,
like, stupid big
338
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,035
so the campus knows
we mean business.
339
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,939
So, I was thinking
"King Tuts
and Egyptian Sluts."
340
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,742
Delta Fi just did "King Tuts
and Egyptian Butts."
341
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:51,211
Wait, I got it.
342
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:53,313
"Girls Just Wanna Drink Rum."
343
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:56,817
Oh, my God.
I have, like, the best
Cyndi Lauper dress ever.
344
00:11:56,884 --> 00:11:58,952
BEVERLY: Srini?
I can't hear
what she's saying?
345
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,520
(CHUCKLES)
Get me closer!
346
00:12:00,587 --> 00:12:03,523
Is someone, like,
spying on us?
347
00:12:03,590 --> 00:12:05,692
Stay here and don't speak.
348
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,870
Srini?
Why don't I hear voices?
349
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,910
What's happening?
This silence is killing me.
350
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:34,087
Hi! Sorry for the silence.
351
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,357
It's 'cause Erica
started to, uh, sleep.
352
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:38,859
Sleep? It's only 8:00.
353
00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,994
See?
You worry for nothing, lady.
354
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,930
Anyway,
I'm co-hosting a party,
and I have to go.
355
00:12:42,996 --> 00:12:44,331
Did she get you
on her side
356
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,333
by offering to let you
co-host her party?
357
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,438
Srini, what is
she doing to me?
358
00:12:51,504 --> 00:12:53,206
Damn it.
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
359
00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:54,842
Murray, Erica's
throwing a party.
360
00:12:54,908 --> 00:12:57,077
And I'm spinning out.
We all got our stuff.
361
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:00,080
Donahue did a show about
the horrors of college ragers.
362
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,850
Did you know that a keg
can roll over a kid
363
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,085
just like the boulder
in Indiana Jones?
364
00:13:05,152 --> 00:13:07,587
What should I do?
Don't ask me.
365
00:13:07,654 --> 00:13:11,291
The boys just wrote a song
about what a garbage dad I am.
366
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,793
Oh, please,
stop overreacting.
367
00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,696
Now, where are my keys?
I got to drive to D.C.
and save Erica
368
00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,698
before Donahue
does a special on her.
369
00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:20,700
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
overreacted in a blind panic,
370
00:13:20,767 --> 00:13:23,770
Barry's eyes still hadn't been
opened by Dad's angry rant.
371
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:25,205
What up, JTP?
372
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:26,773
ALL: Uh...JTP.
373
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,141
Okay, what's the deal?
374
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,978
Your "JTPs" have been
low-energy all week.
375
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,345
When your dad
chewed you out
376
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,047
with those R-rated
Richard Pryor words,
377
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,549
it, like, changed us.
378
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:39,819
Yeah.
I realized my old man's
more than just a landscaper
379
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,622
who punches holes in the wall
when the Eagles lose.
380
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,724
He's a hero.
381
00:13:44,791 --> 00:13:47,127
This morning, as my dad
was leaving for his desk job
at the bank...
382
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,562
I just hugged him so tight.
383
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:51,064
I got my dad flowers,
384
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,665
and he was like,
"What's wrong with you?"
385
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:55,102
And I was like,
"I see you."
386
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:57,004
And then he broke down
crying in his car.
387
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,506
What is happening
right now?
388
00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:01,008
I'll tell you
what's happening.
389
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,742
You have to apologize
to your dad.
390
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:03,977
You guys are right.
391
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:05,678
Our only choice is
to suck it up
392
00:14:05,745 --> 00:14:08,315
and do the mature thing...
Write another rap.
393
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,816
You sure, Bar?
394
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,818
Maybe we should just be
a normal family this one time
395
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:13,353
and say "sorry"?
Never.
396
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:16,289
Think about it.
What better way
to get us out of trouble
397
00:14:16,356 --> 00:14:20,193
than to do
the exact same thing
that got us into trouble?
398
00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,963
So we rap about the ways
Dad doesn't totally suck?
399
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:26,333
I'm on it, DJ.
Drop an apology beat, JTP.
400
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,368
We all really think
you should just say "sorry."
401
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,370
Right now.
Okay.
402
00:14:30,437 --> 00:14:31,838
(JTP BEATBOXING)
403
00:14:31,905 --> 00:14:33,540
ADULT ADAM:
And so Barry whipped up
a hot new verse.
404
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:36,643
Meanwhile, my sister's
wild "Girls Just Wanna
Drink Rum" party
405
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:38,478
was out of control.
406
00:14:38,545 --> 00:14:40,447
It was wall-to-wall
Cyndi Laupers
407
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,315
grinding on drunk frat boys
408
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:45,618
dressed as her MTV
music-video sidekick
Captain Lou Albano.
409
00:14:45,685 --> 00:14:47,787
I'm gonna live forever!
410
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,356
(CROWD CHEERS)
Whoo!
411
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:50,490
(CYNDI LAUPER'S GIRLS JUST
WANT TO HAVE FUN PLAYS)
412
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,359
This party is
out of control, Erica.
413
00:14:52,425 --> 00:14:53,994
How many people
did you invite?
414
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:56,663
Who cares?
Let's get gro-o-o-ss!
415
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,831
Come on! Someone stole
all of our CDs
416
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:00,867
and punched a hole
through our wall.
417
00:15:00,934 --> 00:15:02,469
We got to shut this down.
418
00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:06,673
As if.
Let's do things tonight
we'll regret tomorrow!
419
00:15:06,739 --> 00:15:09,309
ALL: Girls just
wanna drink rum!
420
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:11,979
Wh... What did she say?
"Girls wanna drink rum?"
or "have fun"?
421
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,313
What? Ew! Gross.
422
00:15:13,380 --> 00:15:14,714
Stop it. Ooh!
423
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,550
Loose keg.
Donahue was right.
424
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:18,918
Mama's comin', baby.
425
00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,021
Erica,
you need to get down.
426
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:22,755
Oh, my God.
Listen to yourself.
427
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,591
You sound
just like a mom.
428
00:15:24,657 --> 00:15:26,259
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, Erica would
hate to admit it,
429
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:28,895
but she couldn't help
but go into full Bev Mode.
430
00:15:28,962 --> 00:15:31,999
Enough.
My neighbor's gardener's son
fell off of a dresser,
431
00:15:32,065 --> 00:15:34,067
and now he spends
his whole life
with a comfort dog.
432
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:35,368
It's true.
433
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,204
He also does
swim therapy
434
00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:39,039
and fist fights
with his own shadow.
435
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,173
Hi, sweet face.
436
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:41,908
Mom, what the hell
are you doing here?
437
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,277
Worrying!
And it's a good thing I was,
438
00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:46,113
because this party
is out of hand.
439
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:48,715
You have to stop calling
and worrying all the time.
440
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:53,053
I just need to know
that you are safe
and snug and okay.
441
00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:56,256
Everything is 100% fine.
442
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,158
(MUSIC STOPS)
443
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,730
Someone broke the dresser.
444
00:16:03,796 --> 00:16:05,798
It was me.
445
00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,734
ADULT ADAM: As Erica finally
broke through to our mom,
446
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,803
me and Barry were ready
to bust out
our latest apology.
447
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,505
Hello, Father.
We see you're enjoying
448
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,108
your nightly snack
of Snyder's hard pretzels
and milk.
449
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,609
However,
we'd like a moment.
450
00:16:16,676 --> 00:16:19,579
As you know, yesterday
some things were said...
451
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:21,948
Mostly by you,
in a mean, shouty way...
452
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,383
But we're here
to make it better
453
00:16:23,450 --> 00:16:25,385
through
the healing power of rap.
454
00:16:25,452 --> 00:16:27,287
It's fine.
Just drop it.
455
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,256
"Drop a fresh beat,"
you mean.
456
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:33,493
DJ Ad, play our latest video
for our hero M to the G.
457
00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,794
(RAP MUSIC PLAYS)
458
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,164
(RAPPING)
* Oh-kay, here's the situation
459
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,566
* We may have made
a few harsh accusations
460
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,001
* But our dad cares about us
in many ways
461
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:44,471
* When we go out to eat,
he's the guy who pays *
462
00:16:44,537 --> 00:16:47,107
* And he buys us clothes
and books and more
463
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,476
* He'll even buy the stuff
that we break in a store
464
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,011
* When it comes
to spending big,
our dad's no fool
465
00:16:52,079 --> 00:16:54,647
* That's why he put us both
in private school
466
00:16:54,714 --> 00:16:56,083
(**)
467
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,451
BOTH:
* Our dad pays for stuff!
468
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:00,953
ADULT ADAM: After those
super-kind rhymes, our dad
was sure to forgive us.
469
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,855
Mm, no.
BOTH: No?
470
00:17:02,922 --> 00:17:04,324
The only nice thing
you can say about me
471
00:17:04,391 --> 00:17:05,525
is that I pay for stuff?
472
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:06,659
What am I, a bank?
473
00:17:06,726 --> 00:17:08,027
Banks are awesome.
474
00:17:08,095 --> 00:17:10,297
They have unlimited money
and lollipops.
475
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:11,798
I know what a bank is!
476
00:17:11,864 --> 00:17:14,167
All the tellers
are named Debbie.
477
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:16,436
They can turn
your dollar bills
into coins.
478
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:18,105
Can we stop talking
about banks?
479
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:19,272
I'm good. I don't care.
480
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:21,141
But you do care.
That's clear now.
481
00:17:21,208 --> 00:17:23,776
Look, I had a dad
who really didn't care...
482
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:26,546
About me, my brother,
pretty much anything.
483
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,515
I just hated him for it.
484
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:30,517
When you guys were born,
I promised myself
485
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,552
I'd do anything
not to turn into him.
486
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:35,188
And if this is how you see me,
I guess I did.
487
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,523
(SIGHS)
488
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:38,625
(EXHALES SHARPLY)
489
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:42,529
ADULT ADAM:
We had insulted
our dad yet again,
490
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:45,132
so Barry and I took one
last shot at saying sorry.
491
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:47,300
Hello, Father.
We see you're enjoying
492
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,569
your morning meal
of Steak-umms and eggs.
493
00:17:49,636 --> 00:17:51,471
However, we'd like
a moment of your time.
494
00:17:51,538 --> 00:17:53,140
No, damn it.
Move it along.
495
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:56,176
Don't worry, we're not busting
any sweet rhymes this time.
496
00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:57,644
We're just gonna
speak from the heart.
497
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:58,878
That sounds worse.
498
00:17:58,945 --> 00:18:02,081
Look, are you
the perfect father?
Not even close.
499
00:18:02,149 --> 00:18:04,817
You're way too loud.
You're constantly aggravated.
500
00:18:04,884 --> 00:18:06,219
You're super gassy.
501
00:18:06,286 --> 00:18:08,355
You once fell asleep during
a parent-teacher conference.
502
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,390
You once fell asleep
at Thanksgiving dinner.
503
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:12,759
You fell asleep
at a stoplight many times.
504
00:18:12,825 --> 00:18:15,328
You've got a real problem
with sleep, man.
505
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,330
Are you done
with your apology?
No.
506
00:18:17,397 --> 00:18:19,432
You may be all those things,
(SLOW-TEMPO VERSION OF GIRLS
JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN PLAYS)
507
00:18:19,499 --> 00:18:22,435
but you're also
the most dependable dad
any kid could ask for.
508
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:24,271
We know,
at the end of every day,
509
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,773
you're gonna be there
in that chair,
510
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,208
without pants on,
511
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,743
making sure we
have food and clothes
512
00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:32,412
and whatever
stupid thing we want.
513
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:34,381
We know you're always
gonna protect us...
514
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:38,017
From the world,
from ourselves,
from anything bad.
515
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:41,120
And no, you're not perfect,
but you're our dad.
516
00:18:41,188 --> 00:18:43,190
And we love you.
517
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:45,192
Let's just forget
about this and move on.
518
00:18:45,258 --> 00:18:46,493
* My father yells
519
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:51,731
* "What you gonna do
with your life?"
520
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:53,566
You okay?
* Oh, Daddy dear
521
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:54,734
Get out of here.
522
00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:56,369
Or we could give you
a big hug.
523
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,770
Do not hug me.
524
00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:00,106
Don't. What?
525
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,774
* But girls
just wanna have fun *
526
00:19:03,610 --> 00:19:06,613
You guys are morons.
We know.
527
00:19:06,679 --> 00:19:09,882
ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
we didn't need some epic song
to win our dad back.
528
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:12,385
As for our mom,
she finally was able to see
529
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,087
that perhaps she didn't need
to worry so much.
530
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,157
Here, try Bevy's
secret hangover recipe.
531
00:19:18,225 --> 00:19:19,992
Why does it
smell like fish?
532
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,160
That's the shrimp.
533
00:19:21,228 --> 00:19:23,330
It's the aspirin of the sea.
Drink up.
534
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,931
You're, like,
the best mom ever.
535
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:27,166
ADULT ADAM: In that moment,
my sister realized
536
00:19:27,234 --> 00:19:29,035
she really was lucky
to have a mom
537
00:19:29,101 --> 00:19:31,003
always waiting
on the other side
of the phone.
538
00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,439
Well, I guess
you were right
539
00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:34,741
to come up here and check in
on what an idiot I am.
540
00:19:34,807 --> 00:19:36,776
No.
You were the only one
541
00:19:36,843 --> 00:19:38,678
taking care of things
around here.
542
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,947
I was so worried
at the party last night.
543
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,349
* Girls
544
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:44,484
And if that's even a fraction
of what you feel for me...
545
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:46,353
* Wanna have fun
...then I'm sorry.
546
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:49,121
Look, all I want is
to know that you're okay.
547
00:19:49,188 --> 00:19:52,191
So how 'bout this?
One call a night.
548
00:19:52,259 --> 00:19:54,761
All you have to say is,
"Mama, I'm good."
549
00:19:54,827 --> 00:19:56,763
That's it?
Just three words?
550
00:19:56,829 --> 00:19:58,765
Honestly,
that is all I need.
551
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:00,333
I think I can swing that.
552
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,837
ADULT ADAM:
Truth is, it's not the parents
that don't understand.
553
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:07,206
It's us kids who don't get
where our parents
are coming from
554
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:08,708
and how hard it can be.
555
00:20:08,775 --> 00:20:10,277
Now that you know
we love you,
556
00:20:10,343 --> 00:20:12,945
just admit it...
Our video's awesome.
557
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:14,714
It's all right.
558
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:16,383
* Hide her away...
559
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,217
In the end, the best way
to be understood...
560
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:20,219
(PHONE RINGS)
...is just to let your family
know you care,
561
00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:21,821
even if it's
just a quick check-in.
562
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:23,122
Hello?
563
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:24,557
Mama, I'm good.
564
00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:26,526
Goodnight.
565
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:28,160
Night.
* 'Cause girls
just wanna have fun *
566
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:29,962
'Cause we can all sleep easy
knowing there's
567
00:20:30,029 --> 00:20:33,132
someone out there who loves us
no matter what time it is.
568
00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:36,202
(**)
569
00:20:38,405 --> 00:20:39,639
(BEEPS)
570
00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:40,840
BEVERLY: Adam, it's Mom.
Give me a call.
571
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,074
(BEEPS)
Call me back.
572
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:43,543
(BEEPS)
I'm worried to death.
573
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,211
(BEEPS)
Call me immediately.
574
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:47,246
(BEEPS)
I haven't spoken to you
all day.
575
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,349
(BEEPS)
I didn't sleep all last night.
576
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:50,983
(BEEPS)
If I don't hear from you soon,
577
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:52,685
I'm getting on the next plane.
578
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,087
(BEEPS)
Remember me, the woman
that gave birth to you?
579
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,656
(BEEPS)
I love you.
580
00:20:56,723 --> 00:20:59,125
It's your mom, and I'm
looking at plane tickets now.
581
00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,595
BARRY: It's finally here...
582
00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:05,197
The Goldbergs Mixtape,
our first album,
583
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,334
including classic hits
like Ferris Wheel.
584
00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,201
* Ferris wheel,
Ferris, Ferris wheel *
585
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:10,503
(LOVE NINJA PLAYS)
Plus Love Ninja,
586
00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,238
Eternal Flame,
Barry is the Man,
587
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,440
Bad Boy, Good Guy,
588
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,107
Judah Macabee,
Dinosaur Hunter,
589
00:21:15,174 --> 00:21:16,743
the awesome cover
of Tom Sawyer,
590
00:21:16,809 --> 00:21:18,445
We're Playing D & D
by Kurtis Blow,
591
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:22,248
and may other
awesome songs that mock
our super-lazy father.
592
00:21:22,315 --> 00:21:23,850
So wake up and buy it now!
593
00:21:23,916 --> 00:21:25,017
(SNORTS)
594
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:28,455
(SIGHS, CLEARS THROAT)
595
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:29,756
Ah. (SIGHS)
45134
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