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00:00:01,402 --> 00:00:03,037
ADULT ADAM: The '80s was
a golden age of advertising,
2
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,772
filled with famous faces.
Oh, hi, Vern.
3
00:00:04,838 --> 00:00:07,208
They talked fast and pitched
to us every day.
4
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,110
Hello.
I'm Orville Redenbacher.
5
00:00:09,177 --> 00:00:10,578
Mikey liked it!
6
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:12,213
He liked it!
And the
"Where's the Beef?" lady
7
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,315
needed to know
exactly where the beef was.
8
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:15,716
Hey, where's the beef?
9
00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,851
And there were local pitchmen,
like Crazy Eddie.
10
00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:20,020
It's Crazy Eddie's greatest
Fourth of July sale ever!
11
00:00:20,088 --> 00:00:22,390
ADULT ADAM: Even Jenkintown
had its own
commercial celebrity...
12
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,458
My dad's competition,
the Formica King.
13
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:26,294
Are you looking for a bed,
14
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:28,162
a table, a wall unit?
15
00:00:28,229 --> 00:00:29,497
ADULT ADAM:
He was wild, kooky,
16
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:31,165
and the bane of
my dad's existence.
17
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:34,668
Come see me, Formica Mike,
the Formica King!
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00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,737
We got deep discounts
on all your favorite
19
00:00:36,804 --> 00:00:39,740
brightly-colored furniture
in space-age laminates!
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00:00:39,807 --> 00:00:42,476
And we're slaying
the competition!
21
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,080
(ON TV)
* Furniture deals
on everything
22
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,949
* Come on down
to the Formica King *
23
00:00:49,016 --> 00:00:51,785
Ask for me! Mike!
Or Luis.
24
00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:52,953
He works here, too!
25
00:00:53,020 --> 00:00:54,322
ANNOUNCER:
The Formica King's
26
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,523
an authorized
Formica laminate dealer.
27
00:00:55,589 --> 00:00:57,358
* Do-do, do-do-do,
do-do, do... *
28
00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,493
Are you humming the jingle
of my sworn enemy?
29
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,962
No.
Totally unrelated.
30
00:01:02,029 --> 00:01:03,431
* Formica King
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00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,766
All right, that's it.
I'm sleeping on the couch.
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00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,901
ADULT ADAM: My dad
hated the Formica King
33
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:09,337
and couldn't get away
from him.
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00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:11,972
Look! The Formica King
has a regal summer sale!
35
00:01:12,039 --> 00:01:14,808
"Big kingdom furniture
for lil' kingdom prices."
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00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:17,044
(GROANS)
Murray, you gotta
hit this schmuck back
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00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:18,879
before he drives us
out of business.
38
00:01:18,946 --> 00:01:20,581
Dammit, I know!
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00:01:20,648 --> 00:01:22,316
ADULT ADAM:
My dad had to make
his own commercial,
40
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,784
and there was only one geek
who could save him.
41
00:01:23,851 --> 00:01:26,820
I never thought I'd say this,
but bring me Adam.
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00:01:26,887 --> 00:01:29,323
I've been waiting for
this moment my entire life.
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00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,292
I know your taste.
It'll be quick and simple.
44
00:01:31,359 --> 00:01:32,426
Also, you'll be sitting.
45
00:01:32,493 --> 00:01:34,195
Oh, I like this idea.
46
00:01:34,262 --> 00:01:36,664
Or... And I'm just
talking out loud here...
47
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:40,434
What if instead of
simple, we made it
incredibly complicated?
48
00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,136
Ooh, I'm listening.
No, no.
49
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:44,104
Do not encourage him.
50
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:46,274
ADULT ADAM:
Yep, my dad's brother and
unreliable employee Marvin.
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00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,608
Let the selling begin!
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00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:49,042
ADULT ADAM:
He was full of bad ideas,
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00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,212
and my dad hated all of them.
54
00:01:51,279 --> 00:01:52,813
We have an opportunity here
to make the biggest,
55
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,149
most expensive furniture
commercial ever, okay?
56
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:58,552
I'm talking about explosions,
car chases, furniture girls.
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00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,688
There's no such thing
as furniture girls.
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00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,923
Uncle Marvin's right.
We should probably go big.
59
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,258
So big!
And loud!
60
00:02:04,325 --> 00:02:05,626
And sexy!
Go away!
61
00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,395
Ooh!
We can set it in space!
62
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,197
* Space
No space!
63
00:02:09,263 --> 00:02:10,931
And animals.
We need animals.
64
00:02:10,998 --> 00:02:12,065
The deadlier the better.
65
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:13,301
Yes, people
respond to fear.
66
00:02:13,367 --> 00:02:14,868
Not furniture buyers.
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00:02:14,935 --> 00:02:16,437
And we need epic stunts.
68
00:02:16,504 --> 00:02:18,239
How many sleeper sofas can
you jump in a monster truck?
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00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,408
Well, if we load it up
with rocket fuel,
an infinite amount!
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00:02:20,474 --> 00:02:22,443
When you're done,
we'll do it my way.
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00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:23,811
Knock yourselves out.
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00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,479
(GASPS) That's it.
73
00:02:25,546 --> 00:02:26,680
We wrap the whole thing up
74
00:02:26,747 --> 00:02:28,449
with a Rocky Balboa/
Apollo Creed
75
00:02:28,516 --> 00:02:30,251
final freeze frame.
Let's rehearse it.
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00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:33,421
(IMITATING SYLVESTER
STALLONE) Well, I don't
usually rehearse, but okay.
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00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,223
* I'm twisted up inside
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00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,326
* But nonetheless,
I feel the need to say
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00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,996
* I don't know the future
80
00:02:43,063 --> 00:02:46,534
* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *
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00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,669
ADULT ADAM: It was
November 1, 1980-something,
82
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,938
and my brother was about
to bust some moves.
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00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,573
Yo, yo!
Look at this.
84
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:55,175
The KFC has come to hang out
under the bleachers.
85
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:57,278
No, it's the JTP.
ALL: JTP!
86
00:02:57,345 --> 00:02:59,480
And it's your lucky day,
'cause Big Tasty
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00:02:59,547 --> 00:03:00,948
cordially invites you
to have dinner with him
88
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,317
at Jenkintown's most
exclusive, romantic eatery.
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00:03:03,384 --> 00:03:05,519
ALL: Tony Roma's!
Place for ribs!
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00:03:05,586 --> 00:03:06,854
All right, bleacher creatures.
91
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:09,089
Stop being all sketchy
and get to class.
92
00:03:09,156 --> 00:03:10,624
Nice try, dude.
93
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,925
Mr. Glascott,
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00:03:11,992 --> 00:03:14,127
I was about to go out
with Jamie Weisman for ribs.
95
00:03:14,194 --> 00:03:16,430
Everyone knows that's the most
romantic part of the pig.
96
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,831
Except for the heart.
97
00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:19,066
Actually, I saved you.
98
00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:21,369
Seriously, man, you were
going down in flames.
99
00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:22,770
Trust me, I know.
100
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:23,804
You do know.
101
00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:25,906
Hey, it's different
when I say it.
102
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:29,443
Gah! That's the third girl
this week who shot me down.
103
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:30,778
Don't these smoking hot
scrubs
104
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,746
know I dated Lainey
for three years?
105
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,014
Don't ask me, dude.
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00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:35,383
I haven't talked to a girl
since my piano teacher
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00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,050
told me
to stop calling her.
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00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,552
It's like the only people who
see me naked now are you guys.
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00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,388
I used to have great luck
with women,
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00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:42,122
but it all dried up
when I started hanging
out with you dudes.
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00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:43,524
Coincidence, Matthew.
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00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,892
Man, I do not miss
being single.
113
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,794
I'm just so happy
I have Erica, ya know?
114
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,729
You're so lame, Geoff.
We don't have to hear it.
115
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:49,897
Wait, that's it!
116
00:03:49,963 --> 00:03:52,266
It's been in this house
the whole time!
117
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,302
Erica's bedroom.
118
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:56,437
There has to be
some answers in here.
119
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,705
Okay, guys,
this is, like,
120
00:03:57,771 --> 00:03:59,139
a huge invasion
of Erica's privacy.
121
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,541
Dude, she's my sister.
122
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:01,942
I know her
better than anyone.
123
00:04:02,009 --> 00:04:03,911
She'd do anything
to help us out here.
124
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,079
Erica's very upset
and wants to talk to you.
Really, dude?
125
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,416
I know you're her brother,
but she's really pretty.
126
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:11,285
(SIGHS)
Barry. I will say this once.
127
00:04:11,352 --> 00:04:13,721
Leave my room,
or I will end you.
128
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,623
Aw!
You are so sweet.
129
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:18,592
Guys! She said, "Go for it."
We're good to go.
130
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,394
Put Geoff back on the phone
right now!
131
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,229
Yo, Geoff,
she says she loves you,
132
00:04:22,296 --> 00:04:23,497
and you're, like,
totally the one.
133
00:04:23,564 --> 00:04:25,198
I've been waiting
for this moment!
134
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,700
If you don't get out
right now,
135
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,169
so help me God,
I will get on a bus and...
136
00:04:29,236 --> 00:04:30,571
No, you're the best.
137
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:31,772
Geoffrey, tackle Barry!
138
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:33,774
Love you.
Punch him in the nards!
139
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:36,677
We officially have
Erica's blessing.
Let's do this!
140
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,679
Naked Rob, you and I
shall play the board game
141
00:04:38,746 --> 00:04:40,781
where you literally
become a woman...
142
00:04:40,848 --> 00:04:41,782
"Girl Talk."
143
00:04:41,849 --> 00:04:43,717
Matthew, you take
this Caboodle
144
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,319
and make friendship
bracelets for all.
145
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,355
One of you lucky bros
is gonna get an anklet.
146
00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,323
Andy, you read
these Judy Blume books.
147
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,024
Soak up
all the teenage lady writing
148
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:53,060
and see if God
ever responds to Margaret.
149
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,362
I hope it's a yes.
150
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,530
Geoff Schwartz,
you take Erica's diary
151
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:58,599
and read her inner-most
secret girl thoughts.
152
00:04:58,666 --> 00:05:00,300
She's never let me
read it before!
153
00:05:00,368 --> 00:05:01,535
She finally trusts me!
154
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:05,205
Gentlemen,
our world changes today.
155
00:05:05,272 --> 00:05:06,807
Let's get feminine.
156
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,880
Okay, our big commercial's
all done.
157
00:05:12,946 --> 00:05:16,216
Yep. There's no story,
there's no effects,
158
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:18,185
there's no artistic
expression whatsoever.
159
00:05:18,251 --> 00:05:20,888
I've never been more proud
of the kid in my life!
160
00:05:20,954 --> 00:05:24,057
Are you looking for
high-quality furniture
161
00:05:24,124 --> 00:05:25,426
at low prices?
162
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,461
Come on down
to the Ottoman Empire...
163
00:05:27,528 --> 00:05:31,064
Huh! Where I will personally
fight high prices.
164
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,966
I am the Sofa Samurai,
165
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:36,470
and I will erase
the bloodlines
of the competition!
166
00:05:36,537 --> 00:05:38,305
(GRUNTS)
What the hell was that?
167
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:41,442
Don't ask me!
Marvin taped over
my commercial!
168
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:42,910
ADULT ADAM: And that's
when things got weird.
169
00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,312
My Uncle Marvin
hijacked the commercial.
170
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,247
He was a space man...
(LASER BLASTS)
171
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:48,348
Who was a lifeguard...
172
00:05:48,416 --> 00:05:50,117
No credit? No problem!
173
00:05:50,183 --> 00:05:51,351
I'll save you!
174
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,753
ADULT ADAM:
...who had a cyborg arm.
175
00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:53,987
And I've been rebuilt
by the government
176
00:05:54,054 --> 00:05:55,523
to fight crime
and high prices.
177
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:56,757
ADULT ADAM:
It was a disaster.
178
00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:59,159
So, come on down
to the Ottoman Empire.
179
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:00,728
And bring the kids.
180
00:06:00,794 --> 00:06:03,163
They can swing my sword
around and chop up stuff.
181
00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:04,665
Ding!
Freeze, freeze.
182
00:06:07,334 --> 00:06:08,368
ADULT ADAM:
It was classic Marvin,
183
00:06:08,436 --> 00:06:09,570
and my dad had seen enough.
184
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,904
How do you do it, Marvin?
185
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,173
How do you literally
screw up everything?
186
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,475
What?
187
00:06:14,542 --> 00:06:16,076
If anything,
I spiced it up with swords
188
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:18,078
and time travel
and furniture girls.
189
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,547
What's their story?
190
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,048
Tiffany and Megan.
They're actually good people.
191
00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:22,850
I hope you don't mind.
I had to pay them in chairs.
192
00:06:22,916 --> 00:06:25,185
I do mind!
You can't just give away
our furniture
193
00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,387
and promise that kids
can play with swords!
194
00:06:27,455 --> 00:06:28,656
This is insane!
195
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,691
I'm not airing
this stupidity. Ever.
196
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:31,925
Ooh.
197
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:33,827
"Ooh"? What do you...
What do you mean, "Ooh"?
198
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,563
What if I told you
there was a world
199
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:38,165
where people will see it
or have absolutely seen it?
200
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:39,667
Which is it?
Both.
201
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,401
I knew that you wouldn't
understand my vision, Mur,
202
00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:42,803
so I had to go
behind your back,
203
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,438
and I handed it off
to the local affiliates.
204
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:45,939
Wait.
This already aired?
205
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,842
Okay, calm down.
The man means well.
206
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,478
You realize
that's the worst thing
207
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:51,712
you can say about a person.
208
00:06:51,779 --> 00:06:53,981
How is it bad
if a man means well?
209
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,216
Because it means
he doesn't do well.
210
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:58,185
He's too busy
being a moron.
211
00:06:58,251 --> 00:06:59,787
That's it!
212
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,722
I refuse to work for someone
who thinks so little of me!
213
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:03,356
Great. Then don't
come in tomorrow.
214
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:04,892
Are you firing me?
No, you just quit.
215
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,760
Oh, no, no, no, no.
I'm just refusing to work.
216
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,762
That is quitting.
Which I didn't do!
217
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,130
Then fine.
You're fired.
218
00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,465
No, no, you can't fire me.
I already quit.
219
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:12,700
Too late.
I fired you first.
220
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,067
Okay, so rehire me
so I can quit.
221
00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,536
You're rehired.
Go ahead and quit.
222
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,837
I'm staying.
Then you're fired.
223
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:18,338
You would fire
your own brother?
224
00:07:18,405 --> 00:07:19,406
I quit!
225
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,475
He means well.
(GROANS)
226
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,043
ADULT ADAM:
As my uncle was quitting,
227
00:07:23,110 --> 00:07:25,178
Barry and his pals were
ready to give up on girls.
228
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:26,914
Dude, "Girl Talk" sucks.
229
00:07:26,980 --> 00:07:28,882
The only thing
I've gotten from this game
is a bunch of zit stickers.
230
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,418
And I admitted I had a crush
on the hunky quarterback,
231
00:07:31,485 --> 00:07:32,753
and he's so not my type.
232
00:07:32,820 --> 00:07:34,688
You need a guy
who makes you laugh, man.
233
00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:36,990
Andy? You have better luck
with that Judy Blume book?
234
00:07:37,057 --> 00:07:39,927
You have no idea what women
go through each month.
235
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,061
I mean, it's crazy.
236
00:07:41,128 --> 00:07:43,330
It still won't help us
get dates, but...
237
00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,598
It's crazy.
238
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:46,233
Maybe the ol' Bevernator
can help you
239
00:07:46,299 --> 00:07:47,400
with your lady troubles.
240
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:49,503
Mom!
Stop invading our privacy
241
00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:51,572
while we're invading
Erica's privacy!
242
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:53,607
Maybe this is a chance
for our relationship
243
00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:55,676
to change for the better.
It can't change.
244
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,645
Once you're a lame mom,
you're always a lame mom.
245
00:07:57,711 --> 00:07:59,079
Well, once you graduate
from high school,
246
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,814
you're not gonna need
a mom anymore.
247
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,216
You're gonna need a friend
who knows things.
248
00:08:03,283 --> 00:08:04,985
I want to be that friend.
249
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:06,119
Your lady bro.
250
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:08,055
Dude, a lady bro
is exactly what we need.
251
00:08:08,121 --> 00:08:09,790
No. Last thing we need
is for you
252
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,992
to mom us up
with corny mom advice.
253
00:08:12,059 --> 00:08:13,861
That is quite possibly
the most hurtful thing
254
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:15,095
you've ever said to me.
255
00:08:15,162 --> 00:08:16,664
I am so much more
than just a mom.
256
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,998
Now eat your prunes
257
00:08:18,065 --> 00:08:19,533
so you can get
your tummy engine cookin'.
258
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,601
No prunes!
259
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,369
They're just so...wet.
260
00:08:22,435 --> 00:08:23,737
It's been four days, Barry.
261
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:24,872
You need to make.
262
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,139
Mom.
(MURMURS) I'm fine.
263
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:27,875
You know,
Essie Karp's nephew's son
264
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:29,242
held it in for that long,
265
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,811
and then he got on a ferry
to Nantucket...
266
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,713
I don't wanna hear
this stupid mom story.
267
00:08:32,780 --> 00:08:35,382
They had to turn
the boat around, Barry.
268
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:37,250
I don't care
about Essie's nephew's son!
269
00:08:37,317 --> 00:08:40,253
A Coast Guard chopper
was involved.
Mom.
270
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:42,923
People were jumping
into the ocean.
Mom!
271
00:08:42,990 --> 00:08:44,958
They had to decommission
the boat.
272
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,695
Mom!
Because he didn't eat
his prunes.
273
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,196
I think
you've proven my point.
274
00:08:49,262 --> 00:08:50,631
Well, suit yourself.
275
00:08:50,698 --> 00:08:52,866
But just know that the most
attractive trait in a man
276
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:55,135
is when he makes
on schedule.
277
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:56,904
No, Naked Rob!
Drop the prunes!
278
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,939
Oh, sorry, dude.
I need these prunes,
279
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,041
and I need a lady bro
to help me get a lady, bro.
280
00:09:01,108 --> 00:09:04,111
My mother is not the answer,
Naked Rob.
281
00:09:04,177 --> 00:09:06,479
Okay, see, that's
the problem right there.
282
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,181
This whole naked thing,
Robert.
283
00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:10,183
Girls don't like it
when you run up to them
284
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:11,251
with no pants on.
285
00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:12,620
Don't listen to her!
286
00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:14,822
Your nudity is
your most redeeming quality.
287
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,456
So you're saying if I get
dressed in the morning
288
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:17,758
and stay that way all day,
289
00:09:17,825 --> 00:09:19,226
then women will be
less revolted by me?
290
00:09:19,292 --> 00:09:21,729
I'm not just saying it.
I know it.
291
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:24,765
Fine! But I guarantee
this will not work.
292
00:09:26,934 --> 00:09:28,602
Dude.
I can't believe it.
293
00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:30,671
My mom
actually helped the guy.
294
00:09:30,738 --> 00:09:32,205
Um, could you tell
your friends to go?
295
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:34,942
No, Debbie!
I'm watching
and learning.
296
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,744
Guys, please. This is
a big moment for me.
297
00:09:36,810 --> 00:09:39,212
Do you guys actually think
my mom isn't just a mom?
298
00:09:39,279 --> 00:09:40,280
Accept it, man.
299
00:09:40,347 --> 00:09:43,150
She's the answer
to all our problems.
300
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:44,685
ADULT ADAM: While Barry
had to admit defeat,
301
00:09:44,752 --> 00:09:47,454
Uncle Marvin was ready
to take a victory lap.
302
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,622
What's going on?
303
00:09:48,689 --> 00:09:50,223
Why are you here?
I thought you quit.
304
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:52,626
(LAUGHS) Don't worry
about me, Mur-Man.
305
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:53,794
I'm just here
to let you know
306
00:09:53,861 --> 00:09:55,262
that I landed
a sweet new job.
307
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,031
Oh, did you, now?
Oh, yes, I did.
308
00:09:58,098 --> 00:10:00,433
And I finally have
a real boss.
309
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,102
One that I can respect.
310
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:05,605
(PLAYS FANFARE)
311
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:06,907
Make way
312
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:09,509
* For Formica
Michael Mikowitz *
313
00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:11,444
Well, well, well.
314
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,113
What do we got here?
315
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:15,749
A whole lot of
crappy furniture
with no one to buy it.
316
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,317
So, you're working
for this putz now?
317
00:10:17,384 --> 00:10:19,787
That's right.
I just snaked
your top salesman.
318
00:10:19,853 --> 00:10:21,388
Must be killin' ya.
No, I'm good.
319
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,090
No, but he's your brother,
and now he's working for me...
320
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,792
The enemy.
Yeah, well, things happen.
321
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,660
Wow. That's, uh...
322
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:27,961
That's not the reaction
I was expecting.
323
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,362
(CHUCKLES)
Look at him.
324
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:30,964
It's eating him up inside.
325
00:10:31,031 --> 00:10:33,000
I don't know.
He doesn't seem so
put out by the whole thing.
326
00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:35,035
Nah, nah, nah, nah.
You don't know him
like I do.
327
00:10:35,102 --> 00:10:36,636
He is dying to take me back.
328
00:10:36,704 --> 00:10:38,105
Okay.
I'll come back.
329
00:10:38,171 --> 00:10:40,240
Bup bup!
Nope, you see the sign.
330
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,143
Says "No refunds
on damaged goods."
331
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:44,144
Hoo-hoo!
332
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:47,948
(LAUGHING)
Oh, he's such a faker.
333
00:10:48,015 --> 00:10:50,217
This is gonna be great!
334
00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:51,819
I got concerns.
335
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:56,456
ADULT ADAM: It had been
two days since
336
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:58,058
my Uncle Marvin's
crazy commercial had aired,
337
00:10:58,125 --> 00:10:59,559
and when my dad
arrived to work,
338
00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:02,129
he was surprised to find
business was booming.
339
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:03,697
What's with
all the people?
340
00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:05,565
It's Marvin's
farkakte commercial.
341
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,200
I think
it actually worked!
342
00:11:07,267 --> 00:11:10,170
No way. No one's here
to see a sweaty samurai.
343
00:11:10,237 --> 00:11:12,205
Hey,
where's the Sofa Samurai?
344
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,341
My kid wants to take
a whack at this recliner
with that katana.
345
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:17,110
Unfortunately,
the Samurai is sick.
346
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,512
What? I drove two hours
to get here.
347
00:11:19,579 --> 00:11:21,114
Uh, which is why
348
00:11:21,181 --> 00:11:24,584
you're looking
at the Mattress Magician!
349
00:11:24,651 --> 00:11:27,554
What's that behind
your ear, huh?
350
00:11:27,620 --> 00:11:28,856
Don't touch my son.
351
00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:31,992
Uh... Give us a second.
352
00:11:32,059 --> 00:11:34,795
You gotta get
your brother back.
We need him.
353
00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:36,529
You know, we're talking
about Marvin.
354
00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,098
I've never once needed him.
355
00:11:38,165 --> 00:11:39,266
Until now.
356
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:42,502
His terrible ideas,
turns out, are great.
357
00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:44,004
(GROANS)
358
00:11:44,071 --> 00:11:46,273
Fine. You don't want
Marvin's help.
359
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:47,607
I'll work on my magic.
360
00:11:47,674 --> 00:11:50,010
Say, what's that
behind your...
Aah! Stop it.
361
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:51,544
I'll go talk to him.
362
00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:53,246
ADULT ADAM: That day,
my dad wasn't the only one
363
00:11:53,313 --> 00:11:55,548
who was asking for help
from the least likely person.
364
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:56,884
Double coupon?
365
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,451
Don't mind if I do-pon.
366
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,387
ADULT ADAM: Yep,
the unthinkable happened.
367
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,890
Barry went to my mom
for some girl talk.
368
00:12:02,956 --> 00:12:05,225
Hey, Boofaloo.
(SIGHS)
369
00:12:05,292 --> 00:12:07,694
As much as it shocks me
to say it,
370
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,563
you're not just a big-haired,
mom-shaped sweater lady.
371
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:12,065
Hurtful, but continue.
372
00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:14,167
You helped Rob, which means
you're not only a mom.
373
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,469
You could actually be
a lady bro
and help me get girls.
374
00:12:16,536 --> 00:12:18,671
(GASPS) Shut your
delicious little face!
375
00:12:18,738 --> 00:12:20,040
You asked for my help!
376
00:12:20,107 --> 00:12:21,541
Forget it! Forget it.
This is a mistake.
Wh...
377
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,912
No, Barry,
look into my eyes.
378
00:12:24,978 --> 00:12:26,780
I will take this
more seriously
379
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:29,382
than anything
I've ever done in my life.
380
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,219
I just wanted some advice on
how to impress Jamie Weisman.
381
00:12:32,285 --> 00:12:34,187
I've already tried
both aggressive rapping
382
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,256
and casual flexing
in a yellow tank top.
383
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:37,457
Uh-huh.
384
00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,492
Have you considered
something simpler?
385
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,294
You mean like eating
an entire apple in one bite?
386
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:43,630
Or. What if
you just talk to her?
387
00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,966
Like with a bullhorn?
For now, just be yourself.
388
00:12:46,033 --> 00:12:47,734
That's all women
really want.
389
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:48,869
Sincerity.
390
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,470
Be sincere.
391
00:12:50,537 --> 00:12:53,640
So I speak with a British
accent and wear a monocle?
392
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:54,875
We'll get you there.
393
00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:56,443
ADULT ADAM: And she did.
394
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,211
After a little training
from his lady bro,
395
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:00,981
Barry was ready
to win over his lady.
396
00:13:01,048 --> 00:13:03,650
Whoa, whoa.
What am I
looking at here?
397
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:05,118
Just a boy
who took my advice
398
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:07,855
and is now chatting
to his future girlfriend.
399
00:13:07,921 --> 00:13:09,589
Are you nuts?
What? What's wrong?
400
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:12,359
Jamie Weisman hangs
with the no-good
bleacher creatures.
401
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,361
They spend every lunch
under there smoking
402
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,429
and listening
to that awful ska music.
403
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,565
And don't get me started
on the truancy.
404
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,367
Truancy?
405
00:13:20,433 --> 00:13:22,402
Well, that's a gateway
to being late
for everything in life!
406
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,972
And the worst part is,
they're always sassing off
at the mouth,
407
00:13:25,038 --> 00:13:27,107
saying things like,
"(BLEEP) this school"
408
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,708
and "(BLEEP) Mr. Glascott."
409
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:30,210
Kids can't speak that way.
410
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,845
This is
un-(BLEEP)-believable.
411
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,346
Barry will not be
a part of that group.
412
00:13:33,413 --> 00:13:35,148
Now, there's the woman
I know and fear.
413
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:37,117
Now get in there and break up
that boy's good time!
414
00:13:37,184 --> 00:13:38,685
Well, I just
became his bro.
415
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:40,320
I can't go back
to being his mom.
416
00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,956
But you're the mommiest mom
of all the mom I've ever met.
417
00:13:43,023 --> 00:13:44,024
I don't know what to do!
418
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,259
What you always do.
Ruin things.
419
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:48,028
Well, I'd love to,
but I just can't get...
420
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:49,562
Oh, hey.
What's up, bro?
421
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:50,931
Your advice totally worked!
422
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,465
Jamie's coming over
after school to study!
423
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:56,036
Oh. She's already
coming over to study, huh?
424
00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,404
That worked
better than I thought.
425
00:13:57,470 --> 00:13:59,139
I'm sorry
I said you're just a mom.
426
00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:01,108
You made this happen. You.
427
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,144
(LAUGHS) And I feel
big feelings about it.
428
00:14:04,211 --> 00:14:05,778
I gotta go buy
some Drakkar
429
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,414
so I smell awesome
when we study.
430
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,481
(CHUCKLES) Bye.
431
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,917
Drakkar?
432
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:12,652
That is the musk
of Europeans on holiday!
433
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:13,887
What have I done?
434
00:14:13,954 --> 00:14:15,255
The worst thing
any mom could do.
435
00:14:15,322 --> 00:14:17,157
You became your son's bro.
436
00:14:17,224 --> 00:14:19,026
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
was realizing her mistake,
437
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,561
my dad was gonna try
to win back
the Formica King's jester.
438
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:24,464
(BELLS JINGLING)
Hey, uh, Marvin.
You got a sec?
439
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,033
Uh, not for you.
440
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,035
I'm in the middle
of a top-secret project
441
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,202
for Formica Mike.
442
00:14:29,269 --> 00:14:31,905
J... Just stop
jingling and...
443
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,673
You can come back
to my store.
444
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,776
I knew it!
Sales have plunged
since your top salesman left.
445
00:14:36,843 --> 00:14:38,511
Sure. If that's what
you want to hear.
446
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,213
Oh, I want a lot more
than that.
447
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,982
I shall return
to your employ
448
00:14:42,049 --> 00:14:43,683
should you meet
the following demands.
449
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:44,918
Demand number one.
450
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,954
I want stock options.
All of them.
451
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:48,821
We're not
a public company, moron.
452
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,023
There is no stock.
453
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:51,791
I want
100 paid vacation days.
454
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:53,093
That's three months!
455
00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:54,561
I want my own
parking spot...
No.
456
00:14:54,627 --> 00:14:55,562
Toilet...
No.
457
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,997
Office...
No.
458
00:14:57,064 --> 00:14:58,165
And I'm going to change
the name of the store
459
00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:00,700
to Marvin and Brother
Furniture Place.
460
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:02,769
All right, forget I asked.
(STAMMERING LOUDLY)
461
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:04,104
Hold on. Fine.
462
00:15:04,171 --> 00:15:07,774
All you have to say
is that you need me.
463
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,209
(SCOFFS) I'm not
gonna do that.
464
00:15:09,276 --> 00:15:11,411
Just say it,
and all your dreams
will come true.
465
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,180
I'm not gonna say it.
Just say the words!
466
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,383
I don't need you,
and I never will!
467
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,951
(SCOFFS)
468
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:20,520
Fine.
469
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,522
We're finished here.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
470
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:23,690
Leave your basement!
471
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:27,060
Or... Fine.
472
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:28,395
I will leave.
473
00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:31,331
(BELLS JINGLING)
474
00:15:31,398 --> 00:15:33,066
ADULT ADAM: As my dad
showed Marvin the door,
475
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,867
my mom was showing
Jamie Weisman
476
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,103
Barry's baby book.
477
00:15:36,169 --> 00:15:37,437
And now here's Barry
with his head
478
00:15:37,504 --> 00:15:39,239
stuck in the banister.
Ooh.
479
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:41,641
And now there he is with
his head stuck in the fence.
480
00:15:41,708 --> 00:15:42,742
(WHISTLING)
481
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,444
What?
482
00:15:44,511 --> 00:15:46,713
We took a two-minute
study break
so I could get snacks!
483
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:48,248
How did this happen so fast?
484
00:15:48,315 --> 00:15:50,917
Relax. I'm just showing
your new friend some photos.
485
00:15:50,984 --> 00:15:52,185
Bro. A word?
486
00:15:52,252 --> 00:15:54,321
Sure thing, bro.
Feel free to peruse.
487
00:15:54,387 --> 00:15:55,588
There's some great pictures
488
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,457
of little Barry
making on the potty.
489
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,458
(BOTH LAUGH)
490
00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,959
Or close to the potty.
You know.
491
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,428
Enjoy.
492
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,595
What did you do?
493
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,731
I just showed her
a photo album.
494
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:05,898
Like a mom.
495
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:07,100
What happened
to being my bro?
496
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,835
I am your bro.
497
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,138
But not when it
comes to cool girls
with bad intentions.
498
00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:13,540
I was right!
All you'll ever be is a mom.
499
00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:16,176
Dammit, I want
to be more! I do!
500
00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:18,011
But I just can't
stop myself.
501
00:16:18,078 --> 00:16:19,379
Well, I can.
502
00:16:19,446 --> 00:16:21,214
This is the last time
I ask for your help.
503
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:22,149
Ever.
504
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:23,883
Everything cool?
BARRY: Yeah.
505
00:16:23,950 --> 00:16:25,152
I'm all studied out.
506
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:27,287
I'll see you tomorrow.
507
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,022
Just leave the door open
when you go.
508
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,358
We need to air out
the Drakkar stink.
509
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,060
**
510
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,665
ADULT ADAM: After refusing
to tell Marvin he needed him,
511
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:42,001
my dad got a surprise visit
from a guy who did.
512
00:16:42,069 --> 00:16:43,303
Oh, God.
513
00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:44,437
I came to say "Bravo."
514
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:45,838
You pulled it off
perfectly.
515
00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:47,307
What... What...
What are you talking about?
516
00:16:47,374 --> 00:16:48,941
Sabotage.
What?
517
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,710
Sabotage!
What about it?
518
00:16:50,777 --> 00:16:52,779
(WHISPERING) Sabotage.
Stop saying "Sabotage"!
519
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:55,182
You let me steal your brother
knowing full well
520
00:16:55,248 --> 00:16:57,684
that he would destroy
my store from the inside.
521
00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,951
Ohh. What'd he do?
522
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,388
First, he mistook
the display toilet
523
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,623
for "the real deal."
Oh, geez.
524
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,193
Then he wants to rearrange
the stock room.
525
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:07,960
He loses control
of the forklift.
526
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,629
He pops three water beds.
527
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,898
Now I gotta shut down
because he flooded
my showroom.
528
00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:14,201
Formica Mike, listen to me.
529
00:17:14,267 --> 00:17:16,503
This isn't sabotage.
That wasn't sabotage?
530
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:19,072
No. I'm not smart enough,
and I know Marvin isn't.
531
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:21,674
Okay. Then, first,
I'm gonna fire the putz.
532
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:24,077
Then I'm gonna make him pay
for the water beds.
533
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,079
Don't do that.
534
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:27,880
I'll pay for it. (SIGHS)
535
00:17:27,947 --> 00:17:29,282
Why would you do that?
536
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:32,485
(SIGHS) Because...
He really does mean well.
537
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:34,487
You do know
that that is the worst thing
538
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,988
that you could say
about a person?
539
00:17:36,055 --> 00:17:37,657
Oh, I'm aware.
540
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:39,392
Here ya go, Ad.
541
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,261
Sorry I stole your camera.
542
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:43,930
I guess that's the end
of my illustrious film career.
543
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,932
It had a lens cap
and a case.
544
00:17:45,998 --> 00:17:47,867
It sure did, pal.
545
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,171
Marvin? Can we, uh,
talk? Again?
546
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:52,305
I don't think
it's a good idea
547
00:17:52,372 --> 00:17:53,840
for me to fraternize
with the enemy.
548
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,242
Just shut up and listen.
549
00:17:55,308 --> 00:17:56,776
I made a deal
with Formica Mike.
550
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:59,746
You're coming back to work
on Monday at twice the pay.
551
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,648
He tell you
about the forklift incident?
Yes.
552
00:18:01,714 --> 00:18:03,783
And the miscommunication
with the toilet?
Yeah.
553
00:18:03,850 --> 00:18:05,952
He's gonna fire me, isn't he?
Do you want to come back
or don't you?
554
00:18:06,018 --> 00:18:08,921
I don't get it. Why would you
take me back with a raise
555
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,291
when I'm just your dumb
kid brother who "means well"?
556
00:18:11,358 --> 00:18:12,992
Well, this time
you didn't mean well.
557
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,194
You did well.
558
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:16,196
Your stupid commercial
is a hit.
559
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:18,398
(TEARS FOR FEARS' "EVERYBODY
WANTS TO RULE
THE WORLD" PLAYS)
560
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:22,202
And... I really need you.
561
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:24,070
You said it?
He said it.
562
00:18:24,137 --> 00:18:27,807
What do you say we make
another commercial? Together.
563
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:30,410
ADULT ADAM: In the end,
turns out all my Uncle Marvin
564
00:18:30,477 --> 00:18:32,579
really wanted
was to be needed.
565
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,013
And he was.
566
00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:35,848
**
567
00:18:38,084 --> 00:18:39,252
Hey, Booper.
568
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:40,620
Brought you a snacky.
569
00:18:40,687 --> 00:18:43,290
Not a prune in sight.
Not hungry.
570
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:45,592
You got a 98
on your Econ test?
571
00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,360
That's why I studied
with Jamie.
572
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,828
She gets straight "A's."
573
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:50,363
Hmm.
574
00:18:50,430 --> 00:18:54,467
Guess I made a snap judgment
based on some bleachers.
575
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,870
I just... Got worried,
and the mom in me kicked in.
576
00:18:57,937 --> 00:19:00,273
Whatever. It's my fault
for letting you in.
577
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:03,276
No. I want you
to let me in.
578
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,444
You guys are getting older.
579
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,346
You don't need a mom
like you used to.
580
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,047
But if I'm your friend...
581
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:10,116
Then I can still
be there for you.
582
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:12,051
I got plenty of friends.
583
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,820
But I only got one mom.
584
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,655
ADULT ADAM: That night,
our mom realized
she could shine
585
00:19:15,722 --> 00:19:18,358
just as bright in Barry's life
by being his mom,
586
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:20,527
while Uncle Marvin...
Like that?
587
00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:23,330
...was enjoying his time
in the spotlight.
588
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,398
He really does mean well.
589
00:19:25,465 --> 00:19:27,066
He really does.
590
00:19:27,133 --> 00:19:28,635
Huh!
591
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:30,370
ADULT ADAM: And sometimes
the people who mean well
592
00:19:30,437 --> 00:19:32,739
end up being
the best surprises of all.
593
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,042
Mom? What are you
doing here?
594
00:19:36,108 --> 00:19:37,344
Schmoopie,
you were right.
595
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,678
I can't be your friend.
596
00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,480
I'm your mom,
and that's what you need,
597
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,715
and I am gonna mom it up
like you have never seen.
598
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:44,751
Now?
I've had enough, mister!
599
00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,486
You're failing
half of your classes
600
00:19:46,553 --> 00:19:48,455
because of all
your wild partying.
601
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,189
What are you doing?
602
00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,991
Oh, you just party
so wildly.
603
00:19:52,058 --> 00:19:53,426
But it stops today!
604
00:19:53,493 --> 00:19:55,928
The same with
your cool-but-dangerous
stunts!
605
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:58,998
And your antics,
which are equally as wild.
606
00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:00,967
BARRY: Mom!
And you.
607
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,936
You're the one who tutored
my can't-be-tamed son
the other day, right?
608
00:20:04,003 --> 00:20:05,505
Mmm.
Um, yeah.
609
00:20:05,572 --> 00:20:07,106
Great. Well, now
you're gonna tutor him
610
00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,608
in all his subjects, huh?
611
00:20:08,675 --> 00:20:10,843
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
Don't argue with me.
612
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,679
What I say is final.
613
00:20:14,781 --> 00:20:15,848
Moms, huh?
614
00:20:15,915 --> 00:20:17,650
(SIGHS) Yeah.
615
00:20:19,886 --> 00:20:21,254
They're the worst.
616
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:23,590
* I can't stand
this indecision *
617
00:20:23,656 --> 00:20:24,557
Hai!
618
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,859
Come on down
to the Ottoman Empire,
619
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:27,960
where the Sofa Samurai
620
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,996
is slashing all our prices
in half!
621
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,832
And I am
but a simple radish farmer.
622
00:20:32,899 --> 00:20:34,267
Oh, noble warrior,
623
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,536
won't you protect us
from high prices?
624
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,137
ADULT ADAM:
That's the thing about family.
625
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:39,872
Everyone has a part to play.
626
00:20:39,939 --> 00:20:42,008
And when the people you love
are playing themselves,
627
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:45,044
well, that's a show
you don't want to miss.
628
00:20:45,111 --> 00:20:46,746
(GRUNTS)
629
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:48,581
(SHRIEKS)
630
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:49,949
**
631
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,985
Crazy Eddie's
having a pillow sale!
632
00:20:53,052 --> 00:20:54,821
Every pillow you can see...
633
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:58,625
Big pillows, large pillows,
throw pillows, every pillow!
634
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,927
And it's only
for this special month!
635
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:02,028
Oh!
636
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:08,167
Call a guy and tell him
something gross.
637
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:09,736
Ew. Never.
I'll take a zit sticker.
638
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:11,471
I knew
you'd still be here!
639
00:21:11,538 --> 00:21:13,205
Erica! You came home
to see me!
640
00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,908
No, I came home
to fight you all
for invading my privacy!
641
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,444
But Barry said
you were fine with it.
642
00:21:17,510 --> 00:21:19,346
That is
not what I said, Erica.
643
00:21:19,412 --> 00:21:21,781
What I told them was...
Run, JTP!
644
00:21:21,848 --> 00:21:22,849
ALL: JTP!
645
00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:25,485
Okay, I get you're mad,
646
00:21:25,552 --> 00:21:27,554
but can I at least get a kiss
before you flip out?
647
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:29,288
Yeah, I'm going
back to school.
648
00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:30,723
Wait. That's not...
But I didn't...
47990
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