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Action!
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OK, folks, here they come.
Lots of applause.
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The marvellous Harry Secombe,
the delightful Spike Milligan...
4
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Oh, and Peter Sellers.
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This is the BBC Home Service.
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It's time for...
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Another remarkable 1957 edition
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of the wireless, talking type... Goon Show!
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You sir, with the linen hair and oily suit.
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What is it that you want,
you sick and twisted boy?
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I must ask you to empty your pockets.
12
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,900
Ah, quit stalling, man. Empty your pockets.
13
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Now listen to me, Neddie,
that is our entire worldly wealth.
14
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What, what, what, what, what? Then what's
that ominous bulge in the seat of his trousers?
15
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Oh, just some leather meringues.
16
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Listen to me, my good man, we'd like
to hire your stained-glass battering ram.
17
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- Ooh, what for?
- How about two shillings?
18
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- I haven't got two shillings.
- We'll take it anyway.
19
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No! You dirty, rotten swine!
20
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*You broke my little cardboard sword.*
21
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*A stowaway, I sayl Come on outl*
22
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*All right, I will come out.*
23
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Send in Mr Sellers.
24
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- Good morning.
- Good morning, Mr Sellers.
25
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- Now...
- Yul Brynner. Is that you with him?
26
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Yes. Am I right in reading that
you're here for the part of Ned Brockway?
27
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Yes, that's right.
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You do realise the script calls
for a 60-year-old war veteran?
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I've got his voice worked out.
I could do a bit for you.
30
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Mr Sellers, I know you're quite big on radio...
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I don't like to boast.
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But film's a different medium.
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It's one I'm quite, quite keen on.
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- A visual medium, dear.
- Yes, of course.
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A very unforgivingly visual medium.
36
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But thank you ever so much for coming.
37
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I am little Michael Bluebottle.
I am an ace private detective.
38
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:12,000
He's got his own scooter,
he's got his own make-up.
39
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:17,500
- He goes anywhere in fiction.
- And I am hotfoot after the criminals
40
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what have stolen all the string!
41
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,700
I suspect the Moriarty man.
42
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Ah, where is that Moriarty man?
43
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- Thinks. Points finger.
- Pointy, pointy, pointy.
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Oh, God, now we've done it.
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- I'll get her, Anne.
- It's all right, I'll go.
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No, it's my house, I'll help Peter.
47
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You're tired. You stay and rest.
Have some fun.
48
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:42,100
Leave it to me and Peg.
49
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All right, Dad, you can be
Major Dennis Bloodnok.
50
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And you've just apprehended
England's biggest string criminal.
51
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- All right.
- Peter?
52
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You're under arrest.
53
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It's all right, it's all right.
54
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Dear, dear me.
55
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That's the girl.
56
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She's lovely. There we are.
57
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,300
Thanks, Mum. I'll... I'll do it.
58
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Those film people won't have
anything to do with me, Mum.
59
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It was my fifth audition this week.
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- What did they say to you?
- Same as usual.
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Not good-looking enough,
not magnetic enough.
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"Stick to radio. That's what you're good at."
Keep being the ringmaster in a circus of twits.
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Maybe I should just be content.
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You simpering cow.
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How can you be content changing nappies
in a flat like a woman?
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00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,700
You want to be a failure like your father,
mewl about contentment.
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- That's not very fair.
- I didn't bring you up to be content.
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00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:58,200
I didn't slog round third-rate music halls
doing three shows a night
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so you could powder your baby's bottom
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00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:03,300
and whine about how nobody
ever gives the radio man a chance.
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00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:08,300
Peter, no one's gonna hand it to you.
72
00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,500
You want success,
you've gotta go out and take it!
73
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Bite the hand that feeds you. There'll
always be another hand with more food.
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And they'll be impressed
by the sharpness of your teeth!
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Come here.
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00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:29,100
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
77
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- I love you, Peter.
- I love you, Peg.
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- I really love you, Peter.
- I love you, too, Peg.
79
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:42,200
- I really love you, Peter.
- No, I really love you, Peg.
80
00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,800
Send in Mr Cobblers.
81
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,600
Good morning.
82
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- Good morning.
- Oh, it is.
83
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:04,100
Would you like to sit down, Mr Cobblers?
84
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,400
I'd prefer to stand, if you don't mind.
85
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:13,100
You see, I caught
a bit of shrapnel... in the Ardennes.
86
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:17,500
I quite understand.
Now, I don't appear to have received your CV.
87
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,300
That would be
because I don't have one, madam.
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I don't believe a man's worth
can be summed up on a piece of paper.
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00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:28,600
It wouldn't be fair to me. Or to you.
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00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:32,100
Or to any of those dear lads I left behind...
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00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,100
in no-man's-land.
92
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But you have acted?
93
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,000
All over this fair land, madam.
94
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Well, we'll have to have
a formal audition, of course.
95
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But I must say, you're nearly perfect.
96
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:53,700
Well, we...
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Well...
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Yes, well... That's what I was thinking.
99
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It's me. Peter.
100
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:11,300
You naughty boy.
101
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,300
Perhaps now we could talk
about my contract.
102
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:54,700
*Our nominees for best performance
by a British actor are -*
103
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:59,300
*Richard Burton, Peter Finch,
Laurence Olivier*
104
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*and Peter Sellers.*
105
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,400
*And the British Academy Award goes to...*
106
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,000
*Peter Sellers, for I'm All Right Jack.*
107
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:19,700
*Your Royal Highness, you naughty man.*
108
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:26,700
*Ladies and gentlemen, thank you very much
indeed for this award, which I shall treasure.*
109
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:30,800
*You know, I went to consult
an acknowledged expert about tonight,*
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*someone who has published
several pamphlets on this subject -*
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*my mother.*
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00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,000
She told me to be short, to be sweet
and be circumscribed.
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00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,200
Which I am.
114
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,000
Don't we have any macaroons?
115
00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,900
Oh, yes.
116
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,700
It would be nice to think
me son were happy then.
117
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,300
He might have been, at that, if he could
have been happy with "good enough".
118
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:27,900
Come here. But "good enough"
were never what his mother had in mind.
119
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:33,800
That boy needed a firmer hand.
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00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:37,900
I don't know.
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00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:43,100
Maybe if Peg had let us all settle down
in one place for long enough...
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00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,400
If Pete had had a regular routine, like,
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I might have been able to teach him
something about life the way I saw it.
124
00:11:51,100 --> 00:11:55,600
- The straightforwardness of it.
- Peter Sellers, I'm All Right Jack.
125
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,600
We had to keep t'show on road.
126
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,200
*I remember once, we were all
in a caf� in Brighton, having our tea.*
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00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,900
*Pete would have been five, probably six.*
128
00:12:07,500 --> 00:12:10,100
We got down to the last cake on the plate
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00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,700
and before I could ask who wanted to share it,
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00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,900
Pete snatched it up, licked it all over.
131
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:19,000
I took it off him, of course.
132
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,600
He threw himself on t'floor,
screaming his bloody head off.
133
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:25,700
*Peg just laughed. She bought him sweets.*
134
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:28,300
Those bloody rages.
135
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,300
Pete always got the last cake.
136
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:37,700
- Even if it were on someone else's plate.
- Background action.
137
00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:43,600
...her sense of fashion and style.
138
00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,500
- There we are.
- Here it comes.
139
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:54,800
Mr Sellers. What does it feel like
to be co-starring with Sophia Loren?
140
00:12:55,800 --> 00:13:01,500
Soft, warm, a little like
being a young boy in a bakery
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00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,900
very early in the morning.
142
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,000
There she is.
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00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:11,400
- Sophia!
- Miss Loren!
144
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:13,500
- This way, Miss Loren.
- Miss Loren.
145
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:18,800
Excuse me, which one
of you gentlemen is Peter Sellers?
146
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:31,800
Peter!
147
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:46,300
Welcome to England, Miss Loren.
148
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,700
"We have never had it so good."
149
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,300
- If you go back so we can get...
- That's it.
150
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,700
- Lovely.
- Over here!
151
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,600
Please, Miss Loren, to be telling me
about your dreams.
152
00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:02,900
Oh, Doctor, they started when I was a girl.
153
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:05,600
A girl. Goodness, gracious me.
154
00:14:05,700 --> 00:14:10,000
This is a very good start.
What were you dreaming about, as a girl?
155
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,900
Boys.
156
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,000
So you have been crazy for the boys?
157
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,600
No. They were crazy for me.
158
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:20,100
That is not so crazy.
159
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,500
Such a funny boy.
160
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,900
- Excuse me. Miss Loren, it's your husband.
- Ah, thank you.
161
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:47,900
I can't see.
162
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:58,800
Open your eyes. Surprise!
163
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,300
Daddy, what's in there?
164
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:15,300
And here we have this year's Formula One
grand champion, Michael Sellers,
165
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:17,600
dubbed "the human lightning bolt".
166
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:22,500
Like any professional, young Sellers
gives his equipment a once-over.
167
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:28,200
This attention to detail allowed this speedster
to leave Stirling Moss in the dust at Aintree.
168
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:33,700
Eyes clear, the ambitious Sellers
presents a portrait of determination.
169
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:37,400
What's that, sir?
170
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:40,600
What the bloody hell is that?
171
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:49,200
I'm going to phone the dealer.
Hard-shell paint job. Bollocks!
172
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,400
I'll murder him!
173
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,800
Come and see, Dad!
174
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,100
- Come on.
- All right, I'm coming.
175
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,100
Dad! Come and see. Please.
176
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:10,200
I fixed it. I made it look beautiful.
It looks just like a racing car now.
177
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,600
Dad? Don't you like it, Dad?
178
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,500
Dad?
179
00:16:37,700 --> 00:16:41,100
You see, Michael? I fixed all your toys for you.
180
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:43,700
Aren't they beautiful?
181
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:49,300
Come on, darling,
we're going downstairs. Come on.
182
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:51,300
It's all right.
183
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,700
Your go.
184
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,900
Two.
185
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:38,100
Michael. You know
what happened this morning?
186
00:17:38,300 --> 00:17:40,000
Yeah.
187
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:43,900
- You know Daddy didn't mean it, don't you?
- Yeah.
188
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,200
You know it's not your fault?
189
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,100
He's working very hard.
190
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,700
- He gets carried away sometimes.
- OK.
191
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,300
Michael. Can I see you for a second?
192
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,200
We're in here.
193
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,200
Hi, Mike. I've got a surprise for you.
194
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:28,000
Say, pardner, come and say howdy
to your new friend.
195
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:33,300
- Give him some apple.
- OK.
196
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:39,600
- Hello. Amazing.
- D'you like him?
197
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:42,300
- I love him.
- Come round the front.
198
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:46,400
- Look, Mum.
- I think he likes you.
199
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:49,200
Big smile for Daddy.
200
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,900
- Let's call him Fred.
- Fred.
201
00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:02,500
He's asleep.
202
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,800
Tell me honestly, darling.
Is it hard to believe
203
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,700
that a woman like this
could fall for a man like me?
204
00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:21,700
Maybe it is something to do
with the mystery of being in love.
205
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:29,300
I'm afraid, men,
206
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,600
we're going to have to take
all these little cars to the toy hospital.
207
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,700
It's just not charming any more.
208
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:42,200
That's good. I have to be more than
charming, I've got to be passionate.
209
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:46,400
I'm starring opposite the most
beautiful woman in the world.
210
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,700
Your son was terrified today.
211
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:53,000
I'm under a lot of pressure.
I could use your support.
212
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:55,800
You've always had my support, Peter.
213
00:19:58,200 --> 00:20:01,100
It's my patience that I'm no longer sure about.
214
00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:32,600
Peter.
215
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,700
- Peter, what are you doing?
- I've been bad.
216
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:43,100
- Oh, Peter, come out of there.
- No.
217
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,500
Oh, hello.
218
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,700
Do you want to come down here
and join the little people?
219
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:16,900
- Peter.
- Yes, my love?
220
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:20,900
Why can't we be a normal family?
221
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,800
We are.
222
00:21:26,700 --> 00:21:28,000
You can't catch me!
223
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,900
- Sarah, I'm here.
- Waving to Daddy.
224
00:21:32,800 --> 00:21:35,100
- That's nice.
- Get here, Michael.
225
00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,100
- Champagne, Miss Loren?
- Please.
226
00:21:56,600 --> 00:21:57,900
Thank you.
227
00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:17,300
Are you tired?
I could give you a lift home after this.
228
00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:21,300
My home is in Rome.
That's an awfully long drive, no?
229
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:24,800
Well, we do have all night.
230
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,200
You are sweet.
But the studio gives me a limo.
231
00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:31,400
Besides, you live so far out here in the country.
232
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:34,900
It's out of your way to drive me into town.
233
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,800
Great thing about town,
you're so close to everything.
234
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,300
Buckingham Palace is across the way,
if you need to borrow some sugar.
235
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,800
It's not the moving I mind, Peter.
236
00:22:57,300 --> 00:22:59,300
It's just not knowing I'm moving.
237
00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:10,900
Darling, I'd like you to meet Ted Levy.
238
00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:14,200
I've brought him on as our interior decorator.
239
00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:19,200
By Royal appointment. HRH, you know.
To lighten your load, an' all. Ted. Anne.
240
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,300
It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs Sellers.
241
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,200
He's a handsome devil.
242
00:23:26,300 --> 00:23:31,200
But I figure a handsome man
will be able to make us a handsome flat.
243
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,500
- Yes.
- I wouldn't go as far as that.
244
00:23:34,600 --> 00:23:38,500
Now, Anne, Ted has got some
brilliant ideas for this place.
245
00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:43,600
- Mr Levy, was it?
- Ted.
246
00:23:46,100 --> 00:23:48,000
Call time.
247
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,200
I've gotta go.
248
00:23:50,900 --> 00:23:53,600
I've got to... I must dash orf.
249
00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,500
You two, choose away!
250
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,500
Oh, have a drinkie-poo and make a night of it.
251
00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:07,000
Ted, whatever's fine with Anne
is perfectly fine with me.
252
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,100
Why don't I show you what I've got in mind?
253
00:24:40,500 --> 00:24:41,600
Darling, you made it.
254
00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:43,600
Oh, Peter!
255
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:48,500
- Isn't your wife joining us?
- Andr�.
256
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,500
What would sir and madam say to a little fish?
257
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,100
I'd probably say, "Hello, little fish".
258
00:25:00,600 --> 00:25:02,700
Thank you.
259
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:07,500
- To us, my darling.
- You are wonderful.
260
00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,300
I just can't believe my luck.
261
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,200
You are lucky? How?
262
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:22,800
We are going to be very happy together.
263
00:25:28,100 --> 00:25:30,100
It's so dark in here, hm?
264
00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:33,900
Oh, yes, well...
We have to take precautions, you know.
265
00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:37,600
What do you mean, precautions?
266
00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:42,100
Should we tell the world?
Stop all this sneaking about?
267
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:46,200
But, Peter, I thought
we were having a friendly dinner.
268
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:55,500
It'll be relief to you, too.
Ponti's such a nice man.
269
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:57,500
It must be hard, lying to your husband.
270
00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:02,900
I think you are mistaken.
271
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:08,100
Go home to your children
and go home to your wife, Peter.
272
00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:21,400
She's right.
273
00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,800
They should be the first to know.
274
00:26:26,600 --> 00:26:28,500
Well, what d'you think?
275
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:35,100
Does this mean you want a divorce?
276
00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,300
You know, I hadn't thought about it.
277
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,400
Not necessarily.
278
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,300
Do you still love us?
279
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,700
Of course I do, sweetheart.
280
00:26:59,900 --> 00:27:01,900
Just...
281
00:27:02,100 --> 00:27:04,500
not as much as I love Sophia Loren.
282
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,100
What's he talking about?
283
00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:12,400
I don't know, darling. Come here.
284
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,200
Hello, Ted. It's Anne Sellers.
285
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:42,600
I'm glad you're there.
I've had an idea about the colour.
286
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:47,100
Well, I was wondering if we could meet.
287
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,700
Yes. Yes, that would be lovely.
288
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:55,900
I'll see you there.
289
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,500
George, how are you?
290
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:42,900
Hello.
291
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:47,100
Are you enjoying being Sophia's stand-in?
292
00:28:47,900 --> 00:28:49,600
Yes.
293
00:28:49,700 --> 00:28:52,200
Have you ever ridden
in the back of a Rolls-Royce?
294
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:57,900
- Why, no.
- Next best thing to a Bentley.
295
00:30:00,900 --> 00:30:02,800
Anne?
296
00:30:10,700 --> 00:30:11,800
Michael.
297
00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:16,800
You awake?
298
00:30:17,700 --> 00:30:19,600
Hi, Dad.
299
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,300
What is it?
300
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:29,200
Your mother is sleeping
with the interior decorator.
301
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:05,900
- Where are the children?
- They're at Peg's.
302
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,100
If you leave this flat,
I'm going to jump off this balcony.
303
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,300
Don't make me any promises, Peter.
304
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,700
All right, I'll meet you downstairs.
305
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:21,100
I had you followed.
306
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,200
The detectives asked
if I wanted to see pictures. I said no.
307
00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:28,100
- I thought that was rather chivalrous.
- How considerate.
308
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:31,700
You're not to leave this house again.
I forbid it. Come back here!
309
00:31:35,100 --> 00:31:37,100
Anne!
310
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:49,400
I do love you.
311
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,500
I'm fucking bored of the little boy!
312
00:32:07,500 --> 00:32:09,700
Why can't you be a man?
313
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,700
You're a miserable, lying shit.
314
00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,100
I hate you.
315
00:32:37,900 --> 00:32:40,000
I'll meet you downstairs.
316
00:32:53,900 --> 00:32:55,900
- And cut!
- Camera's cut.
317
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:57,500
Check the gate.
318
00:32:57,700 --> 00:32:59,800
Could we do it again? I didn't quite feel it.
319
00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:04,600
- There's no time, darling. Fix it in post.
- Oh, all right.
320
00:33:06,300 --> 00:33:08,800
This way, Mrs Sellers.
321
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,600
Oh, Peter, I love you so much.
322
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:28,800
I'm so sorry I hurt you.
I should never have slept with Ted.
323
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:34,000
You're the best lover I ever had. I'm going
to tell Ted I never want to see him again.
324
00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:37,300
Then we'll go out and eat a sumptuous meal.
325
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,300
Then I'll make love to you
326
00:33:39,500 --> 00:33:42,700
like no wife has ever made love
to her husband before.
327
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:57,800
I'm just going to freshen up and then...
328
00:33:59,100 --> 00:34:01,200
*I'll meet you downstairs.*
329
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,300
That's much better.
330
00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:30,500
She's gone, Mum.
331
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,700
You're all right. You're with Peg now.
332
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,800
I thought if I just gave the world a little push,
333
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,100
it would all fall into place.
334
00:34:46,700 --> 00:34:49,000
Well, at least you tried, dear.
335
00:34:50,500 --> 00:34:52,600
Perhaps I should call Anne.
336
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,200
She left you. Let her go.
337
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,400
I just don't know what's going to happen next.
338
00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:08,200
Don't you worry, my little boy.
339
00:35:09,300 --> 00:35:13,900
The future's ours now.
And there are many ways of finding it.
340
00:35:18,300 --> 00:35:20,400
Turn the light out, Bill.
341
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:43,800
Mr Sellers?
342
00:35:43,900 --> 00:35:46,300
Maurice Woodruff. You wish to see me.
343
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,000
Roger Moore speaks very highly of you.
344
00:35:49,200 --> 00:35:53,600
As he should. Come. The future is this way.
345
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,700
You are aware that green
is the unluckiest colour in the spectrum?
346
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,500
- It is?
- It's positively fatal.
347
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,900
- You feel better.
- Immensely.
348
00:36:33,700 --> 00:36:36,400
So, what else is troubling you?
349
00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:39,400
You're the fortune-teller.
Shouldn't you already know?
350
00:36:40,900 --> 00:36:43,500
Even fortune's pump needs priming.
351
00:36:50,300 --> 00:36:52,800
I keep making changes.
352
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,400
You know. Big ones.
353
00:36:55,500 --> 00:37:00,100
And little ones. Always hoping
that the next one will be the right one.
354
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:02,400
I lost weight, I bought new clothes.
355
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,400
I changed my radio job for a film career.
356
00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:10,600
I changed my marriage into a divorce.
357
00:37:12,300 --> 00:37:15,500
Nothing makes me happy
the way I'm supposed to be happy.
358
00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:19,100
One can't be happy if one's lonely.
359
00:37:35,600 --> 00:37:37,500
The spirits are telling me
360
00:37:37,700 --> 00:37:40,300
that there will be
many pretty ladies in your life.
361
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:45,100
You see, Peter...
You don't mind if I call you Peter?
362
00:37:45,300 --> 00:37:46,300
No.
363
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,500
You like pretty ladies.
364
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,300
You're quite a perceptive man, Maurice.
365
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:03,700
Hello, ladies.
366
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:06,100
Yes, it is me.
367
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,700
A very good day to you, sir.
Welcome to our showroom.
368
00:38:23,900 --> 00:38:26,700
It's absolutely delightful.
369
00:38:27,800 --> 00:38:31,000
As you can see,
we do have all the latest models.
370
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:36,300
- This is a sporty little number.
- Superb.
371
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:42,000
Or perhaps something more along these lines.
372
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,900
- Big grille on this one.
- Oh, yes, I have one myself, sir.
373
00:38:47,100 --> 00:38:49,200
- May I?
- Please.
374
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,200
The Germans are amazing, aren't they?
375
00:38:54,300 --> 00:38:56,100
How about engine noise?
376
00:38:56,300 --> 00:38:58,700
She'll growl when you're hard on the floor, sir.
377
00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:01,500
Rest of the time, silent as a kitten.
378
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,900
So, what will it take
to get sir into one of these today?
379
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,100
A test drive.
380
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,500
Emma, how fast d'you run the quarter mile?
381
00:39:25,100 --> 00:39:29,000
- Honestly, Mr Sellers.
- Thank you, Emma. That'll be all.
382
00:39:34,100 --> 00:39:34,400
Blake Edwards. He's shooting
a David Niven movie in Rome and Switzerland.
383
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,100
Starts filming next week. Wants you.
384
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:44,900
Next week? He obviously
hasn't wanted me for that long.
385
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:48,300
It's a supporting part.
Peter Ustinov's pulled out.
386
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:51,800
Oh, well, yes, of course I'll do it.
387
00:39:52,900 --> 00:39:56,900
Any part not good enough for Ustinov
is perfectly fine for me.
388
00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,100
- Peter...
- I'm not taking Ustinov's sloppy seconds!
389
00:40:01,300 --> 00:40:04,300
I won a fucking British Academy Award,
for God's sake!
390
00:40:04,400 --> 00:40:09,500
Are you going to overreact or listen
to why your smart agent wants you to do this?
391
00:40:09,600 --> 00:40:11,800
Apparently, I'm going to overreact.
392
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:19,900
God.
393
00:40:21,600 --> 00:40:25,000
Blake Edwards is the hottest director
in Hollywood right now.
394
00:40:25,100 --> 00:40:28,000
Days Of Wine And Roses,
Breakfast At Tiffany's.
395
00:40:28,100 --> 00:40:32,000
He can get anyone he wants.
And, Peter, he wants you.
396
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,600
United Artists are putting
a lot of weight behind it.
397
00:40:35,700 --> 00:40:38,900
It's going to get very wide,
very international release.
398
00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:43,400
You may be a star in Britain, but the folks
in Duluth have never heard of you.
399
00:40:43,500 --> 00:40:46,100
Well, we're even. I've never heard of Duluth.
400
00:40:46,300 --> 00:40:48,400
It's in the United States.
401
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,500
That Duluth.
402
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,700
It's called The Pink Panther.
403
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:01,700
It sounds like a bloody strip joint.
404
00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,500
For poofs.
405
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:37,800
Please. Try mine.
406
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:45,100
Excuse me, but aren't you Peter Sellers?
407
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,000
Not today.
408
00:42:02,800 --> 00:42:07,700
Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to make
our final approach into Rome International.
409
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:10,300
Please take your seat, sir.
410
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:15,000
Please ensure your seat belts
are fastened and your seats are upright.
411
00:42:15,100 --> 00:42:18,200
I'm looking for my tru-ung.
412
00:42:19,200 --> 00:42:21,800
- Your tru-ung?
- What?
413
00:42:21,900 --> 00:42:25,600
- You said "tru-ung"?
- I know perfectly well what I said.
414
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:28,500
Right. I don't understand.
415
00:42:28,700 --> 00:42:31,300
Are you not familiar
with Her Majesty's tu-ung?
416
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:32,900
Yes, I am.
417
00:42:33,000 --> 00:42:36,700
And I can assure you the word "tru-ung"
418
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:39,300
does not exist in our language.
419
00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:41,900
Then I demand to speak
to the person in charge.
420
00:42:42,100 --> 00:42:45,400
- I am the person in charge, sir.
- Then I demand to speak with you.
421
00:42:45,500 --> 00:42:49,000
- You are speaking to me.
- Of course I am speaking with you.
422
00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:53,900
What kind of a crazy stewardess thinks
a passenger stands, speaking with himself?
423
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:57,900
What kind of a passenger puts lives at risk
just before a landing?
424
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:00,200
Our lives are at risk?
425
00:43:00,300 --> 00:43:02,300
Our lives are not at risk.
426
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,700
Now sit down and belt up.
I'm getting completely lost.
427
00:43:06,900 --> 00:43:08,700
Lost?
428
00:43:08,900 --> 00:43:11,900
Yes, we have a slight state of emergency.
429
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:14,700
French twa...
430
00:43:16,900 --> 00:43:21,100
I want you to go very quietly
and spik with the peelot.
431
00:43:21,200 --> 00:43:23,100
- Peelot?
- What?
432
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,500
- You said "peelot".
- I know very well what I said.
433
00:43:26,600 --> 00:43:31,100
I have a funny feeling we might be
landing in Rome sooner than we think.
434
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,600
You be careful, Mr Sellers.
435
00:44:04,100 --> 00:44:08,100
Carol, our guest has arrived.
Will you take his coat, please?
436
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:13,500
And he also looks a little thirsty, Gill.
437
00:44:19,000 --> 00:44:22,200
Ah, yes, Switzerland. Of course.
438
00:44:27,400 --> 00:44:29,600
Hi. Blake Edwards.
439
00:44:30,700 --> 00:44:32,900
Running things on a shoestring, I see.
440
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,600
- Welcome to Hollywood.
- This is Italy.
441
00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:37,800
Hollywood is a state of mind.
442
00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:42,500
I've got one or two ideas about Clouseau.
Couple of bits...
443
00:44:42,700 --> 00:44:46,300
Peter. The script will be shot as written.
444
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:49,300
- Yes, but in the bedroom scene...
- I mean it.
445
00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:55,500
Look at his...
446
00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:58,800
OK. You look great. Let's shoot this.
447
00:44:59,000 --> 00:45:00,800
This is where we introduce Clouseau
448
00:45:00,900 --> 00:45:04,000
and we tip off the audience
that your wife is David's mistress.
449
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:07,600
We're in a hurry.
We only have Niven until two o'clock
450
00:45:07,700 --> 00:45:10,400
so we'd like to get it in one take. Ready?
451
00:45:10,500 --> 00:45:14,300
OK. He's only got one line.
Keep him in the frame, whatever he does.
452
00:45:14,500 --> 00:45:16,400
Henri, you wanna take your mark?
453
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:20,300
- OK.
- 192. Eight, take one.
454
00:45:21,500 --> 00:45:22,400
Action.
455
00:45:47,300 --> 00:45:49,800
We must find that woman.
456
00:45:53,100 --> 00:45:55,500
Is that what you said?
457
00:46:01,600 --> 00:46:03,300
Tell me you got that.
458
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:07,900
Testing. On the set of
The Pink Panther in Gstaad, Switzerland,
459
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,100
with Peter Sellers.
460
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:16,800
Peter, how are you able
to inhabit your characters so successfully?
461
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:23,100
Well, you see, I don't really have
any personality of my own.
462
00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:27,700
There used to be a me behind the mask
but I had it surgically removed.
463
00:46:29,100 --> 00:46:34,800
I don't know. If I didn't have characters
like Clouseau, I don't know who I'd be.
464
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,700
Perhaps I'd be you.
But then if I were you, who would you be?
465
00:46:40,300 --> 00:46:42,000
You.
466
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:44,100
That's very good.
467
00:46:44,300 --> 00:46:48,700
So, word is, you're stealing this movie
from David Niven.
468
00:46:48,900 --> 00:46:50,800
No, no, that's ridiculous.
469
00:46:50,900 --> 00:46:53,800
This... this is such a team effort.
470
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:58,200
David Niven is one of the cinema's
most distinguished leading men.
471
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:03,300
One can learn a lot from people
like that, you know.
472
00:47:13,100 --> 00:47:15,700
Terrific, Blake. Talk tomorrow about that.
473
00:47:17,200 --> 00:47:20,000
Good show. The Frogs will never
forgive you. Well done.
474
00:47:20,100 --> 00:47:22,400
- Thank you, David.
- Genius.
475
00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:29,400
I'm not supposed to tell you but United Artists
already wants a Clouseau sequel.
476
00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:32,500
- Who's directing?
- Oh, probably some hack.
477
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:37,300
- I'm dead fucking serious.
- Peter, relax.
478
00:47:37,500 --> 00:47:40,200
- You're not suggesting you would?
- What?
479
00:47:40,400 --> 00:47:45,000
I was bloody awful up there. If that's what you
get out of me, I don't want to repeat it.
480
00:47:45,100 --> 00:47:48,100
- You blame me for your performance?
- You agree I was awful?
481
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,100
- I thought you were brilliant!
- What the fuck do you know?
482
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,500
Peter, we're all going out.
You just have to come.
483
00:47:55,300 --> 00:47:57,200
Ah, hello.
484
00:47:57,300 --> 00:47:59,300
- Yung Hi.
- So Mi.
485
00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,100
Oh, that's so you.
I knew there was a pronoun involved.
486
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:05,800
Blakey, aren't you coming?
487
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:19,100
*Crowds continue to flock
to see The Pink Panther.*
488
00:48:19,300 --> 00:48:23,900
*One avid patron, waiting in line
to see the film for the third time,*
489
00:48:24,000 --> 00:48:27,400
*was heard to remark, "I love foreign films.*
490
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,900
*"Peter Sellers is my absolute
favourite French actor. "*
491
00:48:32,600 --> 00:48:37,300
Peter. Oh, you've got a hit.
You shouldn't be here.
492
00:48:38,800 --> 00:48:42,800
- How long has he been like this?
- Since last Monday.
493
00:48:44,400 --> 00:48:46,900
You didn't tell me.
494
00:48:55,500 --> 00:48:57,200
Pete...
495
00:49:07,500 --> 00:49:09,500
Peg said you couldn't come.
496
00:49:14,900 --> 00:49:17,200
Well, I'm here now, Dad.
497
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:20,900
Pete...
498
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:22,900
Bloke in the next bed...
499
00:49:24,700 --> 00:49:26,900
I promised him your autograph.
500
00:49:42,100 --> 00:49:46,600
- I'll get right onto that, Dad.
- Yeah. He'll like that.
501
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,000
I told him...
502
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:56,200
my son...
503
00:49:58,100 --> 00:50:00,400
who's a special boy...
504
00:50:10,000 --> 00:50:13,100
No. No, let him rest now.
505
00:50:14,400 --> 00:50:16,400
Let him rest.
506
00:51:05,000 --> 00:51:07,900
The reporters. They'll want some remarks.
507
00:51:17,100 --> 00:51:19,700
You didn't call me.
508
00:51:36,300 --> 00:51:38,400
Hello. Is Mike there?
509
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:42,500
Do you know when he'll be back?
510
00:51:42,700 --> 00:51:44,700
All right. No, it's... Bye.
511
00:51:53,200 --> 00:51:56,800
*- Is Harry there, please?
- It's Harry. How are you?*
512
00:51:57,700 --> 00:52:01,600
I'm fine. I'm looking after Mike.
I thought you might like to pop over for a beer.
513
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,200
Oh. Oh, is that today? I forgot, yeah.
514
00:52:06,300 --> 00:52:09,300
*- Why don't we say Monday?
- Er, right.*
515
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:11,500
*- Ying ton, mate.
- Iddle i po!*
516
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:16,600
Mike, put that down. Put it down, please.
517
00:52:16,700 --> 00:52:18,600
Thank you.
518
00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:21,600
Go to your room.
519
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:34,700
Oh, Bert, you swine.
520
00:52:39,000 --> 00:52:40,800
Here it is, here it is.
521
00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,200
Welcome to my humble chapeau.
522
00:52:59,100 --> 00:53:00,900
God.
523
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,300
I don't seem to be able to get it in.
524
00:53:04,100 --> 00:53:06,100
What's going on?
525
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:08,500
Good evening, Mr Sellers.
526
00:53:11,600 --> 00:53:14,300
Oh, Christ!
527
00:53:14,500 --> 00:53:17,100
You nearly gave me a heart attack.
528
00:53:17,200 --> 00:53:19,400
You're a hard man to get ahold of.
529
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:22,600
- Not really.
- Oh, God.
530
00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:25,500
Linda, I'd like you to meet Stanley Kubrick.
531
00:53:27,700 --> 00:53:29,600
It's nice to meet you.
532
00:53:30,700 --> 00:53:34,400
So, er, Columbia won't let me
make my next picture without you.
533
00:53:34,500 --> 00:53:36,600
Awfully insightful of them.
534
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,400
What's the part?
535
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,400
All of them.
536
00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,500
What, the whole film?
537
00:53:54,400 --> 00:53:56,900
You can destroy the world, Peter.
538
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:02,400
Fine. I can hear you now, Dmitri,
clear and plain and coming through fine.
539
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:06,000
Yes, it's good that you're fine and I'm fine.
540
00:54:08,300 --> 00:54:11,400
And I agree with you, it's great to be fine.
541
00:54:14,300 --> 00:54:16,300
Now, then, Dmitri...
542
00:54:17,000 --> 00:54:18,700
You know how we've always talked
543
00:54:18,900 --> 00:54:23,000
about the possibility of something
going wrong with the bomb?
544
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:25,800
The hydrogen bomb.
545
00:54:26,000 --> 00:54:29,900
Now, what happened is,
one of our base commanders,
546
00:54:30,000 --> 00:54:32,100
he had a sort of...
547
00:54:32,800 --> 00:54:35,600
Well, he went a little funny in the head.
548
00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:37,700
Just a little funny.
549
00:54:41,000 --> 00:54:43,200
You know, and he went and did a silly thing.
550
00:54:43,900 --> 00:54:45,600
Oh, now, don't be mad at me, Dmitri.
551
00:54:45,700 --> 00:54:48,900
Remember that time
we were dancing with Natalia?
552
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:53,000
You remember Natalia,
the girl with the huge... arthritic problem.
553
00:54:55,700 --> 00:54:57,600
Sorry, Stan.
554
00:55:02,500 --> 00:55:06,600
I can assure you...
I can assure you, Major Bat Guano -
555
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:08,500
if that is indeed your name -
556
00:55:08,700 --> 00:55:11,700
if you don't put that gun away
and stop this nonsense,
557
00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:15,700
the court inquiry is gonna come down
on you like a ton of bricks.
558
00:55:15,800 --> 00:55:19,500
The court inquiry is gonna...
give you such a pranging.
559
00:55:20,200 --> 00:55:23,100
- Mr Sellers.
- Hilary.
560
00:55:23,300 --> 00:55:27,200
- What happened to my luncheon?
- Your mother's here.
561
00:55:28,900 --> 00:55:31,100
Shall I tell her you're in make-up?
562
00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,700
No, I'll be right there.
563
00:55:41,000 --> 00:55:43,000
You missed Sarah's birthday.
564
00:55:45,900 --> 00:55:49,900
Peter, you know the press
pay a lot of attention to that sort of thing.
565
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:54,100
You know, liebchen,
that is not chicken that you are eating.
566
00:55:56,900 --> 00:56:00,300
Anyway, I told the man at The Times
that you were busy filming,
567
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:04,700
that you'd sent your love and nothing was
more important to you than your children.
568
00:56:04,800 --> 00:56:07,000
I think he was satisfied with that.
569
00:56:13,900 --> 00:56:16,000
Sarah made you that.
570
00:56:21,500 --> 00:56:23,500
Eat your lunch.
571
00:56:26,300 --> 00:56:29,000
You know, in ze comink years,
572
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:31,500
ze nuclear family as we know it
573
00:56:32,300 --> 00:56:34,400
will have ceased to exist.
574
00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:41,100
All human requirements...
575
00:56:42,100 --> 00:56:45,700
will be dealt with cleanly and efficiently.
576
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,300
Nourishment.
577
00:56:51,100 --> 00:56:53,200
Leisure pastimes.
578
00:56:54,600 --> 00:56:56,700
Sexual partners.
579
00:56:58,000 --> 00:57:02,500
All zeez problems
vill be regulated by ze state.
580
00:57:03,900 --> 00:57:06,400
So you see there will be no need for food.
581
00:57:08,100 --> 00:57:10,200
Or mothers...
582
00:57:25,200 --> 00:57:28,300
How was lunch with your son, Mrs Sellers?
583
00:57:28,500 --> 00:57:31,800
I don't know, really. I didn't see him.
584
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,000
- Anybody home?
- In here.
585
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,500
- Hello, you.
- Annie, Annie darling.
586
00:58:02,400 --> 00:58:04,300
- Sarah Sellers?
- I'm Sarah.
587
00:58:05,300 --> 00:58:07,900
Oh. There you go, then, deary.
588
00:58:09,800 --> 00:58:11,600
Let's have a look.
589
00:58:12,700 --> 00:58:16,900
"For Sarah. Maybe one day
I'll teach you to ride it. Love, Daddy."
590
00:58:17,100 --> 00:58:19,100
Just sign here, madam.
591
00:58:20,500 --> 00:58:22,700
Go and have a look, love. Thanks.
592
00:58:25,300 --> 00:58:29,100
"Boys. Boy, I say, boy. I say, boy.
593
00:58:29,200 --> 00:58:32,900
"Boys, let's get this on the hump.
We got some flyin' to do."
594
00:58:33,000 --> 00:58:35,800
- Flatter.
- I'm not playing a bomber pilot.
595
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,200
What can I do with that,
crammed in there? Oh, look.
596
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:41,300
Let me just hear it again.
597
00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:44,800
Three characters is enough.
Three is a good number.
598
00:58:44,900 --> 00:58:48,700
- You're being paid for four.
- You're stretching me too thin.
599
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:51,200
Who do you think I am?
600
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,500
I think you're whoever I want you to be.
601
00:58:53,600 --> 00:58:55,800
Then who am I now?
602
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:02,900
Peter, have you ever heard
of Mutually Assured Destruction?
603
00:59:03,500 --> 00:59:05,400
Hum a few bars and I'll join in.
604
00:59:07,900 --> 00:59:12,700
It refers to when both sides
in an atomic conflict are so powerful
605
00:59:12,900 --> 00:59:15,400
that if either side were to take action,
606
00:59:15,600 --> 00:59:20,500
it would inevitably result
in the total annihilation of all concerned.
607
00:59:20,600 --> 00:59:24,000
I find this concept
can be applied to many situations.
608
00:59:28,700 --> 00:59:31,300
You're a peculiar fucker, Stan.
609
00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:34,500
Wait. Peter...
610
00:59:35,300 --> 00:59:37,200
Peter...
611
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:41,300
Can we have the ladders, please?
Finish off this painting.
612
00:59:44,000 --> 00:59:46,400
You've got no idea what it's like to be me.
613
00:59:46,500 --> 00:59:48,900
We haven't got time for that.
614
00:59:53,600 --> 00:59:56,900
Absolute control is a useful thing.
615
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:04,900
Eliminate the personal element...
and you can get so much more done.
616
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:11,300
This was a realisation
that Peter Sellers never had to face...
617
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:16,100
because there was
no person there to begin with.
618
01:00:17,400 --> 01:00:19,600
He was a vessel
619
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:25,200
into which characters
and personalities ran like phantoms.
620
01:00:27,700 --> 01:00:31,600
But even an empty vessel can become too full.
621
01:00:35,200 --> 01:00:37,300
I'm not getting it!
622
01:00:39,300 --> 01:00:41,200
I'm useless!
623
01:00:45,000 --> 01:00:51,500
Sarah, your father is a useless,
talentless, empty man. Did you know that?
624
01:00:52,800 --> 01:00:54,500
Yes, Daddy.
625
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:57,400
Right, then.
626
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:09,100
- Dad?
- Use the other loo, Mike. I'm busy.
627
01:01:10,000 --> 01:01:12,100
I don't have to go, Dad.
628
01:01:16,300 --> 01:01:18,300
Please open the door.
629
01:01:26,700 --> 01:01:29,200
- What d'you want?
- Are you all right?
630
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:33,400
No. I'm not all right. I'm not all right at all.
631
01:01:33,500 --> 01:01:37,900
I can't find the voice for Major King Kong.
That's all I'm hired for.
632
01:01:38,000 --> 01:01:40,200
I can't find it because it's not there!
633
01:01:43,500 --> 01:01:45,800
- Dad.
- Your dad doesn't exist!
634
01:01:46,500 --> 01:01:49,000
Where's the bloody Seconal?
635
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:11,300
Dad. When I didn't want
to play rugby at school,
636
01:02:11,400 --> 01:02:13,500
I said I was sick when I wasn't.
637
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:19,300
They let me sit in the nurse's office.
She was very pretty.
638
01:02:24,900 --> 01:02:26,800
Was she?
639
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,100
Morning, Stan.
640
01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:49,400
I'm afraid I had a spot of bother
getting out of a cab last night.
641
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:53,300
Damned nuisance.
50192
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