All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s03e15 Ode to Billie and Joe

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now just pat the bed.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
say, I've got to relearn the basics.

I never learned anyway. When will I find
someone who understands?

When will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was thought of the longest day.

It was a rude...

for grad school, you know? Oh, of
course. Of course. I mean, I'd still be

off medical school if I hadn't gotten
married.

You went to medical school and got
married? Mm -hmm. And my husband, Brad,

in the music business, manages Sting.
Wow.

Sting. Mm -hmm.

So look at you, you lucky guy.

Oh, him.

Hey, Haley, can you come in the back
with me, help me polish up the silver?

honey, you and your fresh talk.

You just have to wait until I get home
for that.

What?

I was just telling my good friend from
college, Gina, all about you. Gina, this

is my husband, Dave.

So nice to meet you, Dave.

Nice to meet you, Gina.

This is only one of the restaurants that
Dave owns.

Oh, it's lovely.

Where are the others?

Well, there's our downtown location, and
then, of course, there is the one in

Santa Monica. Santa Monica, where? I'm
there all the time.

Oh, not that Santa Monica. The one in
Spain.

Oh. I'd love to meet your husband. Is he
with you?

No, no, not right now. But why don't the
four of us have dinner tomorrow?

Great. Oh, terrific.

Oh, bye.

So nice to meet you. Oh, goodbye.

Bye. Thank you.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

What the fuck was that?

I'm sorry, Dave.

It's just that Gina competed with me
for...

everything in college, and I couldn't
stand there and listen to her talk about

being a doctor and a rich husband, and
then admit that I'm an unmarried

harvesting an embryo for a gay couple.

But you've got nothing to be ashamed of.
You don't understand.

Yes, I do. I do understand. I was a
drunk for eight years. Everybody I went

college with is further along in life
than I am. I mean, except for the

The point is, you can't let competition
like that drive you crazy.

Obviously, I have.

Please be my husband, Dave. Just this
one dinner will mean so much to me.

I can't let her see who I really am.

Okay. Thank you. I will.

I'm going to tell you something, though.
All right? Living a lie, it's a lot

like being an overly flexible
nymphomaniac.

It's only a matter of time before you
fuck yourself.

That's no way to talk to your wife.

Now, listen.

They were supposed to deliver this lamb
like six hours ago, okay? When it

finally gets here, I want you to smell
it and make sure it hasn't gone bad.

Smell the lamb. Right.

That's our entire food inspection
procedure?

We smell it?

You're not the only one smelling it,
man. Juan's got to sniff it, too. Oh,

that sounds foolproof. Okay, so after we
sniff the meat, then what? Okay, the

dishwasher isn't working. You're going
to have to pitch in with them. It's

broken? No, it's deported.

Ah, so our hiring procedures are as
impeccable as our food inspection.

I sniff everyone I hire.

Thanks for covering for me. Thank you.
Hey, I got it.

Meat's here.

Smells good to me. Should I sign?

No, I'll be right in to sniff it myself.

Another chardonnay. Thank you.

Hope you're not going to lecture me.

I didn't say anything.

You didn't have to because there's an
air of disapproval around you.

I have to control the air.

Look, Mother, I'm not happy that you're
drinking again, but I want to spend time

with you, and I'm not going to say
anything because I know it's useless.

That's the spirit.

Speaking of which, cheers.

Cheers to your health, which would be
greatly improved if you... Shut up.

Isn't this fun?

We should do it more often.

Well, we still can.

Why didn't we go to Spargo's?

There's no one here even worth ignoring.

Far from you.

Well, at least I'm good for something.

Hey, ladies.

Oh, hello, Marvin.

Marcus. Didn't I say that? Uh, no,
Mommy, you didn't. Well, who's Marvin?

I know, I know, Marvin.

Oh, it'll come to me. Don't tell me.
Don't tell me. Tell you? I can barely

listen to you.

Marvin, Marvin.

Billy, I was wondering if I could borrow
your nose for a minute to smelt the

meat.

Don't you want to pull a fight? Ask one
of me, mister. I know what you're

talking about.

Believe you me, I've smelt plenty of
meat in my day.

Well, maybe mom should come with us. Oh,
leave them away.

Would you please tell my mother that
there really is some questionable meat

there? Well, there really is some... Oh,
shit. It's my dad.

Your father?

Dad, what are you doing here?

I'm being supportive.

By visiting my son and his new business
venture. Though I...

Don't see him, and he never calls.

Well, he's been busy with his successful
restaurant, which he'd like to tell you

about. But maybe some other time, some
other place. What's wrong with now?

We're right here.

Well, this place sucks.

But this is your place.

Yeah, God, no.

Hi. Hey, you.

I'm Billy.

Yeah, Billy is a colleague of mine at
the magazine.

Billy, this is my father, Joseph Adams.

It's a pleasure.

So, what do you do at the magazine?

Oh, she works in editorial.

Oh, I'm forming some opinions right now,
as a matter of fact. Yeah.

You know what?

Why don't we just eat here?

But you said it sucked.

No, I was being modest.

You go on inside.

Get a table. I'll be right in. Billy and
I have a little business to discuss.

Yes, I'm doing an article on awkward
social situations.

Could Nancy meet us here?

Yeah, Marcus, could Nancy meet us here?
Because, you know, that would make my

article so much more interesting.

No, no, she's got a headache.

What a coincidence.

So do I.

I'll get us a table.

Cool. Nice meeting you. Nice meeting
you.

Hey, I'm going to make it up to you. No,
I do. I'm going to see your back rubs.

I see a trip to Palm Springs.

I see... A big pile of bullshit and a
giant shovel.

Listen, I'm going to explain this to
you. Oh, I got it.

I haven't told my dad that Nancy and I
are getting divorced yet. Really?

Yeah, you know, I picked that up when he
asked if your wife would be joining

you. I don't want to hear his bullshit.

All my life I've heard it, and nothing's
been good enough for this guy.

When I was starting quarterback, I
wasn't all state.

When I graduated third in my class, I
wasn't valedictorian.

Come on.

I mean, is he really that hard?

If I was Jesus Christ, he'd say, what,
three days arise?

What are you, lazy?

Would you like a drink?

I've had several.

You see, I've got a sort of an in here
because my daughter has slept with both

the owners.

My son is one of the owners. From what I
hear, he's very talented if you get my

hidden meaning.

Oh, how I wish I didn't.

What brings you to my table in your
obviously inebriated condition?

My legs.

Aren't they lovely?

Why don't you walk away on them and I'll
let you know?

How will you let me know if I'll be
gone?

By nodding approvingly as you leave the
premises.

There's no way to speak to a future in
-law.

No, it isn't. But all of my children are
happily married, so there's no threat

of that.

So it's not about me?

Hell no.

It's not that you're not good enough.
It's that I've never been good enough.

Yes, you are.

I mean, you are the best damn co -worker
that I've ever...

co -worked with.

Is he going to back me up?

Tell me the name of my column.

What are you talking about? Your son is
dating my daughter.

Excuse me?

They're probably having a quickie on the
patio, even as we speak.

Shit. Oh, shit. I got something I gotta
do.

What? Fake my own ass.

Marcus. Too late. Hey, Dad.

I'll be right behind you. Don't touch
me, okay?

Hey, I see you met the lovely Miss
Frank. I've had the pleasure, yeah.

We've just been having a very
interesting conversation.

Speak for yourself.

Marcus, was there something you wanted
to tell me?

Wanted to?

No. Billy, tell that man that you and
Marcus are dating.

So it's true, then?

Yeah.

Does your wife know?

You never tell the wife.

Dad, Nancy and I are getting divorced.

I'm sorry, I should have told you
sooner. I didn't plan for you to... Find

that way. Really, Marcus?

What way did you plan?

A full -page ad in the Times? A
billboard?

Perhaps you were going to have the
church choir sing a hymn during services

Sunday. One entitled, Joseph's son is
shaming the family.

Because it's the only way I could feel
any more humiliated and disappointed

I do right now.

I was going to tell you when everything
was final, but it doesn't surprise me

that you react like this anyway.

Ah, so it is.

my fault no it's my fault you know why
because everything is my fault no not

everything darling but this is
definitely your fault mom please don't

him all right fine it's your fault then
does that make you feel better wait up

another drink i think you've had enough
i don't care what you think you don't

care what anybody thinks no i don't
mother you're making this It's not my

if your boyfriend is ashamed of you. I'm
not ashamed of her. Well, yes, you are.

Otherwise, you would have told him. My
son would not date a woman he was

of. Well, he's certainly not proud of
her. Madam, at this juncture, I believe

it's entirely possible that he did not
want me to meet her because he was

ashamed of you.

I will not stand here and be insulted by
a self -important, judgmental tyrant.

Excellent, son.

Excellent choices.

Mr. Adams, she's drunk and she has...
Believe me, I would really love to be

to say that it was a pleasure meeting
you, but it wasn't.

And like my son, I'm not a liar.

I was thinking we should probably think
of something to tell Gina and Brad about

how we met and all that.

All right. Why don't we do that when
we're there?

Listen, I'm very fast on my feet. You
just follow my lead, all right?

I jotted a couple things down, so...
This is like nine pages.

Wow, and it's very romantic.

We met in macrame class?

Ceramics?

Sculpting. Okay, sculpting.

You were a nude model, and I was very
good with my hands. Yeah.

Where the hell are my keys?

I don't know.

But our first date was on a hot air
balloon ride. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I

on one of those once with this chick
named Cherry.

Let me tell you something. She blew more
than hot air.

Dave. Sorry.

Let's just skip ahead to the part where
you proposed to me on a Ferris wheel. On

a Ferris wheel. A Ferris wheel and a hot
air balloon? What are we, like the Mile

High couple?

Don't tell me. We went bungee jumping on
our honeymoon.

Mountain climbing.

Page 11.

This is insane.

I mean, real married couples don't even
have this much history.

March 19th to March 26th, 1997.

Whitewater rafting. How long have you
been concocting this fantasy life?

With you?

Why do you think I went into psychology?

I see.

Don't worry, I've got a great memory.

Okay, I'll read the rest on the way
over.

Come on there, uh, horny bunny.

Honey bunny.

No. Well, I've got to say, I think horny
bunny is cuter.

Yeah. During the uncomfortable silence
on the ride home, I tried to look for

silver lining in what just happened.

I don't think you're going to find any
silver.

You might find some tin. No, no, no, I
found some.

I was not the one who threw the wine,
and that is gross, you know? Because in

the past, if there was liquid flying
through the air, it would have been

out of me, you know what I mean?

Well, you know what I mean.

Billy, I'm sorry.

There's no reason why you should be in
the middle of me and my dad.

And Nancy.

No, no.

Nancy has nothing to do with this.

I think your father would beg to differ.

And I think that he would beg you to
differ as well.

Ah, but guess what? I don't live my life
according to what my father wants. Yes,

you do.

Up until now, you've been pretending to
still be married to your wife because of

what your father wants.

No, that's not why.

I was just waiting for the right time to
tell a man.

Looks like the right time found you.

Any remote chance that you wanted this
to happen?

What? A big blowout in my place of
business?

People acting a fool and hurling insults
and whining? Why the hell would I want

that to happen?

Because now he knows and you didn't have
to tell him.

And now I know that you didn't want to.

Dave, where did you and Hayley meet?

On a Ferris wheel.

No, an sculpting class.

On a Ferris wheel. It was a cultural
amusement park in Europe.

Oh, God, I love Europe.

Brad and I were married at the Louvre.

Sting played at our reception.

The paparazzi were, like, wide.

How awful.

Dave and I opted for a quiet little
ceremony in the Sistine Chapel.

We didn't want any publicity. You know,
what with Harrison Ford being his best

man and... Wow. Hey, how do you know
Harrison Ford?

I was his stunt double.

Yeah, before I became a restaurateur, I
was his stunt double. Oh, really?

Which movie?

Regarding Henry.

Oh, man, Sting loves...

Regarding Henry. Yeah, he's playing at
the amphitheater. You guys want to go on

Friday? Brad will get a ticket.

Great. Actually, Friday's a very busy
night at the restaurant.

It's restaurants.

Couldn't you get Marcus or one of your
many managers to cover for you? I could,

yes. But as you know, they're all
gravely ill. Haven't you heard? It was a

-hour thing. So we can go to things.

Great.

Cool.

Thanks for giving me the address.

It's always comforting to know where
one's children are living.

Yeah, well, I've been going through a
lot of changes lately.

Well, that's fine. I'm getting used to
surprises.

You got any more you want to tell me
about?

Still working at the magazine?

Or have you become an astronaut?

Yeah, I'm an astronaut now. Would you
like some tang?

Why don't you surprise me?

Okay.

You know, I probably should have told
you about this whole Nancy thing. Yeah,

then... Why didn't you?

You know, I haven't always agreed on my
life choices.

College, career, politics, clothing,
hairstyle.

Did you get highlights?

We always agreed on how cool Nancy was,
though.

Is?

She's not dead.

Or is that something else you were going
to spring on me?

She's very much alive, and she's
divorcing me, and...

And I lost her.

Did you two try counseling?

I tried a lot of things.

Well, obviously you didn't try hard
enough.

I think I did.

And you have no idea what went on
between us.

Maybe not, but I do know you.

Come on, that's what got you a job at a
magazine instead of doing something

really important. I like my life. And,
um, I like what I do. You like the fact

that your wife walked out on you? No,
but I'm choosing to be happy with Billy.

And my problems with Nancy went a hell
of a lot deeper than trying on. Come on,

Marcus. Cut the shit, man.

Your mother and I were married for over
32 years.

It wasn't always easy, but we made it
work.

You can patch things up with Nancy, but
you've got to make an effort.

You haven't listened to a thing I said.

You watch your tone, son. I tried living
up to your expectations.

I'm not you.

Maybe I didn't take the path you wanted
me to take.

But I had to make my own path, the best
way I know how. You see where that got

you? Yeah, I do. I'm 36 years old, and
I'm still worried about my dad's

feelings. Why can't I live my life like
that anymore?

Well, maybe you can find a softer,
easier father to adopt you.

Well, I don't need one.

I'm a grown man. I don't need your
approval anymore.

Period.

Mom, could you please hurry up? We have
to meet Marcus at 7 .30. Darling, which

color says I'm sorry best, claret or
lavender?

That's a lot to ask of a pantsuit. I
paid a lot for it. Come on, I want your

opinion.

The lavender, then.

Really? No, I think the claret.

Mom, this night is really important to
me. I really want you and Marcus to get

along. I think it was really sweet of
him to invite us after everything that

happened. What happened, darling?

The wine, the throwing of the wine on
his father?

He could have done.

Oh, darling, look, I'm wearing the
claret, that should say it all. Good,

you also manage to be charming?

Manage charming? Darling, I discovered
charming. Charming was mildly pleasant

until I found out.

I put charming on the map.

A little lesson.

Oh, Les, all right. Yeah, I've got it.

However... No, no, no, please.

No howevers.

Have you ever considered... What?

You know, is Marcus really worth it?
Darling, you know, I've been around a

times. Well, more than a few, actually.

So many times that I'm dizzy.

But if there's one thing I've learned,
it's this.

When they hide you from the parents,
that's bad.

Mom, Marcus had his reasons for doing
that, okay? And I am not exactly perfect

either. Oh, I'll call CNN.

Hello, love. Billy isn't perfect.

When he and I first met, I was a drunk.

So what are you saying? That a man in
the middle of a divorce is the best you

can do?

Hey, in the world of Billy Frank, that
is progress.

He laughed at my jokes. He returned my
calls. He paid for my dinner.

Isn't it amazing?

No, it's not.

He should.

You deserve all that.

And to be presented to his parents like
a jewel.

Ready to go, honey bunny?

Yes, I'm ready, but I'm not going to go.

What? But Gina got us front row seats.

I thought you liked Sting. I do.

I do. I like Sting, but I like you more.
The real you.

Not the eerily fictitious, macrame -ing,
hot -air -ballooning you.

But I want to be that Haley.

I should be her. I can't be her without
you.

You're better than her.

If you only saw that, you wouldn't have
to lie. You're fantastic. You're funny.

You're refusive. You're beautiful.

If you saw you like I see you, you
wouldn't lie.

If I'm so great, then why are you
breaking up with me? I'm not breaking up

you, Hayley.

I'm divorcing the honey bunny.

Gina, I tried to call you about tonight.
We're not going to be able to make it.

Why? What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just that my marriage is
imaginary.

Oh.

Are you guys even seeing each other?

Yeah, every day at work. He's my boss.

I'm a waitress.

I've never been to the Sistine Chapel,
and Dave doesn't know Harrison Ford.

Wait, are you pregnant or just fat?

I'm a surrogate mother for a gay couple.

Oh, wow. Well, that's an honor, isn't
it?

I was their second choice.

Oh. But still, second, right? Yeah.

I'm kind of glad because I sort of lied,
too, you know, about what Brad does.

He said he stings managers.

Right.

Only he's not.

He's a roadie, and I'm a groupie for a
roadie.

You're not a doctor?

No.

I'm a cashier at Rite Aid.

In the Valley.

Gina, why did you lie to me?

Because you're ahead of me. You're
pregnant, you're in love with Dave, and

work at this place.

Why'd you lie to me?

Because I'm pregnant, I'm in love with
Dave, and I work in this place.

Can we still see Sting?

Yeah.

We might have to carry some instruments.

Great.

Miss Frank, you look lovely tonight.

Red is your color. It's barren.

That's what I mean.

Mom, don't let the pantsuit do all the
talking.

Right. Marcus, you look wonderful
tonight, as you always do.

Well, thank you, but not always. Not
when I'm letting your daughter down like

did the other night.

She means the world to me.

That's sweet.

And I want to make it up to her. Then
buy her mother a drink.

No, no, no. Come on.

It's only wine. It's purely medicinal.

I'd throw half of it anyway.

Little joke.

Ha, ha.

Glass of Chardonnay, darling.

Thank you.

And Marcus, is your father joining us
here tonight? Well, since he wasn't

invited, I doubt it.

Then why is he here?

Daddy?

Marcus?

I was hoping that I could talk to you
alone for a moment.

Well, whatever you have to say to me,
you can say it for my lady and her

Sister.

Hard. Come on, it's worth a shot.

I appreciate your humor.

I don't understand it, but I appreciate
it.

Marcus, I'm sorry for being overly
critical.

But I know the choices that worked in my
life.

It's all I have to go on.

I just wanted what was best for you.

Yeah, well, of course. That's what every
parent struggles so hard for. Mother,

how did you struggle as a parent?

I've given you a perfect example of what
to avoid, haven't I?

True.