Original subtitles

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now just pat the bed.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to say, I've got to relearn the basics.

I never learned anyway. When will I find someone who understands?

When will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was thought of the longest day.

It was a rude...

for grad school, you know? Oh, of course. Of course. I mean, I'd still be

off medical school if I hadn't gotten married.

You went to medical school and got married? Mm -hmm. And my husband, Brad,

in the music business, manages Sting. Wow.

Sting. Mm -hmm.

So look at you, you lucky guy.

Oh, him.

Hey, Haley, can you come in the back with me, help me polish up the silver?

honey, you and your fresh talk.

You just have to wait until I get home for that.

What?

I was just telling my good friend from college, Gina, all about you. Gina, this

is my husband, Dave.

So nice to meet you, Dave.

Nice to meet you, Gina.

This is only one of the restaurants that Dave owns.

Oh, it's lovely.

Where are the others?

Well, there's our downtown location, and then, of course, there is the one in

Santa Monica. Santa Monica, where? I'm there all the time.

Oh, not that Santa Monica. The one in Spain.

Oh. I'd love to meet your husband. Is he with you?

No, no, not right now. But why don't the four of us have dinner tomorrow?

Great. Oh, terrific.

Oh, bye.

So nice to meet you. Oh, goodbye.

Bye. Thank you.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.

What the fuck was that?

I'm sorry, Dave.

It's just that Gina competed with me for...

everything in college, and I couldn't stand there and listen to her talk about

being a doctor and a rich husband, and then admit that I'm an unmarried

harvesting an embryo for a gay couple.

But you've got nothing to be ashamed of. You don't understand.

Yes, I do. I do understand. I was a drunk for eight years. Everybody I went

college with is further along in life than I am. I mean, except for the

The point is, you can't let competition like that drive you crazy.

Obviously, I have.

Please be my husband, Dave. Just this one dinner will mean so much to me.

I can't let her see who I really am.

Okay. Thank you. I will.

I'm going to tell you something, though. All right? Living a lie, it's a lot

like being an overly flexible nymphomaniac.

It's only a matter of time before you fuck yourself.

That's no way to talk to your wife.

Now, listen.

They were supposed to deliver this lamb like six hours ago, okay? When it

finally gets here, I want you to smell it and make sure it hasn't gone bad.

Smell the lamb. Right.

That's our entire food inspection procedure?

We smell it?

You're not the only one smelling it, man. Juan's got to sniff it, too. Oh,

that sounds foolproof. Okay, so after we sniff the meat, then what? Okay, the

dishwasher isn't working. You're going to have to pitch in with them. It's

broken? No, it's deported.

Ah, so our hiring procedures are as impeccable as our food inspection.

I sniff everyone I hire.

Thanks for covering for me. Thank you. Hey, I got it.

Meat's here.

Smells good to me. Should I sign?

No, I'll be right in to sniff it myself.

Another chardonnay. Thank you.

Hope you're not going to lecture me.

I didn't say anything.

You didn't have to because there's an air of disapproval around you.

I have to control the air.

Look, Mother, I'm not happy that you're drinking again, but I want to spend time

with you, and I'm not going to say anything because I know it's useless.

That's the spirit.

Speaking of which, cheers.

Cheers to your health, which would be greatly improved if you... Shut up.

Isn't this fun?

We should do it more often.

Well, we still can.

Why didn't we go to Spargo's?

There's no one here even worth ignoring.

Far from you.

Well, at least I'm good for something.

Hey, ladies.

Oh, hello, Marvin.

Marcus. Didn't I say that? Uh, no, Mommy, you didn't. Well, who's Marvin?

I know, I know, Marvin.

Oh, it'll come to me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Tell you? I can barely

listen to you.

Marvin, Marvin.

Billy, I was wondering if I could borrow your nose for a minute to smelt the

meat.

Don't you want to pull a fight? Ask one of me, mister. I know what you're

talking about.

Believe you me, I've smelt plenty of meat in my day.

Well, maybe mom should come with us. Oh, leave them away.

Would you please tell my mother that there really is some questionable meat

there? Well, there really is some... Oh, shit. It's my dad.

Your father?

Dad, what are you doing here?

I'm being supportive.

By visiting my son and his new business venture. Though I...

Don't see him, and he never calls.

Well, he's been busy with his successful restaurant, which he'd like to tell you

about. But maybe some other time, some other place. What's wrong with now?

We're right here.

Well, this place sucks.

But this is your place.

Yeah, God, no.

Hi. Hey, you.

I'm Billy.

Yeah, Billy is a colleague of mine at the magazine.

Billy, this is my father, Joseph Adams.

It's a pleasure.

So, what do you do at the magazine?

Oh, she works in editorial.

Oh, I'm forming some opinions right now, as a matter of fact. Yeah.

You know what?

Why don't we just eat here?

But you said it sucked.

No, I was being modest.

You go on inside.

Get a table. I'll be right in. Billy and I have a little business to discuss.

Yes, I'm doing an article on awkward social situations.

Could Nancy meet us here?

Yeah, Marcus, could Nancy meet us here? Because, you know, that would make my

article so much more interesting.

No, no, she's got a headache.

What a coincidence.

So do I.

I'll get us a table.

Cool. Nice meeting you. Nice meeting you.

Hey, I'm going to make it up to you. No, I do. I'm going to see your back rubs.

I see a trip to Palm Springs.

I see... A big pile of bullshit and a giant shovel.

Listen, I'm going to explain this to you. Oh, I got it.

I haven't told my dad that Nancy and I are getting divorced yet. Really?

Yeah, you know, I picked that up when he asked if your wife would be joining

you. I don't want to hear his bullshit.

All my life I've heard it, and nothing's been good enough for this guy.

When I was starting quarterback, I wasn't all state.

When I graduated third in my class, I wasn't valedictorian.

Come on.

I mean, is he really that hard?

If I was Jesus Christ, he'd say, what, three days arise?

What are you, lazy?

Would you like a drink?

I've had several.

You see, I've got a sort of an in here because my daughter has slept with both

the owners.

My son is one of the owners. From what I hear, he's very talented if you get my

hidden meaning.

Oh, how I wish I didn't.

What brings you to my table in your obviously inebriated condition?

My legs.

Aren't they lovely?

Why don't you walk away on them and I'll let you know?

How will you let me know if I'll be gone?

By nodding approvingly as you leave the premises.

There's no way to speak to a future in -law.

No, it isn't. But all of my children are happily married, so there's no threat

of that.

So it's not about me?

Hell no.

It's not that you're not good enough. It's that I've never been good enough.

Yes, you are.

I mean, you are the best damn co -worker that I've ever...

co -worked with.

Is he going to back me up?

Tell me the name of my column.

What are you talking about? Your son is dating my daughter.

Excuse me?

They're probably having a quickie on the patio, even as we speak.

Shit. Oh, shit. I got something I gotta do.

What? Fake my own ass.

Marcus. Too late. Hey, Dad.

I'll be right behind you. Don't touch me, okay?

Hey, I see you met the lovely Miss Frank. I've had the pleasure, yeah.

We've just been having a very interesting conversation.

Speak for yourself.

Marcus, was there something you wanted to tell me?

Wanted to?

No. Billy, tell that man that you and Marcus are dating.

So it's true, then?

Yeah.

Does your wife know?

You never tell the wife.

Dad, Nancy and I are getting divorced.

I'm sorry, I should have told you sooner. I didn't plan for you to... Find

that way. Really, Marcus?

What way did you plan?

A full -page ad in the Times? A billboard?

Perhaps you were going to have the church choir sing a hymn during services

Sunday. One entitled, Joseph's son is shaming the family.

Because it's the only way I could feel any more humiliated and disappointed

I do right now.

I was going to tell you when everything was final, but it doesn't surprise me

that you react like this anyway.

Ah, so it is.

my fault no it's my fault you know why because everything is my fault no not

everything darling but this is definitely your fault mom please don't

him all right fine it's your fault then does that make you feel better wait up

another drink i think you've had enough i don't care what you think you don't

care what anybody thinks no i don't mother you're making this It's not my

if your boyfriend is ashamed of you. I'm not ashamed of her. Well, yes, you are.

Otherwise, you would have told him. My son would not date a woman he was

of. Well, he's certainly not proud of her. Madam, at this juncture, I believe

it's entirely possible that he did not want me to meet her because he was

ashamed of you.

I will not stand here and be insulted by a self -important, judgmental tyrant.

Excellent, son.

Excellent choices.

Mr. Adams, she's drunk and she has... Believe me, I would really love to be

to say that it was a pleasure meeting you, but it wasn't.

And like my son, I'm not a liar.

I was thinking we should probably think of something to tell Gina and Brad about

how we met and all that.

All right. Why don't we do that when we're there?

Listen, I'm very fast on my feet. You just follow my lead, all right?

I jotted a couple things down, so... This is like nine pages.

Wow, and it's very romantic.

We met in macrame class?

Ceramics?

Sculpting. Okay, sculpting.

You were a nude model, and I was very good with my hands. Yeah.

Where the hell are my keys?

I don't know.

But our first date was on a hot air balloon ride. Oh, that's good. Yeah, I

on one of those once with this chick named Cherry.

Let me tell you something. She blew more than hot air.

Dave. Sorry.

Let's just skip ahead to the part where you proposed to me on a Ferris wheel. On

a Ferris wheel. A Ferris wheel and a hot air balloon? What are we, like the Mile

High couple?

Don't tell me. We went bungee jumping on our honeymoon.

Mountain climbing.

Page 11.

This is insane.

I mean, real married couples don't even have this much history.

March 19th to March 26th, 1997.

Whitewater rafting. How long have you been concocting this fantasy life?

With you?

Why do you think I went into psychology?

I see.

Don't worry, I've got a great memory.

Okay, I'll read the rest on the way over.

Come on there, uh, horny bunny.

Honey bunny.

No. Well, I've got to say, I think horny bunny is cuter.

Yeah. During the uncomfortable silence on the ride home, I tried to look for

silver lining in what just happened.

I don't think you're going to find any silver.

You might find some tin. No, no, no, I found some.

I was not the one who threw the wine, and that is gross, you know? Because in

the past, if there was liquid flying through the air, it would have been

out of me, you know what I mean?

Well, you know what I mean.

Billy, I'm sorry.

There's no reason why you should be in the middle of me and my dad.

And Nancy.

No, no.

Nancy has nothing to do with this.

I think your father would beg to differ.

And I think that he would beg you to differ as well.

Ah, but guess what? I don't live my life according to what my father wants. Yes,

you do.

Up until now, you've been pretending to still be married to your wife because of

what your father wants.

No, that's not why.

I was just waiting for the right time to tell a man.

Looks like the right time found you.

Any remote chance that you wanted this to happen?

What? A big blowout in my place of business?

People acting a fool and hurling insults and whining? Why the hell would I want

that to happen?

Because now he knows and you didn't have to tell him.

And now I know that you didn't want to.

Dave, where did you and Hayley meet?

On a Ferris wheel.

No, an sculpting class.

On a Ferris wheel. It was a cultural amusement park in Europe.

Oh, God, I love Europe.

Brad and I were married at the Louvre.

Sting played at our reception.

The paparazzi were, like, wide.

How awful.

Dave and I opted for a quiet little ceremony in the Sistine Chapel.

We didn't want any publicity. You know, what with Harrison Ford being his best

man and... Wow. Hey, how do you know Harrison Ford?

I was his stunt double.

Yeah, before I became a restaurateur, I was his stunt double. Oh, really?

Which movie?

Regarding Henry.

Oh, man, Sting loves...

Regarding Henry. Yeah, he's playing at the amphitheater. You guys want to go on

Friday? Brad will get a ticket.

Great. Actually, Friday's a very busy night at the restaurant.

It's restaurants.

Couldn't you get Marcus or one of your many managers to cover for you? I could,

yes. But as you know, they're all gravely ill. Haven't you heard? It was a

-hour thing. So we can go to things.

Great.

Cool.

Thanks for giving me the address.

It's always comforting to know where one's children are living.

Yeah, well, I've been going through a lot of changes lately.

Well, that's fine. I'm getting used to surprises.

You got any more you want to tell me about?

Still working at the magazine?

Or have you become an astronaut?

Yeah, I'm an astronaut now. Would you like some tang?

Why don't you surprise me?

Okay.

You know, I probably should have told you about this whole Nancy thing. Yeah,

then... Why didn't you?

You know, I haven't always agreed on my life choices.

College, career, politics, clothing, hairstyle.

Did you get highlights?

We always agreed on how cool Nancy was, though.

Is?

She's not dead.

Or is that something else you were going to spring on me?

She's very much alive, and she's divorcing me, and...

And I lost her.

Did you two try counseling?

I tried a lot of things.

Well, obviously you didn't try hard enough.

I think I did.

And you have no idea what went on between us.

Maybe not, but I do know you.

Come on, that's what got you a job at a magazine instead of doing something

really important. I like my life. And, um, I like what I do. You like the fact

that your wife walked out on you? No, but I'm choosing to be happy with Billy.

And my problems with Nancy went a hell of a lot deeper than trying on. Come on,

Marcus. Cut the shit, man.

Your mother and I were married for over 32 years.

It wasn't always easy, but we made it work.

You can patch things up with Nancy, but you've got to make an effort.

You haven't listened to a thing I said.

You watch your tone, son. I tried living up to your expectations.

I'm not you.

Maybe I didn't take the path you wanted me to take.

But I had to make my own path, the best way I know how. You see where that got

you? Yeah, I do. I'm 36 years old, and I'm still worried about my dad's

feelings. Why can't I live my life like that anymore?

Well, maybe you can find a softer, easier father to adopt you.

Well, I don't need one.

I'm a grown man. I don't need your approval anymore.

Period.

Mom, could you please hurry up? We have to meet Marcus at 7 .30. Darling, which

color says I'm sorry best, claret or lavender?

That's a lot to ask of a pantsuit. I paid a lot for it. Come on, I want your

opinion.

The lavender, then.

Really? No, I think the claret.

Mom, this night is really important to me. I really want you and Marcus to get

along. I think it was really sweet of him to invite us after everything that

happened. What happened, darling?

The wine, the throwing of the wine on his father?

He could have done.

Oh, darling, look, I'm wearing the claret, that should say it all. Good,

you also manage to be charming?

Manage charming? Darling, I discovered charming. Charming was mildly pleasant

until I found out.

I put charming on the map.

A little lesson.

Oh, Les, all right. Yeah, I've got it.

However... No, no, no, please.

No howevers.

Have you ever considered... What?

You know, is Marcus really worth it? Darling, you know, I've been around a

times. Well, more than a few, actually.

So many times that I'm dizzy.

But if there's one thing I've learned, it's this.

When they hide you from the parents, that's bad.

Mom, Marcus had his reasons for doing that, okay? And I am not exactly perfect

either. Oh, I'll call CNN.

Hello, love. Billy isn't perfect.

When he and I first met, I was a drunk.

So what are you saying? That a man in the middle of a divorce is the best you

can do?

Hey, in the world of Billy Frank, that is progress.

He laughed at my jokes. He returned my calls. He paid for my dinner.

Isn't it amazing?

No, it's not.

He should.

You deserve all that.

And to be presented to his parents like a jewel.

Ready to go, honey bunny?

Yes, I'm ready, but I'm not going to go.

What? But Gina got us front row seats.

I thought you liked Sting. I do.

I do. I like Sting, but I like you more. The real you.

Not the eerily fictitious, macrame -ing, hot -air -ballooning you.

But I want to be that Haley.

I should be her. I can't be her without you.

You're better than her.

If you only saw that, you wouldn't have to lie. You're fantastic. You're funny.

You're refusive. You're beautiful.

If you saw you like I see you, you wouldn't lie.

If I'm so great, then why are you breaking up with me? I'm not breaking up

you, Hayley.

I'm divorcing the honey bunny.

Gina, I tried to call you about tonight. We're not going to be able to make it.

Why? What's wrong?

Nothing. It's just that my marriage is imaginary.

Oh.

Are you guys even seeing each other?

Yeah, every day at work. He's my boss.

I'm a waitress.

I've never been to the Sistine Chapel, and Dave doesn't know Harrison Ford.

Wait, are you pregnant or just fat?

I'm a surrogate mother for a gay couple.

Oh, wow. Well, that's an honor, isn't it?

I was their second choice.

Oh. But still, second, right? Yeah.

I'm kind of glad because I sort of lied, too, you know, about what Brad does.

He said he stings managers.

Right.

Only he's not.

He's a roadie, and I'm a groupie for a roadie.

You're not a doctor?

No.

I'm a cashier at Rite Aid.

In the Valley.

Gina, why did you lie to me?

Because you're ahead of me. You're pregnant, you're in love with Dave, and

work at this place.

Why'd you lie to me?

Because I'm pregnant, I'm in love with Dave, and I work in this place.

Can we still see Sting?

Yeah.

We might have to carry some instruments.

Great.

Miss Frank, you look lovely tonight.

Red is your color. It's barren.

That's what I mean.

Mom, don't let the pantsuit do all the talking.

Right. Marcus, you look wonderful tonight, as you always do.

Well, thank you, but not always. Not when I'm letting your daughter down like

did the other night.

She means the world to me.

That's sweet.

And I want to make it up to her. Then buy her mother a drink.

No, no, no. Come on.

It's only wine. It's purely medicinal.

I'd throw half of it anyway.

Little joke.

Ha, ha.

Glass of Chardonnay, darling.

Thank you.

And Marcus, is your father joining us here tonight? Well, since he wasn't

invited, I doubt it.

Then why is he here?

Daddy?

Marcus?

I was hoping that I could talk to you alone for a moment.

Well, whatever you have to say to me, you can say it for my lady and her

Sister.

Hard. Come on, it's worth a shot.

I appreciate your humor.

I don't understand it, but I appreciate it.

Marcus, I'm sorry for being overly critical.

But I know the choices that worked in my life.

It's all I have to go on.

I just wanted what was best for you.

Yeah, well, of course. That's what every parent struggles so hard for. Mother,

how did you struggle as a parent?

I've given you a perfect example of what to avoid, haven't I?

True.

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0