Original subtitles

Today, at her Norbridge home, Philippa Prescott, fiancée of Tony Barrett, the

financial consultant who went missing two days ago, owing over £4 million,

refused to comment on his disappearance.

Later, Miss Prescott issued a statement claiming she had no knowledge of Mr

Barrett's current whereabouts and was not prepared to... Are

you sure?

It's her.

Okay. Very.

Eddie, done your rewrites?

On your desk.

Colin, financial report?

Done.

Spike, join me in the station and recover for half an hour.

Running all the way, boss.

That's not my handwriting.

Spike, did you put this on my daily? That's horrible.

That is your handwriting.

Oh, yeah. I said it to Eddie to go.

They're right out of my head.

OK, everyone, back in 30 minutes.

You ever get the feeling that our relationship was completely lost in

spontaneity? Nearly. Great. Spike, Linda, have you got a moment? We need to

to you both.

Now? Yeah.

OK. You might find it a bit embarrassing.

We can reschedule. Oh, I hate that. It kills the mood.

Recognise her?

Philippa Prescott.

Ring any bells?

Philippa? Yeah, right.

Just a girl I used to go out with.

Before I met you.

Oh, and that makes it OK, does it?

We dated for a few months at the school.

So why's she in the news?

Murdered. Some guy she was engaged to disappeared with £4 million of other

people's money and most of her savings too.

Now half the press in the country are camping on a doorstep. The police

her of involvement in the fraud and she's received a record number of death

threats.

I dumped her at school.

What a life.

But it all... You can't come in, do you? Tell him we're having a friendly chat

or something.

Hi. We're just having a friendly chat. You can't come in.

Hey, right. Sure. I know how that goes because, hey, I've got lots of friends

myself. Oh, yes.

You bet. The best bunch of people money can buy.

I'd be no trouble. Colin, catch you later. We've just got a few things to

discuss, OK? Right. Sure.

Gotcha. Though maybe I should just mention my extra specially close friends

a preferential loan rate and badges.

I do have vacancies in my peer group.

We're keeping Colin in the dark?

We'll explain in a moment.

Um, Philippa was pretty hung up on you, according to Fred. Are you still in

touch? We're talking about somebody I dated at school.

Be serious.

What's on your mind?

I had an idea, and it's pretty nasty.

So appall me.

Philippa left school before we set up, right? So she's got no reason to think

that you're in newspapers now, has she?

I get the feeling we're getting to the nasty part.

They're pretty sure Philippa knows more than she's saying, and word is, she's

not so smart.

And it would be kind of a big deal for a saleswife if we could steal a march on

this story.

You're kidding, right?

So I take her out, sweet -talk her a bit, and she tells all.

Well, she might tell something. There's a chance. One that no one else has got.

It's worth a try.

And Colin?

He'll be right in there.

Offering her his personal management.

And before you know it, she's charging for interviews.

In a bikini.

I think my way's better.

The thing is, would it be a problem for you guys?

I mean, you know.

Maybe. Well, seducing her.

Yeah, but I don't want to be doing it so I can nail her.

I mean pin her down.

Look, this could be a big story for us.

All Julie's suggesting is if I can get this woman relaxed, black handle -like,

maybe, just maybe I can loosen her tongue.

We've talked it through. We decided against.

No, wait. Hang on. I'm being stupid.

Okay, forget I'm your girlfriend. I'm your editor now.

Do you seriously think you could do this?

Know what?

I think you'd pull it off.

Sorry. Sorry, got confused.

Linda!

Why not? I mean, come on. You're the chat -up expert.

So you've always told us.

Will she even want to see him again? You tell me.

Look, this is possibly the dumbest idea of all time, but when did that ever stop

us? So, how does it work? I'm going to have to be taping her, but I don't want

to be doing it wired up. We wire the table.

How? Simple.

We fix the restaurant.

Angelo's. You know Angelo. A little free advertising and he's anyone's.

So we rig up a table with a tape machine.

And you're all set for a romantic evening.

You sure you can handle this, Linda?

Spike, I trust you. And to prove it, I'm going to leave you guys to do this

without me. I promise. No interference.

Just tell me about it when it's over, OK?

Oh, and we're going to need someone to pose as a waitress.

Waitress? In a moment.

We're about ready. We'll be here soon.

Could you go back to the table? I need another fountain.

I'm not going back out there. People keep bothering me. Linda, you're a

waitress. You're supposed to serve them.

OK, OK.

It's me who ends up doing the difficult bit.

Well, you did threaten to sack the entire news team and burn their families

we didn't let you.

Right. I volunteered.

What do we need another Santa for?

Dawn, isn't she?

With you in a moment. I think we're ready to order.

We'll just have a double check.

So, Linda, how's it going?

Don't keep asking me that. You've got to treat me like any other waitress.

I did. You slapped me.

Do you want to blow my cover?

Sounds great. What do we do?

Okay, Fred, sound check.

You look very cute in that outfit.

Thank you. That's the first time you've noticed I'm dressed.

You know, I've got an idea.

Are you free Friday night?

Why? You want to go someplace?

Are you seriously asking me out?

And why is that so hard to believe?

You're ugly.

I might have a great personality.

So?

We'll leave it as a maybe.

Not bad.

Where did you put the mic?

Taped to the underside of the table. I couldn't risk it anywhere else. She'd

find it.

We've been through the menu. We are definitely ready to order.

Well, just take what you want in case you forget.

You've got a reservation for 8 o 'clock.

My name's Thompson.

Have you booked?

Yeah, I've got a reservation for 8 o 'clock.

Are you Mr Thompson?

Yeah.

You've got a reservation for 8 o 'clock.

I'm Mr. Thompson.

I'm a waitress.

You can't really do the waitress. I can't handle it if it's you.

You mean you don't want me around when you're with Philippa. I knew it.

Spike?

Philippa! Am I late?

No, I just got here too.

Just try and forget that you're my girlfriend, okay?

Hi. Hi.

Hey, he was fine.

It's okay.

I'm a waitress.

Right.

I'll show you to your table.

Oh, you're looking good.

I can't believe I'm out with you again.

Well, you came to mind.

You mean you saw me on the news programs?

You were the best story. Everyone said so.

Oh, it's good to see you.

I thought about you.

So, are you guys going to follow me or what?

I've thought about you.

Good.

Well, that's all settled then.

This way.

I guess this is a tough time for you, huh?

Yes. Actually, if you don't mind, I don't really want to talk about it.

Right. Sure.

It was very sweet of you to get in touch.

It means a lot.

Hurry up. You'll miss your table.

Okay. Lead the way.

Have I seen you before?

Oh, no, I never come here.

Except, of course, I work here.

Right.

This way.

Look, we've got somewhere nice and secluded for us.

Why? What are you going to do?

Well, eat.

Right, yes, of course.

I don't know what I was thinking of. Sorry.

I'll show you to your room. I mean bed.

Table.

Is your mind wandering at all? No, of course it isn't. My wife and I are

Well, go home. Can no one in this place control themselves?

We just want to order our meal.

Right, yes.

Obviously.

I'm going to take a guess that this is our table and leave you to it, okay?

Have you decided yet, or would you like more time?

Not a bad place.

What do you think?

It's fine, yeah.

She hates it.

You know, I'm sure I've seen that waitress somewhere before.

Probably another restaurant.

I expect she'd have to move on quite regularly.

No, not a restaurant.

Huh, Harry?

Somewhere, but not a restaurant.

Oh, listen.

I've just got to go to the jar.

Oh, actually, so do I.

What's wrong?

You're coming?

Well, presumably they've got ladies back there, too.

No, they haven't.

Well, they have, obviously, but it was filthy the last time I used it.

Not that I have used it, but... Well, I've peeked through the window a few

times. We should never have let Linda in here. She's throwing it.

You've peeked through the window of the ladies?

Of the gents, I mean.

Obviously.

Can't be seen talking.

You're killing me out there, Linda. I can't handle this. Where does she know

from? You tell me. You must know her, too.

It has to be school, but I don't remember her. Why does she remember me?

Trust me, Andy, you're hard to forget.

What's wrong?

You can't be found in the gym. It's okay, I'm a waitress.

Smythe. Shh, wait.

The lady.

Well, they've certainly cleaned this place up.

What's happening?

Where have they all gone?

The ladies.

Spike too?

Yep.

Okay, so she hates the restaurant, she's recognised Linda and she thinks Spike's

a toilet weirdo. How do you think they're doing?

Average. Well, at least we know it can't get any worse.

Hey, Colin.

Hey. Hi, Angela.

Detract him. How?

Do I make you nervous?

It's not the way it looks.

I went in the wrong one and... I know.

Waitress!

Take a seat, Colin. See you later.

Colin! Hi!

It's me, Julie.

Good to see you.

It's a trick.

What do you mean, trick?

You warned me never to say I knew you in public.

It was a joke, for goodness sake. We were having a laugh.

You took thumbs on my windpipe.

Oh, what a night.

Well, it's been great.

Don't be a stranger.

I thought I'd eat, actually.

Eat? Here.

It's a restaurant, isn't it?

Is?

Excuse me?

Hey!

Why not have dinner with me?

Waitress!

Don't look round.

Why? We're still talking. It's rude.

Well, you're strict.

Waitress! I know you can hear me.

Eye contact.

Men have cost nothing. Sorry.

So, dinner?

What's wrong?

I just wondered what would happen if I didn't finish my dinner or something.

Look, let's just have a quiet little meal by the door, OK?

You invited me for a quiet dinner and Linda's the waitress?

You're going to kill me, aren't you?

Not if you clear your plate.

Sorry, did you call?

The service in this place is an absolute disgrace.

You're not kidding. I never eat here.

Though obviously I do a bit of waitressing.

We've been watching you. First you take forever to take our order and now that

you have, you haven't been anywhere near the kitchen.

Yes, I have. I was standing right next... to it. But you haven't taken our

to the chef is what we meant. You just went to the toilets. We were watching.

Well, that's where the chef is.

In the ladies.

He's just using one of the sinks. The kitchen was getting a bit smoky. You

he's preparing food in the toilets?

Well, no. Mainly the sinks.

I don't see how we can remain in a restaurant where the bathrooms are being

to prepare food.

Well, you could use the staff toilet.

Come on, darling, we're leaving.

Sit down!

Now, you might think I'm being rude, so I'd better explain something here.

Being a waitress is a lot like running a newspaper.

Damn, it isn't.

Well, I'd better take your order to the chef, then. Sorry.

She's completely mad.

We're not leaving until I've spoken to the manager.

So why not you and me, then?

Let me be totally clear. Yeah. You sweat, you make sucking noises when you

breathe, and your body odor is even now rotting my nasal lining.

See how you excite me.

Die.

So if you don't like me, how come we're flirting, huh?

Excuse me.

Franz, what are they talking about?

You.

I don't get this.

I've told you. She's just a bit strapped for cash. You know she hardly pays

herself when the sales are down. So when her night's off... Something's going

on. Something no -one's telling me about.

Why wouldn't we tell you?

Because nobody likes me.

Oh, don't be silly. Of course they like you. Lots of people like you.

Who?

Hey, why ask me?

You OK?

It's the truth. I ended up climbing the wall, and she was seriously considering

pushing me off.

Amazing. What did you say her name was?

Jane.

Oh, girl.

You know what he's doing, don't you?

Committing suicide.

He's talking about a girlfriend, so she'll start talking about her

That's what this is all about, remember?

He likes her, Fred.

Oh, you know what you want to eat, then? Yeah.

Where's our waitress got to?

She'll be along in a moment, I expect.

You'd better get out there.

The waitress, I mean. I remember her from school.

Don't you?

I don't think so, actually.

She was a real stroppy cow.

Everybody hated her. She was just a total bitch.

Right, yeah.

Well, I didn't know her.

Well, neither did I, but everybody knew about her. She ran that school magazine

thing and was just loathed.

Oh, I'm sure she wasn't.

And you know what's really funny?

Look, tell me when we're alone, okay? We are.

Oh, yeah.

Right. Well, she was one of those academic high flyers, and now she's

as a waitress.

Sounds like something exploded in the kitchen.

You could be right.

Actually, that's funny.

I'd heard she was running a lot of the newspaper.

So, ready to order?

Linda Day, isn't it?

I think we went to the same school.

Philippa Prescott.

You obviously don't remember me. Only from the toilet graffiti.

But that was mostly in the boys.

And staff.

You know, I heard you were running a newspaper.

Obviously not.

I heard you'd been horribly disfigured in an accident.

Bad luck.

Do you think you could confine yourself to taking our order?

You are a waitress, aren't you?

Don't talk too soon.

It is possible there's a little more to my life than this restaurant.

Excuse me. We just wanted to apologise for being impatient earlier.

Your husband explained why you were so grumpy.

All right, darling. Are you sure you should be working in your condition?

Well,

congratulations to both of you. You must be thrilled.

Well, we've certainly been trying a lot.

Well, see you in a moment, then.

Keep it up, Lutz.

So, ready to take our order?

How about your mother?

Everybody's mother loves them.

She told me I was left on the doorstep.

But I was still there the next day, so she took me back in.

Well, you must have had friends when you were little.

One, yeah.

If you count as a friend.

Bullied me all the time.

Anyway, he was imaginary.

You were bullied by your imaginary friend?

When I was late with the payment.

OK, we've been sitting here for, what, ten minutes now? And you have come out

with the most self -pitying load of drivel I've ever heard. So let's start

the top.

Everyone has a best friend. Who's your best friend?

Ten minutes? Yeah.

You are.

Will you relax?

She's just loosening her up. That's what we got him here for. He's crazy about

her. Anyway, I'm doing too much of the talking here.

What about you? See?

He's practically drooling. Oh, you don't want to hear all that.

No, I do. I'm interested.

He's interested.

The man has no shame.

Linda, so what about this guy you were engaged to?

Engaged? Don't believe everything you read in the papers.

He, uh, doesn't exactly sound like a great human being.

That bit you can believe.

Do you want to talk about it?

You're kidding.

Of course I do.

You ever considered it's maybe the way you act puts people off?

I mean, don't take this wrong, but you behave like a real jerk.

Is it the right way to take that?

In the whole time I've known you, this is the first time I've heard you talking

normally. Have you ever considered how hard it is to act normal when no one

expects you to?

So what about the fraud thing? What was that about?

Why ask me? I don't know anything.

I'm interested in everything about you.

Cut it out.

Day, you're just doing a job.

All right?

It's funny, I really do feel I can talk to you.

Good.

But suddenly I don't feel like talking.

Especially not about my ex -boyfriend.

Do you?

Linda. I've got it. Your uncle. He must like you. You're always working with

him.

Julie, would you do me a favour?

Well, what exactly?

Go out with me one night.

That's all.

Nothing else. And the deal is, I've got to act normal. You've got to teach me

how to act normal.

Oh, Colin.

Are you getting nervous again?

I'm flattered I get you so jumpy.

You know what?

I don't even think I want to eat.

Shall we go?

Where?

Well, I live quite close.

So would you be embarrassed to be out with me?

Of course not.

I wouldn't tell anyone.

Well, then.

What with her?

Oh, what do you say?

Well, maybe we should get our meal first.

I'd kind of hate to get on the wrong side of that waitress.

Linda? What can she do about it?

That's a wriggler's! Come on!

We're coming.

Finally having a serious conversation with somebody.

And it starts to rain.

It does.

You did this right.

They're having trouble switching it off.

Well, we really stormed that one, huh, boss?

I'm going out on a limb here.

I may have a jealousy problem.

May have an angel problem, too.

All right, Linda.

I smoothed him over, but I'm not going to be available for the next couple of

weekends. Have we got to the stage in our relationship where I can't talk to

another woman without you trashing an expensive restaurant?

Great, isn't it?