Original subtitles

Thank you.

Excuse me, I'm waiting for someone.

Oh, well, sorry I'm late.

Actually, I'm waiting for a girl called Elizabeth Simpson.

Call me picky, but you're not what I expected.

Well, you obviously don't recognize me, do you?

What?

It's me, Elizabeth.

Hey, you got a problem with your sense of humor?

I do, yes.

But I'm hoping you'll go away shortly.

Hey, I know what it is. You're English.

It runs in the family.

I blame the parents.

James Thompson.

Catherine Hill.

Hi.

Hey, you know, we won a war against you guys once.

Who said it was over?

Look, why don't you say we meet up sometime and make peace, huh?

Maybe tonight.

Diner across the road.

I'd rather die of a protracted vomiting fit.

In fact, I probably would.

Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to wait on the other side of these doors.

You're standing rather close, and I hate it when my skin crawls.

Obviously, we'll both be attending this school for a while yet, so it really

would help in the future if you never spoke to me again.

Goodbye.

Second thoughts, I'm not busy this evening, so what the heck. 7 .30.

Dress better.

It's weird. It's horrible.

I'm not exactly loving it myself.

She talks like me, she acts like me, she even looks like me.

You think I'm crazy about that? I just don't believe it.

Well, me neither.

Spike, you and I have been an on -off item since we met, and now I discover

an exact replica of your mother. Get off it, Linda. You're not an exact replica.

Look, just cut it out, you two, okay?

Ma, please don't sit in that chair.

Don't be silly.

Why now?

Why do you have to stick your nose back in now?

I mean, it's been over a decade.

Cut it out, Spike.

Mom, you don't tell me to cut out anything, okay?

No, that was me.

All right, you want me to say it?

I left you and your father 11 years ago because I wanted a career, not a family.

That was a terrible thing to do.

But then that's me.

What's the point in all this? It's the past.

Is it?

I came here to talk about the future.

What about the future?

Let's get one thing straight first.

Spike wasn't attracted to you because you reminded him of his mother. It's

that he's exactly like his dad.

Give me a break. The man had no dress sense.

Looked through his clothes sometime.

He had checked trousers.

He had rather good dress sense at the beginning.

When we worked together on the school magazine, this entire relationship had

happened before, almost word for word, and it ended in misery and heartbreak.

I just thought it was worth mentioning, that's all.

So what you're really doing is warning your son against women like you? You'd

the same.

Spike! Sorry, out of my league, out of my depth, out of this room!

Thanks for dropping by, Mom!

I'd better get after him. No, wait!

I'm not the person you should be talking to, Linda, you know that.

So who is?

There must be someone you can take your troubles to.

Actually, no.

Well, there was a teacher once.

Mr Sullivan.

Every time I had a problem at school, I'd wait at morning break outside the

staff toilet.

I knew that's where he went to do the crossword.

He used to say he was my guardian angel.

Oh, we all need those.

For you?

Yeah.

Mr Sullivan, where are you now?

Hello, Linda.

Mr Sullivan.

Great suit. Thank you. I always feel I should be selling ice cream.

So what can I do for you? What can I do for you?

Well, you were just thinking that you wanted to speak to me, yes?

How did you know that?

Linda, as I've been trying to tell you for years now, I'm your guardian angel.

Oh.

I thought you were my English teacher.

Well, I've got to eat.

I've got a guardian angel and you're it.

Him, Linda.

Don't be indelicate with your personal pronouns.

Sorry. Remember, I'm not just a celestial messenger and spiritual

I teach grammar.

Of course, yeah.

But I've got other problems right now.

Let's see.

How did you do that?

And that?

Linda shows a marked concern about the future, amounting almost to an

She seems deeply troubled at the idea that she might not attain the success

has always envisioned for herself.

Well, that's your problem, isn't it, Linda?

The future? Is that like my celestial ledger or something?

No. It's a school report.

Oh. The future, eh?

Would you like to see some of the future, Linda?

Can you do that? What do you mean, can I do it?

I'm an angel.

Yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't mind.

Of course, some of the future events are still being worked on by our creative

team. They hate us to give away the ending.

But you can show me some of it.

You'd have to content yourself with what I choose to show you. No questions.

No arguments.

Sure. Very well, then.

We will first of all take a very quick tour of all the various futures of your

friends on the news team.

Just so that you can get some sort of impression of how you have affected

lives. Well, couldn't we just skip past all them and get straight to me?

Your ego and sense of self is vastly overdeveloped. I warned them about that

the design stage.

I'll just get some clothes on. I don't have unlimited time for this. I've got

school tomorrow.

OK. So what do we do?

We don't do anything.

I do.

Are you composed and ready?

As I'll ever be.

That's what we're going to find out.

Why do I do so many major things in my life dressed in my pyjamas?

We do have a sense of humour, you know.

So who's future do we visit first, then? You'll see.

And in a moment, we'll have our very own agony aunt taking your call. Yes, it's

Dr. Call, solving your problems again.

So if you're having a hard time, get dialing.

You're kidding me.

He's an agony aunt?

He is, of course, completely unaware that we're here.

I know, it's Fred.

No, I mean he's completely unable to either hear or see us.

I know, it's Fred.

Dr. Call. Hi.

Dr. Call here to solve all your problems and that kind of thing.

So, why don't you just phone in or whatever and... Oh, in fact, I think we

someone on the line right now.

Hello? It's Susan, Dr. Call.

Hello, Susan. Do share your problem with us.

I've got this dog.

It's the sweetest little thing. It really is.

I love it.

But my neighbours, they hate it because it digs up their front lawn and barks

all night.

They're really getting on my case to get rid of him. What do you think I should

do?

Pardon?

What should I do, Dr Call?

Oh, leave him.

Leave who?

Your husband.

I'm talking about my dog.

My neighbours want me to get rid of my dog.

I know that, Susie, I do.

Just trust me on this one. You see, the real problem here is your husband.

What you're doing here is you're refocusing your anxiety system onto

else. If you really want to solve this dog thing, you're going to have to get

rid of your husband.

Well, your boyfriend, obviously.

I mean, ditch your boyfriend.

I'm not going out with anyone at the moment.

Phone your last boyfriend and tell him that you're definitely not going back

with him, OK?

Do I have to spell everything out for you?

Sorry. No wonder you never get a date.

Right, I think it's time for one of Dr Call's therapeutic silences.

Maybe we should all just sit back and think about things for a while.

Yes.

Ever thought of recruiting him as a guardian angel?

Actually, no, but I believe the other side has expressed an interest.

What the hell is that?

That's our next stop.

Do I know this guy?

He's a friend of a friend.

What's wrong? Where's the light going?

For God's sake, close the door!

Oh, sorry.

No!

Sarah!

Sarah?

A war correspondent?

Of a particularly fearless variety, according to the record.

Have you gone out of your mind? That's full -scale fighting out there. Yeah, I

know. Did you get any of it? Sarah!

Will you marry me?

You don't love me, do you?

Tony, of course I do.

It's as if I'm already engaged to three other guys.

Two in prison camps in South America and one held hostage somewhere in Zaderit.

Of course, it could just be that they're avoiding me.

If I married you, it'd feel like I was being unfaithful to Jeremy.

And Tom.

And Phil.

And Ivan, in a way.

But at least he got blown up.

Sarah.

I've got news for you, lady reporter.

You just said yes.

Hot flash.

Fighting's died down.

I'll just get that lens cap.

No! You don't understand. I'm with the TV news team.

OK, OK, I'm coming. Just don't follow that thing.

I'm with CME News.

I've got identification.

Come where?

Oh, well. There goes number four.

She always was a bit unlucky with men.

That changes.

All four of her fiancés get released, and it turns out that Ivan survived the

explosion. So who gets her?

Well, you know how good she always was at working out the news team wrote her.

Is that all we're seeing?

The show isn't over.

But we're back. This is the newsroom. With one crucial difference.

Hitler. Julie.

She finally made it.

Yeah.

What shall I do about this motorway story?

Well, for a start, you can get out of my chair.

Sorry. Are you kidding me? Her?

Look, just tell Martin the story's good, but we're scrapping it for, I don't

know, political reasons.

Why don't we tell him it stinks?

You know the truth thing?

Martin's a lousy writer, but he won't get any better if we make him feel

I approve of that. That's my philosophy too.

Changed days round here since Linda.

What is your problem, dwarf?

He'd have been sent to whimper in a corner for about a month.

I'm glad I didn't end up as her assistant.

Yeah? Well, I see you didn't end up tall either.

As a matter of fact, this is all something I learnt from Linda.

See? The way she'd treat people, she'd just reduce them to dishrags. So I

decided when I took over, no way would I behave like that. Not exactly a giant

yourself, are you? I mean, a brilliant woman, but totally paranoid.

Absolutely. I'm going to get the rafts and graphics.

Paranoid, huh?

What are you doing?

Just a little experiment.

Tiddler's kind of greasing up for you, isn't she?

I wouldn't trust her.

Know what?

I think she's got her eye on this chair. Let's face it, she always has.

She can't hear you, Linda. I'll tell you what you should do.

Give her tomorrow off.

Then go through all her stuff. See if you can find any evidence of a takeover

bid.

She can't hear you.

Never forget who runs this newsroom.

Never forget who runs this newsroom.

Sorry? Nothing.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Yeah,

right.

By the way, did you look tired?

Why don't you take tomorrow off?

Satisfied?

Who's been doing this to me?

Look, that is classified.

Prince Fahid, the second richest man in the world.

He's been waiting here for two days now.

Who for?

Meet the richest.

Princey Bates!

You look great.

Well, I'm rich, right?

You kill me, you murder me. And how have you been, Colin?

I've made some more money.

Ah, that's wonderful.

Would you like to see some? I'd love to.

That's not all of it, obviously, but it gives you a good idea about the rest.

I don't believe this.

What?

I had this note once.

No.

I remember the serial number.

Well, you do, don't you? This note was in my first million.

I'd like you to have that note.

Oh, no. I couldn't possibly.

Fair enough.

Let's talk business.

This is obscene. How can you let stuff like this go on?

Well, the love of money is strictly the opposition's department.

I hear you're interested in buying the property. I warn you now, it's small.

Very lovely, I hear.

I believe you used to live there yourself.

Hey, I grew up in the place.

It's called Britain.

Don't like the bit at the top much.

Well, that'll grow on you. And it seems a bit wide here.

We can take it in a bit at Wales.

I understand you only recently purchased the country yourself.

It's getting so ident, flick through an atlas.

Would you like to see some aerial photographs?

I'd love to.

Have you got rid of all the inhabitants?

Yeah, they've all been given eviction notices in a rainbow.

That's fair.

Well, and after that, I'm sorry, but I'm having to play sprayed.

What else can you do?

Don't get me wrong.

I love poor people. I really do.

They are lovely, aren't they? But sometimes they have to be sprayed.

Sprayed?

Yes. Let me show you these aerial photographs.

They're really quite nice. We're having the Pennines done up in leopard skin.

It's a very lovely effect.

This is getting a bit stupid, don't you think?

Linda? Well, this is a dream, isn't it? I'm dreaming.

Are you?

Linda!

What's that?

What was what?

You didn't hear it.

Linda!

not, I want to see what happens to Spike and me now, before I wake up.

Very well, then.

Linda!

Linda!

You idiot.

Well, it was some dream.

It certainly was.

And if you hadn't barred it in and woken me up, I'd have... You'd have what?

Had some dumb dream about us in the future?

And what would that have proven?

Be something to go on.

What a dream.

What is it with you, Linda?

You need some kind of binding guarantee that we'll definitely be together.

Why don't you ask me why I came back here tonight?

Because you'll probably tell me.

We've got to get this sorted out, Linda.

One way or the other.

Apart or together.

I don't know.

Well, of course you don't know. Nobody knows.

Nobody knows that Sarah's going to be a war correspondent, a frazz, a DJ.

An agony aunt.

And I'm pretty certain that Colin won't end up selling Britain.

Nobody gets the glimpse of the future, Linda.

Strictly dream material.

Except for us.

Your mum and dad.

Exactly the same people.

Similar, not the same.

You know, you only ever said that you loved me once and really meant it.

It's when you thought I was going back to the States permanently.

It did seem like a good time to make a commitment.

Either we stop playing games and admit we love each other, or we get out of

other's faces forever.

Deal?

I love you.

Well, if you could get back to me on that sometime between here and the door,

would be really good.

Linda, this is never going to work out if you keep hedging your bets.

Speak now or never see me again.

I'm halfway, Linda.

Halfway?

I'm at the door.

Door. I mean it, Linda.

This time when I go, I'm gone for good.

Good.

Yeah, well, goodbye forever and all that.

Why do I get everything in my whole stupid life wrong?

A rather more immediate glimpse of the future than I've afforded you up until

now. But I think pertinent.

You mean... That's right.

None of that has happened.

Yet.

I'm afraid, Linda Day, you're still dreaming.

I get a second shot.

For once, I get a second shot.

Got something you want to tell me?

Yeah.

Yes I do.