Original subtitles

Sarah?

Tibet Deba?

Fresh air?

I understand the traffic in town's pretty heavy.

The main party may be a little late.

Thought you'd have been with them, since you're doing the eulogy.

I take it you don't approve.

I mean, I'll be talking about a close friend of yours who I never actually

Is there anything you'd like me to keep in mind?

When I deliver the eulogy I'm in.

Timing's important.

I suppose I seem an odd choice.

I think the family sees it as a kind of official recognition of bravery.

Of course, it's a nice bit of police PR.

Concerning a case where we've made zero progress catching a killer.

Is that what you've got in mind?

I wouldn't have put it that way.

How about a case where you let a killer escape right from under your nose?

He killed a friend of yours.

Why are you protecting him?

We're not stupid, Sarah. We know when we're being lied to. He was wearing a

mask. Which concealed his height, his voice, his hair colour. We've done our

best to remember.

And no two of you have remembered the same. Why would we protect him after

he did?

That's rather my question, don't you think?

What happened in there, Sarah? What really happened?

We will find out eventually. Don't kid yourself.

Actually, we're not stupid either.

Sarah? Dear Inspector Hibbert, what follows is an account of the final

the siege at the Junior Gazette office on the 24th of April.

We hope that this fuller statement of the events leading up to the final and

tragic outcome will at last convince you that everything we have said so far,

however unlikely it may have seemed, It's been the truth.

Isn't it about time you phoned your mother?

What?

Nothing.

Just a shot in the dark.

You guys stay quiet, OK? Like I told you.

We're going to have to talk to the police out there. You don't want them

restless. I said shut it!

The police are getting through the darkroom.

There's an old boarded -up window. Why?

That door wasn't open a minute ago.

It must have been.

It might be your mother now.

Probably wants to know how long you'll be.

Tell her you're down to the last five. No talking. Or the thin blue line is

wanting a word.

Well, we're not going to answer it, okay?

We leave it.

Hey, that's a great idea.

Let's irritate a battalion of heavily armed policemen.

Mouthy, aren't you? It isn't the police.

Or the phone that's ringing you on our desk if Linda's portable.

Could be anyone.

And they're not giving up.

And that noise could really get the bugger person after a while.

Probably best to answer it, don't you think?

He answers it.

My pleasure.

And I want to hear every word.

Okay, but you'll have to stay close. This one doesn't hook up to the speaker.

Hello.

Spike, it's Billy Homer.

Billy. Hi, long time no nothing.

Uh, yeah, um, hi.

So how are you doing?

Spike, I'm completely paralysed.

What sort of a question is that?

Look, Billy, it's really great to hear from you, but now is not the time.

Look, I'll call you back this evening if I'm available.

I've got a proposition you guys might like.

That's a coincidence.

We're in the middle of an offer we can't refuse, so I'm afraid I'm going to have

to hang up. You know, I've got something here that could be really good for

where the paper's at right now.

I doubt you could imagine where we're at right now.

Oh, I don't know. I think I've got a pretty good idea.

So why don't I get this stuff off to you?

Well, look, stick it in the post. Careful. He'll be listening.

What do you mean, post?

Spike, I want you to think of this as the return of the mystery writer.

And I think you'll find what I've got for you might prove pretty useful,

considering where you're at right now. I think I'm getting the message.

See you soon, I hope. I hope so, too.

I told you to get rid of him first.

He's an old friend.

We may not talk again.

Well, here's hoping.

Yeah, if they can just get to the computer.

Hey, look, do we have to spend the whole time standing?

I mean, I don't know about anybody else, but I could do with a seat. Stay where

you are.

What, are you going to shoot me because I want to sit down?

Try me.

Once you kill someone, that's it. You've blown it for life.

You can't afford that.

Maybe I figure I've blown it anyway.

Maybe I figure I might as well kill someone.

So why are you still wearing the mask?

If you really think the game is up, why bother?

So are you going to tell us who you are and prove you don't care anymore?

Of course not.

So long as you're keeping your face a secret, you think you've still got a

chance. And so long as you think you've got a chance, you're not going to shoot

anyone.

Since you're interested, my name is Donald Cooper.

And just so you know, I really don't expect to get out of this.

Could I have Sergeant Randall, please?

It's Inspector Hibbert.

Since there is a great deal more to this matter than simply the identity of the

gunman, please at this point do nothing you may regret when you have read the

rest of this document.

Uh, look, Sergeant, I'll have to call you back.

Can I just interject at this point?

Just shut up, okay?

Fine. That's valid.

You! Back over there with the rest of them!

Move it!

Right. I don't want any more talking.

Can I just say one last thing before you completely lose it?

Shut up. No, that's not it.

I want you to listen to me for just one minute. I said shut up.

I heard you.

Now listen.

The reason you took that mask off is because you don't see any way out of

right? I'm warning you.

Well, you're wrong.

I can get you out of here as if you'd never been.

Interested? Who says I want out?

Maybe I like this.

You know, it really is about time you phoned your mother.

How would you like her never to know what happened here today?

I can give you that.

No, you can't. Try me.

Again? Can I just make a little interjection? No.

How? There is a way.

How?

If I'm going to give you back your life, Donald, first you give me mine.

The gun.

No way. The only way. You really expect me to fall for that?

I suppose it could be a trick, but I don't hear anyone making you a better

right now.

Um, excuse me. I really have to insist on input here. Back in line.

Look, I really don't believe you're appreciating the full potential of your

siege concept in the marketplace.

I think you know where I'm coming from. Get back over there. I mean it.

Look, you've got the gun, you've got the hostages, you've got the flak jacket

and the clown mask, and that's such a great look.

Look, let's face it, kid, you've got media attention headed your way. I told

to move.

Are you out of your head?

Not yet.

So, it's time for you to get tough.

Make demands, you know what I'm saying?

You want some political prisoners released?

Fine, go for it. Of course, we're non -celebrity hostages, so don't aim too

high. Maybe just one slightly political prisoner, you know, getting off a

parking fine or something like that.

What do you say, hell?

It's a start.

Will you shut up and get back over there?

OK.

What was all that about?

Hmm? What were you up to?

I just thought a little chat might be nice.

There's someone in there.

What? In the darkroom. I can hear them.

Who'd be in there?

Maybe someone was in there when you first pulled the gun. Probably they're

frightened to come out.

So why are you telling me?

I don't see why they should be safe in there while we're not.

Honestly, there's someone in there. Have a look.

No, you have a look.

Well, go on.

Hurry up.

You didn't recognise the hand writing?

It was in Block Capitals.

Oh, you did recognise it. Who is this?

Get out of the way.

Hi, Guy. How did you get in here?

I never left. I nipped in here when he told us all to get out. Thought I might

come in useful, weren't we, the clown here? Who are you calling clown?

I'll give you time to think about that, shall I?

Look, I've got a gun.

I'm serious.

Don't you think I'm serious?

I don't know. What's your staff on?

What's all that behind you?

Oh, you don't want to see that.

What is it?

No, really, you don't. Move.

All right, it's your funeral.

Smile.

Where you go, Fred?

Nobody move, okay?

One move and I'm just going to keep shooting until I hit something.

Look, I think you're so smart, right?

You think you're just smarter than anyone?

Well, I'm the one with the gun.

And I guess that makes me the smartest.

Uh, Donald, I hate to be picky, but you don't have any bullets left.

I suppose he's that.

Well, what do you know? 12 o 'clock and we've had a gun siege already.

And I had to pick today not to sleep in.

Shouldn't we be telling the police?

Let them sweat.

Besides, we might lose our exclusive interview.

So how's my chief negotiator?

You put your life on the line for us.

I know. I won't be doing that again.

Brave little guy, aren't you?

Not on my good days.

Too bad.

We don't know how badly hurt he is.

We're bringing him out.

Go on.

Feel like a man now you've shot someone.

Feels good, does it? Shut up. Can I ask a simple question?

Exactly what kind of a stone did you grow up under?

I really am warning you. Well, keep going. I know how much you enjoy it.

use it again. You know I will. It's fine.

I don't doubt it. How else is a little worm like you going to get himself

noticed? Frankly, it's not going to be charisma.

Linda. What?

I don't know what this means, but Colin says don't throw the ashtray.

You and you.

Take him out.

Look, Sarah, Fraz, Colin, if you can hear me, he didn't take his mask off. We

don't know what he looks like, OK?

Why?

Just keep in mind, negotiating position.

Get moving.

Spike? Yeah? Shut up.

No.

I owe you an apology.

I knew things were bad, but... It's about your passport.

I suppose it must have occurred to you you wouldn't be here right now if I

hadn't stolen it.

No apologies, boss.

Of course, you could have got a new one by now, so frankly, it's largely your

own fault, but sorry anyway.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry too.

What for?

I'm not engaged to Zoe.

And you let me carry on thinking.

Every time I think you are possibly not the lowest form of life imaginable, I

find myself picking you off my shoe again. You are contemptible.

I'll love it when you talk dirty.

Is a question allowed?

This can't be counting as one of the great days of your life.

So why are you doing it? I only meant to give you guys a fright.

I never wanted to.

It's out of control now.

I can't stop myself now. Do you want to stop yourself?

What do you do, Donald?

For a living, I mean. I don't do anything for a living. What about it?

Nothing, sorry.

And what's your mother going to think about all of this?

At least she'll notice me.

And be somebody.

Hello? Colin's OK.

He's in shock, but it's just a flesh wound.

Barely a scratch.

Thanks, Inspector. That's good news.

Well, you may be a somebody, but you're not a killer.

Yet.

Donald, I'm going to make you a promise.

An absolute binding promise.

If you harm no -one in this room, I'll get you out of this so that no -one ever

knows you were even here.

It's too late for that now.

Just remember I've promised.

Kenny? Yeah?

I want you to get up and walk out of here.

Don't.

Well, look, can you two maybe come to some kind of agreement on this?

He won't shoot.

Go.

Kenny, just do as I tell you.

That is the nature of our friendship.

If I get killed doing this, you're going to feel really guilty.

Why would I?

You won't be around to tell me to.

You sure about this?

Yeah.

OK, boss.

Spike?

I can't even do that right.

Hey, look, you only really need one hostage, right?

You took the words right out of my mouth. I meant to.

One hostage is all you need. It'll be easier, right?

So we get rid of her. What do you say? Say that she talks too much.

Sweet thought, but lousy reasoning.

You don't improve with age, Thompson.

Look, I'm the one you want.

It's been me all along. You don't need him.

Nowhere near, Bart.

Because if you really want to get at her, I'm the one you need.

That's right.

He's your boyfriend, isn't he?

No. I'm the closest thing she's got.

Maybe I do just need one hostage.

Maybe I just need him.

You can't.

Out. What are you going to do?

I'm going to be somebody.

Spike. See you around, boss.

Move it. Out of here.

Why are you doing this?

Like you said, you're the one I want to get.

Now get going, Linda, while you can.

Look, Spike, if you don't get out of here, I'll... I know, I know. Now get

going.

On the other hand, if you do, boys, you're about going to be in a fling for

lying about Zoe.

I'll be there, trust me.

But if I'm not... You remember what I said about you needing to lose some

from your rear view?

Yeah?

Well, do something about it, won't you?

I made you a promise.

Well, at least I got the last word.

Don't, don't look.

I thought it was you.

No, it's okay. It's all right.

What happened?

I think he found a way of stopping himself.

I could have got him out.

I had it all planned.

We, uh, we better tell him outside.

No.

What?

I can still get him out, Spike, the same way.

He's dead, Linda. He killed himself.

And he didn't harm any of us.

I made him a promise, Spike. I told him no -one need ever know.

It's too late for that.

Can you get his jacket off him? We need to hide his jacket, the mask and the

gun. What?

The killer just escaped.

He made it out the back way and somehow got past the police.

And this morning, Donald Cooper joined the Junior Gazette.

That then is one possible account of the events at the Junior Gazette office on

the 24th of April.

Here is another which we would like you to consider.

Donald Cooper, someone whom we all knew and whom we all considered a friend,

joins the Junior Gazette.

On the same day we are all held hostage by an unknown gunman.

Donald conceals himself in the darkroom for the duration, only emerging later

when it appeared that the lives of his friends Spike and Linda were in danger.

Tragically, his heroism cost him his life and his killer escaped.

It is up to you, Inspector Hibbert, whether the Coopers should be told that

their dead son did not die a hero.

And now the eulogy will be given by Detective Inspector Hibbert.

You've picked a hell of a time to tell me.

Timing's important.

We think you ought to consider who in this case would benefit from the truth.

However, since you are not only the police officer in charge of the

investigation, but you are also delivering the eulogy, yours, in all

the last word.

I'm here today to talk about a hero.