Original subtitles

Bye.

Bye now.

You haven't tried the filing cabinet.

Do you know what that woman has done to me?

Dated you, dumped you, broken your heart, sent you packing back to America,

given you a serious complex about all other women because you know deep down

you're still crazy about her and always will be.

Lucky girl.

Did I miss anything?

Yeah, she stole my damn passport.

Some guy you're nuts about stood you up, right?

How did you know?

Well, it is Saturday.

Come on.

Right. Remember the lessons we covered last year?

You never wait in all night for a call, because the guy can hear that in your

voice. And you never, ever answer on the first ring.

I can't help it. I'm all sort of tense and waiting. I just sort of pounce. I

answer the phone if the door knocks.

Yeah, well, Pratt is the same. It's just his reaction time is around a month.

Hey, Pratt, you ever going to get that thing?

It might not be for me. Well, how will you know if you don't answer it?

It's difficult, isn't it? I'll just give up as soon as it rings.

Hello, Spike Thompson, Advice Line for the Lovelorn.

I've just met someone I really like. Is it too soon to steal her passport?

You knew about that?

Spike, it's Kenny.

I guess you're looking for the bitch editor from hell, right?

Don't ever call her that. She likes it.

If she shows up, I'll bring her over.

In suitcases.

Yeah, well, I'll leave them at the door. I'm in serious need of sleep.

Listen, between the witty barbs and the furniture hurling, could you tell Linda

we've got distribution problems all over the South Side?

And tell her Lorenzo's been trying to phone her all evening and there's no

answering at the newsroom.

Lorenzo?

Just a plain and ordinary guy I wouldn't mind seeing dead.

Gotta go, Spike.

Who's Lorenzo?

Long story, mostly dull.

Enough already!

Are you expecting a call?

When David cancelled, he said he might phone about 11.

Well, it's only 5 to 10.

Well, 11 is.

Tell him to let it in. Get that sucker sweating guilt.

Right, I will.

Go for it. Straight for the throat. No mercy. Go for it, killer.

Hello, I'm fine.

What?

David?

Not David.

Wrong number, I think.

Hello?

Hello? Where's Rod?

Look, I need to speak to Rod.

I'm sorry, there's no Rod here. What number were you dialling?

Look, I don't know what number. I just know Rod's there.

So get him.

How can you not know... I'm stuck here.

Look, I could be found any minute.

Why are you stuck?

Who is this?

Who am I talking to?

Why are you stuck?

Look, what do I tell Rod?

Why are you stuck? He'll want to know.

I mean, you know Rod.

Well, I can't see.

What? Well, he had some kind of a spray stuff. He sprayed my eye.

And I can't see.

And if I'm caught, he is.

No, I'll not be up.

I'll phone you back. No, no, it's not going to be up.

Problem, Sarah?

If the phone rings again, let me answer it.

Dear diary.

It's that cute American again.

And he's searching my desk.

Does this mean he fancies me?

It's so difficult to know what to say in these situations.

One wants to be firm with him, but just a little seductive.

Find out what the hell he's doing, but maybe encourage him a little.

I need style, authority, and sex appeal.

Something of interest in my drawers?

Let's get one thing straight. I know you stole my passport, and I'm going to get

seriously, and I mean dangerously angry, if you even consider for one moment

denying it.

Fair enough. I stole your passport.

Then give it back to me. No.

Well, thank goodness that settled.

Have a look through the rainy day file.

Kerr's pulled the Coleswood folks to the story. Legal stuff, apparently, so we

need a new lead.

See what you can find in there.

Mike, baby.

I didn't know you were back from Birmingham.

America, Colin. I went home to America.

No kidding.

I thought you were from Birmingham.

Linda, were you with me?

Any point, Spike. You don't appear to be much interested in telling me the truth

these days.

What? Sarah, we need a new lead. Any ideas?

You know that spray stuff?

Like you use if you're being attacked or something.

A little aerosol.

Blinds people for a bit. Sure, why?

Sarah, I don't think you're supposed to use that if you've just been stood up.

Linda, I'm only going to say this exactly once a week. Give me the damn

passport.

I don't recall at any point in our relationship just doing what you told

Spike. The point is, the spray is defensive, right? It's used by someone

being attacked.

So someone who's had it used on them is likely to be the attacker, yeah?

I suppose.

The big question is, why is he phoning us?

Sarah, what's wrong?

Nothing, I'm just thinking.

Linda, will you damn well listen to me? Just have a look, see what you can find.

I saved your butt a couple of hours ago. I don't deserve this.

You'd better know.

I've worked out the real reason you're back in England.

Everyone.

In a moment, we're going to receive a phone call from someone who's in the

process of committing an assault and possibly a burglary.

And for some reason, he's got our phone number.

I thought that might be news to you.

This is good.

This... It's great. I mean, a crime in progress phones us.

Are we a newspaper or what?

It's nothing yet, Colin. It's just a guess.

I can just feel the sales figures when this one hits. And I know you're going

write us a real seller this time.

Really? I've got faith in you.

Number one fan over here. Trust you till the day you die.

Thank you, Colin. And put in loads of adjectives.

I love them.

This could be him, Fred.

Hello?

Where's Rod?

You missed him.

What? He wants to know where you are.

Look, Rod knows where I am. He brought me here.

Did you tell him I'm in trouble?

Or did you tell him about my eyes?

Listen, we're kind of foggy about what actually happened over there.

I told you it went wrong. He got me with a spray.

You still can't see?

Well, not well enough.

And I've got to be sure no one sees me coming out of here.

I mean, I really cracked that old guy in the head.

How is he?

The old guy? What state's he in?

I don't know.

Well, he's breathing, but he could get worse.

Well, so I've got to get out of here.

Tell us where you are. We'll come and get you.

Look, who's us?

Who am I talking to?

Look, tell me something. Tell me Rod's second name.

Look, I'm going to tell you the truth, okay?

Are you listening?

Shoot.

The truth is you've got a wrong number.

I don't know any Rod.

There's never been any Rod here.

Just don't hang up.

You're in trouble. Maybe we can help.

You think I'm some kind of an idiot?

What? Look, I know for a fact I've got the right number, okay?

A fact.

What, an hour ago Rod phoned this number and said it'd be over in ten minutes? I

was there.

I'm sorry, but you did get it wrong.

Is this part of the test?

What? Look, I know this is the right number. You understand me.

I know.

I just can't believe you blew it like that. I feel so let

down on a deeply personal level. Shut up, Colin.

I trusted you like family. I've always looked up to you like one of my own

mothers. Shut up. Just shut up, Sarah.

Colin, go away.

You're right.

I'm hurt and I'm vulnerable. I need to be alone.

Thanks, Linda.

What did the police say?

Well, I got a patronising lecture about hoax calls to newspapers.

They might send someone by later, but don't hold your breath.

We still need a story, Spike.

Found anything in the rainy day farm?

I don't work here anymore.

Remember?

I really did miss you, you know.

What you missed, Linda, was a good reporter.

You missed what I know, what I can do.

Basically, you just want me for my mind. You're so shallow, Linda.

We're shallow people, Spike.

It's the best of our relationship.

We never had anything to talk about.

Know what the giveaway was?

What?

Bringing Zoe to England.

You wouldn't even take your girlfriend to the corner shop in case you fancied

someone on the till. But yet here you are shelling out for a plane ticket and

introducing her to your relatives.

Why didn't I spot this sooner?

Or for that matter, why didn't you just tell me?

So, does this mean I'm not on the guest list for the engagement party?

Oh, that's what you think, is it?

Well, I'm right, aren't I?

Which is usually what you think. Well?

So what's the plan here, Linda? You get me to hang around until I fall back in

love with you?

You're not going to find that passport, you know.

In the end, I'll make you give it to me.

Determine.

That's it. That's got to be him.

Sarah, you're so great. Shut up, Colin.

Me and Sarah are always kidding around like this. Shut up, Colin.

Get this crazy newsroom banter.

Are we the guys or what?

Well, here you go.

Hello? I don't want to speak to you, I'm Rod. I keep telling you, Rod. No more

of that stuff, okay?

No more of the wrong number stuff, I know, alright?

Look, you have to believe me.

Look, I've said enough of that.

Just get me the hell out of here.

But we don't know where... Rod knows, and he's there, I know he is.

So no more rubbish, alright?

No, not alright.

As a matter of fact, not alright at all.

Strikes me I'm your lifeline.

You're stuck there and you need me, so let's do it my way, shall we?

First of all, I want to know about the man you attacked.

How is he? Still OK?

What's the matter about him?

Who cares about him? I've got to get out of here.

Fine. Phone back when you're ready to talk.

I can't believe you did that.

You'd better understand, this throws serious doubt on your future as head of

features. Let's all have a meeting about Sarah. I think you played it right.

Absolutely. Good tactics.

Well, of course, that's how I feel too, basically.

Well I'm just hurt you didn't talk it over with me first.

I mean hell Sarah we're like brothers.

How is he?

Well, he's OK.

Well, so far as I can tell.

His breathing's normal. He's just out, that's all.

So now you're going to help me?

OK.

So tell me what this test was.

You know about the test. You must.

Humour me.

Like I won in, right?

In what?

Well, of your lot.

With a gang. So Rod brought me in.

Well, he said I had to do the till, like a test, right?

I need the old guys more trouble than I thought.

So you cracked some guy on the head just to get into a gang?

That's pretty sad in its way.

It's pretty sick in fact.

I think I just overdid it. I think you did. Oh, that's right. Everybody turns

Sarah now.

On the other hand, provoking him might work.

Get him angry, he might say something.

If he phones back at all.

Never had any doubts, babe.

Look, what is the point in all this? You've proven you're a big enough creep

be with all the other creeps. Fine.

I don't know if I want to hear any more from a pointless little worm like you.

Okay?

Sarah?

Who's this?

It's David. David Banks.

David? Oh, I'm sorry. Really, I am.

Actually... I'm not sorry at all.

We had a date tonight. You didn't turn up, so you blew it. Cuff.

I don't think there's anything more to say about that, do you?

Hey, Sarah.

No second chances, David.

It's a pity, really. I quite liked you. We might even have lasted a week.

Oh, Sarah, I just want you to know that I have never been dumped that good.

Sorry, boss, but she's a killer on the phone.

Total amazement, Siddy. You mean you were dating the guy that broke into the

shop? Work it out, Colin.

What do you think, Linda? Is he going to phone again?

He must be choking after you just dumped him like that.

He doesn't really understand anything you can't express with money.

Thanks, Linda.

Yeah, he'll phone back.

You know something? I think he likes talking to you.

I'm not really following any of this, am I?

Of course you are, just a long, long way behind.

Do you a deal, Spike?

You find the passport, I'll tidy up.

You don't, you tidy up.

I'll find it, Linda.

Oh, excuse me.

Something about a hoax call?

Don't die, okay?

Don't die.

They're here. They're here.

They're here.

Look,

you know about the test. You must.

Humour me.

Look, I won in, right?

In what?

Well, of your lot.

With a gang. So Rod brought me in.

It could be him, Brad.

Go.

Hello?

Hello?

Well, hello there.

Listen, next time you phone, can you give us a signal first?

One double ring off and then phone, OK?

One double ring.

No problem.

Thing is, though, I won't be phoning you again.

You see, I really think it's time to say goodbye to the junior cadet.

Hello?

You still there?

Well, I had you going for a bit, didn't I?

Bet you had your headlines ready, didn't you?

Sorry. No such person as Rod.

Sorry I never cracked any hook on you.

And I'm really sorry about never breaking into any till, but you know how

It's been fun, hasn't it?

Well, for me anyway.

You still there?

There's nothing to say?

There's no one on the kiddie paper, anything to say?

I'm sorry, we really did think he was for real

I don't suppose he's got anywhere else to sleep.

You never quite know, Spike.

Come on, Sarah, cheer up.

You can't always build a mystery and catch a bad guy. Live a good life.

No guaranteed happy endings.

I was halfway home before I worked it out.

Remember when I asked what number you'd dialed and you said you didn't know?

I thought you were talking nonsense.

But you weren't.

It goes something like this.

Rod takes you to the shop, but before he leaves you there, he phones home.

The point is, he uses the shop phone.

Presumably he paid to or something.

Later on, everything's gone wrong and you want to talk to Rod.

But my guess is you don't even know his number.

Then you realise.

Most phones these days have got last number read on.

Even blind in the dark, you can find one button.

Is that you, Beck?

Yeah, I'm listening.

The problem was, between Rod phoning and you, the shopkeeper must have tried to

phone up.

So the wrong number was in the memory, right?

Right.

So when I heard a certain Mr Lorenzo had been trying to call us all evening, I

put two and two together.

You see, we know Mr Lorenzo quite well.

He owns a chain of newsagents on the south side.

Gives us quite a lot of distribution problems.

He's got one shop that opens late.

The one he runs himself.

The one you're in.

Pretty sure of your guess, weren't you?

Time to answer one question.

No one seems to be in a hurry here.

How did you know it was us?

Last time you phoned, I mean.

Well, I saw him try to make the call.

I just forgot later.

Kept muttering about the damn Junior Gazette.

I don't think he liked your paper much.

The late Mr. Lorenzo.

I didn't mean to kill him.

Really, I didn't.

We've got to believe that.

Do you?

Yeah.

What's your name?

Sarah.

Jack.