Original subtitles

There's some beers in the fridge and some cold meat, and I've left Chloe's

number on my desk. You're right.

I don't let Chloe stay up all night watching telly. I won't. You usually do.

I won't.

Listen, why don't you stay over?

What? At Cathy's. Why don't you stay over? You might as well.

Well, I suppose I could, but I... Look, I don't go out till 12 tomorrow anyway.

As long as you're back before then. Stay over, why not?

maybe I will probably I will have a good time you too

My dad's home.

Don't you like your dad, is that it?

Cindy, I get the feeling you're trying to tell me something here.

Your dad, does he hit you?

He never hits me.

Then why?

Don't touch me!

Your dad, does he make you do things? Bad things?

I'm right, aren't I?

Have a good day.

Is Mum home?

Morning,

Spike. Morning, Linda.

Your record review. I've made a few notes.

The kit is all over it. Cross the spike at your spelling mistake.

U after Q, always. And speaking of always, it's got one L.

Trim down the beginning, beef up the end, and get Sarah to help you with the

middle. You misspelled illiterate, too. Check your school reports.

You haven't got a cross on that one.

Here.

That's only one.

Illiterate's got two Ls.

Not the way you spell it.

Ah, yeah, well, I'm learning.

And that's learning with one L.

Spelling, do you love it or what?

Do you remember two years ago I was sick on your living room carpet? Remember

it. I'm still waiting for you to clean it up.

Why? I'm just remembering it myself.

I guess I should have expected this, really.

Expected what?

Well, that a guy like you could never really fully comprehend the kind of

relationship that Linda and I have.

Spike, don't start with me. It's a spiritual thing, really. Spike, I've

watching your relationship.

I mean, she brushes past you in the doorway and it takes you three laps

the newsroom and a quick dip in the canal before you can even start

properly. Is that spiritual?

You said it. That's spiritual.

It's sad, Thompson. It's very sad.

Yeah, but get this.

I'm in love.

Do what you must.

Are you in love with Attila the skirt?

You got it. Tell me, does she kiss with her teeth?

That's kind of a painful subject.

Spike, listen to me.

That woman is dangerous. Forget it. She'll take you to pieces.

Dangerous? Are you serious?

Just look at her.

Graham, what the hell is this supposed to be?

I told you I wanted 500 words maximum. I said I wanted facts, not theories. I'm

absolutely sick of your pathetic inability to follow the simplest and

instructions. One thing I've always wondered about you, Graham, when you

in the mornings, how do you tell?

Well, which one is Graham?

He's in hospital.

What are the visiting hours? Linda.

See? Isn't she sweet?

Why don't you take this, Spike?

They're going to need something to put your head in.

Hi, Spike.

How's the latest brunette?

Sam, she's not just my latest brunette.

I didn't mean your latest brunette. I meant hers.

How are you?

Head over heels.

Spike, where's Colin?

Hello?

Hi, did I get the right one?

No. What is it, Tiddler?

I've got some information for you. It's about Cindy Watkins. Cindy? She goes to

the same school as us. She's Norbridge High.

The old days, eh?

Remember them? We haven't seen you round the newsroom much lately.

We miss you, me old mate.

You and me, eh? The things we used to get up to. Craziness City, right? The

terrible two.

That's a good question.

Hey, sure, we're buddies, shoot.

Who's Roger?

You're not Roger. I'm Billy.

Oh, right, Roger was the one with the limp.

Easy mistake.

Let me save you some time.

You know I can hack into the school computer.

You want me to get in there and pull someone's school records for you?

Her name's Cindy Watkins. She's in the first year. I'll help you get the

on. Forget it.

What? I'm under orders from Linda.

On no account of you to be allowed anywhere near the school records.

Linda said that?

She did.

Well, I'm hurt.

Obviously, she doesn't trust me.

Look, Billy, I'm going to be straight with you.

I know how I sound. I open my mouth and it's a hustle. I can't help that.

But just this once, this is not for me. I'm not pulling something.

Yeah. This is serious. A serious situation.

As serious as it can be. And how serious is that?

What do you mean? How much do you owe and who do you owe it to?

A lizard, you say?

A lizard, yes.

Escape from the science department.

It's an experimental lizard.

Oh, well, perhaps it will find its way outside and be safe there. Well, it's

its natural habitat, Miss McGuigan.

Perhaps it will get adopted by a rabbit or something.

Well, I'm afraid we can't allow that to happen, you see. This lizard is

radioactive.

Radioactive? My grief.

Exactly. Who knows what size it may be by now.

I wish my husband was here.

Actually, I'm glad it's you, Miss McGuigan.

I don't think Miss Hesop would have believed me quite as quickly.

Well, you know you could be right.

I need to get in here.

I'll get the key.

Ah, Miss McGuigan, is Rosalie... Corin thinks there might be a radioactive

lizard in that filing cabinet.

Again?

Sir, will you please listen to me?

Write this out 500 times for tomorrow. Look, I know how it seems, but it's not

what you think.

I've got a problem, sir.

Yes, Colin.

Look, can I talk to you seriously for a moment? I very much doubt it. It's

important. Goodbye, Colin.

Why will nobody take me seriously?

Colin, don't forget your lizard neck.

Colin, I want the books. And I don't want to hear how they've been eaten by

cat, or how they were stolen by a roving band of deranged accountants, or how

the recent stock market collapse in New Guinea has rendered the figures

meaningless in a very real sense. I want the books now.

You're giving me the books?

Don't think you've fooled me for a minute. I want the real books.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Cindy.

Cindy, I just want to talk.

I want to do lunch.

Have lunch. Eat lunch.

Can I go now?

Cindy, I don't know what to say to you.

Tell me about the pink rabbit suit. The time you went to that funeral dressed as

a pink rabbit.

Cindy, I know something's happening to you. Something bad, something terrible.

And I know it's to do with your father.

The way I heard it, you just forgot you had the rabbit suit on. Your friends had

to tell you.

And I'm sure I know what it is he's doing to you.

But you'd got yourself stuck in the rabbit suit, so you had to go with it

on. But you didn't know that the guy you were supposed to be meeting had just

died, and you ran into the middle of his funeral shouting, Hi, everyone, I'm a

bunny gram.

He never hits me.

I know he doesn't, but he does other things for you, things you don't think

should be doing.

Have you still got the rabbit suit?

I have to know for sure, Cindy. You've got to tell me. Bring in your rabbit

suit. I want to see it. I need to know for sure.

I think you're asking for my help. I think you're wanting me to help you. I'm

not. Good, because I'm the wrong guy.

You've got to go and see someone else, Cindy. I'm no use.

You know what I am? I'm a pink rabbit at a funeral. I'm a radioactive lizard in

a filing cabinet.

I'm the guy who tried to market inflatable phones to the poolside

My own mother doesn't believe a word I say unless she's got three independent

witnesses and a death threat.

I'm a jerk, Cindy.

I think you're great.

The stuff you do, I think it's great.

Bring in your rabbit suit.

I was just going up these stairs.

No particular reason or anything.

Yeah, sure.

So, hi.

Hi. I was just going up these stairs.

Right. No particular reason.

You said.

Well, I think I'll go up a minute.

I was just going up these stairs.

No particular reason or anything.

Me neither.

Is that right?

What a coincidence.

Oh, it's just amazing.

Look, do you mind?

You're both really cute and everything, and if you're selling the film rights to

this little romance, I'm in. But I don't really want to listen to it at the

moment, okay?

Cindy?

Cindy, what are you doing here?

Did my wife let you in?

Cindy?

Cindy?

Sorry, I forgot.

Is your mum home?

Dad?

Is that why you're here?

We've got to go.

Cindy, no, wait.

You can stay here.

Why? What for?

What will you do?

Cindy? How could you help me, Colin?

How could someone like you ever help anyone?

Who'd ever believe a word you say?

Who'd ever take you seriously?

You know what you are?

You're useless.

Completely useless.

Useless?

Colin?

There's a girl here for you. The girl?

Cindy.

Linda. Hi.

The books you gave me were real.

I thought they were faked, but they weren't. I checked.

Over the last few days, you haven't tried to hustle once in the newsroom.

Short of you being tied up and gagged, I can't think of anything that would

normally stop you.

And today you blew up at Spike and me, and I've never seen you do that.

Of all the people I thought would notice.

I'm the last?

Of all the people I thought would care.

I'm not sure I do care.

I don't know what your problem is yet, but I do know it's serious.

And how do you know that? Because you live for what you do.

You live to hustle, right?

Yeah, so?

Well, it's like you live for your work.

Like there's nothing outside of that. No social life, nothing.

Just what you do.

And of course, there's your appalling dress sense.

What's appalling dress sense got to do with it? I'm just trying to think of

everything we've got in common.

The point I'm making is this.

I know how an obsessive behaves because I am one.

And I know how much it takes to knock an obsessive off the tracks because I've

been there.

If you remember ending up as editor a few months ago, you'll know what I'm

talking about.

Right. So whatever it is you're going through, it's got to be pretty bad,

Yeah. And I think I'm the only person who's likely to know that, which kind of

places me under an obligation, doesn't it?

I mean, us obsessives have got to stick together, right?

You really want to hear this?

No. But I think you should talk to someone, and I think I'm it.

Want to walk?

I find this kind of chat easier walking.

Me too.

Come on, then.

I really can't believe we're having this conversation.

I can't believe you're taking this sort of interest in me.

Well, if it helps, think of it this way.

You haven't sold one piece of advertising this week and our budget's

shaky. I'm just trying to get your head together before you mess up my paper.

Actually, that does help.

OK, Linda.

Bedtime story.

Well... Hello, Junior Gazette.

Oh, hi, Spike.

How did you know I was here?

Yeah, I suppose it was a pretty safe bet.

Look, can I phone you back?

Well, it's just that I'm busy at the moment.

What?

Of course you're not.

You're not Spike.

Spike, you are not my latest brunette.

I never knew you could be so paranoid.

You are disgusting.

Look, I've got to go.

No, really, I've got to go.

And you're not my latest brunette, OK?

I've had several since you.

Sorry.

That's OK.

Nice to see something normal.

This really has got to you, hasn't it?

Yeah.

So how sure are you?

Sure. That Cindy's being sexually abused by her father.

You make it sound so... Colin, are you sure?

It's just like gut certainty, you know? Like when you're selling and you hit the

right price, you just know.

But I'm not selling, and I can't really be sure.

I mean, I can't go pointing fingers, can I? I can't go accusing her dad of

anything.

What if I was wrong, thinking the damage I'd do?

If there is something going on, she's got to be the one to say.

Yeah, but she's never going to tell anyone.

Not for years. Maybe never.

But we can't just let this go on.

I know.

So somehow you've got to persuade her.

How, Linda? I'm a salesman. That's all I am, not a counsellor. Then sell her an

idea. Don't patronise me.

Sell her the idea that if something's happening, she should tell someone.

patronising me. I'm not.

Colin, I'm serious about this.

You're right. You're a salesman. You're a very good salesman. You're the best

salesman I've ever met. So sell.

Right, Linda, sure.

I'll have a few posters printed up, shall I? Oh!

How about a couple of tasteful little adverts?

Oh, I know a hoarding in the town centre we could use. How about that?

You're not thinking, Colin.

I'm not thinking.

Sorry, Linda, I've had enough of this.

How about a TV commercial?

Or some jazzy little pamphlets?

How about a brochure with four colour pictures?

Or a newspaper?

Linda, I know child abuse is important. I accept child abuse is important.

But why is it suddenly more important than anything else in the middle of this

week? Linda, we've got the guy from the NSPCC coming in at seven. Who do you

want interviewing him? You. Get as much info from him as you can. But

specifically, we want to know what happens to the child once they tell

what's going on. We've got to cover that angle. Right.

I just suddenly thought it was time we dealt with this issue. Yeah, and boy, do

you mean suddenly.

Totally clearing an addiction takes time, you know.

Do you want to guess what time I went to bed last night?

Tell me.

Not yet.

Me neither.

Give this lot to Kate. Tell her I want about 200 words.

Any particular angle?

Just tell her I want it good.

Yes, boss.

What do you think?

Why did we have to go for the next edition?

Another week couldn't have hurt that much.

This lot worked best on the run. And besides, I get a kick out of it.

What do you think of the article?

Is it serious?

The lead article's always serious.

No, it's not right.

It's not selling.

Sarah.

Sarah, I've been reading your lead. Do you mind if I make a few comments?

What? Well, do you mind?

Um, well, you don't.

Well, it's just this.

What's the article for?

What's it supposed to do?

What's your market?

Market? Look, you've got to look at it like this.

Now, somewhere out there, there's a kid who's going to be reading this paper

who's actually being assaulted, who's actually being abused. What are you

to say to them?

Look, we've all got to get it into our heads, all that stuff about what happens

afterwards, what happens once they've actually come out and said something.

That's important, that's good.

And we've got to show them that everything's going to be OK, right?

prove that life doesn't end once they've told someone.

But most important of all, we've got to get them to tell someone.

That's the sell, guys, that's the clincher.

Now, the thing is this.

These kids don't like what's happening to them. I mean, they want it stopped,

right? So why haven't they told someone already?

What's the problem?

What we're dealing with here, guys, is consumer resistance.

If you're going to make a sale, that's the thing to beat.

Consumer resistance?

Exactly. Like this. Kenny, you're the kid that's being abused. Why haven't you

told someone?

Do I do this?

Yeah.

Well, I'm ashamed. I don't want anyone to know about this.

It's dirty.

It's not you that should be ashamed. This is not your fault. It's the fault

the person who's doing it to you.

And you're not the only one it's ever been done to, and no -one's going to

you because of it.

You're not alone, you're not dirty, and it's not your fault.

Make that point.

Right, sure.

Well, note it down.

I'm sorry.

Right, what else? What else is stopping you?

I'm scared. I'm worried what my dad will do if I tell.

Once you've come and asked for help, we promise you'll be looked after.

There are people whose job it is to help you.

You've got that, Sarah?

I'm noting it down.

Who do I tell?

Someone you trust.

A teacher's a good bet. They've got the backup. A teacher or someone you trust.

And if they don't help you, you tell someone else. You keep telling until you

find the person who's going to help you.

That's important, Sarah.

I know.

I'm worried about my dad.

What? Well, maybe you still love him. I mean, he is my dad.

What's going to happen to him? Well, if your dad loves you, then he knows you

shouldn't be doing this. He knows he's harming you. And if he can't stop doing

it on his own, then he needs someone to stop him.

Got it.

So let's go for it. Remember, guys, we want the kid through the door and

talking. So let's sell, sell, sell.

Get to it.

OK, boss.

Sorry, boss.

He's actually quite intelligent, isn't he?

Mr Fay.

I just wanted to say you're an immoral, dishonest, tasteless little hustler. But

you're OK.

Which doesn't mean I don't want the financial report on time and accurate at

Thursday meeting.

Doesn't mean you're going to get it either.

At times you're kind of okay yourself.

Yeah, but I don't make a habit of it.

I know what you're trying to do, and I hate you.

Colin, where are you going?

Excuse me, sir.

Colin!

It's all right, sir.

Excuse me.

Colin!

There's no point in this, Colin. I need to talk to her.

We agreed it had to come from her. She has to say it herself.

I still need to talk to her.

Miss Denham, can you tell me what class is he walking to?

Colin, there's no point.

Ah, yes, the lizard man.

Look, can you just tell me what class she's in? Can you just tell me why Miss

McGuigan is now bringing a net to work?

Please, Miss Hesop, can you just tell me what class Cindy Watkins is in?

She's not in her class.

Can I see you both outside, please?

Cindy asked to be excused from class this morning.

She's with Miss Sanford at the moment.

The guidance teacher?

Yes. I just thought you'd like to, um, know.

So what's happening?

You've got to tell us what's happening. Is she... Has she... What's happening?

Colin, you know I can't tell you that.

But I can tell you this.

I was very impressed with your child abuse edition.

I thought it was... very effective.

Well done.

She must have... Just after she talked to me, she must have... Don't ever tell

anyone I did this.

Thanks, Colin.

Cindy, these things are important.

Frankly, this is not a good report card.

You know, when I first met you, you were a real fun guy.

Now you spend all your time bugging me about school and stuff.

Everyone else you try and hustle. Me, you nag about homework.

And I don't like some of the people you're hanging around with either. I

some of them are friends of mine.

And you still haven't shown me your rabbit suit.

I mean, how long have I been asking?

Look at this. Your marks have gone down in English.

And I'll bet you paid lots of attention in English.

You don't want to turn out like me. Yes, I do. No, you don't. Do. Don't. Show us

your rabbit suit. Shut up.