Original subtitles

...can appear in certain areas, particularly where there was...

Kenny, cut the paint to two buses and get more pollution from Sarah.

And could you get something done about the sign outside? I don't think

trespassers will be exterminated is really the image I'm trying to project

Okay, boss.

Hello?

Hey, I'm having a few problems filling out this form. You couldn't give me a

hand, could you?

What's your problem?

How many questions? They're kind of difficult, you know.

What questions?

Like, um... Name?

Well, I have a suggestion.

Get your mother to write it on the back of your hand every morning.

Well, an American. There is more than one of us, you know.

Staying long or is this a flying business? Yeah, I've been here for

Weren't you the one at the school dance who... That was disgusting.

Oh, yeah, I thought so.

Can I tell you something?

Now, this might be kind of embarrassing coming from a guy you just met and

everything, but I really think you should know.

Hello. See, this was like the olden days. You know, thousands and thousands

years ago.

I'd kill a dragon for you. I want to make one thing perfectly clear to you,

Thompson. Maybe you're taking me out. Maybe I have to go.

But just don't think you'd get to kiss me goodnight.

In fact, I'll make you an offer.

If you'll go out with me some night this week, I'll make a definite commitment

to kill for Stragnancy.

I'm a great chipper.

17 years, never dribbled.

I expect you practice a lot on your own.

Oh, absolutely.

I've got a pair of rubber lips.

I can see that.

Cute.

Can I come in?

Why don't you wait in the garden? There's a little gnome you can talk to.

Because I'd rather come in. There's a little gnome in there I could talk to.

Is that a joke about my height?

I wouldn't do so.

Come in, if you can reach the step.

Is that a joke about my height?

Of course not. You haven't got any.

Actually, I'm six foot three. I've just been standing in a hole since I was

seven. Yeah, I've often thought of you that way.

Do you want a coffee or something?

Sure.

Hey, aren't you going to ask me where I got the flowers?

Whose garden did you get them from?

It was a blind old lady. She'll never know.

You have a very thick sense of humour. You know that.

Yeah? You should have seen me trying to blindfold a guide dog.

I wonder what they're both on now.

Why do you have to be so totally sick?

Self -defense.

I didn't take them from a garden.

Sorry. I'm on edge.

Well, that's okay.

You always look very pretty when you're angry.

Mind you, I've never seen you any other way.

You probably look very angry when you're pretty. Whenever I make you nervous,

you always start cracking jokes at me.

Hey. I was cracking those jokes of myself. You were just standing in front

me. Look, can we please just stop this?

Can we for once behave like two normal people?

Hey, I can act like two normal people if you can. Stop joking!

Well, stop making me nervous.

They're lovely.

I was going to make a joke then, but I didn't. I appreciate it. It was a very

good joke. I'm sure it was.

And no, I don't want to hear it anyway.

Can I write it down?

Was that a joke?

A couple of things, Spike.

Now, this party's a big deal for me.

There's a lot of people I want to, well, impress.

Is something wrong?

I like your dress.

What about the jacket?

I like the dress.

Do you think the jacket goes?

I hope it does.

The point I'm trying to make is, if I'm talking to someone important and you

start up...

What

was the first one again?

Mr. Kerr's going to be there. Mr. Campbell, he's the owner. It's his house

going to. A lot of newspaper people.

Ah, so you're going to want to do some serious groveling, right?

I do not grovel. When have I ever groveled? The guy from The Guardian. You

all over him.

Rubbish. Linda, you laughed and smiled more times in that one conversation with

him than in the whole time that I've known you. In fact, it was twice. I do

grovel. Linda, I have to wipe your chin every time you looked at him.

You just don't understand the concept of building a career, do you, Thompson?

Hey, I've made a career out of it.

You know Kenny forced me to go to this party with you, and all I'm trying to

is that it's important to me.

Just don't get up to any crazy stuff.

When have I ever done that?

School dance.

Apart from the school dance?

Sixth year social.

Apart from the sixth year social? The fifth year social, the fourth year

Apart from those?

Sarah's birthday party, Julie's birthday party, Kevin's birthday party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The school sports day, the staff pupil social.

Uh...

I don't remember the staff people social.

That's part of the problem.

Linda, I'm not going to let you down.

You'd better not.

Just for the record, you're probably the last person in the world I'd ever let

down.

I thought you would have known that by now.

Well, shall we go in?

Don't you think this lawn is just crying out for an airport?

Driving up to the door. Now, why didn't we think of that?

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

Looks like some interesting guests, huh?

Hey, I'm going to go out on a limb here.

You got the hiccups?

Not really.

Not really.

I need to walk.

What? Coming.

Where are you going? This is it, your big moment.

Look, there's a lot of important people for you to meet in there.

The big moment.

Important people.

Social occasion.

Well, what do you know? You got a nervous hic.

It's under control.

Oh, yeah? Of course.

Good night, kids.

What's that got to do with big moments or important people?

Oh, nothing. Just thought it might make a nice social occasion.

Come on.

Relax. You'll be fine.

Relax.

Now, you okay?

I can't go in just now.

Linda. I can't go in. What?

Linda.

Listen, I'm going to be ringing that doorbell in a moment or two. Now, when I

that, could you open the door? Great, thanks. Nice working with you.

I suppose this might look pretty funny.

I'm not very good at social stuff.

No? No.

Well, if you get scared, you can stay behind me.

Let's just forget this. Let's go somewhere else.

What? This is a big deal for you, remember?

Now stop that.

Come on.

Come on, you'll be okay.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Come on.

Surprise?

Of what?

Me.

Now, you've worked that door before, haven't you? I can tell.

After you.

Why aren't you more surprised?

School dance.

Six -year social.

Sarah's birthday party.

Kevin's birthday party. Jilly's birthday party.

The end of term disco.

The midterm disco.

Starter term disco.

The disco disco.

What about them?

Well, you weren't there. I think I understand why.

Exactly. Look, I'm no good at this sort of thing. All these people.

Shall we mingle? I can't. I don't do conversation.

Anything I say comes out like an order. I say hello and people salute.

Hello.

Sophie and Laura.

What are you two doing here?

Catering. What? For our cookery project.

Mrs. Sullivan arranged it when the science department went and lended their

rabbit. Why did you want their rabbit?

For our cookery project.

That was a joke.

Oh, right. Good.

Oh, yeah. We got that.

The science department don't have a rabbit.

Not anymore.

Antonia, I know three guys in the fifth year who pay those two protection money.

Are they on the same rates as the staff?

You let those two in here where there are people?

And have you tied down everything breakable and movable?

Which is everything but those two.

Oh, be reasonable.

I mean, they've done a lot of work for this.

They've cooked a lot of stuff.

Anyone we know of?

That's enough.

There are a lot of people here tonight anxious to meet you.

Newspaper people.

That was nothing. She told me.

Well.

Anyway, Matt's over there talking to some old colleagues. Shall we join them?

Was that nothing again?

You heard it, Tom?

Excuse me, I've got... You've known Linda a lot longer

than I have.

She is mad, isn't she? Oh, yeah.

Fine. Just as long as I know.

I was just going to the toilet.

Do you want me to move the potted plant closer?

Why do you have to keep following me?

Mostly the view.

Mike, I'm going to the bathroom. You can't come with me.

No, but I can make sure it's not an excuse for you to slip up and go home.

Why would I... Could you try these, please?

Not bad.

Quite reasonable, really.

Can you taste any disinfectant on them?

Carpet fluff?

Axel grease?

Good. Told you they'd be all right.

Well, the waiter said the bathroom's at the end of the hall.

You know, usually I do this alone.

No wonder you don't make friends. I do so make friends.

Into what?

Are you going to wait there till I come out?

Absolutely. Then I can jump here if you make for the door.

As ever.

Where's Linda?

Oh, mentally speaking, she's on the third moon off Jupiter, which is

located in the bathroom at the end of the hall. Ah.

Two drinks. Found a friend.

I'm, uh, cultivating one.

Hey, that's a female.

I've heard about those.

Private says you haven't got a chance.

Spike, what have I told you about betting?

What? Never try it with me. Five are it in.

Okay.

Hey, nice car.

I've seen shorter traffic jams.

Carmen? Who?

Mr. Hafiz.

It's a very interesting proposal, Mr. Hafiz.

I think your uncle and I can do some business.

May all your camels be bountiful.

Oh, yes, indeed.

Oh, I'm sorry, is this a friend of yours? No. Yes, you'll have to excuse

gentlemen. One of his mothers wants to see him.

You'll thank me later.

Sit.

Who is this? I am Nabil Hafiz, an Arab from Arabia.

Oil fields under Norbridge High School?

I haven't got to that bit yet. No, and you're not going to. What is this?

So you saw three mighty skies.

A tablecloth with a headband around it? No, it was just a lucky guess.

It's a lovely little deal, Spike.

You won't believe what these guys will fall for.

So, uh, where'd you get the car?

My uncle. He's enormous.

And the invite?

Well, I'm a business partner, aren't I?

Colin, Linda's here tonight.

It's very important for her to make a good impression.

And it's not going to look too good if her financial advisor is running around

dressed as an Arabian knight trying to sell oil fields under the high school.

So you cut it out. Now.

Look at you, Spike.

You know, a year ago, you'd have loved this stuff.

Colin! You're a mug, Spike.

You think you can get her?

What? We're all leaving school in a few months' time.

You think you're ever going to see her again?

I mean, what's tonight about?

Her career.

She's a viable commodity, that one.

She'll take off like a rocket.

Kid, you're just helping out on the launch pad.

Women, eh?

I know what you're going through.

Heartbreak city, right?

What you need is a good little business deal to take your mind off it.

And I've got just the thing for you, Spike, and it's straight down the middle

legit.

You'd have to wear a blonde wig and a dress.

Get out. What? Get out.

I can tell you're thinking about it. Get out!

Open the act, hey?

You really can't face it?

Don't make me.

Okay. Let's go.

You mean it?

Mm -hmm.

Can't deal with it. You can't deal with it. No big deal. You won't tell anyone

about this at the newsroom.

Of course I won't.

Spike, I appreciate this.

Yeah.

Weird, isn't it?

Weird? Me and parties.

Me and people.

Don't know how to, well, socialize.

You know, when I was 14, I pretended I was ill at my own birthday party.

Kenny came up to my room and we played chess all evening.

Yeah, good old Kenny.

He won three games in a row and I threw him out.

Good old Spike.

What?

Well, you got me out of there, didn't you?

You're grateful?

Of course I'm grateful.

Oh, give me a break.

Gratitude. Now you do gratitude.

Spike. What a lousy trick. What's the matter? What are you doing?

Spike, let go of me. I'm not going to...

Yes, you are. And believe me, this is going to hurt me a lot more than it

you. You've gone off your head.

Completely. Sad, isn't it?

Caught this one trying to escape.

Dug a tunnel with a cocktail stick.

Bill, sorry to interrupt you.

Have you seen Linda?

Heard not since she arrived.

Mr. Currer, Mr. Solomon.

The editor will see you now.

Hello, Linda.

You look lovely. And it's nice to see you at last.

And you, sir.

And Spike.

Not looking such a hoodlum as normal, I see. Thank you. And you, sir.

Well, I'm glad I've managed to find you. I've been boasting about you all

evening, and it would have been very embarrassing if you hadn't made an

entrance. I'm sorry, sir. In fact, here's someone I've been boasting to.

You must be Linda Day.

This, Linda, is Robert Mayer.

Rather a big name in the newspaper business.

Oh, do you have a column I would have read?

No, he has a newspaper.

Oh, I see.

Listen, could we have a quiet word?

I've got to be going soon and I'd appreciate a chat.

A chat?

About your future.

Since Matt's been telling me all about your past.

You don't mind me stealing her away for a couple of minutes, do you? Oh, no.

He's been showing me some of your work, and I would say I find it very

interesting. Well, we have lift -off.

What? Nothing.

Don't look at me. It wasn't my heart.

Oh, dear.

Where are the car keys?

They're in the bars in the hall.

I told you not to eat the ones with the green bits in. Lucky you made it to the

bars in time.

Hey, Nabi.

Excuse me, gentlemen, but me and this little fellow go back a long way. Don't

we, Nabi?

Well... Hey, have you guys heard Nabi on the subject of his native culture?

Oh, so interesting.

I've learned so much.

Hey, Nabi, why don't you give us a little rundown now? You guys are going

love this.

Come on, Nabi.

Don't be shy.

Give us the lot.

In detail.

From the start.

Now.

No.

It's the truth.

I don't believe it.

the truth i'm telling you he said the capital of saudi arabia of saudi arabia

well home at last

why didn't we get a taxi you said you had a fiver um oh well i

had an amazing time tonight yeah so i hear everybody wants linda huh you know

how it is yeah i wouldn't I wouldn't have had an amazing time if it hadn't

for you.

You were wonderful.

Oh, well, I'm a wonderful guy.

Yeah, you are.

Well, here we are.

Yes, this is here. I remember it.

Well, I suppose we could shake hands.

What?

You're shaking.

Oh, what, me? No, I'm steady as a rock.

That's just the world moving.

Spike, I think you're getting the wrong idea about this kiss.

Oh, no, no, absolutely not. This is just a goodnight kiss, a thank you kiss

between friends, right?

I understand.

I knew you were getting the wrong idea.

Remember your name?

Well?

Spike, right?

Oh, exactly who you are.