Original subtitles

Shut up, Kenny.

Kenny,

what choice have we got? How did you know it was me?

I've delayed the print while we've got till seven.

How did you know I was here?

What's seven in the morning?

Look, it was on Radio Sherrington. They're going ahead and closing

Yeah, I know that.

So how are we supposed to print a whole edition about us saving the place when

we haven't saved it? How can we print a whole new edition by seven in the

morning? Be serious.

We did it in three hours once.

Yeah, not overnight.

Start phoning round. Get as many of the graphics team in as you can. Definitely

Sam and Ian. Linda, you can't expect people to spend all night in the

I want everyone who was on the sports centre story. We'll need them.

Linda, we're not doing this.

I don't care what they say to their parents. Just tell them to get in here.

We're not doing it.

Oh, yeah?

So why are you getting dressed?

How did you know I was getting dressed?

Thank you, Linda Day.

And here we go again.

the moment, but if you care to leave a message, I'll get back to you as soon as

I can.

Sorry to phone you so late, Mr Mayhew. This is Sarah Jackson, Junior Gazette.

We've just heard that the Wellside Community Sports Centre is closing after

and I was wondering if you could give us your opinion on that, seeing as you

seemed to think it was definitely staying open.

I'll be at the newsroom most of the night. We're trying to get a new edition

together.

Thank you.

Hey, well done on Pisces.

Oh, yeah, right.

What?

Sam, nothing yet?

Linda, I wouldn't...

Go

away, Linda.

By the way, for every hour, I work past one o 'clock and want a night off next

week, OK?

Catching up on your sleep, I expect.

Absolutely. I put a lot of work into this face. I don't want it getting all

creepy. Why not? It might give you some character.

Well, you've got enough character for both of our faces.

For both of our faces? Or just both of yours?

Get me story rough as soon as possible.

We'll do you a layout and you can work to that.

You'll get finalised copy when I've approved it and you'll work your layout

that. Whatever you say.

You took the words right out of my mouth.

She's been here a whole few weeks. She's kind of full of herself, isn't she?

Well, you did promise not to go poking your nose around her graphics room.

She's arrogant, opinionated and impossible to deal with. Who does she

is? You.

Remind me, why are we still friends?

Well, we fight about the same things.

Works for me. You took your time getting here.

Good work on Ares, Franz.

Eh?

Linda, I've been stuck on the phone. There's talk in my mouth all day.

What's in the box, Colin?

Which box is that, Kevin?

The one you got there.

Oh, no.

Fred, look at this strange box. I wonder who left it here.

You did.

Oh, yeah, I remember now.

Hey, what is it?

Nothing's in it. Why should anything be in it? Why do you have to go around

assuming that boxes have things in them all the time?

Stop overreacting.

Savvy bin.

Nice one on Gemini.

What?

Hello, Chrissie Stewart.

Linda's what?

We're using your feature on the dog pound on page two. A bit waffly, but

the right length.

I've got a lovely picture of Linda with toothache. Do you want a long one? It's

really amazing.

You said Sagittarius would have an unexpected visit from a relative.

That's just what happened. My arm came from whale.

It's getting serious.

It's kind of new material. Most of this stuff has to go.

Do you think I could fire Sam for something? Why don't we just publish a

late? You know what it does for sales. Did you promise her a night off an hour?

Yeah, I promised a lot of things, Linda. I was persuading people.

Well, I really think I should fire her for something.

Sarah.

Did you find Radio Sherrington? I did. They say, yes, welfare is closing and

anything else is just rumour. And they say that straight from the horse's

So much for our contact on the council. But, mate, you assured us.

He told us the council were about to meet and they were definitely going to

Wellside open.

That's why we went ahead with a victory edition.

Yeah, and I said you were jumping the gun.

So Mayhew was wrong.

Mayhew's on the council. How could he be wrong?

And why didn't he phone and tell us?

Have you tried phoning him? I keep getting his answering machine. Keep

There's something funny about this, Linda.

Why did you bother getting Colin in? I didn't.

I find everyone except Colin.

Look, Linda, I found this dangerous saw.

It was in one of the old storage cupboards. I'd better go and put it

safe.

And the hatchet.

And the screwdriver.

And that hammer.

Is there something going on we don't know about?

Usually.

Everyone except Colin?

Yeah. Everyone?

Yeah, why? What's wrong? What's wrong?

You idiot, what's wrong? I've got to change into something.

Into what? I don't know, something.

Why? Why?

Kenny, I'm still in my pyjamas. Well, Linda.

Pyjamas.

How did you know I was coming?

Do you wear those glasses at night?

At night time?

Somebody could have told me.

What do you want, Spike?

Oh, nothing. Just looking. Linda. Well, couldn't you look somewhere else? I'm

finding it difficult.

Nice pyjamas, Linda, but I prefer your other ones. You've never seen my other

pyjamas. He's never seen my other pyjamas. I've seen everything you wear,

I've got pictures of your clothes lying.

Hello, Junior Gazette. You're only here to make fun, aren't you? You're only

here to swan around and make a lot of stupid comments.

That was just a lucky guess.

Yeah, yeah, I appreciate that, Chrissie, but it is an emergency.

Get out. Just get out, Spike. Get out of my newsroom, and I never want to see

you again for the rest of my life ever.

Okay, fine.

Where are you going?

Uh, to a party, actually.

Well, I'm not coming.

Yeah, hang on.

Linda. The reason you're not coming, Linda, is because I'm not asking you.

always ask me.

Every time you go to a party, you ask me. Give me one reason this time why you

wouldn't ask me.

Can we go now, Clay? Yeah. Uh, Charlotte, this is Linda. Linda,

Linda, it's Chrissy, and it's important.

Charlotte's a student at the college.

Studying particle physics. Aren't you, Charlotte?

Linda's editor of the Junior Gazette. Aren't you, Linda?

Yeah. Well, I'm glad that's all cleared up.

Linda, this really is important.

Hey, do you want to see my front page?

Oh, yeah.

Jack?

I've just had five phone calls from some very angry, very worried parents

wondering what you're up to. We have to change tomorrow's edition.

Not overnight.

We have to do it overnight. It's the only time we've got.

That's not the point. Apart from anything else, you're about to have a

of mums and dads dragging your news team away.

Now listen. Okay, thanks for the warning.

That was not a warning.

Linda!

Oh, I asked this guy if he's selling.

He looks so guilty, he's sweating steam. No way, Linda.

What did they have?

parents for? Why can't they just sneak out like I did?

You can't do this. You can't lock them out.

So what are you going to tell them then? They're going to kill you. And so my

reporters didn't think of telling me. Okay, everyone, listen, please.

We've got a problem.

There's a lot of people out there who don't think we've a right to be doing

this. There's a lot of people who don't seem to think our paper's worth staying

up for.

In fact, they all seem to think we should be home in bed like good little

children.

Which is why there's a whole load of parents on their way here to drag us

tuck us in and maybe read us a bedtime story.

Well,

they're not going to get away with it. No way. I've locked the doors.

Yeah,

terrific. Turkey's cheering Christmas.

You have my guarantee no one gets in here till we're finished.

Or gets out.

We need to know.

Look, can you give us some idea?

Listen, everybody, please.

They've locked the door, they're not answering the phone, so there's not a

deal I can do. So if you could just be patient. Thank you. We're very

They've locked themselves in and won't talk to anyone.

I'll call you back.

Why, Councillor Mayhew, thank you for using my phone. Where's Mr Kerr? In

for a week. Anything you want to say to him, you can shout at me. You realise

this is an outrage?

I'd call it regrettable.

First we had that ridiculous campaign about the wellside closure.

It's regrettable, yes.

Well, I'm going to go and talk to the parents.

There are a lot of very angry people out there, Miss Stewart. Or voters, as

they're sometimes known.

Bill?

Peter.

Well, she does seem to have gone a little too far this time. Oh, Bill, too

If we can say the junior gazette, if, we're going to have to replace Linda.

Storage for page two, finalised. I've got Monday.

Monday what?

Off.

Jane. Jane, you're on Aquarius, right?

Yeah. Have you been having difficulties in your love life?

But it's supposed to be an all -night party.

Can't you keep it going till we get there? You know, pass out... Phone bill,

Spike. No private calls.

Unlock the door. I'd love to, but we don't want a place full of marauding

parents, do we?

Spike, are we going to spend all night with these kids?

Charlotte, are you sure that chair's quite comfortable enough for you? Fine,

thank you. Oh, well, maybe your face always looks like that.

How's it going?

I've written four new stories out of nothing. My brain now faces the other

Well, it'd be nice to know it's the right way round for once.

Linda, it doesn't make sense.

I've been doing some thinking. Mayhew was in charge of the working party

into Wellside. It was virtually down to him whether it closed or not.

I know. So why did he tell us it was staying open when he must have known it

wasn't? Well, obviously he didn't know.

He must have.

Well, we'll worry about it next edition. Let's just get this one out for now.

How do you feel about working late at the Junior Gazette?

Colin!

What are you doing? Kenny, I was having this terrible dream I kept hitting this

box with a hatchet.

Oh, no, it was real.

That was me I coughed. There's someone in there.

It's one of my acts.

Your acts?

Colin Matthews' theatrical management.

He was doing a show at the Churchill in front of a hundred people.

A show? What does he do?

Promise you won't laugh?

Yeah. You've got a promise?

I promise.

He's a... He's an escape artist.

Sophie Jenkins and Laura Wilmot.

Remember? The ones who were suspended for doing a painting of their art

as Joan of Arc.

What's wrong with that?

She was tied to a stake and burning.

And we did a sculpture of Miss MacDonald as Mary Queen of Scots.

Head in a basket.

And now they're doing a feature for the school magazine about the Junior

Gazette, right?

Sort of.

Linda Day, an expose.

So he comes out on stage, gets bunged into a couple of sacks, chained up and

locked into that thing.

Can you imagine it? For two hours, the audience sat and looked at a box with a

spotlight on it.

Not many people came back after the interval.

At the end, there was just these four drama students who gave it a standing

ovation and asked me to join their theatre group.

Kenny, have you any idea how humiliating it is to have to take your escape

artist home in a box?

Here we go.

Do your parents know you're here? Do yours?

We heard what was happening here tonight.

I thought I'd make a really interesting article.

Something really exciting.

Part of this or hairdressing?

Girls, it's hairdressing.

Linda.

Linda, you still haven't told me what's in the same spread.

I need to know soon before I have too many more nights off.

Okay, okay, I'm coming. You two girls find a quiet corner and keep it that

Pacing the cage, Tiger?

No, I'm just a little tired.

You know, I'm not used to being up this late without loud music and a peer

group. Peer group available?

They're not playing my song.

You seem to be taking this very well.

Ah, you was expecting one of those fight things that we do, huh?

Well, we've got all this corridor to march up and down.

True. Maybe tomorrow night. I've got a headache.

Have you been fighting with someone else?

Now, you know the main reason you like this door is to stop me going out with

Charlotte tonight.

And the main reason you brought Charlotte by the newsroom was to make me

jealous.

Don't you think she's just a bit obvious?

That was one of the first things I noticed, yeah.

But you still fancy her rotten, right?

Well, have you seen the way she looks?

I'd go out with just a dress.

Okay, here's the deal.

We both know why we're here. We both know what's going on.

So let's cut out the fancy footwork.

What I'm offering here is like a...

Free road test, you know.

One kick, Linda. One long, serious kick. And then if we like it, then we're an

item. And if we don't, then we're history.

What do you think, boss? Let's clear this thing up once and for all.

Oh, well, it was only a suggestion.

Okay.

What? I will if you will.

I believe it takes two.

Are you serious?

And you'd better be everything you're cracked up to be after everything I've

heard. Oh, yeah? What have you heard?

No bells as yet.

Before I do this, let me assure you one thing, that when I bring you around,

I'll do it real gently.

Linda, I was... We were just... I was going... Yeah, neither was I.

Oh, there it is.

For a moment, I thought that was Charlotte.

What if it had been Charlotte?

Well, if this kiss with you doesn't work out, I don't want to blow my chances

with her.

I don't believe it.

first kiss and you've got a backup in case I fail it. Which I'm sure you're

going to do.

Right.

Does this mean I don't get my kiss now?

Right. I'd rather fail my school exam, be unable to get a job, run to the

streets destitute with a bottle and be found dead of hypothermia on a

Flirt!

Outrageous. Absolutely outrageous.

He's dead.

You do realise, Miss Stewart, that after this the Junior Gazette has to go.

Bill.

I should have thought of it sooner.

Oh.

Okay, everybody, not long till your place is up. Linda.

You're a Virgo, aren't you? Yeah.

Have you been having any sleepless nights lately?

Oh, forget I have, no.

I swear it's shorter.

I go to sleep, I wake up.

And he's shorter.

Mr Sullivan, how did you... I remembered you had a back door and guessed that Mr

Kerr would have a key.

I'm out of here.

Spike!

Spike! What are you doing?

I'm going!

Where? It's ten to five in the morning, your party's over and your date's

asleep. Yeah, well, there's always tomorrow night.

You've got late duty.

Linda, if you don't want me to go out with her, why don't you just say so?

I don't want you to go out with her.

Well, I don't care. I'm going to. Well, good.

That's enough, you two.

I'm sorry, sir. It's just been one of those kind of days.

Nights, evenings, all of the above.

What you don't seem to realize, what none of you seem to realize, is that you

are in the midst of a very serious situation.

And I mean very serious.

Is there a good explanation for that?

Yes. Fine.

Councillor Mayhew is currently over in the other building talking to all of

parents and convincing them that this paper should be closed down.

Or at any rate, that this young lady should be dismissed from it.

You are in a grave situation.

And frankly, I don't see how you're going to get out of it.

I do.

I checked through the wellside file, Linda, and I was right. It doesn't make

sense.

Mayhew?

Yeah.

I suggest that we all have a sit down and listen to what Sarah's got to say.

If the editor's agreeable.

Over by your desk, then.

Does she know you're doing that?

She's going to be ever so pleased.

We're giving her straight.

Linda! I'm coming.

Look, you can't...

Want a real challenge.

And about time.

Excuse me.

Well, I'm glad you children have finally come to your senses.

A little late in the day, perhaps.

But then that can't be helped.

Mr Mayhew, that's not what we want to talk about.

Well, I hardly think it matters what you want to talk about.

Peter, I think you should just listen.

Mr Mayhew, how do you think our parents are going to react when they discover it

was your fault we spent all night in the newsroom?

What? Sarah?

I'm Sarah Jackson. We spoke on the phone.

I'm the one you told two days ago that the sports centre was staying open.

that's what I firmly believed at the time.

No, it wasn't.

If you'd believed that, you would have told somebody other than us, and you

didn't. We're the only people who ever knew that the closure was in doubt,

makes me believe that the closure never was in doubt.

Then what reason would I have had? You were annoyed and embarrassed at the

Junior Gazette campaign, so you thought you could embarrass us in return,

headlining our own victory when we hadn't won. And how could it ever get

you? All you'd done was make an honest mistake, which we were naive enough to

print. A little joke at the expense of a kiddie newspaper.

I suppose you only got worried when you heard we were staying up all night to

change the edition.

Is this true?

It's nonsense.

Unprovable nonsense.

We don't have to prove it. We just have to print it.

And as you say, there are a lot of angry people out there.

Or voters, as they're sometimes known.

Miss Stewart, you're not going to let them run this story?

If they don't run it, I will.

Actually, no one would have to run it.

If you gave us a better story to run.

Of course we haven't really saved it.

We've just delayed the decision for six months, but it looks like a victory, and

that's all that matters.

You're such an idealist, Linda. Oh, come on, Kenny.

Our parents are shut up because they think we've achieved something, and

shut up because he's terrified of our parents. It's perfect.

Yeah.

Well, I'm on a winning streak.

Well, you must be a Libra, then.

How do you know that? Well, I'm on a bit of a winning streak myself.

Yeah, but it's a bit ironic, though, isn't it? I mean, we spend all night in

newsroom making a new edition, and we end up printing the old one.

True. Just think... Spike, you missed your date for nothing.

Oh, Charlotte.

I completely forgot.

She must be still asleep in the newsroom.

Spike, they told me you were in there. You might have woken me.

Listen, I'm going home now, OK? I'll see you next week.

Interesting.

Yeah?

Listen,

has anybody in here got a mirror?

Never mind.

You had something to do with that, didn't you?

I know you do.

Linda, you nearly kissed me. You gave me a nearly kiss.

And you only nearly kissed someone you, you know... Nearly fancy?

You nearly fancy me. No.

You must have nearly fancied me last night, one inch closer.

Well, maybe last night. It was very late.

Did you say maybe there? Last night was a maybe.

Well, almost.

Maybe almost.

You maybe almost nearly fancied me.

Look, there is absolutely no way on earth I would ever even consider going

with you. But just for the record, I'll come right out and say it.

You are not the most completely repulsive guy I have ever met in my

everybody. Linda says I'm not the most completely repulsive guy she's ever met

in her life. Spike.

You're just coming after me now.