Original subtitles

Right now, a fortnight might seem like a long time.

But let me assure you that when you're studying for exams, two weeks can seem

like no time at all.

Pupils are always asking how much time they should spend studying.

The answer is all the time.

Starting now.

Cancel your social life. Forget the television.

Get yourself a place in the house where you can work undeterred.

On the day of the exam, get up early.

Make sure you bring more than one pen.

Don't forget your calculator.

Read the questions carefully.

Write on both sides of the paper.

Both sides of the paper.

Both sides of the paper.

Hi, this is Tony Nolan, own ranger, reporting to you on Radio Sheridan.

Well, today I've moseyed on down to the offices of the Junior Gazette newsroom.

Babe, I'm not getting the feel of this.

Can we try it again?

Sam. No, this is Tony.

Yeah, and this is Sam.

Sorry, I always get you mixed up with Sam.

Yeah, OK, then. Tape running.

Hi.

I always thought the phone range was life.

Until you met him.

Come on, Spike, this guy's been in really good publicity.

The guy's sort of brain dead.

If he was on a life support, he'd give away his kidneys.

What's that old lady doing these days? The one that was saving up her cat to

make a coat?

Wearing them.

Oh.

And what year was the Paul Laura mental attack passed?

1834.

Spike, parliamentary format?

Can you hum one of those singles?

Two weeks till the exam spike.

Get worried.

You know, I used to wonder why they called you laughing, Linda. And then it

me. They don't.

Are you saying I haven't got a sense of humour?

That was a joke.

Linda, quickly, he wants to interview you.

What? Tony Nolan.

Come on.

An interview on the phone?

Now, that's what I call a chat -up line.

Why can't he use a tape recorder like everyone else? Well, then he wouldn't be

called the phone ranger, would he? Well, how about the tape crusader?

And here she is.

Linda Day, editor of the Junior Gazette.

Hello, Linda.

Hello, Tony.

Tell me, Linda, how did this Junior paper first get started?

Well, it was Mr Kerr's idea, really. He kind of thought there should be

something more for the young people in the area.

Go on.

Well, anyway, he thought there should be something more for the young people

here, and so he got some of us a headmaster.

What?

I'll call you back.

Is this guy, like, important?

Believe me, this guy loves important.

Bike.

Him here?

This is usually the part where I wake up sweating.

Did you say you just walked in?

These maths formula, I can never remember them. The headmaster.

I've written them out about a hundred times. They just won't stick.

Have you tried writing them in your pencil case?

Oh, yes, that is going to help me remember them in an exam.

Will, if you remember your fence, OK?

You want us to what?

I have my reasons, Linda. They should be obvious.

Mr Winters, what you are suggesting is completely impractical.

I came here this afternoon, Linda, to meet you on your ground.

And I make a suggestion you might at least meet me halfway.

Sir, can I just ask why?

Because it's only two weeks to the exam.

The mocks, yeah.

And they're going to last another two weeks on top of that.

So? That's a conflict of interest.

How can anyone be working all out for the exams and for your paper?

Colin, over here.

I'm talking to Mr Nolan. Well, hang up.

Yeah.

Mr Winters has a problem.

He doesn't see how we can work for our exams and run the Gazette.

Are you going to cancel the exams?

I've asked Linda to close down your paper for a month.

Yesterday, the headmaster asked you to halt the paper for a month. Is that

to happen?

It's laughable. We've already spent the money we were going to make on the next

four editions anyway.

So how can we cancel it?

And can I just add that available from me personally at a very special price is

the brand new Colin Matthews exam kit containing cards.

And unless I am completely satisfied that the paper can continue without

affecting anyone's exam prospect, it comes to an end.

Well, that's what he said.

Word for word.

Well, I think we've got trouble.

I think you're right.

Sarah!

Research material on playground violence from our number one news hound, Spike.

Give me 1 ,500 words, no more.

When's this for?

Yesterday or sooner.

You should see his spelling, it's amazing.

I'll tell you the best bits, but you'll have your own favourites.

There's a lot of stuff in here.

OK, take till yesterday evening.

Yeah, of course.

Have you been sleeping OK?

Yes.

I've been counting sheep till I see the same ones come round again.

Just as long as it's the gazette you lose your sleep for.

Linda.

Are you all right?

No. Do you want to talk about it? No.

Can I help? No.

Do you know what word is being overused in this conversation?

No. That's the one.

Let me guess.

Sarah's having her exam breakdown.

Yep. Is it that time of year already?

We simply assured the headmaster that no -one would be under pressure because of

the Gazette.

We've got a roaster system on the wall over here.

It means that nobody does more than an absolute minimum.

For those of you listening in black and white, the wall charts in green.

What about the kids who feel they still can't cope with both?

No -one's being forced.

Anyone who wants to back out can.

Listen, I've got work to do.

And that was Linda Day, editor of the Junior Gazette.

Did you get all that, Sam?

Ready when you are.

Linda, do you remember asking me to tell you if you were ever being insensitive

or too demanding?

No.

Well, that's because you haven't.

But you would have if you were less insensitive and demanding.

Kenny. Look, Sarah's already wound up about her exams.

You've just wound her up tighter.

What's your point?

We need Sarah for the next four editions. We can't afford to lose her.

Kenny, I know Sarah.

She can be a bag of nerves, but she isn't a quitter.

Make a sentence out of the following four words.

I, you, told, so.

Kenny, up, shut.

You had absolutely no right to behave in the way that you did. The girl was

already going to pieces over her exams and all you can do is demand more work

from her. Sir, I didn't know.

Linda, you are supposed to be one of her friends.

And she's supposed to be one of mine. But she spoke to you, not me.

Sir.

And you assured me there would be no conflict between work for the exams and

work for the paper. There won't be, especially not for her. Now she's walked

on us.

Don't you resent that?

Every time someone quits, it means more work for the rest of us.

We've got exams too.

And just how many would need to quit before you were forced to hold the

Off the top of my head.

Off the top of my head, I couldn't say.

But it could happen.

Colin told you the financial situation.

We could stop, but we couldn't start again.

Compared with your academic success, I think that hardly matters.

The junior gazette will not get you a job. Your exams might.

Sir, are you planning to take any more action on this?

That's all now, Linda. You can go.

Sir, are you?

When I say you can go, Linda, that's an order, not an opportunity.

Yes, sir.

Rosemary, do we have a list of who in this school works on the Junior Gazette?

Hi.

I wish I could chat, Colin, but I really have got rather a lot of work to do

right now.

Even in your lunch hour, eh?

Heard Linda came down pretty hard on you.

Yeah, well, you know Linda.

Well, don't hold that against me.

Sarah, can I ask you a question?

I don't know.

You don't know whether I can ask you a question?

I don't know how I can be talking almost all my classes and still go to pieces

whenever the exams are closed.

That's what you were going to ask, isn't it?

I'd have been more tactful.

I get asked that question so often I mutter answers in my sleep.

I care about that.

I want you to know that I care about what you're going through.

And because I care so much... I'm here to show you the brand new Colin Matthews

exam kit. In that folder there, for the most reasonable price imaginable.

You get sample answers from the school's smartest brains. You get questions

spotted by kids with proven track records in exam prediction.

And I'm supposed to pay for this, am I?

Normally, I would charge a fiver. But because it's you, because you're so

to me, because I care about you, I'm not going to embarrass you by charging any

less. And do you know the sort of people who are going to go for that, Colin?

The ones who are terrified out of their wits of what their parents will say if

they fail. The ones who are desperate to pass but don't think they've got the

brains to do it on their own. And the ones like me who need all the

you can sell them.

I never knew the market would be that big.

Dear parent, it has been brought to my attention that your child is deeply

involved in the activities of the Junior Gazette.

Now, while I am, of course, entirely in favour of this kind of extracurricular

activity, I feel bound to point out that the exams are almost upon us.

This is a time when study is paramount and must take precedence over any

or pursuits, however worthy.

I have been asked to remind you that these letters are for your parents.

Make sure they reach them with the envelope still sealed.

I therefore strongly urge you to halt your child's association with the

for the duration of the exam period.

Come in.

Quite simply, this could be the difference between parting and failing.

Miss Hathorpe, it's morning break.

Can I make you a cup of tea?

Yours sincerely, Timothy Winter's headmaster.

You know something? We've got trouble.

Please check that you are sitting at the desk numbers you were assigned last

week. And do not turn over the exam paper until you are told to.

All set?

I hope you pass this exam.

I really do.

Because I'd hate to think you wrecked a paper for nothing.

I hope you realise there's a queue of people a mile long just waiting there to

speak to you again.

Quiet there, please.

That's ten o 'clock.

You may turn over your papers.

This is Radio Sherrington's phone ranger, reporting once again from the

Gazette.

Yesterday, I told you about the headmaster's letter.

Today, I'm telling you about a major crisis.

With over half their team gone, will the Junior Gazette be able to weather the

storm? Earlier, I spoke to Linda Day, editor.

We've worked out a schedule that might just get us through if we lose a few

pages from each edition.

But if anyone else walks out on us, we could really be sunk.

What if the Junior Gazette has to close?

Can it be restarted? Colin Matthews. It'll be a real struggle and we'd have a

lot of debt.

We're pretty fragile as it is already and this could knock us out of the game

completely. This is the phone ringer handing you back to the afternoon show

a junior gazette.

I hope I picked a good time. At the moment, there's no such thing.

A good time for what?

To ask you a question.

Off the record.

What's the subject?

Math? Physics?

History? I'm equally behind in all of them.

Yes, but it's really rough on you.

If that's the question, do you really need an answer?

Actually, I was going to ask you, when's the earliest date you can leave school?

Don't say anything.

I'm going to make a suggestion.

I don't want you to talk.

I want you to listen and think.

I'm on my last six months with the phone ranger, which is fine by me because

it's only a slot in someone else's programme and because I'm getting a show

my own afterwards.

A kids' news show, Linda.

Saturday morning stuff.

I'm looking for an editor.

Someone the right age with the right experience.

I just want you to know that the job's yours for the asking.

Have a think about it.

I just thought this might be a good time to mention it, when you're in the

middle of working out which is more important, your exams or your career.

New work schedule.

And Julie just phoned with Loster.

That's all of the graphics team.

What are we going to do?

Without.

Anyway, I'll leave you to it.

Kenny? Kenny, I don't see your name here.

Thanks, Kenny.

It's always nice to know you're behind me.

I just wish you were still in sight.

I'm sorry, Linda.

Quitting's becoming a bit of a habit for you, isn't it?

Hey, Kenny, wait a moment.

Linda came down pretty hard on you, didn't she?

Yeah, well, you know Linda.

You don't hold that against me.

But listen, Kenny, I want you to know that I care about this.

I care about what you're going through.

Thanks, Colin.

Hi.

I'm your new assistant editor again.

Spike no more jokes about my sense of humour.

That wasn't a joke.

So come on, what's our situation?

Upper Creek, running out of paddles, and tomorrow lunchtime I've got to go and

see the headmaster again.

Why? Because I asked to.

So what do you want to tell him?

Nothing I could repeat in front of him.

I'll settle for saying that I'm going ahead with the Gazette come what may,

that he's made it pretty damned hard.

Are you sure we should still go ahead?

Not you as well.

No, you.

Me failing my exams, that's the school event.

But for you... For me, Spike?

I don't think it's going to matter.

Oh, sorry.

Excuse me a moment.

Because it's you, because you're a friend and someone I care about, I'm

knock the price down to six quid.

All right, if I give you the money tomorrow?

I trust you, Julie, and I know you trust me.

So while I'm trusting you to give me the six quid tomorrow, you can trust me to

give you the exact gift.

Oh, hi, Linda.

Kate.

Heard Linda came down pretty hard on you.

I care about that.

Going for one more?

You want to come with me?

With my reputation around here, I can only offer you moral support.

All support gratefully accepted.

So what are you going to tell him?

How he nearly wrecked the Junior Gazette, why he hasn't succeeded, and

what I think of him.

You hold him down. I'll frisk him for weapons.

Come in.

Mr. Winters.

But you don't know what he was trying to do.

His job, Linda.

But if the cassette stops.

Not if, Linda. Not if.

We won't be able to start it again.

And whose fault would that be? Mr. Winters.

Sarah's?

Is it someone I know?

Whose job is it to plan ahead?

Who should have foreseen a conflict between studying for the exams and

for the paper?

The Prime Minister.

Bad time for a joke, right?

And what about your exams, Linda? Spike? They matter a great deal to you both.

And please don't tell me about the job offer with Radio Sherrington. I don't

think either party is quite ready for that yet.

You know.

Now listen.

Unless the paper can go ahead without affecting anyone's exam prospects, and I

don't see how it can, it stops.

And if that gives you financial problems, well, that's newspapers.

Now, you've got half your lunch hour left. Good study time.

But, Mr Kerr... I've heard enough.

Well, we really showed him.

I hate being beaten.

I just hate being beaten.

You never stood a chance.

Just next defeat from the jaws of defeat.

Hey, you two.

I expect winter's came down pretty hard on you, didn't it?

Please, Colin, I've heard all about your exam kit.

But have you heard about the new knockdown price of only seven quid? I

new knockdown price had only six.

How have you got time for all this? Shouldn't you be studying?

That's the beauty of it. I am.

I work with all the smartest brains in the school to get this exam kit

Along the way, I picked up all the lines, all the tips, all the angles. You

kid, I don't just work for exams.

I make exams work for me.

It's all a matter of combining my studying with what I do normally.

Did I say something wrong?

So what questions do you think are going to be dead, sir?

Chartists, they always come up.

No, not in 78.

That makes them a high probability, but not a dead cert. Oh, come on.

This is amazing, you know.

I'm actually studying. I might even pass something.

I wonder if they'll declare a national holiday.

I don't believe you guys. You stole my market.

Who's going to buy my exam kit now they know that the next four editions of the

Junior Gazette are going to be ten times better?

Can we quote you on that?

How are the sample answers coming?

Oh, fine, great.

I'll tell you something. It beats working on your own.

Well, I think it's an excellent idea.

Not only do they learn about their subjects, but they learn about the value

teamwork and cooperation. I'm delighted to be associated with it.

Thank you.

Well, Linda, you certainly make some spectacular methods.

But?

Who said anything about but?

Excuse me a moment. I've got someone I need to talk to.

Hi. The Gazette and exam study.

Whether you're reading it or writing it.

I think we did good.

Yeah, I think so too.

I was just going to say thanks for the immoral support.

Anytime.

Makes me almost think I shouldn't be leaving for Radio Sherrington.

You're going to Radio Sherrington?

That was a joke.

You look tired, Sarah.

It is the middle of the exams, Colin.

I care about that. I care about what you're going through.

Oh, no.

Sarah, I want to introduce you to the Colin Matthews exam recovery kit.

Forget it, Colin. Exactly.

Forget those troublesome exams.

Work your way back to a quieter time.

You're really sick, you know that? Have a read of this short booklet about rest

and relaxation techniques.

Colin. It's got a title page followed by four blank ones. There's nothing to

read. Relaxing, isn't it?

Colin! And here, an invaluable document. How to tell your parents you failed,

including a list of seven household chores you should do before you tell

No sale, Colin.

If you buy one, I'll go away.

OK, hang on.

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