All language subtitles for 50-Ma

Can you get that inky?

Back over here kicking this ladder.

Now, Lance, the media has never
commented in interviews on how big you

comment? Look, I don't think about that.
I never measured it.

I guess it's pretty good. In fact, it's
great. You know, they're all big on

screen. Well, do you enjoy your sex
scenes with co -star Linda Hands?

Well, Linda Hands is the studio's top
female star.

That's why we work together.

And do you get together off camera?

Linda and I have our own private lives,
so the only time we're together is when

we're shooting.

Well, I'm sure you have a very busy
life, and it must be draining.

Not really.

Well, that's what I've heard.

Oh.

I'll tell you what. Why don't we have
dinner tonight? Maybe we can...

continue this conversation about my
after hours reputation.

Sorry, Lance, I can't. I have all these
things. I hate to interrupt your

interview, Mr. Hardy, but literally
speaking, we do have to get this fucking

scene shot. That's if you can be up for
it.

Well,

international box office star Lance
Hardy has to get it hard.

Okay, heat him up.

Box office star, really?

We watch too many of your own movies.

Now, if your cock were as hard as your
head, maybe we could get started.

You know, you got a terrific mouth.

So I've been told.

Especially when no words come out of it.

Oh, for God's sake, Linda.

This is supposed to be a sex scene.
You're a nympho. Instead, you're acting

my wife.

Quiet on the set, everybody.

I'm sorry.

Okay, okay.

Let's just get this thing started then
so we can get this dumb scene over with.

You know he's right.

Roll sound.

Rolling.

Speed.

Speed. Mark it.

Mark it.

Action.

What did she do?

Oh, did it hurt him?

Linda bit Lance on his most precious
asset.

Okay, Phil.

There's something I want you to say to
both of them for me and Mr. Koontz.

Tell them to stop acting like prima
donnas and finish the fucking movie!

Now, if they don't do it, they'll never
start another picture together again, or

separately either.

Oh, what did she do now, Phil?

She did what?

All right, Phil, I'll get back to you.

Lance said something to provoke Linda.

So she bit his cock and walked off the
set.

Lance Hardy, boy asshole.

Harvey, somewhere out there, there's got
to be another schmuck with a pretty

face and a big putz and able to come on
cue.

And if I ever find him, I'll run Mr.
Lance Hardy's ass right out of

You know, Bernie, this asshole that
you're talking about, his last three

pictures netted us 1 .8 mil.

And that doesn't include the licensing
fees for Lance Hardy vibrators and the

Lance Hardy dildos. He's still an
asshole.

Harvey, I'm going to put out a casting
call. I'm going to get two new stars.

going to replace them both.

Just in case you've forgotten, we've
taken a couple of advances for another

Lance Hardy Linda Hand picture.

So, we'd better come up with a Hardy
Hand picture.

Hello? Hi, Ginger.

No, I really don't feel like going
shopping today.

Well, I thought I'd just, I don't know,
sit around by the pool and answer some

fan mail.

Okay, sure.

All right, bye.

Dear Miss Hand, I'm one of your many
fans.

I jerk off to all your movies.

Once the theater manager caught me and
kicked me out.

Now I go to another theater.

Could I have a picture of you, your
devoted fan?

How sweet.

It's 78 sunny degrees on a beautiful day
in Los Angeles, and you're listening to

nonstop music.

On your favorite radio station, KLOV. K
-L -O -V.

Yes?

Uh, Ms. Linda Hand?

Yes, what do you want?

Uh, I'm here with the Apex Pool Service.

I'm here to service you.

I mean the pool.

Service the pool. It's your regular day.

Where's Mr. Miranda?

Uh, he's in Europe on vacation.

The pool business must be pretty
lucrative.

Oh, well, if it's not convenient now, I
could come back at another time.

Well, you're here now. You might as well
come on in and get it done.

So, what's your name?

Cochran, ma 'am.

Who's Cochran?

No first name?

Well, they call me Bud, ma 'am.

Tell you what, I'll call you Bud if you
stop calling me ma 'am. Make me sound

like Queen Victoria.

I think I'm still too young to play that
part.

You are the Linda Hamm from the movies,
aren't you?

You've seen some of my films.

I've seen good enough to eat, and
genitals prefer blondes. Since I've been

I've been to the Pussycat Cinema a
couple of times. But back home, a group

guys and me, we go to the theater almost
every week.

It won't bother you if I lay out here
and get some sun, will it?

No, ma 'am.

I mean, no.

No, it won't.

Thank you.

Bud, why don't you come over here and
put some oil on me?

Bud?

Is this part of your usual service, Bud?

You see anybody in the water with me?

No.

What's the score?

Not the game, schmuck. What do you think
of the act?

What's the big deal? She only gets one
channel.

Turn that thing down a little, will you,
honey?

You've got an interesting act.

We'll let you know.

You've got nice tits, Toots.

We'll let you know. Thank you very much.

Next.

Thank you very much.

Send the next girl in, will you?

Next.

I can't take much more of this.

Call back that girl, Daisy.

Ah!

Buttercup? It's Daisy.

Oh, yes, yes.

Daisy.

Daisy, Mr.

Cox and I...

would like you to test for a part we've
got coming up.

We think you'd be perfect.

So why don't you come back here next
Thursday, and on your way out, you see

Dorothy, our secretary, and she'll give
you all the details.

How about that?

Okay. Can I put my clothes back on?

Oh, of course, my dear. How thoughtless
of me. How thoughtless of me.

Oh, and I wanted to thank you both.

Oh, my pleasure. My pleasure.

Thank you.

Sly dog.

Goodbye. Next Thursday.

Harvey,

Harvey.

It ain't easy.

But someone's got to do it.

Harvey, why don't you go see Mike
Taylor?

You know, you really ought to be in
pictures.

You mean in fuck films?

You certainly have a way with words.

And you want to give me another
audition?

That's exactly what I had in mind.

Awww.

Mr.

Hardy?

You spilled cum on Mr. Cox's desk.

Oh, that's too bad.

Why don't you put some on Kunze's death,
too?

Mr. Hardy, thank you.

Right in here.

Lance,

you're late again.

You know, you've got to give up this.
I'm the greatest sex machine that ever

walks stuff, you know?

We've got a screen test to do today.

I'm sorry, I'm late, okay?

I'm really sorry, I'm late.

Okay, honey, get them hard.

Huh?

You've got some approach, Phil.

Miss, honey, what's your name?

Daisy. Daisy Chaney.

Well, Daisy, didn't they explain to you
in casting what was expected of you for

this screen test?

Well, sort of, I guess.

Then you do understand that Lance Hardy
is going to insert his thus swollen

penis into your warm, moist vagina and
plunge it in and out for as long as

possible until hopefully...

You two experience the primal pleasure
of an orgasm.

But before any of this can take place,
first, he must have an erection.

And that is what we are asking of you
now.

Well, just tell me what you want me to
do.

For God's sakes, girl, didn't your
mother teach you anything?

Tickle his asshole.

Titty fuck him.

Suck his toes. Sit on his face. Work it
by hand. Do anything.

Just fucking do it.

Excuse us for a minute, okay?

Good.

Don't mind him. He's a little nervous, I
guess.

It was late, so it's really my fault.

He's really hollering at me, not
hollering at you.

This is very simple. All we have to do
is like... It's simpler than you think.

Yeah, do you have a boyfriend?

No. Well, you've had one at one time,
right? Right.

And, you know, when you made love to
him, the little things that you did,

fun. That's just about what we're going
to do here.

It's very simple.

It's not any special thing you have to
do. Just be yourself and you only need

one pussy.

And I think you love it.

I'll teach you everything you have to
know.

Did you ever suck cock before?

Yeah.

You did?

Sort of. Oh, wow.

So it's really... Very easy.

Just sort of like what you did.

Just think about that.

See?

Jeez, it's so big.

Is it really?

Yeah.

It's like sucking an ice cream cone.

Yeah, that's all right, isn't it?

I'll do it with... Yeah, that's it.

You

see,

It's fucking hard to do him.

He's going to relax.

Good. I think she's got it. Bye, George.
She's got it.

Lance Hardy is risen, and so is my
salary.

Places, everyone. Get ready for a take.

Heat them up.

Roll sound.

They are.

Tell me they are.

They are. They are what? They're
sensitive.

Beautiful I

don't

know

Thank you.

Cut. Print it. All right. Great.

Sensational. Really fucking sensational.

She's a natural, can I say.

Hi.

Hi, Ginger. Come on in.

You look great. You want a drink?

Oh, okay.

So, how's the biggest cock in Hollywood?

Your leading man.

That arrogant asshole and I will no
longer be working together.

I have found a new leading man, though.
That won't be easy, Linda. The Lance

Harding schlong is legendary.

Oh, yeah, he's a terrific lover.

Too bad he's so inconsiderate.

Could this be love?

So, did you bring your equipment?

Oh, yeah, sure. You know, I've only done
rock stars before. Who is this guy? Is

he your new boyfriend?

He's going to be a big star in the
movies.

You mean your kind of movies?

He must really be hung.

What's his name? Is he cute?

Is he circumcised?

That's him now.

Hi. Hi.

I didn't know you had a company.

Oh, Bud Cochran. This is Ginger Glover.
Hi.

You want something to drink?

Yeah, you got a beer?

Sure.

Make yourself at home.

How you doing?

Great.

He's cute, Linda.

I think I'm going to enjoy casting him.

What do you mean, cast me? She work for
your studio?

She's going to preserve you for
posterity.

I don't get it.

Well, she's going to make a plaster cast
of your cock.

No, she isn't.

Oh, it won't hurt. You'll love it.

You're a bunch of degenerates. You know
that, don't you? Yeah.

You got that right.

Let's get his pants off. All right.

Oh, come on. Hey, this is humiliating to
me. We just met.

I'm just going to cast you, not castrate
you.

Come on. Let's get these pants on.

Sick. Sick. Get in there.

Pull me some water. This is sick.

Degenerate. I got them right here. I
know.

Perverted. Have a seat.

You'll see.

What are you going to do now?

What are we going to do now? Well, let's
get his pants off and get him hard. I

can't make the casting unless he's good
and hard.

Come on now.

Look, I don't cotton to being made a
fool of, right?

No.

You're going to love this.

Come on, you want this? Help me a little
bit. You're wrong.

Here, let's get this under his ass. I
don't want to make a mess.

What, are you worried about the
furniture?

I'm not worried about a thing, honey.

Underwear, too. We can't do it through
the underwear, you know.

I sure hope you don't hurt me.

I mean, I'm a gentleman at times, man.

Oh, it's going to be excruciating.

You're going to love it.

Shit.

Jeez, I feel like I'm at the dentist.

I can never get hard now.

Well, I might get hard.

How am I going to get this off when it
hardens?

Well, you can't keep it up forever. When
you get smaller, it'll slide right off.

I think I'll use bronze so that even
when you're gone, your mighty organ will

remain as in life, always ready for
another recital.

Just give it a couple of minutes for the
plaster to harden, and we're all set.

Ginger, you know, you're a master
cockcaster.

Thank you. How am I supposed to stay
hard with this thing on?

That's a great idea.

Now watch closely, Cochran. You may
never see anything like this again.

Let's get these off.

So it's tease time, huh?

You're going to fuck your toes, Cochran.

What's your health?

Oh.

It's warm.

And wet.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, God, from what they can tell me now.

Nice foot massages, I'll tell you that.

up another batch.

I'll keep him high.

How much water do I put in?

Put in the plaster first.

About a cup.

Just eyeball it.

Then how much water?

About half a cup.

It's too tight.

I have to make him hearty.

on to the Nazi sex slave company and see
how they're doing. Nice to see you

again, Linda.

Nice seeing you, Mr. Cox.

I love him like a brother, but I sure
wish he'd see my tailor.

Bernie, darling, what this studio needs
is a big,

fresh, new cock.

attached to a nice, easygoing, and easy
-to -get -along -with young man.

And as the sun slowly sinks over the
western horizon, we say a not -so -fond

farewell to Lance Hardy.

What's his name?

Bud Cochran. Well, actually, it's
Longstreet Cochran. Some screenwriter

that up. No, it's for real.

Oh, it's too good to be true.

Okay. Have him here tomorrow morning.
We'll shoot a test.

Bernie, darling!

I know you're really going to be
impressed with him.

Ah, Linda, baby. If only I wasn't
happily married to Bertha these 28

Morning, Phil.

Ah, Linda.

One of the hundred reasons I love you so
much is you're always on time.

Oh, so tell me another 50 or 60 reasons.

Linda, my dear, if all my stars were as
easy to work with as you are, my life

would be so much better.

Thanks, Phil.

Is this the new star?

Oh, Bud.

This is Phil Parker. Now, he's directed
all of my pictures, and he's the very

best. Phil, this is Bud Cochran. How do
you do? Now, I want you to remember that

name. He's going to be very big.

Of course, he's already pretty big.

But what I mean to say is that he's
going to be well -known. Oh, and Phil, I

just want to tell you how much I
appreciate you doing Bud's screen test.

Who's he working with?

Ah, you, Miss... Come over here. I want
to introduce you.

Linda, Bud, this is... What's your name?

Daisy. Daisy Chaney.

Ah, Daisy.

This is Miss Hand.

Oh, Miss Hand, I've seen all your
pictures. You give the greatest head.

Thank you.

And this is Bud Cochran. You'll be
working with Bud today.

Ooh, he's cute.

Well, I'm going to leave the three of
you to your movie -making magic.

Marker.

Okay. Now, try not to act too nervous
now. Okay, look right in the lens.

Okay, now look at that thing. Now look
back at me.

And action.

Well, Harvey, what do you think? I say
we let him play the lead with Linda in

our next picture.

Yes, yes, please say yes.

We still have the unfinished matinee
idol to deal with.

And we've got to honor our commitments
to our distributors and deliver them a

Lance Hardy, Linda Hand film.

You mean a Linda Hand, Lance Hardy film,
don't you, Mr. Cox?

Whatever.

Okay.

I'll finish this one film with Lance
Hardy, but it's the last time I'm ever

going to work with him.

From now on, my leading man is Bud
Cochran.

Linda, Linda, we'll work something out.

I'm sorry, Harvey, I only... Bernie,
they got their brains between their

Harvey, they just don't realize the
attraction they have for one another.

Well, maybe you're right. You know, this
studio's success is attributable to

Lance and Linda together.

Well, hell, they've acted like this
towards one another ever since the

Whatever is between them sure works well
on the screen.

Don't fool with a winning combination.

Lance Harding.

I'm really glad we had a chance to get
together tonight.

You know, Doris has done some research
on what you do, your lifestyle. You

we're not squares. We understand this. I
think it's terrific.

And I know about your relationship with
your studio, Sensational International.

It's fine.

But I don't think you're really getting
the proper edge.

What I'm proposing, I think, will blow
the lid off the market and boost your

career.

Blow the lid off the market?

Tell him, Doris.

You tell him, Walter.

I'm embarrassed.

She's embarrassed.

Lance Hardy's advice to women about sex.

What? To women about sex?

Written by Lance Hardy?

Lance Hardy advice about sex?

Or when?

Tell him the clincher, Doris.

Hardcover.

Bestseller. My husband will publish a
book that you will write that gives

to women about sex.

I think it'll make the New York Times
bestseller list and probably run for a

year. I'm talking something very big.

Yeah? I think it's sensational.

Doris came up with the idea.

I'm the publisher. I'm handling the
overall package. You know, the

Doris will work out the details with
you, how it's going to work. She'll edit

it, the whole thing.

Doris, do me a favor. Take him home.

Go over the details with him. When you
do that for him, show him how it works.

You got any questions? No problem. I got
to get out of here. All right, Taurus?

You'll take him home? Sure, darling. You
look good.

Don't you look good? Great.

Great.

You

got

a nice place here.

So, we're going to...

You want me to do a little book? Write a
book, huh?

Listen, Lance.

Walter will never find out about this.

Huh? He could never understand how I
really feel about you.

Only I understand, Lance.

I know what you feel.

You know what I feel?

Listen to me, Lance. I'm talking about a
relationship here. Mrs.

Michaels. Doris. Hey, Doris. Look,
Doris, you don't understand what this

business is like. And I'm not really
what you think I am. I know. I know,

So you just relax and stay right here
and don't move.

I'm going to slip into something... More
comfortable.

More expressive.

I gotta get out of here.

Maybe I'll stay.

I mean, she's not that bad looking.

She's cute and a good piece of ass,
maybe.

I don't know if we'll know.

No, I better go. No, this isn't... I'll
stay.

No? Yeah, I'll stay.

I'll stay.

No.

Just relax and lie there, darling.

I'll do everything.

I gotta get out of here.

What a bad sport.

With warmest regards, Sensational
International Pictures, Harvey D. Cox,

Chairman of the Board, Bernard A. Kuntz,
President.

Thank you, Dorothy. That'll be all.

You're welcome, sir.

Oh.

Hi, Dorothy. How's my favorite
secretary?

I'm doing well, Mr. Hardy. Thank you.

You know, you, uh... You look very...
Respectful.

You look well yourself, sir.

Well, thank you, Mr. Hardy, for honoring
us with your esteemed presence.

Cut the crap, Ernie. Get to the point.
We want to see me about.

We want you...

to finish Matinee Idol with Linda.

Well, what about that other actress we
tested, Daisy, what's her name? Daisy

Chaney. Yes, her test looked great. Just
great. But, but, we gotta recoup our

money from Matinee Idol, and the only
way to do that is for you and Linda both

to finish the picture.

Well, suppose I agree.

Then how are you gonna get Linda to go
along with this?

We've already talked to Linda, and she's
agreed.

She's going to cooperate fully.

And then after matinee idol is
completed, we can drop Linda and replace

Daisy in the next film.

Crazy.

How do you drop Linda Hand?

We don't need two female stars on one
lot. Now, Linda's too old. She's over

hill. I think your partner's going a
little wacky.

I think you're crazy.

Linda Hand, Pastor Prime, she's the
best.

She can still raise every cop from here
to the East Coast.

including a couple of old men that I
know.

All right, when do you want to resume
filming? Tomorrow morning at 8 o 'clock

sharp, so be there.

Oh, I'll be there.

I told you, Bernie, they got their
brains between their legs.

If you two are ready, I'd like to get
started.

Places, everyone. Get ready for a take.

Heat them up.

Roll sound.

Mark.

Action.

You knew I was following you all that
time, didn't you?

Didn't you?

Huh?

I was watching you.

Did you know that?

Yeah, I knew.

You wanted this cock, didn't you?

Give it to me.

Oh, you did.

I'm not your husband. You can talk to
him, but you can't talk to me.

I love it.

Go for a new angle now.

Lance.

I just want you to know that I'm really
sorry about...

No, no, no. There's no reason to
apologize.

It was my fault.

Well, I guess actually we both have
reason to apologize.

It's nice to see you two aren't
fighting.

Okay. Ready, everybody.

We're back in business.

Places, everyone. Get ready for a take.

Heat them up.

Hold on a second.

I'm not hard.

It's hard to get my dick up in the list.

You don't mind, do you? No.

Let me get back in character.

The camera's just on your faces. Can't
we get this thing shot?

Hey, I'm going to tell you something.

You know, I got to be insider, all
right? It's all right, Lance. We're

I do the soft core stuff. It's okay. I
don't want to pretend. I want to feel

If we don't start soon, we'll be into
overtime, Lance.

You know, sometimes you... It's okay.

Don't get me upset, all right?

Jesus. Roll sound.

Speed. Mark.

Action.

Love your big dick.

Fuck me.

Turn me over.

What? Turn me over.

Like that?

Pull it down, come on.

Funny ass.

You got it.

Beautiful, beautiful.

Right.

Okay? Yeah, damn good. Okay for you? No,
no, no.

That's a good shot.

Wrap for the day.

Nice work.

Someone knows where they are.

Hey.

How about dinner sometime?

Really?

I'd like that.

Hey, nice place you have.

Hello.

You know, I don't think I've ever been
happier, Lance.

Yeah?

Is that before or after you locked me
out of the house?

Would you like a drink?

I'd love one, thanks.

You know, you made Daisy and Bud very
happy, too. If it wasn't for you, they'd

have never met.

If it wasn't for you, they'd have never
met.

Linda, tell me something.

You think you could marry me?

No.

Hard man's good to find.

You didn't let me finish.

What I meant to say is, why do you want
to marry me?

Well, let me see.

This might take a while.

If you say yes, I'll spend the rest of
our lives telling you why.

Now this is the first time that we're
alone together.

And Mr.

and Miss Hawk, by the power vested in me
by the state of California, I pronounce

you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

And Mr.

Hardy and Miss Hand, I just want to tell
you how much my wife and I enjoy

watching your films.

Thank you, Your Honor. Thank you. Thank
you very much.

Congratulations.

Thank you, Mr. Hardy.

Thank you so much. Daisy,
congratulations.

Thanks, Matt.

Very best of luck to you both.

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

Bye -bye. Have a safe trip.

So long.

So you got married.

I'll send you a wedding gift.

Who?

Daisy. I thought you and Linda. She...
You what?

She what?

What?

You and who?

I thought you were sweet on... What's
her name?

Linda's what? Come on, Lance. Quit
kidding.

You what? Hello.

Hello.

They quit.

Both of them.

All of them.

What do we do, Bernie?

Somewhere in this whole star -struck
town, there's got to be another guy with

big cock, a pretty face, able to come on
cue.

You. Fella.

You out there.

How about you?

You want to be a matinee idol.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, God.