All language subtitles for 49-Ma

Once upon a time, there was a poor
village.

And in this village was a poor cottage.

And in the cottage lived a very poor
man, Lyle Not -a -Penny.

I'm not poor, I'm just... I'm between
pictures.

Yeah, right.

Lyle Not -a -Penny was a peddler, who
often traveled to different realms to

his wares.

Alas and alack, his wife had died some
years before.

Leaving two daughters to care for.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Don't you think maybe the folks could
just follow along on their own from here

on out? They could probably figure
things out, okay?

Very well.

She drives me crazy.

Eliza!

Sweetheart! Dearest!

It's your father. I'm preparing to go on
my next journey.

Eliza?

Eliza?

What is it, Father?

That's your father. I must flee.

Ignore him, little John.

I'm going to be going on my journey now.
I thought I would check with you and

see if there's anything I might get you.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

What is it?

jewels, some of that fine old wine, and
a

big salami.

Yes, dearest. If I can, I will.

A little bit much, but I'll try.

Well, just bring me back something good.
A wrap.

Yes, dear.

Well, farewell, daughter.

Beauty, excuse me. I was going to just
come to you now.

I'm getting ready to go on my long
journey.

I shall miss you, my father.

Well, you know how much I love you, and
I'd really like to get you a special

gift of some kind and bring it back from
the trip and things for a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, between pictures, I
know. But you have already given me the

greatest gift a father could give a
daughter.

To be raised in a wonderful, wholesome,
clean home.

Well, I just, I'd like to give you
whatever you desire. You know, anything.

mean, I might do well. I could sell a
good gross of leeches or a lot of I

Survived the Plague t -shirts. You know,
it's possible.

Well, I would like a rose.

A beautiful rose.

A rose?

That would make me very happy.

It so goes.

Well, I'll see what I can do. I'll
really try.

Well, okay.

Now, you beware of the lepers.

And don't you let in any more trolls
like you did last time, okay?

Yes, Father.

Okay, fine.

Father, you have a nice journey.

Yes, dear.

There we go.

Yeah. You can shove that in there later.

Yes.

There's my hat.

Goodbye.

Bye, Dad.

Excuse me.

Well, I tell you something, I saw a
dwarf in the forest one time in Sherman

Forest, hopping this way to a princess.

Except, uh, I call it the derpy style.

Oh! Oh!

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

What?

I was just sitting up there and I just
couldn't wait any longer.

I don't want you. You're so beautiful.

Well, who are you?

I'm Mother Goose.

Mother Goose?

You're just the best little mother I
ever knew.

And now I am going to turn you into a
pumpkin and eat you.

All right.

Over there, my beauty.

Several days later, Lyle Montefini
started to make his way home.

He had done quite poorly in his
peddling, and to top it all off, a very

con man had taken his last penny.

He had pulled him some beans.

He had heard about a man, Jack, who
climbed a beanstalk and made a fortune,

stupid Lyle didn't realize it was just a
fairy tale.

Just when his tired feet could carry him
no more, he came upon a beautiful

castle.

I wonder if a friendly baron dwells
therein. Dwell within.

Dost thou mind?

Thank you.

I wonder if a friendly baron dwells
therein that...

Might take a poor traveler who's had a
long and weary voyage here.

I'll check there in and see.

Night!

David, you're a fiend!

A thousand apologies, my dear Deborah.
Here, let me help you.

Such are the wages of chivalry.

You're a knight in shitty armor.

As Shakespeare will say in about 200
years, me thinks you protest too much.

Why do you resist me so?

After all, we're the same, you and I.

Poor and passionate.

I'll do better than you. You just wait
and see.

One day my love will come here and take
me away from all this, but not before

kicking your ass.

We've worked here in close quarters for
three years, and yet you still prefer

some phantom prince to me.

After all, a cock in the hand is worth
two in the bush.

That's bird, you lowlife.

Everyone has their pet name for it.

You know what you are?

You're a knave and a scoundrel.

You know my goal is to leave this dump.

And to marry someone like our master,
handsome prince.

But he isn't handsome.

He's beastly.

No, but deep inside he's beautiful.

You say. Get back to work.

I don't pay you six pence a week to rut
like weasels on my floor.

Yes, my lord. Yes, my lord.

My good woman.

I'm a weary traveler who would see if he
could stay here, get some lodging after

his long trip.

Well, I don't see why not, but it's up
to me, Master.

Who's at the door, Deborah?

It's a weary traveler of great body and
charm who wishes lodging for the

evening.

Do you play a game?

Uh, well, a little. I'm not very good at
it.

Great. Enter my good man.

warn you.

Oh,

the floor's slippery.

There's danger here.

I'm going to have to work for my supper.

I'll chop some wood.

No, I said expecting to get your name.

Lyle, not again.

Lyle, I must warn you.

Master is very sensitive and he has a
short fuse.

The muffin's gas was only for the
revulsion, when you first see his face.

Why would I be so rude? My goodness, I
mean, I'm not an official mannered

peasant.

Hello, I'm Lord Beestington, and you
are?

I'm Lord... Holy shit, this is my mother
-in -law!

Mr. Lau, holy shit, Jesus Christ, mother
of God. Interesting name.

Religious, yet, uh, decadent.

Problem?

Too thick, too thick.

Oh, really?

You know, I studied a little bit of
dentistry in my youth.

Here, let me see, let me see.

Not bad, not bad.

Could use a little cleaning and maybe
some braces on those lower incisors.

You know, most people think braces are
for children, but I've worn them.

Up until just recently.

They've done wonders for my smile.

Beautiful.

Well, if I could be off to bed, I'm
getting a little tired.

Yes.

I have to be at the crack of dawn, so
I'm probably going to be seeing you

What's the rush?

What's the rush? We could have something
to... We could have something to...

Something to eat.

And maybe...

Perhaps you could join me in a game or
two.

Well, I don't want to turn down your
hospitality.

Sir,

sire, what again did you say this game
was called?

Oh, this game was invented by a friend
of mine, Lord Parker, and his brother.

It's called Monopoly.

Here we go.

Q -U -A -S -T -L -E.

Castle. That's 30 points for me.

Castle.

Sir.

Sire. Not castle.

It's kind of like classel to me, but...
No, it's castle.

Q -U -A -S -T -L -E. Castle.

Castle.

Isn't castle like C?

C? Castle?

What's the matter? Can't you see,
Castle?

Q -U -A -S -T -L -E, Castle. What's the
matter? You can't see?

No, no, I... What's wrong with you?

Are you doubting my intelligence?

No, I'm not.

No, sir. Of course not, sir.

Looks good to me.

Good. 30 points, Castle. 40 points for
you. 30 points is enough. Just what I

get.

Your turn.

Yes, sir. Sorry.

S -H -E -R -W -O -O -D. Sherwood.
Sherwood Forrest.

Just like Sherwood Forrest.

I went again.

But that, I don't think that, that's not
a proper noun.

It's a proper noun. It's proper.
Sherwood Forrest is proper. What's the

with you? No, no, it's a word.

Good word, too. It's a word.

But the capital letters for Forrest.

Sherwood. Capital letters.

The capitals. Look, capital G, capital
G.

There's a capital M here, right? Is that
a capital?

That's a capital. Capital M, right? That
looks like a capital to me. What's the

matter with you?

Yeah, well, far be it from me to... But
something's not quite... I don't

understand you.

You're always complaining about when I
make a word. You shouldn't do that.

Yes. Sure, of course, it's a word.
What's the matter with you? It's just

word. I win. Come on.

Did I tell you...

Did I have a new set of thumbscrews?

Oh!

Looks good to me.

Yes.

I win again. You win again. That's
right.

Stupid me.

Another mistake.

Oh, it's getting late.

I'm going to have to give it up. We're
bad here.

Come on. We can play another game. We
don't agree. It was over so fast. Oh,

you're just too good.

I'm losing everything. Stupid me. You
make all these mistakes.

But you're improving.

Look, you got a wife here.

Yeah, I got a wife.

Well, I think I should just leave it at
that, you know, and take off to bed.

I'm not so good. I sort of warned you
before. I'm not really good at games,

you're really good, boy. I'll tell you,
you're the best I've ever run across.

All right.

Mr. Holy Spirit, Jesus Christ, Mother of
God.

I'll join you for breakfast at dawn.

I'm a very early riser.

Oh, good.

Lord Beast.

More? There was a word.

Crazy. That's crazy.

That guy is ugly.

How the hell am I ever going to get to
sleep?

Hades, Hades, Hades.

Up walking all day long, trying to sell
leeches.

Doesn't do a bit of good. Nobody wants
leeches in this day and time.

Oh, I get to think of something
beautiful.

I don't want to have nightmares all
night long.

Nightmares, I hate nightmares.

I think of being shish kebab by
unicorns.

Gremlins.

I know.

I'll think of my daughter, Beauty.

No.

This time of night, I better not think
of beauty. It's... I don't know.

I'll think of the queen.

She's a little high there, maybe.

I know.

I'll think of that whore at Wimbledon.

After the tennis.

A little humus built.

Oh!

Deborah! A beautiful face.

Well, well.

I brought you some port to help you
sleep.

Thank you very much.

Very thoughtful.

You know, the hospitality around here is
a great deal better than the master's

loser face.

Oh, Lyle, I've been cooped up here since
I was a child.

Regale me stories of the open road, of
all your travels.

I'm so intrigued by men of adventure.

Well...

What's to tell, eh?

Oh, let's see, you know.

Once I was mugged by the happy men in
Sherwood Forest.

Did you see Robin Hood?

Uh, I didn't see the merry men, the
happy men. It was kind of a rip -off

They didn't get much publicity and
weren't too big in the polls.

Yeah, oh, let's see.

I was sort of a replacement for old King
Cole's Fiddler 3.

Stand up, Bart.

Didn't work out till you got another
good career. Oh, Lord, I think I love

Deborah, no, you don't love me.

You can't love me.

I'm just a poor, wandering, endlessly
traveling, peasant peddler.

I have two grown daughters.

Oh.

I'm a widower.

Yeah,

I'm always constantly going from town to
town, place

to place, in to in to out. I mean, to
pubs and,

you know, just never really settled
down. No earth.

No home.

No fires.

It's a little warm in here. Is there a
fire?

Deborah, now, I appreciate the value of
persistence.

As a salesman, I understand those sort
of things. But this is not going to do

you a bit of good.

A little bit of good.

Now, you shame.

Don't we rot in hell if we do that kind
of thing? I mean... Oh, get wasted. It's

a fortune.

And true.

Oh.

For a real stifled woman, you've got one
heck of a great imagination.

I can't appreciate it.

It's just sort of undoes down here.

Shut up.

She thinks you like what you see.

Yeah, it reminds me of tennis. I mean,

no.

Very nice.

You can imagine everything, don't they?

Bet you had this imported from London,
didn't you?

Surprise, you have no petticoat down
there.

But it sounds good.

Yes, it is a little bit.

You're taking advantage of a widower.
You are. I can tell. Take him on, you.

Take advantage.

Why?

Like snow.

Yes. I'd like to see more.

Can I see a lot more?

Nothing like a few leather laces.

Oh, boy.

We've got to help him spring free.

Let's bring him free.

Where did it go?

So good.

What's that?

That doesn't look good.

No! No!

Oh.

Yes.

Deborah, you're a winch man.

What do you think, Lyle?

I think you're wonderful.

I think I am completely drained.

Oh, Deborah.

Deborah.

Now, you have to remember, I'm just, I'm
a poor peddler.

You can't come with me. You could do so
much better with somewhere else, with

somebody else.

Really. Now, I feel rather foolish.

Oh, but, Deborah, please.

It's all right. It's all right.

I don't have to be struck over the
noggin.

No, no.

I always appreciated the

warm hospitality.

who was happy to be leaving that ugly
baron's domain.

Goodbye, Lord Beasley.

Thanks a lot.

You won't regret taking those leeches
off my hand. They're a good deal.

As Lion was about to leave the grounds
of Beasley, he passed a rosebush filled

with beautiful pink roses.

Remembering the request of his daughter,
Beauty, he plucked one of the roses.

Hey.

Hey.

Who gave you permission to pick that
rose?

Well, I just thought it was, you know...
I give you room and board.

My maid fucks your brains out.

And you steal a rose from me.

I should put you in my dungeon and give
you a good thrashing. Oh, I meant no

harm. It's just that my beautiful
daughter Beauty asked that I bring her a

a nice little rose.

And I can't give my daughter the finer
things in life.

Very well, very well. I'll not thrash
you.

You're a beautiful human being, you
know.

Unconditioned that the beautiful
daughter Beauty visit my home for a few

Oh, well, Beauty is... She's fine and
delicate. I'm afraid that she would be

maybe a little afraid. You understand?

Yeah,

you understand.

Did I mention to you that I have snakes
in my dungeon?

Beauty, be right over. Take the first ox
cart down. I'll send it right over. All

right, good.

And if you don't make good on your
promise, I'll find you.

Fire.

Fire.

Have a nice day.

Dodgers, I've returned.

Oh, Father, Father, I have missed you
so. Beauty.

Look what I have brought you.

Oh, it's so beautiful.

Smell it.

Where is Eliza?

Well, where else?

oh oh

Sit down, beauty.

Can we talk?

Of course.

You know that really beautiful rose that
I brought back for you? Yeah. Yeah,

well, it wasn't exactly free.

You see, I got a little bit tired on the
trip, and I took this break and stayed

at this mansion.

Lyle explained everything.

Well, almost everything.

About the house, the hideous Lord
Beastland, and so forth.

But since you know all that, we thought
you might want to know what's going on

in Liza's room.

And so would I.

that we need a reaction sometimes.

Oh my God.

oh oh oh

Bye.

Hey. Hey, where'd she go? Where'd she
go? There was a girl right here, man.

girl that was sitting on my face. Well,
I don't know. Aren't I good enough for

you, little John? I don't know, but I
was just eating a girl just about five

seconds ago.

Look what I got.

Oh, yeah.

Ooh. Ooh.

I've had since Robin Hood.

But it's only going to be a couple of
days.

A couple of days, sweetheart.

Oh, it sounds awful.

It sounds terrible. Papa, please don't
make me do it.

Father.

Bring me any gifts?

I'm afraid, dear daughter, I didn't. My
trip wasn't too bountiful. It was... You

wiener.

What's the matter with little Miss
Muffet?

Terrible. A wealthy baron insists that I
come and spend a few days at his house

because father picked one of his roses
for me.

A rich baron?

What are we waiting for?

Well, I'm afraid he only requested
beauty.

Do you know the psychological damage
that you do to me when you favor her all

the time?

You don't understand. This baron is an
extremely ugly, hideous guy.

Hey, he's rich.

I mean, how bad can he be?

Hmm. U -U -A -S -P -L -E. Castle. I
don't understand.

He said closet.

What do you get closet for?

Very strange.

Nice.

Jesus

H.

Christ. Son of a bitch.

It's odd. You have a different name from
your father.

Perhaps you'd like to freshen up
before... Before... Before...

Dinner.

Dinner. I'll take you to your room. The
beast was immediately charmed by the

virginal beauty.

Eliza, of course, was quite jealous.

My dear.

Tell me.

Do you know anything about... Monopoly.

It's very easy.

It's a game with words.

See?

Spell words.

What's a quassel?

What do you mean quassel? It's castle.

Q -U -A -S -T -L -E. Castle.

What's the matter with you? You're just
like your father.

Meat.

My favorite.

Yes. Dessert?

No. No, thanks. No, for me.

You sure? Oh, yeah.

No, no, no. I can't eat sweets.

It's all right.

Be gone. Be gone.

Beauty.

Why don't we have some brandy and some
more Monopoly?

As you please, sire.

You know, I'd really like some brandy
right about now.

I was speaking only to beauty.

You may retire for the evening.

Ah, beauty.

It's often said that beauty is only skin
deep, but ugliness goes to the bone.

Do you believe that?

Certainly not.

I have so much love and passion inside
me.

But my ugliness prevents anyone from
seeing it.

That's very sad.

People don't realize that the beautiful
diamond is embedded in dark black coal.

Yeah, yeah. And the ugly caterpillar
becomes the beautiful butterfly.

And the gnarled sticks and twigs of
winter make way for the roses of spring.

And those sticky little wrinkled little
babies become fully grown adult things

and people.

Birds.

Are you finished?

No, quite. I agree with you. You agree
with me.

Oh, beauty.

So many times in my life I've met women
who are completely withheld and won't

even speak to me.

You...

You find it in your heart.

Make love.

Oh, no, wait a minute.

Oh, please, Judy, please.

I would be so grateful.

Listen, I'm nice and I'm empathetic and,
you know, all that, but I'm sorry. I

can't. I'm sorry.

I'm the one who should be sorry. I was
wrong to ask.

Let's enjoy the fire.

Why does that bitch have all the luck?

I mean, why can't I have a rich
landowner?

Would you settle for a rich landowner's
son?

Of course.

Who are you?

Just as I said.

The master's my father.

Fortunately, I got me mother's looks,
though.

Lucky for you.

You know, you really are quite
attractive.

Much more than your sister.

Well, you shouldn't have to say the
right things.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not only that.

I believe in sex at first sight.

My kind of girl.

You like that?

Oh,

that's a sweet pussy.

I figured sheep would be it for the rest
of me life. I can't believe this.

Well, what about Debra?

Looks like a pretty cute wench. She's
the help.

I mean, a wealthy young princess song
could be seen with her.

Could ruin the image.

I'd much rather be munching on this. Oh
yeah.

I love you.

I gotta fuck you up now.

Royal Rod.

I'm in a real girl.

A real girl.

Are you ready to sit atop the royal step
there?

Oh, yes.

Oh,

look at that.

It's gorgeous, huh?

And that, all that wool.

I love it.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yes.

Get

real.

Oh, yes.

gotta have those ruby red lips around my
cock.

Explode.

Explode.

Pass the jacket.

Help me.

and help me clean it up.

She doesn't happen to help you clean the
kitchen.

It's the prince's son.

Yeah. Get out of here, woman.

Is that what you told her, that you're
the prince's son?

Winch.

Go do your chores.

He's nothing but the handyman.

And Master wants you downstairs in the
study to bring him some more firewood.

Oh.

You mean I've been screwing the goddamn
handyman?

Well? Out.

Out. Back to sheep again.

Out.

I'll date you one.

Date me?

Just my luck. Even when my sister has an
ugly date, at least

he's worth millions.

I mean, I've been waiting for my prince
for so long.

They are out there, aren't they?

I'll keep waiting for mine, too.

Do you ever think he might not come?

Constantly.

Why did that we sit around waiting for
some man to come along to take care of

us?

Men are such great treasures.

No, they aren't.

I mean, sure, we have Beastie
downstairs.

But most men, they're coarse, hairy, and
rough.

They're not smooth and silky.

Or curvaceous.

Or supple.

And round.

And understanding.

Giving.

I mean, a man doesn't even know how to
kiss a woman. Look.

Or suck them the way they really want to
be kissed.

Let them suck.

That's not right.

Come

on.

Did you hear that?

Wait, I didn't hear that. Mm -mm. Did
you hear that?

Oh, make your move.

Oh, man.

Oh,

my God.

Very nice.

Oh, yes.

Ooh, ooh.

Oh.

Lord Beesonton you have been most
gracious oh precious beauty

please I will ask one more time and I
will not

ask again just one brief moment of love
making please and I will comfort and

care for you for the rest of your life
and give anything your heart desires

anything Lord Beesonton You are

so charming and brilliant and witty, but
I'm sorry, I cannot.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Why me?

What's the matter with him? Did he find
a zit on his nose this morning?

No, he's offered to marry me and take
care of me for the rest of my life and

bestow great riches upon me. If only I
would make love to him.

And I refuse.

Why you?

Why you?

There, there, Lord.

There, there.

I'll make love to you.

That is, if the deal's still on, you
know, about the taking care of you.

You got a paper bag?

My daughters, you returned safely.

Did anybody call for me while I was
gone?

Uh, yes. They're all waiting for you
now.

Little John, Friar Tuck, Robin, and Maid
Marian?

Well, Robin Hood and Friar Tuck called.
They'll be a little bit late from

Sherwood Forest, but Little John and
Maid Marian are waiting. Wow.

What is wrong, my dear?

Is the beast's ugliness emblazoned on
your brain the way it is on mine?

Well, indeed, he's quite ugly on the
outside.

But on the inside, he's a man of great
wit, sensitivity, romance.

He used to love to build a fire and we
would sit by it.

And he would talk.

He must have done some incredible
speaking.

He did.

Why aren't they melancholy, my dearest?

I'm not sure.

I turned him down when he wanted to make
love to me.

Jesus H. Christ.

You were right to turn him down. You'd
regret it for the rest of your life if

you did.

But don't you see? I turned him down
merely because he was physically ugly.

I can dig it.

But he wept so bitterly.

You know, he's a man of great
sensitivity.

I hurt him. Now I feel so bad.

My naive one.

Men will beg and they will plead and
they will cry for the charms of a

woman. But I cared for him.

I cared for what he was on the inside.

Don't you see?

He genuinely cared for me.

It's true. Sometimes you have to dig a
little more deeply for true beauty.

Father, I must return to him.

I just cannot be true to myself if I
don't.

Fine, but if you fall in love and if you
marry, would you consider adoption?

Possibly.

A kid.

So Beauty returned as fast as she could
to Beastland to fulfill her destiny.

Lord Beastington!

You, here I... Beauty, you've returned.

Yes, I've returned, my love.

Oh, you have.

But why?

Oh,

Beauty.

Let's meet.

You've never done this before?

Oh, a friend of mine invented them, Lord
Boxer.

They'll be new things one day, you'll
see.

They're quite comfortable.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Sure, compared to before.

You see, years ago, a spell was put on
me by a wicked witch.

And it could only be removed if a
beautiful and kind woman

who really and truly cared for me made
love to me.

That's remarkable.

I guess sometimes being a self
-sacrificing, guilt -ridden ninny...

Pays off.

Absolutely.

Beauty, will you marry me?

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Ah, well.

Here we are.

This is my grade school.

PS48.

Charming. And over here...

This is my father.

I see the resemblance.

Over here is my pet duck.

Here is my window.

What a game.

Why didn't I ever think of fucking him?

It was a feast.

Good woman, have you a room for a
wealthy adventurer upon whom a witch has

a horrible spell?

Right this way.

Yes, yes.

Oh, my fair young beast.

I'd love to hear.

Be gentle.

Oh, yes.

Making my handsome friend.

Just enjoy your friend.

This is what I've been waiting for.

That's all. Just a test.

You're a fiend and a scoundrel.

Wait. I can't get this mask off.

Help me, please.

Please. It's hard in here.

Please.

That's rough.

And there you have it, my children.

Everyone came. Or at least almost
everyone came happily ever after.

Now it's Mother Goose's turn.

Oh,

that's it.

Oh, I suck, Mother Goose.

happily ever after including