Original subtitles

Hey, it's not my fault.

Not your fault?

You're the one who can't get it up.

You're the one who can't get it hard.

See, I'm hard.

That's ridiculous.

I can't believe you said that to me.

You know I've got all these pressures, and I've got things on my mind, the

bills, and now they're laying people off at work.

And what makes matters worse, your mother is coming to stay with us for a

Thank God I've got at least a couple weeks before that ordeal.

Oh, Jesus.

Honey,

please don't leave.

Please, we've got to sit down and talk about it.

Yeah, that's right. We'll sit down. We'll sit down at the kitchen table, all

right? Then you can tell me what's for breakfast.

That's it. Change the subject.

I'm going to make sure that you don't forget about your little problem.

I need to sit down and talk about things. I can't believe that you're

to me. I have done nothing wrong. I have been nothing but fucking nice to you.

What's wrong with me? There's nothing, no reason why you can't get it up with

me. Look at me. I'm a gorgeous lady. Fuck.

Jesus, what is his problem?

Probably jerking off.

That's why he can't get it up.

God, I wish he would shut the fuck up.

It's all I ever hear.

I'm not listening.

We've really got to talk about your problem.

Come on, you know.

It's making me really upset. We've got to talk about it.

You don't care or you don't love me or what? What is it?

I'm sorry. There's nothing that I have done.

Why can't you just understand that we need to talk about it?

I can't believe it. You don't care enough about me not to talk about it.

It's not my fault. It's your fault. Actually...

I don't believe you at all. I cannot believe you're being so insensitive to

Jesus. What a jerk.

Yeah, how you doing?

Oh, great.

Of course I'm going out today to play.

Oh, I told her I had to go to work and take care of a few things.

Yeah. Hey, man, I don't know. I got to get out of here.

She's driving me fucking nuts.

Besides that, I can't even stand to look at her in the morning anymore.

All right.

Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I'll see you on the course.

Bye.

And who was that?

Hmm? Who was that?

Oh, that was just Bobby.

Fine, enough of us coming to work today.

Are we going to talk or not?

Well, San Diego's playing later.

We got to talk.

Mm -hmm.

Uh -huh. St. Louis is doing pretty good. This is all you've got to say is uh

-huh and talk about baseball?

Mm -hmm.

Well, actually, I've got to get to work.

Fine, just leave me here again all by myself.

Go off to work.

It'll be okay.

I'll see you later, honey. You're not going to talk, are you?

What is that shit on your face?

Tastes like rotten avocados.

Goodbye.

It does.

Linda, it's Vicki.

Hi, Vicki.

How are things working out?

Oh, I'm fine, I guess.

Yeah, I guess he's all right, too.

I still can't get it up.

Oh, really?

Maybe he needs to be jolted out of it.

No, I think I've got an idea. Can you come on over?

Sure, I'll be right over.

Okay, bye -bye.

God, I can't believe she's doing this.

I mean, what the hell?

Guy needs help. He needs help.

I can't believe this.

You're putting that ad in a swing paper?

God, what are you trying to do? I have tried everything. I don't know what the

problem is.

It's just like he's not horny anymore.

All I get is a limp dick.

So I figure I get these women to answer this ad. And without him knowing about

it, turn him on.

Do you get it?

No.

Okay.

I'm going to have these people go into his day -to -day life, his activities,

and kind of like juice him up a bit.

Now do you get it? I am lost in his death.

Oh, never mind.

It'll work. It's got to work.

Listen, I'll be right back, okay? I've got something to show you.

What do I got?

I've had to resort to using these, but I'll tell you, they're not bad.

My, my, my.

Isn't this a creation?

I bet you'd like to find out.

Hi. Oh, hi. You must be Cindy, the girl that called the other night? Yes, I am.

Hi, this is Linda, and I'm Vicki.

Thanks for having me over.

Um,

that's really the second interview I've had. I've been a little skeptical after

the first one I was interviewed for.

Why? What happened?

I have to say, I had a new lady on the phone. I was talking to her. She invited

me over for what she said was going to be an orgy.

When I got there, it was more like a black magic ritual, which I was going to

sacrificed. Needless to say, I got out of there in a hurry.

Well, I guarantee we are not going to be that weird.

Promise.

Promise.

You've got quite a collection here.

I've got quite a collection of stuff at home. Well, I tell you, this is all I've

been having to get lately.

It's for you.

Well, see, it's my husband.

Forget Arthur.

I mean, for now, you know, let's just continue with what we were doing.

And Cindy, you are very welcome to join us. I'd love to.

I love you.

I love you.

Oh, yes.

Thank you.

You like that, right?

But of course.

Hey, even the ants want to join in.

How's that been unsurprising?

Okay.

So have you ever tried this one?

You ever tried this? Oh, good.

It's a whole thing.

Are you ready?

Oh, you are, aren't you? Oh, yeah.

Hello? Yes, this is she.

Oh, yes, thanks for calling.

No, we're not swingers. I mean, we like to have our fun and all that.

But we just haven't gotten into that yet.

See, the problem is my husband.

I'm kind of embarrassed about this.

See, he can't get it up.

And I thought we'd get a woman or a couple and just, I don't know, kind of

him on. He likes to watch.

Yeah. Well, I was hoping that maybe you would have some ideas.

Oh, fantastic.

And your boyfriend?

Great.

Nice.

Oh, God, I hope this works.

I wonder if Cindy has struck yet.

God, she was a cutie.

I hope I get another romp with her.

Yes.

Uh, okay. Bye.

Hello.

Shit, fight two?

Alright, you got it.

Hello. You wanna fight when?

Are you serious?

Alright, you got this. Bye.

Tina, could you come in here, please?

Tina! Are you out there?

Tina!

You're Tina.

Hi. Your secretary stepped out for a minute.

And I heard you calling for her, so I thought I could come in and help you.

What did you have in mind?

I mean, you tight?

No.

I had Penelope down. We have great work left.

I don't think this is going to work.

I mean, my secretary's going to be back in a few weeks.

Jesus, woman.

I've got over 200 people working outside.

Don't worry.

I'll take care of everything.

You don't want them to see that.

Oh, I can't do this.

Let me go to the doctor.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you.

oh oh

That's harder.

That's really hard.

Thank you.

Oh God.

God,

I wonder what he's doing.

She should have been there by now.

Oh, shit.

Simmons. Hi, honey, it's me.

What are you doing?

Hi, babe. Just working.

Working my ass off, matter of fact.

Anything else?

No, not much.

Why? Well, it sounds like you're out of breath. What are you doing?

I just ran up to answer the phone, babe.

You know, I think I found that new assistant I was looking for.

Yeah, she seems to have that certain quality, you know.

Kind of helps relieve that tension.

Well, I just called to see what you were doing and...

Just to say hi.

That's it, huh?

Okay, well, what time are you going to be home?

Okay, see you soon.

Bye.

Oh, man.

Oh. Oh, fuck it.

Oh, shit. Oh,

yeah.

Hey, baby.

How you doing? I'm Joe, your love stud.

I gotta tell you, you got a fine ass on you, baby.

Oh. Yeah, I'm here answering that ad. You Vicky?

Uh, no, yes.

Um, I'm glad you came by.

Me too. Why don't you come on inside and we'll get you nice for the day. Yeah,

I'm ready for that. Let's do it.

Oh, mama.

That butt.

Oh, it's hot.

Yeah, I didn't even get in.

I'm right behind you. Don't worry.

Here you go.

You're wasting time, aren't you, baby, huh?

You're counting on a good day.

Yeah? Yeah, I want this.

That's why I brought it.

Go for it, baby.

Piece of shit.

Bitch.

That's a fucking poker game.

Yeah.

Yeah, you little kitten.

You're a good cock. Yeah,

like that.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

This one here, baby.

I love that.

Better than your hand.

We're just laughing out loud.

Oh, God.

It's not you.

You want to sit on my dick?

You want to fuck me? Uh -huh.

That's not too bad.

Why the fuck?

Yeah, I don't know.

um oh

Oh, yeah.

Just make it shine.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yes.

Oh, yeah, baby.

Oh, my God.

Oh,

my God. Oh, my God.

Oh,

my

God.

Fuck you like a dog. Fuck you like a dog. Look at your ass.

How does it look?

Looks fine to me. Come on back.

It's almost time.

Oh, yeah, right.

That's it. Perfect.

That's what you like.

to come between my tits. I want to suck the cum out of your dick.

That's what I want to do.

I want to suck your dick.

I want you to come between my tits.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Stroke. Stroke. Stroke. Oh, yeah.

Get

the rest out

of your heart.

Oh,

yeah.

Well,

I think we put on a pretty good show, don't you?

He's still watching.

Teach him something.

Smile to him.

Well,

I got to get out of here. I got a poker game to go to.

All right.

I'll call you.

Yeah, poker games.

So, see you later.

Take care of yourself.

Well, what do we have here?

Looks like you were the rest of the bear.

Yeah. It's a lot more fun than that, though.

Well,

you should hurry up and get dressed. Arthur should be home any minute. And

today, there should be a sparklet somewhere in his loins.

I want to be totally alone with him when he gets active today. So I've got to go

down and...

Take a shower and stuff?

Yeah, well, all right. I'll give you a call later on tonight then. Sounds good.

Okay. Talk to you later. Okay. Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

What day is it today? Tuesday, right?

Poker is on Tuesday.

You know that, Vicki.

By the way, can you put some clothes on?

Yeah, I got you.

I got you.

Who the hell are you?

Hey, I'm Joe, your love stud, baby.

Come here.

How you doing, huh?

What are you going to do? Where are you taking me?

What do you mean, where am I taking you? I'm your love star. What's the matter

with you? You should be begging to fuck me.

Are you kidding?

You probably fuck like a boy. I fuck men.

Get out of here. What are you talking about?

Get over here.

Are you crazy?

I'm your love star, baby.

How big is your dick?

It's the same size as it always was.

Who do you care? It's big enough to take care of you.

Just eat my pussy, you wimp.

Give me your pussy, I'll eat it.

You better do it good.

Yeah, I'm on the other way.

It's not even.

Good job.

I got it.

Not even?

I want to cum in your face.

You still get up to my mustache.

Let

me

help you.

There it is. Right there.

Not bad.

Had enough?

That's it.

You're learning.

See?

Should take it away from you. Too good for you.

I'm gonna come in your face. I'm gonna dirty your face all up.

There it is. Right there.

Be a nice boy.

You have to eat it.

Why are you talking such shit? Let's see what you can do, huh?

With a big pink lip for you.

With your dick on.

Look, that feels comfortable here.

You're not bad for a peeping Tom.

Peep at Joe, baby.

Yeah,

that's not bad.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Babe, we got to fuck.

We got to fuck now.

We got to fuck now.

We got to butt on a rock, baby.

It's not fair, baby. It's not fair.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, look.

Get up here. Sit around, baby. I want to see that ass of yours. Sure, if you

think you can handle it. Yeah.

You like that?

Mm -hmm.

Oh, yeah. I like that.

Fuck it. Fuck it.

I love it.

Don't you fuck me off.

Fuck you off? Yeah, give me a blow job.

Oh, baby, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh,

yeah,

baby. Take it all.

Yeah.

Yeah. Listen, sugar.

Don't you pop up out the old window there.

Huh?

Have a good time. I gave you a little center.

You know what I mean?

Not bad.

I'll see you around, huh?

Maybe. Take care of yourself.

Yeah, that was nice.

Check this stuff out.

Do I have an idea?

And all I'm going to do is approve.

I think you will.

Especially if it's going to create hard -ons. Well, tell me all about it. Tell

me all about it. Dig this.

Well,

if this doesn't work, then I think I have a big problem.

I want this real big problem to get better.

But you're right. If this doesn't work... You know, you have never looked

trashy in your whole life.

Have you taken a look at yourself lately?

I mean, you look good enough to eat.

Oh, Jesus.

Where's my wife?

I want to know who you are.

Hey, big boy. You want to have some fun?

Well, oh, yeah.

Matter of fact, you wouldn't be here unless my wife had something to do with

And so I'm here.

And obviously you're here.

And you brought me a little toy to attend.

Yeah, you like my little toy? I do. Things are getting better.

All the time.

How about this one?

You want me to fuck my friend with it?

Uh, no matter what, that's the only thing I would have to call you.

Ooh, the vibrator? Yeah.

Well, we'll just have to see.

Oh, yeah, let's take some of that.

Ooh.

Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh.

That's good.

DUDE

Oh yeah.

Bye -bye.

We'll see you in a day or two.

I can't put my finger on it.

Ah, didn't. Fuck me.

What would you like for dinner, baby?

What? What the hell is going on?

You're not mad, are you?

Well, no, not really.

This is a great idea you had.

Especially what's been happening to me today.

This has just been like the icing on the cake.

Oh, I love you.

I love you.