Original subtitles

Prepare you for your day.

Hello, Tasty, you sexy treat.

Good morning, Dodger. Well, you're right on time as usual, which is more than I

can say for leg man.

Well, I guess it's just you and me then.

Well, I guess it's just you because I've got to get out of here.

Aren't you forgetting something?

What? Well, the big meeting, first Monday of every month, remember?

Where we get the usual riot acts and the big chief.

Right, and founders will be right on time, as usual.

Mr.

Perfection, that's what he expects from everybody else.

Well, I'm going to go take a break. I've got to get out of here.

Five minutes to blast off.

Enjoy it while you can.

See you at the meeting.

This is tasty raisins. You're a cheerful good morning, girl.

Getting all you sleepyheads out of bed and entertaining all the commuters out

there. In just a moment, we'll be giving you the update on the freeway

situation. But for now, let's hear a little light rock from the mother's

condition on the latest traffic report in just a few minutes. But first, some

smooth rhythms from some of your favorite people, the Plum Blind.

Oh, baby, I want you to fuck me in my mouth.

It should have come all over my mouth, all over my face.

Oh, suck that big cock.

Take it all in, oh yeah.

Oh yeah.

there trying to meet another day here's a little help from culture craft and

afterwards we will definitely be giving you that three -way update what three

-way update after the number i haven't even written it yet i'll get her for

i gotta get out of here

who's

that

The port's almost due and he isn't even here yet.

Sally, I have some papers for you to sign. I've got something to do with legs

first.

And that was some amazing noise we just heard.

And now for that tragic report we've all been waiting for.

Don't cut it a jam, tune in The Leg Man.

Lake Man Mack here bringing you the latest on the freeway situation.

All freeways are running normal, although heavy with early morning

The 405 had a mishap about 20 minutes ago in the northbound lane, and that

up traffic for a couple of miles. But that's been cleared away, and

everything's back to normal.

Now, the 210 freeway is running along smoothly.

And the Hollywood freeway is running from a little small to the pass.

But that's nothing normal.

Hell, I was just on the goddamn freeway. It was the worst jam this year.

Should have fired that guy before I even hired him.

Back to you, Tasty.

Thank you, Legman. That was a very concise report we just heard.

And now for some more music back from the electric cool shoes

I

Swear to God either you

get your shit together. I'm gonna do my best to get you bound

Check these pants off me. I want you to fuck me.

Right here?

Good morning, Evelyn.

Oh, Mr. Connors. It's Judd Rines.

Oh, shit.

I don't want to talk to him. Tell him I'm not here.

He's not on the phone. He's in your office.

Damn! Why did you let him in?

Well, because he said he'd drop all the ads this morning if I didn't let him in.

Good reason.

Judd, what brings you here?

You know damn well I'm here. Sit down, Gary.

Judd, I'm afraid I... I don't know what you're talking about.

Ratings, Gary.

What ratings?

Your ratings.

K -N -U -T's ratings.

Gary, they're shit.

Oh, those ratings.

Uh, they're not quite what we expected for this quarter. Gary?

They're not up by the end of the week. I'm going to pull every damn ad I'm

running with you. I don't think I need to tell you what'll happen if

and Rhymes pulls their ads.

Now, now, Judd, don't you think they're overreacting a bit here? Not one damn

bit.

By the end of the week. Understand?

There you go, Mr. Conner. Take these.

Here, we need help.

Don't ride me hard.

That's an understatement.

We are faith for the major crisis, Evelyn.

Major.

Just take a deep breath.

That's right.

You really shouldn't let this worry you, Mr. Conner.

He says the same thing every month.

I know.

He just likes driving down here to let off some steam.

I know he does.

You know, why else would a big advertising agent drive all the way down

just to talk to us?

If he really wanted to pull some ads, he'd use the phone.

There's no logic to this guy.

He is a born sadist. I know for a fact he is. And I know he says the same thing

every month. And I know he likes to blow off steam.

But the difference is, now, I think he really means it.

Oh, come on.

Do you really think so? I know so.

Before, the ratings were just going down.

Now, the ratings are so low, I think there's no place else to go but under.

You have a point, Mr. Connors.

Now, get those idiotic DJs into the conference room right now.

Right away, Mr. Connors.

and that was some wild rhythm by the brass knuckles singing for your

pleasure how'd you like a poke in the eye i know i wouldn't what is the catchy

little tune for this bright sunny southern california weather and now how

a really great classic right at the bullfrog by a real rockabilly band

pigsty time for the big meeting oh no this again oh yes this again

you're ready for a heavy one this time

And now for 30 minutes non -stop rock and roll.

You guys are a bunch of pinheads.

You are the worst DJs I've ever seen in radio.

And you better do something about it.

Like assholes in the unemployment office. He gives that same speech every

What's that, Dodger? I was just saying that we've done everything we can. We've

tried specializing in rock and roll, rhythm and blues. Look, Connors, I've

in the station since we've been playing country western and bluegrass and all

that shit.

And nothing has worked. Yeah, not to mention all that punk rock, New Wave,

the other anti -music noise last year. Yeah, and the listeners kept complaining

we played the same songs over and over.

Everybody does Top 40.

Exactly.

That's what you guys have to come up with. Something different.

A new formula for KNUT that works.

But we've tried everything, boss.

And you.

That freeway report you did was totally inaccurate.

I was on the freeway this morning, and there was a 15 -car pileup, and you said

the freeway was clear.

And I had to tune in to KBUT to find out what the fuck was going on.

And you know what mood listening to KBUT gets me into.

I'm sorry, boss, but that's the way it came over the computer.

You know, I mean, we just have to get our updates faster, that's all.

Update my ass.

You fucked up, Mac, because you were fucking up.

The next time, you're fired.

Jeez, he's really riding leg man today.

I don't think this is the usual bull. Now, I get the feeling that you guys

think that I was playing games this past year.

I just got the word from our largest advertising company, Water, Melons, and

Rhymes, that unless the ratings are up by next week, kaput!

And if they pull out, that's your job.

At this point, I don't care what you do. I don't even want to listen to your

stupid ass nine ideas.

I don't care what you do to improve the rating.

I just want them up by the end of the week.

Now, I'm going to leave this room.

I'm going to let you guys think about what's going on.

And let this new crisis...

Sink in a bit.

And if the ratings aren't up by Friday, I'm not going to fire you

because there's not going to be a station to fire you from.

Understand?

grim pep talk this morning, wasn't it?

Grim hell. That was a nuclear thief.

I've never seen him that upset.

Ted Rimes was in this morning.

Yeah, but he's here once a month with the same speech.

Yeah, but this time he thinks he really means it.

Rimes is so pissed. He wants Connors to bleed before the station goes under.

That sounds bad.

So what are we going to do?

Actually, I got an idea.

The way I look at it, we're all going to be out of a job by the end of next week

anyway, right?

It's a fair assessment of the situation.

So why don't we just blow it off? I mean, go out with a bang.

Why even try?

Everything we've done this past year has failed anyway.

Well, Tasty, you know you got a point, but I must ask you, what the hell are

getting at?

Let's just do everything we've always wanted to do.

Like, I've always wanted to answer real sexy letters over the air.

I've got this hot porn record that will blow every circuit in the FCC's ass.

Yeah, and we could sell ads for sex toys, dildos, things like that, and then

wouldn't need Judd Ryan.

And sexy stories.

Like I've always wanted to tell the filthiest, nastiest, sexiest story ever

on the air. Or give sexual advice like Dr. Ruth Goldheimer does.

Fuck the traffic. We can give updates on traffic in whorehouses and

streetwalkers. And advice on where the vice cops aren't. To hell with the

letters. Let's take live sex calls over the air.

Seriously, guys.

We've got to start thinking of some real ideas.

I am serious.

Just look at it this way. As far as I'm concerned, we're doomed.

Nothing's going to work.

But just suppose the sex stuff, which people are going to listen to, does up

rating. Then we'd have done it, right?

We'd have done the impossible.

Hey, Tasty, we could do a simulcast with cable TV or the old...

Hot rock videos you did with your group, the sex sets? Yeah, that'd be great.

I don't know about this.

What have we got to lose?

A job.

And our jobs are already down the toilet anyway, right?

So what are we waiting for?

Let's do it.

Let's go. All right.

I thought you had a date or something.

I ain't gonna miss this. Besides, I don't think you're gonna last a day, let

alone a week.

What a good point there.

Hello, all you sexy listeners out there.

This is Tasty Tastings with an all -new, all -sex call -in program called Tasty

Strings.

If you'd like to call in and just talk about a sexual fantasy or any kind of

sexual problem, or even if you'd like to just get off over the airway, call us

right now at 306 -3508, and we'll answer that call for you. But right now,

here's a little message from Dodger Ewan.

Oh, it's Dodger.

Thanks, Tasty. I'm almost creaming in my jeans right now just listening to that

sexy voice of yours.

Now, for all you guys out there who might have an occasional problem getting

up, here's a new product just for you. It's called Peter Popper.

It's a rub -on gel that gets that lovemaking tool hard as a rock. It's

through Dodger in care of KNUT for only, and this is the good part, for the low,

low price of only 50 bucks.

That's right.

Evelyn, send in Creamy.

That was wonderful, Dodger. You know, I could have used that the other night.

You mean you couldn't get it up?

No, no, silly.

My date couldn't get it up. If I had some of that Peter Popper, well, I

be as frustrated as I am right now.

Well, Tasty, it just so happens that I have a sample bottle right here. Come

back here and rub my shoulders.

Are you listening to the radio?

Hell no.

Turn that thing off.

I can't stand listening to that crap going on around here.

Aren't you going to do anything about it?

I am.

I am.

Turn it off.

Yeah,

that feels good.

Gary.

What? About this job you gave me.

Yeah? What am I supposed to be doing?

You are an advertising rep.

But the only thing I've done is massage your shoulders and go out to dinner with

you. I haven't even met any of your clients.

Exactly. That's what an advertising rep does.

Now, how about coming around and massaging a real stiff joint?

Creamy.

Oh cream.

I love you.

Thank you.

oh yeah oh yeah oh

yeah

call on the air.

Hello, this is Tasty Tasters. Go ahead.

Hi, Tasty.

This is Sherry from Bakersfield.

This is, like, really exciting because my boyfriend and I are in bed right now,

nude.

We've got this problem.

No problem with sex, just the fun stuff.

Yeah. We saw this movie, Last Tango in Paris.

You know, the one with Marlon Brando and Marie Schneider in it.

And that incredible

Butter, see.

Ever since we saw that, we've been wanting to do it Greek style.

But it hurts.

Can you help us?

We've tried everything.

Butter, margarine, even vegetable oil.

And every time my boyfriend, Max, tries to put his dick in my asshole, it still

hurts. I can help you out there. I've done it many times.

First of all, forget the butter.

Max keeps that by the bed.

Then find yourself a variety of dildos. We keep those by the bed, too.

Start with the smallest and work your way up to Max's jersey.

Now, I'm sure you and Max want a little time to try this out on your own. So

I'll give you some nice, hot music to do anal by.

Called Back Door Annie by Incest in the Cream Cheese, a hot new group from

Jersey.

So good.

You like that?

Oh, yes. Oh, you're such an animal.

All right. Are we moving on to the other side?

Sounds like you know what you're doing already.

Oh, yes.

That's tight.

You like that, huh?

Here it goes.

You want a bigger one now, Carrie? Yes.

Ready for the big one? I'm ready.

Okay, try a bigger one.

Yes, a big one.

You better be ready for this.

Oh, God, I know.

Oh, God, all I've been feeling.

There you go, Sherry. Oh, God, I want the real thing.

And it's ticking my ass.

No, I want the real thing.

I want the real thing. I want your dick in my asshole.

You okay?

Yeah.

Huh?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh, you're all right. I'm real tight.

Oh, that feels so good.

Oh, got it now, baby.

Oh.

Oh, God, I think I've got... Oh,

don't move. Stay there.

And that's all the time we have for Tasty's tricks right now.

But next is the sports with Leg Man Mac.

In the world of golf, Fuzzball Zola won the U .S. Open for the third time in a

row.

But it was that last green where he kissed his balls for luck, wrapped his

firmly around his putter, gave it a good stroke, and it went right into the hole

for the climax of the tournament.

Back to you, Tasty.

Thank you.

Thank you, Leg Man.

I wouldn't have thought Gary had the guts to put something like that on the

By the way, be prepared for the new Legman Mac news program, the Hooker

Report. It's a convention favorite.

No man with a hundred bucks in his pocket and an itch in his pants should

the streets without first knowing where the hookers are and the vice cops are.

KNUT will be bringing you an all -new, ultra -sexy bedtime hour program.

I don't know what's come over me.

I get so horny listening to this.

I've got to find somewhere.

And DJ Dick Clark will host another new program, a simulcast with X -rated

videos. Stay tuned for more on that coming soon.

But for now, some music to screw about.

What's got into you?

Haven't you heard?

Heard what?

Your DJ.

Uh, tomorrow.

I don't want to think about this anymore today.

I'm sure you haven't been listening today.

Hell no.

Good night.

And, uh, don't look so athletic.

Evelyn, what did you say? Nothing.

Nothing? Oh, he wasn't listening.

But I was.

You've got my back. You're so hot.

I'm just dying for a big hard cock.

Evelyn, not here, please. I'm in the conference room.

Get up here.

Go ahead, eat me.

I want to eat you.

Stick your driver in there.

With your hot cock.

This is Tasty Tastin' signing off for the evening.

To all you guys, keep it up.

To all you girls, keep it hot.

And coming up real soon, taking over the helm, is that fabulous Dr.

Fermento.

Well, hello out there in radio land.

It's a cool evening out there, so that means those bedrooms have better start

heating up. You know, all this new programming has kind of got me a little,

hot, you know.

I want you coming over to my house, and I'll help you cool down a little.

Well, that's a date, but this one's not for broadcast.

You got a deal?

I got a little note here that later on we are inviting Tasty's Fantasy Contest

winner, a delicious young girl by the name of Kathy Mitchell, to give her a

grand tour of the studio. But first we have a real treat for you, and a new

by a hauling ass is called Methods of Modern Sex.

Yeah!

Why is everyone asking me if I've been listening? Listening to what?

That.

What is that?

That station.

My station?

Oh, it's so wonderful, darling.

That cheap shit that's coming from K -N -U -T?

Look, it's a dial.

gunned down.

Where are those goddamn shells?

Oh, there aren't any, and you're not going anywhere tonight.

I'm moved.

Totally moved.

Oh, I think it's neat.

Neat? You think it's neat when the FCC is going to pull my

license when Ryan pulls his ad?

I've got this in the morning.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I'm going to be so...

It's a good thing that the winner of the Tasty Fantasy Contest is here right

now. And that's little Kathy Mitchell.

She's a young and very sexy, sexy lady that has always fantasized about being

with a DJ.

And we're going to be doing that right now. And Kathy, why don't you say hi

out there to Radioland?

Hi, everybody. I'm like, oh, this is like totally awesome. I'm like so...

So inside it, in fact, that the doctor thinks the girl's got a fever.

She's running a temperature.

But there's a cure for this girl that I'm going to give her, and it's going to

be my famous meat injection with lots of protein.

So we're going to have for you tonight an hour of commercial -free music.

That's what I said. That's right, an hour of commercial -free music where I

out Tasty's Fantasy Girl. Woo -hoo!

Yeah!

And that's all for them folks out there. Not for you, girl.

Totally awesome.

Oh, yeah.

You know, Tasty's ought to have a contest a little more often. Don't

darling.

Oh,

yeah.

This is just what the doctor ordered.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Dr.

Pimentel, you want to see something, like, totally awesome?

Yeah, why not?

Where'd my dick go, girl?

You swallowed that thing all the way down.

Really awesome.

The way you suck on my long voice.

You think I get my fantasy cured and yours too.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, that's perfect. Just like that.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

All the way down.

That thing just appeared.

Like it got a little big.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, my

God. This is like totally awesome.

I like have a DJ like totally eating me out. Like, whoa.

Come on, the doctor can't eat that way.

like that, but this ain't still.

can't even believe this.

You know, you know what, Dr.

Pimentel, I like a totally awesome idea.

Oh, oh yeah, oh, oh God, this is like...

The DJs can see me now.

Oh,

like the girls can just like see me now. They're like totally dark.

Oh, my God. Talk about a fantasy. Like, oh, this is totally awesome.

Oh, God. Your tongue is like, should be like in the holocaust.

Do it doggy style.

Oh, get at it.

Oh,

God,

this is like totally awesome.

You know, everybody wants...

I'm gonna come, baby. I'm gonna... Good doctor's gonna come for you and I'm

gonna give you a...

Just like that.

Totally good for the complexion. That's right.

Well,

here's to a new career.

What do you mean?

Well, I figure after today, that's it as far as career in radio is concerned.

Well, it was fun while it lasted, though.

Yeah. You've always really wanted to do something crazy like that.

What are you going to do now?

I thought I'd get those videos together for tomorrow night's simulcast.

Well, if there's anything at all like your radio ideas, they've got to be

I hope so.

Show me then.

Okay.

Well, you're a real cool actor with a long list to reach.

Screw it.

Well, there's only one thing I got to say about that.

What's that?

With a face like yours, you've got no business behind a microphone.

You ought to be in pictures.

Or television.

You know what I've always wanted to do?

What's that?

Make love to you.

Oh, I'm kind of glad you brought that up.

Why?

I've always wanted to make love to you, too.

Oh.

Let me give you a blowjob.

What do you mean that he doesn't know it?

Well, yesterday he was so upset he didn't even listen to the broadcast.

So he doesn't know.

I don't think so.

By God, by now he ought to have known it. I mean, his phone ought to have been

off the hook all night.

He knows.

What the fuck has been going on yesterday?

When I say try something, I meant within the FTC's rule.

I've been wanting to say this for a very, very long time.

You're all fired.

Gary, Gary, you son of a bitch.

Came from the golf course with this. You know what this is?

Chuck, why don't we step into my office? What I have to say goes for everyone.

The rating.

Gary, you're number one.

What? You were the hottest radio station in the market yesterday.

All right.

Hey, you know, I got some sexually oriented clients, you know, like the L.

Joe Lars, Mitchell Brothers, the Lansing Cinema Theater.

Think you can handle those for me? Yeah, we can handle them at our station.

Gary, that's what I like, a man with balls.

And I always thought you were a panty waist.

Hey, everybody back to work. We have a station to run.

I thought we were fired.

Oh, that.

I was only kidding.

You know what I always say?

Joke them if they can't take a fuck.

Let's go play golf, Gary. All right.

Yeah! All right!

Oh,

I can't believe it. That's great.

And we all lived happily ever after.