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1
00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:06,071
Dick, I am telling you,
you need a vest!
2
00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:07,572
I'm wearing a vest.
3
00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:10,108
Yeah, but it's wool.
You need Kevlar.
4
00:00:10,109 --> 00:00:12,010
I'm just going
to the office.
5
00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:15,113
Yeah. The office where you
work with your ex-fiancee.
6
00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:18,316
You remember her-- the
bitter woman who wants you dead.
7
00:00:18,317 --> 00:00:21,586
Oh, that. Oh, look, Mary's had
an entire night to sleep on it.
8
00:00:21,587 --> 00:00:23,588
Besides, deep down
she loves me.
9
00:00:23,589 --> 00:00:27,058
And I said I was sorry.
What more could she ask for?
10
00:00:27,059 --> 00:00:32,130
Ok. Dick, I am
practically a woman, Ok?
11
00:00:32,131 --> 00:00:34,098
I basically know
how women feel,
12
00:00:34,099 --> 00:00:37,402
and she's gonna want a
whole lot more than "I'm sorry."
13
00:00:37,403 --> 00:00:38,936
So you
have a choice.
14
00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:40,271
The vest or me.
15
00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:45,710
Oh, fine.
You carry my lunchbox.
16
00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:48,713
Don't bruise my banana.
17
00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:04,095
Clear!
18
00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:07,632
You see, Sally, there's
nothing to be concerned about.
19
00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,500
You've got to get--
20
00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:11,002
oh, my god!
21
00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,503
Mr. Potato man!
22
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:15,373
Who would
do such a thing?
23
00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,141
Hello, Dick.
Oh, Sally.
24
00:01:17,142 --> 00:01:18,643
How could you
do this?
25
00:01:18,644 --> 00:01:20,545
I was mad at you,
26
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,515
and I guess I took it out
on a perfectly innocent...
27
00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,116
plastic potato.
28
00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:27,352
Be glad
it wasn't your butt.
29
00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:31,222
Look, why can't you
just drop this?
30
00:01:31,223 --> 00:01:35,226
Fine. I got engaged to you and
didn't tell you I had a wife.
31
00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:36,728
I said I was sorry.
32
00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:38,229
It made me feel terrible,
33
00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,632
but I've stopped
beating myself up about it.
34
00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:43,067
Well, that makes
one of you.
35
00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,569
It's Ok, Nina.
Nothing to worry about.
36
00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:46,538
I'm over it.
I'm an adult.
37
00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:47,973
I'm moving on.
38
00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,874
In fact, Sally,
I'm glad you're here.
39
00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:52,677
I have my yoga class
tonight and Judith can't make it.
40
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:54,712
I have a groin pull.
41
00:01:54,713 --> 00:01:57,615
I'd love for you
to join me.
42
00:01:57,616 --> 00:01:59,250
Why?
43
00:01:59,251 --> 00:02:00,752
Because I'm an adult,
44
00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,121
and what Dick did does
not affect our friendship.
45
00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,357
Don and I are going to the
Rutherford renaissance fair tonight.
46
00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,557
Oh, no, you're not.
47
00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:08,559
You're canceling your
plans and going with Mary.
48
00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,195
There's no way
I'm gonna do--
49
00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:10,995
fine!
50
00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,330
Thank you.
51
00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:14,098
[Blows raspberry]
52
00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:16,834
There, you see?
I can be an adult, too.
53
00:02:16,835 --> 00:02:18,269
I'm sure you can.
54
00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:21,672
That's why I'm going to
continue to allow you to use my office.
55
00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:23,441
Your office?
It's our office.
56
00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:24,842
Check the door, Dick!
57
00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:26,244
It's my office!
58
00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:28,413
Always was,
always will be!
59
00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:32,250
[Calm voice] But I say
that just to let you know.
60
00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,852
I don't stress it.
I just gloss over it.
61
00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:37,122
See? Adult.
62
00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:44,596
Nina, I want my name
painted on this door,
63
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:49,200
and I want it twice the size
of hers-- 3 times the size!
64
00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:52,269
I'm going to be the biggest
adult in this whole stupid office!
65
00:03:33,145 --> 00:03:34,145
Solomon!
66
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:36,180
You got a guitar,
right?
67
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,014
No.
68
00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:38,416
Yes, you do.
69
00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:40,118
Tommy: no, not really.
You any good?
70
00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,919
Yes, you are.
71
00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,287
We're forming
a new band.
72
00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,789
A new band?
73
00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:47,291
Well, what happened
to state of contusion?
74
00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,793
Creative differences.
75
00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:50,728
Now we're
whiskey kitten.
76
00:03:50,729 --> 00:03:53,130
And you're
our lead guitarist.
77
00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:55,333
I've always wanted
to date a guy in a band.
78
00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:58,469
And that's exactly why
I'm joining this band.
79
00:03:58,470 --> 00:03:59,937
That's the spirit,
Solomon.
80
00:03:59,938 --> 00:04:03,340
Rehearsal tonight.
Your place.
81
00:04:03,341 --> 00:04:05,943
[Strums electric guitar]
82
00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:11,248
Can I be your roadie?
83
00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:12,650
Can I?
84
00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:15,052
So you want to lug around
heavy equipment for us
85
00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:16,487
while we treat you
like dirt?
86
00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:18,456
Yeah.
87
00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:22,494
Plus I get my pick of
the less attractive women.
88
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,828
[Jangling]
89
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,665
[Jangling]
90
00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:29,066
Sally!
91
00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,568
Shall we go, milady?
92
00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,837
I'm sorry, Don, I'm
running late for something!
93
00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:35,206
I'll call you later.
Bye-Bye!
94
00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:37,341
Don't forget
to tell Mary
95
00:04:37,342 --> 00:04:40,011
that I'm roller-skating
with supermodels!
96
00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:41,879
What the hell
was that?
97
00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,916
She just made me look
like a complete jackass.
98
00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:48,753
Ah...
99
00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:50,688
women.
100
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:51,956
I hear you, my friend.
101
00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:52,857
A woman may say
102
00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:54,726
that she wants a man
to be obedient and nice,
103
00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,093
but does she
really want that?
104
00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,162
Yes, she does.
105
00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,297
No, she doesn't,
106
00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,332
because then she'll
just walk all over you.
107
00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,468
Amen to that, my friend.
108
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,969
Women are maddening.
109
00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,971
They pretend
to be so adult,
110
00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,439
but just like that,
111
00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,509
they'll sink all the way down to your level.
112
00:05:13,411 --> 00:05:14,745
Tell me, my friend,
113
00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:16,514
is that fair?
114
00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:17,781
Yes, it is.
115
00:05:17,782 --> 00:05:19,283
No, it's not.
116
00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:22,286
Let me ask you something,
my friend.
117
00:05:22,287 --> 00:05:24,489
Do you want Sally
to want you more than ever?
118
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,056
No, he doesn't.
119
00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,124
Yes, I do.
120
00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,493
This just
isn't my day.
121
00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:31,996
Then you've got
to show her who's boss.
122
00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:33,497
Lay down the law.
123
00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:35,132
You think?
I know.
124
00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,400
Be firm, my friend.
125
00:05:36,401 --> 00:05:37,501
Power!
126
00:05:37,502 --> 00:05:40,471
It's the only language
women understand.
127
00:05:40,472 --> 00:05:43,074
You show Sally who
wears the pants, my friend.
128
00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:45,409
That's the way.
129
00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:48,145
Thank you, my friends.
130
00:05:48,146 --> 00:05:49,513
You're right!
131
00:05:49,514 --> 00:05:51,449
I wear the pants!
132
00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,990
And inhale...
133
00:05:59,991 --> 00:06:02,193
and exhale.
134
00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,762
Isn't this
great exercise?
135
00:06:04,763 --> 00:06:07,465
Yeah. I haven't had
this hard a workout
136
00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:10,601
since the last time
I went breathing.
137
00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:14,004
Well, that's it, everybody.
Thanks for coming.
138
00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,543
Doesn't it make you
feel taller?
139
00:06:21,446 --> 00:06:24,815
Oh, god. I knew that
dweeb was lookin' over here.
140
00:06:24,816 --> 00:06:26,817
Here comes
the old pickup.
141
00:06:26,818 --> 00:06:27,885
Excuse me.
142
00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:28,852
Yeah.
143
00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:30,487
I hope this
isn't being rude--
144
00:06:30,488 --> 00:06:32,389
just get it over with.
145
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,392
I was just wondering,
is your friend attached?
146
00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,828
Look, I'm not--
147
00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:41,833
her?
148
00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,636
Mm-hmm. Could I interest you in some coffee?
149
00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,203
Oh, no, thank you.
150
00:06:46,204 --> 00:06:49,974
I'm sorry,
but did you see me?
151
00:06:49,975 --> 00:06:52,677
Yes, yes. And you did
just fine for a beginner.
152
00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:54,178
Are you sure?
153
00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,947
Oh, positive.
154
00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,114
Thanks.
155
00:06:57,115 --> 00:07:00,117
Well--look at me.
156
00:07:00,118 --> 00:07:01,186
[Squeaky voice]
Me!
157
00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:08,559
Dr. Albright!
Dr. Albright!
158
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,461
You got something
from the white house!
159
00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:12,129
Open it!
What?!
160
00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,364
Open it!
161
00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:14,798
"Dear Dr. Mary Albright,
162
00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,800
"in recognition
of your achievements
163
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:19,303
"in the field of
undergraduate education,
164
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:21,805
"you are hereby invited
to the president's dinner
165
00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:23,708
honoring
academic excellence."
166
00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:26,210
Oh, my god.
167
00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:27,711
"Enclosed itinerary..."
168
00:07:27,712 --> 00:07:28,712
blah, blah, blah...
169
00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:30,214
"cherry tree inn
on the Potomac.
170
00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,715
"Looking forward
to meeting you,
171
00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:34,218
"sincerely,
bill and Hillary rodham--
172
00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:35,653
potato head."
173
00:07:37,555 --> 00:07:40,424
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
174
00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:43,628
Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
175
00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:46,930
Very funny.
176
00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,265
I'm sorry!
177
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:50,001
I'm sorry!
I just had to!
178
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,669
Ha ha ha ha ha!
179
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,470
This was stupid
and childish.
180
00:07:53,471 --> 00:07:56,240
I know. But we're
even now, right?
181
00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:57,608
Oh, yeah.
Live that fantasy.
182
00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:59,610
Did you see the part
about the cherry--
183
00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:02,112
I got a work order
to paint the door.
184
00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,614
Ohh! Oh, yes. Right.
185
00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:05,115
Yeah, right here.
186
00:08:05,116 --> 00:08:06,517
Right over this name.
187
00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:08,118
And bigger! And bolder!
188
00:08:08,119 --> 00:08:10,120
So when one
approaches the door,
189
00:08:10,121 --> 00:08:12,623
a mere glance will
establish just who's who...
190
00:08:12,624 --> 00:08:14,659
in this office.
191
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,194
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
192
00:08:17,195 --> 00:08:20,497
Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo!
193
00:08:20,498 --> 00:08:22,733
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no. No.
194
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:24,669
Oh, he'd be very upset.
195
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,170
Oh ho ho.
196
00:08:26,171 --> 00:08:27,672
This says "Dick Solomon."
197
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,674
He gets that a lot.
198
00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,175
It's Dick...
199
00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:34,578
s-a-l-m-o-N.
200
00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,882
Salmon.
201
00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:41,585
You know, like the big, pink, stinky fish.
202
00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,253
[Band playing]
203
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:52,396
All right,
204
00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,797
let's rock.
205
00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:55,900
Drummer:
1, 2, 3, 4!
206
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,808
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
What are you doing?
207
00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:06,210
Playing.
208
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:08,579
Come on, man.
We're a speed metal band.
209
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,881
No, we're not.
We're a def metal band.
210
00:09:10,882 --> 00:09:13,617
It's not about labels, Ok?
It's about the music.
211
00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:15,886
About that music, um,
how many songs do we have?
212
00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:17,154
Just the one.
213
00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:18,589
We need
more than one song.
214
00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:20,191
This isn't about
counting songs, Solomon.
215
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,825
This is about the music.
216
00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:23,160
Well, as far as
I'm concerned,
217
00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,661
it's about
impressing August,
218
00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:26,497
and one song
ain't gonna cut it.
219
00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:28,466
Hey, man, if you're true to the music,
220
00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,067
women,
they can sense it.
221
00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:33,871
Well, if the women can count, we're screwed.
222
00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:35,006
Let's rock.
223
00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:45,216
♪ One mo'! ♪
224
00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:46,584
♪ One mo'! ♪
225
00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,686
Whooooo!
226
00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,755
Ooooohhh!
227
00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,590
♪ One mo'! ♪
228
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,228
I'm sorry.
229
00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,366
Matthew?
230
00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,236
Hey, Matthew?
231
00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:08,039
Matthew!
232
00:10:09,674 --> 00:10:10,775
Yes.
233
00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,444
You--you look
really nice today.
234
00:10:15,046 --> 00:10:17,348
Is there a problem?
'Cause I'm really busy.
235
00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:20,984
Yeah. I think
I pulled my butt muscle!
236
00:10:20,985 --> 00:10:24,622
Let me see if I can go
run down a nurse for you.
237
00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,623
[Door closes]
238
00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:26,591
Damn!
239
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:32,529
Hi. Are you from
the Swedish motor place?
240
00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,364
[Spanish accent]
Sí. I am Swedish.
241
00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:39,269
Yeah. It's the red Volvo,
um, over there.
242
00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:42,740
When I change gears,
it makes a grinding noise.
243
00:10:42,741 --> 00:10:44,241
Is a grinding?
244
00:10:44,242 --> 00:10:46,109
Yes!
Is a grinding.
245
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,980
Ah! Recognition
at last.
246
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:52,583
Now all who pass through the
hallowed gates of huff hall
247
00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:55,052
will know that this office is occupied
248
00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:58,156
by Dr. Dick salmon.
249
00:11:08,499 --> 00:11:12,302
Cuando el car
changes las gears,
250
00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:13,437
uh, no es bueno.
251
00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:14,805
Uh, it makes A...
252
00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:16,540
rrrrrrrr!
253
00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:17,742
Rrrrrrrr!
254
00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,209
Yes. Rrrrrrr!
255
00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,511
Rrrrrrr!
256
00:11:21,512 --> 00:11:22,379
What?
257
00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:23,347
Allow me, Mary.
258
00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:25,015
Con permiso, señor.
259
00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:27,518
La palanca Del carro
De la señora
260
00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,520
salta cuando
hace el cambio.
261
00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:31,822
Oh, Sí, Sí.
262
00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,358
Tambien, quiere
Que Le instale
263
00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:36,360
Un equipo en stereo
264
00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:37,861
De doscientos matios
265
00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:39,363
con esos palantes gigantes
266
00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,365
en la parte De atras.
267
00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,900
Ah! No hay problema.
268
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,068
Oh, great.
269
00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,736
Y...por favor,
270
00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:47,137
a Los costados,
271
00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:50,040
pinte llamas
De color naranja encendido.
272
00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,476
Eso SERá muy Caro.
273
00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,977
Oh, no hay problema.
274
00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,979
Ella Esta llena De dinero.
275
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:57,981
¡Bueno, bueno!
276
00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:59,750
Thank you very much,
Dick.
277
00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:01,451
No problema.
278
00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:06,089
The time has come
to lay down the law.
279
00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:10,093
If you're not ready to
give this relationship 110%...
280
00:12:10,094 --> 00:12:14,097
then maybe we should
start seeing other people.
281
00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:17,000
Don! I can't believe
you're saying this.
282
00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,468
Well, I am.
283
00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:21,371
If it turns out there's
somebody that we want,
284
00:12:21,372 --> 00:12:23,840
we should be free
to just move on.
285
00:12:23,841 --> 00:12:26,543
Don, it's like
you can read my mind!
286
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:28,345
It is?
287
00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:31,248
Yeah. You see, there's
this guy I met--Matthew--
288
00:12:31,249 --> 00:12:33,985
and I gotta level with you.
I want him bad!
289
00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,220
You do?
290
00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,522
Well...
291
00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,722
good.
292
00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:41,591
No need wasting precious
seconds pining over Don.
293
00:12:41,592 --> 00:12:42,859
Exactly!
294
00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,462
Oh, Don, you really
understand me.
295
00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:47,364
I mean,
you know what I need
296
00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:49,366
and you tell me
to go for it.
297
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,867
It's like...
298
00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:53,804
you're the best friend
a gal like me could have.
299
00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:55,972
Sally, would you
do me a favor?
300
00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:56,973
Absolutely.
301
00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:59,042
Hold on to my gun.
302
00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:05,749
[Band playing loudly]
303
00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,117
[Music drowns out
conversation]
304
00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:09,019
Get me some parsley!
305
00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:13,056
No. Parsley!
306
00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,028
No, not pepper!
Parsley!
307
00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,395
This is pepper!
308
00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:19,764
Pepper!
Parsley!
309
00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,269
Turn it down!
310
00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,770
[Turns amplifier off]
311
00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:30,140
This rock and roll
music has got to stop!
312
00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,341
Why?
313
00:13:31,342 --> 00:13:32,643
Because it's loud!
314
00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,044
And rhythmic!
315
00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:36,013
And rhythm
can lead to dancing.
316
00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:39,016
Rock and roll music
preaches a gospel
317
00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:41,451
of easy sexuality
and relaxed morality,
318
00:13:41,452 --> 00:13:43,988
and I will not
endorse an enterprise
319
00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,123
which is
as fraught with peril
320
00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:49,126
as I believe
this one to be!
321
00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:56,133
So, you resent us
for being young
322
00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,635
and living in a world
full of carnal possibilities
323
00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,404
which you can't
possibly enjoy.
324
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,374
Yes!
325
00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,342
Now knock it off!
326
00:14:05,343 --> 00:14:07,778
Ah, don't listen
to him, boys.
327
00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:09,846
I love rock and roll.
328
00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:13,150
I used to be a groupie
for the Kingston trio.
329
00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:15,652
Ok. I'm sorry, but
you're going to have to go.
330
00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:18,188
I had an all-access pass.
331
00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:21,191
As a matter of fact,
so did they.
332
00:14:21,192 --> 00:14:22,726
All right, we get it.
333
00:14:25,963 --> 00:14:29,566
Dr. Solomon, come on,
enough with the practical jokes.
334
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:32,436
But, Nina, there's nothing
practical about this joke.
335
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:35,906
It's an utterly pointless,
hurtful, and asinine waste of time.
336
00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:36,941
[Giggles]
337
00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,809
You sure you don't
want this furniture?
338
00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:39,843
Absolutely not.
339
00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:42,747
As a student of
the ancient Chinese art
340
00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,248
of feng shui,
341
00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:47,251
I can assure you that the
spiritual harmony of this room
342
00:14:47,252 --> 00:14:49,553
was upset by having
that bitch sitting there.
343
00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:52,456
[Giggling]
344
00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:55,459
Thanks for coming over
on such short notice, Don.
345
00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,328
I knew you'd call, Sally.
It was just a matter of time.
346
00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:00,263
I need you, Don.
I need you bad.
347
00:15:00,264 --> 00:15:01,632
Well, you're lucky
I was available.
348
00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:05,268
You know, I got a lot
on my plate right now.
349
00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:08,271
You know,
my--My lady plate.
350
00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,341
Listen, you can
do something for me
351
00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,175
that nobody else
can do.
352
00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:14,277
I know I can, baby.
353
00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:17,781
But if you expect me to
come crawling back to you now,
354
00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:19,282
you got
another think coming.
355
00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:21,151
Oh, no, I don't
want that at all.
356
00:15:21,152 --> 00:15:24,755
Are you sure? 'Cause I can
crawl like a bat out of hell.
357
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:25,889
Oh, no.
358
00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,758
Thanks, sweetie,
but what I need from you
359
00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,259
is a background check
on Matthew.
360
00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:30,761
Who is he?
What are his weaknesses?
361
00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:32,729
How can I cut him out of
the herd and bring him down?
362
00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:36,233
Why bother when you have
a sick, hobbled wildebeest
363
00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,201
right in
your own front yard?
364
00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:42,139
[Rhythmic banging]
365
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,074
Hey, Tommy.
366
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:44,908
How's the band?
367
00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:48,079
Well, uh, we've avoided
the trap of over-rehearsing,
368
00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,715
which can be a problem, you know
, when you've only got one song.
369
00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,917
I wrote a song.
370
00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,352
Did you?
371
00:15:55,353 --> 00:16:01,058
[Singing badly] ♪
Picture window paints my mind ♪
372
00:16:03,127 --> 00:16:11,335
♪ black horizon's
valentine ♪
373
00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:15,138
rock and roll, baby!
374
00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:25,883
Mary.
375
00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,786
Dick.
376
00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:32,656
Your desk was gone
when I got here.
377
00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,958
I believe you.
378
00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,994
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
379
00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,495
It was me!
380
00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:40,998
I had them
take away your desk! Me!
381
00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,533
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
382
00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:43,767
This has got to stop.
383
00:16:43,768 --> 00:16:46,570
Oh, you just want to quit
'cause you can't win.
384
00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:48,638
Oh, my poor defeated Mary.
385
00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:50,106
You're just outmatched,
that's all.
386
00:16:50,107 --> 00:16:52,443
But it takes
a big woman to admit that.
387
00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:54,912
And just to show
there are no hard feelings,
388
00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:56,046
I'm going to--
389
00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:04,221
my arm is stuck.
390
00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,357
That's strange.
So is this one.
391
00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:10,560
It's almost as if
there was glue on my desk.
392
00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:11,962
Dick,
don't be ridiculous.
393
00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:13,763
It couldn't be glue.
394
00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:16,900
It must be thermal bond
epoxy.
395
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:17,901
No!
396
00:17:17,902 --> 00:17:20,237
Uhhhh!
397
00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:21,371
Uhh!
398
00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:22,606
Ohh!
399
00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,744
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
400
00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:29,380
Mistake.
401
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,814
Huge mistake.
402
00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:32,883
Oh, thanks.
403
00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:35,185
Oh, wait a second.
404
00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:36,654
That's better.
405
00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,327
Ohh!
406
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,328
You came!
407
00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,429
How could I refuse?
408
00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,231
Well, what was it
that convinced you?
409
00:17:48,232 --> 00:17:50,501
The flowers?
The radio dedications?
410
00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,202
The skywriting?
411
00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:54,170
You hired
a skywriter.
412
00:17:54,171 --> 00:17:55,873
Well, he was more
of a crop duster,
413
00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:59,576
but he wrote "Sally" over your
house with diopropylene, so...
414
00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:01,345
that explains
the vomiting.
415
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:02,979
Yeah.
416
00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:04,347
Look, I've
got to tell you,
417
00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:06,517
I have never had
a woman work so hard
418
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,018
to get my attention.
419
00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:09,252
It's flattering.
420
00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:11,422
Meaning...you want
to go out with me?
421
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,355
Sure.
422
00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:14,792
Yes!
423
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:15,860
Ha!
424
00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,160
I got you.
425
00:18:17,161 --> 00:18:18,495
You got me.
426
00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:19,496
Ha!
427
00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:20,497
Ohh!
428
00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:22,666
[Laughs]
429
00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:30,040
Well, now what?
430
00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:34,811
Ok, I was thinking you
could start off in jeans,
431
00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:38,181
but then you could change into
vintage tuxedos between songs.
432
00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,083
Between songs?
433
00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:43,053
We only
have one song!
434
00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:46,790
Well, you could change
during the drum solo.
435
00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:48,892
The song problem
is over, Tommy.
436
00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:51,094
I wrote 4 new songs
last night.
437
00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:54,331
Excuse me, but since
when are you in this band?
438
00:18:54,332 --> 00:18:56,099
Tommy, tell them.
439
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,468
Tell them what?
You're not in the band.
440
00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,370
Well, if
that's how you feel,
441
00:19:00,371 --> 00:19:01,838
I quit the band.
442
00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:04,408
Well, maybe you should
rephrase that to acknowledge the fact
443
00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:08,545
that you were never in this
pathetic, non-performing band!
444
00:19:08,546 --> 00:19:10,080
You know, that is it,
Solomon.
445
00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:12,482
Your attitude is just
tearing this band apart.
446
00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,451
You're out of the band!
447
00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:16,319
I never wanted
to be in the band!
448
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,254
I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to go.
449
00:19:18,255 --> 00:19:19,255
What?
450
00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:20,757
Harry!
451
00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:23,494
We'll send you a t-shirt.
452
00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:29,600
When I look at you, I
wonder, what took me so long to--
453
00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:30,967
uh-huh.
454
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,870
I mean, you're beautiful, you're sexy.
455
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:34,838
Uh-huh.
456
00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:40,944
Uhhh! Uhhh!
457
00:19:40,945 --> 00:19:41,945
Ow!
458
00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:42,946
Yeow!
459
00:19:42,947 --> 00:19:44,114
Ow!
460
00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:46,449
Oh, Dick,
I'm so embarrassed.
461
00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,619
When we broke up,
I was so mad at you,
462
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:51,321
but now I've just made it
worse by acting like a child.
463
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:52,322
Truce?
464
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:53,456
Truce.
465
00:19:53,457 --> 00:19:56,426
Great. Now we can go back
to acting like adults.
466
00:19:56,427 --> 00:19:57,827
Yes, Mary.
467
00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:58,895
Adults.
468
00:19:58,896 --> 00:19:59,896
[Whimpering]
469
00:19:59,897 --> 00:20:02,399
[Music booming]
470
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,903
Mary, it appears your Volvo
is back from the shop.
471
00:20:06,904 --> 00:20:08,138
What?!
472
00:20:11,375 --> 00:20:12,976
Damn!
473
00:20:12,977 --> 00:20:16,112
Hee hee hee ha ha ha!
474
00:20:16,113 --> 00:20:18,214
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
475
00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:22,318
Women.
476
00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:23,319
Women.
477
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,821
Women.
478
00:20:24,822 --> 00:20:26,256
[High-pitched squeal] ♪ Women! ♪
479
00:20:29,126 --> 00:20:30,226
You can't live with 'em,
480
00:20:30,227 --> 00:20:34,164
and you can't have
heterosexual sex without 'em.
481
00:20:34,165 --> 00:20:36,600
That's probably true.
482
00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:39,936
Well, I'm outta here.
483
00:20:39,937 --> 00:20:42,506
When Sally shows up
with Mr. Yoga,
484
00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:45,341
I'm liable to go medieval
on his ass.
485
00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:46,910
Bye, Don.
486
00:20:48,746 --> 00:20:50,880
What can you do? You do
things your way, they're not happy.
487
00:20:50,881 --> 00:20:52,816
You do things their way,
they're still not happy.
488
00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:56,253
When are we gonna learn
you can't deal with women?
489
00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:59,890
The female feigns weakness
only to use it as a weapon.
490
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:02,693
It's like the
praying mantis. Yeah.
491
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:05,228
She acts so fragile
and willowy,
492
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:06,463
but when
the male approaches,
493
00:21:06,464 --> 00:21:09,299
she sprays poisonous mucus from her eyelids,
494
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,668
and he bursts
into flames.
495
00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:14,938
Praying mantises
don't do that.
496
00:21:16,073 --> 00:21:19,877
So what?
The analogy stands.
497
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,945
You can't negotiate
with them, Tommy.
498
00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:23,413
You gotta give
as good as you get.
499
00:21:23,414 --> 00:21:24,915
Now,
Mary found that out.
500
00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,416
Oh, yeah.
501
00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:27,818
The hard way.
502
00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:30,020
Why are there
office supplies
503
00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:33,957
stuck to the side
of your head?
504
00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:35,993
That's where
I keep them.
505
00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,499
1, 2, 3, 4!
506
00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:45,235
Women!
507
00:21:45,236 --> 00:21:48,571
Whoooo-hooo!
508
00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:54,844
Hey!
509
00:21:57,248 --> 00:21:59,249
What are you doing?!
510
00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,251
That's my dad's guitar!
511
00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:02,619
He's gonna kill me!
512
00:22:04,956 --> 00:22:07,490
I guess I'm gonna
have to go.
513
00:22:07,491 --> 00:22:10,427
Captioned by the national
captioning institute --www.ncicap.org--
34270
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