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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,569 --> 00:00:06,071 Dick, I am telling you, you need a vest! 2 00:00:06,072 --> 00:00:07,572 I'm wearing a vest. 3 00:00:07,573 --> 00:00:10,108 Yeah, but it's wool. You need Kevlar. 4 00:00:10,109 --> 00:00:12,010 I'm just going to the office. 5 00:00:12,011 --> 00:00:15,113 Yeah. The office where you work with your ex-fiancee. 6 00:00:15,114 --> 00:00:18,316 You remember her-- the bitter woman who wants you dead. 7 00:00:18,317 --> 00:00:21,586 Oh, that. Oh, look, Mary's had an entire night to sleep on it. 8 00:00:21,587 --> 00:00:23,588 Besides, deep down she loves me. 9 00:00:23,589 --> 00:00:27,058 And I said I was sorry. What more could she ask for? 10 00:00:27,059 --> 00:00:32,130 Ok. Dick, I am practically a woman, Ok? 11 00:00:32,131 --> 00:00:34,098 I basically know how women feel, 12 00:00:34,099 --> 00:00:37,402 and she's gonna want a whole lot more than "I'm sorry." 13 00:00:37,403 --> 00:00:38,936 So you have a choice. 14 00:00:38,937 --> 00:00:40,271 The vest or me. 15 00:00:41,808 --> 00:00:45,710 Oh, fine. You carry my lunchbox. 16 00:00:45,711 --> 00:00:48,713 Don't bruise my banana. 17 00:01:02,027 --> 00:01:04,095 Clear! 18 00:01:04,096 --> 00:01:07,632 You see, Sally, there's nothing to be concerned about. 19 00:01:07,633 --> 00:01:09,500 You've got to get-- 20 00:01:09,501 --> 00:01:11,002 oh, my god! 21 00:01:11,003 --> 00:01:12,503 Mr. Potato man! 22 00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:15,373 Who would do such a thing? 23 00:01:15,374 --> 00:01:17,141 Hello, Dick. Oh, Sally. 24 00:01:17,142 --> 00:01:18,643 How could you do this? 25 00:01:18,644 --> 00:01:20,545 I was mad at you, 26 00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,515 and I guess I took it out on a perfectly innocent... 27 00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:25,116 plastic potato. 28 00:01:25,117 --> 00:01:27,352 Be glad it wasn't your butt. 29 00:01:29,421 --> 00:01:31,222 Look, why can't you just drop this? 30 00:01:31,223 --> 00:01:35,226 Fine. I got engaged to you and didn't tell you I had a wife. 31 00:01:35,227 --> 00:01:36,728 I said I was sorry. 32 00:01:36,729 --> 00:01:38,229 It made me feel terrible, 33 00:01:38,230 --> 00:01:40,632 but I've stopped beating myself up about it. 34 00:01:40,633 --> 00:01:43,067 Well, that makes one of you. 35 00:01:43,068 --> 00:01:44,569 It's Ok, Nina. Nothing to worry about. 36 00:01:44,570 --> 00:01:46,538 I'm over it. I'm an adult. 37 00:01:46,539 --> 00:01:47,973 I'm moving on. 38 00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:49,874 In fact, Sally, I'm glad you're here. 39 00:01:49,875 --> 00:01:52,677 I have my yoga class tonight and Judith can't make it. 40 00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:54,712 I have a groin pull. 41 00:01:54,713 --> 00:01:57,615 I'd love for you to join me. 42 00:01:57,616 --> 00:01:59,250 Why? 43 00:01:59,251 --> 00:02:00,752 Because I'm an adult, 44 00:02:00,753 --> 00:02:03,121 and what Dick did does not affect our friendship. 45 00:02:03,122 --> 00:02:05,357 Don and I are going to the Rutherford renaissance fair tonight. 46 00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,557 Oh, no, you're not. 47 00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:08,559 You're canceling your plans and going with Mary. 48 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:10,195 There's no way I'm gonna do-- 49 00:02:10,196 --> 00:02:10,995 fine! 50 00:02:10,996 --> 00:02:12,330 Thank you. 51 00:02:12,331 --> 00:02:14,098 [Blows raspberry] 52 00:02:14,099 --> 00:02:16,834 There, you see? I can be an adult, too. 53 00:02:16,835 --> 00:02:18,269 I'm sure you can. 54 00:02:18,270 --> 00:02:21,672 That's why I'm going to continue to allow you to use my office. 55 00:02:21,673 --> 00:02:23,441 Your office? It's our office. 56 00:02:23,442 --> 00:02:24,842 Check the door, Dick! 57 00:02:24,843 --> 00:02:26,244 It's my office! 58 00:02:26,245 --> 00:02:28,413 Always was, always will be! 59 00:02:28,414 --> 00:02:32,250 [Calm voice] But I say that just to let you know. 60 00:02:32,251 --> 00:02:34,852 I don't stress it. I just gloss over it. 61 00:02:34,853 --> 00:02:37,122 See? Adult. 62 00:02:42,094 --> 00:02:44,596 Nina, I want my name painted on this door, 63 00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:49,200 and I want it twice the size of hers-- 3 times the size! 64 00:02:49,201 --> 00:02:52,269 I'm going to be the biggest adult in this whole stupid office! 65 00:03:33,145 --> 00:03:34,145 Solomon! 66 00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:36,180 You got a guitar, right? 67 00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:37,014 No. 68 00:03:37,015 --> 00:03:38,416 Yes, you do. 69 00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:40,118 Tommy: no, not really. You any good? 70 00:03:40,119 --> 00:03:41,919 Yes, you are. 71 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:43,287 We're forming a new band. 72 00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,789 A new band? 73 00:03:44,790 --> 00:03:47,291 Well, what happened to state of contusion? 74 00:03:47,292 --> 00:03:48,793 Creative differences. 75 00:03:48,794 --> 00:03:50,728 Now we're whiskey kitten. 76 00:03:50,729 --> 00:03:53,130 And you're our lead guitarist. 77 00:03:53,131 --> 00:03:55,333 I've always wanted to date a guy in a band. 78 00:03:55,334 --> 00:03:58,469 And that's exactly why I'm joining this band. 79 00:03:58,470 --> 00:03:59,937 That's the spirit, Solomon. 80 00:03:59,938 --> 00:04:03,340 Rehearsal tonight. Your place. 81 00:04:03,341 --> 00:04:05,943 [Strums electric guitar] 82 00:04:09,281 --> 00:04:11,248 Can I be your roadie? 83 00:04:11,249 --> 00:04:12,650 Can I? 84 00:04:12,651 --> 00:04:15,052 So you want to lug around heavy equipment for us 85 00:04:15,053 --> 00:04:16,487 while we treat you like dirt? 86 00:04:16,488 --> 00:04:18,456 Yeah. 87 00:04:18,457 --> 00:04:22,494 Plus I get my pick of the less attractive women. 88 00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:23,828 [Jangling] 89 00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,665 [Jangling] 90 00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:29,066 Sally! 91 00:04:29,067 --> 00:04:30,568 Shall we go, milady? 92 00:04:30,569 --> 00:04:32,837 I'm sorry, Don, I'm running late for something! 93 00:04:32,838 --> 00:04:35,206 I'll call you later. Bye-Bye! 94 00:04:35,207 --> 00:04:37,341 Don't forget to tell Mary 95 00:04:37,342 --> 00:04:40,011 that I'm roller-skating with supermodels! 96 00:04:40,012 --> 00:04:41,879 What the hell was that? 97 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:44,916 She just made me look like a complete jackass. 98 00:04:45,817 --> 00:04:48,753 Ah... 99 00:04:48,754 --> 00:04:50,688 women. 100 00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:51,956 I hear you, my friend. 101 00:04:51,957 --> 00:04:52,857 A woman may say 102 00:04:52,858 --> 00:04:54,726 that she wants a man to be obedient and nice, 103 00:04:54,727 --> 00:04:56,093 but does she really want that? 104 00:04:56,094 --> 00:04:58,162 Yes, she does. 105 00:04:58,163 --> 00:04:59,297 No, she doesn't, 106 00:04:59,298 --> 00:05:01,332 because then she'll just walk all over you. 107 00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:03,468 Amen to that, my friend. 108 00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,969 Women are maddening. 109 00:05:04,970 --> 00:05:06,971 They pretend to be so adult, 110 00:05:06,972 --> 00:05:08,439 but just like that, 111 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:11,509 they'll sink all the way down to your level. 112 00:05:13,411 --> 00:05:14,745 Tell me, my friend, 113 00:05:14,746 --> 00:05:16,514 is that fair? 114 00:05:16,515 --> 00:05:17,781 Yes, it is. 115 00:05:17,782 --> 00:05:19,283 No, it's not. 116 00:05:19,284 --> 00:05:22,286 Let me ask you something, my friend. 117 00:05:22,287 --> 00:05:24,489 Do you want Sally to want you more than ever? 118 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,056 No, he doesn't. 119 00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,124 Yes, I do. 120 00:05:27,125 --> 00:05:29,493 This just isn't my day. 121 00:05:29,494 --> 00:05:31,996 Then you've got to show her who's boss. 122 00:05:31,997 --> 00:05:33,497 Lay down the law. 123 00:05:33,498 --> 00:05:35,132 You think? I know. 124 00:05:35,133 --> 00:05:36,400 Be firm, my friend. 125 00:05:36,401 --> 00:05:37,501 Power! 126 00:05:37,502 --> 00:05:40,471 It's the only language women understand. 127 00:05:40,472 --> 00:05:43,074 You show Sally who wears the pants, my friend. 128 00:05:43,075 --> 00:05:45,409 That's the way. 129 00:05:45,410 --> 00:05:48,145 Thank you, my friends. 130 00:05:48,146 --> 00:05:49,513 You're right! 131 00:05:49,514 --> 00:05:51,449 I wear the pants! 132 00:05:57,556 --> 00:05:59,990 And inhale... 133 00:05:59,991 --> 00:06:02,193 and exhale. 134 00:06:03,295 --> 00:06:04,762 Isn't this great exercise? 135 00:06:04,763 --> 00:06:07,465 Yeah. I haven't had this hard a workout 136 00:06:07,466 --> 00:06:10,601 since the last time I went breathing. 137 00:06:10,602 --> 00:06:14,004 Well, that's it, everybody. Thanks for coming. 138 00:06:15,474 --> 00:06:18,543 Doesn't it make you feel taller? 139 00:06:21,446 --> 00:06:24,815 Oh, god. I knew that dweeb was lookin' over here. 140 00:06:24,816 --> 00:06:26,817 Here comes the old pickup. 141 00:06:26,818 --> 00:06:27,885 Excuse me. 142 00:06:27,886 --> 00:06:28,852 Yeah. 143 00:06:28,853 --> 00:06:30,487 I hope this isn't being rude-- 144 00:06:30,488 --> 00:06:32,389 just get it over with. 145 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:35,392 I was just wondering, is your friend attached? 146 00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:36,828 Look, I'm not-- 147 00:06:40,131 --> 00:06:41,833 her? 148 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,636 Mm-hmm. Could I interest you in some coffee? 149 00:06:44,637 --> 00:06:46,203 Oh, no, thank you. 150 00:06:46,204 --> 00:06:49,974 I'm sorry, but did you see me? 151 00:06:49,975 --> 00:06:52,677 Yes, yes. And you did just fine for a beginner. 152 00:06:52,678 --> 00:06:54,178 Are you sure? 153 00:06:54,179 --> 00:06:55,947 Oh, positive. 154 00:06:55,948 --> 00:06:57,114 Thanks. 155 00:06:57,115 --> 00:07:00,117 Well--look at me. 156 00:07:00,118 --> 00:07:01,186 [Squeaky voice] Me! 157 00:07:05,457 --> 00:07:08,559 Dr. Albright! Dr. Albright! 158 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:10,461 You got something from the white house! 159 00:07:10,462 --> 00:07:12,129 Open it! What?! 160 00:07:12,130 --> 00:07:13,364 Open it! 161 00:07:13,365 --> 00:07:14,798 "Dear Dr. Mary Albright, 162 00:07:14,799 --> 00:07:16,800 "in recognition of your achievements 163 00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:19,303 "in the field of undergraduate education, 164 00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:21,805 "you are hereby invited to the president's dinner 165 00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:23,708 honoring academic excellence." 166 00:07:25,243 --> 00:07:26,210 Oh, my god. 167 00:07:26,211 --> 00:07:27,711 "Enclosed itinerary..." 168 00:07:27,712 --> 00:07:28,712 blah, blah, blah... 169 00:07:28,713 --> 00:07:30,214 "cherry tree inn on the Potomac. 170 00:07:30,215 --> 00:07:31,715 "Looking forward to meeting you, 171 00:07:31,716 --> 00:07:34,218 "sincerely, bill and Hillary rodham-- 172 00:07:34,219 --> 00:07:35,653 potato head." 173 00:07:37,555 --> 00:07:40,424 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 174 00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:43,628 Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 175 00:07:45,764 --> 00:07:46,930 Very funny. 176 00:07:46,931 --> 00:07:48,265 I'm sorry! 177 00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:50,001 I'm sorry! I just had to! 178 00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,669 Ha ha ha ha ha! 179 00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:53,470 This was stupid and childish. 180 00:07:53,471 --> 00:07:56,240 I know. But we're even now, right? 181 00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:57,608 Oh, yeah. Live that fantasy. 182 00:07:57,609 --> 00:07:59,610 Did you see the part about the cherry-- 183 00:07:59,611 --> 00:08:02,112 I got a work order to paint the door. 184 00:08:02,113 --> 00:08:03,614 Ohh! Oh, yes. Right. 185 00:08:03,615 --> 00:08:05,115 Yeah, right here. 186 00:08:05,116 --> 00:08:06,517 Right over this name. 187 00:08:06,518 --> 00:08:08,118 And bigger! And bolder! 188 00:08:08,119 --> 00:08:10,120 So when one approaches the door, 189 00:08:10,121 --> 00:08:12,623 a mere glance will establish just who's who... 190 00:08:12,624 --> 00:08:14,659 in this office. 191 00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:17,194 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 192 00:08:17,195 --> 00:08:20,497 Ooh hoo hoo hoo hoo! 193 00:08:20,498 --> 00:08:22,733 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No. 194 00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:24,669 Oh, he'd be very upset. 195 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:26,170 Oh ho ho. 196 00:08:26,171 --> 00:08:27,672 This says "Dick Solomon." 197 00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,674 He gets that a lot. 198 00:08:29,675 --> 00:08:31,175 It's Dick... 199 00:08:31,176 --> 00:08:34,578 s-a-l-m-o-N. 200 00:08:36,382 --> 00:08:37,882 Salmon. 201 00:08:37,883 --> 00:08:41,585 You know, like the big, pink, stinky fish. 202 00:08:41,586 --> 00:08:43,253 [Band playing] 203 00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:52,396 All right, 204 00:08:52,397 --> 00:08:53,797 let's rock. 205 00:08:53,798 --> 00:08:55,900 Drummer: 1, 2, 3, 4! 206 00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,808 Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? 207 00:09:04,809 --> 00:09:06,210 Playing. 208 00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:08,579 Come on, man. We're a speed metal band. 209 00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:10,881 No, we're not. We're a def metal band. 210 00:09:10,882 --> 00:09:13,617 It's not about labels, Ok? It's about the music. 211 00:09:13,618 --> 00:09:15,886 About that music, um, how many songs do we have? 212 00:09:15,887 --> 00:09:17,154 Just the one. 213 00:09:17,155 --> 00:09:18,589 We need more than one song. 214 00:09:18,590 --> 00:09:20,191 This isn't about counting songs, Solomon. 215 00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:21,825 This is about the music. 216 00:09:21,826 --> 00:09:23,160 Well, as far as I'm concerned, 217 00:09:23,161 --> 00:09:24,661 it's about impressing August, 218 00:09:24,662 --> 00:09:26,497 and one song ain't gonna cut it. 219 00:09:26,498 --> 00:09:28,466 Hey, man, if you're true to the music, 220 00:09:28,467 --> 00:09:30,067 women, they can sense it. 221 00:09:30,068 --> 00:09:33,871 Well, if the women can count, we're screwed. 222 00:09:33,872 --> 00:09:35,006 Let's rock. 223 00:09:42,414 --> 00:09:45,216 ♪ One mo'! ♪ 224 00:09:45,217 --> 00:09:46,584 ♪ One mo'! ♪ 225 00:09:46,585 --> 00:09:48,686 Whooooo! 226 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:50,755 Ooooohhh! 227 00:09:50,756 --> 00:09:52,590 ♪ One mo'! ♪ 228 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,228 I'm sorry. 229 00:10:01,233 --> 00:10:02,366 Matthew? 230 00:10:03,868 --> 00:10:05,236 Hey, Matthew? 231 00:10:06,505 --> 00:10:08,039 Matthew! 232 00:10:09,674 --> 00:10:10,775 Yes. 233 00:10:10,776 --> 00:10:13,444 You--you look really nice today. 234 00:10:15,046 --> 00:10:17,348 Is there a problem? 'Cause I'm really busy. 235 00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:20,984 Yeah. I think I pulled my butt muscle! 236 00:10:20,985 --> 00:10:24,622 Let me see if I can go run down a nurse for you. 237 00:10:24,623 --> 00:10:25,623 [Door closes] 238 00:10:25,624 --> 00:10:26,591 Damn! 239 00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:32,529 Hi. Are you from the Swedish motor place? 240 00:10:32,530 --> 00:10:34,364 [Spanish accent] Sí. I am Swedish. 241 00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:39,269 Yeah. It's the red Volvo, um, over there. 242 00:10:39,270 --> 00:10:42,740 When I change gears, it makes a grinding noise. 243 00:10:42,741 --> 00:10:44,241 Is a grinding? 244 00:10:44,242 --> 00:10:46,109 Yes! Is a grinding. 245 00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:48,980 Ah! Recognition at last. 246 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:52,583 Now all who pass through the hallowed gates of huff hall 247 00:10:52,584 --> 00:10:55,052 will know that this office is occupied 248 00:10:55,053 --> 00:10:58,156 by Dr. Dick salmon. 249 00:11:08,499 --> 00:11:12,302 Cuando el car changes las gears, 250 00:11:12,303 --> 00:11:13,437 uh, no es bueno. 251 00:11:13,438 --> 00:11:14,805 Uh, it makes A... 252 00:11:14,806 --> 00:11:16,540 rrrrrrrr! 253 00:11:16,541 --> 00:11:17,742 Rrrrrrrr! 254 00:11:17,743 --> 00:11:19,209 Yes. Rrrrrrr! 255 00:11:19,210 --> 00:11:21,511 Rrrrrrr! 256 00:11:21,512 --> 00:11:22,379 What? 257 00:11:22,380 --> 00:11:23,347 Allow me, Mary. 258 00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:25,015 Con permiso, señor. 259 00:11:25,016 --> 00:11:27,518 La palanca Del carro De la señora 260 00:11:27,519 --> 00:11:29,520 salta cuando hace el cambio. 261 00:11:29,521 --> 00:11:31,822 Oh, Sí, Sí. 262 00:11:31,823 --> 00:11:34,358 Tambien, quiere Que Le instale 263 00:11:34,359 --> 00:11:36,360 Un equipo en stereo 264 00:11:36,361 --> 00:11:37,861 De doscientos matios 265 00:11:37,862 --> 00:11:39,363 con esos palantes gigantes 266 00:11:39,364 --> 00:11:41,365 en la parte De atras. 267 00:11:41,366 --> 00:11:42,900 Ah! No hay problema. 268 00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:44,068 Oh, great. 269 00:11:44,069 --> 00:11:45,736 Y...por favor, 270 00:11:45,737 --> 00:11:47,137 a Los costados, 271 00:11:47,138 --> 00:11:50,040 pinte llamas De color naranja encendido. 272 00:11:50,041 --> 00:11:51,476 Eso SERá muy Caro. 273 00:11:51,477 --> 00:11:52,977 Oh, no hay problema. 274 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,979 Ella Esta llena De dinero. 275 00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:57,981 ¡Bueno, bueno! 276 00:11:57,982 --> 00:11:59,750 Thank you very much, Dick. 277 00:11:59,751 --> 00:12:01,451 No problema. 278 00:12:02,587 --> 00:12:06,089 The time has come to lay down the law. 279 00:12:06,090 --> 00:12:10,093 If you're not ready to give this relationship 110%... 280 00:12:10,094 --> 00:12:14,097 then maybe we should start seeing other people. 281 00:12:14,098 --> 00:12:17,000 Don! I can't believe you're saying this. 282 00:12:17,001 --> 00:12:18,468 Well, I am. 283 00:12:18,469 --> 00:12:21,371 If it turns out there's somebody that we want, 284 00:12:21,372 --> 00:12:23,840 we should be free to just move on. 285 00:12:23,841 --> 00:12:26,543 Don, it's like you can read my mind! 286 00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:28,345 It is? 287 00:12:28,346 --> 00:12:31,248 Yeah. You see, there's this guy I met--Matthew-- 288 00:12:31,249 --> 00:12:33,985 and I gotta level with you. I want him bad! 289 00:12:34,886 --> 00:12:36,220 You do? 290 00:12:36,221 --> 00:12:37,522 Well... 291 00:12:37,523 --> 00:12:38,722 good. 292 00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:41,591 No need wasting precious seconds pining over Don. 293 00:12:41,592 --> 00:12:42,859 Exactly! 294 00:12:42,860 --> 00:12:45,462 Oh, Don, you really understand me. 295 00:12:45,463 --> 00:12:47,364 I mean, you know what I need 296 00:12:47,365 --> 00:12:49,366 and you tell me to go for it. 297 00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,867 It's like... 298 00:12:50,868 --> 00:12:53,804 you're the best friend a gal like me could have. 299 00:12:53,805 --> 00:12:55,972 Sally, would you do me a favor? 300 00:12:55,973 --> 00:12:56,973 Absolutely. 301 00:12:56,974 --> 00:12:59,042 Hold on to my gun. 302 00:13:00,545 --> 00:13:05,749 [Band playing loudly] 303 00:13:05,750 --> 00:13:07,117 [Music drowns out conversation] 304 00:13:07,118 --> 00:13:09,019 Get me some parsley! 305 00:13:11,489 --> 00:13:13,056 No. Parsley! 306 00:13:15,527 --> 00:13:17,028 No, not pepper! Parsley! 307 00:13:17,029 --> 00:13:18,395 This is pepper! 308 00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:19,764 Pepper! Parsley! 309 00:13:23,468 --> 00:13:25,269 Turn it down! 310 00:13:25,270 --> 00:13:26,770 [Turns amplifier off] 311 00:13:26,771 --> 00:13:30,140 This rock and roll music has got to stop! 312 00:13:30,141 --> 00:13:31,341 Why? 313 00:13:31,342 --> 00:13:32,643 Because it's loud! 314 00:13:32,644 --> 00:13:34,044 And rhythmic! 315 00:13:34,045 --> 00:13:36,013 And rhythm can lead to dancing. 316 00:13:36,014 --> 00:13:39,016 Rock and roll music preaches a gospel 317 00:13:39,017 --> 00:13:41,451 of easy sexuality and relaxed morality, 318 00:13:41,452 --> 00:13:43,988 and I will not endorse an enterprise 319 00:13:43,989 --> 00:13:46,123 which is as fraught with peril 320 00:13:46,124 --> 00:13:49,126 as I believe this one to be! 321 00:13:53,765 --> 00:13:56,133 So, you resent us for being young 322 00:13:56,134 --> 00:13:58,635 and living in a world full of carnal possibilities 323 00:13:58,636 --> 00:14:00,404 which you can't possibly enjoy. 324 00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,374 Yes! 325 00:14:03,375 --> 00:14:05,342 Now knock it off! 326 00:14:05,343 --> 00:14:07,778 Ah, don't listen to him, boys. 327 00:14:07,779 --> 00:14:09,846 I love rock and roll. 328 00:14:09,847 --> 00:14:13,150 I used to be a groupie for the Kingston trio. 329 00:14:13,151 --> 00:14:15,652 Ok. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go. 330 00:14:15,653 --> 00:14:18,188 I had an all-access pass. 331 00:14:18,189 --> 00:14:21,191 As a matter of fact, so did they. 332 00:14:21,192 --> 00:14:22,726 All right, we get it. 333 00:14:25,963 --> 00:14:29,566 Dr. Solomon, come on, enough with the practical jokes. 334 00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:32,436 But, Nina, there's nothing practical about this joke. 335 00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:35,906 It's an utterly pointless, hurtful, and asinine waste of time. 336 00:14:35,907 --> 00:14:36,941 [Giggles] 337 00:14:36,942 --> 00:14:38,809 You sure you don't want this furniture? 338 00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:39,843 Absolutely not. 339 00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:42,747 As a student of the ancient Chinese art 340 00:14:42,748 --> 00:14:44,248 of feng shui, 341 00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:47,251 I can assure you that the spiritual harmony of this room 342 00:14:47,252 --> 00:14:49,553 was upset by having that bitch sitting there. 343 00:14:51,022 --> 00:14:52,456 [Giggling] 344 00:14:52,457 --> 00:14:55,459 Thanks for coming over on such short notice, Don. 345 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:58,328 I knew you'd call, Sally. It was just a matter of time. 346 00:14:58,329 --> 00:15:00,263 I need you, Don. I need you bad. 347 00:15:00,264 --> 00:15:01,632 Well, you're lucky I was available. 348 00:15:01,633 --> 00:15:05,268 You know, I got a lot on my plate right now. 349 00:15:05,269 --> 00:15:08,271 You know, my--My lady plate. 350 00:15:08,272 --> 00:15:10,341 Listen, you can do something for me 351 00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:12,175 that nobody else can do. 352 00:15:12,176 --> 00:15:14,277 I know I can, baby. 353 00:15:14,278 --> 00:15:17,781 But if you expect me to come crawling back to you now, 354 00:15:17,782 --> 00:15:19,282 you got another think coming. 355 00:15:19,283 --> 00:15:21,151 Oh, no, I don't want that at all. 356 00:15:21,152 --> 00:15:24,755 Are you sure? 'Cause I can crawl like a bat out of hell. 357 00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:25,889 Oh, no. 358 00:15:25,890 --> 00:15:27,758 Thanks, sweetie, but what I need from you 359 00:15:27,759 --> 00:15:29,259 is a background check on Matthew. 360 00:15:29,260 --> 00:15:30,761 Who is he? What are his weaknesses? 361 00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:32,729 How can I cut him out of the herd and bring him down? 362 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:36,233 Why bother when you have a sick, hobbled wildebeest 363 00:15:36,234 --> 00:15:38,201 right in your own front yard? 364 00:15:38,202 --> 00:15:42,139 [Rhythmic banging] 365 00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:43,074 Hey, Tommy. 366 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:44,908 How's the band? 367 00:15:44,909 --> 00:15:48,079 Well, uh, we've avoided the trap of over-rehearsing, 368 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:51,715 which can be a problem, you know , when you've only got one song. 369 00:15:51,716 --> 00:15:53,917 I wrote a song. 370 00:15:53,918 --> 00:15:55,352 Did you? 371 00:15:55,353 --> 00:16:01,058 [Singing badly] ♪ Picture window paints my mind ♪ 372 00:16:03,127 --> 00:16:11,335 ♪ black horizon's valentine ♪ 373 00:16:11,336 --> 00:16:15,138 rock and roll, baby! 374 00:16:24,515 --> 00:16:25,883 Mary. 375 00:16:28,219 --> 00:16:29,786 Dick. 376 00:16:29,787 --> 00:16:32,656 Your desk was gone when I got here. 377 00:16:32,657 --> 00:16:34,958 I believe you. 378 00:16:34,959 --> 00:16:36,994 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 379 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,495 It was me! 380 00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:40,998 I had them take away your desk! Me! 381 00:16:40,999 --> 00:16:42,533 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 382 00:16:42,534 --> 00:16:43,767 This has got to stop. 383 00:16:43,768 --> 00:16:46,570 Oh, you just want to quit 'cause you can't win. 384 00:16:46,571 --> 00:16:48,638 Oh, my poor defeated Mary. 385 00:16:48,639 --> 00:16:50,106 You're just outmatched, that's all. 386 00:16:50,107 --> 00:16:52,443 But it takes a big woman to admit that. 387 00:16:52,444 --> 00:16:54,912 And just to show there are no hard feelings, 388 00:16:54,913 --> 00:16:56,046 I'm going to-- 389 00:17:02,353 --> 00:17:04,221 my arm is stuck. 390 00:17:05,356 --> 00:17:07,357 That's strange. So is this one. 391 00:17:07,358 --> 00:17:10,560 It's almost as if there was glue on my desk. 392 00:17:10,561 --> 00:17:11,962 Dick, don't be ridiculous. 393 00:17:11,963 --> 00:17:13,763 It couldn't be glue. 394 00:17:13,764 --> 00:17:16,900 It must be thermal bond epoxy. 395 00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:17,901 No! 396 00:17:17,902 --> 00:17:20,237 Uhhhh! 397 00:17:20,238 --> 00:17:21,371 Uhh! 398 00:17:21,372 --> 00:17:22,606 Ohh! 399 00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,744 Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 400 00:17:28,246 --> 00:17:29,380 Mistake. 401 00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:30,814 Huge mistake. 402 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:32,883 Oh, thanks. 403 00:17:32,884 --> 00:17:35,185 Oh, wait a second. 404 00:17:35,186 --> 00:17:36,654 That's better. 405 00:17:41,959 --> 00:17:43,327 Ohh! 406 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:44,328 You came! 407 00:17:44,329 --> 00:17:46,429 How could I refuse? 408 00:17:46,430 --> 00:17:48,231 Well, what was it that convinced you? 409 00:17:48,232 --> 00:17:50,501 The flowers? The radio dedications? 410 00:17:50,502 --> 00:17:52,202 The skywriting? 411 00:17:52,203 --> 00:17:54,170 You hired a skywriter. 412 00:17:54,171 --> 00:17:55,873 Well, he was more of a crop duster, 413 00:17:55,874 --> 00:17:59,576 but he wrote "Sally" over your house with diopropylene, so... 414 00:17:59,577 --> 00:18:01,345 that explains the vomiting. 415 00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:02,979 Yeah. 416 00:18:02,980 --> 00:18:04,347 Look, I've got to tell you, 417 00:18:04,348 --> 00:18:06,517 I have never had a woman work so hard 418 00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,018 to get my attention. 419 00:18:08,019 --> 00:18:09,252 It's flattering. 420 00:18:09,253 --> 00:18:11,422 Meaning...you want to go out with me? 421 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:12,355 Sure. 422 00:18:12,356 --> 00:18:14,792 Yes! 423 00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:15,860 Ha! 424 00:18:15,861 --> 00:18:17,160 I got you. 425 00:18:17,161 --> 00:18:18,495 You got me. 426 00:18:18,496 --> 00:18:19,496 Ha! 427 00:18:19,497 --> 00:18:20,497 Ohh! 428 00:18:20,498 --> 00:18:22,666 [Laughs] 429 00:18:28,506 --> 00:18:30,040 Well, now what? 430 00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:34,811 Ok, I was thinking you could start off in jeans, 431 00:18:34,812 --> 00:18:38,181 but then you could change into vintage tuxedos between songs. 432 00:18:38,182 --> 00:18:40,083 Between songs? 433 00:18:40,084 --> 00:18:43,053 We only have one song! 434 00:18:43,054 --> 00:18:46,790 Well, you could change during the drum solo. 435 00:18:46,791 --> 00:18:48,892 The song problem is over, Tommy. 436 00:18:48,893 --> 00:18:51,094 I wrote 4 new songs last night. 437 00:18:51,095 --> 00:18:54,331 Excuse me, but since when are you in this band? 438 00:18:54,332 --> 00:18:56,099 Tommy, tell them. 439 00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,468 Tell them what? You're not in the band. 440 00:18:58,469 --> 00:19:00,370 Well, if that's how you feel, 441 00:19:00,371 --> 00:19:01,838 I quit the band. 442 00:19:01,839 --> 00:19:04,408 Well, maybe you should rephrase that to acknowledge the fact 443 00:19:04,409 --> 00:19:08,545 that you were never in this pathetic, non-performing band! 444 00:19:08,546 --> 00:19:10,080 You know, that is it, Solomon. 445 00:19:10,081 --> 00:19:12,482 Your attitude is just tearing this band apart. 446 00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,451 You're out of the band! 447 00:19:14,452 --> 00:19:16,319 I never wanted to be in the band! 448 00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,254 I'm sorry, but you're gonna have to go. 449 00:19:18,255 --> 00:19:19,255 What? 450 00:19:19,256 --> 00:19:20,757 Harry! 451 00:19:20,758 --> 00:19:23,494 We'll send you a t-shirt. 452 00:19:26,397 --> 00:19:29,600 When I look at you, I wonder, what took me so long to-- 453 00:19:29,601 --> 00:19:30,967 uh-huh. 454 00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:33,870 I mean, you're beautiful, you're sexy. 455 00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:34,838 Uh-huh. 456 00:19:40,044 --> 00:19:40,944 Uhhh! Uhhh! 457 00:19:40,945 --> 00:19:41,945 Ow! 458 00:19:41,946 --> 00:19:42,946 Yeow! 459 00:19:42,947 --> 00:19:44,114 Ow! 460 00:19:44,115 --> 00:19:46,449 Oh, Dick, I'm so embarrassed. 461 00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:48,619 When we broke up, I was so mad at you, 462 00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:51,321 but now I've just made it worse by acting like a child. 463 00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:52,322 Truce? 464 00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:53,456 Truce. 465 00:19:53,457 --> 00:19:56,426 Great. Now we can go back to acting like adults. 466 00:19:56,427 --> 00:19:57,827 Yes, Mary. 467 00:19:57,828 --> 00:19:58,895 Adults. 468 00:19:58,896 --> 00:19:59,896 [Whimpering] 469 00:19:59,897 --> 00:20:02,399 [Music booming] 470 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:06,903 Mary, it appears your Volvo is back from the shop. 471 00:20:06,904 --> 00:20:08,138 What?! 472 00:20:11,375 --> 00:20:12,976 Damn! 473 00:20:12,977 --> 00:20:16,112 Hee hee hee ha ha ha! 474 00:20:16,113 --> 00:20:18,214 Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! 475 00:20:21,619 --> 00:20:22,318 Women. 476 00:20:22,319 --> 00:20:23,319 Women. 477 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:24,821 Women. 478 00:20:24,822 --> 00:20:26,256 [High-pitched squeal] ♪ Women! ♪ 479 00:20:29,126 --> 00:20:30,226 You can't live with 'em, 480 00:20:30,227 --> 00:20:34,164 and you can't have heterosexual sex without 'em. 481 00:20:34,165 --> 00:20:36,600 That's probably true. 482 00:20:37,568 --> 00:20:39,936 Well, I'm outta here. 483 00:20:39,937 --> 00:20:42,506 When Sally shows up with Mr. Yoga, 484 00:20:42,507 --> 00:20:45,341 I'm liable to go medieval on his ass. 485 00:20:45,342 --> 00:20:46,910 Bye, Don. 486 00:20:48,746 --> 00:20:50,880 What can you do? You do things your way, they're not happy. 487 00:20:50,881 --> 00:20:52,816 You do things their way, they're still not happy. 488 00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:56,253 When are we gonna learn you can't deal with women? 489 00:20:56,254 --> 00:20:59,890 The female feigns weakness only to use it as a weapon. 490 00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:02,693 It's like the praying mantis. Yeah. 491 00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:05,228 She acts so fragile and willowy, 492 00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:06,463 but when the male approaches, 493 00:21:06,464 --> 00:21:09,299 she sprays poisonous mucus from her eyelids, 494 00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,668 and he bursts into flames. 495 00:21:13,204 --> 00:21:14,938 Praying mantises don't do that. 496 00:21:16,073 --> 00:21:19,877 So what? The analogy stands. 497 00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:21,945 You can't negotiate with them, Tommy. 498 00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:23,413 You gotta give as good as you get. 499 00:21:23,414 --> 00:21:24,915 Now, Mary found that out. 500 00:21:24,916 --> 00:21:26,416 Oh, yeah. 501 00:21:26,417 --> 00:21:27,818 The hard way. 502 00:21:28,987 --> 00:21:30,020 Why are there office supplies 503 00:21:30,021 --> 00:21:33,957 stuck to the side of your head? 504 00:21:33,958 --> 00:21:35,993 That's where I keep them. 505 00:21:40,832 --> 00:21:42,499 1, 2, 3, 4! 506 00:21:44,202 --> 00:21:45,235 Women! 507 00:21:45,236 --> 00:21:48,571 Whoooo-hooo! 508 00:21:53,912 --> 00:21:54,844 Hey! 509 00:21:57,248 --> 00:21:59,249 What are you doing?! 510 00:21:59,250 --> 00:22:01,251 That's my dad's guitar! 511 00:22:01,252 --> 00:22:02,619 He's gonna kill me! 512 00:22:04,956 --> 00:22:07,490 I guess I'm gonna have to go. 513 00:22:07,491 --> 00:22:10,427 Captioned by the national captioning institute --www.ncicap.org-- 34270

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