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1
00:00:22,899 --> 00:00:25,525
- Well, that was special.
- Not yet.
2
00:00:25,570 --> 00:00:26,740
I got to take another breath.
3
00:00:30,190 --> 00:00:32,199
Okay, that's it. That's the end.
4
00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:36,190
- Happy six-month anniversary, babe.
- Oh.
5
00:00:36,220 --> 00:00:37,940
- Oh.
- Aw.
6
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:41,160
Oh, that was something else.
7
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,860
- Oh.
- I can't wait to see what you got me.
8
00:00:43,870 --> 00:00:47,000
Yeah. Uh, I-I can't
wait to give it to you.
9
00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,140
Okay!
10
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:51,700
- Wh-Where is it?
- Oh.
11
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,095
Oh, it's-it's so special,
12
00:00:54,138 --> 00:00:56,806
I'm gonna give it to
you tonight at dinner.
13
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:59,550
- I love surprises.
- Yeah, me, too.
14
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,400
- Okay.
- Yeah, it'll be a...
15
00:01:01,420 --> 00:01:02,920
a real big surprise.
16
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:05,320
- Yeah. Bye-bye.
- Bye.
17
00:01:05,340 --> 00:01:06,880
Oh, crap.
18
00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:09,340
I got her a hat.
19
00:01:09,360 --> 00:01:11,280
Well, don't panic. Was it a nice hat?
20
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:13,489
I got it at Denny's.
21
00:01:13,570 --> 00:01:16,159
Oh, no, Charlie. Why?
22
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:17,820
Because I was there when she texted me
23
00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:19,450
that it was our six-month anniversary.
24
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,780
Who celebrates their six-month
anniversary anyway?
25
00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:24,834
I mean, I know we're old, but do
you have to count every second?
26
00:01:24,961 --> 00:01:27,340
Well, you know what you
got to do now, don't you?
27
00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,660
Yeah. Fake my own death again.
28
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:32,840
No, you got to write her a song.
29
00:01:32,850 --> 00:01:34,969
And it better be better than her song
30
00:01:35,013 --> 00:01:38,681
but not so much better that
it makes her song look bad.
31
00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,360
- I'll help you. Songwriting's easy.
- Oh,
32
00:01:41,390 --> 00:01:43,919
you think songwriting is easy?
33
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,360
Hell yeah.
34
00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:48,320
I wrote an erotic vampire novel, woman.
35
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,770
Songwriting's a piece of cake.
36
00:01:51,860 --> 00:01:54,660
Charlie, you want to stay
with Kathleen, right?
37
00:01:54,690 --> 00:01:55,780
- I do.
- Well, then
38
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:56,880
I would highly advise you
39
00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,600
against this particular collaboration.
40
00:01:58,620 --> 00:02:00,680
This is not Hall & Oates.
41
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,860
This is all Oates.
42
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,820
So you saying we can't
write a romantic song?
43
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,680
I'm saying you guys have seven divorces
44
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,714
between the two of you.
45
00:02:11,750 --> 00:02:15,100
Yeah, that means we got
seven women to marry us.
46
00:02:17,860 --> 00:02:21,520
Okay, well, I, being a
woman, understand women.
47
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,900
Not only that but I had a
professional songwriting career.
48
00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:25,540
- So I should help.
- Oh, my God.
49
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,397
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, today
50
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,140
is gonna be the very
best day of my life.
51
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:34,960
Oh, is J.Crew finally selling boy sizes?
52
00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,220
J.Crew?
53
00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,500
Please, honey, what
am I, a youth pastor?
54
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:42,400
Guess who is signing autographs
55
00:02:42,430 --> 00:02:44,038
at the convention center.
56
00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,060
The cutest teen idol
57
00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,480
of the early fall of 1969.
58
00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,480
Charles Manson?
59
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,000
No! Not Charles Manson.
60
00:02:54,020 --> 00:02:56,340
Kip Samgood.
61
00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,140
Kip Samgood?
62
00:02:58,180 --> 00:03:00,200
He is a son of a bitch.
63
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,760
He's the whole reason my
music career never took off.
64
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:04,725
You know Kip Samgood?
65
00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:06,479
You shut your damn mouth.
66
00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:08,380
Tell me everything.
67
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,460
I only wrote his biggest song.
68
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:13,984
Oh, please, Margaret.
69
00:03:14,070 --> 00:03:17,300
You wrote "Bellbottom of My Heart"?
70
00:03:17,320 --> 00:03:18,640
I most certainly did.
71
00:03:18,660 --> 00:03:20,140
And I was performing it in clubs
72
00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:22,480
months before it was ever on his album.
73
00:03:22,510 --> 00:03:25,120
You know what, if you are
gonna see that bastard today,
74
00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:26,240
I'm gonna go there.
75
00:03:26,260 --> 00:03:28,079
I'm gonna make him admit
that he stole it.
76
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:30,800
Uh-uh. No, no, no.
77
00:03:30,820 --> 00:03:32,480
You are not gonna mess this up for me.
78
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,140
You are not invited.
79
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,880
This has bothered me for years.
80
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:38,560
I'm gonna go confront
this head-on. I am going.
81
00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:42,096
Margaret. You said you were
gonna help us write a song.
82
00:03:42,100 --> 00:03:44,720
Just give her the damn hat.
83
00:04:03,350 --> 00:04:08,040
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
84
00:04:09,292 --> 00:04:10,860
All right, Margaret, now,
85
00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:14,462
please let me tell Kip
what he means to me.
86
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,060
I wrote an entire speech.
87
00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:18,630
Okay, but when you're done with him,
88
00:04:18,650 --> 00:04:20,400
I'm gonna rip him a new one.
89
00:04:20,420 --> 00:04:22,880
K-I-P is gonna be R.I.P.
90
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:25,660
And you were a professional songwriter?
91
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,920
How you doing, buddy? What's your name?
92
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:31,720
Hi. Kip, my name is
Sidney, uh, Delacroix,
93
00:04:31,740 --> 00:04:35,240
and I have waited 50 years
to read you this letter.
94
00:04:35,260 --> 00:04:36,520
"Dear Kip,
95
00:04:36,550 --> 00:04:39,500
"As a lonely little gay boy
growing up in Tex... "
96
00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,520
- Here's your tambourine.
- Yeah, but I didn't get
97
00:04:41,530 --> 00:04:42,660
- to finish my speech.
- Next!
98
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:44,520
Step aside, sir.
99
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:46,300
- My turn.
- Yeah, well, please,
100
00:04:46,340 --> 00:04:49,100
Margaret, I didn't get
to finish my speech.
101
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:51,415
Well, hello, hotness.
102
00:04:51,450 --> 00:04:53,700
What are you getting signed today?
103
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,500
Boobs are a two-for-one special.
104
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,967
That's my little joke.
105
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:05,540
Honestly, Kip, are you gonna pretend
106
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:07,160
that you don't know who I am?
107
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,220
Listen, if you've got a kid somewhere,
108
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:10,800
I got snipped in '79.
109
00:05:10,820 --> 00:05:12,895
Court ordered.
110
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,340
It's me, Margaret Flynn.
111
00:05:15,380 --> 00:05:18,200
I wrote "Bellbottom of My Heart."
112
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:21,560
Oh, my God.
113
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:22,940
You wrote that?
114
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,880
You know damn good and well I wrote it.
115
00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,950
You... Wait,
116
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,700
you admit that you stole my song?
117
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,050
No, I didn't steal it.
118
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,080
My record company gave it to me.
119
00:05:34,110 --> 00:05:37,680
But I have spent my entire
life wondering who wrote it,
120
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,790
because I know that that person...
121
00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,080
was a genius.
122
00:05:43,094 --> 00:05:44,718
A genius? Seriously?
123
00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:47,180
I mean, "genius" is a little strong,
124
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,800
but... I'll allow it.
125
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:52,500
I was at a party with Paul Simon.
126
00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:53,580
Heard of him?
127
00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,260
He told me it was his
favorite song of mine.
128
00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:59,680
Now, he may have been high as
a kite at the time, but...
129
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:01,402
he said it.
130
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,150
Say, what do you say
131
00:06:05,180 --> 00:06:06,760
you and I... we go to the greenroom.
132
00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:09,100
I would love to hear
more about your process.
133
00:06:09,130 --> 00:06:11,240
I've got oodles of questions
134
00:06:11,260 --> 00:06:12,600
- about it.
- Well...
135
00:06:12,610 --> 00:06:15,280
The-the greenroom? I'm
still really mad at you,
136
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,819
but I-I guess-I guess I
am a little bit hungry.
137
00:06:17,820 --> 00:06:18,900
Well, the spread's amazing.
138
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:20,640
We've got three kinds of cream cheese.
139
00:06:20,660 --> 00:06:23,132
And we've got wraps!
140
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,960
I love wraps. Let's do it.
141
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:29,440
Oh, I'm sorry, buddy.
142
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,099
I've only got a plus-one.
143
00:06:31,100 --> 00:06:33,720
Now, I must know more about your work.
144
00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:35,080
Have you written any other songs?
145
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:36,660
Well, I've written a few.
I mean, you know, I...
146
00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,780
Margaret, what the hell? Kip!
147
00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,520
Please, I can be your
plus-one and a half.
148
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:45,480
Sid, I won't be long. I
promise. I won't forget you.
149
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:48,866
Ugh, Margaret, don't do this to me!
150
00:06:48,951 --> 00:06:50,826
At least read him my letter!
151
00:06:50,950 --> 00:06:53,680
You bitch!
152
00:06:57,620 --> 00:06:59,799
All right, now, look, we
don't need Margaret's help
153
00:06:59,800 --> 00:07:01,720
- to write no song about no woman.
- No.
154
00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:03,270
'Cause one thing I know is
155
00:07:03,299 --> 00:07:05,841
women don't know what they want.
156
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:08,400
You take my ex-wife... I
thought she wanted me,
157
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:10,930
but apparently she wanted that
big son of a bitch upstairs.
158
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:14,800
Look, Hank, c-can we not talk
about Lorraine right now?
159
00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:17,059
We just do not have the time.
160
00:07:17,060 --> 00:07:19,060
You're right. I'm sorry.
161
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,599
There was a point to it, but all right.
162
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,979
Tell me what kind of
song Kathleen wants.
163
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:27,980
I don't know. Something nice and sweet
164
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,820
about how much I love her.
165
00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:30,991
No, no, no. No, no.
166
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,740
You got to give her something dark.
167
00:07:32,750 --> 00:07:35,280
Not a sweet song. A bad-boy song.
168
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,540
- Mm-hmm.
- All right, play me a chord.
169
00:07:36,570 --> 00:07:38,374
Well...
170
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,860
Moodier.
171
00:07:39,890 --> 00:07:41,502
Um...
172
00:07:44,290 --> 00:07:46,380
All right, that's it, right there.
173
00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:48,960
Okay.
174
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,880
So, I'm just gonna riff, okay?
175
00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:53,180
'Cause, you know, most
great songs are just
176
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,000
basically improvisation anyway.
177
00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:24,962
Hank,
178
00:08:25,006 --> 00:08:28,424
you're back to talking
about your ex-wife again.
179
00:08:28,467 --> 00:08:31,740
Charlie, you can't interrupt me,
man, when I was riffing, man.
180
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,600
All this talk about my
ex-wife got me agitated.
181
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:38,170
Look, I'm just gonna sit
here and let you sing
182
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,580
and I'm gonna listen.
183
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,061
- All right.
- Okay.
184
00:08:41,188 --> 00:08:43,063
Um...
185
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,160
Darker.
186
00:09:01,780 --> 00:09:03,620
no, no, no, no! That's-that's
too dark, that's too dark.
187
00:09:03,627 --> 00:09:05,500
All right, let's scrap the dark stuff.
188
00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,171
We need to re-gear.
189
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:12,220
Now, what are all hit songs about today?
190
00:09:12,260 --> 00:09:14,180
The booty!
191
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,210
It's too crass.
192
00:09:15,220 --> 00:09:17,890
Kathleen was raised Protestant.
193
00:09:17,970 --> 00:09:20,880
How 'bout something...
194
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,060
about technology?
195
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:23,395
No, that's too nerdy.
196
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,280
I'm afraid you're gonna start singing
197
00:09:25,300 --> 00:09:27,019
about conspiracy theories.
198
00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,000
Well, I would've said
"conspiracy facts,"
199
00:09:29,020 --> 00:09:32,060
but, yes, that is where I was headed.
200
00:09:32,070 --> 00:09:33,780
You know what, we need to shake off
201
00:09:33,800 --> 00:09:36,420
all this bad ex-wife energy.
202
00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:38,260
Um, here, play me a chord.
203
00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:39,540
I got something new.
204
00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:46,740
Lorraine! Lorraine!
205
00:09:46,860 --> 00:09:51,220
Lorraine... !
206
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:02,580
_
207
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:05,220
I can't believe I spent
all those years thinking
208
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,640
that you stole my song,
209
00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:08,320
and you had nothing to do with it.
210
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:10,850
I used to fantasize about killing you.
211
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:13,040
A lot.
212
00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,030
Well.
213
00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:17,760
That's champagne under
the bridge now, baby.
214
00:10:17,770 --> 00:10:19,980
Say, speaking of champagne,
215
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,160
can I, uh, top off your glass?
216
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,720
It's from New York State.
217
00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:28,200
I don't mind if I do.
218
00:10:28,220 --> 00:10:29,740
Mm.
219
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:31,320
Mmm.
220
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:34,280
You really can taste the Albany.
221
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,919
Well, come. Sit.
222
00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:37,740
Tell me about your career.
223
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:39,890
Oh, well, to be perfectly honest, Kip,
224
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,260
my career didn't ever really take off.
225
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,270
I did write a jingle one time
226
00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,260
for an adult diaper commercial
that I'm pretty ashamed of,
227
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,400
but... other than that,
228
00:10:49,420 --> 00:10:51,220
I only had one real album,
229
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,480
and it was kind of a dud.
It was called Carpet.
230
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:56,530
You wrote Carpet?
231
00:10:56,550 --> 00:10:58,031
I love Carpet.
232
00:10:58,110 --> 00:10:59,720
I used to beg my label,
233
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:03,370
"Please, let me cover
a song from Carpet."
234
00:11:03,497 --> 00:11:04,830
- Really?
- Mm.
235
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,180
Which one was your favorite?
236
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:08,480
Which song was your favorite?
237
00:11:08,502 --> 00:11:12,254
I think "Vacuum" was
probably the strongest.
238
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:14,820
- Oh, it was definitely the strongest.
- Hmm.
239
00:11:14,850 --> 00:11:16,879
Oh, gosh, I wish I could hear it now.
240
00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:18,880
I could sing it for you now.
241
00:11:18,940 --> 00:11:21,720
Oh... I would die.
242
00:11:21,780 --> 00:11:24,060
But tragically, we don't have a guitar.
243
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,540
This guy's got a guitar right here.
244
00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:28,200
Oh...
245
00:11:28,220 --> 00:11:29,960
how wonderful.
246
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,990
Margaret, just calling you back.
247
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,060
Wasn't sure you got the
first 16 messages.
248
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,660
I-I really can't wait to meet Kip.
249
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,326
So call me back.
250
00:11:42,411 --> 00:11:44,203
Uh, it's Sid, by the way.
251
00:11:44,220 --> 00:11:46,740
Delacroix, from Shady Meadows.
252
00:11:46,770 --> 00:11:50,180
I really hate to bother you.
253
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,240
But I'm supposed to be in the greenroom
254
00:11:52,270 --> 00:11:54,520
with Kip and my friend.
255
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:55,760
Sorry, hoss.
256
00:11:55,780 --> 00:11:57,540
Only VIPs past this point.
257
00:11:57,600 --> 00:11:59,440
Yeah.
258
00:11:59,470 --> 00:12:02,070
Well, I don't normally do this,
259
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:05,140
but I am... famous.
260
00:12:05,260 --> 00:12:08,000
Super famous.
261
00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:11,480
So I'll just be going in the G.R. now.
262
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,316
That's what we call the
greenroom in the biz.
263
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:17,720
"The biz" being "the business",
and by "the business"...
264
00:12:17,740 --> 00:12:20,180
... we mean show business.
265
00:12:20,190 --> 00:12:22,420
Hold on.
266
00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:24,080
You're famous? For what?
267
00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,327
Um...
268
00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:27,100
the Star Wars.
269
00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,830
You were in Star Wars?
270
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:31,360
Uh, yeah.
271
00:12:32,670 --> 00:12:36,004
You know that little robot? R2-D2?
272
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,631
More like R2-Me-2.
273
00:12:37,750 --> 00:12:39,180
It's me.
274
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:42,070
Prove it. Do the voice.
275
00:12:42,090 --> 00:12:44,700
- Well, I don't think that that's really...
- Do it.
276
00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:47,760
Beep. Beep, beep, beep, squeebo.
277
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:48,780
Furby.
278
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,220
Beep. Ooh. Hee, hee, hee.
279
00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:53,120
No.
280
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,680
Okay, fine.
281
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:01,440
I really hate admitting this,
but I am the little boy
282
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:04,100
from Home Alone. Does this ring a bell?
283
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,535
I'm Ma-curly Curl-kin
284
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:08,820
and I'm home alone, y'all.
285
00:13:08,830 --> 00:13:11,100
Aah!
286
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:14,209
Look, buddy. I'm gonna say
this as nice as I can.
287
00:13:14,220 --> 00:13:16,920
Kip Samgood is banging
your wife right now.
288
00:13:16,964 --> 00:13:18,463
My wife?
289
00:13:18,540 --> 00:13:19,720
- Yeah.
- Ugh. No, no, no.
290
00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:21,140
It's my friend.
291
00:13:21,176 --> 00:13:24,052
And any moment she's gonna
realize she left me out here
292
00:13:24,130 --> 00:13:25,880
and come out here to get me.
293
00:13:39,140 --> 00:13:40,180
Okay.
294
00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:43,000
Punam, Charlie got to write
a song for Kathleen,
295
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:45,640
but he can't figure out what
kind of song she likes.
296
00:13:45,701 --> 00:13:48,035
Now, we reached a compromise,
but we just need
297
00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:50,119
a woman's touch to bring it on home.
298
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,860
- All right, Charlie, make it funky.
- Okay.
299
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,180
We don't need your thoughts till
the end of the song, Punam.
300
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,259
Don't interrupt.
301
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:25,113
So, I...
302
00:14:25,150 --> 00:14:28,220
Pretty obvious we're about 90% there.
303
00:14:28,285 --> 00:14:31,270
It is moody, it's sexy...
304
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:33,220
- Yeah.
- ... and it's religiously conservative,
305
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,270
which I indicated in the song
when I said the booty was,
306
00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:38,740
um, Protestant.
307
00:14:38,750 --> 00:14:41,320
Yeah.
308
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:43,780
That was a really bad song.
309
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:47,170
But if you're trying to get your
girlfriend to break up with you,
310
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,760
it'll definitely work.
311
00:14:50,099 --> 00:14:53,470
So you're really not
gonna let me in there?
312
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:55,380
It's literally my only job.
313
00:14:56,390 --> 00:14:58,740
This was supposed to be
the best day of my life.
314
00:14:58,770 --> 00:15:00,840
It's turning out to be the worst.
315
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,700
It's only a greenroom, man.
316
00:15:02,720 --> 00:15:05,320
I could bring you out a Bagel Bite.
317
00:15:05,350 --> 00:15:06,988
No, you don't understand.
318
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,380
I came down here to get something
319
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,240
off my chest, my heart.
320
00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:13,829
Maybe you can relay to Kip
321
00:15:13,950 --> 00:15:15,320
what I wrote.
322
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:17,120
I'm gonna read you this letter.
323
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,250
Do you have to?
324
00:15:18,330 --> 00:15:20,480
Yes.
325
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,050
"Dear Kip, as a lonely little gay boy
326
00:15:25,080 --> 00:15:26,240
"growing up in Texas,
327
00:15:26,260 --> 00:15:27,780
"you were my only friend.
328
00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,580
"I was constantly bullied
but you taught me
329
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,598
it was okay to be myself."
330
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:36,059
Damn, man. That was deep.
331
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:37,880
You know, when I was
a kid, I got teased.
332
00:15:37,930 --> 00:15:39,640
What'd you get teased for?
333
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,960
My high-pitched voice.
334
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,180
Damn.
335
00:15:43,220 --> 00:15:45,810
Puberty hit you like a truck.
336
00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:47,520
You know what?
337
00:15:47,610 --> 00:15:49,120
Maybe I could help you out.
338
00:15:58,950 --> 00:16:00,720
Oh, thank you so much.
339
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,587
That was... well, obviously that was
340
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,400
"Steam Clean My Dreams."
341
00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:08,758
Hey. It's getting a
little crowded in here.
342
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:10,677
What do you say we go
back to my dressing room
343
00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,580
uh, for, I don't know,
two to four minutes?
344
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:16,180
Wait, did you just bring me
back here to hook up with me?
345
00:16:16,226 --> 00:16:17,559
No.
346
00:16:17,570 --> 00:16:20,320
I wanted to listen to ten
crappy songs about rugs.
347
00:16:20,390 --> 00:16:23,480
You lied about even liking
my music, didn't you?
348
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,280
Uh-oh. Have I been naughty?
349
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,000
- Mr. Samgood, I have something...
- Clancy,
350
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:30,160
how did he get in here?
351
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:34,040
- He, uh, overpowered me?
- "Dear Kip,
352
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:36,240
- as a lonely little gay boy... "
- Oh,
353
00:16:36,270 --> 00:16:39,020
- growing up in Texas... "
- I already signed your tambourine,
354
00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:40,200
didn't I?
355
00:16:40,330 --> 00:16:41,900
Found him. In here.
356
00:16:41,910 --> 00:16:43,900
What the hell are you guys doing here?
357
00:16:43,930 --> 00:16:46,220
- Look, I can admit when I'm wrong.
- Yeah.
358
00:16:46,250 --> 00:16:47,881
Actually, I can't. Charlie?
359
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:51,000
Um... we need help writing a song.
360
00:16:51,020 --> 00:16:53,500
Oh, you came to me.
361
00:16:53,550 --> 00:16:55,700
No, we here for Kip.
362
00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:57,570
Well, wait a minute.
363
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,360
I am the one who wrote the biggest...
364
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:01,144
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
365
00:17:01,230 --> 00:17:03,020
Mr. Samgood.
366
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:05,857
Um, I'm in a pinch.
367
00:17:05,943 --> 00:17:07,420
I need a love song
368
00:17:07,440 --> 00:17:08,860
and I need it fast.
369
00:17:08,946 --> 00:17:10,695
Oh, my God.
370
00:17:10,781 --> 00:17:12,614
Okay, first things first.
371
00:17:12,650 --> 00:17:14,640
Clancy, you're clearly fired.
372
00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:18,670
And you... you're just another
one of my deranged loser fans.
373
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,320
And I'm tired of looking at you.
374
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:21,456
Go away.
375
00:17:23,290 --> 00:17:25,600
And you two... I don't know who you are,
376
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,280
but I can't write you a song
377
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,620
because I don't write music.
378
00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:32,676
The whole thing was fake, okay?
379
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:35,220
You mean your songs were not real?
380
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:36,580
None of it was real.
381
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:37,980
Even my name is fake.
382
00:17:38,058 --> 00:17:40,100
You know what my real
name is? Greg Napkin.
383
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:44,180
Well, I can see why they changed that.
384
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,930
You know what?
385
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:49,559
I can't even believe I
fell for your crap.
386
00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:53,040
I should sue you over "Bell
Bottom of My Heart."
387
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,340
Well, I don't have any money.
I bet big on Betamax.
388
00:17:57,220 --> 00:17:58,980
Sid, come on.
389
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,040
I'm sorry I ditched you. Charlie,
390
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,400
I will write you a love song. Let's go.
391
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:06,140
Hank, go easy on the Bagel Bites.
392
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,295
Say what? Woman, you can't
tell me what to do.
393
00:18:10,132 --> 00:18:12,007
Hey.
394
00:18:12,130 --> 00:18:14,080
And as for you, Napkin,
395
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:16,020
I may have written "Vacuum",
396
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,220
but you suck.
397
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,770
Oh, Sid.
398
00:18:29,860 --> 00:18:32,193
I'm so sorry I abandoned you.
399
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,863
I, uh, I got a little carried away.
400
00:18:34,940 --> 00:18:37,820
Oh, honey, I forgive you.
401
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:40,080
I still can't believe
402
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:42,410
that Kip was a fake.
403
00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:45,760
But on the bright side, I
guess, I made a new friend.
404
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:49,461
Clancy and I are going to a
Lil Wayne concert tomorrow.
405
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,640
Oh. Here they come.
406
00:18:53,660 --> 00:18:55,120
I'm so excited to see Charlie
407
00:18:55,140 --> 00:18:57,100
perform the song I wrote for Kathleen.
408
00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:59,400
- Kathleen, have a seat.
- Okay.
409
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:01,680
I've got something I want to say to you.
410
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,017
Hank, can I have my guitar?
411
00:19:04,102 --> 00:19:06,186
- Here it is. Okay.
- Thank you.
412
00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:09,064
Okay, darling. This is for you.
413
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:48,561
Here.
414
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:53,120
Oh.
415
00:19:53,230 --> 00:19:55,740
- I know...
- I love it.
416
00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:59,060
This is where we had our first date.
417
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:02,960
Oh. Well, yeah,
that-that's why I did it.
418
00:20:02,990 --> 00:20:05,400
I love it.
419
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,760
I just love you so. Let's
go get that dinner.
420
00:20:09,790 --> 00:20:12,960
Okay. Oh, I just can't
wait to see what you get
421
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,840
for our seven-month anniversary.
422
00:20:14,923 --> 00:20:16,756
Damn it.
423
00:20:18,260 --> 00:20:21,740
Their first date was at Denny's?
424
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:24,440
I'm working way too hard
425
00:20:24,450 --> 00:20:26,550
on my relationship.
426
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,689
Hey, Punam.
427
00:20:32,774 --> 00:20:34,720
You know, riffing with
Charlie the other day...
428
00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:36,480
that really lit a fire in me.
429
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:37,920
But compromising with him
430
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:41,200
was really dragging me
down, so I want to know
431
00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:44,380
what you think of my songwriting
abilities untethered.
432
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:45,840
Great, let's hear it.
433
00:20:45,850 --> 00:20:47,078
All right, give me a beat.
434
00:21:12,920 --> 00:21:15,040
Hank, I got to stop you right there.
435
00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,150
That song is amazing.
436
00:21:17,235 --> 00:21:19,068
I knew it.
437
00:21:19,100 --> 00:21:21,230
Songwriting is easy.
438
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:35,500
- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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