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1
00:00:00,428 --> 00:00:02,125
Only on Fox.
2
00:00:05,650 --> 00:00:07,435
Wow, John.
3
00:00:07,478 --> 00:00:11,308
A bike trip through
wine country sounds amazing.
4
00:00:11,352 --> 00:00:14,833
Maybe next we'll take awine trip through bike country.
5
00:00:14,877 --> 00:00:17,488
No, I'm kidding.
6
00:00:17,532 --> 00:00:19,403
I know there's no bike country.
7
00:00:19,447 --> 00:00:21,144
Oh, there is?
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:22,276
Oh!
9
00:00:22,319 --> 00:00:24,669
:
Now you'rekidding.
10
00:00:24,713 --> 00:00:27,455
Oh, I miss you.
Mwah, mwah, mwah.
11
00:00:27,498 --> 00:00:28,804
Bye-bye.
12
00:00:28,847 --> 00:00:32,895
Charlie, will you
just shoot me in the head?
13
00:00:32,938 --> 00:00:35,463
Now? Can I have
your bacon first?
14
00:00:36,942 --> 00:00:39,510
I can't take a bike trip.
15
00:00:39,554 --> 00:00:43,340
Oh, honey, 'cause your feet
won't reach the pedals?
16
00:00:43,384 --> 00:00:46,517
My feet's about to reach
your face.
17
00:00:46,561 --> 00:00:49,390
I never learned
to ride a bike, okay?
18
00:00:49,433 --> 00:00:50,869
Who cares?
19
00:00:50,913 --> 00:00:54,482
Nothing sadderthan a grown man riding a bike.
20
00:00:54,525 --> 00:00:56,658
Well, Rollerblades, I guess.
21
00:00:56,701 --> 00:01:00,488
That said, what grown mandoesn't know how to ride a bike?
22
00:01:00,531 --> 00:01:02,141
I never learned.
23
00:01:02,185 --> 00:01:04,405
I got my first bicycle
when I was six.
24
00:01:04,448 --> 00:01:07,364
I traded it in for a canopy bed.
25
00:01:07,408 --> 00:01:09,888
I never got another one.
Bike, that is.
26
00:01:09,932 --> 00:01:12,935
I'm on my ninth canopy bed.
27
00:01:12,978 --> 00:01:14,545
So just tell John the truth.
28
00:01:14,589 --> 00:01:16,634
I mean, I showed Kathleen
my toes,
29
00:01:16,678 --> 00:01:19,289
and I think she'll get over it.
30
00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:22,510
I can't tell John the truth.
We just started dating.
31
00:01:22,553 --> 00:01:25,513
I have to be
the perfect version of myself.
32
00:01:25,556 --> 00:01:29,168
Sid's right. Early on, you got
to put your best foot forward.
33
00:01:29,212 --> 00:01:31,258
I once held in a fart
for a year.
34
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:36,698
When he finally dumped me, boy,did I let 'er rip.
35
00:01:36,741 --> 00:01:39,440
Scared the hell out of my dog.
36
00:01:39,483 --> 00:01:42,094
Great, Margaret.
37
00:01:42,138 --> 00:01:45,968
Now I have something else
I got to worry about.
38
00:01:46,011 --> 00:01:48,013
I'm on it.
39
00:01:50,625 --> 00:01:52,453
Here's your beer, Mr. Hank.
40
00:01:52,496 --> 00:01:53,584
Thank you, Ernie.
41
00:01:53,628 --> 00:01:56,195
I assume you vacuumed as well?
42
00:01:56,239 --> 00:01:58,981
-Yes, Mr. Hank.
Even under the bed.
-Mm.
43
00:01:59,024 --> 00:02:00,722
Well, just keep in mind,
some of that stuff
44
00:02:00,765 --> 00:02:02,463
was there when I moved in.
45
00:02:02,506 --> 00:02:04,508
Wait, hold on.
Who is this kid,
46
00:02:04,552 --> 00:02:07,468
and when was he here
taking drink orders?
47
00:02:07,511 --> 00:02:09,687
This is Ernie.
I'm his mentor.
48
00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:11,472
You're mentoring someone?
49
00:02:11,515 --> 00:02:14,431
Do people need to be taught
to be bitter and alone?
50
00:02:15,519 --> 00:02:17,565
Ernie, never bring her a beer.
51
00:02:17,608 --> 00:02:19,044
You may go.
52
00:02:20,959 --> 00:02:23,527
Shady Meadows does a program
with the local high school.
53
00:02:23,571 --> 00:02:25,921
See, me and Ernie, we supposed
to learn from each other,
54
00:02:25,964 --> 00:02:27,357
but since
I already know everything,
55
00:02:27,401 --> 00:02:29,794
I've been teaching him
the ways of the world.
56
00:02:29,838 --> 00:02:31,230
Well, that's ridiculous.
57
00:02:31,274 --> 00:02:32,841
You're just using this kid.
58
00:02:32,884 --> 00:02:35,234
I mean, if anybody should
mentor him, it should be me.
59
00:02:35,278 --> 00:02:36,845
I am wise as crap.
60
00:02:38,629 --> 00:02:41,415
Margaret,
it's called a men-torship,
61
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:44,026
not a woman-torship.
62
00:02:44,069 --> 00:02:45,984
Come on,
I'm looking out for him.
63
00:02:46,028 --> 00:02:47,725
Do you have any idea
64
00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:51,033
how treacherous
high school is for a nerd?
65
00:02:51,076 --> 00:02:53,992
This doofus actually wanted
to go to the prom.
66
00:02:54,036 --> 00:02:55,472
Well, what's wrong with that?
67
00:02:55,516 --> 00:02:58,040
What is he,
a bad dancer or something?
68
00:02:58,083 --> 00:03:01,260
Is he a bad dancer?
69
00:03:01,304 --> 00:03:04,612
Margaret, did you look at him?
70
00:03:04,655 --> 00:03:07,179
I'm gonna guarantee
he is a bad dancer.
71
00:03:07,223 --> 00:03:08,398
Well, that's just crazy.
72
00:03:08,442 --> 00:03:10,400
He needs to go to prom.
It's the best.
73
00:03:10,444 --> 00:03:13,447
Making out with your date
on the dance floor.
74
00:03:13,490 --> 00:03:17,538
Banging the guy that youreally wanted to go with after.
75
00:03:17,581 --> 00:03:19,757
Did I ever tell you
I was the prom queen?
76
00:03:19,801 --> 00:03:21,672
Yes, you did, the day we met.
77
00:03:21,716 --> 00:03:24,283
I believe it was right after,
"Hi. I'm Margaret."
78
00:03:24,327 --> 00:03:26,677
Look, I was cool in high school.
79
00:03:26,721 --> 00:03:28,418
Ernie is not.
80
00:03:28,462 --> 00:03:31,290
I think it best he just
skip the prom and stay here
81
00:03:31,334 --> 00:03:33,423
so he can alphabetize
my colognes.
82
00:03:33,467 --> 00:03:35,251
Your colognes? What do...
83
00:03:35,294 --> 00:03:37,558
You pay for that smell?
84
00:04:01,712 --> 00:04:04,498
I figured it'd be bestto practice on a stationary bike
85
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:06,674
before you get
on the real thing.
86
00:04:06,717 --> 00:04:10,504
I owe my six-pack to this baby.
87
00:04:10,547 --> 00:04:12,636
Maybe I don't need
to learn to ride a bike.
88
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:14,595
It's just gonna be
a matter of time
89
00:04:14,638 --> 00:04:17,162
before John figures out
that we are not a good match.
90
00:04:17,206 --> 00:04:19,730
He's active and fit. And me?
91
00:04:19,774 --> 00:04:22,733
I can't even touch my toes,
and they're, like,
92
00:04:22,777 --> 00:04:24,605
right there.
93
00:04:24,648 --> 00:04:26,824
Look, Sid,you're out of your comfort zone.
94
00:04:26,868 --> 00:04:29,131
That happens
with a new relationship.
95
00:04:29,174 --> 00:04:30,480
And I don't want
to see you mess up
96
00:04:30,524 --> 00:04:33,527
what you and John have
because you can't do something
97
00:04:33,570 --> 00:04:35,746
that most five-year-olds can do.
98
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:38,270
I can do tons of things
a five-year-old can't do.
99
00:04:38,314 --> 00:04:39,576
Could a five-year-old do this?
100
00:04:41,926 --> 00:04:43,667
Probably.
101
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:47,410
-All right.
-Come on.
102
00:04:59,422 --> 00:05:01,903
Okay.
Okay, you've never even seen
103
00:05:01,946 --> 00:05:04,514
someone get on a bike, right?
104
00:05:04,558 --> 00:05:06,168
You get in from the side.
105
00:05:06,211 --> 00:05:08,300
Just like a canopy bed.
106
00:05:08,344 --> 00:05:11,695
: Oh! Well,now you're speaking my language.
107
00:05:13,436 --> 00:05:15,177
Okay, there you go.
108
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,658
All right.
Now, picture this.
109
00:05:17,701 --> 00:05:20,356
It's a long and winding road.
110
00:05:20,399 --> 00:05:22,184
John is in front of you.
111
00:05:22,227 --> 00:05:23,577
And he's-he's-he's sweating,
112
00:05:23,620 --> 00:05:26,754
and he's in those tight
bicycle shorts, isn't he?
113
00:05:26,797 --> 00:05:28,538
Uh, sure.
114
00:05:28,582 --> 00:05:30,018
Here I come, John!
115
00:05:30,061 --> 00:05:32,629
-Yeah.
-I'm riding a bike!
116
00:05:32,673 --> 00:05:33,587
I'm riding a bike.
117
00:05:39,593 --> 00:05:42,596
I should have told you,
it-it does that sometimes.
118
00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:49,037
Oh. Uh, Mr. Hank's not home,
119
00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:50,908
and he doesn't like anyone
in the house
120
00:05:50,952 --> 00:05:52,780
while I'm ironing his delicates.
121
00:05:52,823 --> 00:05:55,783
His delicates? I don't think
you can call them "delicates"
122
00:05:55,826 --> 00:06:00,048
if you get them
out of a big bin at Costco.
123
00:06:00,091 --> 00:06:02,267
Geez, are you doing
his whole wardrobe?
124
00:06:02,311 --> 00:06:03,965
Well, as Mr. Hank says,
125
00:06:04,008 --> 00:06:07,534
"A man without clothesis just a baby with chest hair."
126
00:06:08,665 --> 00:06:09,710
Hank is so cool.
127
00:06:11,842 --> 00:06:15,063
Does "cool" mean
something different nowadays?
128
00:06:15,106 --> 00:06:18,849
You know, there is, uh, somebodyelse around here who's cool.
129
00:06:21,199 --> 00:06:23,854
Pretty cool.
130
00:06:25,856 --> 00:06:28,642
A certain lady.
131
00:06:28,685 --> 00:06:30,818
Who?
132
00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:32,863
Me! I am cool.
133
00:06:32,907 --> 00:06:36,084
And I think not going to prom
is a big mistake.
134
00:06:36,127 --> 00:06:39,870
But... Hank told me that 80%
of suicides are prom-related.
135
00:06:39,914 --> 00:06:44,396
Oh, no. I-I think it's...
much lower than that.
136
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:46,747
Are you telling me
that there is actually nobody
137
00:06:46,790 --> 00:06:48,618
that you would want to ask?
138
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:54,406
Are you trying to get me
to say you again, or...?
139
00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:56,670
: Oh, honey,
I was the prom queen.
140
00:06:56,713 --> 00:06:59,237
Baby steps.
141
00:06:59,281 --> 00:07:01,631
Well, I'd ask this girl Shauna,
142
00:07:01,675 --> 00:07:03,677
but would a first-chair tuba
really go with me?
143
00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:05,200
I mean, the world is her oyster.
144
00:07:05,243 --> 00:07:07,637
Girl who plays the tuba
sounds like
145
00:07:07,681 --> 00:07:09,683
a perfect last-minute
prom invite.
146
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:11,772
Are you sure?
I mean, my coolest move...
147
00:07:11,815 --> 00:07:14,035
:
is my robot voice.
148
00:07:14,078 --> 00:07:15,558
Yeah.
149
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:18,126
Ooh. Maybe, uh,
maybe go text her.
150
00:07:19,170 --> 00:07:20,258
What are you doing here?
151
00:07:20,302 --> 00:07:22,696
Ernie's asking a girl
to the prom.
152
00:07:22,739 --> 00:07:24,132
The hell he is.
153
00:07:24,175 --> 00:07:26,874
I'm trying to help this boy.
Look at this nerd.
154
00:07:26,917 --> 00:07:29,137
He was born
stuffed in a locker. Ow!
155
00:07:29,180 --> 00:07:30,791
He's sitting right there.
156
00:07:30,834 --> 00:07:33,881
It's okay, ma'am.
I know what I am.
157
00:07:33,924 --> 00:07:38,494
You know, back when I was very,very, very cool in high school,
158
00:07:38,537 --> 00:07:40,888
I used to mess with nerds
like Ernie all the time.
159
00:07:40,931 --> 00:07:44,805
At my prom, I pantsed a nerd
and I made him eat worms.
160
00:07:44,848 --> 00:07:46,894
You brought worms to the prom?
161
00:07:46,937 --> 00:07:48,896
No. I made another nerd
bring them to me.
162
00:07:48,939 --> 00:07:50,071
That's how cool I was.
163
00:07:50,114 --> 00:07:51,725
You see,
164
00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:53,683
now I'm making up for all that.
165
00:07:53,727 --> 00:07:55,903
I am using my present
166
00:07:55,946 --> 00:07:58,296
to fix my past--
much like they did
167
00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:00,690
in Back to the Future
and Back to the Future II,
168
00:08:00,734 --> 00:08:02,518
and I assume
Back to the Future III,
169
00:08:02,561 --> 00:08:03,824
but I didn't see that one.
170
00:08:03,867 --> 00:08:05,782
Shauna said yes.
171
00:08:05,826 --> 00:08:07,610
I texted her, and she said yes.
172
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:09,133
Thanks to Miss Margaret. Oh.
173
00:08:09,177 --> 00:08:12,397
Good for you.
I think what you really needed
174
00:08:12,441 --> 00:08:14,965
was a good woman-tor.
175
00:08:15,009 --> 00:08:17,359
Isn't that what
you said earlier, Hank?
176
00:08:17,402 --> 00:08:20,928
You say so much stupid crap,
it's hard to keep track.
177
00:08:22,364 --> 00:08:23,931
:
This is awesome.
178
00:08:23,974 --> 00:08:25,759
I'm going to boogie at prom.
179
00:08:27,151 --> 00:08:28,805
They gonna kill this boy,
Margaret.
180
00:08:36,465 --> 00:08:38,119
Hey, Hank.
181
00:08:38,162 --> 00:08:39,511
Ernie wanted to say goodbye
182
00:08:39,555 --> 00:08:40,948
before he heads off
to the dance.
183
00:08:40,991 --> 00:08:42,514
I got him this far,
but he wants you
184
00:08:42,558 --> 00:08:43,951
to tie his bow tie for him.
185
00:08:43,994 --> 00:08:45,213
Well, okay,
186
00:08:45,256 --> 00:08:46,910
but only because
you got him looking
187
00:08:46,954 --> 00:08:50,000
like he's about to fix
James Bond's laptop.
188
00:08:50,044 --> 00:08:51,567
Now, if it was me,
189
00:08:51,610 --> 00:08:53,656
I'd have put you
in a purple suit
190
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:55,179
with a couple two-finger rings.
191
00:08:55,223 --> 00:08:57,094
So you want him
to look like a pimp?
192
00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:59,009
Margaret, women like pimps.
193
00:08:59,053 --> 00:09:00,794
That's how pimps become pimps.
194
00:09:01,925 --> 00:09:03,448
Now, stop distracting me.
195
00:09:03,492 --> 00:09:04,449
Hold up.
196
00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,973
There you go.
197
00:09:06,016 --> 00:09:07,757
All set.
198
00:09:07,801 --> 00:09:09,411
Okay.
199
00:09:09,454 --> 00:09:11,805
Well, we'll fix that
before you go.
200
00:09:11,848 --> 00:09:13,589
Looks like a cat did it.
201
00:09:13,632 --> 00:09:15,852
He's gonna kill at the dance,
by the way.
202
00:09:15,896 --> 00:09:18,550
-Show him the new dance move
I taught you, Ern.
-Okay.
203
00:09:18,594 --> 00:09:20,248
One sweet move coming right up.
204
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,991
Mm-hmm.
205
00:09:24,034 --> 00:09:26,254
So, I guess Margaret's
pretty adamant
206
00:09:26,297 --> 00:09:28,952
about you remaining
a virgin, huh?
207
00:09:28,996 --> 00:09:30,998
Ernie, put
a little more hip into it.
208
00:09:31,041 --> 00:09:33,043
Hips. Come on,
find that hip, sweetie.
209
00:09:33,087 --> 00:09:34,653
-Come on.
-This? Right here?
210
00:09:34,697 --> 00:09:36,830
-Come on, you got it.
-No, Ernie, Ernie.
211
00:09:36,873 --> 00:09:37,831
-Ernie.
-Yeah?
212
00:09:37,874 --> 00:09:39,789
If you gonna go, hang back.
213
00:09:39,833 --> 00:09:42,052
Lean against the wall.
214
00:09:42,096 --> 00:09:44,098
Nod your head to the music.
215
00:09:46,709 --> 00:09:49,016
Occasionally,
you point to your friend.
216
00:09:49,059 --> 00:09:50,713
Oh.
217
00:09:51,758 --> 00:09:53,803
Okay, so this?
218
00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:57,589
Yeah, that's it.
219
00:09:57,633 --> 00:09:58,982
Okay. All right.
220
00:09:59,026 --> 00:10:01,028
All right, you got it now.
221
00:10:01,071 --> 00:10:02,507
-Hey, Mom.
-Wait, what?
222
00:10:02,551 --> 00:10:04,031
Mom?
223
00:10:04,074 --> 00:10:05,380
I said friend.
224
00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:07,034
My mom is my best friend.
225
00:10:07,077 --> 00:10:08,818
Oh, damn it.
226
00:10:08,862 --> 00:10:10,994
Okay. We gonna have to pull
the plug on this one.
227
00:10:11,038 --> 00:10:12,387
He's gonna embarrass himself.
228
00:10:12,430 --> 00:10:14,084
Shauna is gonna laugh at you.
229
00:10:14,128 --> 00:10:15,956
Laugh at me?
Is that really gonna happen?
230
00:10:15,999 --> 00:10:18,001
No, she is not
gonna laugh at you.
231
00:10:18,045 --> 00:10:20,961
You saved her from spending
prom night with her tuba.
232
00:10:21,004 --> 00:10:23,877
-Oh, she's bringing her tuba.
-Oh, damn it.
233
00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,967
You gonna have nerd blood
on your hands, Margaret.
234
00:10:27,010 --> 00:10:29,317
Nerd blood!
235
00:10:34,931 --> 00:10:38,848
Look. Did you fall off
a stationary bike? Sure.
236
00:10:38,892 --> 00:10:41,285
Is that virtually impossible
to do? Absolutely.
237
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,637
But you can't give up.
John's worth it.
238
00:10:45,681 --> 00:10:47,944
But I'm scared.
239
00:10:47,988 --> 00:10:50,251
I mean, cars whizzing around.
240
00:10:50,294 --> 00:10:51,905
What about birds?
241
00:10:51,948 --> 00:10:54,081
There are so many distractions.
242
00:10:54,124 --> 00:10:55,430
And with my A.D.D...
243
00:10:55,473 --> 00:10:58,128
Cookies.
We're having cookies tonight.
244
00:10:58,172 --> 00:11:02,089
What kind of lunatic sends
a nerd to the prom?
245
00:11:02,132 --> 00:11:04,569
I mean, she is sending the lambto the slaughter.
246
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:08,312
Oh, so you're just starting
your own conversation?
247
00:11:08,356 --> 00:11:09,879
I think Shauna's setting him up.
248
00:11:09,923 --> 00:11:12,012
This whole thing
may be one big prank.
249
00:11:12,055 --> 00:11:14,753
Oh, Hank, why does your mind
go to these places?
250
00:11:14,797 --> 00:11:17,234
Because high schoolers
are the spawn of Satan
251
00:11:17,278 --> 00:11:21,282
and their actions are at
the direction of Beelzebub.
252
00:11:21,325 --> 00:11:23,588
Sid, I think you could learn
from Ernie.
253
00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:27,157
That dorky bastard
has a 90% chance
254
00:11:27,201 --> 00:11:29,943
of being hung from a flagpole
by his underwear,
255
00:11:29,986 --> 00:11:32,728
and he still went to prom.
256
00:11:32,771 --> 00:11:35,600
Unless he rode a bike
to the prom,
257
00:11:35,644 --> 00:11:38,081
I fail to see the connection.
258
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:44,827
You got the Hank.
259
00:11:44,871 --> 00:11:46,089
Yeah, Ernie.
260
00:11:46,133 --> 00:11:49,049
Oh, okay, w-well, calm down.
261
00:11:49,092 --> 00:11:50,050
Speak slowly.
262
00:11:50,093 --> 00:11:53,792
Damn it, please,
not that robot voice.
263
00:11:53,836 --> 00:11:55,794
All right, sit tight.
I'm coming to you.
264
00:11:57,013 --> 00:11:58,841
Ernie's too scared
to go into the dance,
265
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,147
so he's hiding out
in the bathroom.
266
00:12:00,190 --> 00:12:02,584
I told you he wasn't ready
for no prom.
267
00:12:02,627 --> 00:12:04,716
-See, this is all your fault.
-What, my fault?
268
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,067
If he's scared, it's 'cause
of all the stuff you said.
269
00:12:07,110 --> 00:12:10,548
Your goodbye to him included
the phrase "nerd blood."
270
00:12:10,592 --> 00:12:12,420
-Come on.
-Why can't John and I
271
00:12:12,463 --> 00:12:15,336
just do normal boyfriend stuff
like have sex?
272
00:12:15,379 --> 00:12:18,078
I'm good at that.
I've never once fallen off.
273
00:12:24,214 --> 00:12:26,390
I'm gonna grab our boy, and we
gonna head on out of here.
274
00:12:26,434 --> 00:12:29,089
Wow! Look at this place.
Like my old school.
275
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:30,786
The trophy cases.
276
00:12:30,829 --> 00:12:32,831
The mascot on the floor.
277
00:12:32,875 --> 00:12:35,008
Our team was the Gators.
278
00:12:35,051 --> 00:12:36,966
We're boom, dynamite.
279
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:38,663
We're boom,
dynamite.
280
00:12:38,707 --> 00:12:40,839
We're tick-tick-tick-tick-
tick-tick-tick-tick.
281
00:12:40,883 --> 00:12:42,450
Boom, dynamite.
282
00:12:42,493 --> 00:12:44,756
Snap. Crunch.
283
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,846
Go, Gators.
284
00:12:49,674 --> 00:12:51,894
I didn't follow that at all.
285
00:12:53,113 --> 00:12:54,941
So the gator ate the dynamite?
286
00:12:56,203 --> 00:12:58,248
Well, let me guess.
287
00:12:58,292 --> 00:13:01,034
-You were on the cheer squad.
-You're damn straight.
288
00:13:01,077 --> 00:13:03,036
I used to haze
those freshmen cheerleaders.
289
00:13:03,079 --> 00:13:05,168
They called me "The Enforcer."
290
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:08,128
I mean, nothing too crazy.
Just the usual.
291
00:13:08,171 --> 00:13:10,434
Hit 'em with a sack of boots.
292
00:13:10,478 --> 00:13:13,350
You hit people with boots?
That's horrible.
293
00:13:13,394 --> 00:13:16,049
That kind of thing
can scar people for life.
294
00:13:16,092 --> 00:13:18,703
Me? You were worse than me.
You fed a kid worms.
295
00:13:18,747 --> 00:13:20,618
No, I didn't.
296
00:13:20,662 --> 00:13:23,404
Y-yeah, I did, I mean.
297
00:13:23,447 --> 00:13:25,188
Well, did you or didn't you?
298
00:13:25,232 --> 00:13:27,799
Uh, I...
299
00:13:27,843 --> 00:13:30,063
Can I see that cheer again?
300
00:13:30,106 --> 00:13:33,892
Did you feed worms to a kid
or did you not?
301
00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:35,285
Because this seems
like something
302
00:13:35,329 --> 00:13:36,852
that you would remember.
303
00:13:36,895 --> 00:13:39,289
Of course I remember.
304
00:13:39,333 --> 00:13:42,205
'Cause I was fed those worms.
305
00:13:42,249 --> 00:13:45,165
I was tortured every day
in high school.
306
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:48,081
Haven't you ever wondered
why I don't fish?
307
00:13:50,779 --> 00:13:52,737
No.
308
00:13:52,781 --> 00:13:57,133
I know exactly what Ernie
is going through.
309
00:13:57,177 --> 00:14:01,224
So if you'll excuse me,
Your Highness, the prom queen,
310
00:14:01,268 --> 00:14:04,271
I'm gonna grab our boy
and we going home.
311
00:14:04,314 --> 00:14:07,056
Oh, Hank, I am really sorry
that happened to you,
312
00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:10,668
and about you
not being able to fish.
313
00:14:12,279 --> 00:14:15,064
But this isn't about you.
It's about Ernie.
314
00:14:15,108 --> 00:14:18,067
It could go great, or it
could go really, really bad,
315
00:14:18,111 --> 00:14:20,852
but you got to let Ernie
find that out for himself.
316
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:22,985
No, you wouldn't understand.
317
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:25,466
'Cause you were cool.
318
00:14:25,509 --> 00:14:29,426
So, if you'll excuse me,
there is a teenage boy
319
00:14:29,470 --> 00:14:32,516
that needs me in the bathroom.
320
00:14:38,174 --> 00:14:40,481
Okay, Sid.
I solved your outside problem.
321
00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:42,352
No cars. No birds.
322
00:14:42,396 --> 00:14:45,877
Just you, the bike
and the open hallway.
323
00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:47,488
-I'm gonna do it.
-All right.
324
00:14:47,531 --> 00:14:49,446
-On the count of three.
-Okay.
325
00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:52,101
One... two...
326
00:14:52,145 --> 00:14:53,755
-I can't do it.
327
00:14:55,365 --> 00:14:57,585
John needs to find
a new boyfriend.
328
00:14:57,628 --> 00:15:01,328
I might as well just get out ofthis thing before he dumps me.
329
00:15:01,371 --> 00:15:03,634
Plus, this helmet
is hurting my ears.
330
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,464
All right, you're right.
331
00:15:07,508 --> 00:15:10,250
Yeah, he needs someone
less pathetic.
332
00:15:10,293 --> 00:15:15,037
It is unnatural for humans
to be on two wheels.
333
00:15:15,081 --> 00:15:16,473
-Four, I get.
-Mm-hmm.
334
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:18,127
-Three, I get.
-Mm-hmm.
335
00:15:18,171 --> 00:15:21,261
One is weird but cute
when animals do it.
336
00:15:21,304 --> 00:15:24,177
But two I do not get.
337
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:27,267
Well, you know who does get two?
338
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:30,357
John's next boyfriend...
339
00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,054
Pierre.
340
00:15:32,098 --> 00:15:35,231
He's a French expat
living in the Bahamas.
341
00:15:35,275 --> 00:15:37,494
And you know what
the French love, don't you?
342
00:15:37,538 --> 00:15:40,280
Turtlenecks.
343
00:15:40,323 --> 00:15:43,152
Well, yes, but...
344
00:15:43,196 --> 00:15:44,980
also bikes.
345
00:15:45,023 --> 00:15:48,288
I can see it now,
riding off into the sunset,
346
00:15:48,331 --> 00:15:51,987
John and Pierre,
in their matching turtlenecks.
347
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:55,295
Oh, hell no.
John is my boyfriend.
348
00:15:55,338 --> 00:15:57,645
Screw you, Pierre.
349
00:15:57,688 --> 00:15:59,212
John, here I come.
350
00:15:59,255 --> 00:16:02,215
Oh. Oh. Oh, my God.
I'm riding a bike.
351
00:16:02,258 --> 00:16:03,999
You tricked me, Charlie.
Thank you.
352
00:16:04,042 --> 00:16:05,218
No, that's all you, Sid.
353
00:16:05,261 --> 00:16:07,394
Now stop before you hit
that table.
354
00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:09,396
Uh, I don't know how to stop.
355
00:16:09,439 --> 00:16:12,355
Scared. Your boy's real scared.
356
00:16:16,403 --> 00:16:20,058
Ouch. I should have left
that helmet on.
357
00:16:20,102 --> 00:16:22,452
I see that now.
358
00:16:22,496 --> 00:16:25,368
Does anybody work here?
359
00:16:35,291 --> 00:16:36,814
Ernie, you in here?
360
00:16:36,858 --> 00:16:39,034
Yeah.
-Listen.
361
00:16:40,078 --> 00:16:41,645
I got to tell you something
362
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:44,387
that's gonna rock you
to your core.
363
00:16:45,432 --> 00:16:48,174
The coolest person you know...
364
00:16:49,479 --> 00:16:51,481
...was a nerd.
365
00:16:52,874 --> 00:16:55,268
My mom?
366
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,187
:
Do not hit the boy.
367
00:17:03,319 --> 00:17:06,496
I'm wearing my fake butt
underwear, and still nothing.
368
00:17:06,540 --> 00:17:08,368
If he doesn't ask me
to dance soon,
369
00:17:08,411 --> 00:17:10,239
I'm just gonna ask him.
370
00:17:10,283 --> 00:17:13,329
Hey, gals. I couldn't help
but overhearing.
371
00:17:13,373 --> 00:17:15,418
Butt looks terrif', by the way.
372
00:17:17,551 --> 00:17:21,468
I was my high school's
prom queen.
373
00:17:21,511 --> 00:17:23,121
So...
374
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:26,516
So...?
375
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:30,041
So, if you need
any advice on anything,
376
00:17:30,085 --> 00:17:32,130
you know, prom-related,
377
00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:35,177
-Maggie Mag's here to help.
378
00:17:36,222 --> 00:17:37,658
Thanks.
379
00:17:37,701 --> 00:17:41,052
But we don't need any advice
from some lame grandma.
380
00:17:41,096 --> 00:17:44,708
Lame? I smoked pot.
381
00:17:44,752 --> 00:17:47,755
And I had lots and lots of sex.
382
00:17:47,798 --> 00:17:50,497
And back then, we didn't even
use any protection.
383
00:17:50,540 --> 00:17:54,152
We just lit a cigarette
and said a prayer.
384
00:17:54,196 --> 00:17:56,546
Smoking's gross.
385
00:17:56,590 --> 00:17:58,287
And we practice abstinence.
386
00:17:58,331 --> 00:18:00,507
Abstinence?
387
00:18:00,550 --> 00:18:03,292
Good luck getting
that guy to dance with you.
388
00:18:05,512 --> 00:18:09,429
So, after I washed the taste
of worms out of my mouth,
389
00:18:09,472 --> 00:18:11,431
I went back on the dance floor,
390
00:18:11,474 --> 00:18:13,084
and I saw the same dude
391
00:18:13,128 --> 00:18:15,565
that fed me the worms
dancing with my date.
392
00:18:15,609 --> 00:18:19,395
I spent the rest of the night
crying under the bleachers.
393
00:18:19,439 --> 00:18:22,442
For the next two years, everytime I walked down the hallway,
394
00:18:22,485 --> 00:18:25,532
all I heard was, "Crybaby ass!"
395
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,926
"You need a hankie, Hankie?"
396
00:18:28,970 --> 00:18:33,409
"Hey, Hankie, Hankie,
with your crybaby ass."
397
00:18:34,758 --> 00:18:37,326
Well, you get the point.
398
00:18:42,505 --> 00:18:44,464
I cry sometimes, too.
399
00:18:46,770 --> 00:18:49,556
Whoa, whoa, hey,
whoa, whoa, Ernie.
400
00:18:49,599 --> 00:18:52,385
Ernie, we in the bathroom.
401
00:18:52,428 --> 00:18:54,909
Yeah. Let-let's get out of here.
402
00:18:54,952 --> 00:18:57,390
Prom's not a place
for nerds like us.
403
00:18:57,433 --> 00:18:59,392
Yeah, but you didn't let me
finish my story.
404
00:18:59,435 --> 00:19:01,481
I told you what I did,
405
00:19:01,524 --> 00:19:03,700
but I didn't tell you
what I should have done.
406
00:19:03,744 --> 00:19:06,224
I should have gone back out
on that dance floor
407
00:19:06,268 --> 00:19:08,357
and danced my butt off.
408
00:19:08,401 --> 00:19:09,924
You can still do that.
409
00:19:09,967 --> 00:19:11,491
You think so?
410
00:19:11,534 --> 00:19:13,057
I know so.
411
00:19:13,101 --> 00:19:14,624
Just 'cause bad stuff
happened to me
412
00:19:14,668 --> 00:19:16,409
doesn't mean
it's gonna happen to you.
413
00:19:16,452 --> 00:19:19,368
Go on out there and find Shauna.
414
00:19:19,412 --> 00:19:21,501
Yeah, uh, okay.
415
00:19:21,544 --> 00:19:23,024
How do I look?
416
00:19:23,067 --> 00:19:25,243
Like a little pimp.
417
00:19:25,287 --> 00:19:26,549
You feel good?
418
00:19:26,593 --> 00:19:30,423
:
Affirmative, Mr. Hank.
419
00:19:30,466 --> 00:19:33,774
:
Go out there and make
some memories.
420
00:19:37,865 --> 00:19:39,432
Whew.
421
00:19:46,830 --> 00:19:48,702
It's Ernie's turn.
422
00:19:51,313 --> 00:19:54,185
Oh, a kiss on the cheek.
423
00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:57,841
That's like third base
for a nerd, but you know that.
424
00:19:57,885 --> 00:20:00,191
I can't believe it,
but I did it.
425
00:20:00,235 --> 00:20:03,630
I'm a pretty good mentor
after all, aren't I?
426
00:20:03,673 --> 00:20:05,240
No, not really.
427
00:20:05,283 --> 00:20:08,461
So, uh,
would you like to get a photo
428
00:20:08,504 --> 00:20:10,463
with the prom queen?
429
00:20:10,506 --> 00:20:13,422
I don't know,
she looks kind of mean.
430
00:20:13,466 --> 00:20:16,033
I'm talking about me.
431
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,429
Hey, yo, toots,
can I borrow this for a sec?
432
00:20:35,531 --> 00:20:38,491
You know what, Hank?
I feel like I really know now
433
00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:40,493
what it feels like to be a nerd.
434
00:20:40,536 --> 00:20:42,233
When you were in the bathroom
with Ernie,
435
00:20:42,277 --> 00:20:44,061
I ran into
these three mean girls,
436
00:20:44,105 --> 00:20:46,063
and they called me "lame."
437
00:20:46,107 --> 00:20:49,153
So I feel your pain.
438
00:20:52,635 --> 00:20:55,638
I ate worms, Margaret.
439
00:20:55,682 --> 00:20:57,684
So, you gotten any update?
440
00:20:57,727 --> 00:20:59,729
What happened with Ernie
and Shauna?
441
00:20:59,773 --> 00:21:03,472
Ernie and Shauna had a great
time at the prom last night.
442
00:21:03,516 --> 00:21:06,606
So great that tonight,
Ernie and Shauna
443
00:21:06,649 --> 00:21:09,826
and Ernie's mom
are going out again.
444
00:21:09,870 --> 00:21:12,176
Good news here--
I learned how to ride a bike.
445
00:21:12,220 --> 00:21:14,352
I also learned that when
you crack your coccyx,
446
00:21:14,396 --> 00:21:17,486
your three best friends
don't even send you flowers.
447
00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:20,620
I'm serious, you can just
get 'em off the fireplace,
448
00:21:20,663 --> 00:21:22,448
bring me something.
449
00:21:23,579 --> 00:21:26,756
And I learned...
450
00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:30,107
Hell, we don't all have
to learn something, do we?
451
00:21:30,151 --> 00:21:32,022
I'm frickin' 70.
452
00:21:33,807 --> 00:21:35,765
That's pretty good.
453
00:21:35,809 --> 00:21:38,681
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454
00:21:40,901 --> 00:21:42,903
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