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1
00:00:03,090 --> 00:00:04,874
Charlie, please.
2
00:00:04,917 --> 00:00:06,702
Please let me sign your cast.
3
00:00:06,745 --> 00:00:08,921
No. You laughed when I fell
and hurt my wrist.
4
00:00:08,965 --> 00:00:10,836
You will never sign this cast.
5
00:00:10,880 --> 00:00:12,751
What? Are you guys still arguing
about this?
6
00:00:12,795 --> 00:00:14,318
You're supposed to be adults.
7
00:00:14,362 --> 00:00:17,756
You have a combined age of 140.
8
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:20,107
I'm sorry, it was funny
when he fell.
9
00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:22,109
He was carrying
a hot fudge sundae
10
00:00:22,152 --> 00:00:24,850
and the cherry landed
on his belly button.
11
00:00:24,894 --> 00:00:27,157
I'm only human.
12
00:00:27,201 --> 00:00:30,334
-Hank, please talk
some sense into these two.
-I'd like to,
13
00:00:30,378 --> 00:00:32,075
but I was unaware of the cherry
in the belly button.
14
00:00:32,119 --> 00:00:34,121
That changes everything.
15
00:00:34,164 --> 00:00:37,472
Friends let friends
sign their casts.
16
00:00:37,515 --> 00:00:40,301
You're right. Friends do
let friends sign their casts.
17
00:00:40,344 --> 00:00:43,173
Hank, would you, uh, be so kind?
18
00:00:43,217 --> 00:00:44,740
And Margaret.
19
00:00:44,783 --> 00:00:48,526
Oh, great. Hank is signing
in the spot I picked out.
20
00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:51,094
This is outrageous.
21
00:00:51,138 --> 00:00:54,750
Do you think that you two could,
uh, settle this by recess?
22
00:00:54,793 --> 00:00:57,144
My friend Joanie is gonna
stop by today. I want to
23
00:00:57,187 --> 00:00:59,102
show her how awesome
my new life is here.
24
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:01,322
You have other friends than us?
25
00:01:01,365 --> 00:01:02,801
Yeah, don't you guys?
26
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:07,589
Okay. Well...
27
00:01:07,632 --> 00:01:09,939
Joanie and I got divorced
around the same time,
28
00:01:09,982 --> 00:01:12,028
and when we met
we became inseparable.
29
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:14,030
You guys are gonna love her.
She paints,
30
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:16,206
she sculpts,
she makes jewelry...
31
00:01:16,250 --> 00:01:18,948
Still waiting for the stuff
we'll love.
32
00:01:18,991 --> 00:01:21,037
Oh. Well,
I forgot to mention
33
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:23,126
she also farts the alphabet.
34
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:24,954
Seriously?
35
00:01:24,997 --> 00:01:27,130
No, but I can burp
the Pledge of Allegiance.
36
00:01:27,174 --> 00:01:29,045
Oh!
37
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:31,613
Joanie! Wow!
38
00:01:31,656 --> 00:01:34,224
-Did you just get back
from Oldchella?
-Oh!
39
00:01:34,268 --> 00:01:36,008
-Oh, you're bad.
40
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:41,362
Does this morgue have a bar?
41
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,538
Hey, Joanie, meet Sid, Charlie,
42
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:45,409
-and Hank.
-Hi.
43
00:01:45,453 --> 00:01:46,845
Small, medium, and large.
44
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:49,196
I love it.
45
00:01:49,239 --> 00:01:52,155
Would you like to sign my cast?
46
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,288
Be honored.
47
00:01:54,331 --> 00:01:55,202
What?!
48
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,552
You don't even know her.
49
00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:59,162
Oh, a heart over the I--
50
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:00,772
real original, Joanie.
51
00:02:00,816 --> 00:02:02,905
You're a frigging trailblazer.
52
00:02:27,364 --> 00:02:30,672
-: And when you
grabbed that guy's keys...
-Yeah!
53
00:02:30,715 --> 00:02:33,196
:
And then back at the hotel...
54
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,895
You guys should have seen the
look on the pool boy's face.
55
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,377
This is the fifth story
you told today
56
00:02:40,421 --> 00:02:42,901
that doesn't have a beginning,
a middle or an end.
57
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,904
Yeah, ladies, I feel like
I'm watching Harry Potter--
58
00:02:45,948 --> 00:02:49,386
I'm not sure what's going on
and I'm not sure I care.
59
00:02:49,430 --> 00:02:52,259
: You've really been
talking this place up,
60
00:02:52,302 --> 00:02:54,783
but it... as far as I can see,
at first glance,
61
00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:57,002
-it seems a little sleepy.
62
00:02:57,046 --> 00:02:59,091
Oh, that's 'cause
you looking at Larry.
63
00:03:01,398 --> 00:03:04,227
It also seems like a place
where people come to die.
64
00:03:04,271 --> 00:03:06,795
No. You're thinking
of a nursing home.
65
00:03:06,838 --> 00:03:08,666
This is a retirement community.
66
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:12,104
Nothing but sex, drugs,
and sex-drugs.
67
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,499
In all fairness,
a lot of people do die here.
68
00:03:15,543 --> 00:03:19,155
It's like a horror movie
without the suspense.
69
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:21,070
So what's the plan tonight?
70
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:23,290
How far away is Tijuana?
71
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,030
Oh, no.
We can't go back there.
72
00:03:25,074 --> 00:03:27,468
Those nuns'll still
be looking for us.
73
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:31,472
Margaret's got much cooler plans
than that for tonight.
74
00:03:31,515 --> 00:03:35,302
We are going to
the Shady Meadows Luau.
75
00:03:35,345 --> 00:03:37,652
I, for one, hope to get lei'd.
76
00:03:39,393 --> 00:03:41,351
-The lei, of course,
is a flowery necklace
-Yeah.
77
00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:42,657
from Hawaii.
78
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:46,051
It also means sex.
79
00:03:46,095 --> 00:03:47,966
A clever play on words.
80
00:03:52,362 --> 00:03:55,365
Now, Joanie,
you gonna help Margaret,
81
00:03:55,409 --> 00:03:58,890
who will assume her usual role
as my, uh, honey funneler.
82
00:03:58,934 --> 00:04:01,153
-Honey funneler?
-That is right.
83
00:04:01,197 --> 00:04:02,546
She funnels the honeys to me.
84
00:04:02,590 --> 00:04:04,505
I woo them with my humor.
85
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:06,289
And the next thing you know,
I got an apple in my mouth
86
00:04:06,333 --> 00:04:08,683
and a grass skirt
on my bedroom floor.
87
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:09,901
Yeah?
88
00:04:09,945 --> 00:04:11,642
We're not doing that.
89
00:04:11,686 --> 00:04:12,991
Margaret, shall we?
90
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,297
Yeah, yeah, I... Sorry Hank.
91
00:04:14,341 --> 00:04:15,994
Uh, we're out
for ourselves tonight.
92
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:18,345
You're gonna have to funnel
your own honey.
93
00:04:18,388 --> 00:04:20,521
Okay, Charlie.
94
00:04:20,564 --> 00:04:23,437
I bought you pineapple,
ham and cornichons.
95
00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,482
Or, as you like to call them,
"little pickles."
96
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:29,181
Which, coincidentally,
was my nickname in junior high.
97
00:04:29,225 --> 00:04:31,358
Charlie, I'm sorry I laughed.
98
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:33,577
Now can I sign your cast?
99
00:04:33,621 --> 00:04:34,796
No.
100
00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,581
And I'm gonna need more
little pickles, Little Pickles.
101
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,802
I didn't say I liked
that nickname.
102
00:04:40,845 --> 00:04:43,892
There are actually a lot of cute
guys here at Sweaty Middles.
103
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:45,807
Shady Meadows.
104
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:47,548
And that's what I've been trying
to tell you.
105
00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:49,027
This is like a college dorm,
106
00:04:49,071 --> 00:04:52,422
except everybody's got
macular degeneration.
107
00:04:52,466 --> 00:04:53,989
Hey, girl.
108
00:04:54,032 --> 00:04:56,557
Are you that offensive graffiti
somebody painted
109
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,994
on the grocery store?
'Cause I can't believe
110
00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:01,301
nobody's taken you off
the market.
111
00:05:02,737 --> 00:05:05,740
Swing and a miss.
112
00:05:05,783 --> 00:05:07,219
Damn that Joanie.
113
00:05:07,263 --> 00:05:08,786
She's hogging my wing woman.
114
00:05:13,182 --> 00:05:14,531
It's fine.
I don't need her.
115
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:16,141
Check this out.
116
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:20,407
Baby doll,
are you my 1970 Chevelle
117
00:05:20,450 --> 00:05:21,495
that I backed into a tree?
118
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:23,627
'Cause your trunk is on fire.
119
00:05:25,586 --> 00:05:27,805
Wow, she didn't even slow down.
120
00:05:27,849 --> 00:05:30,504
You know, Charlie, keep in mind,
121
00:05:30,547 --> 00:05:32,419
many of these women
are lesbians.
122
00:05:36,771 --> 00:05:38,642
Thank you.
123
00:05:38,686 --> 00:05:40,427
Well, Margaret
didn't show again.
124
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:43,255
I ended up having to eat
her breakfast.
125
00:05:43,299 --> 00:05:45,997
You didn't have to.
126
00:05:46,041 --> 00:05:48,522
Not only did she ignore us
at the luau,
127
00:05:48,565 --> 00:05:50,611
she totally stood me up
128
00:05:50,654 --> 00:05:53,353
for our RuPaul's Drag Race
marathon last night.
129
00:05:55,050 --> 00:05:57,400
I made 100 mini pizzas.
130
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:59,750
I had to eat them all
by myself.
131
00:05:59,794 --> 00:06:02,623
Well, again, you didn't have to.
132
00:06:02,666 --> 00:06:04,407
Well, she stood me up
this morning, too.
133
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,540
We were supposed to go golfing
this morning.
134
00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,237
I get paired with Dudley.
135
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:10,413
-That man shot a 462.
136
00:06:10,457 --> 00:06:12,589
We only golfed nine holes.
137
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,810
Yeah, Joanie is throwing
everything out of whack.
138
00:06:15,853 --> 00:06:17,420
You know, Margaret's the one
139
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,335
that always tells me
when my fly is open,
140
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:20,684
and look at that--
141
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,818
wide open.
142
00:06:23,861 --> 00:06:27,256
Not only is Joanie
stealing our friend, but with
143
00:06:27,299 --> 00:06:28,779
Charlie icing me out,
144
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,434
I'm basically down to one:
you, Hank.
145
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:34,481
Would you like to watch
RuPaul's Drag Racetonight?
146
00:06:34,524 --> 00:06:36,918
No, I don't want to watch
RuPaul's Drag Racewith you.
147
00:06:36,961 --> 00:06:38,485
That's the last thing I need,
148
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,312
is to fall in love
with one of them gals.
149
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,795
I am too old to be questioning
my sexuality.
150
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,580
That is a Margaret show.
151
00:06:46,623 --> 00:06:48,538
And I'm gonna tell her
as soon as she shows up.
152
00:06:48,582 --> 00:06:50,322
You know,
I have had it with her.
153
00:06:50,366 --> 00:06:52,716
I'm gonna tell her she needs to
get this Joanie up out of here.
154
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:55,153
Hey, guys!
155
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:57,808
I come bearing great news,
156
00:06:57,852 --> 00:07:00,332
and morning hooch.
157
00:07:00,376 --> 00:07:02,160
We're gonna have to pull
a fifth chair up
158
00:07:02,204 --> 00:07:05,250
to this table, because...
159
00:07:05,294 --> 00:07:07,165
I'm moving in.
160
00:07:09,124 --> 00:07:10,734
-Yay.
161
00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:13,084
Woo-hoo.
162
00:07:21,571 --> 00:07:23,094
Yup, my lease was up,
163
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,618
my best friend lives here--
164
00:07:24,661 --> 00:07:26,184
what's not to love?
165
00:07:30,406 --> 00:07:33,191
-I'm heading over
to the sales office right now.
-Yup.
166
00:07:33,235 --> 00:07:35,542
We found out
there's a unit available.
167
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:38,283
Tippy Kominsky's family
just pulled the plug.
168
00:07:38,327 --> 00:07:40,721
How great is that?
169
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,505
Oh, no, Tippy died?
170
00:07:42,549 --> 00:07:44,376
She owed me money.
171
00:07:46,204 --> 00:07:50,078
Margaret, we need to talk. Now,
how do I say this delicately?
172
00:07:50,121 --> 00:07:51,775
We don't like this Joanie
173
00:07:51,819 --> 00:07:53,777
and we like you less
when you around her.
174
00:07:53,821 --> 00:07:56,301
What? Where is this
coming from?
175
00:07:56,345 --> 00:07:59,609
Margaret, you're blowing
off your obligation to us
176
00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,655
to hang out with this Joanie.
177
00:08:01,698 --> 00:08:03,874
Now, when you sat down
at this table
178
00:08:03,918 --> 00:08:05,746
and joined this group
of friends,
179
00:08:05,789 --> 00:08:07,356
you signed a contract.
180
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,185
-I didn't sign anything.
Yes, you did.
181
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:13,144
Your butt cheek was the pen.
182
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:15,538
That chair was the paper.
183
00:08:15,582 --> 00:08:17,714
When you put butt cheek pen
184
00:08:17,758 --> 00:08:19,760
to chair paper,
185
00:08:19,803 --> 00:08:22,153
a contract was signed
186
00:08:22,197 --> 00:08:25,635
and sealed, and you
are forever bound.
187
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,726
Wow, we really need
to get you laid.
188
00:08:32,163 --> 00:08:35,166
If it's hard for you to tell her
she can't move in, I can do it.
189
00:08:35,210 --> 00:08:37,821
I'll be firm but bitchy.
190
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:40,432
Why don't you let me be firm
but bitchy?
191
00:08:40,476 --> 00:08:43,218
Not exactly a stretch.
192
00:08:44,828 --> 00:08:47,135
You guys are freaking out
over nothing.
193
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:49,572
I can be friends with you
and with Joanie, too.
194
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:52,575
We can all get along if you will
just give her a chance.
195
00:08:52,619 --> 00:08:54,011
Charlie, your fly is down.
196
00:08:54,055 --> 00:08:56,666
Yeah. And I had to figure
that out on my own.
197
00:08:57,667 --> 00:09:00,888
Well, honey, if you figured it
out, then why's it still down?
198
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,587
Hank, Joanie's really great,
just give her a shot.
199
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:06,807
Okay? Go talk to her.
You will like her.
200
00:09:06,850 --> 00:09:09,810
We'll make an amendment
to your butt cheek contract.
201
00:09:09,853 --> 00:09:11,725
Yeah, I'll talk to her.
202
00:09:11,768 --> 00:09:12,987
But just remember:
203
00:09:13,030 --> 00:09:15,816
chair contract, butt cheek pen.
204
00:09:15,859 --> 00:09:17,252
Butt cheek paper
doesn't even make sense.
205
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:18,775
Think, woman.
206
00:09:27,436 --> 00:09:30,221
-Geez.
-Hey.
207
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,441
Margaret said I should
get to know you, so, uh...
208
00:09:32,484 --> 00:09:35,749
what's your favorite food?
209
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:39,666
That is a really weird way
to start a conversation.
210
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:41,885
But...
211
00:09:41,929 --> 00:09:43,887
popcorn.
212
00:09:43,931 --> 00:09:45,846
You kidding me?
213
00:09:45,889 --> 00:09:48,326
So you on your way
to the electric chair
214
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:50,546
and they ask you
what your last meal is,
215
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,592
you gonna tell them popcorn?
216
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,725
All right,
I'll tell Margaret I tried.
217
00:09:55,769 --> 00:09:57,466
Oh, Hank.
218
00:09:57,509 --> 00:09:59,250
If you have a problem with me,
219
00:09:59,294 --> 00:10:01,644
why don't you just
come right out and say it?
220
00:10:01,688 --> 00:10:03,472
Oh, I'll do you one better,
221
00:10:03,515 --> 00:10:05,648
I'll come right out and say it.
222
00:10:05,692 --> 00:10:07,737
We don't want to have you here.
223
00:10:07,781 --> 00:10:09,696
Really, Hank?
224
00:10:11,045 --> 00:10:14,004
You don't think
it could be fun to...
225
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,050
have me?
226
00:10:17,094 --> 00:10:19,749
I think... maybe it...
227
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,359
might be fun to have you.
228
00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,277
Well, maybe you should take me
on a little tour,
229
00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:29,541
so I can get a better feel
for the place.
230
00:10:30,586 --> 00:10:31,848
Feel?
231
00:10:33,067 --> 00:10:35,678
And then after
you show me around,
232
00:10:35,722 --> 00:10:39,160
maybe I could check out...
your unit.
233
00:10:39,203 --> 00:10:41,728
Say what now?
234
00:10:41,771 --> 00:10:44,818
-You want to see my unit?
-Yeah.
235
00:10:44,861 --> 00:10:46,863
Well, this is gonna be
a short-ass tour.
236
00:10:51,389 --> 00:10:54,479
Get well soon...
237
00:10:54,523 --> 00:10:57,134
you fragile...
238
00:10:57,178 --> 00:10:59,746
bastard.
239
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,486
He's using up
all the free space,
240
00:11:01,530 --> 00:11:03,837
and everything
he's writing is mean.
241
00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,969
Love...
242
00:11:06,013 --> 00:11:08,972
your nemesis...
243
00:11:09,016 --> 00:11:11,148
Gorgeous George.
244
00:11:11,192 --> 00:11:13,847
Toodle-oo, bird-bones.
245
00:11:15,413 --> 00:11:17,851
Do you think Hank and Joanie
are still talking?
246
00:11:17,894 --> 00:11:20,810
I promise you guys are
gonna love having her around.
247
00:11:20,854 --> 00:11:22,856
Good evening, everyone.
248
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:26,294
And what a good,
good evening it is.
249
00:11:26,337 --> 00:11:28,644
Hoo-ee!
250
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,733
Oh, Joanie, you didn't.
251
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:32,126
I did.
252
00:11:32,169 --> 00:11:33,954
Twice.
253
00:11:33,997 --> 00:11:35,869
Did what?
254
00:11:37,131 --> 00:11:38,828
Ooh, yuck.
255
00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:48,403
How did this happen?
256
00:11:48,446 --> 00:11:50,013
When did this happen?
257
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:53,669
Above all, whydid this happen?
258
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,584
Well, Hank headed over
to the rec room
259
00:11:55,627 --> 00:11:58,369
to give me the business,
and... I took it.
260
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:04,027
: I was giv...
I was giving her a little tour.
261
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:05,637
And then there was
262
00:12:05,681 --> 00:12:08,031
-this noisy bird.
- And I said...
263
00:12:08,075 --> 00:12:10,425
I said, "Shut up, bird!"
264
00:12:12,470 --> 00:12:15,386
And that's basically
how it happened.
265
00:12:15,430 --> 00:12:18,041
Twice.
266
00:12:18,085 --> 00:12:22,132
Can anyone tell
a complete story around here?
267
00:12:22,176 --> 00:12:23,830
Okay, well, we'll catch up
with you guys later.
268
00:12:23,873 --> 00:12:25,614
We're gonna
hit the tennis court.
269
00:12:25,657 --> 00:12:28,182
Oh, Hank,
you don't even play tennis.
270
00:12:28,225 --> 00:12:29,966
I do now.
271
00:12:30,010 --> 00:12:34,014
Oh, guys, this is
really not good.
272
00:12:34,057 --> 00:12:36,364
I know.
Friends hooking up with friends
273
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,496
is terrible
for group dynamics.
274
00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:42,065
And I should know, I have seen
all 14 seasons of Road Rules,
275
00:12:42,109 --> 00:12:45,982
even the almost unwatchable
"Semester at Sea."
276
00:12:47,201 --> 00:12:49,856
Okay, but it's not just that.
Hank is really into her,
277
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:52,989
and Joanie is
really into chewing up guys
278
00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,905
and spitting them out.
I got to talk to her.
279
00:12:55,949 --> 00:12:57,080
Well, keep your guard up.
280
00:12:57,124 --> 00:12:59,300
She banged the last person
that tried that.
281
00:13:10,485 --> 00:13:12,966
Afternoon, ladies!
282
00:13:13,009 --> 00:13:16,099
Yep, that's right.
Broke my neck.
283
00:13:17,884 --> 00:13:19,973
I tripped over a cat.
284
00:13:20,016 --> 00:13:23,759
All my friends laughed,
but I didn't even get mad,
285
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,154
'cause everyone knows
that people falling is funny!
286
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,766
Anyhoo...
287
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,289
you want to sign my brace?
288
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:33,769
Give me a break, Sid.
289
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,466
You didn't hurt yourself.
290
00:13:35,510 --> 00:13:37,077
Who's that talking?
291
00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:40,776
I can barely turn
with this pesky broken neck.
292
00:13:41,908 --> 00:13:44,127
Oh, sweet Charlie,
293
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:45,955
it's you.
294
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,697
You probably want
to sign my brace,
295
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:52,570
but the space is reserved
for all of my truefriends.
296
00:13:52,614 --> 00:13:54,094
Shirley, Betty and...
297
00:13:54,137 --> 00:13:55,530
this one.
298
00:13:57,140 --> 00:14:00,143
If you're trying to make me
jealous, it will not work.
299
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,884
I haven't been jealous
since 1980,
300
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:04,365
when my ex-wife slept
with the Jackson 4.
301
00:14:04,408 --> 00:14:05,975
Michael wasn't interested.
302
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:09,022
Oh, Charlie!
303
00:14:09,065 --> 00:14:11,024
Enough!
304
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,591
I didn't hurt my neck.
305
00:14:13,635 --> 00:14:15,942
What's hurting is my heart.
306
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:18,292
When you don't let me
sign your cast,
307
00:14:18,335 --> 00:14:20,337
I feel like I'm not your friend,
308
00:14:20,381 --> 00:14:23,166
and I don't like
the way that feels.
309
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,255
Well, then you shouldn't have
laughed at me for being old.
310
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:27,301
You know, I can't get around
like I used to,
311
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:28,955
but I don't see
anything funny about that.
312
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:32,175
I didn't laugh
because you're old.
313
00:14:32,219 --> 00:14:34,917
Age has nothing to do with it.
314
00:14:34,961 --> 00:14:36,963
Just the other day
315
00:14:37,006 --> 00:14:39,139
I laughed at this little girl
316
00:14:39,182 --> 00:14:41,184
who fell down at the mall.
317
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:42,925
You promise?
318
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:46,581
: She fell down
the up escalator.
319
00:14:46,624 --> 00:14:49,584
But it brought her
right back up.
320
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,978
-Oh... oh, yeah.
321
00:14:52,021 --> 00:14:54,806
-I-I get it, I get it. Here.
-Oh.
322
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,157
Thank you.
Oh, I don't know what to write,
323
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,202
there are so many options.
324
00:14:59,246 --> 00:15:01,204
Do you still want me
to sign your brace, Sid?
325
00:15:01,248 --> 00:15:04,207
No, Shirley. God!
326
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,993
You're friggin'
obsessed with me.
327
00:15:08,124 --> 00:15:11,345
Ooh. Hot damn!
328
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:14,522
Tippy's place is really swanky.
329
00:15:14,565 --> 00:15:17,786
Nothing but the best
for my Joanie Macaroni.
330
00:15:17,829 --> 00:15:20,093
Here's a little
housewarming gift for you.
331
00:15:20,136 --> 00:15:21,964
-Thank you. Mm.
-Hey, uh, Hank,
332
00:15:22,008 --> 00:15:24,314
do you think I could have
a minute alone with Joanie?
333
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,534
Yeah. I'll go look for Tippy,
see if she's
334
00:15:26,577 --> 00:15:28,840
-moved on to the afterlife.
-Okay.
335
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:31,234
Sweet spirit!
Show thyself!
336
00:15:33,106 --> 00:15:36,239
So, uh, you and Hank seem
to be having a good time.
337
00:15:36,283 --> 00:15:37,893
How do you feel about him?
338
00:15:37,937 --> 00:15:40,026
Oh, he's fine.
He seems to be really into me.
339
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:43,246
He kind of reminds me of the guy
that I used to date
340
00:15:43,290 --> 00:15:46,032
-in Colorado Springs
who had the banjo and...
-No, no, no, no.
341
00:15:46,075 --> 00:15:48,208
We're not turning Hank
into one of our stories.
342
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:51,037
He's my friend, and I
don't want to see him get hurt.
343
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:52,777
We're just having a little fun.
344
00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:54,214
No one's gonna get hurt.
345
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:56,477
Well, well, well.
346
00:15:58,044 --> 00:16:01,786
Joanie, are you ready to put
the "happy" in happy hour?
347
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,005
-Uh, George.
-Hmm?
348
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:06,008
I thought we were going
to meet downstairs.
349
00:16:06,052 --> 00:16:07,444
So you have a date with George?
350
00:16:07,488 --> 00:16:10,012
I thought you said Hank
wasn't gonna get hurt.
351
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,014
He's not. George and I
are just gonna head out,
352
00:16:12,058 --> 00:16:15,496
and you can tell Hank that
I went to see the Grand Canyon.
353
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,280
He's not an idiot.
354
00:16:17,324 --> 00:16:20,414
Bad news--
Tippy's not ready to leave yet.
355
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,459
I think I've angered her.
356
00:16:22,503 --> 00:16:24,287
What are you doing here?
357
00:16:24,331 --> 00:16:27,073
I'm here to pick up Joanie.
358
00:16:27,116 --> 00:16:28,509
I can't believe you're going out
359
00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:30,859
with this
Vincent Price knockoff.
360
00:16:32,165 --> 00:16:33,731
Joanie...
361
00:16:33,775 --> 00:16:36,038
why are you holding those weeds?
362
00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:39,389
-Here, let me upgrade you, girl.
-I gave them to her.
363
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:41,391
Well, perhaps you
could return them
364
00:16:41,435 --> 00:16:45,830
to the grocery store bucket
from whence they came.
365
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,832
Well, how about this?
366
00:16:47,876 --> 00:16:49,747
Why don't I break
your hip bone in two
367
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:52,141
with my bare hands,
you brittle bitch?
368
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,318
-Try me, chief.
-All right,
369
00:16:55,362 --> 00:16:57,929
that's enough, guys.
370
00:16:57,973 --> 00:16:59,844
I can actually hear
George's heart.
371
00:16:59,888 --> 00:17:02,325
and I don't think
it's the right number of beats.
372
00:17:02,369 --> 00:17:04,153
George, go downstairs and wait.
373
00:17:04,197 --> 00:17:06,112
Uh, take the elevator.
374
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:10,681
See you around... goober.
375
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:14,250
Well, shouldn't you get back
to tending bar in The Shining?
376
00:17:15,295 --> 00:17:17,210
I thought we had something.
377
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:20,474
I hope Tippy haunts
your two-timing ass.
378
00:17:21,518 --> 00:17:22,693
Wow.
379
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:24,652
What is he so wound up about?
380
00:17:24,695 --> 00:17:26,654
Maybe he thought
you were into him,
381
00:17:26,697 --> 00:17:29,091
and then another guy shows up
to take you out?
382
00:17:29,135 --> 00:17:31,789
So I can't date two people?
383
00:17:31,833 --> 00:17:34,096
Since when have you
become so judgy?
384
00:17:34,140 --> 00:17:37,099
We used to do that kind of thing
to guys all the time.
385
00:17:37,143 --> 00:17:39,580
Yeah, but this guy is my friend.
386
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:41,234
And so am I,
387
00:17:41,277 --> 00:17:44,280
and I have known you
longer than Hank.
388
00:17:44,324 --> 00:17:46,152
Boy, Shlubby Melons
389
00:17:46,195 --> 00:17:49,111
-has really changed you.
-: Oh...
390
00:17:49,155 --> 00:17:50,765
It is Shady Meadows.
391
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:52,767
You know damn well
it isn't Shlubby Melons.
392
00:17:52,810 --> 00:17:54,247
And you know what?
393
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,379
I don't think
you should move in here.
394
00:17:56,423 --> 00:17:58,555
-What? Why?
-Because our whole friendship
395
00:17:58,599 --> 00:18:01,732
has been you making a mess
and me cleaning it up.
396
00:18:01,776 --> 00:18:04,387
Oh, yeah? Well,
here's another mess for you.
397
00:18:04,431 --> 00:18:07,260
Well, I'm not gonna
clean it up this time.
398
00:18:08,739 --> 00:18:11,394
Yes, you're gonna
clean it up, Margaret.
399
00:18:11,438 --> 00:18:13,831
God knows I don't
want to piss off Tippy.
400
00:18:26,757 --> 00:18:28,150
There you are.
401
00:18:28,194 --> 00:18:31,153
I just figured
I'd put one more drink
402
00:18:31,197 --> 00:18:33,590
on your tab
before I hit the highway.
403
00:18:33,634 --> 00:18:36,158
Okay, two drinks.
404
00:18:36,202 --> 00:18:38,421
: Hey.
Hey, I'm sor...
405
00:18:38,465 --> 00:18:40,554
And some fruit.
406
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:45,950
I'm sorry
I got so upset back there.
407
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:49,171
I guess you're right--
Shady Meadows has changed me.
408
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:52,174
We had a lot of fun
for a lot of years,
409
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,307
but I just find the older I get,
410
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:57,397
the more I want
my chaos contained.
411
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:59,399
It's okay.
I mean, I-I get it.
412
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,401
And I'm sorry
that you always felt
413
00:19:01,444 --> 00:19:03,446
like you had to clean up
my messes.
414
00:19:04,491 --> 00:19:06,319
Probably not a great idea
415
00:19:06,362 --> 00:19:08,103
for me to live here.
416
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:11,454
It's not that
I don't love you, Joanie,
417
00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,848
but I made three really good
friends when I moved in here,
418
00:19:13,891 --> 00:19:15,458
and I don't want
to mess that up.
419
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:17,765
Yeah, they're goofy.
They're just...
420
00:19:17,808 --> 00:19:20,376
they're not very bright.
421
00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:23,031
But they're always there for me.
422
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,642
Hey, why don't you buy a place
down in Phoenix?
423
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:27,340
I'll come visit you,
424
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:30,256
and I can have sex
with all of yourfriends?
425
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,214
Oh, that sounds good.
426
00:19:32,258 --> 00:19:34,390
-I'm not kidding.
427
00:19:41,049 --> 00:19:42,877
Will you sign the cast already?
428
00:19:42,920 --> 00:19:45,227
Just sign the friggin' cast.
429
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:47,795
Okay.
But it has to be perfect.
430
00:19:47,838 --> 00:19:50,363
Short, cute, funny.
Like me.
431
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:52,452
Well, it's sign it now
or sign it never.
432
00:19:52,495 --> 00:19:54,628
I'm not gonna have
this thing on much longer.
433
00:19:54,671 --> 00:19:56,020
Fine.
434
00:19:56,064 --> 00:19:59,459
Get well soon.
435
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:01,461
Love, Sid.
436
00:20:01,504 --> 00:20:04,377
Oh, my God.
I'm a hack.
437
00:20:04,420 --> 00:20:06,683
And a heart over the eye.
Really?
438
00:20:06,727 --> 00:20:09,730
Why didn't you just write,
"You look good plastered"?
439
00:20:12,559 --> 00:20:14,474
Damn it!
440
00:20:14,517 --> 00:20:16,258
Well, good news:
441
00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:18,956
the men of Shady Meadows
are safe.
442
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,916
I talked to Joanie.
She's not gonna move in.
443
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:24,135
I'm really sorry
she hurt you, buddy.
444
00:20:24,179 --> 00:20:26,486
Hurt me?
Oh, she didn't hurt me.
445
00:20:26,529 --> 00:20:28,488
It's all part of the plan.
446
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:29,663
Plan?
447
00:20:29,706 --> 00:20:31,186
Yeah, that's right.
448
00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,188
-The plan to get rid of her.
-Oh.
449
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:34,407
See, I slept with her,
450
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:36,713
then I acted all clingy
to push her away.
451
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:38,541
But I couldn't tell you guys,
452
00:20:38,585 --> 00:20:40,543
'cause it was
on a need-to-know basis.
453
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,373
But the good news is
I'm not hurt at all.
454
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:46,767
Matter of fact, I like coming
home to a empty apartment.
455
00:20:46,810 --> 00:20:48,334
Yeah, I do.
456
00:20:49,987 --> 00:20:51,772
Right. Well...
457
00:20:51,815 --> 00:20:54,688
gee, Hank, thank you
for doing that for us.
458
00:20:54,731 --> 00:20:57,343
I don't know what
we would do without you.
459
00:20:57,386 --> 00:20:59,562
I'm a little confused
460
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:01,564
about some of the details.
461
00:21:01,608 --> 00:21:04,567
So, when you acted all
into Joanie, that wasn't real?
462
00:21:04,611 --> 00:21:07,222
No, that was all
part of the plan.
463
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,398
But I heard you crying
in your room.
464
00:21:09,442 --> 00:21:11,444
How can that be
part of the plan?
465
00:21:11,487 --> 00:21:14,185
Well, I knew you
were outside listening,
466
00:21:14,229 --> 00:21:16,405
so...
467
00:21:16,449 --> 00:21:18,973
it was all... part of the plan.
468
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,324
Then you teamed up with George.
469
00:21:22,368 --> 00:21:23,934
You hate each other.
470
00:21:23,978 --> 00:21:25,458
Plan.
471
00:21:25,501 --> 00:21:27,329
Those crappy flowers?
472
00:21:27,373 --> 00:21:28,852
Plan!
473
00:21:30,593 --> 00:21:31,290
That's pretty good.
474
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,294
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