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1
00:00:00,100 --> 00:00:01,702
Only on Fox.
2
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:08,976
You know what really
grinds my gears?
3
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,645
Cars today.
4
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,513
What's with all the beeping?
5
00:00:12,547 --> 00:00:15,082
My ex-wife's car used to beep
every time you backed up.
6
00:00:15,115 --> 00:00:19,420
Bitch, I know I'm backing up!
I'm driving you! I'm in charge!
7
00:00:19,454 --> 00:00:22,923
I can't tell if you're mad
at the car or your wife.
8
00:00:22,957 --> 00:00:24,759
Well, a little bit of both.
9
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,595
Well, you've been talking about
it for an hour and a half now.
10
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:30,565
And he doesn't even own a car.
11
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:31,932
You know, if you're gonna
sit at my table,
12
00:00:31,966 --> 00:00:33,701
you got to listen to my jokes.
13
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,436
Oh, you're telling jokes?
14
00:00:35,470 --> 00:00:37,438
Is that what's happening here?
15
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:39,940
Oh, so you don't think
I'm funny, do you now, Margaret?
16
00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:41,742
Well, how about this:
17
00:00:41,776 --> 00:00:44,211
a doctor, a priest, and
the prime minister of Morocco...
18
00:00:44,245 --> 00:00:47,782
Hey, quit telling bad jokes.
I need water.
19
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,853
Cheese and crackers!
20
00:00:52,887 --> 00:00:54,955
Is this tap?
21
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,594
Why do you keep going
on those crazy hikes
22
00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:00,795
with Gorgeous George?
23
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:02,597
I have enough self-esteem issues
24
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:07,134
without Gorgeous George telling
me I look dumpy in my Umbros.
25
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:08,769
Who's Gorgeous George?
26
00:01:08,803 --> 00:01:09,937
And if he's such a jerk,
27
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,138
why are you calling him
gorgeous?
28
00:01:11,171 --> 00:01:13,274
Well, just look at him,
Margaret.
29
00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:19,680
He's a New York six,
but a Arizona ten.
30
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:25,219
He's the activities coordinator.
31
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:27,555
It's an elected position, and
it's totally gone to his head.
32
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:30,491
Activities coordinator
has totally gone to his head?
33
00:01:30,525 --> 00:01:31,992
Yeah.
34
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:34,829
You are new, aren't you?
35
00:01:34,862 --> 00:01:37,164
He is a petty, vindictive man
36
00:01:37,197 --> 00:01:40,000
who uses his power
against anybody he doesn't like,
37
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:41,802
and he does not like us.
38
00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:44,672
Uh-uh.
I once scuffed his moccasin,
39
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,507
and he installed
a vending machine
40
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,108
right outside my room,
so every night,
41
00:01:48,142 --> 00:01:50,845
it's, "Cachunk! Cachunk!
Cachunk! Cachunk! Cachunk!
42
00:01:50,878 --> 00:01:52,647
Cachunk!"
It's-it's the soda cans.
43
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:55,182
-"Cachunk!"
-I got it, Charlie.
44
00:01:55,215 --> 00:01:58,953
And the worst thing about him
is he's incredibly unfunny.
45
00:01:58,986 --> 00:02:00,521
Tennis, anyone?
46
00:02:03,223 --> 00:02:04,825
That wasn't even funny.
47
00:02:04,859 --> 00:02:06,160
Now, what he should've said is,
48
00:02:06,193 --> 00:02:09,029
"Who's over here
making all that racket?"
49
00:02:09,063 --> 00:02:10,865
See, then he shows them
the racket.
50
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,800
Now-now that's a joke.
51
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:14,802
Well, well.
52
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,203
Let me just take a peek
53
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:19,273
under the lid of this
trash can over here.
54
00:02:19,306 --> 00:02:21,642
Ah, yeah, just as I thought:
55
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:24,845
four of the biggest losers
I've ever seen.
56
00:02:24,879 --> 00:02:26,547
You don't even know me.
57
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:29,650
Oh, Amanda, don't I?
58
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:31,185
My name is Margaret.
59
00:02:31,218 --> 00:02:33,320
Very well, I don't know you.
60
00:02:34,889 --> 00:02:37,725
But if you're associating
with these losers,
61
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,827
you're a loser, too.
62
00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:42,062
Yeah, well,
you might have me there.
63
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:45,232
Why, Sidney, I'm surprised
64
00:02:45,265 --> 00:02:49,336
you're not icing your
ham-like thighs right now.
65
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:53,173
The sound of them chafing this
morning scared the birds away.
66
00:02:53,207 --> 00:02:55,209
Man, get the hell out of here.
67
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:57,745
Go tell somebody else
some corny-ass jokes,
68
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,581
-and that's "jokes" in quotes.
-Mm.
69
00:03:00,615 --> 00:03:02,683
I just wanted
to remind you degenerates
70
00:03:02,717 --> 00:03:05,753
about the activities coordinator
election this Friday.
71
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,855
I urge you to do
72
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:09,924
what every lady's done in this
complex at one time or another
73
00:03:09,957 --> 00:03:12,627
and "Say yes to George."
74
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,098
Toodle-oo, trash.
75
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:21,836
Bye, George, have a nice day.
76
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,939
You know what we need to do
about Gorgeous George?
77
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:26,741
Yeah, drag his ass
out in the desert,
78
00:03:26,774 --> 00:03:28,108
tie his ass to a cactus,
79
00:03:28,142 --> 00:03:31,746
and let the vultures
eat him bite by bite.
80
00:03:31,779 --> 00:03:32,947
No, no, no.
81
00:03:32,980 --> 00:03:34,281
One of us needs to run
for activities coordinator
82
00:03:34,314 --> 00:03:35,883
and beat him.
83
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:40,254
Well, okay, but my way
would be a lot more fun.
84
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,980
I really think
we can do this, guys.
85
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,247
If we could beat George,
86
00:04:07,281 --> 00:04:09,249
Sid, you'll never have
to go on a hike again,
87
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,752
Charlie would finally
have some peace and quiet,
88
00:04:11,786 --> 00:04:13,087
and Hank... Hank...
89
00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:15,656
What is your problem
with him again?
90
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,658
The man's a criminal.
91
00:04:17,692 --> 00:04:20,795
He steals laughs
when he doesn't deserve them.
92
00:04:20,828 --> 00:04:23,998
Well, he has been running
unopposed for ten years.
93
00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:26,000
He's complacent,
and we're hungry.
94
00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:27,902
I think we really have a chance
to beat George.
95
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:30,671
Slow your roll there, rookie.
96
00:04:30,705 --> 00:04:33,340
Now, the way I see it,
this guy's gotten complacent,
97
00:04:33,373 --> 00:04:34,909
but we're hungry.
98
00:04:34,942 --> 00:04:37,177
I think we have a chance
to beat this George.
99
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,946
That's what I just said.
100
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:41,448
Listen to him, Margaret,
he's onto something.
101
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,183
I don't have to listen to him.
102
00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:47,287
I will think about all the stuff
I just said a minute ago.
103
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,089
Now, who's running?
104
00:04:49,123 --> 00:04:52,860
So you don't know everything.
It's obviously Charlie.
105
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:55,796
There are some very premium nuts
in this mix.
106
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,365
Charlie, really?
107
00:04:58,398 --> 00:05:00,367
Yeah, you're a woman,
I'm black, he's gay.
108
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,170
We're trying to win an election
in a retirement community,
109
00:05:03,203 --> 00:05:05,172
we're not putting together
a college brochure.
110
00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:07,174
Charlie's our man.
111
00:05:07,207 --> 00:05:10,377
Well, I accept, and I think
if we can focus on the issues--
112
00:05:10,410 --> 00:05:13,948
Hey-oh! Pistachio!
113
00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:17,351
All right, well, if Nut Boy
is going to be our candidate,
114
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,186
we're gonna have to run
a negative campaign.
115
00:05:19,219 --> 00:05:21,288
We need to dig up
some dirt on George.
116
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,223
Really? Why can't we
just have a fun mascot
117
00:05:23,257 --> 00:05:24,992
like that Geico gecko?
118
00:05:25,025 --> 00:05:26,961
:
He makes me laugh.
119
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:29,129
Or-or an Activities Lizard
120
00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:33,200
who eats bullies
and sings sometimes.
121
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:36,403
Lizards don't eat people.
They blow flames at 'em.
122
00:05:36,436 --> 00:05:37,905
That's dragons.
123
00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,506
Lizards can be dragons.
124
00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:40,507
What about Komodos?
125
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:42,743
Well, as your candidate...
126
00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,779
What about Komodos, Margaret?
127
00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:47,414
What...
What is this?
128
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:50,417
Why are you people in my office?
129
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:53,153
We're taking advantage
of your open door policy.
130
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:55,389
I don't have
an open door policy.
131
00:05:55,422 --> 00:05:57,992
You know, I think we're trying
to say the same thing.
132
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,427
We're here to register Charlie
133
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,930
as an official candidate
for activities coordinator.
134
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,198
Yeah...
135
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:07,401
That's not a thing
you need to do.
136
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,771
So do you decree that he is
a official candidate?
137
00:06:10,805 --> 00:06:12,773
You just show up
to the town hall on Friday.
138
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:14,441
You don't need a decree.
139
00:06:14,474 --> 00:06:16,877
-Uhp! I heard a decree.
-I heard her, too.
140
00:06:16,911 --> 00:06:19,379
-Nice work, Hank.
-Okay.
141
00:06:19,413 --> 00:06:23,250
Now, can we please go dig up
some dirt on George?
142
00:06:23,283 --> 00:06:25,185
Margaret, write this down.
143
00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,788
Elections are not won
with dirt and negativity.
144
00:06:27,822 --> 00:06:30,457
They are won
with charm and charisma
145
00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,893
and, most importantly, jokes.
146
00:06:32,927 --> 00:06:36,063
Comedy, that's the weak spot
for Gorgeous George.
147
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:39,800
Yeah, more like
"Bore-geous... Bore-ge."
148
00:06:39,834 --> 00:06:41,535
No, see, that's why
I'm gonna be writing the jokes
149
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:42,536
from here on out.
150
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:45,172
You missed
"Bore-geous Snore-ge."
151
00:06:47,341 --> 00:06:49,176
That's how you win an election.
152
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,416
All right, let's get out there
and charm some voters.
153
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,452
-Okay.
-Listen up,
you may learn something.
154
00:06:58,485 --> 00:07:00,287
Well, at least he looks great.
155
00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:03,323
Sid, you're a regular
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
156
00:07:03,357 --> 00:07:05,325
I did my best.
157
00:07:05,359 --> 00:07:09,096
His entire closet is filled with
free T-shirts from the bank.
158
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,832
-All right, so get in there...
-Yeah.
159
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,000
-uh, don't be weird...
-No.
160
00:07:13,033 --> 00:07:15,169
...be charming, and hit 'em
with that great joke,
161
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,837
-and get the hell out.
-Okay.
162
00:07:16,871 --> 00:07:18,338
-Walk in the park.
163
00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:22,109
I feel like I'm watching
the Titanic leaving the dock.
164
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:25,345
Not everybody died
on that ship, Margaret.
165
00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:28,148
Hi. I'm Charlie.
166
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:31,585
I'm not weird; I'm charming.
167
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:33,921
Here's a personal story.
168
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:37,057
In 1998, I was abducted
by little green aliens.
169
00:07:38,225 --> 00:07:39,960
I'm new to politics.
170
00:07:39,994 --> 00:07:42,196
How do you feel this is going?
171
00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:46,901
And I was so surprised to find
that they call it "outercourse."
172
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:53,007
Wow, I did not think
it would go that well.
173
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,676
Charlie,
you diarrhea'd the pool.
174
00:07:57,211 --> 00:08:01,115
You diarrhea'd the pool
with everybody in it.
175
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,050
You're out,
and so are you, Hank.
176
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:04,885
I'm in charge now.
177
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:06,553
Wait a minute,
what you mean you in charge?
178
00:08:06,586 --> 00:08:09,656
Your candidate just described
being anally probed
179
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:14,561
by aliens as
"a great learning experience."
180
00:08:15,595 --> 00:08:19,366
I said "annually probed."
181
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:21,335
Although both are true.
182
00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:24,404
You better stop
talking smack, Margaret,
183
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:26,540
and get on the Charlie train.
He's your candidate, too.
184
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:30,077
Not anymore. I'm running Sid,
and we're gonna kick your ass.
185
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:32,379
What? Moi?
186
00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:33,680
Yes, "you-ah."
187
00:08:33,714 --> 00:08:35,482
He's cute. He's funny.
188
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,084
Everybody loves him.
189
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,418
He's our best chance
of taking down George
190
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,587
and you. Let's go, Sid.
191
00:08:40,620 --> 00:08:42,589
Wait, where's your spine, Sid?
192
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,424
You gonna do everything
this woman tells you to?
193
00:08:44,458 --> 00:08:46,593
-Well, no.
-Let's go, Sid.
194
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:47,694
Oh, you guys keep in touch.
195
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,603
All right,
we have got a lot of work to do
196
00:08:56,636 --> 00:08:58,238
if we're gonna win this election
197
00:08:58,272 --> 00:09:01,508
and prove that I am much,
much smarter than Hank.
198
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:05,112
First off, I'd like to say
it's an honor to be tapped,
199
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,381
but I'm not sure
I'm ready for this.
200
00:09:07,414 --> 00:09:09,616
The only thing I've ever run for
201
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,986
was my life
at a Kid Rock concert.
202
00:09:12,987 --> 00:09:15,622
Aren't you tired
of being a doormat?
203
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:17,624
Aren't you sick
of going on those hikes?
204
00:09:17,657 --> 00:09:18,959
Well, yes.
205
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,460
Well, then, you got to get mean.
206
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,029
Oh, I don't do mean.
207
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,464
Let's just do
my lizard mascot idea.
208
00:09:24,498 --> 00:09:26,466
Give him a catchy slogan.
209
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:28,735
Uh, like, "Vote for Sid."
210
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:30,771
:
Sss-sid.
211
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:37,377
Okay, see, that, uh,
that's a snake, not a lizard.
212
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:39,713
But at this point
I'm just gonna go ahead
213
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,416
and embrace
that reptile fixation.
214
00:09:42,449 --> 00:09:44,218
So if you want to be a lizard,
215
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,319
you're gonna have to be
a mean lizard.
216
00:09:45,352 --> 00:09:47,121
But I want to be a fun,
217
00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,156
singing lizard, like Kermit.
218
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,125
Kermit is a frog.
219
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,761
I am not a zoologist, Margaret.
220
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,664
This is politics, kiddo.
221
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,599
Come on.
You got to get nasty.
222
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,268
Say something mean about George.
223
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,769
Okay, well, here goes.
224
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,604
Uh, and I feel awful
saying this,
225
00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:08,475
but sometimes he just takes
way too long at the salad bar.
226
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,078
That's not mean enough.
You need to get angry.
227
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:12,246
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
228
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:13,780
I'm gonna be George, okay?
229
00:10:13,814 --> 00:10:15,315
:
Well, well, well, Sidney.
230
00:10:15,349 --> 00:10:17,651
Looking a little mushy
around the middle,
231
00:10:17,684 --> 00:10:20,354
-aren't we, Sidney?
-Well, that's not very nice.
232
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,289
What are you gonna do about it,
thunder thighs?
233
00:10:22,322 --> 00:10:25,125
-Stop hitting yourself, Sidney.
234
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:26,660
Th-Th-That's enough, George!
235
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,795
You're mean and you're a bully,
and sometimes when we go
236
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:32,032
on those hikes I just want
to push you off a cliff.
237
00:10:32,066 --> 00:10:34,201
:
That's what I'm looking for.
238
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:36,203
Oh, that felt great.
239
00:10:36,236 --> 00:10:37,604
But what am I becoming?
240
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,539
A viable candidate.
241
00:10:41,208 --> 00:10:43,043
All right, now we got to get
this joke right.
242
00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:44,478
-Okay.
-I made a poster for you.
243
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:47,647
Shabam!
244
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,217
Wow, who the hell is that?
245
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,485
It's you, man.
246
00:10:51,518 --> 00:10:54,154
Oh, I thought it was Braveheart.
247
00:10:54,188 --> 00:10:56,556
-Aw, for-- forget the poster.
-Okay.
248
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,658
Now, I'm gonna show you
how this joke can kill.
249
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,660
Okay, a doctor, a priest,
250
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,729
the prime minister of Morocco
walk into a bar.
251
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,731
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
252
00:11:04,764 --> 00:11:08,735
Morocco is
a constitutional monarchy.
253
00:11:08,768 --> 00:11:11,571
I'm gonna pound your head
into dust
254
00:11:11,605 --> 00:11:14,708
if you keep ruining
my damn joke.
255
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:18,245
All right, I want you to sit
here, listen, and watch.
256
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,746
And don't say nothing.
257
00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,848
Punam, come here!
258
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,817
Is this about your lemonade?
259
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,620
Sorry, but we're just
slammed right now.
260
00:11:31,525 --> 00:11:34,661
Yeah, uh, I just want you
to listen to this joke.
261
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:38,432
Oh, fun.
I'll be an easy laugh, too.
262
00:11:38,465 --> 00:11:42,302
I did mushrooms last night and
they haven't fully worn off yet.
263
00:11:47,807 --> 00:11:49,109
-Okay, you ready?
-Yeah.
264
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:51,745
All right. A doctor... a priest,
265
00:11:51,778 --> 00:11:54,881
and the prime minister
of Morocco walk into a bar...
266
00:11:57,151 --> 00:11:58,885
That's hilarious.
267
00:11:58,919 --> 00:12:01,421
Ugh, I did not see that coming.
268
00:12:01,455 --> 00:12:03,623
I never said the punch line.
269
00:12:03,657 --> 00:12:05,592
Oh, well, that's your mistake
270
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:08,462
because the punch line's
the funniest part of a joke.
271
00:12:16,836 --> 00:12:18,905
We are making you
a good luck lasagna
272
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:20,407
for the election, Georgie.
273
00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:21,408
Ooh.
274
00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,243
With extra cheese.
275
00:12:23,277 --> 00:12:24,878
Extra cheese?
276
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,546
Yes, please.
277
00:12:26,580 --> 00:12:28,582
Now, don't forget...
278
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:30,884
say yes to George.
279
00:12:30,917 --> 00:12:36,356
Actually, do forget to say yes
to George, because George sucks.
280
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,726
Good start. Get meaner.
281
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,262
Well, well, well,
282
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:46,633
if it isn't Snow White and her
one dwarf, Chafey.
283
00:12:48,202 --> 00:12:50,570
You know, I heard a little rumor
that the freak show party
284
00:12:50,604 --> 00:12:52,672
is mounting a run against me.
285
00:12:52,706 --> 00:12:55,809
Oh, really? Well, I heard
a little rumor myself.
286
00:12:55,842 --> 00:13:01,515
It'd be a shame if your voters
knew that you had calf implants.
287
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:04,318
Outrageous.
288
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:06,320
These are natural calves.
289
00:13:06,353 --> 00:13:10,424
Perfectly sculpted from years
of tiptoeing out of bedrooms.
290
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,592
-Ladies' bedrooms.
291
00:13:12,626 --> 00:13:13,960
More like tiptoeing out
292
00:13:13,994 --> 00:13:16,330
of the Tucson Center
for Leg Enhancements.
293
00:13:16,363 --> 00:13:19,366
Dr. Kapnakian says hello.
294
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:22,702
Larry Kapnakian is a liar!
295
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,206
I'll see you
at the town hall tonight.
296
00:13:27,841 --> 00:13:29,943
Oh, that felt great.
297
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:31,211
I don't want to stop.
298
00:13:31,245 --> 00:13:32,546
Don't stop. Keep going.
299
00:13:32,579 --> 00:13:34,548
Well, uh, what have we here?
300
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,351
Is this a painting
of dogs playing poker?
301
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:43,390
Sid, what are you doing?
302
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:45,959
You smear George,
not the voters.
303
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,661
Well, before you correct me,
Margaret,
304
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,663
perhaps you should correct
that ugly sweater.
305
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,731
Just because it was
on the sale rack
306
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:54,734
doesn't mean you have to buy it.
307
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:59,873
This is my favorite sweater,
and I paid full retail.
308
00:13:59,906 --> 00:14:01,575
Where, at the gas station?
309
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:03,577
Ooh.
310
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,245
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
that's right.
311
00:14:05,279 --> 00:14:07,847
The lizard is out of his shell
and he's snapping.
312
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,550
That's turtles.
313
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,252
Margaret,
how are you still single
314
00:14:12,286 --> 00:14:13,587
with such a treasure trove
315
00:14:13,620 --> 00:14:16,523
of animal facts
at your disposal?
316
00:14:16,556 --> 00:14:18,925
Vote for Sss-sid.
317
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:21,295
Vote for Sid.
318
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:26,300
Hey, old man, here's a headline.
Vote for Sss-sid.
319
00:14:29,603 --> 00:14:31,938
We are not voting for him.
320
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,374
Yeah, Grace, I know.
321
00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:39,779
Do you guys like this sweater?
322
00:14:47,487 --> 00:14:48,955
Oh, and another thing, Leon.
323
00:14:48,988 --> 00:14:50,924
You know that little tile room
with the nozzle in it?
324
00:14:50,957 --> 00:14:52,959
It's called a shower.
325
00:14:52,992 --> 00:14:55,995
Why not give it
a whirl sometime?
326
00:14:57,497 --> 00:14:58,698
Sid.
327
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,700
-Sid, come in here.
-What?
328
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:03,703
What the hell
are you doing in here?
329
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:05,805
I am hiding from Hank.
330
00:15:05,839 --> 00:15:07,974
He's been yelling at me all day,
331
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:11,478
and the smell of bleach
really centers me.
332
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:12,979
That's 'cause your mama
was a janitor.
333
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,814
And your mama's mama
was a janitor.
334
00:15:14,848 --> 00:15:17,951
Sid, what has gotten into you?
335
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:19,653
You know damn well
that my mother
336
00:15:19,686 --> 00:15:21,488
was a state senator by day
337
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:24,491
and a high-end prostitute
by night.
338
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,960
Margaret has got me
all riled up.
339
00:15:26,993 --> 00:15:30,063
I mean, I ripped off
a woman's wig today.
340
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,932
At least I thought it was a wig
till she screamed.
341
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:37,103
Hank and Margaret have turned us
into the exact things we hate.
342
00:15:37,137 --> 00:15:39,506
You're a bully, and I'm telling
343
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:41,841
culturally inaccurate jokes.
344
00:15:41,875 --> 00:15:45,345
Let's team up and do it our way.
345
00:15:45,379 --> 00:15:46,580
Yes.
346
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,348
I love the lizard idea,
by the way.
347
00:15:48,382 --> 00:15:49,749
Well, thank you, Charlie.
348
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:51,985
-And I love your suit.
-Well...
349
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:53,687
:
Well, you picked it out.
350
00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,690
:
Oh, well, it makes sense then.
351
00:15:56,723 --> 00:15:59,693
I see what you're saying
about the bleach.
352
00:16:00,727 --> 00:16:02,529
Yeah, it's nice, isn't it?
353
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:04,063
Hmm.
354
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:06,833
Hmm.
355
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:09,669
So you ready for this town hall?
356
00:16:09,703 --> 00:16:11,538
-Yeah, as a matter of fact.
-I don't care.
357
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:14,374
My boy Charlie has got this
in the bag.
358
00:16:14,408 --> 00:16:16,042
And, Margaret, you will see
359
00:16:16,075 --> 00:16:18,144
that when a joke
is perfectly told,
360
00:16:18,178 --> 00:16:19,946
it can really move a crowd.
361
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:22,015
You are delusional if you think
362
00:16:22,048 --> 00:16:25,885
Mr. Alien Outercourse
is gonna win anything.
363
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:29,389
Well, I heard
your candidate bit a woman.
364
00:16:29,423 --> 00:16:32,726
Well, he might be a little bit
unpolished, but...
365
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:36,396
he's a killer, and he is gonna
crush Charlie and George.
366
00:16:36,430 --> 00:16:38,565
Oh, I wouldn't worry
about George.
367
00:16:38,598 --> 00:16:39,833
Oh, really. Why is that?
368
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,702
One word: lasagna, baby!
369
00:16:42,736 --> 00:16:45,138
That's two words, ding-dong.
370
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,641
And I'm gonna need
a few more of 'em.
371
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,976
Well, one of George's groupies
made him a lasagna,
372
00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:51,745
left it outside his door,
373
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,547
and I, uh,
put a little secret ingredient
374
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,048
I bought from Punam in it.
375
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,750
Mushrooms.
376
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,852
Magic mushrooms.
377
00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:02,522
So you're going dirty
like I said we should have
378
00:17:02,556 --> 00:17:04,090
in the first place, right?
379
00:17:04,123 --> 00:17:06,159
Well, let's not get caught
all up in the whos and the hows.
380
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:09,095
The point is,
George is gonna be so high,
381
00:17:09,128 --> 00:17:10,897
he's never gonna get through
that speech,
382
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:13,433
and that's gonna give Charlie
all the runway he needs
383
00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:15,735
to crush that joke, baby.
384
00:17:15,769 --> 00:17:17,437
You call me "baby"
one more time,
385
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,806
I'm gonna crush more
than your joke.
386
00:17:21,140 --> 00:17:25,679
And Charlie is gonna have
one big little problem-- Sid.
387
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:30,950
Well, Sid's gonna have one big
normal-sized problem-- Charlie.
388
00:17:30,984 --> 00:17:33,487
We found a hallway lasagna.
389
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,557
Y'all have to try it.
390
00:17:37,591 --> 00:17:41,961
It's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.
391
00:17:43,497 --> 00:17:44,964
We're gonna beat George
without you.
392
00:17:44,998 --> 00:17:46,633
This is so damn good.
393
00:17:46,666 --> 00:17:49,969
It's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.
394
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:51,805
I like it so much,
395
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:55,174
it's like a cheesy blanket
I wear on the inside.
396
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:58,845
Damn, damn, damn!
397
00:18:05,519 --> 00:18:06,886
Well, we're screwed.
398
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:09,255
Your candidate is off
somewhere shrooming,
399
00:18:09,289 --> 00:18:12,225
and mine is talking
to a damn plant.
400
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:16,262
Ma'am, ma'am, with all due
respect, that's your opinion.
401
00:18:16,296 --> 00:18:19,132
You might be screwed,
but I'm not.
402
00:18:19,165 --> 00:18:20,834
Well, why are you screwed
and I'm not?
403
00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,168
And why are you smiling
like that?
404
00:18:22,201 --> 00:18:23,970
Because I took care
of everything.
405
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:25,839
After you drugged both
of our candidates,
406
00:18:25,872 --> 00:18:27,641
I had to do something.
407
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,175
But it was a foolproof plan!
408
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,011
Who eats found lasagna?
409
00:18:32,045 --> 00:18:34,180
I knew George would want
a little pre-speech workout,
410
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:35,949
so I followed him downstairs
411
00:18:35,982 --> 00:18:38,251
and I locked him
in the fitness center.
412
00:18:38,284 --> 00:18:40,286
So no George?
I mean, I don't understand.
413
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,021
So there are no candidates now?
414
00:18:42,055 --> 00:18:43,757
Oh, there's one...
415
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,024
-baby.
-Oh...
416
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:48,094
Hi, everyone. Hello.
417
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,696
My name is Margaret.
418
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,931
I'm running
for activities coordinator.
419
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,633
I have been told that,
as a woman,
420
00:18:53,667 --> 00:18:56,169
I can't possibly win,
but screw that.
421
00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:59,806
I've been told many things
by men.
422
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,676
Stupid, bald, unfunny men.
423
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,911
Bald? I got a ring.
424
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,881
I'm in the middle
of my speech here.
425
00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:10,216
Shoot, I'm in the middle
of mine. I'm running, too.
426
00:19:10,249 --> 00:19:12,118
Hey, y'all, how you doing?
427
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:15,889
Folks,
what's going on with cars?
428
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,591
Why are they always beeping?
429
00:19:21,227 --> 00:19:22,696
Nothing?
430
00:19:22,729 --> 00:19:25,832
Well, it's time
to bring out the big gun.
431
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,734
A doctor, a priest,
432
00:19:27,767 --> 00:19:31,070
and the, uh, prime minister of
Morocco walk into a bar, and...
433
00:19:31,104 --> 00:19:32,872
Excuse me.
434
00:19:32,906 --> 00:19:36,610
Great news. We're engaged.
435
00:19:37,611 --> 00:19:39,212
Saboteur!
436
00:19:40,346 --> 00:19:42,582
She locked me in the gymnasium!
437
00:19:42,616 --> 00:19:44,851
These freaks are trying
to rig this election.
438
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:49,222
Freaks? You've got double-D
calves and lasagna groupies.
439
00:19:50,624 --> 00:19:53,259
Compared to you, we are normal.
440
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,997
Roar!
441
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,933
I am the Activities Lizard!
442
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:03,903
Vote for me, and I won't scratch
your eyeballs out.
443
00:20:05,371 --> 00:20:07,607
Still think you're not freaks?
444
00:20:07,641 --> 00:20:10,877
Maybe you should ask
your friend, this baby dragon.
445
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:13,747
I'm not a baby dragon.
446
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:15,749
I am an adult lizard,
447
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:17,917
and I'm tired
of taking your crap, George!
448
00:20:17,951 --> 00:20:19,786
-Oh!
449
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:25,191
So... obviously
the election is canceled.
450
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,127
Why?
451
00:20:28,161 --> 00:20:30,229
Punam is
the new activities coordinator
452
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,966
because she would much rather do
that job for free
453
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:36,803
than get fired for giving drugs
to the residents.
454
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,905
In my defense,
I was not giving them.
455
00:20:38,938 --> 00:20:40,940
I was selling them.
456
00:20:43,342 --> 00:20:46,112
George ruptured his calf
implants when Sid tackled him.
457
00:20:46,145 --> 00:20:48,948
And he's filed a restraining
order against the four of you.
458
00:20:48,982 --> 00:20:51,751
Wait, that means he can't come
anywhere near us either?
459
00:20:51,785 --> 00:20:55,121
He won't bully me anymore!
I'm free.
460
00:20:55,154 --> 00:20:56,790
Yeah, me, too.
461
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,658
Good-bye, cachunks.
462
00:20:58,692 --> 00:21:00,259
Cachunks are the sodas...
463
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:04,330
Well, Hank,
it kind of looks like I won.
464
00:21:04,363 --> 00:21:05,965
Wrong. We both won.
465
00:21:05,999 --> 00:21:07,967
We played dirty
just like I suggested,
466
00:21:08,001 --> 00:21:09,836
and everything worked out.
467
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:12,271
One more thing before we go.
468
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:15,341
A doctor, a priest, and
the prime minister of Morocco...
469
00:21:15,374 --> 00:21:16,776
Get out of my office.
470
00:21:16,810 --> 00:21:18,812
I never get
to say the punch line.
471
00:21:18,845 --> 00:21:22,448
They walk into a bar,
and the bartender says,
472
00:21:22,482 --> 00:21:23,883
"What is this, a joke?"
473
00:21:26,219 --> 00:21:27,821
That's comedy there.
474
00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,758
"What is this, a joke?"
475
00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,693
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
476
00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:34,728
That's pretty good.
477
00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:38,698
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
478
00:21:40,466 --> 00:21:42,468
You've made the cut
with The Cool Kids.
35296
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