All language subtitles for Tacoma.FD.S01E02.720p.WEBRip.x264-TBS[eztv]

♪♪

16645 Wagamash.

Go get 'em, boys.

You got it, Cap.

-Hi.
-Morning.

You, uh, you called
about the lockout?

I'm so embarrassed.
Ah!

I came to check the mail.
I locked myself out.

I thought about breaking
the window,

but this seemed
more civilized.

Hey, well, civility is
what separates us

from animals, right?
[ Laughs ]

[ Laughs ]

Uh, do you --
do you have your I.D.

on you, ma'am,
by any chance?

Unfortunately, I don't normally
carry it in my PJs.

-Oh! Right.
-Right.

But it's inside,
probably next to my keys.

Yeah.
The problem is,

we really should see
your I.D.

before we gain access
to the...

Oh, come on.
It's my house.

I bought it in 2012.

I'm in my robe and slippers.

I can see that.

And I left the curling iron
on inside next to a magazine.

None of us want a fire --
am I right?

Uh-oh.
She speaks firefighter.

Fluently.
"Firelingual."

Oh!
That's great.

-Wow.
-That's...

So, um...

Uh.
Oh, yeah.

-I mean, um, uh...
-I think we can...

-Yeah, let's...
-Okay.

-[ Speaking indistinctly ]
-Three years of musical theater.

Oh.
Yeah.

I didn't do it
for all four years.

Give me
the half millimeter.

Yes. Uh.

The one smaller.
Yes.

Sorry.
One second.
Oh.

Take your time.
Stay with me, Eddie.

I'm a tenor sometimes.

Other times, I like to keep it,
uh, I don't know --

-Oh, oh.
-Oh. That's got it. Ma'am.

-Yeah.
-Thank you so much.

Of course.

Better get
to that curling iron.

Right.

-She was something else, huh?
-She was.

I think she liked you, man.
Yeah, I felt that.

There was some tension, huh?

Oh, man.
I was down there.

Hey!
Let's go, boys!

Okay.
Uh.

♪ See you later ♪

Eddie: Let's go!

Everything cool
with the lockout?

You know, you need a phone app
with facial recognition

so that you can
just aim it at somebody

and it tells you
who they are, kind of like

Shazam, but with faces.

Sure.
You could call it "Who Dat?"

Who Dat?
Who Dat?

Yeah, Who Dat?
Yeah, Who Dat?

for the phone so that I could be
What Dat?

Right? You just point your phone
at stuff

that you don't recognize.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Wait a minute --
What Dat?

What species of bird
is that?

What kind of a joint
is that?

What do you mean joint?
Like weed?

No, no,
like a plumber's joint.

Oh, like a bar
that plumbers hang out in.

Uh, no, like, uh,
an elbow joint,

but something less famous,
like a U-bend,

although an app that does
plumber bars would be fun, too.

Oh, the rusty pipe
is .4 miles away.

No, no, it's too dirty.

I want
the invisible ass crack.

Woman: Engine 24,
motor vehicle --

corner of Oak and Milton.

All right, buckle up.

So, uh, how was
that lockout lady?

Was she nice?
Oh, real sweetheart.

Couldn't have been nicer.

It makes the job so much better
when they're that nice.

♪♪

♪♪

♪ Well, I'm hot blooded ♪

♪ Check it and see ♪

♪ Got a fever of 103 ♪

♪ I'm hot blooded ♪

♪♪

♪♪

All right, boys,
make sure the ignitions are off

on those cars and check
for leaking fluids.

I'll check for injuries.

What's up, Pikachu?

Hey, Liz.

What are you guys
doing here?

Why haven't you
stopped traffic?

Tiny, little
fender bender.

The cars are going around.
It's fine.

Yeah, it's not fine.
It isn't safe.

-Andy.
-Stop the traffic.

Terry: Check this out.

Do you know what a pain
in the ass that is?

Everything's gonna get
backed up.

Yeah, it's more important
that nobody gets hurt.

Aw, come on, man.
We're almost done here.

The tow-truck driver
even said it was fine.

Oh, the tow-truck driver
said it was fine?

Shut it down now, fathead.
Let's go.

Or do I have to call
Captain Polonsky?

Let's go.

Let's go.

Yeah, move slower.

This will be good.

You're killing it.

Granny: Keep it moving,
people. Let's move.

Come on.
I got to get to work.

Should have left earlier.

Not my problem.
Keep it moving.

At least the firemen
are here.

Those guys are awesome.
Oh, get out of here!

Come on, move!

Woman: 24, we've got a car fire
at 16645 Wagamash Street.

Why does that sound
familiar?

Apparently, a woman in a robe
lit a Trans Am on fire.

Oh, snap.
Oh, snap.

Repeat -- Trans Am on fire
at 16645 Wagamash Street.

16645 Wagamash Street?

That's my house.

That's my Trans Am!

Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.

♪♪

Oh.

Ohh!

Yeah.
Chief.

Look at this.

The Relia-star SA-5000
Ladder Truck.

Extends 125 feet.
Look at that.

All right, GPS, Wi-Fi,

backup camera,
seat warmers, and it's ours.

Guys, the requisition
came through yesterday.

All right.
I'm gonna meet
with Linda Price today.

She's gonna give us
the stamp of approval.

-Chief, something bad happened.
-How bad?

-Penisi!
-I'll let him tell you.

Oh, boy.
You stupid son of a bitch!

I ought to...

[ Indistinct shouting ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Okay.
Polonsky, what's going on here?

I'll tell you what's going on.
Shuck's psycho ex-girlfriend

set his car on fire
because of these idiots.

-What are you talking about?
-They let her into my house!

Dude, she said
she was locked out.

You checked her I.D.,
right?

We asked for an I.D.

You did this on purpose.
That's absurd.

We had no idea it was your house
or your girlfriend.

I mean, she's like an 8,
and you're a 4 -- no offense.

[ Laughs ]

Hey, what are you smirking at,
Pikachu?

Nothing.
I mean, we were just jok--

well, everybody's
joking around, right?

All right,
the real question is,

what are you gonna do
to make this right?

It was a mistake.
Come on.
Okay.

How about, uh, suspensions
without pay for these boneheads?

Come on, Jerry.

Terry.
Jerry.

-Terry.
-Jerry.

Terry.
Granny: Hey, guys.

So, a mom and son
gave us a box of Popsicles

to say thank you
for being so awesome.

Oh!
None for you.

-Oh, man.
-I'm sorry.

I guess we didn't know
you'd be here.

Whatever.

It's not hot enough
for Popsicles.

It's delicious.
Mmm.

So, what are you gonna do?

Okay, how about this?

I'm gonna ban lockouts.

Firefighters will no longer
let people into their houses.

Let the cops do it.
-Oh, come on, Chief.

-Okay?
-Don't do that to us.

That's why I became
a firefighter.

-I am heartbroken.
-Okay.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-Okay.
-Okay. Play it that way.

Mm-hmm.
Just know that you could
have prevented what's coming.

Wait.
What's that supposed to mean?

It means good luck
getting home tonight...

Pikachu.

Whoa.
Ooh.

Oooh.

-Oh!
-Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Shuck!

♪♪

Unbelievable.

Andy: A boot
on every wheel?

I mean, it's a little bit
over the top.

Somebody get the bolt cutters
and take care of this.

Man,
we need to get revenge.

Damn right we do.
They hit the Chief's SUV.

God,
these guys are assholes.

Hey, man, what's up
with you and Salazar?

Oh,
we dated in high school.

Is that why she calls you,
uh, "Pikachu,"

because you're her Pokémon?

No, because I dumped her,

and then she beat
the shit out of me,

and then she called me
"Pikachu" ever since.

I don't know.
It just...

feels mildly racist,
but I'm not sure.

So, why'd you break up
with her?

Our parts didn't line up.
Hey, you know what?

Regardless, you need
to stick up for yourself.

Really?
I guess so.

Hm.

Hey, it is racist.
You looked it up?

Yeah. Look, look.
Here it is.

Terry.

We need to retaliate.
No, we can't.

What are you talking about?
Why not?

You remember
the FD-PD Feud of 2006?

How could I forget?

All the more reason
to retaliate.

Look, I want to hit them back
as much as you do,

but we can't let it
get out of control.

What's going on here?

In 2006, you were
right there with me.

Yeah.
How could I forget?

Okay.

But I want that SA-5000
Ladder Truck, okay?

And if we get in a feud
with the PD

and Linda Price
finds out,

we're done --
no truck.

This is bigger than a truck,
Terry.

This is about our dignity.
No.

Nothing's bigger
than a truck.

Don't hit back --
that's an order

from your superior officer.

Okay.
I'll tell the guys.

Good.

You got to twist it out.

No, you just got
to get behind it, man.

Hey.
Great news, guys.

Chief says
we can retaliate,

but he doesn't want
to know about it.

That way, if he's questioned,
he can play dumb --

plausible deniability.

Combustible pliability,
just like I was saying.

That, too.
So we're gonna hit 'em hard.

Yeah!
Yeah! Yeah!

Okay, but it's a secret,
so keep it down when you cheer.

[ All quietly cheer ]

♪♪

♪ Ah-ah-ah ♪

♪♪

♪♪

What the frick?!

There's no gas!

♪♪

Oh, what the fuck?!

What's up with the water?!

[ Giggles ]

Oh, yeah.

I was thinking that we would
drive to Seattle,

get matching tattoos, and then
hit a Major League Soccer game.

Yeah.

Baby, why would you
have to bring up my wife?

The gas and water
just got cut off.

Let me call you back,
baby.

What the fuck?!

This is wack.

This is really wack.

♪♪

♪♪

[ Laughs ]

Son of a --

Do you guys remember SARS?

-Mm-hmm.
-The disease?

-Guys, guys, guys.
-Yeah, dude --

Those ladies over there
just gave us free tacos.

What?
Oh, my God.

-Oh.
-Thank you so much.

-Thank you.
-Sisters. Thank you.

-Wow.
-Oh, man.

When was the last time
you saw nuns eating tacos?

I know. I thought they all ate
at the Hamburger Habit.

-Oh! [ Laughs ]
-Habit.

I know.
I'm hysterical.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't the Department
of Water and Power.

Well,
if you have any questions,

you can visit us at
www.IZapYourMom.org.

[ Laughter ]

Not funny, asshole.

My scalp is on fire
right now

because I haven't been able
to rinse out my lice shampoo.

Ugh.
You don't have to admit that,
you know?

You could've just said
"shampoo."

-Yeah. Yeah.
-It's gross, right.
-Just straight shampoo.

I mean, we appreciate
your honesty,

but can you step away
from the tacos, please?

Oh, what -- you get some tacos
from some nuns,

and suddenly,
you guys are all that?

Yeah? Just be aware this feud
is officially on, okay?

I'm gonna work you
like pizza dough.

I mean, you actually
knead pizza dough.

No, that's the last thing
I need --

goes straight to my hips.

-Oh!
-Hey.

Come on. You kidding me?
You got to...

You can't --
You can't turn this off.

Laugh it up.

We're gonna nail you.

In the ass.

Expect it when you least
expect it.

Well, you got to be
more specific,

'cause I'm always
expecting it.

Oh, okay.
Can I see that?

Oh, thanks.
Oh, oops.

-Come on.
-Oh, my God.

Gross.
That's mine.

Remember when I stuffed you
in a locker upside down?

Yeah.
I'm gonna do it again,
Pikachu.

This shit is on like
Michelle Kwan,

and none of you are safe.

-Wow.
-What's up?!

♪♪

Hey. How do I look?
Total CHILF.

Huh?
Where you going?

I'm going to the meeting
with Linda Price

and the budget committee.

I'm gonna seal the deal
on the new truck.

I got to tell you
something.

Unless there's a fire burning,
it can wait.

Okay.
Just keep an eye out

for the cops, in case they want
to hit us with another prank.

Oh, come on.

They're not gonna hit us twice
without us retaliating.

That'd be a breach
of feud protocol.

Yeah, yeah.
It would.

Hey, you know what?
Thank you for not retaliating.

I really appreciate it.

As a reward, I'm gonna let you
drive the new truck first.

Oh.
Oh.

Thank you.
Good work, Penisi!

Yeah, okay.

Hey, man, I've been thinking,
and your fear of Salazar

is making me really
uncomfortable, man.

Like, you got to stick up
for yourself.

Honestly, I love being pushed
around by dominant women.

It's like a mouse being batted
around by a cat.

It's just a thing
I'm into.

-Oh, you mean a fetish?
-No, not a fetish -- a thing.

Oh, that's definitely
a fetish.
No, no, no.
It's a thing.

It's like I just like
to have sex with things

that are much bigger
than me.

It's like if Humpty Dumpty
fucked the wall.

Okay.
You've never experienced

what it's like to be
pushed around by a taller woman?

I mean, she'd have to be
like Madea-sized.

Right.
Like, Tyler Perry-sized.

Yeah, well, you owe yourself
to try it.

You'll never go back.

-Hello.
-Hey.

-Oh, hey.
-Hi.

My daughter and I wanted to show
our appreciation

for all that you do.

We brought you doughnuts.

Are you kidding?
This is great.

You did not have to do that.
Thank you so much.

Ooh, look at those.

Tasty.
Huh?

Yeah.
I like that.

-So --
-What?

Oh, what the hell,
Ike?!

No.

Where'd you get
those doughnuts?

Hey, sweetheart, did the cops
give you those doughnuts?

I-I bought them
from Nut Nuts.

Oh, Nut Nuts.
That sounds reasonable.

Hey, do me a favor.

Why don't you go ahead
and take a bite for me, then?

Oh, no,
they're for you guys.

Yeah, have the first bite.
No, thank you.

Hey, you brought them here.
Go ahead.

No, please get that doughnut
out of my face.

How about you, sweetheart?
Would you like a bite?

But we're not gonna
talk to him anymore.

Thank you so much.

It's against the law
to lie to a fireman.

You know that, right,
sweetheart?

Okay, there we go.
We're done.

Come on, sweetheart.
We're gonna go.

Thank you.
-Don't trust the police, okay?

Ohh!

What the hell is wrong
with you, Ike?!

Hey.
She's lying, man. I-I...

Oh, man!
What am I doing?!

Ohh! Ohh!

This feud's
getting to me, man.

Oh, she's just a little girl!
What'd I do?

All right,
listen, listen, man.

We cannot let this feud
get to us, okay?

If we don't eat these doughnuts,
then the cops win.

Granny's right.
Take the first bite.

Oh, I'm good.
Listen, boys.

I'm going up top.
I'm gonna keep watch.

If I say,
"Zippo, zippo, nine,"

that means there's trouble,
all right?

Stay vigilant, boys.

Tonight, we go to
the mattresses.

To the mattresses!

We got to leave
those steroids alone.

Seriously.
This is bad.

I just let Terry go without
warning him he's in danger.

Wait.
I thought Chief wasn't supposed

to know about this stuff.

Um.

Hey, what's this --
Nut Nuts?

It -- Ah.

♪♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

♪♪

Eddie.
[ Groans ]

♪ Got me a woman
who's cool as a breeze ♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Come on!

♪ She smokes
the same cigarettes as me ♪

I don't like texting
and driving, Eddie.

♪♪

♪ She said she's ready to go ♪

Damn autocorrect!

♪ I know I'll be up
into the night ♪
[ Siren chirps ]

Oh, come on, Eddie!

♪ Talking -- ♪

"You know I ate Mexican
dribbling penicillin"?

Does this make any sense
to you guys?

Mnh. No.

What is that --
a riddle?

[ Laughs ]

[ Siren wails ]

♪♪

Let's go!
I'm late for a meeting!

License and registration,
please.

Are you serious?

We got you
texting and driving.

License and registration.

-Were you guys tailing me?
-No.

Just taking
a bite out of crime.

All right, cut the shit,
Salazar.

I got a meeting
at the City Council.

No one's above the law,
McConky.

Step out of the vehicle.

The hell I will.

Oh, yeah?

Okay, shit for brains.

Pull back, McConky.

I'm the Fire Chief, and I'll
be sure to tell the City Council

that I'm late
because a couple of --

Aah!

♪♪

Eddie: Ah, boy.
He's pissed.

I should probably
tell you guys

Chief actually told me
not to retaliate,

and I disobeyed him.
What?

Why would you
tell us that now?

We don't even have anywhere
to hide.

-Hey, Luce.
-Hey, Uncle Eddie.

-Lucy.
-Hey.

-What's up?
-Yeah, what's up, guys?

-Hey, girls.
-Hey, there they are.

Ike: What are you guys
playing -- "Minecraft" or...?

Nah.
Talk to you after.

Hey, they took my license

'cause I was texting
and driving with you.

Wait.
That's what you're mad about?

Yeah,
that's what I'm mad about.

You know I hate
texting and driving.

Do you guys have any idea
how much shit my dad

gives me
for texting and driving?

Check this out.

I took a selfie
in the jail cell.

Oh!
Looks like he's doing something.

-Oh, that's hilarious.
-Aww.

All right, enough. Come on.
Come on. You got to go.

Let's go.
All right, Dad.

Real proud of you.

Hey, how's Fire Academy going,
Luce?

Pretty good.

I just aced my hazardous
materials exam.

Mm.
Oh, congrats.

You are the "as-best-os."

Good one.

Yeah, now.

I'll use that
at the Academy.

Thank you.
Bye, guys.

-Take it easy, Luce.
-Bye, girls.

-See you later.
-[ Imitates gunfire ]

Ike: Gangnam Style.

Those girls are so excited
to see me every time.

God damn it!

Sorry about the texting
and driving.

It's not your fault.

Everyone knows, in a feud,
it's tit for tat.

They hit us twice in a row.

They tit-tit-tatted us!

I'm the Chief!
I'm supposed to be off-limits.

You know, I feel like
I'm a little to blame.

No, no.
Don't say that, okay?

You tried to warn me,
and I thank you for that.

[ Telephone rings ]

McConky.
Linda: Chief.

Linda Price here
with a helpful tip --

when a budget committee
is going to allocate

half a million bucks to you,

it's a good idea
to show up for the meeting.

Linda, I can explain.
Too late.

They're giving the money
to the police

for an armored truck.

What?!
They don't need that.

Sorry, Chief.

Maybe next year.

[ Grunts ]
You know what?

You were right --
we should have retaliated.

♪♪

Still nothing from Chief.

Is he all right?

Whoa.
Hey, what the hell you guys
doing here?

We want to talk.

Can we sit?

Yeah.

I know we've had
our differences,

but we respect your chief.
Mm.

And what my guys did, well,
they crossed the line,

they went a little rogue,
and it was...

unprofessional.

Guys?

All right.

Mnh.
Shuck!

Sorry.

Just...

took me two calendar years
to restore that Trans Am.

I mean, we're talking 400
horsepower, dual rear exhaust,

Super Comp headers,
custom driveshaft.

I mean, she was my girl!

Yeah.

So when Kimmy burned her,
I went nut,

and I blamed y'all.

Was that misplaced rage?

Yes.

Yes, it was.

And I'm sorry...

for going nut...

on all of you.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

Mm.

♪♪

Hey!

Shuck: Kids bring you guys
Popsicles.

Nuns buy you guys
taco lunches.

Everybody just thinks
you're heroes.

What do they think
about us?

They think we're just jerks
who give out tickets.

And it hurts.

Jerry:
I know it does, yeah.

It hurts
'cause I'm a good guy.

You are.
I'm a good guy.

I like tacos,
and I like Popsicles.

We'll get some
on the ride home.

I know, but we have
to buy 'em --

they don't have to buy 'em.

I made it hard on you.

I asked you to wear platform
shoes, but I loved you.

After you dumped me,
I started calling you "Pikachu"

because it made me feel better
to diminish you,

and I'm sorry for that.

If you'd find it
in your heart --

I reject this apology.

What?

I am saying I reject
this apology, ma'am.

Slap me if you must.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

For a little man,
you just made a huge mistake!

Hey, uh, you all right?

Ohh.

You're a sick son of a bitch.

You really got to try
that sometime.

Ugh, man.
Ohh, man.

I was taken out.

How's that, Polonsky?!

Yeah, come on!

Come on, Polonsky!
Come on!

Yeah, yeah!

Come on!

So, what do you say?

Truce?
I don't know.

Maybe with a gesture
of good faith.

What do you have in mind?

Mm.

We want the fire truck.

Yeah, you call the budget
committee right now

and have them allocate
those funds to us.

Come on, Penisi.
Be realistic.

Polonsky, these two assclowns
hit our chief,

which means
you're up next.

Now, you can end this
right now,

or it's gonna be 2006
all over again.

You remember what happened
back then?

How could I forget?

Courtesy of Captain Penisi.

-Oh.
-Mm.

-All right, what do you say?
-Hey.

You're still at 2456 Maple,
right?

Fine.
You get the truck.

Okay?
All right.

Truce.

Come on.
Is the spit a deal-breaker?

Yeah.
Kind of.

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Truce.
Truce.

First responder
to first responder.

[ Siren wails ]

Son of a bitch!

Would you look at this?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

God damn it!

-Oh!
-Oh!

[ Chanting "Chief" ]

[ Telephone rings ]

Granny: That's our Chief!

Hey, Terry.

Eddie, you'll never guess
what I'm doing.

I'm trashing
Polonsky's office.

Terry, please stop pissing
in the fish tank.

What are you talking about?
You love pissing in fish tanks.

That's your move!

Wait a minute.

How do you know I'm pissing
in the fish tank?

♪♪

Terry.
Jerry.

-Hey.
-Chief. Chief.

-Oh!
-Hey, man, we got you something.

Oh, there he is.
Yeah.

Oh, great.
You done good.

Didn't even rat us out.
Yeah.

Welcome back.
Thank you.

Hey, on a good note,
I got my law degree

while I was on the inside.

Hey.
Hey.

Congrats.
That's using your time wisely.

-Yeah. Thank you.
-Nice.

-Good job.
-Wait.

What's going on
with your face?

What's that?
What do you mean?

Chief, did you murder
someone in there?

What?

What are you doing?
Get --

Stay still.
What are you -- Get --

Oh, no,
just a little schmutz.

Yeah.
So, what's going on
with these mutants?

Feud's over.

We all did some
regrettable things.

But we're gonna bury it.

Although Polonsky
did tell me that,

a couple hours before
I got pulled over,

you guys cut the water and gas
to the police station.

Yeah. That, uh, sounds like
something Polonsky would say.

Classic Polonsky.

Yeah.
Eddie...

I know it was you.

What?

Oh! Oh!

Yeah! Yeah!

Oh.

Will the ringleader of the
retaliation please step forward?

Nobody did anything.

Eddie, I still know
it was you.

What?
Oh!

Aah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Ohh.

Did you do it?

If I admit it, you gonna shiv me
and slash my throat?

Mm, probably not.
Yeah, I did it.

Ah.
Yeah, no shit.

So, wait, wait.
Who gets the truck, then?

Well, when Linda Price
got wind of this,

she decided that neither
of us gets the money.

Wait. So all that money
is still in there?

I don't know who
they gave it to.

♪ It's so easy, but you know it
is a mackin' sleazy ♪

♪ I bought Jacuzzi, but you're
fleein' down to Japaneezy ♪

♪ This girl get fleecey like
my baby Witherspoon get Reesey ♪

It's a little trashy.

Ah.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

-You know I like that.
-You like that?

-Caught that.
-Thank you.