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1
00:00:04,125 --> 00:00:07,393
EDDIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah, aw.
2
00:00:07,655 --> 00:00:08,823
Ahh.
3
00:00:09,575 --> 00:00:10,575
Ahh.
4
00:00:10,955 --> 00:00:12,288
Unbelievable.
5
00:00:12,715 --> 00:00:15,201
I wouldn't have believed it
myself, had I not watched
6
00:00:15,226 --> 00:00:16,625
the whole thing in the mirror.
7
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:17,650
[LAUGHS]
8
00:00:17,675 --> 00:00:20,142
If Jerry ever knew I was having sex
9
00:00:20,167 --> 00:00:23,859
with Eddie Penisi, he'd go psycho.
10
00:00:23,884 --> 00:00:25,876
Ooh, how psycho are we talking?
11
00:00:26,452 --> 00:00:27,523
Does it turn you on?
12
00:00:27,548 --> 00:00:28,921
Yeah, a little bit.
13
00:00:30,177 --> 00:00:31,598
Okay, a lot.
14
00:00:32,019 --> 00:00:33,361
You think he'd be mad, huh?
15
00:00:33,583 --> 00:00:35,959
He would go into a rage if he knew
16
00:00:35,984 --> 00:00:38,647
that you ravaged his
childhood sweetheart.
17
00:00:38,649 --> 00:00:40,878
- Go on, but talk slower.
- [VEHICLE DOOR CLOSES]
18
00:00:41,768 --> 00:00:42,807
Shit, I think he's here.
19
00:00:42,832 --> 00:00:44,552
No, no, no. Don't skip to the end.
20
00:00:44,577 --> 00:00:45,637
I want to savor this.
21
00:00:45,639 --> 00:00:46,971
I just heard his keys in the door.
22
00:00:46,973 --> 00:00:48,106
Mmm, yeah. That's good.
23
00:00:48,108 --> 00:00:49,255
- The details are everything.
- [DOOR CLOSES]
24
00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,371
- JERRY: Lola.
- Huh?
25
00:00:50,420 --> 00:00:51,420
We need a dog.
26
00:00:51,445 --> 00:00:53,111
Holy shit. He really is here.
27
00:00:53,113 --> 00:00:54,119
Under the bed.
28
00:00:54,781 --> 00:00:56,180
I thought you guys were separated.
29
00:00:56,182 --> 00:00:58,689
We are. I just haven't
changed the locks.
30
00:00:59,383 --> 00:01:00,883
Lola, where are you?!
31
00:01:05,037 --> 00:01:06,402
Jerry, no.
32
00:01:06,593 --> 00:01:09,142
One more chance, baby. Come on.
33
00:01:09,167 --> 00:01:11,438
I've learned my lesson.
From now on, Daddy Bear
34
00:01:11,463 --> 00:01:13,709
keeps his service
revolver in his holster,
35
00:01:13,734 --> 00:01:16,646
and he also stops
sleeping with other women.
36
00:01:18,272 --> 00:01:19,562
You look great.
37
00:01:20,151 --> 00:01:21,250
Well, just let me get dressed.
38
00:01:21,275 --> 00:01:22,742
I'll meet you in the kitchen.
39
00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:25,790
Okay.
40
00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:32,726
He calls himself Daddy Bear?
I thought I was a freak.
41
00:01:32,751 --> 00:01:33,885
How do I get you out of here?
42
00:01:33,887 --> 00:01:34,914
I got this.
43
00:01:35,518 --> 00:01:36,630
Eddie, you can't do that.
44
00:01:36,655 --> 00:01:37,789
We're three stories up.
45
00:01:38,170 --> 00:01:39,981
- Eddie!
- You're dynamite.
46
00:01:40,006 --> 00:01:41,938
- No!
- Whoo!
47
00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:43,612
- Yeah!
- Alright!
48
00:01:43,637 --> 00:01:45,819
- Good form.
- Rock 'n' roll, baby.
49
00:01:45,844 --> 00:01:47,886
- Look at him.
- Oh, wow.
50
00:01:48,021 --> 00:01:50,435
I am on a roll. Thanks, guys.
51
00:01:50,460 --> 00:01:51,503
Hey, no problem, man.
52
00:01:51,505 --> 00:01:52,904
We were right down the
street at Starbucks.
53
00:01:52,906 --> 00:01:54,506
Oh, did you get me a grande macchiato
54
00:01:54,508 --> 00:01:55,774
and low-fat raspberry muffin?
55
00:01:55,776 --> 00:01:56,863
We sure did.
56
00:01:56,888 --> 00:01:58,287
You're lucky we were
in the neighborhood.
57
00:01:58,312 --> 00:01:59,397
I'm not lucky.
58
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,118
I'm Eddie Penisi.
59
00:02:01,143 --> 00:02:03,936
- Hey.
- Son of a bitch.
60
00:02:03,961 --> 00:02:06,361
[FOREIGNER'S "HOT BLOODED" PLAYS]
61
00:02:06,386 --> 00:02:11,793
62
00:02:11,937 --> 00:02:14,669
Well, I'm hot blooded
63
00:02:14,694 --> 00:02:17,227
Check it and see
64
00:02:17,252 --> 00:02:20,942
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
65
00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:22,872
I'm hot blooded
66
00:02:24,427 --> 00:02:25,626
[ALL CHEERING]
67
00:02:25,651 --> 00:02:27,783
LINDA: Thank you all
so much for joining us
68
00:02:27,808 --> 00:02:30,008
for this year's Tacoma Police Department
69
00:02:30,010 --> 00:02:32,877
versus Fire Department
charity boxing match.
70
00:02:32,879 --> 00:02:35,547
- Yeah!
- Sorry, Chief.
71
00:02:35,549 --> 00:02:38,121
Didn't mean to use the word
"match" in your presence.
72
00:02:38,485 --> 00:02:39,735
Oh, it's okay.
73
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,753
You used a different
meaning of the word, so...
74
00:02:43,301 --> 00:02:44,931
[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY] So true.
75
00:02:45,395 --> 00:02:48,396
Well, I know the press has
a lot of questions, so...
76
00:02:48,495 --> 00:02:51,199
Yes, Ken Walthers,
"My Neighborhood App."
77
00:02:51,431 --> 00:02:54,433
Care to comment about the
missing dog on Maple Drive?
78
00:02:55,052 --> 00:02:56,656
Okay, no one from the real press?
79
00:02:56,767 --> 00:02:57,767
[CLEARS THROAT]
80
00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,615
Well, then I will announce the matchups.
81
00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:00,839
Yeah!
82
00:03:00,841 --> 00:03:03,775
This year promises four
thrilling showdowns,
83
00:03:03,777 --> 00:03:07,846
TFD Engineer Ike Crystal will
take on Officer Leonard Tubbs,
84
00:03:07,848 --> 00:03:09,982
and Officer Brad Shuck
will go toe-to-toe
85
00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:12,214
with Paramedic Granville Smith.
86
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:16,188
Officer Liz Salazar will
take on Lucy McConky,
87
00:03:16,190 --> 00:03:18,256
who is a collegiate judo champ.
88
00:03:18,258 --> 00:03:19,924
I'd like to take a moment to introduce
89
00:03:19,926 --> 00:03:21,993
a special young man in the crowd,
90
00:03:21,995 --> 00:03:24,929
volunteer junior police
explorer Bucky Edelstein,
91
00:03:24,931 --> 00:03:26,931
who walks the German
Shepherd on weekends.
92
00:03:26,933 --> 00:03:28,533
Aw.
93
00:03:28,535 --> 00:03:32,671
Young Bucky will take on
TFD's very own Andy Myawani.
94
00:03:32,673 --> 00:03:36,008
Now, who's ready for some trash talk?
95
00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:38,142
[ALL CHEERING]
96
00:03:38,144 --> 00:03:39,607
Captain Polonsky.
97
00:03:41,285 --> 00:03:45,217
[CHANTING "TPD"]
98
00:03:45,219 --> 00:03:46,630
[SILENCE]
99
00:03:46,655 --> 00:03:48,251
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
100
00:03:48,365 --> 00:03:51,667
- We look forward to showing Grit City.
- [YAWNING LOUDLY]
101
00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:55,293
Which department has the most grit.
102
00:03:55,295 --> 00:03:57,533
- Boom!
- TPD!
103
00:03:58,058 --> 00:04:01,211
And as far as Tacoma FD is concerned,
104
00:04:01,299 --> 00:04:04,858
well, you have the right
105
00:04:04,883 --> 00:04:07,440
to receive a first-degree beatdown.
106
00:04:07,465 --> 00:04:10,323
- Oh!
- Oh!
107
00:04:10,348 --> 00:04:12,482
You have the right
108
00:04:12,507 --> 00:04:15,130
to have the bitch slapped out of you.
109
00:04:16,050 --> 00:04:17,849
If you cannot stand up after,
110
00:04:17,851 --> 00:04:21,519
a stretcher will be provided for you.
111
00:04:21,521 --> 00:04:23,521
[LAUGHTER]
112
00:04:23,523 --> 00:04:25,784
- TPD out!
- TPD!
113
00:04:25,809 --> 00:04:30,453
[CHANTING "TPD"]
114
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:31,743
[SILENCE]
115
00:04:31,768 --> 00:04:32,967
Wow.
116
00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:35,525
Talk about your Miranda Wrongs.
117
00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:40,948
Okay, now let's get fired
up for Chief Terry McConky.
118
00:04:40,973 --> 00:04:42,440
- Yeah!
- Yes!
119
00:04:42,465 --> 00:04:43,475
Let's go, Chief!
120
00:04:43,477 --> 00:04:44,487
[CHANTING "CHIEF"]
121
00:04:44,512 --> 00:04:46,115
No. No.
122
00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:47,211
Tell them, Chief!
123
00:04:47,213 --> 00:04:49,547
Yeah. We're looking forward to this,
124
00:04:49,549 --> 00:04:52,947
and, uh, it's gonna
be a really big thing.
125
00:04:54,085 --> 00:04:56,879
Oh, sir. Can you clear that doorway?
126
00:04:56,957 --> 00:04:58,708
That is an emergency egress.
127
00:04:59,034 --> 00:05:00,034
Thank you.
128
00:05:00,961 --> 00:05:02,294
Well, that'll sell tickets.
129
00:05:02,296 --> 00:05:06,208
Let's all hear it for the
Battle Just Outside Seattle.
130
00:05:06,542 --> 00:05:09,577
- Alright!
- Yeah!
131
00:05:13,039 --> 00:05:15,657
Hey, probie, I got a ton
of grunt work for you to do.
132
00:05:15,792 --> 00:05:18,242
I got a bunch of unwrapped
hose in the garage.
133
00:05:18,244 --> 00:05:19,911
The equipment needs to
be stowed on the shelves,
134
00:05:19,913 --> 00:05:22,464
and the bathrooms need
a once-over, so come on.
135
00:05:22,814 --> 00:05:24,382
- That's a lot of grunting.
- Here.
136
00:05:24,384 --> 00:05:26,451
I got a probie do-list
for you to do, too.
137
00:05:26,453 --> 00:05:28,057
Start by sharpening the axes.
138
00:05:28,230 --> 00:05:29,964
Somebody used them to
break down a side of beef
139
00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:32,134
that somebody bought at
the butcher shop yesterday.
140
00:05:33,527 --> 00:05:35,994
[GROANS] Hey, Granny.
141
00:05:35,996 --> 00:05:37,662
I got these test results from my doctor,
142
00:05:37,664 --> 00:05:39,050
and it can't make heads or tails of it.
143
00:05:39,075 --> 00:05:40,132
Can you help me out here?
144
00:05:40,995 --> 00:05:43,639
Aha. This is why you've
been so sluggish lately.
145
00:05:43,791 --> 00:05:45,025
I don't think I been that...
146
00:05:45,050 --> 00:05:50,874
[YAWNS LOUDLY]
147
00:05:52,679 --> 00:05:53,745
I don't think I've been that sluggish.
148
00:05:53,747 --> 00:05:55,347
It says here that you got low T.
149
00:05:55,349 --> 00:05:56,815
- Low testosterone?
- Yeah.
150
00:05:56,817 --> 00:05:58,817
You got the levels
of a 13-year-old girl.
151
00:05:58,819 --> 00:05:59,819
Huh.
152
00:06:00,099 --> 00:06:01,806
That's why I've been
watching so much "Riverdale."
153
00:06:01,888 --> 00:06:03,287
I thought it was the dark take
154
00:06:03,289 --> 00:06:04,756
on an otherwise delightful comic book.
155
00:06:04,758 --> 00:06:06,691
Their Jughead doesn't
even wear the crown.
156
00:06:06,693 --> 00:06:08,423
- That part doesn't bother me.
- Yeah, no.
157
00:06:08,448 --> 00:06:10,362
Decline in testosterone happens with age
158
00:06:10,364 --> 00:06:11,629
or unhealthy living.
159
00:06:11,631 --> 00:06:12,964
Huh. What's the fix?
160
00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:14,166
Easy, just take some pills.
161
00:06:14,168 --> 00:06:16,512
You got Testy Boost XL or Pharmasec.
162
00:06:16,588 --> 00:06:17,720
Yeah, right.
163
00:06:17,745 --> 00:06:20,049
Side effects include dry
mouth and hairy knees.
164
00:06:21,041 --> 00:06:22,174
You know, I don't recommend
165
00:06:22,176 --> 00:06:23,441
taking too many pills, though, Chief.
166
00:06:23,443 --> 00:06:24,642
I take a fistful every morning,
167
00:06:24,644 --> 00:06:25,977
and I haven't crapped right in years.
168
00:06:25,979 --> 00:06:27,659
I don't want to jeopardize my craps.
169
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,466
Those are my three
favorite times of the day.
170
00:06:29,491 --> 00:06:30,741
There are other ways, though.
171
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,603
In fact, there's a great article
in this month's "Chiseled AF,"
172
00:06:33,787 --> 00:06:35,899
"Natural Remedies for
Everyday Maladies."
173
00:06:36,256 --> 00:06:37,989
You know, can get your
testosterone levels up
174
00:06:37,991 --> 00:06:40,192
just by doing more
male-based activities.
175
00:06:40,194 --> 00:06:42,194
For instance, you could
get your T levels up
176
00:06:42,196 --> 00:06:43,395
just by eating more steak.
177
00:06:43,397 --> 00:06:44,596
Hmm. I like steak.
178
00:06:44,598 --> 00:06:46,130
That's... that's not how it works.
179
00:06:46,132 --> 00:06:47,199
Let me ask you a question.
180
00:06:47,201 --> 00:06:48,667
You find yourself doing
an overwhelming amount
181
00:06:48,669 --> 00:06:50,134
of female activities?
182
00:06:50,136 --> 00:06:51,603
I do. I'm surrounded by women.
183
00:06:51,605 --> 00:06:53,137
I have a wife and three daughters.
184
00:06:53,139 --> 00:06:54,739
They make me piss sitting down.
185
00:06:54,741 --> 00:06:56,074
They made me buy a cat.
186
00:06:56,076 --> 00:06:57,342
They made me watch "The Voice."
187
00:06:57,344 --> 00:06:59,378
- I do all those.
- Unbelievable.
188
00:07:00,992 --> 00:07:02,648
- Eh.
- Oh.
189
00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:04,006
Ah, man. That's pathetic.
190
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:05,496
- Way off!
- Yikes.
191
00:07:05,876 --> 00:07:06,885
Help me out here, guys.
192
00:07:06,887 --> 00:07:07,934
For the sake of your health,
193
00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:10,484
you need 200cc of steak, stat.
194
00:07:10,509 --> 00:07:11,691
Eat steak.
195
00:07:11,958 --> 00:07:13,157
I can get onboard with that.
196
00:07:13,159 --> 00:07:14,559
Sure, because you never need to base
197
00:07:14,561 --> 00:07:16,160
your medical decisions on science.
198
00:07:16,162 --> 00:07:17,695
Right. Science is for nerds.
199
00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:19,431
I hate nerds.
200
00:07:19,433 --> 00:07:20,433
Carry on.
201
00:07:21,301 --> 00:07:22,767
Hey, if it's like the
middle of the night, though,
202
00:07:22,769 --> 00:07:24,521
you guys do sit down, right?
203
00:07:24,863 --> 00:07:25,863
What?
204
00:07:26,443 --> 00:07:28,043
[ANDY GRUNTING]
205
00:07:28,413 --> 00:07:30,221
This is gonna be our
year. I'm telling you.
206
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:31,395
Ooh, ah!
207
00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:35,041
You guys know the best
way to train for a fight
208
00:07:35,066 --> 00:07:36,272
is lifting heavy crap.
209
00:07:36,463 --> 00:07:37,529
You guys want in on this?
210
00:07:37,628 --> 00:07:39,726
Ha! Try again, Tom Sawyer.
211
00:07:39,751 --> 00:07:41,779
You trying to trick us
into doing your grunt work.
212
00:07:41,922 --> 00:07:44,248
I'm trying to give you
guys the competitive edge.
213
00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:45,939
You guys lost to the cops last year.
214
00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:47,132
- Didn't that suck?
- Yeah.
215
00:07:47,157 --> 00:07:48,793
Yeah. That was pretty shitty, I guess.
216
00:07:48,795 --> 00:07:50,528
This is the year you get revenge.
217
00:07:50,530 --> 00:07:53,642
I mean, how did Rocky Balboa
beat Ivan Drago in "Rocky IV"?
218
00:07:53,667 --> 00:07:55,333
He was more American.
219
00:07:55,335 --> 00:07:58,470
Chopping wood, lifting rocks
in a barn, those were chores.
220
00:07:58,472 --> 00:08:00,404
Rocky was just doing Mickey's chores.
221
00:08:00,406 --> 00:08:02,140
Mickey wasn't in "Rocky
IV." He was dead by then.
222
00:08:02,142 --> 00:08:04,208
Yeah, Lucy. "You're a bum!"
223
00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,877
It's more like, "You're a bum,
224
00:08:05,879 --> 00:08:07,145
and you'll never amount to nothing."
225
00:08:07,147 --> 00:08:08,555
He kind of sounds more drunk like,
226
00:08:08,580 --> 00:08:11,060
"You're a bum, Lucy. I
found you in the Dumpster."
227
00:08:11,085 --> 00:08:12,099
EDDIE: Eh, no. That sucks. It's more
228
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:14,411
this, "You're a bum, I tells you."
229
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:15,609
TERRY: No. Need more spittle.
230
00:08:15,634 --> 00:08:17,689
"You're a stinking bum, Rocky.
231
00:08:17,691 --> 00:08:19,867
I'll never train a
stinking bum like you."
232
00:08:19,892 --> 00:08:20,975
- Oh. There it is.
- Yeah.
233
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,976
One of you guys is a dead man.
234
00:08:23,001 --> 00:08:24,002
So dead.
235
00:08:24,027 --> 00:08:25,852
You guys ever enter a room
without storming in angrily?
236
00:08:25,877 --> 00:08:27,008
I want to know which one of your guys
237
00:08:27,033 --> 00:08:28,700
is sending dick pics to my wife.
238
00:08:28,702 --> 00:08:30,347
Why do you think it was
one of my guys, Jerry?
239
00:08:30,372 --> 00:08:32,533
Because he's wearing blue pants, Terry.
240
00:08:32,558 --> 00:08:34,265
- That could be any uniform.
- Oh, really?
241
00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:36,045
Take a look. What do you see?
242
00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:37,536
Hmm, a penis.
243
00:08:37,561 --> 00:08:38,911
Behind the penis.
244
00:08:38,936 --> 00:08:41,255
- Uh, scrotum.
- Behind the scrotum.
245
00:08:41,280 --> 00:08:42,479
How do you enlarge this thing?
246
00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:43,814
Right there.
247
00:08:43,839 --> 00:08:45,293
Huh? What do you see?
248
00:08:45,478 --> 00:08:48,451
That's a locker with
a Tacoma FD turnout.
249
00:08:48,476 --> 00:08:49,817
I mean, I still see scrotum.
250
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:52,485
Trust me. I know it's not Andy.
251
00:08:52,510 --> 00:08:54,417
Let me just narrow this
down for you, Jerry.
252
00:08:54,442 --> 00:08:56,116
The mystery member belongs to me.
253
00:08:56,141 --> 00:08:57,572
- You son of a bitch.
- No, no!
254
00:08:57,597 --> 00:08:58,663
I'll kill you!
255
00:08:58,665 --> 00:08:59,786
- Whoa!
- You cheated on her.
256
00:08:59,811 --> 00:09:02,288
I was just revenge, a dish best served
257
00:09:02,313 --> 00:09:05,045
with a side of sausage a la Penisi.
258
00:09:05,070 --> 00:09:07,214
- Hey!
- A la Penisi!
259
00:09:07,239 --> 00:09:08,406
A la Penisi!
260
00:09:08,431 --> 00:09:09,431
You know what?
261
00:09:09,456 --> 00:09:10,685
I'm not gonna kill you today.
262
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:12,989
I'm gonna wait till next
week after my guys pummel
263
00:09:13,014 --> 00:09:14,602
your guys at the boxing match
264
00:09:14,627 --> 00:09:17,708
because I challenge
you to the main event.
265
00:09:17,733 --> 00:09:19,297
- Ooh!
- Alright.
266
00:09:19,322 --> 00:09:21,322
I just crapped in my underpants.
267
00:09:21,347 --> 00:09:23,642
Good thing I'm wearing yours.
268
00:09:24,560 --> 00:09:27,425
- Oh!
- Oh!
269
00:09:30,849 --> 00:09:34,370
Doo-doo-doo-doo-da-da!
270
00:09:34,395 --> 00:09:35,395
You know what?
271
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:38,294
You're a dead man,
and I'm telling my guys
272
00:09:38,319 --> 00:09:40,051
anyone who knocks
their opponent out cold
273
00:09:40,273 --> 00:09:42,179
gets a free lobster dinner.
274
00:09:42,204 --> 00:09:43,738
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
275
00:09:43,763 --> 00:09:45,222
We talking Red Lobster,
276
00:09:45,247 --> 00:09:47,622
or we talking tablecloths and napkins
277
00:09:47,647 --> 00:09:50,204
and candles, like, Il Lobsterino?
278
00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,339
Cloth, candles.
279
00:09:52,364 --> 00:09:53,986
- Yeah.
- Sommelier.
280
00:09:54,011 --> 00:09:55,654
- Sommelier.
- Ooh!
281
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,023
Why would you want to go to
a Somalian lobster restaurant?
282
00:09:58,672 --> 00:10:01,186
- We'll see you next week.
- Ooh.
283
00:10:01,385 --> 00:10:03,184
Maybe a snifter of cognac, capreses.
284
00:10:03,209 --> 00:10:04,209
Come on.
285
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:06,163
Relax. It's gonna be fine.
286
00:10:06,338 --> 00:10:07,558
I'm Eddie Penisi.
287
00:10:07,583 --> 00:10:08,600
Eddie
288
00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:09,890
- Hey!
- Whoa!
289
00:10:10,090 --> 00:10:11,206
MAN: Son of a bitch.
290
00:10:15,207 --> 00:10:16,673
[GRUNTING]
291
00:10:20,327 --> 00:10:22,135
Hmm, impressive.
292
00:10:22,564 --> 00:10:25,512
Yeah. Now that this charity match
has turned into a blood sport,
293
00:10:25,537 --> 00:10:26,799
I'm wondering if we should take up
294
00:10:26,824 --> 00:10:28,967
- Judo Girl on her offer.
- Alrighty.
295
00:10:28,992 --> 00:10:30,651
You really thinking
about doing her chores?
296
00:10:30,676 --> 00:10:33,242
What if she is like Mr.
Miyagi from "The Karate Kid,"
297
00:10:33,267 --> 00:10:34,733
and all the repetitive movements
298
00:10:34,758 --> 00:10:36,515
turn into super-cool
martial-arts moves
299
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:37,850
that we can apply to the ring?
300
00:10:40,817 --> 00:10:42,441
Son of a bitch!
301
00:10:42,466 --> 00:10:44,935
- Ooh!
- Ooh-hoo-hoo!
302
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:46,645
Hey, it worked 3 times in the '80s
303
00:10:46,670 --> 00:10:48,592
and one time for Will Smith's son, so...
304
00:10:48,617 --> 00:10:49,895
Yeah. Let's do this.
305
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:51,730
- Let's do it.
- Hey, ma'am.
306
00:10:52,541 --> 00:10:53,717
You ever seen "Robin Hood"?
307
00:10:53,909 --> 00:10:56,244
- You know what I mean?
- Here you go.
308
00:10:56,269 --> 00:10:57,284
Yeah. What's this?
309
00:10:57,309 --> 00:10:58,857
Chief has got low testosterone, so...
310
00:10:58,955 --> 00:11:00,444
Yeah, well, no surprise there.
311
00:11:00,469 --> 00:11:02,439
Terry is a girl's name, and
he's only got one testicle.
312
00:11:02,464 --> 00:11:04,496
Hey, I lost that
testicle saving your life.
313
00:11:04,521 --> 00:11:06,832
So what? The lamb chops are
supposed to hike up your T levels?
314
00:11:06,857 --> 00:11:08,589
Yeah. Granny wants me to take pills.
315
00:11:08,614 --> 00:11:10,682
I figured first I'd try
the Ike Crystal Method.
316
00:11:10,707 --> 00:11:12,640
Yeah. I call it the
Crystal Meth for short.
317
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:14,500
[LAUGHS]
318
00:11:14,722 --> 00:11:16,015
Crystal Meth? Okay.
319
00:11:16,151 --> 00:11:17,201
What's with the crossbow?
320
00:11:17,226 --> 00:11:18,313
I'm going hunting this weekend.
321
00:11:18,338 --> 00:11:19,736
- You don't hunt.
- He does now.
322
00:11:19,761 --> 00:11:21,468
I do now. Oh, you know what?
323
00:11:21,493 --> 00:11:23,573
This thing with you and
little Polonsky, knock it off.
324
00:11:23,598 --> 00:11:24,598
You're playing with fire.
325
00:11:24,623 --> 00:11:26,157
And as we all know, fire is bad.
326
00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:27,381
What can I say, fellas?
327
00:11:27,406 --> 00:11:28,805
Like many first responders,
328
00:11:28,830 --> 00:11:31,278
I have developed quite
a thirst for danger.
329
00:11:31,303 --> 00:11:33,637
Well, drinking danger is not
good for anyone's digestion.
330
00:11:33,662 --> 00:11:36,090
- Just point it that way.
- I don't think you guys understand.
331
00:11:36,115 --> 00:11:37,948
I am such a hot streak right now.
332
00:11:37,973 --> 00:11:39,385
Everything is coming up Eddie.
333
00:11:39,410 --> 00:11:41,418
Every time I go to the track, I win big.
334
00:11:41,443 --> 00:11:43,777
Every time I turn on the
radio, it's Def Leppard.
335
00:11:43,894 --> 00:11:45,929
- I can't lose.
- Well, thanks to you,
336
00:11:45,954 --> 00:11:48,154
all these guys have lobster
bounties on their heads.
337
00:11:48,231 --> 00:11:50,267
Well, I can't speak for the other guys,
338
00:11:50,292 --> 00:11:51,434
but I'm Eddie Penisi.
339
00:11:51,459 --> 00:11:52,895
Eddie
340
00:11:52,993 --> 00:11:54,792
Are you trying to turn your
name into a catch phrase?
341
00:11:54,817 --> 00:11:57,384
No, though it would look
nice on a bumper sticker.
342
00:11:57,503 --> 00:11:59,037
Break it off with Lola Polonsky
343
00:11:59,206 --> 00:12:00,405
before your luck runs out.
344
00:12:00,430 --> 00:12:01,459
Whoa! Oh, boy.
345
00:12:01,484 --> 00:12:03,414
- Oh-hoo-hoo!
- Whoa.
346
00:12:03,439 --> 00:12:04,685
Okay. See that?
347
00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,528
There was a time when
that would have nailed me
348
00:12:06,553 --> 00:12:09,062
right between the
eyes, but not these days
349
00:12:09,087 --> 00:12:11,249
because these days I'm
crapping rabbits' feet.
350
00:12:11,274 --> 00:12:12,693
Eddie
351
00:12:15,533 --> 00:12:16,632
Medium rare?
352
00:12:16,657 --> 00:12:17,795
Yeah. I barely cooked them.
353
00:12:18,552 --> 00:12:19,664
I like medium well.
354
00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,033
Roll the hose. Roll the hose.
355
00:12:24,058 --> 00:12:25,160
Roll the hose.
356
00:12:25,244 --> 00:12:28,513
I like to see you keeping
it tight, mopping the floors.
357
00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,060
Yep, full extension.
358
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:31,618
Great work, Ike.
359
00:12:32,630 --> 00:12:34,016
Clean the toilet bowl.
360
00:12:34,041 --> 00:12:36,251
Clean the toilet bowl, and... Oh, man.
361
00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:38,373
It's kind of hard to yell at you
when you're looking like that.
362
00:12:38,398 --> 00:12:40,056
I feel it in my triceps, coach.
363
00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:42,820
You're killing it, Andy. Keep it up.
364
00:12:42,933 --> 00:12:45,730
Can you talk to me
about your influences?
365
00:12:45,755 --> 00:12:48,860
I think my fighting style
could best be described
366
00:12:48,885 --> 00:12:50,965
as the grace of George Foreman
367
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:53,231
with the intensity of Jackie Chan.
368
00:12:54,422 --> 00:12:55,685
Son of a bitch.
369
00:12:56,256 --> 00:12:57,497
You really called the press?
370
00:12:57,522 --> 00:12:58,950
Hey, I love this beat.
371
00:12:59,173 --> 00:13:01,635
I mean, usually I just
post pictures about people
372
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:03,080
I don't think belong
in the neighborhood.
373
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,200
[CELLPHONE DINGS]
374
00:13:04,371 --> 00:13:07,742
Hello. I have to go.
375
00:13:07,767 --> 00:13:10,951
Uh, there's a missing
package on Mulberry Lane.
376
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,909
- That guy's the best.
- Sounds important.
377
00:13:13,934 --> 00:13:16,578
Cap, you should really come
train with us, you know?
378
00:13:16,889 --> 00:13:17,889
I don't know if you know this,
379
00:13:17,891 --> 00:13:19,297
but Polonsky is a
Golden Gloves champion.
380
00:13:19,322 --> 00:13:21,402
No need. I got the psychological edge.
381
00:13:21,427 --> 00:13:22,800
I'm putting the stones to his wife.
382
00:13:22,825 --> 00:13:24,404
That does a number on a guy.
383
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:25,430
ANDY: Check this out.
384
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,520
Polonsky just tagged
you in a video, Cap.
385
00:13:27,545 --> 00:13:29,345
[GRUNTING]
386
00:13:29,472 --> 00:13:32,087
Penisi, I am gonna bury you
387
00:13:32,364 --> 00:13:34,756
and then have a holiday
party on your grave!
388
00:13:35,048 --> 00:13:36,414
[LAUGHING]
389
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:41,008
- Wow. He's good.
- Fast, too.
390
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:42,121
LUCY: You sure you
don't want to take this
391
00:13:42,146 --> 00:13:43,217
a little more seriously?
392
00:13:43,406 --> 00:13:45,236
You're right. I got to step up my game.
393
00:13:46,150 --> 00:13:47,150
[GRUNTS]
394
00:13:47,454 --> 00:13:48,596
Ahh.
395
00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:49,628
Now I'm ready.
396
00:13:49,653 --> 00:13:52,012
- Ah, not quite.
- Oh-ho-ho-ho.
397
00:13:52,037 --> 00:13:53,379
There you go. Now you are.
398
00:13:53,404 --> 00:13:55,795
Smooth as the day your
doctor slapped that behind.
399
00:13:55,820 --> 00:13:56,844
Thanks, Andy's mom.
400
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:59,378
Always a pleasure having
you bronze and depilate me.
401
00:13:59,403 --> 00:14:01,078
Everybody is talking about the big fight
402
00:14:01,103 --> 00:14:02,404
- on "My Neighborhood App."
- Mm-hmm.
403
00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:05,035
I got big Benjamins riding
on you, Captain Eddie.
404
00:14:05,060 --> 00:14:07,212
Whatever you're betting, double it.
405
00:14:07,344 --> 00:14:08,847
Polonsky is a monster.
406
00:14:08,872 --> 00:14:11,495
Maybe you'd want to take a supplement,
407
00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:14,721
maybe not FDA approved, maybe?
408
00:14:14,746 --> 00:14:16,746
No thanks. I got this fight in the bag.
409
00:14:16,771 --> 00:14:18,827
Remember, I'm Eddie Penisi.
410
00:14:18,852 --> 00:14:19,876
Eddie
411
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:21,942
Alright. Nobody questions
you're Eddie Penisi,
412
00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:25,089
but in case you're not,
perhaps you'd be interested
413
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:29,450
in taking something called whale haunch.
414
00:14:29,907 --> 00:14:31,286
- Whale haunch?
- Mm-hmm.
415
00:14:31,311 --> 00:14:32,939
Strongest part of the whale.
416
00:14:32,964 --> 00:14:34,297
King Konali Pakooli
417
00:14:34,322 --> 00:14:36,379
gave it to his warriors
before every battle.
418
00:14:36,582 --> 00:14:38,735
Gave them untold strength.
419
00:14:39,159 --> 00:14:40,453
Hmm, I don't know.
420
00:14:40,478 --> 00:14:41,811
Aw, come on.
421
00:14:41,905 --> 00:14:44,275
I need to get rid of this stuff
in case there's a raid, huh?
422
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,293
Okay, Andy's mom, for you.
423
00:14:46,318 --> 00:14:47,667
Alright. $22.95.
424
00:14:47,692 --> 00:14:48,824
- I'll take two.
- Good.
425
00:14:48,849 --> 00:14:50,115
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
426
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,863
Can I get you anything else?
427
00:14:51,888 --> 00:14:54,962
Perhaps you'd be
interested in a gremlin?
428
00:14:54,987 --> 00:14:55,992
You got a gremlin in there?
429
00:14:56,017 --> 00:14:57,350
Careful. She's in heat.
430
00:15:00,679 --> 00:15:02,546
LUCY: Well, I think
that's it for the training.
431
00:15:02,571 --> 00:15:04,698
You fellas are in great
shape, totally ready.
432
00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:06,395
Wait. That's it?
433
00:15:06,429 --> 00:15:08,128
We're ready at the exact same time
434
00:15:08,153 --> 00:15:09,558
that all your grunt work is finished.
435
00:15:09,583 --> 00:15:11,716
There isn't any hidden
Mr. Miyagi techniques
436
00:15:11,741 --> 00:15:12,749
to use in the ring?
437
00:15:12,774 --> 00:15:14,536
When you gonna show us
how it all comes together?
438
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,158
That kind of shit
only happens in movies.
439
00:15:16,183 --> 00:15:17,969
- What?! Are you kidding me?
- What?
440
00:15:17,994 --> 00:15:19,921
You guys are good
boxers. You'll be fine.
441
00:15:21,322 --> 00:15:22,533
We trusted you.
442
00:15:22,936 --> 00:15:24,359
Oh, Ike.
443
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,649
- [SLOW-MOTION] Whoa!
- [SLOW-MOTION] Whoa!
444
00:15:33,870 --> 00:15:35,765
Clean the toilet!
445
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,749
Roll the hose!
446
00:15:37,774 --> 00:15:39,449
Clean the toilet! Clean the toilet!
447
00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:40,807
Hey, Lucy. Throw me a punch.
448
00:15:41,062 --> 00:15:42,110
Ah!
449
00:15:42,135 --> 00:15:44,549
Throw me a punch! Clean the toilet!
450
00:15:45,009 --> 00:15:47,426
There were hidden Miyagi
techniques in the grunt work.
451
00:15:47,451 --> 00:15:48,650
I guess there was.
452
00:15:48,675 --> 00:15:51,033
- We're gonna kick some ass.
- Oh, yeah!
453
00:15:51,058 --> 00:15:52,202
Do me! Do me!
454
00:15:52,726 --> 00:15:54,035
- Whoa!
- Oh, oh.
455
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:55,106
- You good?
- I wasn't ready.
456
00:15:55,131 --> 00:15:56,152
Yeah. Go again.
457
00:15:57,102 --> 00:15:58,568
- Yeah!
- Hey!
458
00:15:58,593 --> 00:16:00,392
- We're gonna kill them.
- Hell yeah!
459
00:16:00,417 --> 00:16:01,884
[ELECTRIC-GUITAR MUSIC PLAYING]
460
00:16:14,644 --> 00:16:16,689
Hey, Vicky and girls! What's up?!
461
00:16:17,479 --> 00:16:18,878
Okay. Wow.
462
00:16:18,903 --> 00:16:20,366
- What is this?
- Down here, right here.
463
00:16:20,391 --> 00:16:22,558
- Whoo! This is where the good stuff is.
- Is it? Is it?
464
00:16:22,583 --> 00:16:24,052
This is where the rock 'n' roll is.
465
00:16:24,077 --> 00:16:25,519
Yeah, but you don't play guitar.
466
00:16:25,544 --> 00:16:27,395
Oh, you're right. I shred it.
467
00:16:28,677 --> 00:16:30,277
Wow. That's painful.
468
00:16:30,302 --> 00:16:31,954
- And you can hear it.
- Okay. Alright. Alright.
469
00:16:31,979 --> 00:16:33,059
Let's bring it down.
Let's bring it down.
470
00:16:33,084 --> 00:16:35,074
- Slash!
- Let's bring it down, okay?
471
00:16:35,099 --> 00:16:36,110
You like Slash?
472
00:16:36,135 --> 00:16:37,860
No. I don't. I really don't, baby.
473
00:16:37,885 --> 00:16:38,885
No.
474
00:16:38,910 --> 00:16:41,075
Anyway, you texted me about the girls.
475
00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:42,980
Now you can't take them to
the movies with their friends?
476
00:16:43,005 --> 00:16:44,060
- What's happening?
- I can't
477
00:16:44,085 --> 00:16:46,053
chaperone 10 little girls to the movies
478
00:16:46,078 --> 00:16:48,895
to watch some sort of female
a cappella group solve crimes.
479
00:16:49,073 --> 00:16:50,292
It hurts my T levels.
480
00:16:50,317 --> 00:16:52,718
I read it in "Chiseled AF" magazine.
481
00:16:52,743 --> 00:16:55,138
Partaking in female
activities is bad for my T.
482
00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,012
So you want to up your T levels?
483
00:16:57,037 --> 00:16:58,648
It's not complicated.
You just take a pill.
484
00:16:58,673 --> 00:17:00,405
I can easily get you Shaftamax.
485
00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:01,929
I can get you Nutchaspike.
486
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,779
I get it. You're all science-driven.
487
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:05,806
I want to do things the natural way.
488
00:17:06,238 --> 00:17:07,238
Okay.
489
00:17:07,263 --> 00:17:09,181
I guess you won't need
these sweet little cupcakes
490
00:17:09,206 --> 00:17:10,333
your daughters made for you.
491
00:17:10,358 --> 00:17:12,732
They're pink and girly
and sprinkle-y and rainbow
492
00:17:12,757 --> 00:17:15,274
because you, you're a
manly son of a bitch.
493
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:16,329
- Come on, girls.
- Hold on a second.
494
00:17:16,354 --> 00:17:17,845
Now, wait, wait, whoa, whoa.
495
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:19,527
Oh, hey, sis. Hey,
girls. I'll take those.
496
00:17:19,552 --> 00:17:21,648
Yeah. No problem. Just
don't let the chief have any.
497
00:17:21,673 --> 00:17:23,195
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Chiefy.
498
00:17:23,220 --> 00:17:25,625
I got something for
you... whale haunch.
499
00:17:25,883 --> 00:17:27,745
King Krakatoa used to
give this to his warriors
500
00:17:27,770 --> 00:17:29,570
before they ripped the
heads of their enemies
501
00:17:29,595 --> 00:17:31,368
- with their bare hands.
- This will make me manly?
502
00:17:31,393 --> 00:17:33,259
That'll spike your T
right through your skull.
503
00:17:33,284 --> 00:17:34,483
I guess at this point,
anything helps, right?
504
00:17:34,508 --> 00:17:36,108
- That's right.
- Alright.
505
00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:37,358
- Yeah.
- Bombs away.
506
00:17:37,383 --> 00:17:38,932
Do it. Oh, yeah. Chug it. Look at that.
507
00:17:38,957 --> 00:17:40,456
You're becoming one with the ocean.
508
00:17:40,481 --> 00:17:42,280
- Ouf.
- Oh, yeah.
509
00:17:42,552 --> 00:17:43,968
- Yeah!
- That's manly.
510
00:17:43,993 --> 00:17:45,050
Whale haunch!
511
00:17:45,075 --> 00:17:47,862
- Whoa!
- Hey.
512
00:17:47,887 --> 00:17:50,220
This little guy survived
as my streak continues.
513
00:17:50,245 --> 00:17:51,444
Hey, hey. Good luck in that match
514
00:17:51,469 --> 00:17:53,469
tomorrow, man, although I know
515
00:17:53,494 --> 00:17:55,701
you don't need it, right,
because you're Eddie...
516
00:17:55,726 --> 00:17:57,560
Penisi!
517
00:18:00,740 --> 00:18:04,219
Aaaah!
518
00:18:04,244 --> 00:18:05,307
Aah!
519
00:18:05,917 --> 00:18:08,715
[GROWLING]
520
00:18:12,505 --> 00:18:15,363
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
521
00:18:15,388 --> 00:18:18,313
Ladies and gentlemen of Tacoma,
522
00:18:18,338 --> 00:18:21,740
let's get prepared to pummel.
523
00:18:21,765 --> 00:18:24,479
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
524
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:26,905
Alright, guys. Remember,
just go to the moves.
525
00:18:26,930 --> 00:18:29,303
Mop the floor. Scrub
the toilet. Roll the hose.
526
00:18:29,328 --> 00:18:30,578
They are not gonna know what hit them.
527
00:18:30,603 --> 00:18:31,670
ALL: Yes, Sensei!
528
00:18:31,672 --> 00:18:34,005
[BELL DINGS]
529
00:18:34,007 --> 00:18:38,086
[CROWD YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
530
00:18:38,111 --> 00:18:41,699
LUCY: Come on, Granny. Roll the hose.
531
00:18:41,724 --> 00:18:43,296
- Roll the hose.
- Roll the hose.
532
00:18:43,321 --> 00:18:44,454
- Roll the hose.
- Yeah!
533
00:18:45,368 --> 00:18:46,368
Ouf!
534
00:18:48,358 --> 00:18:49,851
- Oops.
- [BELL DINGS]
535
00:18:49,876 --> 00:18:51,073
Alright, Ike. You got this.
536
00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:53,742
- Tubbs! Tubbs!
- Come on, buddy.
537
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,219
Just like we practiced, big guy.
538
00:18:55,244 --> 00:18:56,905
Mop the floor! Mop the floor!
539
00:18:56,930 --> 00:18:59,247
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
540
00:19:01,178 --> 00:19:02,178
Okay.
541
00:19:05,504 --> 00:19:07,371
[LAUGHS]
542
00:19:07,396 --> 00:19:08,396
Oh!
543
00:19:09,668 --> 00:19:10,992
Let's do this, Pikachu.
544
00:19:11,354 --> 00:19:13,811
My head says no, but my libido says yes.
545
00:19:13,836 --> 00:19:15,875
Doesn't he have that thing
where he likes to get hit by her?
546
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,353
Yeah. It's called a fetish.
547
00:19:18,137 --> 00:19:20,704
Scrub the toilet! Scrub the toilet!
548
00:19:22,195 --> 00:19:23,491
I'm sorry, Andy.
549
00:19:23,516 --> 00:19:24,888
Ah, don't worry about it.
550
00:19:25,380 --> 00:19:26,921
Either way, I come out a winner.
551
00:19:26,946 --> 00:19:28,040
You need help, man.
552
00:19:28,065 --> 00:19:30,423
[CROWD YELLING INDISTINCTLY]
553
00:19:34,486 --> 00:19:37,343
LUCY: Come on, man.
Turn around and fight.
554
00:19:38,105 --> 00:19:39,335
Ugh!
555
00:19:40,081 --> 00:19:41,499
It's hard to feel good about that.
556
00:19:43,587 --> 00:19:45,091
- You don't need to do it.
- Let me do it.
557
00:19:45,116 --> 00:19:46,766
Ow, ow, ow, ow, stop. Stop. Stop.
558
00:19:46,791 --> 00:19:47,807
Okay. Okay. Okay.
559
00:19:47,832 --> 00:19:49,373
Hey, boys. Check it out.
560
00:19:49,854 --> 00:19:51,231
Am I right? Like a king.
561
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,589
Dude, you look like Gandalf.
562
00:19:52,614 --> 00:19:54,329
It's a little long,
but check this out...
563
00:19:54,354 --> 00:19:55,361
rhinestones.
564
00:19:55,386 --> 00:19:57,317
- "Penisi Street."
- Too much?
565
00:19:57,342 --> 00:19:59,007
- I paid extra.
- Worth every penny.
566
00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:00,329
You kidding me, Cap? Looks great.
567
00:20:00,354 --> 00:20:01,440
It's nice, right? It pops.
568
00:20:01,465 --> 00:20:02,775
You know what? Let's make dinner plans.
569
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,451
This thing is gonna
be over in 10 minutes.
570
00:20:04,476 --> 00:20:06,478
- Granny, lace them up.
- Okay.
571
00:20:06,631 --> 00:20:08,073
Oh, hey, Ikey, will you
read that text to me?
572
00:20:08,098 --> 00:20:09,146
Sure, Cap.
573
00:20:09,171 --> 00:20:11,395
It's not so much a
text as it is a picture
574
00:20:11,420 --> 00:20:13,397
- of the female genitalia.
- Nice. Okay.
575
00:20:13,422 --> 00:20:15,025
Text back, "I likes it,"
576
00:20:15,050 --> 00:20:16,876
with the emoji of your choice.
577
00:20:16,901 --> 00:20:18,982
You sure, Cap? I mean,
it's really graphic.
578
00:20:19,253 --> 00:20:20,276
I'm getting laced up.
579
00:20:20,301 --> 00:20:21,901
I'm about to save the
honor of the station.
580
00:20:22,002 --> 00:20:23,740
Do me a solid. Text back.
581
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:24,996
You choose the emoji.
582
00:20:25,419 --> 00:20:26,887
Of course. Alright. Yeah. Sure.
583
00:20:27,921 --> 00:20:28,987
"I likes it." Yeah. Pretzel emoji.
584
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,409
- Pretzel?
- What, you don't like pretzels?
585
00:20:33,644 --> 00:20:34,910
Hi, sweetie.
586
00:20:34,935 --> 00:20:36,534
I came to watch you kick his ass.
587
00:20:36,559 --> 00:20:38,260
Hey, Lola. How you doing?
588
00:20:38,833 --> 00:20:40,366
We were just sexting you.
589
00:20:41,072 --> 00:20:42,715
You have a wonderful
tramp stamp by the way.
590
00:20:42,833 --> 00:20:44,232
I don't have a tramp stamp.
591
00:20:44,257 --> 00:20:45,923
- That'll be all, Ike.
- Is that you?
592
00:20:46,094 --> 00:20:48,202
[GASPS] You've been cheating on me?
593
00:20:48,227 --> 00:20:50,370
Did we establish exclusivity?
594
00:20:50,395 --> 00:20:51,434
You asshole.
595
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:53,294
Oh! Oh! Oh!
596
00:20:53,319 --> 00:20:54,566
Wow!
597
00:20:54,591 --> 00:20:57,108
I'll rip your head off
your scrawny little body.
598
00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:59,154
- Sleep with one eye open, you prick.
- Get her out of here.
599
00:20:59,512 --> 00:21:00,829
I'm gonna get you.
600
00:21:00,854 --> 00:21:01,957
Okay. Take it easy.
601
00:21:01,982 --> 00:21:03,131
What the hell happened in here?
602
00:21:03,156 --> 00:21:04,481
Oh, my ankle.
603
00:21:04,506 --> 00:21:05,572
Ahh.
604
00:21:06,442 --> 00:21:07,957
Your last name has penis in it.
605
00:21:08,116 --> 00:21:09,308
Anyone else notice that?
606
00:21:09,410 --> 00:21:11,588
Oh, yeah. This ankle is broken.
607
00:21:11,724 --> 00:21:13,083
I'm gonna have to pull
him from the fight.
608
00:21:13,108 --> 00:21:15,086
I guess it's Polonsky's lucky day.
609
00:21:15,111 --> 00:21:16,644
- Oh, it's his lucky day?
- Somebody go tell him.
610
00:21:16,669 --> 00:21:18,098
He just got a reprieve
from the governor.
611
00:21:18,123 --> 00:21:20,178
He's faking. Pussy!
612
00:21:20,203 --> 00:21:22,003
Well, he's still gonna kick your ass.
613
00:21:22,028 --> 00:21:23,095
In, like, 6 to 8 weeks.
614
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,405
Yeah. Yeah. You hear
that? Mark your calendar.
615
00:21:25,430 --> 00:21:28,564
Oh, you're having your sister
do your fighting for you now.
616
00:21:28,589 --> 00:21:30,434
Oh! Don't talk about my wife like that.
617
00:21:30,514 --> 00:21:32,230
I'll fight you myself, you assclown.
618
00:21:32,255 --> 00:21:33,556
Bring it on, fat boy.
619
00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,181
I don't care who it is at this point.
620
00:21:35,206 --> 00:21:36,496
Let's do this, ginger.
621
00:21:36,521 --> 00:21:39,251
Ginger?! Oh! It's on!
622
00:21:40,176 --> 00:21:41,372
Terry, you sure about this?
623
00:21:41,397 --> 00:21:42,730
Yeah. I'm sure about this.
624
00:21:43,107 --> 00:21:44,218
Ah!
625
00:21:44,488 --> 00:21:47,379
Uh, what in God's name is that?
626
00:21:47,404 --> 00:21:49,555
- You'll see.
- Mm!
627
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:52,693
Whale haunch, makes a man strong.
628
00:21:52,718 --> 00:21:54,054
Chief, you haven't even trained.
629
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,484
I don't need to train because tonight,
630
00:21:55,890 --> 00:21:57,517
- I'm Eddie Penisi.
-
Eddie
631
00:21:57,542 --> 00:21:59,249
- Hey!
- Hey!
632
00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:02,801
And now for the main event,
633
00:22:02,826 --> 00:22:05,997
followed by the raffle
for the leaf blower,
634
00:22:06,174 --> 00:22:11,275
in this corner, weighing
190, the Jabrona from Tacoma,
635
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:13,673
Police Captain Jerry Polonsky!
636
00:22:13,698 --> 00:22:15,506
- Yeah!
- Boo!
637
00:22:15,825 --> 00:22:18,358
And in this corner, weighing...
638
00:22:18,383 --> 00:22:19,668
195!
639
00:22:20,416 --> 00:22:21,548
Sure.
640
00:22:21,702 --> 00:22:23,745
Fire Chief Terry McConky.
641
00:22:23,770 --> 00:22:25,436
- Whoo!
- Go, Terry!
642
00:22:25,438 --> 00:22:26,946
- Come on!
- Yeah!
643
00:22:26,971 --> 00:22:28,043
[GROWLS]
644
00:22:28,068 --> 00:22:29,925
- Yeah, there he is.
- Yes!
645
00:22:29,950 --> 00:22:31,387
- You up for this, Chief?
- Yeah.
646
00:22:31,412 --> 00:22:33,039
I've been taking whale haunch.
647
00:22:33,064 --> 00:22:35,183
- Where'd you get that from?
- Eddie gave it to me.
648
00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:37,018
- Where'd you get that from?
- From your mom.
649
00:22:37,043 --> 00:22:38,720
Oh, that stuff is bullshit.
650
00:22:38,745 --> 00:22:41,011
It's just coconut water
and vanilla extract.
651
00:22:41,036 --> 00:22:43,837
She tell you a whole story
about King Kalapanaki?
652
00:22:43,862 --> 00:22:44,871
Yeah. It's a great story.
653
00:22:44,896 --> 00:22:46,063
No. It's all fake.
654
00:22:46,354 --> 00:22:48,754
God, she makes so much money
preying off white people's
655
00:22:48,779 --> 00:22:50,923
condescending beliefs
in third-world cultures.
656
00:22:50,948 --> 00:22:53,498
Shrewd. She is so full
of ancient-island wisdom.
657
00:22:53,523 --> 00:22:54,697
She try to sell you a gremlin?
658
00:22:54,722 --> 00:22:56,975
- She sold me a gremlin.
- No. It's a flying squirrel.
659
00:22:57,102 --> 00:22:58,190
So wait. It's not real?
660
00:22:58,215 --> 00:22:59,280
Mnh-mnh.
661
00:22:59,305 --> 00:23:00,483
Oh, shit.
662
00:23:00,691 --> 00:23:01,697
[BELL DINGS]
663
00:23:01,722 --> 00:23:02,763
[SCREAMING]
664
00:23:02,788 --> 00:23:05,154
[GROANING]
665
00:23:05,179 --> 00:23:06,190
[BELL DINGING]
666
00:23:06,215 --> 00:23:08,316
[SCREAMING AND GROANING CONTINUE]
667
00:23:12,962 --> 00:23:14,862
[ANDY GROANING]
668
00:23:16,534 --> 00:23:18,434
Ahh.
669
00:23:22,529 --> 00:23:26,215
[GROANING]
670
00:23:27,210 --> 00:23:28,398
What'd the doctor say?
671
00:23:28,423 --> 00:23:29,614
He said I have contusions,
672
00:23:29,639 --> 00:23:31,773
lacerations and a little
bit of brain damage.
673
00:23:31,798 --> 00:23:33,460
He says I'm lucky I
still know how to breathe.
674
00:23:34,501 --> 00:23:37,289
Oh, but that beating did
somehow raise my T levels,
675
00:23:37,314 --> 00:23:39,538
so, Granny, I did it the natural way.
676
00:23:40,045 --> 00:23:42,111
- Hey.
- You're an inspiration.
677
00:23:42,136 --> 00:23:44,241
- [BELL DINGS]
- Whoo!
678
00:23:44,266 --> 00:23:45,895
What an unforgettable night, huh, guys?
679
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:46,920
TERRY: Oh, yeah. Let me guess.
680
00:23:46,945 --> 00:23:49,096
On the way to the hospital,
you boned the ambulance driver.
681
00:23:49,121 --> 00:23:50,121
Close.
682
00:23:50,146 --> 00:23:52,296
You got to the hospital, and
you boned the E.R. doctor.
683
00:23:52,321 --> 00:23:53,823
No. I made sweet love
684
00:23:53,848 --> 00:23:55,960
to the lady that rented me this scooter.
685
00:23:55,985 --> 00:23:57,127
Son of a bitch.
686
00:23:57,152 --> 00:23:58,218
And after the lovemaking,
687
00:23:58,243 --> 00:24:00,092
I found a buffalo nickel
in the parking lot.
688
00:24:00,117 --> 00:24:01,331
How do you do it, huh, Cap?
689
00:24:01,484 --> 00:24:03,283
How does everything keep
coming up roses for you?
690
00:24:03,308 --> 00:24:05,588
It's easy, my friend. I'm Eddie Penisi.
691
00:24:05,613 --> 00:24:06,756
Eddie
692
00:24:06,781 --> 00:24:08,248
Okay. That's it.
693
00:24:08,544 --> 00:24:09,544
What are you doing?
694
00:24:09,569 --> 00:24:11,897
You need a little humble pie,
and I'm the guy to feed you.
695
00:24:11,946 --> 00:24:14,139
Are you threatening me?
Do you know who I am?
696
00:24:14,164 --> 00:24:15,187
I know who you are.
697
00:24:15,212 --> 00:24:16,649
You're a guy whose luck just ran out.
698
00:24:16,748 --> 00:24:17,799
Come at me.
699
00:24:18,137 --> 00:24:19,848
My fist, your face,
700
00:24:19,876 --> 00:24:22,535
- a match made in heaven.
- Ding, ding.
701
00:24:22,757 --> 00:24:24,490
[BELL DINGS]
702
00:24:24,540 --> 00:24:29,090
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