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1
00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:48,882
Hey, see that guy?
2
00:00:48,883 --> 00:00:50,049
He just turned 30.
3
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,315
Wow.
4
00:00:52,316 --> 00:00:53,216
That's what you're going to look like
5
00:00:53,217 --> 00:00:54,582
in a couple days, Mikey.
6
00:00:54,583 --> 00:00:57,182
Oh, don't listen to him.
You look like you're ten.
7
00:00:57,183 --> 00:01:00,181
Yeah, but this strange
thing happens on your 30th.
8
00:01:00,182 --> 00:01:01,314
You look great the night before,
9
00:01:01,315 --> 00:01:02,548
but then you wake up the next morning,
10
00:01:02,549 --> 00:01:06,447
and your ass is down to there,
and your dick disappears.
11
00:01:06,448 --> 00:01:08,280
Well, I'm 33. What does that make me
12
00:01:08,281 --> 00:01:11,345
uh, did you guys just hear something?
13
00:01:11,346 --> 00:01:13,512
Like a voice from the dead?
14
00:01:13,513 --> 00:01:15,312
I'm glad I didn't move in with David.
15
00:01:15,313 --> 00:01:17,279
I don't know how much time I have left.
16
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:18,545
I don't know what I was thinking.
17
00:01:18,546 --> 00:01:20,411
Well, perhaps you were
lured by the prospect
18
00:01:20,412 --> 00:01:22,545
of all that chiropractic sex.
19
00:01:22,546 --> 00:01:25,877
The sex wasn't that great.
20
00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:29,143
I seem to remember something
about a "talented tongue."
21
00:01:29,144 --> 00:01:31,409
Yeah, and uh, "fantastic fingers".
22
00:01:31,410 --> 00:01:33,309
Orgasms that wouldn't quit.
23
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:35,242
All right, the sex was great.
24
00:01:35,243 --> 00:01:36,210
It's just...
25
00:01:36,211 --> 00:01:37,308
It gets boring, you know,
26
00:01:37,309 --> 00:01:39,108
with the same person, after a while.
27
00:01:39,109 --> 00:01:41,108
Well, I wouldn't know.
28
00:01:41,109 --> 00:01:42,808
Well, now I'm ready
to do all those things
29
00:01:42,809 --> 00:01:43,974
you can't do with a boyfriend,
30
00:01:43,975 --> 00:01:46,340
like go to the clubs,
and go out dancing.
31
00:01:46,341 --> 00:01:48,140
Go home alone.
32
00:01:48,141 --> 00:01:52,406
Hey, busboy!
33
00:01:54,907 --> 00:01:59,272
Do you think we could get some water?
34
00:02:01,139 --> 00:02:02,337
What is he doing here?
35
00:02:02,338 --> 00:02:04,137
Isn't he adorable?
36
00:02:04,138 --> 00:02:06,037
The customers love him.
37
00:02:06,038 --> 00:02:08,470
His ass gets more
compliments than the burgers.
38
00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:12,036
'Cause his buns are fresh.
39
00:02:12,037 --> 00:02:14,270
Jesus.
40
00:02:14,271 --> 00:02:16,269
You live in my room
at my mother's house.
41
00:02:16,270 --> 00:02:17,170
You work where I eat.
42
00:02:17,171 --> 00:02:18,436
I can't get rid of you, can I?
43
00:02:18,437 --> 00:02:19,902
Blame him.
44
00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:21,868
He's the one who's making me do this.
45
00:02:21,869 --> 00:02:23,835
He's just paying off the charges he made
46
00:02:23,836 --> 00:02:25,134
on my credit card.
47
00:02:25,135 --> 00:02:26,268
Couldn't you send him to prison?
48
00:02:26,269 --> 00:02:28,867
This is worse.
49
00:02:31,801 --> 00:02:32,801
Where's David?
50
00:02:32,802 --> 00:02:36,901
Um, I think he had a patient.
51
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:39,932
Don't bullshit me.
52
00:02:39,933 --> 00:02:42,366
It ran its course, Deb. Leave it alone.
53
00:02:47,065 --> 00:02:49,164
Okay.
54
00:02:49,165 --> 00:02:51,963
So, Emmett,
55
00:02:51,964 --> 00:02:54,165
how about those blueberry-banana
pancakes you love, honey?
56
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:55,996
Ooh, yes. Yum.
57
00:02:55,997 --> 00:02:59,962
Ugh, why did I eat
those goddamn pancakes?
58
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:04,262
They're repeating more than I Love Lucy.
59
00:03:04,263 --> 00:03:09,261
I need to go refill my Claritin.
60
00:03:09,262 --> 00:03:10,727
Hey, did you see that guy?
61
00:03:10,728 --> 00:03:13,326
Honey, my gaydar went off
the minute he walked in.
62
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:15,093
I had sex with him.
63
00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,893
- You did not.
- Did too.
64
00:03:16,894 --> 00:03:18,160
Stop it.
65
00:03:18,161 --> 00:03:19,459
Tell me every detail.
66
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,826
All right, it was six
months ago, after work.
67
00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:23,725
I stopped off to pick up some
bottled water on the way home.
68
00:03:23,726 --> 00:03:25,458
That was before I started
using the Brita filter.
69
00:03:25,459 --> 00:03:27,992
Okay, not every detail.
70
00:03:38,390 --> 00:03:42,822
- Sorry.
- No problem.
71
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:45,722
Don't want to face the
morning without water.
72
00:03:45,723 --> 00:03:47,855
Oh, yeah.
73
00:04:01,354 --> 00:04:03,819
Yeah, yeah, mm.
74
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:07,318
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
75
00:04:07,319 --> 00:04:10,918
And that's the story.
76
00:04:10,919 --> 00:04:13,917
I need to go into a
phone booth and jerk off.
77
00:04:13,918 --> 00:04:15,050
It was late.
78
00:04:15,051 --> 00:04:16,217
I probably looked good to him
79
00:04:16,218 --> 00:04:17,817
'cause he didn't have his contacts in.
80
00:04:17,818 --> 00:04:19,717
Honey, take it any way you can.
81
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:21,916
Oh, I did.
82
00:04:21,917 --> 00:04:22,917
I'm still on the Crixivan,
83
00:04:22,918 --> 00:04:24,282
that's not a problem?
84
00:04:24,283 --> 00:04:25,749
Good, you won't have any side effects.
85
00:04:25,750 --> 00:04:27,149
And then just take two of these
86
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:28,748
he must be positive.
87
00:04:28,749 --> 00:04:29,682
That's why he has such a good body.
88
00:04:29,683 --> 00:04:34,148
They put them on steroids, you know
89
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:35,348
what
90
00:04:35,349 --> 00:04:38,715
you were safe, weren't you?
91
00:04:48,679 --> 00:04:50,245
Mike we need you in the back.
92
00:04:50,246 --> 00:04:51,745
There's a fire.
93
00:04:51,746 --> 00:04:54,645
A... a fire holy shit.
94
00:05:02,677 --> 00:05:03,943
Where's the fire?
95
00:05:03,944 --> 00:05:05,709
Over here!
96
00:05:05,710 --> 00:05:07,309
Surprise!
97
00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:09,709
Happy Birthday.
98
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:11,308
You guys, how did you...
99
00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:12,243
Tracy found out.
100
00:05:12,244 --> 00:05:14,574
She knows everything about you.
101
00:05:14,575 --> 00:05:15,342
Uh, really?
102
00:05:15,343 --> 00:05:17,141
Not everything.
103
00:05:17,142 --> 00:05:20,974
Make a wish.
104
00:05:22,975 --> 00:05:24,973
You're an old man now.
105
00:05:29,707 --> 00:05:32,072
Happy Birthday, Mike.
106
00:05:33,539 --> 00:05:36,972
Happy Birthday, Mike.
107
00:05:39,938 --> 00:05:41,837
They threw a party for me at work today.
108
00:05:41,838 --> 00:05:43,170
Aww.
109
00:05:43,171 --> 00:05:44,303
That's cute.
110
00:05:44,304 --> 00:05:46,736
Right, like that's
supposed to make me happy,
111
00:05:46,737 --> 00:05:51,136
knowing that all my
best years are behind me.
112
00:05:51,936 --> 00:05:55,201
You're not planning some hideous
birthday surprise, are you?
113
00:05:55,902 --> 00:05:59,001
Why would I want to celebrate
a tragic event like that?
114
00:05:59,002 --> 00:06:00,667
Good, 'cause I want that day to pass
115
00:06:00,668 --> 00:06:02,300
without a single reminder
116
00:06:02,301 --> 00:06:07,134
that I'll never be young and cute again.
117
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:10,266
Well, maybe you should have
kept the good doctor around.
118
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:11,200
You'll always be younger than him.
119
00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:12,766
And cuter.
120
00:06:12,767 --> 00:06:14,165
I thought you couldn't stand him.
121
00:06:14,166 --> 00:06:15,765
When did I ever say that?
122
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,498
Every chance you got.
123
00:06:17,499 --> 00:06:18,998
Maybe he wasn't such
a bad guy after all.
124
00:06:18,999 --> 00:06:21,664
Well, now's a hell of a time to tell me.
125
00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:23,530
Why? You didn't break up with
him on account of me, did you?
126
00:06:23,531 --> 00:06:24,864
Course not.
127
00:06:24,865 --> 00:06:26,797
That's good.
128
00:06:26,798 --> 00:06:28,530
'Cause we can't spend the
rest of our fucking lives
129
00:06:28,531 --> 00:06:31,231
hanging out together.
130
00:06:49,794 --> 00:06:53,326
How could you do that?
How could you just lapse?
131
00:06:55,093 --> 00:06:56,825
I wasn't thinking.
132
00:06:56,826 --> 00:06:58,658
There was no time to think.
133
00:06:58,659 --> 00:07:00,158
Well, that's no excuse.
134
00:07:00,159 --> 00:07:03,724
I always have a condom,
spermicidal lubricant...
135
00:07:03,725 --> 00:07:05,891
A bottle of hydrogen peroxide
and witch hazel, great.
136
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,591
So you're the safe-sex poster boy
137
00:07:07,592 --> 00:07:08,790
and I'm the happy hooker.
138
00:07:08,791 --> 00:07:10,523
I'm just saying, you have to be careful.
139
00:07:10,524 --> 00:07:11,989
All right, already.
140
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,590
I'm serious.
141
00:07:13,591 --> 00:07:17,489
If anything ever happened to you...
142
00:07:17,490 --> 00:07:20,989
You're too important to me.
143
00:07:23,123 --> 00:07:27,121
Thanks, Em.
144
00:07:27,122 --> 00:07:30,553
Okay, let's roll up those sleeves.
145
00:07:30,554 --> 00:07:31,886
Hi.
146
00:07:35,887 --> 00:07:37,619
You're not a regular
patient here, are you?
147
00:07:37,620 --> 00:07:40,452
He's not a regular anything.
148
00:07:40,453 --> 00:07:42,785
I'm just getting tested
for moral support.
149
00:07:42,786 --> 00:07:44,651
I... I make a point of getting
tested every six months.
150
00:07:44,652 --> 00:07:47,184
I'm silly, really, 'cause
most of my sex is cyber.
151
00:07:47,185 --> 00:07:50,485
Ow! Ow!
152
00:07:52,984 --> 00:07:55,416
What's your insurance situation?
153
00:07:55,417 --> 00:07:58,116
Um, I'll pay by check.
154
00:07:58,117 --> 00:08:01,015
Address, phone number, right on top.
155
00:08:01,016 --> 00:08:03,982
- Can we just do this?
- He's nervous.
156
00:08:13,547 --> 00:08:15,080
I'm sure you'll be fine.
157
00:08:15,081 --> 00:08:16,013
That's what I told him.
158
00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:25,478
Okay. We're all done.
159
00:08:25,479 --> 00:08:26,479
And now...
160
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,645
We wait.
161
00:08:33,644 --> 00:08:35,110
- Sunshine.
- Hmm?
162
00:08:35,111 --> 00:08:37,443
Here, take these on up to your room.
163
00:08:37,444 --> 00:08:40,476
- Okey-doke.
- My room.
164
00:08:40,477 --> 00:08:42,109
Come on, sweetie.
165
00:08:42,110 --> 00:08:43,609
Back off, huh?
166
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:45,342
You're about to be 30 years old.
167
00:08:45,343 --> 00:08:46,742
So old.
168
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:51,607
Don't remind me.
169
00:08:51,608 --> 00:08:54,407
- What are those?
- His meds.
170
00:08:54,408 --> 00:08:56,040
I thought you just got some.
171
00:08:56,041 --> 00:08:57,706
Those little bottles don't go far
172
00:08:57,707 --> 00:09:00,339
when you're popping 50 pills a day.
173
00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:03,473
You're on your last refill.
174
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:04,905
I'll call the doctor.
175
00:09:04,906 --> 00:09:06,472
Speaking of doctors...
176
00:09:06,473 --> 00:09:08,372
That's a subtle segue.
177
00:09:08,373 --> 00:09:09,771
Look, I don't want to discuss this.
178
00:09:09,772 --> 00:09:11,004
It doesn't concern you.
179
00:09:11,005 --> 00:09:12,038
Oh, no?
180
00:09:12,039 --> 00:09:13,671
I just lost a potential son-in-law.
181
00:09:13,672 --> 00:09:16,903
All you lost was free
treatment for osteoporosis.
182
00:09:16,904 --> 00:09:18,970
Michael Charles Novotny.
183
00:09:18,971 --> 00:09:20,902
Uh-oh, middle name, look out.
184
00:09:20,903 --> 00:09:23,736
You listen to me, and
you listen carefully.
185
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,802
Do not fuck this up.
186
00:09:25,803 --> 00:09:27,835
Now, I want you to call David right now
187
00:09:27,836 --> 00:09:30,868
and apologize to him for
whatever it is you did.
188
00:09:30,869 --> 00:09:32,601
What makes you think I did anything?
189
00:09:32,602 --> 00:09:33,701
I'm your mother.
190
00:09:33,702 --> 00:09:37,333
Mom, David and I had nothing in common
191
00:09:37,334 --> 00:09:39,667
except Pantene shampoo
and conditioner in one,
192
00:09:39,668 --> 00:09:42,400
and I had to give up my entire life.
193
00:09:42,401 --> 00:09:43,466
I couldn't see my friends.
194
00:09:43,467 --> 00:09:45,299
I couldn't go to clubs.
195
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:46,566
Good.
196
00:09:46,567 --> 00:09:48,265
Get out before they kick you out,
197
00:09:48,266 --> 00:09:49,665
before you turn invisible.
198
00:09:49,666 --> 00:09:51,331
See? Listen to your uncle.
199
00:09:51,332 --> 00:09:54,597
Huh, you want to be like him?
200
00:09:54,598 --> 00:09:56,630
You know what I mean.
201
00:09:56,631 --> 00:09:59,497
In a few days, you're not
going to be a kid anymore,
202
00:09:59,498 --> 00:10:00,564
hanging out with Brian.
203
00:10:00,565 --> 00:10:04,296
- Why is it always Brian?
- You tell me.
204
00:10:04,297 --> 00:10:06,829
I mean, David really cared for you.
205
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,862
You could see it in his eyes.
206
00:10:08,863 --> 00:10:10,729
Huh, Vic, couldn't you?
207
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:12,961
I don't know, I was too
busy looking at his chest.
208
00:10:12,962 --> 00:10:14,728
There'll be someone else.
209
00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:17,561
There'll always be someone else.
210
00:10:17,562 --> 00:10:22,260
But there won't be someone
like David every day.
211
00:10:38,525 --> 00:10:42,691
Hello? Hello?
212
00:10:43,924 --> 00:10:45,423
Michael?
213
00:10:45,424 --> 00:10:46,789
I have caller I.D.
214
00:10:46,790 --> 00:10:50,789
I... I must have
pushed the wrong button.
215
00:11:00,321 --> 00:11:03,354
You've ruined my kid's life.
216
00:11:03,355 --> 00:11:04,554
What, no hello kiss?
217
00:11:04,555 --> 00:11:06,386
I mean it.
218
00:11:06,387 --> 00:11:10,219
You got something fizzy?
219
00:11:10,220 --> 00:11:13,452
I remember the first
time I heard your name.
220
00:11:13,453 --> 00:11:15,918
Michael says, "there's
this new boy in school,
221
00:11:15,919 --> 00:11:17,818
Brian Kinney."
222
00:11:17,819 --> 00:11:19,684
For weeks, that's all
he could talk about.
223
00:11:19,685 --> 00:11:22,718
Brian Kinney this and Brian Kinney that.
224
00:11:22,719 --> 00:11:26,416
Next thing, you're cutting classes.
225
00:11:26,417 --> 00:11:27,683
And then I come home from work one day,
226
00:11:27,684 --> 00:11:31,682
and I find the two of you, 14 and drunk.
227
00:11:31,683 --> 00:11:34,415
It was then I knew you were trouble,
228
00:11:34,416 --> 00:11:38,182
and you haven't disappointed
me a day since then.
229
00:11:38,183 --> 00:11:39,183
Well, at least you can't accuse me
230
00:11:39,184 --> 00:11:41,548
of being inconsistent.
231
00:11:41,549 --> 00:11:43,247
Consistent heartbreak.
232
00:11:43,248 --> 00:11:44,248
Come on, Deb,
233
00:11:44,249 --> 00:11:45,613
you know I've looked after Mikey.
234
00:11:45,614 --> 00:11:48,480
I never said that you
weren't there for him.
235
00:11:48,481 --> 00:11:50,413
You've been there too much.
236
00:11:50,414 --> 00:11:53,245
Always giving him just
those extra little tidbits
237
00:11:53,246 --> 00:11:55,245
of your affection, huh?
238
00:11:55,246 --> 00:11:58,278
To make him believe that
maybe someday you'd be his.
239
00:11:58,279 --> 00:11:59,678
Well, who knows?
240
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:03,144
Maybe we'll end up a couple
of old queens in Palm Springs.
241
00:12:03,145 --> 00:12:06,544
Only what's he supposed
to do until then?
242
00:12:06,545 --> 00:12:08,676
He had a chance with David,
243
00:12:08,677 --> 00:12:10,576
but you had to fuck it up.
244
00:12:10,577 --> 00:12:12,509
He wasn't having any fun.
245
00:12:12,510 --> 00:12:14,076
He's had enough fun.
246
00:12:14,077 --> 00:12:16,242
You've all had enough fun.
247
00:12:16,243 --> 00:12:18,475
It's time for him to be a man.
248
00:12:18,476 --> 00:12:20,342
And what do you want
me to do about that?
249
00:12:20,343 --> 00:12:24,341
Well, I don't know. Something.
250
00:12:24,342 --> 00:12:27,140
You owe my kid something.
251
00:12:27,141 --> 00:12:30,406
Okay, you win.
252
00:12:30,407 --> 00:12:33,806
I'll do something.
253
00:12:33,807 --> 00:12:38,472
It's Mikey's 30th birthday.
254
00:12:38,473 --> 00:12:42,505
He should have a party he never forgets.
255
00:12:52,137 --> 00:12:53,370
Would you look at this
256
00:12:53,371 --> 00:12:55,602
it lifts and separates.
257
00:12:55,603 --> 00:12:57,502
Sounds like the "I can't
believe it's a bra."
258
00:12:57,503 --> 00:12:59,602
Hmm, same principle.
259
00:12:59,603 --> 00:13:01,635
It's the "I can't
believe it's a harness".
260
00:13:01,636 --> 00:13:03,368
Yeah, somehow, I can't see Michael
261
00:13:03,369 --> 00:13:05,468
trussed up like a turkey.
262
00:13:05,469 --> 00:13:07,335
So then what are we doing here?
263
00:13:07,336 --> 00:13:10,067
He's one of my best friends.
264
00:13:10,068 --> 00:13:11,733
I can't let his 30th birthday go by
265
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:14,100
without getting him
something cheap and demeaning.
266
00:13:14,101 --> 00:13:15,633
How about some ben wa balls?
267
00:13:15,634 --> 00:13:19,766
Well, he is a bit of a tight-ass.
268
00:13:21,233 --> 00:13:24,332
I wonder what Brian'll get him.
269
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:26,332
If he's lucky, a farewell fuck,
270
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:27,597
once and for all.
271
00:13:27,598 --> 00:13:29,097
Nice.
272
00:13:29,098 --> 00:13:30,397
Well, it is something he wants
273
00:13:30,398 --> 00:13:34,030
and wouldn't get for himself.
274
00:13:38,264 --> 00:13:41,029
What do you think of this?
275
00:13:41,030 --> 00:13:42,095
I think he already has one.
276
00:13:42,096 --> 00:13:43,429
No, I mean for Lindsay and me.
277
00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:45,195
Oh, sorry, not my area.
278
00:13:45,196 --> 00:13:46,995
It hasn't been mine either, lately.
279
00:13:46,996 --> 00:13:48,361
Well, give it time.
280
00:13:48,362 --> 00:13:49,528
You know, after a woman gives birth,
281
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,760
it takes several months
before she feels sexual again.
282
00:13:51,761 --> 00:13:53,560
Oh, God, I wish you'd
stop reading Redbook.
283
00:13:53,561 --> 00:13:56,993
Hmm, McCall's. I like
the sex tips better.
284
00:13:56,994 --> 00:13:58,959
Did you know there's
ten ways to please a man
285
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:00,359
without opening your mouth.
286
00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:02,358
Hmm, go figure.
287
00:14:05,359 --> 00:14:06,491
It's not just the sex.
288
00:14:06,492 --> 00:14:08,058
I feel like she's shutting me out.
289
00:14:08,059 --> 00:14:10,624
I just... I don't know how
much longer I can take it.
290
00:14:10,625 --> 00:14:12,124
Look, I don't want to hear this.
291
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:13,092
Why can't I share?
292
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:14,324
Because the minute you start
293
00:14:14,325 --> 00:14:16,090
telling your friends your
relationship problems,
294
00:14:16,091 --> 00:14:17,390
it's the beginning of the end.
295
00:14:17,391 --> 00:14:18,623
Find a shrink.
296
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:20,690
Oy, I've been in therapy for six years.
297
00:14:20,691 --> 00:14:22,089
Are you covered by insurance?
298
00:14:22,090 --> 00:14:23,156
- Yup.
- Great.
299
00:14:23,157 --> 00:14:24,722
Then have a breakdown.
You can afford it.
300
00:14:24,723 --> 00:14:25,989
Jesus, what is with you?
301
00:14:25,990 --> 00:14:27,555
You are so negative.
302
00:14:27,556 --> 00:14:29,322
From your lips to God's ears.
303
00:14:33,322 --> 00:14:36,020
It's me.
304
00:14:36,021 --> 00:14:37,420
Hello?
305
00:14:37,421 --> 00:14:39,952
Hey, Ted, it's Steve,
from Dr. Roth's office.
306
00:14:39,953 --> 00:14:42,086
Um, your results are in.
307
00:14:42,087 --> 00:14:45,152
Well, that... that was fast.
308
00:14:45,153 --> 00:14:49,685
Uh, so do you, uh, do
you want me to come in?
309
00:14:49,686 --> 00:14:53,451
Nope, no need to. Everything's fine.
310
00:14:53,452 --> 00:14:56,118
Thanks.
311
00:15:00,917 --> 00:15:04,084
I'm negative.
312
00:15:10,150 --> 00:15:11,515
I'm negative.
313
00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:13,014
Well, that's okay.
314
00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:16,015
Happy people can be really annoying.
315
00:15:22,181 --> 00:15:24,513
Okay, we've got to prepare
our stories for Michael.
316
00:15:24,514 --> 00:15:27,146
I don't trust you to think on the spot.
317
00:15:27,147 --> 00:15:29,945
You always assume the
worst. You're so negative.
318
00:15:29,946 --> 00:15:31,545
Hmm, funny.
319
00:15:31,546 --> 00:15:36,111
That's what the doctor said.
320
00:15:36,112 --> 00:15:37,544
You heard?
321
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:41,010
Oh, Ted, oh, my God. That's fabulous.
322
00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:42,144
Now, I hope you've learned your lesson.
323
00:15:42,145 --> 00:15:43,443
Yes, Mother.
324
00:15:43,444 --> 00:15:48,243
Oh, my God, let me show
you what I got Michael.
325
00:15:48,244 --> 00:15:51,509
One vintage easy-cake oven.
326
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:52,908
Why'd you get him that?
327
00:15:52,909 --> 00:15:55,274
Every gay boy wanted an easy-cake oven.
328
00:15:55,275 --> 00:15:57,007
Uh-huh.
329
00:15:57,008 --> 00:15:58,008
Didn't you?
330
00:15:58,009 --> 00:15:59,341
Uh-uh.
331
00:15:59,342 --> 00:16:00,840
So, did they call you?
332
00:16:00,841 --> 00:16:03,308
Oh, I haven't checked my messages yet.
333
00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:15,306
Steve, cutie from Dr. Roth's office.
334
00:16:17,172 --> 00:16:19,004
He wants me to...
335
00:16:19,005 --> 00:16:21,704
What?
336
00:16:24,305 --> 00:16:25,536
What?
337
00:16:25,537 --> 00:16:29,236
He wants me to come
in as soon as possible.
338
00:16:29,237 --> 00:16:31,336
Well, I'm sure it can't
mean what you think it means,
339
00:16:31,337 --> 00:16:33,535
because you said yourself,
you never do anything.
340
00:16:33,536 --> 00:16:35,302
All you have to do is one thing.
341
00:16:35,303 --> 00:16:36,801
I'm sure you're fine, Emmett.
342
00:16:36,802 --> 00:16:38,368
Then why didn't he say that?
343
00:16:38,369 --> 00:16:41,467
It's probably... it's
procedure with new patients.
344
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,401
Bullshit, everybody knows
when they tell you to come in,
345
00:16:43,402 --> 00:16:46,400
it means something's wrong.
346
00:16:46,401 --> 00:16:48,066
Fuck.
347
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:49,266
The office is closed for the weekend.
348
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:51,300
I have to wait... I
have to wait till Monday.
349
00:16:51,301 --> 00:16:52,365
I have to wait till fucking Monday?
350
00:16:52,366 --> 00:16:53,832
The whole fucking weekend?
351
00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:56,098
Okay, so we just...
we'll remain calm, and...
352
00:16:56,099 --> 00:16:59,398
Oh my God. Why is this happening to me?
353
00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:03,032
Or this is good, too.
354
00:17:10,298 --> 00:17:12,296
Hey, Doc.
355
00:17:12,297 --> 00:17:14,062
You got all sweaty without me.
356
00:17:14,063 --> 00:17:15,429
Well, I went for a jog.
357
00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:16,728
Yeah, I know how hard it is
358
00:17:16,729 --> 00:17:18,295
to stay in shape after a certain age.
359
00:17:18,296 --> 00:17:20,128
Look, I know you wouldn't
come all the way out here
360
00:17:20,129 --> 00:17:21,761
just to insult me,
361
00:17:21,762 --> 00:17:23,927
and we're not battling over
Michael's attention any more.
362
00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:27,227
You won. So why are you here?
363
00:17:27,228 --> 00:17:30,160
You forgot to RSVP.
364
00:17:30,161 --> 00:17:32,860
You know, the surprise party.
I called and left a message.
365
00:17:32,861 --> 00:17:34,859
Oh, yeah, well, I
thought that was a joke.
366
00:17:34,860 --> 00:17:36,759
Why would it be a joke?
367
00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:38,892
Look, I don't think Michael
would feel too comfortable
368
00:17:38,893 --> 00:17:40,458
with me being there, and, quite frankly,
369
00:17:40,459 --> 00:17:43,091
I don't think I'd feel too
comfortable being there myself.
370
00:17:43,092 --> 00:17:46,124
Doc, you're always welcome at my place.
371
00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,690
Thanks, but no thanks.
372
00:17:47,691 --> 00:17:48,990
Come on.
373
00:17:48,991 --> 00:17:50,757
You're not going to give
up that easy, are you?
374
00:17:50,758 --> 00:17:53,856
Hey, I didn't give up.
That was his decision.
375
00:17:53,857 --> 00:17:56,956
Well, Mikey doesn't always
know what's best for him.
376
00:17:56,957 --> 00:17:59,188
No shit.
377
00:17:59,189 --> 00:18:02,889
Sometimes he needs a little push.
378
00:18:04,255 --> 00:18:07,855
So you'll come by around, uh, 9:00.
379
00:18:12,187 --> 00:18:14,452
I've never been to Paris.
380
00:18:14,453 --> 00:18:16,419
I always wanted to see Paris.
381
00:18:16,420 --> 00:18:18,952
You'll still get there.
382
00:18:18,953 --> 00:18:20,352
Even if you're positive, it doesn't mean
383
00:18:20,353 --> 00:18:21,852
you're going to drop dead tomorrow.
384
00:18:21,853 --> 00:18:24,385
Oh, my God, you said it.
385
00:18:24,386 --> 00:18:26,051
You said it, "you're...
you're positive".
386
00:18:26,052 --> 00:18:30,050
I said, "even if... " to
imply the lack of plausibility.
387
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,284
I think it must have
been that guy in P-town.
388
00:18:33,285 --> 00:18:35,716
He kept biting my lip.
389
00:18:35,717 --> 00:18:37,383
Or maybe that guy in the dressing room
390
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,116
who kept sticking his
fingers in my mouth.
391
00:18:40,117 --> 00:18:41,117
Or some guy at the gym.
392
00:18:41,118 --> 00:18:42,815
I thought you never did anything.
393
00:18:42,816 --> 00:18:45,748
I know guys who fuck
a hundred times a week.
394
00:18:45,749 --> 00:18:48,748
Five or six times isn't anything.
395
00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:52,047
Emmett, you cannot be infected.
396
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,147
No one in the world is more
HIV-phobic than you are.
397
00:18:54,148 --> 00:18:56,713
You practically boil the sheets.
398
00:18:56,714 --> 00:18:59,912
Well, that still doesn't
explain why they want to see me,
399
00:18:59,913 --> 00:19:00,978
now does it?
400
00:19:03,979 --> 00:19:07,979
God, how the fuck am I going
to get through this weekend?
401
00:19:16,177 --> 00:19:18,909
Oh, Ted.
402
00:19:18,910 --> 00:19:21,843
I am so scared.
403
00:19:24,843 --> 00:19:27,742
Come on.
404
00:19:27,743 --> 00:19:30,675
Okay.
405
00:19:33,742 --> 00:19:36,940
Look, maybe you should
skip Michael's party.
406
00:19:36,941 --> 00:19:38,673
No. No.
407
00:19:38,674 --> 00:19:41,972
I don't want to spoil his day.
408
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:43,106
Are you sure?
409
00:19:43,107 --> 00:19:44,306
Yeah, yeah.
410
00:19:44,307 --> 00:19:46,305
It'll take my mind off things.
411
00:19:46,306 --> 00:19:49,105
We just can't tell him.
412
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:50,704
Okay.
413
00:19:50,705 --> 00:19:51,938
Right, remember.
414
00:19:51,939 --> 00:19:56,104
Story is we're picking
up Brian to go for dinner
415
00:19:56,105 --> 00:19:57,237
and to Babylon.
416
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,103
Right. One last dance of death.
417
00:19:59,104 --> 00:20:02,869
Emmett.
418
00:20:02,870 --> 00:20:05,535
- Hey, hey.
- Hey, hey, birthday boy.
419
00:20:05,536 --> 00:20:06,270
Fuck you, I'm going to bed.
420
00:20:06,271 --> 00:20:07,868
You can't.
421
00:20:07,869 --> 00:20:10,035
You know, we're... we're
going to pick up Brian
422
00:20:10,036 --> 00:20:11,468
to go do dinner and Babylon.
423
00:20:11,469 --> 00:20:13,167
I don't want to see anybody.
424
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:15,533
Now, now, Mr. Grumpypuss.
We're going to go out.
425
00:20:15,534 --> 00:20:16,600
Don't you want to go out?
426
00:20:16,601 --> 00:20:17,767
No, I don't want to go out.
427
00:20:17,768 --> 00:20:20,100
Hey, this is a very special occasion.
428
00:20:20,101 --> 00:20:22,100
You know, once in a lifetime
thing, a night of nights.
429
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:23,666
Yeah, well I plan on sleeping through
430
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,132
every miserable minute of it.
431
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,698
You guys can tell me
all about it tomorrow.
432
00:20:27,699 --> 00:20:29,865
We need to celebrate.
433
00:20:29,866 --> 00:20:31,698
Celebrate what that I'm
turning into a geezer?
434
00:20:31,699 --> 00:20:33,098
That my life is over.
435
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:36,131
Think of all you have
to look forward to.
436
00:20:36,132 --> 00:20:39,763
Flatulence, incontinence,
uh, chronic constipation,
437
00:20:39,764 --> 00:20:41,496
a closet full of depends...
438
00:20:41,497 --> 00:20:43,130
Oh, for Christ's sake!
439
00:20:43,131 --> 00:20:44,563
Would you shut up already
440
00:20:44,564 --> 00:20:47,796
and come to your goddamn surprise party!
441
00:20:57,028 --> 00:20:59,960
Surprise.
442
00:20:59,961 --> 00:21:02,893
Hi, we're here. We're
ready to go to Babylon.
443
00:21:03,594 --> 00:21:06,192
Assholes.
444
00:21:06,893 --> 00:21:09,527
You told him.
445
00:21:14,093 --> 00:21:17,124
Surprise!
446
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:18,191
Oh, my God!
447
00:21:20,791 --> 00:21:23,889
Happy Birthday, Mikey!
448
00:21:23,890 --> 00:21:25,723
Who are all these people?
449
00:21:25,724 --> 00:21:27,689
Well, if I invited just your friends,
450
00:21:27,690 --> 00:21:29,789
there would be, like, six people here.
451
00:21:29,790 --> 00:21:32,922
I had to open it up to sex partners.
452
00:21:32,923 --> 00:21:34,588
I haven't slept with
any of these people.
453
00:21:34,589 --> 00:21:36,088
- My sex partners.
- Oh.
454
00:21:36,089 --> 00:21:38,422
Happy Birthday, Mikey.
455
00:21:41,122 --> 00:21:45,519
Happy Birthday, Michael.
456
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:47,753
Happy Birthday, sweetheart.
457
00:21:47,754 --> 00:21:49,753
Happy Birthday, Michael.
458
00:21:49,754 --> 00:21:51,186
Thanks, Uncle Vic.
459
00:21:51,187 --> 00:21:54,885
Exactly 30 years ago,
my legs were in stirrups
460
00:21:54,886 --> 00:21:56,051
and my face looked like this.
461
00:22:01,585 --> 00:22:04,017
Wow, this really is a surprise party.
462
00:22:04,018 --> 00:22:06,117
Hi.
463
00:22:06,118 --> 00:22:08,416
Here.
464
00:22:08,417 --> 00:22:09,417
30, huh?
465
00:22:09,418 --> 00:22:10,582
Yeah.
466
00:22:10,583 --> 00:22:11,849
Well, I hope I look as good as you do
467
00:22:11,850 --> 00:22:14,115
when I'm your age. Give me your jacket.
468
00:22:14,116 --> 00:22:17,482
Happy Birthday.
469
00:22:20,716 --> 00:22:22,780
Come on, Mikey. You've got presents.
470
00:22:22,781 --> 00:22:26,680
Excuse us.
471
00:22:26,681 --> 00:22:28,779
Margarita, no salt.
472
00:22:28,780 --> 00:22:31,646
Right up.
473
00:22:31,647 --> 00:22:33,979
Hey, how do you know how to mix drinks?
474
00:22:33,980 --> 00:22:38,378
I'm from the gentile country club set.
475
00:22:38,379 --> 00:22:40,545
Okay, everybody, it's time.
476
00:22:40,546 --> 00:22:44,612
Mikey's going to open his presents.
477
00:22:49,777 --> 00:22:52,910
Um...
478
00:22:52,911 --> 00:22:54,875
Oh, my God.
479
00:22:54,876 --> 00:22:56,942
An easy-cake oven.
480
00:22:56,943 --> 00:22:58,909
I always wanted one of those.
481
00:22:58,910 --> 00:23:00,475
Aww.
482
00:23:00,476 --> 00:23:03,641
Thanks, Em, I love it.
483
00:23:03,642 --> 00:23:06,873
- Aww.
- Happy Birthday.
484
00:23:06,874 --> 00:23:09,373
Uh...
485
00:23:09,374 --> 00:23:10,506
Oh, that's mine.
486
00:23:11,508 --> 00:23:14,607
Open it. Open it.
487
00:23:19,906 --> 00:23:23,005
You put your dick where the trunk goes.
488
00:23:27,871 --> 00:23:28,937
It's funny.
489
00:23:28,938 --> 00:23:30,737
It is. It's funny.
490
00:23:30,738 --> 00:23:32,470
Moving on.
491
00:23:32,471 --> 00:23:35,402
- Okay, honey.
- Whatever.
492
00:23:35,403 --> 00:23:38,302
Uh, who's this one from?
493
00:23:38,303 --> 00:23:39,736
Oh, that's... that's from me.
494
00:23:49,069 --> 00:23:51,000
Wow.
495
00:23:51,001 --> 00:23:53,466
This is... this is really...
496
00:23:53,467 --> 00:23:55,000
Expensive.
497
00:23:55,001 --> 00:23:57,266
Uh, well, I had it inscribed before,
498
00:23:57,267 --> 00:23:59,499
but don't pay attention to the words.
499
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:03,366
Just, uh, focus on the
waterproof features.
500
00:24:06,699 --> 00:24:08,297
Thank you, David.
501
00:24:08,298 --> 00:24:09,364
Sure.
502
00:24:09,365 --> 00:24:11,264
Hey, Mikey.
503
00:24:11,265 --> 00:24:14,897
There's someone here to see you.
504
00:24:17,730 --> 00:24:18,963
Hello, Michael.
505
00:24:18,964 --> 00:24:20,362
I heard it was your birthday,
506
00:24:20,363 --> 00:24:21,462
so I thought I'd fly by
507
00:24:21,463 --> 00:24:23,629
and bring you something special.
508
00:24:23,630 --> 00:24:27,728
Oh, my God, Captain Astro.
509
00:24:27,729 --> 00:24:29,794
Astro comics number one?
510
00:24:29,795 --> 00:24:33,694
This is the first appearance
of Captain Astro in print.
511
00:24:33,695 --> 00:24:35,427
Do you know how much this is worth?
512
00:24:35,428 --> 00:24:38,393
Anything for my best friend.
513
00:24:38,394 --> 00:24:40,759
I can't believe it.
514
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:44,526
I never thought I'd find this.
515
00:24:46,226 --> 00:24:48,592
So, Cap, don't fly away.
516
00:24:48,593 --> 00:24:52,258
Stay and boogie with the birthday boy.
517
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:57,456
Enjoy, Mikey.
518
00:25:12,622 --> 00:25:15,187
It's a beautiful watch, David.
519
00:25:15,188 --> 00:25:17,553
And a beautiful thought.
520
00:25:17,554 --> 00:25:19,754
Thanks.
521
00:26:04,847 --> 00:26:06,580
Hey, nice going on the gift.
522
00:26:06,581 --> 00:26:10,812
It couldn't have been more perfect.
523
00:26:10,813 --> 00:26:12,312
Thanks.
524
00:26:12,313 --> 00:26:16,311
Yeah, David's present
didn't stand a chance.
525
00:26:16,312 --> 00:26:19,144
And then again, neither did he.
526
00:26:19,145 --> 00:26:20,743
Fuck off.
527
00:26:20,744 --> 00:26:23,710
You just can't help yourself, can you?
528
00:26:23,711 --> 00:26:28,142
You have to make sure Michael
regresses permanently to the age of 12.
529
00:26:28,843 --> 00:26:31,642
He's 30, for Christ's sake, Brian.
530
00:26:31,643 --> 00:26:35,208
Don't you think it's
time you let him go?
531
00:26:35,209 --> 00:26:37,174
Well, I'll tell you what.
532
00:26:37,175 --> 00:26:38,374
I will if you will.
533
00:26:38,375 --> 00:26:39,707
What?
534
00:26:39,708 --> 00:26:43,140
Tell him you've been in love with him...
535
00:26:43,141 --> 00:26:44,674
for years.
536
00:26:44,675 --> 00:26:46,173
What are you talking about?
537
00:26:46,174 --> 00:26:49,774
Don't act so innocent.
You know what I mean.
538
00:26:52,073 --> 00:26:55,572
The boys saw your pictures.
539
00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:58,537
They saw your little shrine to Mikey,
540
00:26:58,538 --> 00:27:01,572
when you were in your coma.
541
00:27:03,737 --> 00:27:07,570
Of course, I always knew.
542
00:27:07,571 --> 00:27:11,835
So, as I said,
543
00:27:11,836 --> 00:27:16,168
you let him go, and so will I.
544
00:27:16,169 --> 00:27:19,169
Ladies first.
545
00:27:21,268 --> 00:27:23,733
Is this candy or drugs?
546
00:27:23,734 --> 00:27:25,067
Candy.
547
00:27:25,068 --> 00:27:27,099
I think.
548
00:27:27,100 --> 00:27:31,065
You'd think with all the
pills I take that I'd know.
549
00:27:32,266 --> 00:27:35,032
So how are you feeling?
550
00:27:35,033 --> 00:27:39,198
Fit as a fiddle and ready for love.
551
00:27:39,199 --> 00:27:42,566
Why do you ask?
552
00:27:57,130 --> 00:28:01,662
Listen, why are you so
interested in me all of a sudden?
553
00:28:01,663 --> 00:28:04,161
Oh, I was just wondering.
554
00:28:04,162 --> 00:28:05,194
Bullshit.
555
00:28:05,195 --> 00:28:07,160
You boys never talk to anyone over 40
556
00:28:07,161 --> 00:28:11,993
unless you have to.
557
00:28:11,994 --> 00:28:16,659
I think I have it.
558
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:19,659
"It" doesn't mean what
it used to, you know.
559
00:28:19,660 --> 00:28:21,192
That's what they say.
560
00:28:21,193 --> 00:28:22,258
People still...
561
00:28:22,259 --> 00:28:25,057
Die. All the time.
562
00:28:25,058 --> 00:28:28,357
But they die from other things, too.
563
00:28:28,358 --> 00:28:31,156
You can't think about that.
564
00:28:31,157 --> 00:28:33,256
I just can't believe
this is happening to me.
565
00:28:33,257 --> 00:28:35,323
I... I mean, I'm not promiscuous.
566
00:28:35,324 --> 00:28:37,155
Well, let me tell you about promiscuous.
567
00:28:37,156 --> 00:28:41,454
Promiscuous is anyone
having more sex than you.
568
00:28:41,455 --> 00:28:44,987
I thought I was being safe, careful.
569
00:28:44,988 --> 00:28:47,654
Sex isn't careful.
570
00:28:47,655 --> 00:28:51,420
And if it is, you're doing it wrong.
571
00:28:51,421 --> 00:28:52,687
It's messy.
572
00:28:52,688 --> 00:28:55,086
And it's human.
573
00:28:55,087 --> 00:28:57,619
And it's mixed up with other things.
574
00:28:57,620 --> 00:29:02,552
It's a genie who won't
stay in the bottle.
575
00:29:02,553 --> 00:29:04,451
Listen, Emmett,
576
00:29:04,452 --> 00:29:07,218
if you think you made a mistake,
577
00:29:07,219 --> 00:29:10,284
move on.
578
00:29:10,285 --> 00:29:12,251
And accept it like a man.
579
00:29:42,146 --> 00:29:43,912
Hey.
580
00:29:43,913 --> 00:29:44,946
Hi.
581
00:30:06,242 --> 00:30:10,541
30 years ago, I was you.
582
00:30:10,542 --> 00:30:13,507
And 30 years from now, you'll be me.
583
00:30:13,508 --> 00:30:15,474
30 years.
584
00:30:15,475 --> 00:30:17,873
It seems impossible to believe.
585
00:30:17,874 --> 00:30:18,973
He's a man,
586
00:30:18,974 --> 00:30:22,206
but he still feels as
tiny and precious to me
587
00:30:22,207 --> 00:30:25,106
as Gus does to you.
588
00:30:25,107 --> 00:30:27,438
I can't even imagine.
589
00:30:27,439 --> 00:30:30,105
Goes by like a dream.
590
00:30:30,106 --> 00:30:33,437
So, I guess everybody
breastfeeds nowadays, huh?
591
00:30:33,438 --> 00:30:37,204
Yeah, it creates a real bond.
592
00:30:38,804 --> 00:30:41,903
I never did that with Michael,
593
00:30:41,904 --> 00:30:43,502
but I'd say we're pretty fucking tight.
594
00:30:43,503 --> 00:30:46,469
Yeah.
595
00:30:46,470 --> 00:30:47,968
Sorry, honey.
596
00:30:47,969 --> 00:30:49,468
You feeling left out?
597
00:30:49,469 --> 00:30:51,334
Me, feel left out?
598
00:30:51,335 --> 00:30:54,201
Not with what it's costing me a month.
599
00:30:54,202 --> 00:30:57,333
You know, they say sometimes the
non-birth mother lactates as well.
600
00:30:59,401 --> 00:31:02,400
If I did, it'd be margaritas.
601
00:31:02,401 --> 00:31:05,065
Put some salt around my
nipple and take a sip.
602
00:31:05,066 --> 00:31:06,566
- Mel.
- Come on, hey.
603
00:31:06,567 --> 00:31:08,166
Please, Mel.
604
00:31:08,167 --> 00:31:09,832
Oh, I'm sorry.
605
00:31:09,833 --> 00:31:12,031
I'm being inappropriate.
606
00:31:12,032 --> 00:31:13,931
Lindsay's never inappropriate.
607
00:31:13,932 --> 00:31:15,464
Don't mind me, honey.
608
00:31:15,465 --> 00:31:18,531
I wouldn't know from appropriate.
609
00:31:18,532 --> 00:31:20,531
Can I get anyone another drinkie?
610
00:31:20,532 --> 00:31:21,531
Drinkie?
611
00:31:21,532 --> 00:31:22,830
No, thanks,
612
00:31:22,831 --> 00:31:23,897
and I don't think you
should have one either.
613
00:31:23,898 --> 00:31:25,363
Hey, I'm not breastfeeding.
614
00:31:25,364 --> 00:31:28,963
Ain't my problem.
615
00:31:34,062 --> 00:31:37,028
Hey, Em.
616
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,759
Oh, yeah.
617
00:32:32,753 --> 00:32:37,751
Please, God. Please, let me be negative.
618
00:32:37,752 --> 00:32:44,260
If you do, I promise,
promise, promise...
619
00:32:44,264 --> 00:32:45,093
Is someone in there?
620
00:32:59,983 --> 00:33:02,982
Hello?
621
00:33:05,681 --> 00:33:08,147
Come on up.
622
00:33:08,148 --> 00:33:11,281
And get your cock out.
623
00:33:29,044 --> 00:33:31,144
Hey, Teddy.
624
00:33:31,145 --> 00:33:33,176
Thanks again for the elephant underwear.
625
00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:34,642
They're really funny.
626
00:33:34,643 --> 00:33:35,909
Yeah, right.
627
00:33:35,910 --> 00:33:38,809
No, really.
628
00:33:38,810 --> 00:33:41,741
I bet you weren't expecting
to see David here, huh?
629
00:33:41,742 --> 00:33:44,608
Yeah, talk about surprises.
630
00:33:44,609 --> 00:33:48,941
So, uh, do you think you
two might, uh, you know?
631
00:33:49,641 --> 00:33:54,206
I don't... I don't think so.
632
00:33:54,207 --> 00:33:57,106
That's too bad.
633
00:33:57,107 --> 00:33:58,839
Say, listen,
634
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,905
I know there's this part of us
635
00:34:01,906 --> 00:34:05,271
that thinks we don't
deserve to be loved.
636
00:34:05,272 --> 00:34:06,704
What are you talking about?
637
00:34:06,705 --> 00:34:08,804
L... let me finish.
638
00:34:08,805 --> 00:34:12,337
So we fall in love with someone
639
00:34:12,338 --> 00:34:14,803
we know we can't have
640
00:34:14,804 --> 00:34:18,835
and who's never going to love us.
641
00:34:18,836 --> 00:34:23,136
And we fantasize...
642
00:34:24,835 --> 00:34:25,868
About the day
643
00:34:25,869 --> 00:34:29,101
when, all of a sudden, he realizes,
644
00:34:29,102 --> 00:34:32,200
and sees everything he's been missing,
645
00:34:32,201 --> 00:34:35,067
you know, and... and
all our dreams come true,
646
00:34:35,068 --> 00:34:38,566
only, uh, you know, that day never comes
647
00:34:38,567 --> 00:34:40,099
and before you know it,
648
00:34:40,100 --> 00:34:43,265
it's your 40th birthday,
it's your 50th birthday,
649
00:34:43,266 --> 00:34:47,899
and... and you're still alone.
650
00:34:51,631 --> 00:34:56,630
Don't let that happen to you, Michael.
651
00:34:56,631 --> 00:35:00,097
Love someone for real.
652
00:35:02,630 --> 00:35:05,596
Someone who loves you.
653
00:35:13,062 --> 00:35:17,960
Oh, my God.
654
00:35:17,961 --> 00:35:19,960
Tracy, what are you doing here?
655
00:35:19,961 --> 00:35:22,892
Happy Birthday, Mike.
656
00:35:22,893 --> 00:35:25,192
Thanks. Uh, it's really wild.
657
00:35:25,193 --> 00:35:27,125
I... they're all a little drunk.
658
00:35:27,126 --> 00:35:29,991
I don't real... I only know six of them.
659
00:35:29,992 --> 00:35:31,258
Your friend Brian called.
660
00:35:31,259 --> 00:35:34,224
- He asked me to come.
- What?
661
00:35:34,225 --> 00:35:36,823
Look, uh, are you hungry?
662
00:35:36,824 --> 00:35:38,490
'Cause there's this, um,
burger place right near here
663
00:35:38,491 --> 00:35:40,623
- we could go get a bite...
- Tracy.
664
00:35:40,624 --> 00:35:43,189
I am so happy that you could make it
665
00:35:43,190 --> 00:35:47,755
to Michael's surprise party.
666
00:35:47,756 --> 00:35:51,188
Let me introduce you
to a few of our guests.
667
00:35:51,189 --> 00:35:52,788
Brian!
668
00:35:52,789 --> 00:35:55,620
David.
669
00:35:55,621 --> 00:35:56,954
David, this is Tracy.
670
00:35:56,955 --> 00:35:57,987
Tracy, this is David.
671
00:35:57,988 --> 00:35:59,553
Tracy, yeah, we met.
672
00:35:59,554 --> 00:36:01,220
Right, you're Mike's chiropractor.
673
00:36:01,221 --> 00:36:02,819
Right.
674
00:36:02,820 --> 00:36:07,619
He's also his boyfriend.
675
00:36:07,620 --> 00:36:11,952
Oh, excuse me. Ex-boyfriend.
676
00:36:11,953 --> 00:36:13,485
The first time they fucked,
677
00:36:13,486 --> 00:36:17,951
Michael came, like, three times.
678
00:36:25,684 --> 00:36:28,615
Mike.
679
00:36:28,616 --> 00:36:30,482
Why don't you buy your
friend, Tracy, a drink?
680
00:36:30,483 --> 00:36:33,682
Looks like she could use one.
681
00:36:38,948 --> 00:36:41,580
Don't go yet, Mikey. You
haven't even had your cake.
682
00:36:41,581 --> 00:36:43,881
Fuck off!
683
00:36:49,580 --> 00:36:52,513
Tracy.
684
00:36:55,146 --> 00:36:58,678
It's true.
685
00:36:58,679 --> 00:37:01,544
David was my boyfriend.
686
00:37:10,009 --> 00:37:12,975
Do you laugh at me?
687
00:37:12,976 --> 00:37:14,374
You and your friends?
688
00:37:14,375 --> 00:37:15,641
The boys, do you laugh at me?
689
00:37:15,642 --> 00:37:17,774
No. No.
690
00:37:17,775 --> 00:37:21,108
I must be a big joke to you, huh?
691
00:37:21,109 --> 00:37:23,873
The girl at work. The
one who has the crush.
692
00:37:23,874 --> 00:37:26,340
She's so funny because she's so stupid.
693
00:37:26,341 --> 00:37:28,639
It's not like that, I swear.
694
00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:32,506
You're a liar, Mike. A liar.
695
00:37:52,770 --> 00:37:54,002
Hey.
696
00:37:54,003 --> 00:37:57,901
Look what I had cooked up
for this special occasion.
697
00:37:57,902 --> 00:38:00,401
I'd like to get out
of here, how about you?
698
00:38:00,402 --> 00:38:02,434
Yeah.
699
00:38:02,435 --> 00:38:05,800
Don't forget this.
700
00:38:05,801 --> 00:38:08,567
I don't want it.
701
00:38:08,568 --> 00:38:12,366
Thanks for the party.
702
00:38:14,567 --> 00:38:15,666
Well, Brian,
703
00:38:15,667 --> 00:38:18,665
you really know how to
throw a birthday bash.
704
00:38:18,666 --> 00:38:23,664
Too bad all good things
must come to an end.
705
00:38:23,665 --> 00:38:25,497
Well, well, well.
706
00:38:25,498 --> 00:38:26,897
Is anyone surprised?
707
00:38:26,898 --> 00:38:28,664
That's the way he treats people.
708
00:38:28,665 --> 00:38:30,429
Am I right?
709
00:38:30,430 --> 00:38:32,463
I mean, is there anyone here tonight
710
00:38:32,464 --> 00:38:36,029
that hasn't been fucked by Brian Kinney
711
00:38:36,030 --> 00:38:38,995
one way or another?
712
00:38:38,996 --> 00:38:41,495
Well, what do you know?
713
00:38:41,496 --> 00:38:45,527
Now Michael has been, too.
714
00:38:45,528 --> 00:38:49,827
So you finally gave him what he wanted.
715
00:38:49,828 --> 00:38:52,861
Good for you.
716
00:38:56,660 --> 00:38:58,892
How could you have
done that to him, Brian?
717
00:38:58,893 --> 00:39:03,525
Your best friend in the whole world.
718
00:39:11,758 --> 00:39:14,756
Well?
719
00:39:14,757 --> 00:39:16,756
Aren't you going to
make your big exit, too?
720
00:39:16,757 --> 00:39:20,289
No.
721
00:39:20,290 --> 00:39:21,223
You're going to need someone
722
00:39:21,224 --> 00:39:23,923
to help you clean up this mess.
723
00:39:34,321 --> 00:39:36,619
Uh, come in, take off your things...
724
00:39:36,620 --> 00:39:41,351
your coat... and relax.
725
00:39:41,352 --> 00:39:43,185
Thanks.
726
00:39:43,186 --> 00:39:45,285
Would you like a drink?
727
00:39:45,286 --> 00:39:49,217
No, I think I've had enough.
728
00:39:49,218 --> 00:39:50,751
That was some party, huh?
729
00:39:50,752 --> 00:39:52,783
It had its moments.
730
00:39:52,784 --> 00:39:56,416
Like when you punched him.
731
00:39:56,417 --> 00:39:58,616
He deserved it.
732
00:39:58,617 --> 00:40:00,515
He deserved worse.
733
00:40:00,516 --> 00:40:04,982
I... I just don't want to
talk about it right now.
734
00:40:07,348 --> 00:40:08,881
I missed you.
735
00:40:08,882 --> 00:40:10,581
Have you?
736
00:40:10,582 --> 00:40:12,714
Yeah, I have.
737
00:40:25,813 --> 00:40:30,612
I... I'm not sure what's
happening here right now.
738
00:40:33,478 --> 00:40:35,710
I want to take you up on your offer,
739
00:40:35,711 --> 00:40:38,277
to live together.
740
00:40:38,278 --> 00:40:42,842
I want to give it a shot.
741
00:40:42,843 --> 00:40:47,142
I'm not a consolation prize.
742
00:40:49,109 --> 00:40:53,340
I know that.
743
00:40:53,341 --> 00:40:55,807
You're first prize.
744
00:40:55,808 --> 00:40:57,840
You're sure?
745
00:40:57,841 --> 00:41:02,606
I'm 30.
746
00:41:02,607 --> 00:41:06,872
It's time I settled down and
took on some responsibility.
747
00:41:06,873 --> 00:41:08,372
Oh, uh-uh.
748
00:41:08,373 --> 00:41:12,571
Now you're making me
sound like life insurance.
749
00:41:12,572 --> 00:41:16,172
Well, in a way, you are.
750
00:41:18,838 --> 00:41:20,502
Do you still love me?
751
00:41:23,403 --> 00:41:28,336
Because I love you.
752
00:41:32,169 --> 00:41:34,269
Come.
753
00:41:55,799 --> 00:42:00,065
He asked me to pick
up the stuff he left.
754
00:42:08,463 --> 00:42:10,395
Hey, Sunshine.
755
00:42:10,396 --> 00:42:12,062
You got some tables to bus.
756
00:42:15,096 --> 00:42:17,127
I don't feel sick.
757
00:42:17,128 --> 00:42:19,127
Margaritas are definitely my drink.
758
00:42:19,128 --> 00:42:22,561
Get up.
759
00:42:37,192 --> 00:42:39,091
You want some coffee?
760
00:42:39,092 --> 00:42:42,124
No, thanks.
761
00:42:45,024 --> 00:42:48,289
Christ, I was pissed at you last night.
762
00:42:48,290 --> 00:42:52,488
Everybody was. Is.
763
00:42:52,489 --> 00:42:55,522
But right in the middle
of my cussing you out,
764
00:42:55,523 --> 00:43:00,487
I finally figured it out.
765
00:43:00,488 --> 00:43:04,421
You can't do anything quietly, can you?
766
00:43:04,422 --> 00:43:09,086
Everything's gotta be
a spectacle, a drama.
767
00:43:09,087 --> 00:43:13,386
You couldn't have pushed him softly.
768
00:43:14,386 --> 00:43:17,684
You had to shove him
off a fucking cliff.
769
00:43:17,685 --> 00:43:19,152
Yeah, I had to.
770
00:43:19,153 --> 00:43:23,218
Otherwise, he would have just
followed me around forever.
771
00:43:26,052 --> 00:43:29,518
Yeah, I guess he would have.
772
00:43:32,517 --> 00:43:34,015
Justin!
773
00:43:34,016 --> 00:43:37,581
I'm brushing my teeth.
774
00:43:37,582 --> 00:43:39,314
You loaned him your toothbrush?
775
00:43:39,315 --> 00:43:40,947
I have a supply.
776
00:43:40,948 --> 00:43:44,114
Oh.
777
00:43:44,115 --> 00:43:46,547
It was the only way.
778
00:43:46,548 --> 00:43:50,546
This David, he's good for him.
779
00:43:50,547 --> 00:43:53,879
Yeah, that won't last.
780
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,478
Maybe not.
781
00:43:56,479 --> 00:43:59,345
But he should at least give it a try.
782
00:43:59,346 --> 00:44:02,111
So, how's he doing?
783
00:44:02,112 --> 00:44:06,377
Trying to figure out why his
best friend would betray him.
784
00:44:06,378 --> 00:44:07,977
Of course, he doesn't realize
785
00:44:07,978 --> 00:44:11,910
that it's the best thing
that could ever happen,
786
00:44:11,911 --> 00:44:14,543
that you did him a favor.
787
00:44:14,544 --> 00:44:19,510
That maybe now he can finally
have a chance to have a life.
788
00:44:20,576 --> 00:44:23,509
Okay. I'm ready to go.
789
00:44:40,407 --> 00:44:43,606
You take care, kiddo.
790
00:44:47,205 --> 00:44:50,204
Thank you.
791
00:45:21,967 --> 00:45:24,298
Well, hello, early birds.
792
00:45:24,299 --> 00:45:26,831
Hi. Can we skip the chit-chat?
793
00:45:26,832 --> 00:45:27,931
We've been here for an hour.
794
00:45:27,932 --> 00:45:30,164
Hour and a half.
795
00:45:30,165 --> 00:45:32,464
Just, uh, just give it to me straight.
796
00:45:32,465 --> 00:45:34,530
Oh, the... the message
I left for you on Friday.
797
00:45:34,531 --> 00:45:35,797
Yeah.
798
00:45:35,798 --> 00:45:38,030
Well, um, here's the situation.
799
00:45:38,031 --> 00:45:39,829
Okay, spare me the, you know,
800
00:45:39,830 --> 00:45:42,029
the "warm him up, let
him down easy" speech.
801
00:45:42,030 --> 00:45:44,062
Just... just tell me.
802
00:45:44,063 --> 00:45:46,495
Your check bounced.
803
00:45:46,496 --> 00:45:47,862
What?
804
00:45:47,863 --> 00:45:49,061
Your check bounced.
805
00:45:49,062 --> 00:45:51,361
Insufficient funds.
806
00:45:51,362 --> 00:45:53,360
Perfect. How much?
807
00:45:53,361 --> 00:45:55,794
$60.
808
00:45:55,795 --> 00:45:57,394
Here. You're paying me back.
809
00:45:58,290 --> 00:45:59,744
Okay, who gives a shit about 60 bucks?
810
00:45:59,745 --> 00:46:00,510
I'll leave it to you in my will.
811
00:46:00,525 --> 00:46:03,159
Um, can I have my test results, please?
812
00:46:03,160 --> 00:46:05,892
You're fine.
813
00:46:05,893 --> 00:46:08,760
Congratulations.
814
00:46:11,292 --> 00:46:12,858
Oh, my God.
815
00:46:12,859 --> 00:46:15,457
I told you.
816
00:46:15,458 --> 00:46:20,357
So, uh, how'd you like to celebrate?
817
00:46:24,290 --> 00:46:26,955
Uh, you know what? I'm sorry, I can't.
818
00:46:26,956 --> 00:46:30,022
I'm, uh, I'm busy.
819
00:46:30,023 --> 00:46:32,221
Okay.
820
00:46:32,222 --> 00:46:35,720
Well, uh, I'll see you around, guys.
821
00:46:35,721 --> 00:46:39,821
Have a nice day.
822
00:46:42,954 --> 00:46:45,086
He's cute.
823
00:46:45,087 --> 00:46:48,452
If you don't want him, I'll take him.
824
00:46:48,453 --> 00:46:50,685
You can have him.
825
00:46:50,686 --> 00:46:52,984
I made a promise to God.
826
00:46:53,285 --> 00:46:55,851
A promise to God? What promise to God?
827
00:46:55,852 --> 00:46:59,050
I prayed and, uh, and told God
828
00:46:59,051 --> 00:47:01,317
that if I were negative,
829
00:47:01,318 --> 00:47:04,182
I would never have sex with another man.
830
00:47:04,183 --> 00:47:06,782
And I'm negative.
831
00:47:06,783 --> 00:47:09,716
So I can never touch a man again.
832
00:47:15,915 --> 00:47:17,347
Uh-huh.
833
00:47:52,700 --> 00:47:57,700
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
56398
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