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1
00:00:01,186 --> 00:00:05,899
I'm not sick but I'm not well
2
00:00:05,949 --> 00:00:08,943
...And I'm so hot
3
00:00:08,991 --> 00:00:13,511
Cos I'm in he-ell...
4
00:00:18,278 --> 00:00:21,511
'Yeah, fuck you.
5
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:24,634
'Shit. Five hours on Blitzkreig.
6
00:00:24,682 --> 00:00:29,600
'This isn't how it was meant to be.
Week's holiday?
7
00:00:29,645 --> 00:00:31,285
'I was gonna get to grips with
the Roman Republic.
8
00:00:31,327 --> 00:00:33,478
'Get into the GI diet.
9
00:00:33,528 --> 00:00:37,000
'Can't stop now - gotta
win the war for the Nazis.
10
00:00:37,050 --> 00:00:38,565
'Am I enjoying this?
11
00:00:38,612 --> 00:00:41,366
'Don't know any more.
Doesn't matter.
12
00:00:41,413 --> 00:00:43,133
'Gotta finish the level.
13
00:00:43,175 --> 00:00:46,533
'Then read those, do some sit-ups,
learn the clarinet.'
14
00:00:46,577 --> 00:00:48,170
OK, bye.
15
00:00:48,218 --> 00:00:50,575
That was your sister.
She'll be here in an hour.
16
00:00:50,620 --> 00:00:51,815
My sister?
17
00:00:51,861 --> 00:00:55,219
Yes, your sister. She's coming to
stay, remember. I left you a message.
18
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,220
Do you mean the pizza coupon
19
00:00:57,264 --> 00:01:00,463
with "sis mesg?" written
with a burnt match?
20
00:01:00,506 --> 00:01:02,146
Yeah, she rang
a couple of nights ago.
21
00:01:02,188 --> 00:01:03,781
She's broken up with her husband.
22
00:01:03,829 --> 00:01:05,582
What! Hold on.
23
00:01:05,630 --> 00:01:09,785
Sarah's broken up with Simon?
That's terrible.
24
00:01:09,833 --> 00:01:13,430
'Never get
my iPod speakers back now.
25
00:01:13,475 --> 00:01:17,471
'Still, on the bright side, the
base response was pretty awful.'
26
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:22,078
So, Sarah, great to see you.
27
00:01:22,121 --> 00:01:23,919
We haven't had a proper chat in ages.
28
00:01:23,962 --> 00:01:25,795
I've been chomping at the bit.
29
00:01:25,844 --> 00:01:28,120
All this crap with Simon's
brought up so much stuff for me.
30
00:01:28,165 --> 00:01:29,599
Really.
31
00:01:29,646 --> 00:01:31,684
You seen they have
jumbo cashews now?
32
00:01:31,728 --> 00:01:33,720
Yeah, I think we're
overdue for a big chat, aren't we?
33
00:01:33,769 --> 00:01:35,567
Spill some home truths?
34
00:01:35,610 --> 00:01:38,206
Yeah. Course, I was happy enough
35
00:01:38,252 --> 00:01:40,244
with the normal size.
But nothing lasts.
36
00:01:40,293 --> 00:01:43,128
All the shit that went on at
Grange Terrace before the move,
37
00:01:43,175 --> 00:01:45,327
get it all out,
cos it's so hard when
38
00:01:45,377 --> 00:01:47,812
you're trying to work through this
family stuff on your own, isn't it?
39
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:51,171
'Why do the people who want to
talk about things always win?
40
00:01:51,221 --> 00:01:53,976
'Why can't the people who don't
want to talk about things win? '
41
00:01:54,023 --> 00:01:56,254
It's great getting everything
out in the open.
42
00:01:56,304 --> 00:01:59,059
I think so, but a lot of
men don't see it that way.
43
00:01:59,106 --> 00:02:01,622
They're just not comfortable
talking about emotions.
44
00:02:01,668 --> 00:02:04,468
I think it's different
when you're a musician.
45
00:02:04,510 --> 00:02:05,864
You're a musician?
46
00:02:05,911 --> 00:02:08,905
Yeah, I'm a musician.
I really think that music
47
00:02:08,953 --> 00:02:11,149
really opens you up emotionally.
48
00:02:11,194 --> 00:02:13,630
A lot of musicians
like me feel that way.
49
00:02:13,676 --> 00:02:14,951
I think that's great.
50
00:02:14,997 --> 00:02:16,954
'Oh, my God, he's doing it.
51
00:02:16,998 --> 00:02:19,912
'His routine. He's doing
his routine on my sister! '
52
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,112
Yeah. Mark's not too musical.
53
00:02:22,162 --> 00:02:25,361
He bought a clarinet but
he uses it to hit a cymbal.
54
00:02:25,404 --> 00:02:27,521
'She's laughing.
55
00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:30,924
'She's laughing at his jokes! '
Yes, great, Jeremy, getting
56
00:02:30,968 --> 00:02:33,723
everything out in the open.
Have you told Sarah
57
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:36,923
how you've got chlamydia and
you're still in love with Big Suze?
58
00:02:36,972 --> 00:02:39,407
It was a visa marriage,
it's symptomless
59
00:02:39,453 --> 00:02:43,244
and it's a platonic love, as you
might have for a dog or a sandwich.
60
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:45,766
Be back in two ticks.
61
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:53,817
I see you. I know what you're doing.
62
00:02:53,863 --> 00:02:56,095
- What?
- You're gonna try and sleep with her.
63
00:02:56,145 --> 00:02:58,376
I can see it in your eyes.
64
00:02:58,426 --> 00:03:01,660
Look, Mark, she's your sister.
65
00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:03,621
I know that. Yeah?
66
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:06,823
Promise me you'll not
try to sleep with her.
67
00:03:06,872 --> 00:03:09,547
I promise I will try
not to sleep with her.
68
00:03:14,117 --> 00:03:17,634
So, you slept with her.
69
00:03:17,679 --> 00:03:18,908
You promised!
70
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,599
I promised to try not to.
71
00:03:20,641 --> 00:03:22,554
Yeah, well you didn't
try very hard, did you!
72
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:24,276
Mark, I tried incredibly hard.
73
00:03:24,324 --> 00:03:26,600
It just turns out it was
impossible not to.
74
00:03:26,645 --> 00:03:27,795
Morning, Mark. >
75
00:03:27,846 --> 00:03:30,521
Hey, honey, I called
Frank about the clerking job.
76
00:03:30,568 --> 00:03:33,403
Should be fine for you to fill-in.
Come in 10ish.
77
00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:36,171
Cool, thanks.
78
00:03:36,212 --> 00:03:40,891
'They're rubbing it in. It's like
I've got his member in my face.'
79
00:03:40,935 --> 00:03:44,692
Easy money. Turns out getting a job
doesn't involve spending hours
80
00:03:44,738 --> 00:03:48,528
making sure every single word
on your CV's spelt right, hey, Mark.
81
00:03:48,580 --> 00:03:51,176
Nothing means
anything to you, does it?
82
00:03:51,222 --> 00:03:53,340
Friendship, loyalty - they're just
83
00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:58,177
fusty old words, like sixpence
and codpiece, to you, aren't they?
84
00:03:58,227 --> 00:04:02,223
Oh, Mark.
Mate, it isn't like that at all.
85
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:04,262
She's in a vulnerable state, Jeremy.
86
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:05,825
She's not a refugee, Mark.
87
00:04:05,872 --> 00:04:07,829
She's a 29-year-old solicitor.
88
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,547
With a great arse.
89
00:04:09,595 --> 00:04:11,427
Don't say that!
90
00:04:11,476 --> 00:04:16,758
I know what you do with the
electric toothbrush
91
00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:20,636
and the bum stuff. God, I can't
believe I'm even thinking about it.
92
00:04:20,682 --> 00:04:23,915
Couldn't you find anyone
else to shag?
93
00:04:23,964 --> 00:04:25,717
Mark, mate, look,
94
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,405
this wasn't just a shag.
95
00:04:27,447 --> 00:04:31,567
As soon as I met her,
I had these strong,
96
00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:33,681
almost uncontrollable feelings.
97
00:04:33,731 --> 00:04:37,487
You'll say anything. Words don't
mean a thing to you, do they?
98
00:04:37,533 --> 00:04:39,605
I think I love her.
99
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,487
I think I've fallen in love with her.
100
00:04:41,536 --> 00:04:44,006
You can't blame me for falling
in love with her, can you?
101
00:04:44,058 --> 00:04:45,731
No, I guess not.
102
00:04:46,780 --> 00:04:49,580
It's just, I don't believe you.
103
00:04:49,622 --> 00:04:52,696
Oh, right. There's not much I can
really do about that, is there?
104
00:04:52,744 --> 00:04:56,136
Unless you want me to buy her
the biggest puppy
105
00:04:56,186 --> 00:04:58,463
or heart-shaped cushion in the world?
106
00:04:58,508 --> 00:05:00,340
Is that literally
what you want me to do? >
107
00:05:00,389 --> 00:05:03,861
Buy her a puppy the size of
Digby, the biggest dog in the world.
108
00:05:06,753 --> 00:05:10,031
'lf I don't pay it's OK.
If I don't pay it's OK.
109
00:05:10,076 --> 00:05:14,390
'Oh, God. Four hours of my
precious holiday wasted.
110
00:05:14,438 --> 00:05:16,954
'The day's a write-off.
Might as well just carry on.
111
00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:20,439
'Must be something to puncture
my thickening shield of numbness.
112
00:05:21,483 --> 00:05:23,441
Just a minute.
113
00:05:23,485 --> 00:05:25,602
'There's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
114
00:05:25,646 --> 00:05:28,401
'Looking at porn is just
like lying to Parliament.
115
00:05:28,448 --> 00:05:31,362
'It used to be wrong but now
it's just a great big funny joke.'
116
00:05:32,931 --> 00:05:34,445
Big Suze.
117
00:05:34,492 --> 00:05:38,807
Hi, Mark. I was after Jez. I need
someone to run my lines with. Is he?
118
00:05:38,855 --> 00:05:43,329
No, Jez, he's not here.
He's with my sister.
119
00:05:43,378 --> 00:05:46,099
They've started going out, actually.
120
00:05:46,140 --> 00:05:48,132
Oh, God, wow.
121
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,935
He's moving on.
122
00:05:49,983 --> 00:05:51,656
What are the lines?
123
00:05:51,704 --> 00:05:55,494
Oh, I just got a part in the
stage version of the movie Crash.
124
00:05:55,546 --> 00:05:58,016
You know, the one about
people who feel sexy
125
00:05:58,068 --> 00:06:00,789
when they think about
road traffic accidents.
126
00:06:00,830 --> 00:06:02,059
'God she's beautiful.
127
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:03,830
'How did Jeremy ever...
128
00:06:03,872 --> 00:06:06,593
'I guess she's just a bit stupid.'
129
00:06:06,634 --> 00:06:09,309
Not interrupting, am I?
What were you up to?
130
00:06:09,356 --> 00:06:12,714
Oh, no, just a
bit of internet research.
131
00:06:12,758 --> 00:06:15,149
Right. "Looking at nudie
ladies" research. >
132
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,081
'My God, she's not stupid,
she's incredibly perceptive.'
133
00:06:19,122 --> 00:06:21,558
Don't worry, I won't tell Sophie.
134
00:06:21,604 --> 00:06:24,723
God, no, nothing like that. I wish.
135
00:06:24,766 --> 00:06:26,678
No, historical.
136
00:06:26,727 --> 00:06:28,606
Sophie wouldn't want
to know about history.
137
00:06:28,649 --> 00:06:30,880
I'll actually turn that off.
138
00:06:30,930 --> 00:06:33,924
I was just heading out -
salad and a Hawksmoor church.
139
00:06:33,972 --> 00:06:35,486
Hawksmoor, my God, I think
140
00:06:35,533 --> 00:06:38,687
my mum's related to a Hawksmoor,
about a million times removed.
141
00:06:38,736 --> 00:06:41,251
'God, she's so posh that I,
142
00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:43,290
'Mark Corrigan,
who was privately educated
143
00:06:43,339 --> 00:06:46,458
'until dad's British Aerospace
shares went kaput,
144
00:06:46,501 --> 00:06:48,174
'could be her bit of rough.'
145
00:06:48,222 --> 00:06:50,100
Listen, if you want...
146
00:06:50,143 --> 00:06:52,898
You probably don't want to...
You'd be very welcome to...
147
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,177
I'd love to.
148
00:06:58,029 --> 00:07:01,307
That really was a great
church, wasn't it? So beautiful.
149
00:07:01,351 --> 00:07:03,263
I know.
They're probably just waiting
150
00:07:03,312 --> 00:07:05,191
for the last few Christians
to die out
151
00:07:05,234 --> 00:07:07,908
and then they'll convert it
it into a prestige living space.
152
00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:11,837
'Oh, God, she's so incredibly
lovely. She's probably got a title.
153
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:14,474
'She's just too modest to say.
154
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:18,231
'Lady Big Suze and Lord Mark.
155
00:07:18,282 --> 00:07:20,195
'No, don't get ahead of yourself.
156
00:07:20,244 --> 00:07:23,955
'Just focus on trying to lean her
towards ecclesiastical architecture
157
00:07:24,006 --> 00:07:26,522
'and away from disco dancing.'
158
00:07:26,568 --> 00:07:27,968
Come on, keep up.
159
00:07:28,009 --> 00:07:30,479
But watch out, though,
I'm on your tail.
160
00:07:30,531 --> 00:07:33,000
I'm Hawksmoor, you're Wren.
161
00:07:33,052 --> 00:07:36,764
'Oh, my God,
I've fallen in love with her.
162
00:07:36,815 --> 00:07:40,366
'Of course. Brilliant.
How incredibly predictable.
163
00:07:40,417 --> 00:07:42,535
'What a total fucking dope.'
164
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,058
'This is the life.
I'm eating over
165
00:07:46,101 --> 00:07:49,619
'the five fruit and veg a day,
managed to cut Jeremy down to one.
166
00:07:49,664 --> 00:07:53,739
'He still thinks potatoes
count, the arsehole.
167
00:07:53,786 --> 00:07:56,461
'I'm winning, I'm not
gonna get cancer and he is.
168
00:07:56,508 --> 00:07:58,944
'I don't want him to, but if
one of us is gonna get it,
169
00:07:58,990 --> 00:08:01,665
'which we obviously are,
I'd rather it was him.'
170
00:08:01,712 --> 00:08:03,271
You're looking well.
171
00:08:03,313 --> 00:08:08,265
Thanks. And you're back from work.
172
00:08:08,316 --> 00:08:09,545
How is work?
173
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:12,159
How's work? How's work, he says.
174
00:08:12,199 --> 00:08:15,079
You've seen the
Killing Fields, right.
175
00:08:15,121 --> 00:08:16,350
What's Big Suze doing here?
176
00:08:16,402 --> 00:08:19,635
Oh, she's just
e- mailing her agent about the play.
177
00:08:21,245 --> 00:08:24,000
That is ticketyboo.
178
00:08:24,047 --> 00:08:25,242
She said you two had been out.
179
00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:27,963
Oh, yeah, we just popped
to the British Museum
180
00:08:28,010 --> 00:08:31,561
and then to the lmax to watch
a 3D film about the Rolling Stones.
181
00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:34,253
Block of fudge?
182
00:08:34,294 --> 00:08:38,131
What's going on? Do you fancy her?
Are you in love with her?
183
00:08:38,177 --> 00:08:39,496
What!
184
00:08:39,537 --> 00:08:42,178
My God, Jeremy, of course not. No.
185
00:08:42,219 --> 00:08:44,894
Yeah, well you'd better not be.
186
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:47,332
Thanks for telling Sarah
that I'm in love with her.
187
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:50,934
Normally when people are in love
and sharing a bed,
188
00:08:50,985 --> 00:08:54,583
contrary to all prior arrangements,
they like to shout about it.
189
00:08:54,628 --> 00:08:56,506
Look, I'm in love with her,
all right.
190
00:08:56,549 --> 00:09:00,545
It's just,
she wants to talk about it a lot,
191
00:09:00,592 --> 00:09:04,668
which I'm fine with, but
while I'm eating a jacket potato?
192
00:09:04,715 --> 00:09:06,832
'Potato - perfect.'
193
00:09:06,876 --> 00:09:09,597
Mark, I'm sorry, but I
think I might have deleted >
194
00:09:09,638 --> 00:09:11,231
your e-mail address book. >
195
00:09:11,279 --> 00:09:13,077
Oh, that's fine, don't worry.
196
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:14,679
You are in love with her!
197
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:16,075
What? No, I'm not.
198
00:09:16,122 --> 00:09:18,354
Yes, you bloody are.
You practically crucified me
199
00:09:18,404 --> 00:09:20,123
the day I changed your home page.
200
00:09:20,165 --> 00:09:23,443
No, it's just, I have a paper copy.
201
00:09:23,487 --> 00:09:25,001
I know you, Corrigan.
202
00:09:25,048 --> 00:09:29,887
How dare you! You've got no
business being in love with Big Suze.
203
00:09:29,932 --> 00:09:31,889
Jeremy, I'm not in love with her.
204
00:09:31,933 --> 00:09:34,654
Anyway, how come you
even care about Suze
205
00:09:34,695 --> 00:09:36,448
if you're so in love with my sister!
206
00:09:36,496 --> 00:09:39,251
I don't care. I'm just interested.
207
00:09:39,298 --> 00:09:41,973
You seem pretty angry for
someone who's just interested.
208
00:09:42,020 --> 00:09:46,221
Well, being interested
sometimes makes people angry, Mark.
209
00:09:46,263 --> 00:09:48,539
I thought that was common knowledge.
210
00:09:50,105 --> 00:09:52,780
'Oh, yes, the healthy life.
211
00:09:52,827 --> 00:09:55,263
'Haven't surfed for filth for days.
212
00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:57,266
'And I've almost
forgotten the images
213
00:09:57,310 --> 00:10:00,429
'that are seared into
my brain for ever.'
214
00:10:00,472 --> 00:10:02,669
Sorry. Not getting much sleep.
215
00:10:02,714 --> 00:10:04,831
They found asbestos in
my airing cupboard
216
00:10:04,875 --> 00:10:06,868
so I'm on a
camp bed in the hall.
217
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:11,277
Well, if it all gets too much,
you can always crash at my place.
218
00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:12,913
Thank you.
219
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:14,759
So, ready?
220
00:10:14,802 --> 00:10:16,919
'I'm ready.
Ready to watch your lovely bottom
221
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:18,796
'before I have a heart attack.
222
00:10:18,845 --> 00:10:23,239
'Hey, wow, I'm actually good
at this. Maybe I'm a natural.
223
00:10:23,288 --> 00:10:26,760
'Yeah, I'm a jogger. Of course,
there had to be a sport for me.
224
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,246
'I just never realised.
I'm a natural jogger.
225
00:10:29,292 --> 00:10:35,610
'Feel the legs like two great
steam locomotives pumping away.
226
00:10:35,656 --> 00:10:38,092
'I'm Cram I'm Ovett,
I'm unstoppable...
227
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:39,857
'Jesus, is that a stitch.
228
00:10:39,899 --> 00:10:41,777
'Fuck, I think I'm gonna be sick.
229
00:10:41,820 --> 00:10:43,493
'Slow. I need to walk.
230
00:10:43,542 --> 00:10:46,011
'Oh, I think I'm gonna puke.
231
00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,782
'I'm literally gonna die.
232
00:10:47,824 --> 00:10:51,422
'What an idiotic boob I was
about 10 or 11 seconds ago.'
233
00:10:54,109 --> 00:10:55,509
This is so kind of you, Mark.
234
00:10:55,550 --> 00:10:58,065
I wasn't getting a wink on the camp bed.
But if Soph's coming over,
235
00:10:58,111 --> 00:11:01,185
or I'm cramping
your style, you must let me know.
236
00:11:01,234 --> 00:11:02,587
Oh, no, it's fine.
237
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:06,789
I don't have a style really,
so no cramping. 'Don't get excited.
238
00:11:06,837 --> 00:11:11,152
'Just lie on the floor at her feet
like the faithful dog I am.
239
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,113
'I will protect you, Big Suze.
240
00:11:13,162 --> 00:11:16,520
'lf any intruders come,
I will attack. I'll bite.'
241
00:11:16,564 --> 00:11:18,760
Mark, it's crazy
you being down on the floor
242
00:11:18,805 --> 00:11:23,405
when there's loads of room
in the bed. Hop on in.
243
00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,247
I don't think...
244
00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:26,519
Really?
245
00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:30,852
Relax, Mark. I promise I won't steal
your half of the duvet or anything.
246
00:11:32,415 --> 00:11:34,327
Great.
247
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:38,736
Do you know what you are, Mark?
A big cuddly grouch ball.
248
00:11:38,779 --> 00:11:42,137
It's like sharing a bed with
Fozzy Bear or Oscar the Grouch.
249
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:43,900
'Maybe something could happen.
250
00:11:43,942 --> 00:11:48,497
'In the same bed,
human nature might take its course.'
251
00:11:48,546 --> 00:11:51,061
Kind of like a
modern-day eunuch, aren't you, Mark?
252
00:11:52,628 --> 00:11:54,780
Yes, I suppose so.
253
00:11:54,830 --> 00:11:57,426
'I know what I'll do.
I'll wait till she's asleep
254
00:11:57,472 --> 00:11:59,623
'and then touch her hair.
255
00:11:59,673 --> 00:12:02,712
'Just as much hair
touching as I like.'
256
00:12:05,877 --> 00:12:08,313
'How can Mark be in
love with Big Suze?
257
00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:12,594
'It's like Swaziland trying to invade
China. It's a bloody political joke.
258
00:12:12,642 --> 00:12:16,034
'Yeah, well, while your failing to
get anywhere at all with my ex, Mark,
259
00:12:16,084 --> 00:12:20,319
'I'm doing the nasty with
your very own sister.
260
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:22,199
'Not really in the moment though.
261
00:12:22,248 --> 00:12:26,164
'What's wrong?
Got my sex mix on. Is it?
262
00:12:26,211 --> 00:12:28,932
'She can't! Does she?
263
00:12:28,973 --> 00:12:31,330
'God, she does, she smells like Mark.
264
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:33,606
'She must use the same talcum power.
265
00:12:33,656 --> 00:12:35,329
'Who still uses talcum power?
266
00:12:35,377 --> 00:12:37,847
'Bollocks, got to get into this.'
267
00:12:37,899 --> 00:12:39,652
You know, if you want,
268
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,774
you could slip a finger up my arse?
269
00:12:42,822 --> 00:12:45,463
- What?
- Up my bum, up my bottom.
270
00:12:45,504 --> 00:12:48,145
Why on earth would I want to
do anything to your bottom?
271
00:12:48,186 --> 00:12:51,703
No, sure. Sorry.
272
00:12:57,953 --> 00:13:01,868
Now that's... ticketyboo.
273
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:04,954
'Oh, my God! That's...
274
00:13:04,997 --> 00:13:10,758
'She's Mark! I've basically
got my penis inside Mark.'
275
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:16,995
So are you really gonna do this?
You, me, big Suze, Sarah?
276
00:13:18,206 --> 00:13:19,640
You're such a bastard.
277
00:13:19,687 --> 00:13:23,160
Steady on.
My mushroom stroganoff isn't that bad.
278
00:13:23,210 --> 00:13:27,843
OK, I know you're going to say
no to this, but I said I'd ask.
279
00:13:27,893 --> 00:13:30,693
Sarah's looking for a place to stay.
280
00:13:30,735 --> 00:13:33,729
I said because it's a small flat
281
00:13:33,777 --> 00:13:35,769
and there'd be bathroom issues, so...
282
00:13:35,818 --> 00:13:37,936
I'm sure we can work it out.
283
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,974
Shame to break up the lovebirds.
284
00:13:41,022 --> 00:13:44,380
Unless... you do want her to stay,
don't you?
285
00:13:44,424 --> 00:13:46,860
Well, of course.
286
00:13:46,906 --> 00:13:49,581
Obviously. That's obvious.
287
00:13:49,628 --> 00:13:51,426
I'd be very happy.
288
00:13:51,469 --> 00:13:55,225
Then you're going to have to take
responsibility for your actions.
289
00:13:55,271 --> 00:13:56,500
For once.
290
00:13:56,552 --> 00:14:00,753
'Why should I take responsibility
for my actions?
291
00:14:00,795 --> 00:14:05,553
'I don't spend hours thinking about
them. What kind of life is that? '
292
00:14:05,598 --> 00:14:10,153
- How was he?
- Oh, sounds like it should be fine.
293
00:14:10,202 --> 00:14:12,512
See, I told you.
294
00:14:12,563 --> 00:14:15,204
Now, I've got all your files out.
295
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:20,038
I've got a feeling your National
Insurance affairs aren't in order.
296
00:14:20,088 --> 00:14:22,843
'There's a Mark in here and a Mark in there.
I'm surrounded.'
297
00:14:25,452 --> 00:14:29,528
Thought Sarah was going to join us?
Mark says you're in love.
298
00:14:29,575 --> 00:14:32,090
She must be amazing.
299
00:14:32,136 --> 00:14:35,529
Um, yeah. She's great.
She's on the phone.
300
00:14:35,579 --> 00:14:38,857
That's nice.
That's a nice thing to say.
301
00:14:38,901 --> 00:14:45,014
So, what is it especially that you,
you know, love about her?
302
00:14:45,065 --> 00:14:47,342
Oh, I couldn't possibly...
303
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:51,268
Oh, come on. Is she the one?
Do you think it will last?
304
00:14:51,309 --> 00:14:55,351
No. I mean, I hope it does,
but nothing does,
305
00:14:55,392 --> 00:14:57,589
so I'm just being realistic.
306
00:14:57,634 --> 00:15:02,586
He's bashful, but I see
brother-in-law material there.
307
00:15:02,637 --> 00:15:07,509
So, Suze, how's everything
with your bloke, what's-his-name?
308
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:10,953
We finished, so no need
to twist the knife.
309
00:15:11,003 --> 00:15:13,724
Oh, sorry, I had no idea.
310
00:15:13,765 --> 00:15:17,077
I'm here for you.
311
00:15:17,127 --> 00:15:20,804
Jeremy, I think
your girlfriend's crying.
312
00:15:20,849 --> 00:15:22,044
Your sister.
313
00:15:22,090 --> 00:15:25,529
That was definitely sobbing, Jez.
314
00:15:25,573 --> 00:15:29,204
But she was taking a call
from your dad, so maybe
315
00:15:29,255 --> 00:15:31,452
if it's family stuff, you should...
316
00:15:31,497 --> 00:15:36,858
Well, even if it is family stuff,
I don't want to know about
317
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:39,735
all the infidelities and heartache,
318
00:15:39,782 --> 00:15:42,821
and if Uncle Lance was touched up by
the vicar,
319
00:15:42,864 --> 00:15:47,224
and that's why he's such a tit
at Christmas, I'm sorry.
320
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:49,180
She does sound upset.
321
00:15:49,229 --> 00:15:52,826
All right, fine, I'll talk to her.
322
00:15:52,871 --> 00:15:56,549
It'll be good to hear
about... everything.
323
00:15:56,594 --> 00:15:59,633
'While she's talking, I'll use
my mind to think about other things.'
324
00:15:59,676 --> 00:16:02,636
You OK, lovebumps?
325
00:16:04,279 --> 00:16:06,510
Do you want to talk about it?
326
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:08,917
Jez, listen.
327
00:16:08,962 --> 00:16:12,560
'This is an hour of my life
I'll never get back.
328
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:15,758
'While Mark and Big Suze
do lovely chatting,
329
00:16:15,807 --> 00:16:18,163
'I get put through
the emotional mincing machine'.
330
00:16:18,208 --> 00:16:22,284
That was Simon.
We're going to... we talked,
331
00:16:22,331 --> 00:16:25,689
and we're going to give it
another chance.
332
00:16:25,733 --> 00:16:26,689
You are.
333
00:16:26,734 --> 00:16:31,049
'Simon, you are a god! ' Oh, wow.
334
00:16:31,097 --> 00:16:34,057
I'm so sorry, honey bear.
335
00:16:34,099 --> 00:16:35,613
Sarah, ssh.
336
00:16:35,660 --> 00:16:38,734
Que sera, sera.
337
00:16:38,782 --> 00:16:43,735
I've got to go. We're meeting at
Cafe Rouge for a summit and a steak.
338
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:45,140
Adios, amigo.
339
00:16:45,187 --> 00:16:47,987
'Oh, my God,
she's actually going.
340
00:16:48,029 --> 00:16:54,745
'She's going. Freedom in
five, four, three, two, one! '
341
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:57,263
'Ole, ole, ole, ole! '
342
00:16:57,315 --> 00:17:00,354
What are you dancing a jig for,
Jeremy?
343
00:17:00,397 --> 00:17:06,397
I just heard that Jamiroquai are playing
Reading. I fucking love those guys!
344
00:17:06,441 --> 00:17:08,478
Where's Sarah gone?
345
00:17:08,522 --> 00:17:10,276
She's off to meet Simon.
346
00:17:10,324 --> 00:17:13,318
They're getting back together.
347
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:17,077
This has worked out perfectly
for you, hasn't it?
348
00:17:17,128 --> 00:17:18,562
No, not at all.
349
00:17:18,609 --> 00:17:21,968
Come on, this is me
you're talking to.
350
00:17:22,012 --> 00:17:27,089
Maybe it's time you stopped pretending
not to be in love with big Suze.
351
00:17:27,135 --> 00:17:28,728
What are you?
352
00:17:30,337 --> 00:17:34,697
Look, all right. The fact is,
she is a beautiful woman.
353
00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:36,618
That's just a fact.
354
00:17:36,661 --> 00:17:38,779
A blind man could see that.
355
00:17:38,823 --> 00:17:41,942
But I'm not gonna do anything.
356
00:17:41,985 --> 00:17:47,507
I'm just like a kind of blind
eunuch, looking at a painting.
357
00:17:47,549 --> 00:17:49,302
Fair enough.
358
00:17:49,350 --> 00:17:53,187
'My carefully nurtured public image
succeeds once again'.
359
00:17:53,233 --> 00:17:54,952
Let's crack open the gin.
360
00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:58,274
'Brilliant.
361
00:17:58,316 --> 00:18:02,517
'Total lack of self-control.
Drunk himself out of contention'.
362
00:18:02,559 --> 00:18:05,917
He was really guzzling, wasn't he?
Is he OK?
363
00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:08,716
Just very upset about Sarah.
364
00:18:08,763 --> 00:18:11,723
I think they really had a bond.
365
00:18:11,765 --> 00:18:14,804
Oh, right.
366
00:18:14,847 --> 00:18:17,886
Suze, are you OK?
367
00:18:17,929 --> 00:18:22,289
I don't know. It's just... my
sister's just come off a moped
368
00:18:22,332 --> 00:18:27,285
in Zakynthos, and she might have to
have a pin in her leg.
369
00:18:27,336 --> 00:18:32,413
And she flew budget, so it'll be
a nightmare coming through security.
370
00:18:32,459 --> 00:18:35,578
The only airline that
really understands is BA.
371
00:18:35,621 --> 00:18:40,095
Oh, yeah. I know.
They're great, aren't they?
372
00:18:42,186 --> 00:18:45,817
'Here we go. My God, I'm gonna
have to learn to ride a horse'.
373
00:18:45,868 --> 00:18:51,663
This looks like a very sweet scene.
What exactly is going on here?
374
00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:54,433
I was just telling Mark about Tor.
375
00:18:54,474 --> 00:18:57,036
- You realise what he's doing?
- Jez.
376
00:18:57,076 --> 00:19:02,313
He bloody loves you. It's pathetic.
I I bet you've got a hard-on.
377
00:19:02,360 --> 00:19:06,116
No, of course I haven't.
She was telling me...
378
00:19:06,162 --> 00:19:07,881
Take your trousers off.
379
00:19:07,923 --> 00:19:09,118
Don't be ridiculous.
380
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:12,556
You've got nothing to hide, have you?
Come on, let's have a look.
381
00:19:12,607 --> 00:19:14,439
No! It's hard, isn't it?
382
00:19:14,488 --> 00:19:18,882
No. And even if it was, it wouldn't
prove love. It's just a human body!
383
00:19:18,931 --> 00:19:23,405
Suddenly you're admitting
to having a human body.
384
00:19:23,454 --> 00:19:25,013
You're no bloody eunuch!
385
00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:30,207
I'm going to answer the door now,
Mark, but I'm coming back for you.
386
00:19:30,258 --> 00:19:33,378
And your cock.
387
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:37,619
- He was lying all along, the arsehole.
- What?
388
00:19:37,664 --> 00:19:42,502
I looked at his phone, there were
texts, all hugs and bloody kisses!
389
00:19:42,547 --> 00:19:45,985
'She's back!
This is a fucking nightmare! '
390
00:19:46,029 --> 00:19:50,662
You don't, do you,
have feelings for me, Mark?
391
00:19:50,712 --> 00:19:53,865
'This is it. Go for it. Tell her.
392
00:19:53,915 --> 00:19:56,714
'Betray Sophie, destroy Jeremy.'
393
00:19:56,756 --> 00:19:58,110
No.
394
00:19:58,157 --> 00:20:00,798
God, no.
395
00:20:00,839 --> 00:20:03,992
As you know,
I'm in love with Sophie.
396
00:20:04,041 --> 00:20:06,238
Right. I thought...
397
00:20:06,283 --> 00:20:10,757
Honestly, Suze, I like you,
398
00:20:10,806 --> 00:20:14,722
sort of, but not even
really that much.
399
00:20:14,769 --> 00:20:19,926
I mean, you're very,
you know... horsey.
400
00:20:19,972 --> 00:20:24,253
You're the horsey type. Not that
I've got a chip on my shoulder.
401
00:20:24,295 --> 00:20:30,488
You're sort of a throwback,
a kind of Marie Antoinette figure.
402
00:20:30,539 --> 00:20:35,138
Let them eat cake. It's a
mistranslation, but... you know.
403
00:20:35,663 --> 00:20:41,024
Big, stupid,
posh head, that's you.
404
00:20:42,868 --> 00:20:47,820
'She's like one of those
big turds that just won't flush'.
405
00:20:47,871 --> 00:20:50,512
If you want, I could call you a cab.
406
00:20:50,553 --> 00:20:53,547
It's good to be back where I'm safe.
407
00:20:53,595 --> 00:20:55,791
We have got so much to talk about.
408
00:20:55,836 --> 00:20:58,796
Oh, right, yes, of course.
409
00:20:58,839 --> 00:21:01,718
I'm just gonna clean up, OK?
410
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,957
'Oh, please, Simon, take her back! '
411
00:21:05,683 --> 00:21:10,157
Jez, listen. I need a drink.
Do you fancy a drink?
412
00:21:10,967 --> 00:21:16,488
Er, I can't, really, because... yes.
413
00:21:16,531 --> 00:21:18,568
Hold on. Give me five.
414
00:21:18,612 --> 00:21:20,251
See you in the pub.
415
00:21:23,295 --> 00:21:25,287
Well, happy now?
416
00:21:25,336 --> 00:21:27,374
I'm going to the pub with Big Suze.
417
00:21:27,418 --> 00:21:30,378
Tell Sarah I've finished with her.
418
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:32,651
Absolutely not!
419
00:21:32,701 --> 00:21:35,776
You've got to face up
to your responsibilities!
420
00:21:35,824 --> 00:21:38,293
Be nice about it, cos I do love her.
421
00:21:38,345 --> 00:21:41,818
I've got commitment issues, yeah?
422
00:21:41,868 --> 00:21:43,188
Jeremy!
423
00:21:43,229 --> 00:21:45,664
Mark, what's...
424
00:21:45,710 --> 00:21:46,905
Where's Jez?
425
00:21:46,951 --> 00:21:51,983
Oh, Sarah, I... Blimey.
426
00:21:52,035 --> 00:21:57,875
Look, thing is... It's really not my
responsibility to tell you this...
427
00:21:57,919 --> 00:22:00,036
Jeremy's gone, OK?
428
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:03,677
He's pissed off. He's left.
I'm not gonna do his dirty work.
429
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,521
Dirty work?
430
00:22:05,564 --> 00:22:09,879
The dickhead, he wanted me to dump
you for him, if you can imagine.
431
00:22:09,927 --> 00:22:11,839
He's dumping me?
432
00:22:11,888 --> 00:22:13,845
'I should be honest.
433
00:22:13,889 --> 00:22:18,842
'Just tell her he fucked her,
and now he's chucked her.'
434
00:22:18,893 --> 00:22:22,490
Look, it's not you, it's him.
He has commitment issues.
435
00:22:22,535 --> 00:22:25,097
- You're loving this.
- No.
436
00:22:25,137 --> 00:22:28,256
You never wanted us to be together.
437
00:22:28,299 --> 00:22:31,817
You're very controlling,
and you need to talk about that.
438
00:22:31,862 --> 00:22:33,774
I really don't.
439
00:22:33,823 --> 00:22:36,783
If you stopped talking for a minute,
440
00:22:36,825 --> 00:22:41,856
maybe Jeremy and Simon
wouldn't keep on dumping you.
441
00:22:41,908 --> 00:22:43,821
Brilliant.
442
00:22:43,870 --> 00:22:48,628
Thanks. Thank you very much, Mark.
See you later.
443
00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:52,715
'Great, so I've dumped my sister.
444
00:22:52,756 --> 00:22:56,671
'I'm intrigued to see
what I'm gonna do next.
445
00:22:56,718 --> 00:23:01,033
'Maybe I'll ring up Grandad
and tell him he's a boring twat.'
446
00:23:08,927 --> 00:23:13,560
Paranoia, paranoia
Everybody's coming to get me
447
00:23:13,610 --> 00:23:16,843
Just say you never met me
448
00:23:16,892 --> 00:23:20,250
I'm running underground
with the moles
449
00:23:20,294 --> 00:23:21,887
Digging in holes...
35372
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