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1
00:00:01,927 --> 00:00:04,402
It's not hard. You just grab
a ladder, you grab a trowel
2
00:00:04,427 --> 00:00:05,959
and you scoop the leaves
out of the gutter.
3
00:00:05,983 --> 00:00:07,362
What happens if there are spiders?
4
00:00:07,387 --> 00:00:09,162
You grab some gloves, you snowflake.
5
00:00:09,286 --> 00:00:10,762
Ah. Look, I would do it
6
00:00:10,787 --> 00:00:12,138
but I'm suffering from ankylosing...
7
00:00:12,162 --> 00:00:14,090
Ankylosing spondylitis. Yes, I know.
8
00:00:15,032 --> 00:00:17,661
Look, just get it done
before the rain comes.
9
00:00:18,843 --> 00:00:20,042
Oh, and Flynn...
10
00:00:20,067 --> 00:00:22,385
... if our ladder's not long enough,
just grab the Ballas' ladder.
11
00:00:22,410 --> 00:00:23,620
It's lying next to their house.
12
00:00:23,645 --> 00:00:25,395
Don't ask them, though, 'cause
they won't even know it's gone.
13
00:00:27,338 --> 00:00:28,338
Oh.
14
00:00:28,658 --> 00:00:31,481
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
15
00:00:33,883 --> 00:00:34,965
MAN: Hello, hello, hello.
16
00:00:34,990 --> 00:00:37,479
You're listening to the
History Buffs podcast.
17
00:00:37,504 --> 00:00:40,371
And if you love egg cups
then strap yourselves in,
18
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:42,522
because that's all
we're gonna be discussing
19
00:00:42,547 --> 00:00:44,520
for the next 90 minutes.
20
00:00:44,731 --> 00:00:48,265
Today I'm joined by the
Picasso of egg cup designs,
21
00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:51,195
Mr Vincent Sadella.
Vincent, welcome to the show.
22
00:01:02,249 --> 00:01:03,908
Don't go into the backyard. Snake.
23
00:01:11,769 --> 00:01:12,788
Come on, come on, come on.
24
00:01:13,351 --> 00:01:14,360
WOMAN: City of Fawkner.
25
00:01:14,385 --> 00:01:16,657
- Would you mind holding, please?
- Oh, hi, it's an emergen... cy.
26
00:01:18,547 --> 00:01:19,889
Yes, what department, please?
27
00:01:19,922 --> 00:01:21,026
Oh, hi. Wildlife.
28
00:01:21,142 --> 00:01:22,422
There is no wildlife department.
29
00:01:22,447 --> 00:01:24,926
Look, I need to get a tiger
snake humanely relocated.
30
00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:27,391
- I'll put you through.
- Okay, thank you.
31
00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:29,870
WOMAN: Pet Services.
32
00:01:29,895 --> 00:01:32,493
Yeah, hi, I think I've been put
through to the wrong department.
33
00:01:32,518 --> 00:01:34,483
I have a tiger snake in my backyard.
34
00:01:34,508 --> 00:01:36,002
I need to get it humanely relocated.
35
00:01:36,027 --> 00:01:37,722
I'll transfer you to animal control.
36
00:01:37,747 --> 00:01:39,407
OK, that'd be great. Thank you.
37
00:01:46,629 --> 00:01:47,629
Pet services.
38
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:50,282
Yes, hello, it's still
me with the tiger snake.
39
00:01:50,307 --> 00:01:51,606
- Ugh, hang on.
- [DOOR OPENS]
40
00:01:51,631 --> 00:01:52,680
Thank you.
41
00:01:53,585 --> 00:01:54,696
MAN: Animal control.
42
00:01:55,020 --> 00:01:57,602
Oh, hi. Yes, I have what I think
is a tiger snake in my backyard.
43
00:01:57,627 --> 00:01:59,966
I wanted to see if I could
get it humanely relocated.
44
00:02:00,123 --> 00:02:01,421
No worries. What's the address?
45
00:02:01,446 --> 00:02:02,523
Oh, fantastic.
46
00:02:02,548 --> 00:02:04,664
- It's 7 Bendigo Street.
- [GUNFIRE]
47
00:02:05,691 --> 00:02:06,750
Just hold on.
48
00:02:14,095 --> 00:02:15,095
Got him!
49
00:02:15,866 --> 00:02:17,065
[GASPS]
50
00:02:18,182 --> 00:02:19,361
[VOMITS]
51
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:21,736
Oh, Jesus.
52
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:25,842
What'd you do that for?
53
00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,118
To protect the family.
54
00:02:27,543 --> 00:02:29,999
You just killed a peaceful creature that
55
00:02:30,227 --> 00:02:31,555
meant no-one any harm.
56
00:02:32,383 --> 00:02:33,402
With a gun.
57
00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:35,602
Oi, don't cry, Fin.
58
00:02:35,627 --> 00:02:36,883
You know, it's not actually that easy,
59
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,082
shooting a head off a snake.
60
00:02:38,107 --> 00:02:40,293
If I'm honest, I thought
you might be more impressed.
61
00:02:41,122 --> 00:02:42,162
Where'd the gun come from?
62
00:02:42,187 --> 00:02:43,191
It's mine.
63
00:02:43,628 --> 00:02:45,162
You know I represented
Melbourne Metropolitan
64
00:02:45,187 --> 00:02:46,322
in clay target shooting.
65
00:02:46,347 --> 00:02:48,827
No, I thought you represented
Melbourne Metropolitan in boxing.
66
00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:51,311
Clay target shooting,
boxing, field hockey.
67
00:02:51,427 --> 00:02:53,322
Okay, so all the glamour sports, then.
68
00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:56,324
Which sport did you represent
Melbourne Metropolitan in, Fin?
69
00:02:57,023 --> 00:02:59,347
Hey? Latte sipping? Sit-down pissing?
70
00:02:59,835 --> 00:03:01,214
Crying when the wi-fi goes down?
71
00:03:01,247 --> 00:03:02,247
You cry too.
72
00:03:02,272 --> 00:03:05,362
I cry like a real man
when Collingwood wins,
73
00:03:05,387 --> 00:03:08,316
during the national anthem,
and at the end of Toy Story 3.
74
00:03:08,983 --> 00:03:10,175
Is everything alright?
75
00:03:10,535 --> 00:03:11,557
It is now.
76
00:03:11,582 --> 00:03:13,046
Your dad just murdered a snake.
77
00:03:13,071 --> 00:03:15,002
You can't murder a reptile, you dolt.
78
00:03:15,027 --> 00:03:17,783
I did however just kill the seventh
most deadly snake in the world.
79
00:03:17,808 --> 00:03:19,443
It was just... it was just
minding its own business,
80
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,543
enjoying the sunshine, your
dad shoots its head off.
81
00:03:21,709 --> 00:03:23,122
- Wow, its head?
- Yes.
82
00:03:23,147 --> 00:03:24,793
- Yep.
- From what range?
83
00:03:24,947 --> 00:03:26,026
10 metres.
84
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:27,286
Not bad.
85
00:03:27,311 --> 00:03:28,394
- Thank you.
- What?
86
00:03:28,419 --> 00:03:30,122
- That's...
- I thought you loved animals.
87
00:03:30,147 --> 00:03:31,674
I do. But you have to admit,
88
00:03:31,699 --> 00:03:33,463
- that is an amazing shot.
- Good shot.
89
00:03:33,488 --> 00:03:35,402
Wait, did you know that
there was a gun in the house?
90
00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:38,988
No. I thought he was
gonna put it into storage.
91
00:03:39,463 --> 00:03:41,557
I was, yes. And then
I thought to myself,
92
00:03:41,582 --> 00:03:44,408
"Hang about, what if there's an
intruder? Who's gonna protect you?"
93
00:03:44,433 --> 00:03:45,722
- I don't need protection.
- Fin?
94
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:47,549
What's Fin gonna do, smash
an avocado in his face?
95
00:03:47,574 --> 00:03:50,162
Hang on, last time we went toe
to toe, you came off second best.
96
00:03:50,187 --> 00:03:51,855
You threw a lucky punch
97
00:03:52,088 --> 00:03:54,175
at a gentleman with
ankylosing spondylitis.
98
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:55,442
Wow, you've made it to five o'clock
99
00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:57,003
without mentioning
ankylosing spondylitis.
100
00:03:57,027 --> 00:03:58,557
- I owe you a beer.
- Fin!
101
00:03:58,582 --> 00:03:59,832
Be careful, snowflake.
102
00:03:59,981 --> 00:04:04,041
You are getting lippy with
a sharpshooter holding a .22.
103
00:04:04,066 --> 00:04:05,446
- Dad!
- Go on, do it.
104
00:04:05,571 --> 00:04:07,900
Do it. That way we'll get you out
of the house for 10 to 15 years.
105
00:04:07,925 --> 00:04:09,253
- Stop provoking him
- No, I'm sorry.
106
00:04:09,278 --> 00:04:10,278
As far as I'm concerned,
107
00:04:10,299 --> 00:04:12,979
either your dad's gun goes,
or he goes with the gun.
108
00:04:13,004 --> 00:04:14,611
So, either way, no guns.
109
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,119
And preferably, no Mr
Black, if I'm being honest.
110
00:04:18,458 --> 00:04:20,377
Well, I don't want any guns here either.
111
00:04:21,012 --> 00:04:22,189
And there it is.
112
00:04:22,909 --> 00:04:25,580
I nurse you as a baby,
I wipe your bottom,
113
00:04:25,605 --> 00:04:28,174
I put you through school,
I get you off heroin.
114
00:04:28,293 --> 00:04:30,322
I put in a good word for you at The Post
115
00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:32,562
and now you're gonna side
with your dickhead boyfriend
116
00:04:32,587 --> 00:04:33,766
who wants me out.
117
00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:35,442
This is not about siding with anyone,
118
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,106
it's about not wanting
guns in the house.
119
00:04:37,455 --> 00:04:38,563
- Well...
- Shit!
120
00:04:38,588 --> 00:04:40,886
Oh, settle down, snowflake.
121
00:04:41,173 --> 00:04:42,564
It's not even loaded.
122
00:04:42,865 --> 00:04:45,197
I used all my ammunition on the snake
123
00:04:45,222 --> 00:04:46,798
I was trying to protect you from.
124
00:04:48,858 --> 00:04:49,858
Unbelievable.
125
00:04:50,968 --> 00:04:51,978
Bloody...
126
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:57,986
The gun or me.
127
00:05:05,536 --> 00:05:07,122
[GROANS] Bastard.
128
00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:08,147
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
129
00:05:08,172 --> 00:05:09,562
It's not a good time, love.
130
00:05:09,587 --> 00:05:12,306
Come on, just give me the gun. Please!
131
00:05:12,570 --> 00:05:14,469
The storage place is on my way to work.
132
00:05:14,494 --> 00:05:16,882
Sorry, no-one's going
anywhere with my gun.
133
00:05:16,907 --> 00:05:19,442
Dad, this is our house, our rules.
134
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:21,244
No firearms, okay?
135
00:05:22,627 --> 00:05:26,220
But for starters,
it's firearm, singular.
136
00:05:26,587 --> 00:05:28,322
Secondly, we used to
have guns in the house
137
00:05:28,347 --> 00:05:30,746
when you were a little girl
and you used to love them.
138
00:05:30,887 --> 00:05:33,802
Third, as the only male in the
house it's my job to protect you.
139
00:05:33,827 --> 00:05:35,922
Dad, there have been multiple instances
140
00:05:35,947 --> 00:05:38,002
of people being disarmed by intruders
141
00:05:38,027 --> 00:05:39,572
and then shot with their own guns.
142
00:05:39,597 --> 00:05:40,633
Fake news.
143
00:05:40,658 --> 00:05:42,453
It happened in Hawthorn last week.
144
00:05:42,478 --> 00:05:43,763
If you read The Post
you'd know about it.
145
00:05:43,787 --> 00:05:46,431
No offense, love, but that paper's
gone to the dogs since I left.
146
00:05:46,823 --> 00:05:49,664
And I'm not about to be disarmed
by a drug-addled intruder, am I?
147
00:05:49,689 --> 00:05:51,626
I mean, who do you think I am? Fin?
148
00:05:53,076 --> 00:05:55,484
Look, Dad, Fin's made you pancakes.
149
00:05:55,509 --> 00:05:57,686
We know how much you love
your Saturday morning pancakes.
150
00:05:57,772 --> 00:06:00,119
I'm not a fan of your pancakes,
mate. Too floury.
151
00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:01,928
And it's not even Saturday.
152
00:06:03,603 --> 00:06:05,598
Alright. Well, we'll
chuck 'em in the bin, then.
153
00:06:05,623 --> 00:06:06,787
No, I'll eat them.
154
00:06:07,437 --> 00:06:08,568
Reluctantly.
155
00:06:08,861 --> 00:06:10,271
Well, we'll need to come in.
156
00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,322
No. No, no.
157
00:06:12,347 --> 00:06:15,318
Just leave them at the door and then...
158
00:06:15,860 --> 00:06:17,479
... everybody step away.
159
00:06:17,706 --> 00:06:18,962
Dad, just let me take the gun.
160
00:06:18,987 --> 00:06:20,566
I said step away.
161
00:06:23,363 --> 00:06:25,224
Go on. Back, back.
162
00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:27,639
Back it up. Keep going, please.
163
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:29,998
Back it up.
164
00:06:35,087 --> 00:06:37,029
Go! Go! Go, go, go!
165
00:06:40,460 --> 00:06:42,123
Okay, then, I'm off.
166
00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:44,646
Dad, it would be great
if the gun was in storage
167
00:06:44,671 --> 00:06:46,250
by the time I got back.
168
00:06:46,547 --> 00:06:48,949
And can you please do
something about that poor snake?
169
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:51,021
I don't want it decomposing on the lawn.
170
00:06:51,627 --> 00:06:54,889
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
171
00:06:56,258 --> 00:06:57,568
- What did he say?
- I...
172
00:07:11,912 --> 00:07:14,267
Those police round
stories you did last night
173
00:07:14,292 --> 00:07:16,021
are still doing very good business.
174
00:07:16,262 --> 00:07:18,147
Second most popular story of the day
175
00:07:18,172 --> 00:07:19,628
was the croc that escaped from the zoo
176
00:07:19,652 --> 00:07:21,365
and was roaming the
streets of Parkville.
177
00:07:21,597 --> 00:07:22,867
So, congrats on that.
178
00:07:22,892 --> 00:07:24,560
- I'm blushing. Thank you, boss.
- Thank you.
179
00:07:24,666 --> 00:07:26,867
But by far the most popular story
180
00:07:26,892 --> 00:07:29,611
was the Two Dead In Bendigo Siege.
181
00:07:29,732 --> 00:07:33,837
Absolute cracker. 2,000
shares just on Facebook.
182
00:07:34,189 --> 00:07:37,524
If I had a criticism, and,
look, it'd just be a small one,
183
00:07:37,549 --> 00:07:40,064
it'd be that there was
only one person dead.
184
00:07:40,808 --> 00:07:43,187
One of the guys you reported
as dead rang this morning,
185
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,627
said he's very much alive
186
00:07:44,652 --> 00:07:47,220
and was shopping at Coles
at the time of the siege.
187
00:07:47,773 --> 00:07:50,187
Now, unfortunately,
both stories were filed
188
00:07:50,212 --> 00:07:52,196
from the generic police rounds logging.
189
00:07:52,342 --> 00:07:54,501
So, I'm just going to
ask you two point blank,
190
00:07:54,756 --> 00:07:57,126
which one of you geniuses wrote it?
191
00:07:57,423 --> 00:07:58,882
- Angela.
- What?!
192
00:07:58,983 --> 00:08:00,267
Sorry. I could just...
193
00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,634
... no, I could tell that you weren't
gonna own up to it, so I...
194
00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:04,307
That's because I didn't write it.
195
00:08:04,332 --> 00:08:06,454
I was on the croc
story, as you well know.
196
00:08:06,479 --> 00:08:07,778
Oh, Ange.
197
00:08:08,149 --> 00:08:09,645
You're just digging yourself in deeper.
198
00:08:09,692 --> 00:08:11,431
Well we're gonna need to
get to the bottom of this.
199
00:08:11,565 --> 00:08:14,564
And by the close of play
tomorrow, one of you will be fired.
200
00:08:14,783 --> 00:08:15,971
Sorry, Angela.
201
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:18,142
I had nothing to do
with the Bendigo story.
202
00:08:18,426 --> 00:08:20,665
Ange, Thomas doesn't make stuff up.
203
00:08:20,852 --> 00:08:23,067
Plus, his headlines are glorious!
204
00:08:23,092 --> 00:08:25,367
What's the one with the rugby
player and the prostitute?
205
00:08:25,392 --> 00:08:27,631
- Here We Ho Again.
- Here We Ho Again.
206
00:08:27,656 --> 00:08:29,751
How do you...? It's just brilliant.
207
00:08:29,892 --> 00:08:31,631
- Excuse me.
- Yeah, go.
208
00:08:31,656 --> 00:08:34,507
Where do you find your inspiration
for these sort of things?
209
00:08:34,532 --> 00:08:36,187
Creativity comes and it strikes,
210
00:08:36,212 --> 00:08:37,790
and I take the opportunity
and ride with it.
211
00:08:37,815 --> 00:08:39,369
See, I can't do that. That's a gift.
212
00:08:42,572 --> 00:08:44,827
Do you remember demanding
that I write the croc story
213
00:08:44,852 --> 00:08:46,067
because it's human interest
214
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,189
and women are great at
writing human interest?
215
00:08:48,508 --> 00:08:51,307
No. No, but women are great
at writing human interest.
216
00:08:51,332 --> 00:08:53,027
We're also great at writing crime.
217
00:08:53,052 --> 00:08:56,107
IE, we don't place people at
a crime scene and kill them off
218
00:08:56,132 --> 00:08:57,551
when they're actually at Coles.
219
00:08:57,628 --> 00:08:58,736
Apparently you do.
220
00:08:58,761 --> 00:09:00,736
Why not tell the editor the truth?
221
00:09:00,797 --> 00:09:03,181
Angela, I'm not gonna
take the hit for you, okay?
222
00:09:03,534 --> 00:09:07,181
I just put a down
payment on a Vespa 946.
223
00:09:08,050 --> 00:09:10,845
Yeah, I'm gonna be the
Vespa guy around here.
224
00:09:11,094 --> 00:09:13,478
And you are not gonna
take that away from me.
225
00:09:14,181 --> 00:09:15,439
The Vespa guy?
226
00:09:15,829 --> 00:09:17,688
What lad mag told you that was a thing?
227
00:09:17,713 --> 00:09:19,783
It is a thing, and I'm it.
228
00:09:20,347 --> 00:09:22,509
And you can just get your dad
to get you a job somewhere else.
229
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:25,783
Just because you haven't seen
your dad since you were five.
230
00:09:25,839 --> 00:09:27,587
I'll have you know he got
in contact with me recently
231
00:09:27,612 --> 00:09:29,939
'cause he needs a kidney.
232
00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:35,119
[GRUNTS]
233
00:09:40,132 --> 00:09:43,347
Hey. The Ballas' alarm
went off four times today.
234
00:09:43,372 --> 00:09:45,188
[GROANS] When are they
gonna do something about it?
235
00:09:45,212 --> 00:09:47,376
Yeah. Hey, I got your text about Tom.
236
00:09:47,401 --> 00:09:48,478
Is there anything I can do?
237
00:09:49,303 --> 00:09:50,353
I'm okay.
238
00:09:50,639 --> 00:09:52,347
Well, I'm sure the only man in the house
239
00:09:52,372 --> 00:09:54,027
would be more than happy to shoot him
240
00:09:54,052 --> 00:09:55,376
if that's a path you wanted to go down.
241
00:09:56,367 --> 00:09:58,506
The editor has no respect
for good reporting.
242
00:09:58,639 --> 00:10:01,939
She just prefers Tom because
of his stupid pun headlines.
243
00:10:03,039 --> 00:10:05,915
Hey, guys. I'm gonna have a
little ceremony for the snake,
244
00:10:06,376 --> 00:10:07,715
if you care to join me.
245
00:10:15,277 --> 00:10:17,376
Come on, it's his way of saying sorry.
246
00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:19,667
[SIGHS] Well, we don't know
what 'ceremony' means yet.
247
00:10:19,692 --> 00:10:21,751
There might be candles
and a pentagram out there.
248
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:30,494
God of love and mercy,
249
00:10:31,212 --> 00:10:32,294
bless this little bugger.
250
00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:33,639
He copped a bullet in the head...
251
00:10:34,751 --> 00:10:37,267
... from a range of 10 metres,
which I don't need to tell you,
252
00:10:37,653 --> 00:10:40,392
it's not an easy shot
with a moving target.
253
00:10:41,414 --> 00:10:43,025
Accept him into your kingdom, and...
254
00:10:43,689 --> 00:10:46,337
count him among your saints in heaven.
255
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:50,415
And while I'm here, look, God...
256
00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:52,454
... I'm sorry for being so tough on Fin.
257
00:10:52,479 --> 00:10:54,267
I only want the very
best for my daughter
258
00:10:54,292 --> 00:10:56,947
and I probably set the
bar a little bit too high.
259
00:10:56,972 --> 00:11:00,067
So, if you can't do anything
about making Fin a better man
260
00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:02,704
or even a more manly man...
261
00:11:03,972 --> 00:11:08,118
... I ask you to teach me to
graciously lower my standards,
262
00:11:08,891 --> 00:11:10,907
through Christ our Lord, amen.
263
00:11:11,830 --> 00:11:13,157
- Amen.
- Amen.
264
00:11:14,110 --> 00:11:15,409
That was lovely, Dad.
265
00:11:15,434 --> 00:11:17,173
Yeah, apart from the defamatory stuff.
266
00:11:17,398 --> 00:11:21,188
And thank you for burying
the snake. That means a lot.
267
00:11:21,899 --> 00:11:23,147
And, look, I want you both to know,
268
00:11:23,172 --> 00:11:24,985
I have decided I'm going
to put the gun into storage.
269
00:11:25,230 --> 00:11:26,230
Oh, great.
270
00:11:26,255 --> 00:11:28,474
On one condition
that you both accompany me
271
00:11:28,746 --> 00:11:31,298
down to the indoor rifle
range in the morning.
272
00:11:31,772 --> 00:11:34,631
I just want you to both
experience the sport for yourselves
273
00:11:34,656 --> 00:11:38,173
so you don't see me as
some crazy old gun guy.
274
00:11:38,563 --> 00:11:40,190
- Oh, we're not interested.
- Okay, we'll do it.
275
00:11:40,215 --> 00:11:42,121
- Sure. Fine. Yep.
- Thought you might. Yeah.
276
00:11:42,816 --> 00:11:45,465
Hey, Fin, have you ever fired a gun?
277
00:11:46,551 --> 00:11:48,214
It depends whether you
count Nerf guns or not.
278
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:49,830
I don't.
279
00:11:51,539 --> 00:11:54,113
I hope you don't embarrass
yourself and Angela goes off you.
280
00:11:55,398 --> 00:11:57,590
She was an excellent shooter as a child.
281
00:12:11,418 --> 00:12:12,863
[GUNSHOT]
282
00:12:15,348 --> 00:12:16,847
[CLEARS THROAT]
283
00:12:16,948 --> 00:12:18,127
Lovely.
284
00:12:18,228 --> 00:12:19,407
Mm.
285
00:12:24,850 --> 00:12:26,027
- [GUNSHOT]
- Oh!
286
00:12:28,724 --> 00:12:29,923
[GUNSHOT]
287
00:12:29,948 --> 00:12:31,058
Yes.
288
00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:34,738
[GUNSHOT]
289
00:12:37,163 --> 00:12:40,668
Alright, let's see if all
that Nerf training's paid off.
290
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:43,355
Let's see if you've got the Nerf.
291
00:12:44,874 --> 00:12:45,973
[CLEARS THROAT]
292
00:12:45,998 --> 00:12:47,277
You'll be great, babe.
293
00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:56,283
- [GUNSHOT]
- Ow!
294
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,407
God! Oh, are you alright?
295
00:12:57,432 --> 00:12:58,994
Yeah, I think it... I can taste blood.
296
00:12:59,019 --> 00:13:01,307
Okay. Oh, gosh.
297
00:13:01,332 --> 00:13:02,972
- Here, toss it to me.
- Take the gun, take the gun.
298
00:13:03,459 --> 00:13:05,363
- Let's get you a tissue.
- Am I bleeding?
299
00:13:05,388 --> 00:13:06,746
- I can taste blood.
- Just a little bit.
300
00:13:06,771 --> 00:13:08,457
- Just a little bit. It's okay.
- Oh, this is ridiculous.
301
00:13:08,482 --> 00:13:10,083
So, if Thomas doesn't get uncovered
302
00:13:10,108 --> 00:13:12,963
as the dirty little liar that
he is, who's gonna miss out?
303
00:13:12,988 --> 00:13:15,035
Yeah, Angela, my Angela. Right.
304
00:13:15,060 --> 00:13:18,243
So, somehow we've gotta
let the editor know
305
00:13:18,268 --> 00:13:20,097
that it was Tom who wrote the article.
306
00:13:20,731 --> 00:13:22,390
And by we, I mean you.
307
00:13:24,941 --> 00:13:26,363
That was fun.
308
00:13:26,388 --> 00:13:27,927
You were superb.
309
00:13:27,952 --> 00:13:29,403
Yeah. Can we go now?
310
00:13:29,428 --> 00:13:31,363
Think I'm getting a
testosterone headache.
311
00:13:31,388 --> 00:13:33,668
It'll pass as soon as the
oestrogen kicks back in.
312
00:13:34,141 --> 00:13:36,996
Warren just asked me to compete
in the pennant competition.
313
00:13:37,728 --> 00:13:39,763
But, babe, I thought you
were gonna take up bouldering.
314
00:13:39,788 --> 00:13:41,083
I know it sounds dumb
315
00:13:41,108 --> 00:13:43,163
but this whole Tom
thing's really affected me
316
00:13:43,188 --> 00:13:45,643
and this seems to be the
best way to let off steam.
317
00:13:45,668 --> 00:13:49,801
What? How does that let
off more steam than... that?
318
00:13:50,348 --> 00:13:52,167
Okay, it's not... it's not that.
319
00:13:52,192 --> 00:13:54,551
It's... [MIMICS GUNSHOT] that.
320
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,910
Tell me, honestly, am I losing you?
321
00:13:58,149 --> 00:13:59,472
Of course not.
322
00:13:59,950 --> 00:14:02,403
I just think shooting's
a part of who I am.
323
00:14:02,428 --> 00:14:05,668
Just like a part of who you are
is matching wines to TV shows.
324
00:14:07,237 --> 00:14:09,277
Alright. Well, as long as we
don't keep the gun in the house.
325
00:14:09,819 --> 00:14:10,819
Hmm...
326
00:14:11,397 --> 00:14:14,644
I do think it'd be more convenient
if we kept it in the house.
327
00:14:15,028 --> 00:14:17,403
Sorry, babe. I just don't have
to go all the way to Coburg
328
00:14:17,428 --> 00:14:19,004
to get it when I want to go to the range
329
00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:21,244
and then have to bring it all
the way back again afterwards.
330
00:14:21,268 --> 00:14:22,683
Don't they hire out guns here?
331
00:14:22,708 --> 00:14:24,388
- Not very good ones.
- No, not very good ones.
332
00:14:24,428 --> 00:14:26,083
But what about the multiple instances
333
00:14:26,108 --> 00:14:28,284
of people with guns in the
house being disarmed by intruders
334
00:14:28,308 --> 00:14:29,887
and then shot with their own guns?
335
00:14:30,156 --> 00:14:31,335
I think Dad's right.
336
00:14:31,366 --> 00:14:34,143
We're very strong shooters
so that's unlikely to happen.
337
00:14:34,168 --> 00:14:36,084
No, it's not about... it's not
about how well you can shoot,
338
00:14:36,108 --> 00:14:37,604
it's about how well you
can hold onto your gun
339
00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,410
when some thug is trying
to wrestle it off you.
340
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:41,883
I'd shoot them before the wrestle began.
341
00:14:41,908 --> 00:14:44,726
And I represented Melbourne
Metropolitan in boxing, so...
342
00:14:45,804 --> 00:14:47,498
Alright, alright. Well,
can I just go on record
343
00:14:47,523 --> 00:14:50,207
as not being comfortable
with this situation at all?
344
00:14:50,308 --> 00:14:51,343
Absolutely.
345
00:14:51,477 --> 00:14:52,736
How about we do it for now
346
00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:56,083
and then if you still don't like
it in a month's time we'll reassess?
347
00:14:56,108 --> 00:14:57,390
Sounds great. Let's go.
348
00:14:57,773 --> 00:14:58,922
[CLEARS THROAT]
349
00:15:06,378 --> 00:15:07,437
[PHONE RINGS]
350
00:15:08,264 --> 00:15:09,563
- Diana Robson.
- MAN: Ah, yes.
351
00:15:09,588 --> 00:15:11,043
Hi, this is Paul Hasting.
352
00:15:11,068 --> 00:15:12,923
Ah, you're quoted in the siege story.
353
00:15:12,948 --> 00:15:14,140
Misquoted.
354
00:15:14,210 --> 00:15:17,640
Yes, Thomas Dunn misquoted me
and I would like an apology.
355
00:15:18,422 --> 00:15:19,723
Well, firstly, you're lying.
356
00:15:19,748 --> 00:15:22,243
Thomas Dunn didn't write
that piece, Angela Black did.
357
00:15:22,268 --> 00:15:25,727
Well, the reporter was male and
he said his name was Thomas Dunn.
358
00:15:25,789 --> 00:15:28,828
Bit hard to hear over the
shooting and the screaming, no?
359
00:15:28,853 --> 00:15:30,603
Oh, no, no. No, I could
very clearly hear...
360
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:33,124
Why don't you put your complaint
in writing and we'll follow it up?
361
00:15:33,148 --> 00:15:34,320
Okay?
362
00:15:35,103 --> 00:15:36,103
Hello?
363
00:15:37,077 --> 00:15:40,076
Um, yep. No, that's...
that is good news, really,
364
00:15:40,101 --> 00:15:41,923
that you are agreeing to
definitely follow that up
365
00:15:41,948 --> 00:15:44,132
because, as I said,
the reporter was To...
366
00:15:44,157 --> 00:15:45,847
[PHONE RINGS]
367
00:15:48,997 --> 00:15:49,997
Hello?
368
00:15:51,191 --> 00:15:53,730
Oh, no, the snake went away
on its own accord. Thank you.
369
00:15:56,398 --> 00:15:58,567
[LAUGHTER FROM VIDEO ON COMPUTER]
370
00:15:58,592 --> 00:16:00,243
I just had a call from a guy
371
00:16:00,268 --> 00:16:02,803
saying you misquoted
him in the siege story.
372
00:16:02,828 --> 00:16:03,828
Really?
373
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:06,843
He seemed quite confident it
was you who interviewed him
374
00:16:06,868 --> 00:16:08,015
and not Angela.
375
00:16:08,828 --> 00:16:12,117
Well, I mean, come on. He's
obviously a lying nut case.
376
00:16:12,828 --> 00:16:14,367
That's exactly what I said.
377
00:16:14,392 --> 00:16:15,406
Right?
378
00:16:15,988 --> 00:16:19,382
Some Bendigo mouth breather
looking for his 15 minutes.
379
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:23,734
Aren't you from Bendigo?
380
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:25,398
Don't hate me 'cause you ain't me.
381
00:16:26,414 --> 00:16:27,420
- ANGELA: Hey, Tom.
- Yeah?
382
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:28,484
Check this out.
383
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,723
I was just looking at the Two
Dead In Bendigo Siege story...
384
00:16:31,748 --> 00:16:32,748
Yep.
385
00:16:32,788 --> 00:16:35,527
... and the author wrote the
hostages were on 'tenderhooks'.
386
00:16:37,718 --> 00:16:39,563
Well, it would've been a
pretty stressful situation.
387
00:16:39,588 --> 00:16:41,007
Oh, I agree.
388
00:16:41,032 --> 00:16:42,923
Except the word's 'tenterhooks'.
389
00:16:42,948 --> 00:16:44,164
And the fact that you didn't know that
390
00:16:44,188 --> 00:16:46,929
means that you wrote
the story and not me.
391
00:16:47,744 --> 00:16:49,923
No, that would've been one
of the... one of the subs.
392
00:16:49,948 --> 00:16:52,593
At that time of the night we're
the ones who press 'publish'.
393
00:16:53,628 --> 00:16:55,773
Please just tell the editor the truth.
394
00:16:56,236 --> 00:16:57,679
Look, I've got a lunch appointment.
395
00:16:58,888 --> 00:17:00,724
Can't you just be a good
sport and take the hit for me?
396
00:17:00,748 --> 00:17:01,820
Come on. Pretty please?
397
00:17:02,197 --> 00:17:03,202
Thank you.
398
00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:04,655
Happy birthday, Sue.
399
00:17:08,165 --> 00:17:09,937
RECORDING: Can't you just be a
good sport and take the hit for me?
400
00:17:12,628 --> 00:17:14,487
Aren't you a bad-ass!
401
00:17:14,588 --> 00:17:16,336
Don't you dare say anything.
402
00:17:16,892 --> 00:17:20,070
Anyway, it's not from me
it's from The Real Ita Buttrose.
403
00:17:26,173 --> 00:17:28,321
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
- DIANA: Oh, come in.
404
00:17:29,767 --> 00:17:32,007
I would like to sincerely apologise.
405
00:17:32,032 --> 00:17:34,734
It's been confirmed that
it was in fact Thomas
406
00:17:34,759 --> 00:17:37,126
that wrote the siege story,
so you're off the hook.
407
00:17:37,384 --> 00:17:39,109
I'm just relieved the truth came out.
408
00:17:39,134 --> 00:17:40,681
Yeah, it was really weird.
409
00:17:40,706 --> 00:17:43,695
Someone called The Real Ita
Buttrose sent me a recording
410
00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,415
of Thomas admitting
to writing the article.
411
00:17:46,904 --> 00:17:48,479
That's amazing.
412
00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:52,079
And in a nod to how big a fan
The Real Ida Buttrose is of yours,
413
00:17:52,104 --> 00:17:54,919
she said if I didn't make
you a full-time crime reporter
414
00:17:54,944 --> 00:17:56,829
she'd send the tapes to Media Watch.
415
00:17:57,023 --> 00:17:58,023
Huh!
416
00:17:58,048 --> 00:18:00,579
You have no idea who The
Real Ida Buttrose is, do you?
417
00:18:01,199 --> 00:18:02,199
No idea.
418
00:18:02,224 --> 00:18:05,919
Haven't seen a regal 76-year-old
woman loitering in the newsroom,
419
00:18:05,944 --> 00:18:07,696
telling Kerry Packer stories?
420
00:18:08,140 --> 00:18:09,359
I mean, maybe.
421
00:18:09,384 --> 00:18:10,443
Anyway, it worked.
422
00:18:10,553 --> 00:18:13,639
You're now our new crime
reporter, so congratulations.
423
00:18:13,664 --> 00:18:14,759
Yay!
424
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:17,959
Obviously, I wish my appointment
hadn't come via blackmail,
425
00:18:17,984 --> 00:18:19,907
but I promise you won't regret it.
426
00:18:20,494 --> 00:18:23,919
Oh, another one of The
Real Ita Buttrose's demands
427
00:18:23,944 --> 00:18:27,454
was that we keep Thomas on staff
because she really likes his puns.
428
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:30,710
Are you... are you sure The
Real Ita Buttrose said that?
429
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,159
It just doesn't sound like her.
430
00:18:32,184 --> 00:18:34,392
I'm sorry, my hands are tied.
431
00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:36,239
You'll have to take up any grievances
432
00:18:36,264 --> 00:18:38,282
with The Real Ita Buttrose.
433
00:18:42,834 --> 00:18:46,085
So, to Angela for being
appointed crime reporter,
434
00:18:46,110 --> 00:18:47,963
the most prestigious
job at any newspaper.
435
00:18:48,189 --> 00:18:49,888
- To Ang...
- And for stopping...
436
00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:55,138
... for stopping the PC warriors
from taking away our guns.
437
00:18:55,639 --> 00:18:56,639
To my Angela.
438
00:18:56,664 --> 00:18:58,599
- To our Angela. To our Angela.
- My little Angela.
439
00:18:58,624 --> 00:19:00,304
Thanks, guys.
440
00:19:00,660 --> 00:19:02,199
Now, if you'll excuse me,
441
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:05,664
that New Zealand/Sri Lanka
ODI is not gonna watch itself.
442
00:19:08,784 --> 00:19:11,759
Well, loath as I am
to blow my own trumpet,
443
00:19:11,784 --> 00:19:14,883
I may have had a little something
to do with you being reinstated.
444
00:19:15,024 --> 00:19:16,159
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
445
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:18,159
- I'm intrigued.
- Yeah, I rang the editor
446
00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:20,360
pretending to be one of the
people mentioned in the siege story
447
00:19:20,384 --> 00:19:23,359
and complained that I'd been
misquoted by a Thomas Dunn.
448
00:19:23,384 --> 00:19:25,360
- And what did the editor say?
- Nothing, she'd hung up.
449
00:19:25,384 --> 00:19:28,319
But I think the message got
through because you got reinstated.
450
00:19:28,344 --> 00:19:29,439
Thanks so much, babe.
451
00:19:29,464 --> 00:19:31,203
- Ah, you're welcome.
- [SIRENS WAIL]
452
00:19:31,228 --> 00:19:32,899
That thing is still going off.
453
00:19:32,924 --> 00:19:35,829
Dr Balla reckons the repair guy's
looked at it three times now.
454
00:19:36,433 --> 00:19:37,813
So, when do you start the new round?
455
00:19:38,221 --> 00:19:40,563
I'm meeting with the
cops on Monday morning
456
00:19:40,688 --> 00:19:42,799
and then I'm officially
a police rounds person.
457
00:19:42,824 --> 00:19:45,159
Ah, babe, I'm so proud of you.
458
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,479
Now that I've got my dream job,
459
00:19:46,504 --> 00:19:48,639
I don't feel the urge to
shoot at targets anymore.
460
00:19:48,664 --> 00:19:50,503
Oh, praise the Lord.
461
00:19:52,460 --> 00:19:53,790
Holy shit. Fin.
462
00:20:01,027 --> 00:20:02,423
Okay, okay.
463
00:20:03,311 --> 00:20:04,311
Police.
464
00:20:05,233 --> 00:20:06,813
I need to report a break-in.
465
00:20:07,304 --> 00:20:09,110
7 Bendigo Street, Balaclava.
466
00:20:09,624 --> 00:20:11,000
Please, hurry, hurry, hurry, please.
467
00:20:11,024 --> 00:20:13,415
- Yoink! Up against the wall!
- Jesus!
468
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:17,259
Now, don't move, you won't get hurt.
469
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:19,352
Alright, we're not doing
anything. Just keep your hair on.
470
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:21,547
What are you incinerating?
471
00:20:21,824 --> 00:20:25,121
It's "What are you
insinuating", you bald idiot.
472
00:20:26,884 --> 00:20:28,963
Yeah, put the bloody bat down.
473
00:20:28,988 --> 00:20:32,324
Good girl. Ground your
bat. There's a girl.
474
00:20:33,584 --> 00:20:34,808
There you go.
475
00:20:34,833 --> 00:20:36,613
- [GUNSHOT]
- [YELLS]
476
00:20:36,975 --> 00:20:38,738
Oh! You!
477
00:20:40,080 --> 00:20:41,279
Ladies and gentlemen,
478
00:20:41,304 --> 00:20:43,359
if you would kindly
move into the lounge.
479
00:20:43,384 --> 00:20:45,083
[GROANS]
480
00:20:45,108 --> 00:20:46,199
Alright. Go, go, go.
481
00:20:46,224 --> 00:20:47,371
Wait. Oi!
482
00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:50,746
[MOANS]
483
00:20:51,324 --> 00:20:52,566
Watch the head.
484
00:20:58,340 --> 00:20:59,949
- This is exactly what...
- No.
485
00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:01,159
- It's quite different.
- How?
486
00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:02,560
It's quite different than what you said.
487
00:21:02,584 --> 00:21:05,239
He's holding a gun. Your
gun. I can't believe it.
488
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:06,863
You never mentioned a bald man.
489
00:21:08,171 --> 00:21:09,470
Let's go.
490
00:21:13,759 --> 00:21:16,269
- [SIREN WAILS]
- OFFICER: Drop the bag!
491
00:21:16,653 --> 00:21:20,160
And you, sir, place the
weapon on the ground slowly.
492
00:21:20,324 --> 00:21:22,883
Okay. It's not even mine.
493
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:24,699
It's old mate's on the couch.
494
00:21:28,903 --> 00:21:30,223
Whose firearm is this?
495
00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:32,711
- Me.
- Licence?
496
00:21:33,304 --> 00:21:35,719
No, I've been... I've
been shot in my foot.
497
00:21:35,744 --> 00:21:37,476
Can I have your licence, please, sir?
498
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,101
No, I actually think I'm
going into shock here.
499
00:21:40,567 --> 00:21:41,999
Licence, please, sir.
500
00:21:42,024 --> 00:21:43,440
Just tell me where it
is. I'll go grab it.
501
00:21:43,464 --> 00:21:47,119
It's... it's just in the... Ah, shit.
502
00:21:47,144 --> 00:21:48,148
Dad?
503
00:21:48,929 --> 00:21:50,468
Oh, Jesus.
504
00:21:54,384 --> 00:21:55,620
[BULLET CLATTERS ON THE FLOOR]
505
00:21:56,260 --> 00:21:58,058
It passed between his toes.
506
00:21:59,764 --> 00:22:01,723
Dad, you're okay! It missed you.
507
00:22:01,824 --> 00:22:03,363
Licence, please, sir.
508
00:22:06,250 --> 00:22:08,359
- Not current.
- [BOTH SIGH]
509
00:22:08,384 --> 00:22:10,443
Sir, you've breached the
Control of Weapons Act
510
00:22:10,639 --> 00:22:13,119
and we will have to take this
weapon away until further notice.
511
00:22:13,144 --> 00:22:14,879
You can expect to be
charged and summons.
512
00:22:14,904 --> 00:22:16,079
Nanny state.
513
00:22:16,104 --> 00:22:17,300
Thank you, Sergeant.
514
00:22:19,224 --> 00:22:21,803
So, that's it, Dad.
No guns in the house.
515
00:22:21,904 --> 00:22:23,403
You don't have a licence.
516
00:22:23,560 --> 00:22:25,534
The literal irony of the situation.
517
00:22:25,559 --> 00:22:26,600
You know, I think my favourite bit
518
00:22:26,624 --> 00:22:28,359
was when you gave the intruders a gun.
519
00:22:28,384 --> 00:22:29,759
A loaded one too.
520
00:22:29,784 --> 00:22:30,800
Shut it.
521
00:22:32,071 --> 00:22:34,339
If I had a gun right now
I'd shoot both of you.
522
00:22:35,744 --> 00:22:37,628
Looks like I've got
my first crime story.
523
00:22:37,653 --> 00:22:40,279
I just don't know if my headline
should be The Quick And The Dad,
524
00:22:40,304 --> 00:22:42,079
or Night Of The Living Dad.
525
00:22:42,104 --> 00:22:44,534
Oh, both so good!
It's really hard to say.
526
00:22:44,816 --> 00:22:48,216
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie
www.addic7ed.com
40034
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