All language subtitles for Life in Pieces s04e07_English

♪

This is a really big moment,
all right?

We've been waiting for this
moment for a long time, right?

I mean, you're gonna
finally meet

your baby sister
for the first time.

You know,

her name is Talia Collins Short,

and she's gonna be
in your life forever.

Oh, boy.

And-and she's gonna
look up to you,

and she's gonna want
to hold your hand,

you know, even when you're 80.

You'll be just two old ladies
who hold hands

and watch sunsets together.

Doesn't that sound nice?

Can I push the buttons?

Yeah, fine. Go for it.

Knock yourself out.

[sniffles, clears throat]

[phone vibrating]

Come on.

-GREG: Hey, honey.
-Are you guys here?

Oh, I can't wait
for the girls to meet.

Yeah, I know.
Can you believe it?

We're a family of four.

Now we can each be one of our
kids' favorites. [chuckles]

Well, that's not
necessarily true.

-Well...
-Hey, did you put Lark

in that special dress?

Yep, and, uh, I've got the gift

from her to the baby,
the gift from the baby to her,

the gift from me to you
and nothing for me.

So, everyone's taken care of.

You're doing a great job, honey.

-Thanks. You know,
I know they say
-[elevator bell dings]

going from one kid to two
is hard,

but I'm gonna be honest,
so far, so good.

I'll see you in a second.

No, Lark! No!

Lark! No.

Come on.

Do you know where
the burn unit is?

I can't help you.
I'm sorry.

Jerk.

Lark! Lark!
[grunts]

[elevator bell dings]

That's not good.

Officer. Officer,
I-I lost my kid.

She's, uh, four years old,
she has short brown hair,

uh, she's got a big heart
and-and her favorite color

is-is every color.

-Have you tried the morgue?
-Oh, God.

What? It's next
to the McDonald's.

All the kids end up there.

Well, why didn't
you just say McDonald's?

[panting]

Lark! Lark!

-Lark! Lark!
-[phone vibrating]

Oh, no.

Uh, hey, honey.

Hey, where are you guys?

Uh, w-we just got turned around
a little bit.

Yeah. You know,
hospitals are like casinos.

They-they just don't want you
to leave. [chuckles]

That's literally
the exact opposite

of what a hospital wants.

Hey, honey, will you
put Lark on the phone?

I just want to prepare her
for this.

Lark can't talk right now.
Um, she has got, uh,

some gumballs in her mouth.

Yeah. S-She's probably got,
like, 20 in there.

What? Is that safe?

Well, you know,
this is a hospital, Jen.

Uh, there's help
around every corner.

Will somebody please help me?

Lark?

Hello? Hello?

-I need some help here!
-[hitting counter]

-[whispers]:
Congratulations.
-[shouts]

-Oh.
-What's the matter?

I lost Lark.

Honey, listen, just take
a breath, okay?

It's no big deal.
Kids run off, all right?

How long has she been gone?

I don't know.
Maybe three minutes?

Three minutes? Oh, my gosh!

Greg, why are you standing here?
I got this!

You go, run! Why are you not
looking for her? Call her name!

Lark? Oh...

Oh, sorry.

Whoa. Delicious. Uh, whoa, uhp.

Oh! Lark!

Lark!

I have the flu.

[coughing]

I heard somebody was
in a grizzly accident.

[panting]

Excuse me.
H-Have you seen a little girl?

Hi, Daddy.

Lark! Lark!
[laughs]: Oh!

Oh. You're here. You're here.

Oh, wow. Thank you so much.

Oh. Are you okay?

I saw a sleeping man
with a price tag on his toe.

You didn't try
to wake him up, did you?

No.

All right.

-Here we are.
-[Jen gasps]

Finally. I was getting worried.

Hi, sweetie.

Mm. Oh.

So, someone has been
asking to meet you.

Should we go over?

Here.

She's so cute.

I love you, Talia.

It's just how I pictured it.

[chuckles] See, honey?
I told you, we got this.

Yeah, we do.

Oh!

Oh, thank God.
You found her.

Oh, Lark. I was worried

that we'd lost
you forever. Oh...

Did you lose Lark?

[scoffs]
No.

-[intercom beeps]
-MAN [over intercom]:
Code pink. Missing child.

Answers to the name of Lark.

[intercom beeps]

I never wanted to be
one of these parents,

but I think we
should get a leash.

Hey, Sophia,
when are you gonna come join

the rest of the family
for dinner?

Oh, you have that constipated
look on your face.

You need a banana?

No. It's my math homework.

It's impossible.

I can't do it.

Now I know
why people skateboard.

Oh, sweetie, listen,
it's okay. I can help you.

Hey. Can I go to a silent rave
with Jenna tonight?

Absolutely not.
It's a school night.

Fine. I'll just stay in
and send pictures of my butt

to every boy in school.

Yeah, okay, sweetie,
have a good time.

All right, doing a little math.
Okay, so we've got...

W-Where are the numbers?

Where are the plus signs?
What is this?

-This is the prompt.
-Mm-hmm.

And these are the unit cubes.

I don't...

Mom, it's okay.

I'll just copy off
Beverly in the morning.

I'm pretty sure
she's in love with me.

Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

I am four credits shy
of a college degree.

Were those four credits
for math?

HEATHER:
Ugh.

[groans]

Mom, I'm hungry.

-You'll eat once we get this.
-Get what?

Your daughter's stupid homework.

Ooh, I'm good
at homework.

What is this?

-Math.
-I disagree.

I'll just google it.

How are you gonna google
a bunch of grids on a page?

Okay, wait, wait, wait,
listen, we are not gonna

pull the answers
off the Internet, okay.

'Cause it's not
gonna be the day

that our daughter's homework
is too difficult for us.

You're a doctor.
I'm a doctor's wife.

We can handle a little bit
of middle school math.

-Come on.
-All right, let me
get at this thing.

I'm gonna climb up in here
and see what we got. Okay.

[grunts]

I don't know, I give up.
This is that day.

-Ooh, Colleen. Hey.
-Yeah?

Hi.

Hey, we're having
a little trouble

with some math in here.

-Can you help us?
-Of course.

Oh, great.
Can you go get Jen?

HEATHER:
Thank you.

-18.
-That's the answer?

-No, that's how many years
it's been since I've done math.
-Ugh!

Come on, Jen,
you're a lawyer.

You go to an office.

Those are facts
about my job, yes.

Do you want me to sue the school

-for giving her homework?
-Can you do that?

The teacher did say something
about a sequence pattern...

You know what, honey,
let the grown-ups think.

Okay?

Look, I'm sure that
it's secretly easy.

We just don't know
what it's asking

or what it's about or,
you know, what it is.

Why don't we ask Sam?
Didn't she just do this

a few years ago?

Because I am not gonna
ask a 16-year-old

to help me with this homework.

I can't believe you
don't have any faith in us.

Heather, we are
too old for math.

All right, we're not too old.

What is nine times seven?

-See, we're too old for math.
-It's sixty...

Hey, nobody asked you
to do math, Sophia.

Okay, I happen to know a nerd
in this family

who is, like, legitimately
good at this kind of stuff.

-Oh, Colleen?
-Yeah?

Will you get Greg for me?

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Yep. Yep.

You gotta figure that out.
That's math.

-Are you kidding me?
-Oh, come on.

You dumb, lying nerd.

I can't believe you guys
didn't ask me for help.

"No, Colleen can't do numbers."

Well, joke's on you.

Wait, are you saying
that you understand unit cubes?

Unit what?
No. Sorry.

I got confused for a second.

JEN: You know what,
I just remembered,

I've got some
math stuff at home,

-so I'm gonna run and get it.
-Mm.
-Okay.

She's not coming back, is she?

Nope.

Hey, did you guys
figure it out?

Yeah, Sophia, you should just do
what I used to do in school.

Flirt with the teacher,
don't turn in your homework,

and then turn in the teacher.

TIM:
Heather, go get Sam.

No. Come on, how is it that
a group of educated adults

-can't figure this out?
-Because we can't.

It's too hard.

Oh, it is not!

I must've just
forgotten the easy stuff.

Okay, nine goes
in the second box.

27 goes over here.

And the output is...

-Uh, seven and a half?
-Yep.

Ooh, I am turned on.

-I never made it
with a nerd before.
-Oh...

Yep, 7.5. That's what
I came up with.

That's a really pretty
pattern on the page.

-Mm.
-Mom, you're the best.

Oh, thank you, sweetie.

I love you seven
and a half times more.

[laughs]

JOAN: Peach crumble
in the dining room.

All right, go get some dessert,
sweetie, you deserve it.

Oh, look at that.

Mom.

Yeah?

Oh, I know.

I see you. Okay, listen,
this will cover pizza

and what I hope is a soda.

And how much for
doing your homework?

Go. Take your freaky outfit
and go.

Hey, hey!

Love you.

Hey, uh, have you seen Mom?

I need her to take Lucas
to art class.

I got a-a work emergency.

Emergency?

I thought you were
a graphic dealer.

I'm a graphic designer.

And, yeah, there's an emergency.

They wanted the logo
in Helvetica,

we made it in Arial, so this is
an all-hands-on-deck

sort of situation.

You know, in my day,
a work emergency was, uh,

nearly 500 passengers
plummeting to their death.

Dad, I'm not looking
for perspective, okay.

I'm looking for a ride
for Lucas to art class.

What's the big deal?
Just tell him to skip it.

No. He really enjoys it,
and I'm trying to be a father

who encourages him,
unlike, you know, you,

who referred to art class
as fart class.

[laughs]
I said that?

-Yeah. Yeah, I know.
-Amazing.

It was hilarious, especially
when you made me skip it

to go to golf lessons.

Well, it's incredible
you remember that.

-I forgot the whole thing.
-Yeah.

Well, that's how
trauma works, Dad.

Well, tell that to Phil Donahue.

Ah, great. Thank you.

Okay, I'll-I'll take the kid
to art class.

Really?

Yeah, it'll give me a chance

to get to know
my new grandson.

Yeah, okay.
I think he'd really like that.

Great, huh?

Dad?

Hmm?

Oh, you mean now?

Well, l got to say I'm sorry
I ever doubted you, Dad.

Lucas had a great time
hanging out with his Pop-Pop.

In fact, here's a little
something to say thank you.

Well, how about that.

I swear, you art hasn't
gotten any better.

That's from Lucas.

He's really advanced,
don't you think?

Well, all I see is
a pile of brown rocks,

but you know, I'll put it
up here in the art gallery.

Oh, wow, that's awesome.

I never made the fridge.

Well, you got to earn it.

I mean, this took Heather
six wine and design classes.

Man, it's so great that he's
invested in something so young.

Maybe I should double up
on his art classes.

Why don't I keep taking him?

-Really?
-Mm-hmm.

I've got to say,
I'm kind of blown away, Dad.

It's cool that you want to be
a part of his life.

Well, I-I guess
it's just because

-Lucas is my first grandson.
-[clattering]

But I'm your first grandson.

No, I'm sure that
he just means

his first grandson with a...
you know, with a dream.

But I had a band for years,

and no one in this family
ever came to see me play.

Oh, buddy,
I'll come see you play.

When's your next gig?

I quit.

Well, that's why
I didn't support you.

You're a quitter.

-Hello?
-Hi, sweetie.

-Hi.
-Your father and Lucas
are still out.

Oh, cool. Have you
seen his artwork?

Yeah, I saw the rocks
on the fridge.

-Anything to cover up
Heather's drunken art.
-[both chuckle]

Isn't it so nice to see
Dad supporting Lucas

in something that he loves.

I mean, this is coming
from the man

who literally told me
to quit art.

Well, to be fair, dear,

you were 36 and living
in our garage.

Yeah.

What are Lucas' art supplies
still doing here?

Why would they need art
supplies on the golf course?

Why would they need
a golf course?

Because it's embarrassing
to drink at home at 11:00 a.m.?

Damn it.

[grunts]

Wow. Really thought
you had changed, Dad.

I thought you were
gonna support Lucas

in a way
that you never supported me.

-Oh, geez. I can explain.
-No, no, no.

You don't have to.
I think that we all know

what's happening here.

Look. This one is igneous, see?

What's happening here?

Well, he likes rocks.

That's why we skipped fart class

and came here. He hates art.

What? That's not true.

Who hates art
and only loves rocks?

I love you, I love you.
[kissing]

What's worse is I think that's
an old doody from a goose.

He doesn't like art?
Why didn't he tell me that?

'Cause his dad is pushing him
to be something he wasn't.

I made the same mistake you did.

Well, you'll do better on the
next kid, if you can afford one.

Thanks, Dad. Or...

I could just support my son
no matter what he likes.

I love this one, I love
this one, I love this one.

I guess I could, too.

You want to take
in a quick nine?

No, I hate golf.

Well, then,
we'll do it your way.

INSTRUCTOR: Okay, I really
want to see definition

in those rose petals.

Thanks for coming
with me, Dad.

Oh.

I can see why Heather likes
this wine-ing and designing.

[sets bottle on table]

Excuse me.
You can't have alcohol here.

Oh. Heather?

[whispering]:
Yeah?

I thought this
was the whole point.

Oh. No, Dad. You have to put it
in a water bottle

so no one knows you're drinking.

Oh...

Thank you for coming
over for tea.

Sorry I was all out,
but I microwaved some Snapple.

Mm. Mm-hmm.

Hot strawberry kiwi.

So, now that we have Lucas,

and Jen and Greg
have their new baby,

I was thinking it's time
that we take a family photo.

Ooh.

-Family photo. No, no.
-Mm-hmm.

We don't want more things

for Facebook to sell
to the Russians.

-Oh.
-HEATHER:
We don't want that.

You know what? I think I have
some tea bags in my purse.

Not that this isn't delicious.

[quietly]:
Okay.

I'll be right back.

Okay, just so you know,

my mom has never been
in a single family photo.

She runs every time
she sees a camera.

Yeah, that's why nobody can ever
catch her on film.

I mean, we have gotten
a couple blurs of her, like,

loping through the kitchen.

She's basically the Bigfoot
of suburban therapists.

Okay, well,
I am gonna convince her

to be in the family photo.

-[laughs]
-Okay.

-You're so cute. I love it.
-You go do that.

Yeah, listen, she wouldn't even
take one for Lark's christening.

My daughter was christened?

Oh, yeah. You were on
a work trip in Houston.

Joan, I really want you
in the family photo.

It's not complete without you.

Oh, thank you, dear,
but it's a hard pass.

I-I really am miserable
getting photographed.

But you're so beautiful.

Why do you hate
the camera so much?

I-I don't hate it, it hates me.

In fourth grade,

my smile was so pained

in-in the class photo
that they called in

a special investigator
to question all the teachers.

Well, the camera
doesn't hate you,

it just needs
to get to know you.

So allow me to make
the introduction.

Are you gonna break into song?

Nope, I'm gonna break
into my makeup kit.

Because if you're just upset
about the way

you look in photos,
I can fix that.

No, honey. I-I'm not much
of a makeup person.

You know, where I grew up,

the only person that wore makeup
was the butcher's wife,

and she wasn't somebody
you wanted to emulate.

Joan, trust me. In high school,

I worked
at the cosmetics counter,

and I helped fix a ton
of weird-looking freaks.

Not that you're one of them.

I just don't think
makeup's the answer.

-Oh, really?
-Mm-hmm.

Can you tell
which eyebrow I lost

in a sorority hazing incident?

Right. No, left.

No. No, r-the right.

-Both.
-Oh, are you good.

Thank you.

[soft laughter]

I'm so impressed
you got Joan on board.

Yeah. How did you do that?
Did you get her drunk?

Ooh, was it pills?

No. I just worked
my makeup magic

and helped her feel comfortable.

A little blending,
a little contouring,

a little defining.

In fact, if I had more time,

I could make both of your eyes
look the same size,

and I could give you
an upper lip.

Excuse me.

I think that your lips
are perfect.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

You... Okay.

[quietly]:
Okay.

There she is.

[gasps]

Did I just scream?
Because I wanted to.

Wow, Mom. Look at
all your features.

Okay. It's like an eclipse,
don't look directly at it.

I can't look at Joan's face,

I can't look at
Colleen's cleavage.

-Where am I supposed to look?
-Okay.

You look hot, Joanie.

You look like
when, uh, Bugs Bunny

tried to get that hunter
to make love to him.

It's so much. I feel like
the local news anchor.

No, no. You're the weather girl.

Do I want to be
the weather girl?

Okay, everyone. Let's do this.

Mom-Mom, let me help you down.

It looks like it might be hard
to see with those lashes.

-Well, honey, the weight
is the actual impediment.
-Mm.

When I close my eyes,
I feel like I don't have

the strength to open them.

Okay.

What did you do to my mother?

Assuming that my mother
is underneath all of that.

I know I might have gone
a little overboard,

but she's here
and she's gonna be in the photo,

-which is more than any of
you have ever done, so...
-Oh. Eh...

Oh, dear.

Ah, front and center.
[chuckles]

Right in the middle.
All the eyes are on me. Oh.

Okay, Lark, so you're gonna stay
right in front of Mom-Mom, okay?

That lady is scary.

[others gasping]

No way.

-I'll get her.
-I got it, I got it.

Oh, I'm so sorry, I just
don't feel like myself.

I-I can't do this.

Guys, I can fix this.

Yeah. I don't think
the answer's in there.

But what do I know?
I have no upper lip.

[moans]

I'm so sorry about
the other day, Joan.

Don't be silly, sweetie.

I just feel so badly that you
didn't get a family photo.

Oh, it's okay.
We'll get it someday.

Oh, you look nice.

Here, why don't you
hold the baby?

Oh, thank you, honey.

She especially loves it when
you look up and say cheese.

-Cheese.
-[camera shutter clicking]

-Oh, you sons of bitches.
-[laughing]

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH