Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162
WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
1
00:00:04,203 --> 00:00:05,683
Well, my brainy little babies,
2
00:00:06,507 --> 00:00:08,934
I have officially been
thrown off the Harvard teat.
3
00:00:08,959 --> 00:00:10,731
I thought you were
fired a long time ago.
4
00:00:10,756 --> 00:00:12,333
Oh, I was, Marcus, yeah.
5
00:00:12,358 --> 00:00:14,739
I was kicked off the
salary and housing teat,
6
00:00:14,764 --> 00:00:16,606
but I was able to remain firmly latched
7
00:00:16,631 --> 00:00:18,323
on to their phone-plan teat.
8
00:00:18,818 --> 00:00:21,236
- _
- Guys, if he says "teat" one more time,
9
00:00:21,261 --> 00:00:22,761
we might be able to get him fired.
10
00:00:23,790 --> 00:00:25,756
Let's try and stay focused
on my phone, Sarika.
11
00:00:25,781 --> 00:00:27,221
Uh, now, before you suggest
12
00:00:27,246 --> 00:00:28,756
that I just go to a phone store
13
00:00:28,781 --> 00:00:30,337
and sign up for my own plan...
14
00:00:30,362 --> 00:00:31,741
How is that not the solution?
15
00:00:31,766 --> 00:00:34,478
Well, Anthony, because I have... Anyone?
16
00:00:35,598 --> 00:00:38,103
Atrocious credit. Yeah, yeah.
17
00:00:38,365 --> 00:00:41,325
No carrier will trust
me, so I am off the grid
18
00:00:41,578 --> 00:00:43,070
until I come up with a solution.
19
00:00:45,105 --> 00:00:47,215
Are you saying you have no phone?
20
00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:49,230
Like, for good?
21
00:00:49,255 --> 00:00:51,346
- That's what I'm saying.
- Are you gonna die?
22
00:00:51,544 --> 00:00:53,241
I mean, there's an outside chance
23
00:00:53,266 --> 00:00:54,746
you could get on my family's plan.
24
00:00:55,044 --> 00:00:56,272
Yeah, I mean, my parents would have
25
00:00:56,296 --> 00:00:57,358
to get to know you a little better,
26
00:00:57,382 --> 00:00:59,022
but we could schedule
a series of dinners.
27
00:00:59,372 --> 00:01:02,241
You know what? I would
dislike that, Marcus.
28
00:01:02,715 --> 00:01:04,956
- I would dislike that very much.
- Yeah.
29
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:06,421
But...
30
00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:09,586
the notion of piggybacking
on somebody else's phone plan
31
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,351
is very intriguing.
32
00:01:22,291 --> 00:01:24,291
♪ A.P. Bio 2x10 ♪
Handcuffed
33
00:01:24,316 --> 00:01:26,816
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
34
00:01:34,838 --> 00:01:36,476
What up, Helen DeGeneres?
35
00:01:36,501 --> 00:01:38,811
How's my little puppy bird?
36
00:01:38,836 --> 00:01:40,968
You know. Uh, is Principal Durbin ready
37
00:01:40,993 --> 00:01:42,721
for me to interview him
for the school paper?
38
00:01:42,745 --> 00:01:45,884
Uh, ready? He is so excited.
39
00:01:46,298 --> 00:01:47,750
We're gonna have to
wait a second, though,
40
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:50,122
because he's in there
delivering a bummer bomb.
41
00:01:51,586 --> 00:01:53,536
Gary, no one has signed up
42
00:01:53,561 --> 00:01:55,261
for Coin Club in three years.
43
00:01:55,311 --> 00:01:56,611
I had to cut something.
44
00:01:56,793 --> 00:01:58,315
One of these days, you're gonna find
45
00:01:58,340 --> 00:02:00,269
a beautiful Sacagawea,
and you're gonna be like,
46
00:02:00,294 --> 00:02:02,024
"Where's Gary? I want to talk about it."
47
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:04,580
And I'm gonna be... poof... ghost.
48
00:02:05,490 --> 00:02:07,646
Oh, God. I...
49
00:02:07,671 --> 00:02:11,004
I hate, hate giving people bad news.
50
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:12,646
Their faces... they look like
51
00:02:12,671 --> 00:02:14,241
teddy bears in a Dumpster.
52
00:02:14,312 --> 00:02:16,538
You're the principal. Let it rip.
53
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:18,346
You can tell them whatever you want.
54
00:02:18,371 --> 00:02:19,721
I know, but I...
55
00:02:19,761 --> 00:02:21,031
Ugh. I just feel sick.
56
00:02:21,188 --> 00:02:22,468
I feel sick, too.
57
00:02:22,916 --> 00:02:24,526
Though it could be because I ate a
58
00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:27,776
shellacked caramel off a old
Christmas ornament last night.
59
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,301
I can be honest with you guys.
60
00:02:35,157 --> 00:02:36,531
Gonna try to work it out.
61
00:02:37,910 --> 00:02:39,071
Drop it down the pike.
62
00:02:42,849 --> 00:02:43,918
So...
63
00:02:43,943 --> 00:02:45,416
how are things with Seth?
64
00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:47,495
- Good.
- Mm.
65
00:02:48,739 --> 00:02:50,451
Ugh. Ugh.
66
00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:54,931
Mm-hmm.
67
00:02:55,873 --> 00:02:57,678
- Mary, you want some?
- No.
68
00:02:58,003 --> 00:03:00,941
So he took you out again last night?
69
00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:02,346
Sort of.
70
00:03:02,371 --> 00:03:04,721
Uh, sort of?
71
00:03:05,145 --> 00:03:07,551
Uh, we got subs and ate
them at the Laundromat.
72
00:03:07,576 --> 00:03:09,266
So, yeah, I took her out.
73
00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:11,041
Oh, you're not a fan of restaurants?
74
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:13,128
Whoa, someone's a frickin' millionaire.
75
00:03:13,153 --> 00:03:14,951
- What?
- I'm a substitute teacher.
76
00:03:14,976 --> 00:03:16,995
So we each grabbed three on a six-inch.
77
00:03:17,339 --> 00:03:18,550
- We did.
- Mm-hmm.
78
00:03:18,575 --> 00:03:20,561
And you call this a date?
79
00:03:20,661 --> 00:03:22,586
Um, let's just say
that the changing table
80
00:03:22,611 --> 00:03:24,846
in the bathroom didn't break itself.
81
00:03:25,946 --> 00:03:27,686
We did... with sex.
82
00:03:29,646 --> 00:03:30,866
Ow! [BLEEP].
83
00:03:30,891 --> 00:03:32,541
Ooh. Said I was gonna get you.
84
00:03:32,566 --> 00:03:33,746
Ha ha!
85
00:03:33,771 --> 00:03:35,381
Catch ya later, masturbator.
86
00:03:37,631 --> 00:03:40,131
So has he met the parents?
87
00:03:40,918 --> 00:03:42,112
Ah, he needs to go.
88
00:03:42,137 --> 00:03:43,591
It's just that he's subbing here,
89
00:03:43,631 --> 00:03:45,547
and I can't just ghost
him like I usually do.
90
00:03:45,572 --> 00:03:46,674
Yeah.
91
00:03:46,699 --> 00:03:49,096
Now, which one of you is
gonna help me get rid of him?
92
00:03:49,121 --> 00:03:51,555
Oh, not us. We are done.
93
00:03:51,580 --> 00:03:53,471
Every time we help you get rid of a guy,
94
00:03:53,496 --> 00:03:55,143
you wind up getting back together.
95
00:03:55,168 --> 00:03:56,771
- Mm-mm.
- You backslide.
96
00:03:56,821 --> 00:03:59,783
It's an exhausting
cycle to watch and judge.
97
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,041
Oh, come on...
98
00:04:01,066 --> 00:04:03,896
Hey, hey, ladies, we're
all basically, like,
99
00:04:03,921 --> 00:04:06,441
friends and family at this point, right?
100
00:04:06,466 --> 00:04:08,032
I am finding it impossible
101
00:04:08,057 --> 00:04:10,501
to secure a cell phone plan
under my name.
102
00:04:10,526 --> 00:04:12,597
Ah, and you want to
piggyback on one of our plans.
103
00:04:12,621 --> 00:04:14,535
- Ha.
- Jack, I have way too many cousins
104
00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:16,597
for you to doggy-style on my plan.
105
00:04:16,621 --> 00:04:18,621
Okay, well, it's piggyback, but, yeah.
106
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:23,629
Uh, you know, Jack, my
family plan is da bomb,
107
00:04:23,654 --> 00:04:25,036
and I'll let you get in on it.
108
00:04:25,061 --> 00:04:26,793
- Yes!
- But you have to do
109
00:04:26,818 --> 00:04:28,532
something for me in return.
110
00:04:28,557 --> 00:04:30,981
You have to help me kick my
current boyfriend to the curb.
111
00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:33,066
Okay, well, that actually
sounds kind of fun.
112
00:04:33,180 --> 00:04:34,275
But that's not the hard part.
113
00:04:34,299 --> 00:04:36,656
The hard part is helping
me stay broken up with him,
114
00:04:36,681 --> 00:04:38,088
'cause "Today Mary" is gonna want to
115
00:04:38,112 --> 00:04:39,204
break up with that little scuzz,
116
00:04:39,228 --> 00:04:41,821
but "Tomorrow Mary" is
gonna go scuzz-blind.
117
00:04:41,861 --> 00:04:45,001
You know, this all sounds
very doable. I am in.
118
00:04:45,041 --> 00:04:47,335
Okay. Very nice doing business with you.
119
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,390
Oh, wonderful.
120
00:04:48,415 --> 00:04:49,835
Wonderful doing business with you.
121
00:04:51,741 --> 00:04:53,921
Yes! Nice. What?
122
00:04:54,263 --> 00:04:57,591
You have no idea the job
you just signed on for.
123
00:04:58,011 --> 00:05:00,531
There is nothing more
powerful than the bond
124
00:05:00,556 --> 00:05:03,078
between a Mary and her scuzz.
125
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,440
- Backslide, Jack.
- Backslide.
126
00:05:13,570 --> 00:05:15,540
- Don't move!
- Jeez!
127
00:05:16,693 --> 00:05:18,303
God, okay...
128
00:05:18,328 --> 00:05:19,768
- Hi.
- Hey.
129
00:05:19,793 --> 00:05:22,753
Um, Mr. Griffin, what are
you doing in my math class?
130
00:05:22,787 --> 00:05:25,267
Whoa. It's like seeing
a tiger in the wild.
131
00:05:25,427 --> 00:05:27,447
Uh, Seth.
132
00:05:27,612 --> 00:05:29,836
Hi, I'm uh, Jack
Griffin. I teach A.P. Bio.
133
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:31,121
So you're subbing here?
134
00:05:31,146 --> 00:05:33,237
Yep, yep. Anywhere that needs me.
135
00:05:33,277 --> 00:05:34,717
- Ah.
- Kids really dig me.
136
00:05:34,742 --> 00:05:37,228
I always play the first
48 minutes of a movie.
137
00:05:38,367 --> 00:05:40,247
I've seen the first half of a lot
138
00:05:40,287 --> 00:05:42,597
of really good flicks.
139
00:05:42,637 --> 00:05:43,873
Love it, I love it, I love it.
140
00:05:43,897 --> 00:05:45,947
- And no shoes. Very cool.
- Ah.
141
00:05:45,987 --> 00:05:47,575
So I have something very sensitive
142
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:48,997
in nature to talk to you about.
143
00:05:49,301 --> 00:05:52,452
Um, gang, if you could just
go ahead and move your bodies
144
00:05:52,477 --> 00:05:54,540
to the back of the class,
and, you know, face the wall,
145
00:05:54,564 --> 00:05:55,871
like "Blair Witch" style.
146
00:05:56,049 --> 00:05:57,179
Heather, you want to...?
147
00:05:58,034 --> 00:05:59,076
Yeah.
148
00:05:59,401 --> 00:06:01,527
All right, move it or lose it, D-bags.
149
00:06:10,167 --> 00:06:11,229
Uh, is that in, like...
150
00:06:11,254 --> 00:06:12,974
is that in the second
half of "Blair Witch"?
151
00:06:13,728 --> 00:06:16,601
Hey, so, um, I'm a friend of Mary's
152
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:19,005
and, well, she's asked
me to tell you it's been
153
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,616
a tepid ride, but, uh, it's over, okay?
154
00:06:23,127 --> 00:06:24,217
All right.
155
00:06:24,242 --> 00:06:25,562
Wait, are you... are you serious?
156
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:29,286
- C-can we talk about that?
- With me? No. No, no, no.
157
00:06:29,311 --> 00:06:30,993
I-I'm not really up
to speed on most of it.
158
00:06:31,018 --> 00:06:32,877
I just, uh... you know,
just the messenger here.
159
00:06:32,901 --> 00:06:34,192
I just know it's over, you know?
160
00:06:34,217 --> 00:06:36,047
So, uh, my work is sort of done here.
161
00:06:36,072 --> 00:06:37,753
I just... I'm gonna go talk
to her, because once she...
162
00:06:37,777 --> 00:06:39,377
No, no, no.
163
00:06:39,778 --> 00:06:40,918
I'm handling this.
164
00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,697
Oh.
165
00:06:44,827 --> 00:06:46,067
Oh, God.
166
00:06:48,222 --> 00:06:50,907
When a man cries, nothing feels safe.
167
00:06:54,032 --> 00:06:55,930
He did not take it well.
168
00:06:56,392 --> 00:06:57,837
Are you breaking it off with Seth?
169
00:06:57,862 --> 00:06:59,355
Hey! Stop snooping.
170
00:07:01,230 --> 00:07:02,457
Go ahead, Jack. I'll cover.
171
00:07:02,933 --> 00:07:05,806
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
172
00:07:05,831 --> 00:07:07,987
All right. Uh, yeah, he
just... he wouldn't accept it.
173
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:10,847
All right? He was crying,
and he wants to talk.
174
00:07:11,495 --> 00:07:14,297
Damn it, Jack. Ugh. Cover me.
175
00:07:14,337 --> 00:07:16,557
Oh. ♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪
176
00:07:16,582 --> 00:07:18,189
You were supposed to
handle this, you know,
177
00:07:18,213 --> 00:07:20,387
like family, not just phone it in.
178
00:07:20,427 --> 00:07:22,647
Yeah, we can definitely
still hear you back here.
179
00:07:22,672 --> 00:07:24,762
Oh, my God. Just plug each other's ears.
180
00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:32,883
Look, don't worry about
it. I got you, okay?
181
00:07:32,908 --> 00:07:34,385
I'll come over later, and
I'll help you break it off.
182
00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:36,367
Um, no, no, no. We got
to do it at your place.
183
00:07:36,407 --> 00:07:38,247
Otherwise I'm gonna end
up hooking up with him.
184
00:07:38,283 --> 00:07:41,035
Uh, well, no, we can... what?
You can't break up at my place.
185
00:07:41,254 --> 00:07:43,574
Well, do you want to be
on my phone plan or not?
186
00:07:44,215 --> 00:07:46,432
Yes. Okay, fine. Fine, all right?
187
00:07:46,457 --> 00:07:47,457
But we got to do it fast,
188
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:48,609
'cause Lynette's coming over later.
189
00:07:48,633 --> 00:07:49,989
Ooooh.
190
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:51,963
Marcus, how is it that
you're still hearing this?
191
00:07:51,987 --> 00:07:54,547
My fingers are too
small for his ear canals.
192
00:07:54,597 --> 00:07:56,042
They're huge.
193
00:07:56,067 --> 00:07:57,687
Don't brag about that.
194
00:08:02,426 --> 00:08:04,176
♪ Sex is horrible ♪
195
00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:07,387
♪ And no one really likes it ♪
196
00:08:07,412 --> 00:08:08,982
So that's what I play whenever I,
197
00:08:09,007 --> 00:08:10,847
uh, catch a kid with a condom.
198
00:08:10,872 --> 00:08:12,818
Mm, my readers will love this.
199
00:08:12,843 --> 00:08:15,215
Oh, and this what I play
whenever I catch a student
200
00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,047
with drugs.
201
00:08:17,112 --> 00:08:21,864
♪ Meth gives you joy
only Gods can experience ♪
202
00:08:21,889 --> 00:08:23,797
♪ But don't do it ♪
203
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,916
Ralph, time to break some spirits.
204
00:08:25,941 --> 00:08:27,449
- Coach is here.
- Already?
205
00:08:27,474 --> 00:08:30,042
Oh, boy. You can stay Anthony.
206
00:08:34,376 --> 00:08:35,928
Coach, I, uh...
207
00:08:36,592 --> 00:08:39,872
I have some bad news I wish
I could protect you from.
208
00:08:39,897 --> 00:08:41,637
You don't got to
sugarcoat it for me, Ralph.
209
00:08:41,662 --> 00:08:43,141
I'm not one of your book teachers.
210
00:08:43,166 --> 00:08:44,522
All right, uh, well, um...
211
00:08:45,088 --> 00:08:46,995
I don't know how, uh...
212
00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:50,567
It seems that there's a, uh...
213
00:08:50,756 --> 00:08:53,155
Uh, well, I'm...
doesn't... It actually is...
214
00:08:53,944 --> 00:08:55,264
I'm sorry, uh...
215
00:08:57,092 --> 00:08:58,917
We're gonna let...
216
00:08:59,343 --> 00:09:02,487
the marching band and the football team
217
00:09:02,512 --> 00:09:06,072
share practice time
on the football field.
218
00:09:06,097 --> 00:09:09,179
What? No way. It's not...
it's not called a band field.
219
00:09:09,204 --> 00:09:10,641
Uh, that's a good point.
220
00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,890
You know what? I'm gonna,
uh, talk to the band director.
221
00:09:12,915 --> 00:09:14,937
Maybe we could, uh, find a...
222
00:09:14,962 --> 00:09:17,750
Oh, my God. Move over.
223
00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:21,014
The band's gonna use
the field sometimes.
224
00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:23,157
This is happening to you.
225
00:09:23,657 --> 00:09:24,987
Deal with it.
226
00:09:25,155 --> 00:09:27,235
Ralph, does the confident child speak
227
00:09:27,260 --> 00:09:28,600
on your behest for you?
228
00:09:31,957 --> 00:09:34,247
Our talk is done. Shoo.
229
00:09:34,697 --> 00:09:37,190
Shoo? You're gonna shoo me? Shoo you.
230
00:09:37,215 --> 00:09:39,167
Kids talk to me like that? Jesus Christ.
231
00:09:39,192 --> 00:09:40,573
That was amazing!
232
00:09:40,598 --> 00:09:41,747
Anthony!
233
00:09:41,787 --> 00:09:43,187
I have to deliver bad news all day.
234
00:09:43,212 --> 00:09:45,422
Is there any chance you'd want to sit in
235
00:09:45,447 --> 00:09:47,667
on some of these sessions?
236
00:09:47,692 --> 00:09:49,432
Okay, I can sweeten the deal.
237
00:09:49,457 --> 00:09:53,817
I got an Amazon gift card for Christmas,
238
00:09:53,887 --> 00:09:55,667
but there's not a slot
on my computer for it,
239
00:09:55,692 --> 00:09:56,762
so...
240
00:09:58,977 --> 00:10:00,277
Sure.
241
00:10:09,647 --> 00:10:10,857
Okay.
242
00:10:12,850 --> 00:10:14,890
All right. Listen...
243
00:10:15,327 --> 00:10:16,417
Mare-bear.
244
00:10:16,697 --> 00:10:18,047
Tell me that he's a liar.
245
00:10:18,274 --> 00:10:19,857
Because I know that you love me.
246
00:10:19,882 --> 00:10:22,022
You even said that you
love how my back smells.
247
00:10:22,158 --> 00:10:24,487
No, I just said, "Your back smells."
248
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,682
Seth, I'm looking for something else.
249
00:10:28,707 --> 00:10:31,187
But, Mary, just think of all
the fun that we could have.
250
00:10:31,212 --> 00:10:33,602
I just got us tickets
to see Michael McDonald
251
00:10:33,627 --> 00:10:35,187
in concert next month.
252
00:10:35,514 --> 00:10:38,912
I mean... I mean, if you
already got the tickets, then...
253
00:10:38,937 --> 00:10:40,782
Mary, he doesn't have the tickets.
254
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:42,762
- I'm gonna get the tickets.
- He's gonna get the tickets.
255
00:10:42,786 --> 00:10:43,952
- Yeah. He's never...
- Yeah, I'm gonna get...
256
00:10:43,976 --> 00:10:45,477
- No, he's never gonna get the tickets.
- I said I was gonna get...
257
00:10:45,501 --> 00:10:46,953
- He will not get the tickets!
- I need to get paid,
258
00:10:46,977 --> 00:10:48,705
- then I can buy the tickets.
- Mary, end this.
259
00:10:48,729 --> 00:10:49,946
You're a strong woman.
260
00:10:49,971 --> 00:10:52,437
I've seen you kick a
coffee table across a lobby.
261
00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:58,776
Seth, have a happy life.
262
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,089
No. I'm not going anywhere...
263
00:11:03,003 --> 00:11:04,187
until you take me back.
264
00:11:04,889 --> 00:11:07,102
Wait. What? Wait. Are those...
265
00:11:07,553 --> 00:11:08,704
Uh, that's not good.
266
00:11:09,726 --> 00:11:11,086
- Whatever. Bye.
- Where you going?
267
00:11:11,111 --> 00:11:13,007
No, no, no. No, no, no.
268
00:11:13,032 --> 00:11:14,512
You're not... no. Oh.
269
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:17,775
Oh.
270
00:11:22,522 --> 00:11:23,587
Did she...
271
00:11:23,611 --> 00:11:24,625
She left, right?
272
00:11:24,650 --> 00:11:26,470
Is that her car now?
273
00:11:29,073 --> 00:11:30,773
- Come on.
- Closer.
274
00:11:30,798 --> 00:11:33,315
Warmer. Warmer.
275
00:11:33,340 --> 00:11:35,269
Oh, stop tricking me into touching
276
00:11:35,294 --> 00:11:36,464
other parts of your body.
277
00:11:36,489 --> 00:11:38,270
Just tell me where the
keys to the cuffs are.
278
00:11:38,591 --> 00:11:39,697
I don't know.
279
00:11:40,454 --> 00:11:42,746
All right, man. You asked for this.
280
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:52,120
- You gonna tell me?
- This is fine.
281
00:11:52,576 --> 00:11:55,007
It's kind of like a back massage.
282
00:11:55,982 --> 00:11:58,417
Oops. That step's
trying to steal my jeans.
283
00:11:58,442 --> 00:12:00,137
Oh, it got 'em.
284
00:12:00,162 --> 00:12:01,242
There they go.
285
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,394
Yeah, that's what I'm working with.
286
00:12:03,419 --> 00:12:05,407
Oh, come on...
287
00:12:08,482 --> 00:12:09,487
- Hi.
- Hello.
288
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,287
Oof. Okay.
289
00:12:12,765 --> 00:12:14,899
Three openers... Uh, you
look great, all right?
290
00:12:14,924 --> 00:12:17,052
You smell like lemons, and..
291
00:12:17,465 --> 00:12:19,750
Mary's ex-boyfriend is handcuffed
292
00:12:19,775 --> 00:12:21,447
to my dead mom's stair lift.
293
00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:23,329
- Hey, Lynette.
- Oh.
294
00:12:23,354 --> 00:12:25,426
Jack took off my pants
with this antique elevator.
295
00:12:25,451 --> 00:12:27,697
- No, that's... that's a lie.
- Hey, Seth.
296
00:12:27,722 --> 00:12:29,399
Hey, do you happen to
have my paycheck on you?
297
00:12:29,423 --> 00:12:31,098
I think it should be around $38.
298
00:12:31,123 --> 00:12:32,223
You know, I don't,
299
00:12:32,248 --> 00:12:34,919
and I think you broke even after taxes.
300
00:12:34,944 --> 00:12:36,348
Thanks, Obama.
301
00:12:37,334 --> 00:12:38,837
- Wine? Yeah.
- Love some.
302
00:12:38,877 --> 00:12:40,557
What are we thinking,
though, red or white?
303
00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:44,320
I don't really know
anything about birds.
304
00:12:44,501 --> 00:12:47,680
My hobby is stuffing
things... you know, taxidermy.
305
00:12:49,047 --> 00:12:52,086
And I guess I'd just rather
stuff birds because...
306
00:12:52,903 --> 00:12:54,733
So are you guys like a thing?
307
00:12:54,758 --> 00:12:56,394
Because you seem like
you're into each other,
308
00:12:56,418 --> 00:12:58,328
but you also seem like you're cousins.
309
00:12:58,353 --> 00:12:59,563
Like, I guess what I'm asking
310
00:12:59,588 --> 00:13:01,337
is what stuff are you guys doing?
311
00:13:01,362 --> 00:13:02,940
- Mostly outercourse.
- None of your business.
312
00:13:02,964 --> 00:13:04,712
"Outercourse"?
313
00:13:05,013 --> 00:13:07,839
Okay, well... I'll leave you guys to it.
314
00:13:12,437 --> 00:13:14,127
A man should have a hobby.
315
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:23,242
Oh, man, these birds
are just so furious.
316
00:13:23,729 --> 00:13:25,243
- So mad.
- One second.
317
00:13:25,268 --> 00:13:26,876
I like it with the sound on.
318
00:13:26,901 --> 00:13:28,659
Do you? This is mine now.
319
00:13:29,706 --> 00:13:32,627
I mean, no phone plan is worth this.
320
00:13:32,652 --> 00:13:34,972
Hey, you know how you
get rid of me, right?
321
00:13:36,197 --> 00:13:37,551
You get me back with my love...
322
00:13:38,437 --> 00:13:39,707
my soul mate.
323
00:13:45,106 --> 00:13:47,487
Hey, look, nobody wants
to see you backslide
324
00:13:47,512 --> 00:13:48,727
any less than me, but...
325
00:13:49,155 --> 00:13:51,991
You should know Seth
is obsessed with you.
326
00:13:52,131 --> 00:13:53,772
He won't stop talking about you.
327
00:13:54,607 --> 00:13:55,827
Did he say obsessed, or...
328
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:58,127
Uh-uh. Okay, I know that look.
329
00:13:58,177 --> 00:14:00,029
- Michelle, let's go.
- Yeah.
330
00:14:00,054 --> 00:14:02,567
I told you, Jack... backslide.
331
00:14:05,657 --> 00:14:06,667
See you.
332
00:14:08,545 --> 00:14:10,577
- Yeah.
- Oop.
333
00:14:10,841 --> 00:14:12,234
I'll find it. Yeah.
334
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:15,276
Look, I'm... I'm telling you,
335
00:14:15,301 --> 00:14:17,197
this guy wants you back so badly,
336
00:14:17,237 --> 00:14:18,627
he went on a hunger strike.
337
00:14:19,129 --> 00:14:21,026
Oh, he must be out of his mind for me.
338
00:14:21,051 --> 00:14:22,641
Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's a mess.
339
00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:24,858
You know, I'm just gonna stay focused,
340
00:14:24,883 --> 00:14:26,247
and I'm not gonna think about him.
341
00:14:26,272 --> 00:14:27,752
- You are gonna be fine.
- Yeah.
342
00:14:27,777 --> 00:14:28,922
All right.
343
00:14:28,947 --> 00:14:30,817
- Okay.
- You got this.
344
00:14:34,817 --> 00:14:38,517
_
345
00:14:45,187 --> 00:14:46,887
Stay strong. Stay strong.
346
00:14:51,707 --> 00:14:53,577
Time to hit some peeps with bad news.
347
00:14:56,602 --> 00:15:00,070
Joyce, we moved your parking
spot to the auxiliary lot.
348
00:15:00,095 --> 00:15:01,315
It's a done deal.
349
00:15:01,340 --> 00:15:03,342
You see, that's not gonna work for me.
350
00:15:03,367 --> 00:15:06,287
I'm already getting up at
2:00 a.m. to take my nephew
351
00:15:06,327 --> 00:15:08,256
to the ER 'cause of his croup.
352
00:15:08,281 --> 00:15:10,637
- I says to my sister...
- Joyce. Joyce.
353
00:15:10,662 --> 00:15:11,962
Joyce!
354
00:15:12,674 --> 00:15:13,803
Not my business.
355
00:15:14,198 --> 00:15:15,777
Mute and scoot.
356
00:15:18,307 --> 00:15:20,637
All of your cleaning
supplies are being switched
357
00:15:20,662 --> 00:15:22,129
to generic and unscented.
358
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:23,697
"Unscented"?
359
00:15:23,722 --> 00:15:27,007
You know what humans
do in bathrooms, right?
360
00:15:27,913 --> 00:15:29,507
You're with me on this, right, Durbin?
361
00:15:30,812 --> 00:15:32,053
Durbin's not here.
362
00:15:32,078 --> 00:15:34,227
Breathe out your mouth.
363
00:15:38,730 --> 00:15:40,588
Principal Durbin isn't
concerning himself
364
00:15:40,613 --> 00:15:42,529
with the casting of the school play.
365
00:15:42,554 --> 00:15:46,119
You can either play "Tree
in Distance" or quit.
366
00:15:46,144 --> 00:15:49,308
Great! I'll play the
tree. I don't mind at all.
367
00:15:49,341 --> 00:15:50,352
Oh.
368
00:15:58,467 --> 00:16:00,791
Right, new plan.
369
00:16:00,816 --> 00:16:04,198
So I'm texting Mary from
her ex-boyfriend's phone.
370
00:16:04,230 --> 00:16:05,478
I'm gonna trick her into getting back
371
00:16:05,502 --> 00:16:07,269
with that idiot so I can
get him out of my house.
372
00:16:07,293 --> 00:16:08,823
Uh, do you guys have any suggestions?
373
00:16:10,339 --> 00:16:12,788
I don't get it. Aren't
you Mary's friend?
374
00:16:12,813 --> 00:16:13,936
Of course. Yeah.
375
00:16:13,961 --> 00:16:16,614
Yeah, and didn't she offer
to put you on her family plan
376
00:16:16,639 --> 00:16:18,114
if you help her get rid of this guy?
377
00:16:18,139 --> 00:16:19,163
Yeah.
378
00:16:19,188 --> 00:16:21,773
And now you're trying to set her up
with the very same man
379
00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:24,847
who you yourself called
an idiot not moments ago?
380
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:30,371
You guys... you all think I'm a bad guy?
381
00:16:31,621 --> 00:16:32,746
Is that what this is?
382
00:16:34,145 --> 00:16:35,607
Heather, where do you stand on this?
383
00:16:36,572 --> 00:16:38,312
I can't tell if you're doing a mission
384
00:16:38,337 --> 00:16:40,424
for Ms. Wagner or against her.
385
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:42,418
I'm Team Griffin either way.
386
00:16:42,644 --> 00:16:45,907
Let's get her... or help her.
387
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:48,403
I guess you have to ask yourself
388
00:16:48,428 --> 00:16:50,454
if you really care about your friend.
389
00:16:53,283 --> 00:16:55,243
See, this is why I avoid friendships.
390
00:16:55,268 --> 00:16:56,567
Yeah, that's why.
391
00:16:58,122 --> 00:16:59,402
Now I'm gonna have to
figure out another way
392
00:16:59,426 --> 00:17:01,269
to get rid of this human pork rind.
393
00:17:03,261 --> 00:17:05,407
Guess I'm gonna have to do
it the old-fashioned way.
394
00:17:18,274 --> 00:17:19,354
Scuzz-blind.
395
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:21,767
Wait, what?
396
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,564
I'm sorry, Mary, did you
have the key the whole time?
397
00:17:30,589 --> 00:17:32,181
No. Seth was hiding it
398
00:17:32,206 --> 00:17:34,296
in a place I call his "secret pouch."
399
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:35,501
And that's not my butt.
400
00:17:35,526 --> 00:17:37,288
No. What is happening? Why?
401
00:17:37,313 --> 00:17:39,319
We're back, baby.
402
00:17:39,344 --> 00:17:40,734
All right, I'm gonna pop upstairs,
403
00:17:40,759 --> 00:17:41,898
I'm gonna put my jeans back on,
404
00:17:41,922 --> 00:17:43,412
and then we're gonna scoot.
405
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:48,027
- Oh, God.
- I know.
406
00:17:48,831 --> 00:17:51,215
Mary, you... you... you can't
get back together with that guy.
407
00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:53,147
Jack, don't worry. You're off the hook.
408
00:17:53,172 --> 00:17:54,840
We'll go get you a
brand-new phone tomorrow
409
00:17:54,864 --> 00:17:56,047
and sign you up on my plan.
410
00:17:56,072 --> 00:17:58,129
No, but it... it... it
just don't feel right.
411
00:18:00,660 --> 00:18:01,784
Okay, Jackie boy.
412
00:18:01,809 --> 00:18:02,844
It's been a fun 24 hours,
413
00:18:02,869 --> 00:18:04,309
but it's time for me to get going.
414
00:18:04,506 --> 00:18:06,036
Yeah, that's my mother's luggage.
415
00:18:06,061 --> 00:18:07,084
Oh.
416
00:18:08,857 --> 00:18:11,747
Well, it's broken. Tell her that.
417
00:18:11,772 --> 00:18:12,862
All right, babe.
418
00:18:12,887 --> 00:18:14,591
I'm gonna go outside
and warm up the car...
419
00:18:15,212 --> 00:18:16,292
with my farts.
420
00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:22,624
Eh, diet starts tomorrow,
421
00:18:22,649 --> 00:18:24,196
but tonight I'm gonna go eat this cake.
422
00:18:24,220 --> 00:18:25,327
Wait, wait. Hold on one second.
423
00:18:25,351 --> 00:18:27,181
- I just...
- What the fudge?
424
00:18:27,206 --> 00:18:28,646
Uh-huh, yep. Nope.
425
00:18:28,671 --> 00:18:29,918
No, no, no. Nope, nope.
426
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:31,382
You're not going with him. Let's go.
427
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,497
Jack, I am a grown-ass woman,
428
00:18:34,537 --> 00:18:37,401
and sometimes I want to make
bad decisions, so let me.
429
00:18:37,426 --> 00:18:40,086
No. I'm not letting you leave
until you've horned down a bit
430
00:18:40,111 --> 00:18:42,071
and promise me you are
done with that dude.
431
00:18:42,096 --> 00:18:43,851
Fine, then no phone plan for you.
432
00:18:44,327 --> 00:18:45,387
Fine.
433
00:18:46,547 --> 00:18:47,707
But I have something to say,
434
00:18:48,132 --> 00:18:50,197
and this is not gonna be one
of those things where I tell you
435
00:18:50,221 --> 00:18:52,521
that you are deserving
of someone far better than
436
00:18:52,546 --> 00:18:55,381
that human tapeworm out there
because you are a catch...
437
00:18:56,728 --> 00:18:58,305
and not just a Toledo catch,
438
00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:00,514
but, like, a regular, good-city catch.
439
00:19:01,776 --> 00:19:02,956
Instead, I'm gonna sit here with you
440
00:19:02,980 --> 00:19:04,807
until you come to that
conclusion on your own.
441
00:19:05,694 --> 00:19:08,094
And there is absolutely no way
I'm letting you go before then
442
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:11,179
because I do not have the
keys to these handcuffs.
443
00:19:12,189 --> 00:19:14,099
I'm just now realizing that.
444
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:18,924
Hello?
445
00:19:19,352 --> 00:19:21,779
Oh, uh, where's Principal Durbin?
446
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,738
Take a seat.
447
00:19:23,763 --> 00:19:26,073
Okeydokey.
448
00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:29,058
Didn't expect, uh... you to be here.
449
00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:30,563
So, uh...
450
00:19:30,588 --> 00:19:33,198
what is this meeting about?
451
00:19:36,321 --> 00:19:38,671
As you can see, you gave me a B-minus
452
00:19:38,696 --> 00:19:40,306
on my erosion diorama.
453
00:19:40,471 --> 00:19:42,161
I'll be damned if I'm
gonna let you keep me
454
00:19:42,186 --> 00:19:44,466
out of Georgetown, so
you're gonna give me an A,
455
00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:46,923
or we're gonna have to let you go.
456
00:19:50,311 --> 00:19:53,011
Oh, thank God. Anthony's
trying to fire me.
457
00:19:53,748 --> 00:19:54,858
What are you doing?
458
00:19:55,271 --> 00:19:57,011
I think something bit Anthony.
459
00:19:57,036 --> 00:19:58,170
Can you hear me?
460
00:19:58,195 --> 00:19:59,485
Quiet, Noodle Curls!
461
00:19:59,622 --> 00:20:02,667
You got a little too much
dip on your chip, buster.
462
00:20:02,717 --> 00:20:05,550
Get up, take your disrespectful butt
463
00:20:05,575 --> 00:20:07,159
straight to my office!
464
00:20:07,627 --> 00:20:08,698
Keep it moving!
465
00:20:08,723 --> 00:20:11,253
I'm sorry. I was trying
to help Principal Durbin.
466
00:20:11,855 --> 00:20:17,637
Dave, your classes are being
transferred to the trailer.
467
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:18,897
What?
468
00:20:18,922 --> 00:20:20,914
Oh, come on.
469
00:20:20,939 --> 00:20:22,991
We're done talking. Shoo.
470
00:20:26,294 --> 00:20:28,904
Well, thank you so
much for ruining my day.
471
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:30,679
I already sat in cornbread.
472
00:20:30,704 --> 00:20:33,144
Come on.
473
00:20:37,428 --> 00:20:39,226
Well, good work, Jack-In-The-Sweats.
474
00:20:39,267 --> 00:20:40,667
Yeah, nice job.
475
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,800
Hey, I would do the
same for either of you.
476
00:20:43,059 --> 00:20:45,106
- Aw.
- Please don't break up my marriage.
477
00:20:45,131 --> 00:20:46,361
- Please.
- I'm not...
478
00:20:46,386 --> 00:20:47,965
Now, Stef, she could use a little help.
479
00:20:47,990 --> 00:20:49,473
I don't have a problem.
480
00:20:49,498 --> 00:20:52,458
I just like dating older Indian doctors.
481
00:20:52,726 --> 00:20:54,482
They're always secretly married.
482
00:20:54,507 --> 00:20:55,583
Not happily.
483
00:20:55,608 --> 00:20:57,088
And leaders of a sex cult.
484
00:20:57,113 --> 00:20:58,923
Not happily.
485
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,871
Oh, I should head to class.
486
00:21:02,318 --> 00:21:03,838
Yep, I should probably head with you.
487
00:21:04,289 --> 00:21:05,459
Okeydokey.
488
00:21:05,484 --> 00:21:06,784
We can hit shop class at lunch.
489
00:21:06,809 --> 00:21:07,829
- Okay.
- You know?
490
00:21:07,854 --> 00:21:09,001
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Whoa.
491
00:21:09,025 --> 00:21:10,245
I got to say, though,
492
00:21:10,270 --> 00:21:12,540
- I, uh... I'm gonna miss this.
- Aw.
35444
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
