Original subtitles

Come and knock on our door. Come and knock on our door. We've been waiting

you. We've been waiting for you.

Where the kisses are heard and heard and here we come for you too.

Come and dance on our floor.

Come and dance on our floor. Take a step that is new.

Take a step that is new.

We'll be right

back.

through to him yeah hang on please hey jack jack jack

you are wanted on the telephone oh and that

is my stereo and that's my towel who is it

um some girl named robin robin yeah she said that she went to high school with

you

Is it really you?

It is really you.

You moved here?

What?

No, no, are you kidding? Of course I didn't forget you.

Listen, uh, you'd like to see me?

Your place or mine?

Will Rogers Park?

Uh, well...

Uh -huh.

Yeah, I know that spot.

A half an hour?

I'll see you there.

Ciao.

That

must

have been some phone call. That was Robin Baxter. I used to carry her books

from school.

And now she wants them back?

She wants me back.

Janet, she practically begged me to meet her at Will Rogers Park in half an

hour. Oh, she sounds desperate.

Robin, desperate?

Ha! Wait till you see her picture.

I am not holding my breath.

I got my high school annual in here, so I'm curious.

Here's the yearbook.

Okay, okay.

Wait till you see this girl. I can wait.

She was the head cheerleader.

Mm -hmm.

What do you think?

Oh, she's okay.

If you like gorgeous. I do, I do.

Jack, who is this great big guy standing next to her?

Oh, yeah, that's Francis Kirk.

I used to call him Mondo Moose. He was all -state tackle.

Well, why is he pretending to blow up a football with his mouth?

He wasn't pretending.

I better be moving.

Janet, I will talk to you later. Where are you going?

I'm going to the park.

Robin. Okay.

You were meeting a girl in the park?

No, you can't. A parish forbid a girl. No, no, no, no. Janet was talking about

bird. Mr. Purley, don't you know that this is the time of year when all the

Robins come back to Will Rogers Park?

And I never met a bird I didn't like.

I didn't know you were a bird watcher. You didn't? No, that makes two of us.

Well, I'll be a white -tailed, double -breasted, mud -sucking condor.

That's an amazing coincidence, isn't it?

I'm going with you. I want to see that rabbit, too. What?

Yeah, where do I get my binoculars? Yeah, why don't you bring a blanket,

Mr. Farley?

A blanket? What for?

Yeah, to keep the cold out. You know, sometimes it takes hours before those

birds show up, right?

Right. But under that blanket, you and I are going to be warm as hot buttered

cinnamon cakes.

On second thought, I think I better take care of that toilet.

Okay, I'll take the bird, you take the plunge.

See you later, Janet.

Wait, where are you going?

To the park, by myself. I want to see that Robin.

But what about our toilet?

Oh, I've seen that lots of times.

Robin!

Rob?

Boy, you sure look great. You haven't changed a bit.

Boy, you sure have.

Huh? Well, I mean, you just look so much more mature.

Well, that goes without saying.

Would you care to have a seat, Robin?

I wasn't sure you'd even remember me. I was a

little nervous about calling you. Nervous?

Nervous? Tut -tut. There's no reason to be nervous.

Guess I just fell for you.

Jack, I... I hope I can count on you.

There's something I want you to do for me.

I was hoping you'd say that.

Jack, I want you to help me save my marriage.

Anything. I'll... Mar... You're married?

Yes.

Oh.

Well, married?

Well, you sound so surprised.

I am. It's just, you know, I never thought that big ox, Francis Kirk, would

let another guy get close enough to shake hands with you, let alone marry

Oh, he wasn't that bad.

Whatever happened to that overgrown moose anyway?

I married him. You married him? Well,

congratulations. That Francis is one lucky moose. Goose. Goose guy. He's a

guy. Terrific. Thank you.

Tell me, is he as jealous as he used to be?

That's what I wanted to talk to you about, Jack.

He's gotten worse.

What?

He follows me wherever I go.

Like I said, he's one terrific guy.

Oh, the first couple of years was beautiful.

And then he started getting jealous and suspicious.

Would you believe that he calls me from work ten times a day?

Now, now, Robin, you know, there's a lot of husbands do that.

Do they make their wives carry a beeper?

A beeper?

I wouldn't have bothered you, Jack, but Francis said that he was going to call

you. Call me? Why?

To talk about his cheating wife.

You? No, that's what he thinks, anyway.

And now he wants your advice.

Me? Why me?

Oh, because he respects you. you. He thinks you're a real brain.

Me, a brain?

He says if it hadn't been for you, he never would have made it through high

school.

Oh, no. Well, every so often when we'd have an exam, I'd let him peek at my

answers. Well, a C is better than an F.

Anyway, when he calls, would you please try to talk some sense into him?

Talk to him? Yeah, but whatever you do, do not mention that I came to see you.

If he knew that we'd been here alone, he'd snap you like a twig. Hey, Robin,

hey, don't you worry your pretty little head, okay? I can handle myself. Listen,

I was in the Navy.

That's him!

I was so busy looking for birds, I never noticed there was anyone here.

Come on, move over, Jack.

I'll whistle up a herd of robins for you.

Robin, thanks for giving me a lift home. Appreciate it. You're welcome. Listen,

can I get you anything?

Coffee, soda, a rake?

No, thanks. I'd just like to clean up. Yeah, the bathroom's right through

Oh, good.

You know, if Francis found just one little leaf on me, he'd go crazy.

Well, let's lose the leaves then, shall we?

Oh, there you are, Jack.

Hi. Do you remember an old high school pal by the name of Francis Kirk?

Yeah, did he call?

I did better than that, Jack.

I'm here.

Francis, I never expected to see you.

See, I told you he'd be surprised.

Well, I bet you two guys want to be left alone.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Yes, we do. No, but, but... Ah, Jack, I wouldn't argue with Francis.

He's a big one.

Hope you don't mind me barging in like this.

No, no, no, it's a real treat to see you again.

So thanks for stopping by.

If you're ever, ever in the neighborhood again, you know, please drop it on me.

But I've got to talk to you. You want to talk? Let's talk. Yeah. You remember

Robin Baxter?

Wasn't he the guy who used to play on Mork & Mindy?

No, no. She lived next door to you for ten years.

Oh, that Robin.

Yeah. Yeah, I married her. You didn't.

Well, imagine, congratulations, you're one lucky guy. She's cheating on me.

I don't believe that.

Well, believe it.

When we first got married, everything was great.

But lately, lately she's been acting very strange.

Strange? What do you mean strange?

I mean, some people think I'm strange, you know? When you say strange, what

of... I mean, strange has all sorts of ramifications.

She started to play tennis.

Listen, Francis, I don't know if I should be the one to lay this on you,

lot of people play tennis.

I don't.

Do you?

No, no, no, no, no. I never play it. Hey, they can't stand the racket.

See?

She's using it as an excuse to meet other men.

Now, hang on a second, Jack. Yes?

Will you talk to me? Well, I, I, I... Please!

Yeah, okay, you know something? Let's go somewhere where we can have a beer and

talk about this and relax, you know, cool out, maybe let the circulation go

ahead in my arms here a little bit.

Oh, good. You know, we can go to a place called the Regal Beagle. It has real

high feelings, so you don't bump the old noggin. Okay, Francis? That's right.

Hi, Jack.

How'd your day go? Oh, I have no time to talk now. We've got to go to the Regal

Moose. Come on, let's go.

Aren't you even going to introduce me to your friend?

Uh, Janet, this is not just a friend.

This is Francis Kirk.

Francis Kirk?

Oh, you're the guy who used to blow up footballs with your mouth.

That's me.

You got one that needs air?

The car's a little low.

I laugh at your jokes.

Janet, Francis here married a girl from my high school. A girl named Robin.

Robin? Robin.

Who's Robin?

Ask Janet. Come on, let's go have a beer. Move them out. Wait a minute, wait

minute.

Hey, I got a better idea.

Why don't you drop by my house tonight? Tonight? Yeah, that way you can talk to

Robin. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, I'd love that, you know, Frances, but I promised

girls I was going to make dinner for them tonight.

You did?

Yes, it was a surprise dinner.

Tell you what, bring the girls with you. I'll make dinner. No, no, no, we

wouldn't want to impose, would we, girls? Oh, we'd love to go.

Then it's settled.

Hi, kids.

Oh, I forgot.

I invited our landlord for dinner tonight, too. No problem, Jack. Bring

along. I'll make enough for everybody. Yeah, but forget the bus, Jack. I'm

starved. Right.

And you're in for a big treat. I'm barbecuing.

Mind if I use your phone? Please.

Well, he's a tall drink of water, isn't he?

Hello, this is Mr. Kirk.

Yeah, I'd like my wife to know we're having guests for dinner. Could you page

her on her beeper?

Thanks.

I'll see you guys at 7 o 'clock. Okay.

What was that?

What was what?

You mean my alarm clock?

You keep your alarm clock in the bathroom?

Well, sure.

Come on, use your head. You know, by the time I get in there and turn the darn

thing off, it's too late to go back to bed, so I just hop in the shower and

start the old day.

What a great idea!

Well, I better go change.

See you all later. Okay. Bye -bye, Fred. Bye -bye.

Is he gone? Yeah. Oh, good.

Who are you?

Hi.

I'm Robin, the wife you're going to meet tonight.

Jack, you must really think I'm stupid.

I didn't even tell you where I live.

Here's my address.

You don't have to understand, Mr. Furley. Just don't say anything to

about our bird watching, okay?

Why?

He hates birds, all right?

Seems like he's not too crazy about animals, either.

And this is our den.

Oh, well, this is just a lovely house.

Thanks. And what do you think of my trophies? I bagged them all myself.

Uh... They look so, uh, ferocious.

If you were hanging on a wall, you'd be mad, too.

And this is my favorite weapon, a crossbow.

Even his weapons are mad.

Get it? A crossbow.

I can't help it, Jack. I think these things gave me fleas.

Listen, everybody. My wife will be down in a minute. Meanwhile, why don't you go

on the patio and have some drinks? Oh, good. Thank you.

I'll be the bartender. You need somebody who knows what he's doing.

Great. I'll have a scotch and soda.

Sure. What kind of soda?

Orange? Grape? Shell?

Not you, Jack. What?

I've got the proof, Jack. What? I've got the proof.

She's cheating on me. What?

Robin said she was going to play tennis.

So? But instead, she came home with a case of poison oak.

Poison... When

I find the guy she was with, I'm... You wouldn't. Oh,

yes, I would.

You know, we just moved to town.

Who could it be?

She doesn't know anyone here except you.

And that would be ridiculous. Yeah, ridiculous.

Look, Francis, I can't believe she's cheating on you. Oh, you can't? No, I

she loves you.

And I know that deep in your heart, you love her too.

Yeah, but Jack. No, I know, I know. You've got that feeling in the pit of

stomach.

Feeling? It's a feeling that just grows and grows.

Did you start your own party? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm being an awful host.

I'd better see how the fire's coming.

Jack, what is the matter with you? I got poison oak.

What? Yeah, Robin and I must have picked it up when we were in the bushes

together this morning.

And you said you weren't messing around. No, no, I wasn't. I swear to... But if

Francis sees me scratching... Your head will be up there with all the other

animals.

Jack, you'd better get out of here. I'm gone. Bye.

Jack! Where are you going?

Nothing. I'm just checking out your door.

I can't go unlike that myself.

Hi, everybody. Sorry I'm late.

Robin, you remember Tripper. And these are Janet and Terry, his friends.

Nice to meet you.

Sit down, please.

Well,

it's been a long time.

Yes, you sure have changed since I saw you last.

Yeah, it seems like I've gotten just a touch of poison oak. How have you been?

Exactly the same.

Well, Jack, I suppose you'd like to be alone with Robin.

No, no, no.

Don't you old classmates have a lot to talk about?

Talk, talk, yeah, talk, yeah.

Well, food's on the fire.

Mosquitoes. Boy, they're really biting tonight.

We don't have any mosquitoes here.

Oh, hi there. I didn't expect to see you again so soon.

You know my wife? Sure. We spent the afternoon together in the bushes.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'll kill you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, Francis.

You heard him. He was in the bushes with my wife?

Bird watching.

Bird watching. Well, what else do you think she'd be doing in the bushes with

this guy?

Come on, look at him. What do you see?

I see a smooth -talking swinger.

A guy used to having his way with women.

Thanks.

I couldn't have said that better myself.

I'm going to kill you.

No, wait a minute. We were just birdwatching. Honest, if you don't

ask Jack.

I found him in the bushes with Robin, so I joined him. Mr. Furley.

I'm sorry, Jack. It was either you or me.

Well, I better check the fire.

You. You.

No, no, take it easy, Francis. No, no, no.

Your boyfriend?

Yes. Terry, he thinks that Jack has been cheating on us. Isn't that ridiculous?

Yeah.

Ridiculous.

As if he had the time.

Or the strength.

You mean that you and you and you? That's

right. And I'll tell you something. These babes are quite a handful.

They keep me hopping.

Yeah, I didn't know. I'm sorry.

Well, you're sorry. I'd like to apologize to you two girls. I should

gone birdwatching without your permission.

Well, just for that, Jack, tonight you are sleeping alone.

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

Well, I guess I could actually use a night off.

And from now on, Jack, we've decided you're going to have to carry a beeper.

That's what they always say.

Well, let's eat. Yes, let's eat.

Poor Jack.

Can you imagine living with someone as jealous as that?

I can't imagine.

I guess we're just lucky.

If you people want your hamburgers, they're up in a tree.

You know, Francis hasn't been this sweet and understanding since the day we were

married. Oh, well, let me tell you something. That's what old friends are

right? And that was some act the three of you put on for Francis.

That was no act.

It wasn't? No, no.

Do you mean that you and Janet and Terry... Yeah, that's right. They can't

their hands off me.

But, uh, don't tell either one of the girls that I said this, because they'd

probably do something crazy like... Like what, Jack?

Like, uh, like, uh, may I? Mm -hmm. Thank you. Like this.

Three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience.