Original subtitles

Come and knock on our door. Come and knock on our door.

We've been waiting for you.

We've been waiting for you.

Where the kisses are heard and heard and kissed. We've come for you too.

Come and dance on our floor.

Dance on our floor. Take a step that is new.

Take a step that is new. We've a lovable space that needs your face. We've come

for you too.

You'll see that life is a ball again after it's gone for you.

Down at our rendezvous. Down at our rendezvous. Three is company two.

Down at our rendezvous. Down at our rendezvous.

Three is company two.

Come on, Tara. It's your move.

It's open, Larry.

Hi. Listen, I need a quick answer.

My date just canceled on me. I made such big plans.

How would you girls like to have an exotic dinner with me?

Exotic dinner?

Sure. Sounds wonderful.

Oh, that's great. I just spent six bucks on Chinese takeout. I hate to see it go

to waste.

Hi, Jen, Tara, Larry.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please.

What, you got a date in a store window?

What did you do?

Just fall off a wedding cake?

No, it just so happens that I'm going to a charity party tonight with Miss

Jessica Barish.

Not the Jessica Barish. That's right, queen of the guest setters.

So what if she's rich? I'm willing to accept her faults.

What is she doing with you, Plummy?

She happens to enjoy my company, Lawrence. Oh, yeah?

Which company did you tell her you owned? AT &T or just IBM?

That's funny. Listen, Shecky, I got a favor to ask you.

Can I borrow your car for tonight?

Sure. Can I borrow Jessica tomorrow night? Larry. I'll get the keys.

Come here.

Yeah. Can I ask you a question?

Of course, Jeanette, darling, anything.

Does she think that you're rich?

Well, she knows that I own a restaurant, among other things.

What other things?

We didn't go into details.

She thinks he's rich.

You're getting in over your head, pretending to be something you're not.

Terry, I... Dad, let me ask you something.

Don't you feel silly trying to keep up with her and her rich friends?

Janet, I can keep up with that rich crowd just fine. Now, let me ask you

something. Okay. Can I borrow $30?

What? Well, look, it costs $50 per person to get in, and I paid Angelino

rent money, so I'm a little short.

Short? Okay, you can borrow my high heels.

Janet, please.

I'll pay you back Thursday.

Please, please. Oh, give it to him, Janet. I can't stand to see a grown man

Okay, okay.

All right, all right, all right.

Thank you so much. Listen, I've only got a couple of 20s, though, Terry. You

think you have change?

Oh, I think I do. Let me just take a look. You guys are great. You see that?

You're real friends, you know?

Jessica, uh, hi, uh, you were supposed to meet me at my restaurant.

Well, I got there early, and I couldn't wait to see you, so I asked your helper

where to find you, and here I am. Oh, I hope you don't mind.

Well, uh... You don't live here, do you?

Yes. What? Yes, I don't live here.

Oh.

I thought not.

Okay, Jack, here's your money. Oh, thank you. Thank you.

Uh... And if you're ever late with the rent again, it's sidewalk time.

You heard me.

Did I tell you I also dabble in real estate?

Give these tenants an inch, they'll rob you blind.

My, my, my.

Who's this vision of loveliness? That's Miss Bearish to you, Lawrence.

And out of uniform again.

My chauffeur.

You'll have to excuse his manners. He's totally lost when he's not behind the

wheel.

I'm so sorry, sir. I got carried away.

No problem, Lawrence. Very good.

We won't be needing you this evening. We're going to use Miss Barish's car.

Very good, sir.

Oh, about tomorrow, sir.

Will you be using the caddy or the rolls?

The rolls.

Very good, sir.

The blue or the green?

It doesn't matter.

Top up or down. Get out!

Whatever you say, sir.

It's so hard to get decent help nowadays, isn't it? Oh, dear.

Shall we go? Mr.

Tripper, sir, may we have a word with you?

Oh, that's all right.

I'll let you finish your business.

I'll wait downstairs. I hate to leave my Jaguar alone in this neighborhood.

Lordy, I know what you mean.

What? Hello, muffin.

Now we're just tenants.

Yes, Binky. A minute ago, we were his friends.

I didn't know what to tell her.

Why don't you try telling her the truth, Jack, that you're not rich? Yeah, she's

bound to find out sooner or later.

Then I don't have to tell her. Oh, Jack, you better tell her the truth, and you

better tell her tonight. Okay, okay.

I'll tell her that I don't have any money. Good. Because you tenants are

me blind.

Oh, Jack!

Number six, a winner. Number six, a winner.

Number 28,

black, is a winner.

Sure. Here you go, Barry.

$15 ,000 in chips.

$15 ,000? That's what everybody gets with the price of admission.

Too bad it isn't real money.

I wouldn't be giving it away then.

Side ear. For play money?

Oh, we've got to keep a strict count.

Whoever wins the most at the end of the night wins the prize.

Oh, all right.

Good evening, Miss Barry. Hello, Evelyn.

Hello, Evelyn. I'm Jack Tripper. Here's my donation.

Thank you. My pleasure.

Wow, your father lives here?

Yes.

It's, uh, nice.

Now that he's all alone, he really doesn't need a big place.

Shampoo? You got any beer?

Beer? It's just for later so I can shampoo my hair.

That's okay, Jeff. I like beer, too.

You know, that's what I love about you. You're so down -to -earth and

unpretentious. Well, it's just something I picked up at prep school.

Champagnol?

My pleasure.

Oh, I have such exciting plans for us.

Opening night at the opera, the Grand Prix in Monte Carlo, skiing the slopes

St. Moritz in the springtime.

St. Moritz?

Well, you will be able to get away, won't you?

Get away.

Jessica, there's something I have to tell you. It means a lot for me to be

to share these things with a man who's going to be my lover. Jessica, I'm not

really... You're loved?

Yes.

One of the prospects doesn't bother you, does he?

No, no, not at all.

Now, what were you going to say about St.

Marie?

I'll start whacking my skis tomorrow.

Jessica, darling, how are you? Oh, hello, Bradley.

Jack? This is Bradley and Veronica Hastings. Delighted. Brad? Ron?

Hello.

They're Hastings tissues.

Hastings tissues?

Oh, yes.

Well, I use them quite regularly, I must say. I see all your commercials.

They go, um, uh, all Hastings tissues are to blow thick, so reach

for a Hastings when you are sick.

That's marvelous. Love to have you come down to the house and sing that for

Daddy. He wrote the damn thing.

Where have you been hiding this one?

I'm not talking.

Well, you must bring him to our party next Friday.

See you then.

Wonderful. Nice to meet you, Bea. Bea, take care.

You made a hit. My friends like you. Well, I must have them come up to my

and... Play a polo match. You know, we can all horse around.

Jessica, I didn't see you come in.

Hi, Dad.

Is this the thief? Huh? The one who stole my daughter's heart?

Jack,

this is my father.

Pleasure to meet you, sir.

Don't be too sure you don't know me yet.

It seems like a nice turnout, Dad. Yes, everything's going just fine.

A couple of the waitresses didn't show up, so I've been filling in.

That's better than filling out, isn't it?

Jessica,

you finally picked a winner.

Jack,

it's good to have you with us. Thank you, sir.

You wouldn't believe some of the phonies she's brought home.

Oh, I knew you'd like him.

Well, you're not going to make any money standing around here, so come with me.

Sure.

We'll set you up. Okay.

Here's $15 ,000 in chips.

Enjoy.

$15 ,000.

$15 ,000. $15 ,000.

$15 ,000. $15 ,000.

$15 ,000.

$15 ,000. No, it's just that I thought this was going to be a real game.

A real game.

I like it. Sign here.

Huh? We've got to keep a record, so sign your real name.

Oh.

There we go.

Thank you very much.

$50 ,000.

Enjoy!

Sorry.

Hey, freeze!

No problem.

I don't want you to exert yourself, you know.

I'll get it.

No, those are yours. Let the chip fall where they may.

Come on, let's play some roulette.

Number seven red is the winner. Number seven red.

Yeah, there goes another $10 ,000. But as long as you're having fun.

That's what I always say.

Well, what shall we bet?

Uh, well, I'll bet a dollar on... That's a $100 chip, sir.

Uh -huh.

Uh,

do you have change?

$100 is the minimum bet, sir.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Of course, of course. You don't have any microchips, do you? No.

No, okay, let's see.

Eight's my lucky number, so why don't we do... Wait, hang on one second. You

know something?

17th, that's my birthday. The 17th, can't go wrong there. One second.

What month is September? Nine, right? Let me do nine for sure. Where's nine?

Jack? Yeah? You're holding up the table. Maybe, you know something? Let me do.

100 on the red.

No problem.

And play it safe.

100 on the black.

Betting on both colors, you can't win that way.

Oh, then why bother?

Maybe you'd like something a little more exciting.

Oh, I would, I would.

Crap is much more fun.

Oh, crap.

Number three, the winner, number three.

We're looking for a new shooter.

Right here. Reach for the cut.

Oh, I see. Okay.

Come on, 7 -Eleven. You have to place the bet first.

Oh, I knew that.

I was being jocular.

Let's see.

Why don't you let me place the bet?

I feel lucky.

Sure, go ahead.

Bet it all.

Wait a minute. No, no. That was a mistake. Sir, sir, can I speak? That was

mistake. Lose all your money? The man took the money.

Well, easy come, easy go.

Isn't this great?

Yeah.

Nothing like eating out of a paper box.

Actually, Larry, when you asked about dinner, kind of hoping we'd get out of

apartment. Well, if Terry doesn't mind, you and I could take this stuff up to my

place.

Just a thought.

Hey, Jack.

Hi, guys. What's happening?

Hi.

What are you doing home so early?

Oh, it's just the party was so boring.

Oh, well, why don't you come join us? No, thanks. I'm not hungry.

All right, girls, now for some fun.

It's fortune cookie time.

Oh, enough, Larry. You're spoiling us.

No, no, no. This came with the dinner.

Let me see here.

A fool and his money are soon parted.

True love has no price tag.

Man who has money to burn makes an ash of himself.

Jack,

what's the matter?

Gambling.

Come on, what's the matter? Come on. Oh, Janet, the party wasn't boring. Knock

out, I didn't even say goodbye to Jessica.

Why not?

They had gambling there.

Oh, yeah? How'd you do, pal?

I lost $15 ,000.

$15 ,000. I know, but Mr. Barish made me sign for it, and now I have to come up

with $15 ,000.

Oh, look at me. I just blew my whole water in this dinner.

Larry!

Jack, you... I lost every... Wait a minute, what's this?

Oh, I forgot about these.

Hey, we're back in business!

Larry, this is only 400 bucks. That's all we need to win your money back. Are

you crazy? That's how he got into the mess in the first place.

Don't you see?

He didn't know what he was doing. But with me by his side, we'll win all his

money back.

How can I do that?

I have a system.

He has a system.

No time to talk, Janet. Larry's got to get changed. You got to talk? Got to

talk. He's got to talk, and he's got a system. Work with me, Larry.

You think I win his money back?

Are you kidding?

Okay, then it's up to us.

We're going to have to talk to Jessica's father.

We'll tell him that Jack got carried away and that he doesn't really have

kind of money.

Do you think he'll buy that?

Well, Terry, this is a charity affair.

I mean, all they want to do is raise some money. They don't want to get

in trouble.

Oh, I don't know if it'll do any good.

Would you rather leave it up to the Chinese takeout artist?

Let's go.

And he's coming out, and he's coming out.

Seven, a winner.

Oh, wow.

Just a moment.

Huh? Where are your tickets?

Oh, we're not guests.

No, no. We just have to see Mr. Barish.

Oh, you should have been here hours ago.

What? The kitchen is back that way. You'll find your waitress uniforms

Waitress uniforms?

No, you see, we're... We're changing. We're changing right now. Come on,

What did I tell you? Look at this place.

Well, hello again, Evelyn.

Welcome back, Mr. Tripper. Nice to be back. Thank you, thank you. Abby?

Excuse me, sir.

Do you have a ticket?

How much are they?

Fifty dollars.

Even for the press?

Oh, are you with a newspaper?

You better go in without me, Jack. I should be covering that party at the

Western White House.

Oh, wait, please.

Mr.

Scoop! Dallas is the name.

Mr. Dallas, could you give us a few minutes?

It's a very, very worthy cause.

Well, if it's for a worthy cause.

Do you have any complimentary chips?

Uh, excuse me. Come on, excuse me.

Now, how do we find out which one Jessica's father is?

Well, ask somebody.

I think of that.

Excuse me, sir.

Well, well.

A tasty dish carrying a tasty dish.

I don't know which one to try first.

Try this.

Four, four. A field roll four.

Hurry up, Larry. How long does it take for this system of yours to get started?

Jack. What do I bet on? I'm working on it. Let's see.

First of five came up. Then a nine.

Then a crap.

And that gorgeous redhead hat.

Larry, but you... Hey, all right.

Bet it all on 11.

Or maybe it's nine.

What? 11. 11, the winner.

11. I won. I won.

You see, my system works every time.

Larry, look at that. I doubled my money.

We'll never find him at this rate. I know.

All right, Mr. Barris, now.

Oh, God.

Wait. I'm not done.

Why not?

Well, you know, if they couldn't afford it.

Couldn't afford it? We're not playing with real money.

You're not?

No, this is for fun.

Now, who would be stupid enough to think this was for real?

You just have to know what you're doing, you know?

Talk to me again. Make it work.

Move it, Mama!

Hi!

That's $30 ,000!

Leave him alone, he's hot.

Look, you better be some kind of lady tonight.

partner. I have to talk to you. Not now, he's on a roll.

Hum, baby, hum, baby, hum, baby.

No, never, no, never.

Look at this.

Excuse me, who needs your tissues from now on? I'm going to blow my nose and

$100 bill. Excuse me.

Jack, you came back. Oh, did I ever? Look at all this money I won.

fool of yourself. You know perfectly well this isn't real money. Maybe not to

you, but to a poor guy like me, this is a fortune.

Poor? Well, I was, but not anymore.

You mean you lied to me? Just a little bit. I will make it up to you in

Samaritz, okay? Come on.

Seven!

Another winner for that!

Oh, yeah, you're $30. Here you go, sweetheart.

Give something to the blonde woman.

There's more where that came from, sweetheart.

Well, you're certainly the big winner tonight.

Well, you said it, Thompson. You can say it again.

Ladies and gentlemen, the big winner tonight is Mr.

Jack Pipper.

Where's the money?

Well, the cup is the prize.

Is it worth $100 ,000? Of course not.

Wait a minute.

Don't tell me you thought you were gambling for real money.

I think there's someone I want you to meet.

Gladly.

See that, Larry? Everybody's walking out on me.

You talking to me, stranger?

This is the worst night of my life.

Come on. Not that bad.

Yeah, come on. Cheer up.

Terry, I lost my girl. I lost my self -respect.

I lost my play money?

You know, the only consolation is I don't have anything else to lose.

Wait a minute.

It was my system. It's my cup.

Want to go home now?

I'd like to go into a deep hole and never come out.

Oh, come on. At least you learned a lesson from all this.

Yeah, that I did.

Yeah. Don't try to be something that you're not.

And don't ever lie about yourself. Try to remember that.

Excuse me.

Didn't we meet in the Bahamas?

No.

Sorry.

I think it was Monte Carlo.

See you back at the beach house.

Three's company was videotaped in front of a studio audience.