Original subtitles

Where are you taking me to today, Mr. Crowman, your generosity?

Mrs. Thurston's cornfield. The wheat's almost ripe, and I want you on guard to

keep away the stylings and the blackbirds. That's right across the road

where my Aunt Sally lived, isn't it?

I'll be able to watch her doing the gardening and hanging up on

Here, Mr. Crowman.

Who's that funny -looking scarecrow coming down the road?

I don't believe I know.

Good day to you, Mr. Croman, sir. As you can see, I'm back.

Good gracious, is that you, Weavley, sweet?

It is, Your Honor. Of course.

How could I not have recognized one of my finest creations?

Yes, a superb piece of craftsmanship, if I do say so myself.

That head alone took three weeks' work. And look at the finish. The detail

around the mouth.

I don't see what's so special about him. He's just turnip twigs and straw like

the rest of it. Yes, but what a turnip.

Won the grand prize at the annual horticultural fair.

Weighed in at six pounds, three ounces.

And the straw, specially imported.

Buying his Indian hemp for durability.

No, Wurzel, this is not your average run -of -the -mill scarecrow. This is top

of the line.

Fine as I get.

Thank you, Your Honor.

But as remarkable as I may be, I'll never forget who it was that married me.

I should hope not.

But what are you doing here?

I thought you were on long... term loan to Brownberry Orchard in Gisborne.

They sold up, Your Honour.

I was given the push.

That's why I'm here, to see you, to see if there's any work for me.

Trade work is very hard to come by at the moment.

Demand has dropped off.

You heard what the crewman said.

There ain't no work for you round here, so push off.

However, a fine scarecrow such as yourself oughtn't to go to waste.

Come inside, Weavley Swede.

I'm sure you'd like a cup of tea, and we'll talk it over.

Mr. Cromancer, ain't you going to take me to Mrs.

Thurston's like what you promised?

Plenty of time for that, Wurzel.

It's not every day we have a visitor.

Come, Weavely Swede.

I think I also have a nice piece of sponge cake as well.

Sponge cake?

And how do you feel about a lengthy stay in Peawockawocka? As long as there are

lots of birds to scare Mr. Clemens, sir, all weevil is more than happy to make

himself available.

Oh, how I wish all my scarecrows were as cooperative as you are, diligent, good

-natured. And hard -working.

Hard -working.

If you don't mind me saying so, Mr. Clemens, sir, I couldn't help but notice

lot of birds around Peawockawocka, and I reckon you need a good scarecrow in the

area. Well, you may be right.

But in any case, weenie sweet, it's a pleasure to have you around again.

It'll be an even bigger pleasure to see the back of him.

Hold it, Wurzel. You've already had your share.

But I only had one slice, your holiness.

He's had one slice and another and another after that. And he shall have

slice after that if he so desires.

Wurzel, offer him the plate.

And tell me about brown cherry orchids.

Did they treat you well while you were there? Oh, yes, very well indeed, Mr.

Cromer, sir. Had a nice posting in a field with a good view of the

and lots and lots and lots of pleasure.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Cromer, sir. It slipped. It were an accident. It's

Please excuse Wurzel's clumsiness. Waiting was never his forte.

For the tea, please, Wurzel. For the tea, yes, Mr. Cromer, sir. Straight

Mr. Cromer. And did they store you away carefully during the winter months?

Oh, yes, Mr. Cranston. They keep me all neat and tidy in the dry spot.

Hello, sir. What on earth are you doing? Oh, dear.

I don't know what's come over me, Mr.

Cromantor. I'd fix out a bit how to practice pouring tea and such.

Well, don't just stand there. Go and get a cloth and clean it up.

No, on second thought, stay here and I'll get it myself.

Yes, sir, Mr.

Cromantor.

Oi. You.

Come here.

Are you going to clear off or ain't you?

Eh? You heard what I said.

You ain't wanted here, so go on, fling your hook. I soon as it's arrived.

Do you want me to tear both your arms out of your sockets? Or would you rather

took that prize head of yours and shoved it up the chimney?

There you is. I was just telling our friend Weavley, sweetie, how very nice

was of him to come down here and visit. Enough. I will not have my guests

intimidated. Out.

Some tea, Weavley?

Thank you, Mr. Kermit, sir.

I've lived.

Will you be taking me up to Mrs. Thurston's corny field now, Your

Eminence?

I'm as keen as mustard to give them pesky old birds a fright.

There's been a change of plan.

And what change of plan might that be, Your Excellency?

Decided not to take you to Mrs Thurston's cornfield, after all. But you

me that job, so I could visit me aunt Sally, what lives across the road.

I made no such promise.

I'm afraid that position is already filled.

So I'm taking you back to your old posting at Frog's Inn. But you can't,

can't put me back there, Mr Gromancer.

It's unhealthy.

What with the rising damp and the froggies and that green mouldy stuff

up my trousers.

I've already thought of that.

These will be ample protection against the damp.

But, Mr. Cromancy, you don't understand. No arguments.

Get in the truck.

Yes, Your Eminence.

Get off my seat!

Before we go, Mr.

Cromancy, do you mind if I ask you a question?

If I ain't going up to Mrs. Thurston's cornfield,

Oh, wait.

Wurzel, that is none of your concern. Just do as you're told.

It's him, isn't it?

It's him. He's got me job.

You've given him my job. Be silent. To me, it's unfair, Mr. Corman.

You broke your word. That ain't honest.

What was that, Wurzel?

Tidy.

Oh, who's that there?

Why, it's Hanselman.

Be gone from this place, you feathered creatures.

Leave this field no more.

Oh, he has such a way with words.

I had never seen a scarecrow quite so eloquent.

He won't. He won't. Be gone from this place. Go on.

I might just as well be rotting on a composty.

We're all right till that weevily swede turned up.

Him with his dandy clothes and his big bird -scaring talk.

He's got the crow man eating out of his hand.

And as old Wurzel's very much mistaken, before very long he'll have Aunt Sally

eating out the other end.

You can just see him, the sweet talker there with that honey -coated tongue of

his. lowering their defences with hoops of tea and slices of cake.

I'm sorry, Mr.

Crowmancer, but I's a scarecrow, and a scarecrow follows his heart.

Love comes before duty.

Do or not eat.

Oh, my God!

I'm done with this.

Backward arm flourish for the full spin.

Oh,

I do declare that most accomplished.

But the one that really gives them birdies the willies is the double arm

overhead wave with the ergo call and kookaburra twist.

These here strawberries ought to do the trick.

It's nothing my Aunt Sally likes better than a nice juicy strawberry or three.

I knew it.

That jumped -up bag of rubbish, he's caught in my Aunt Sally.

I'll teach him to go and defer him when I intend it.

What's he doing now?

He's doing kissy -kissy. That's what he's doing.

Well, that does it.

I'll bust his personate nose and I'll snap his swiggy neck into twelfty

Hey, you!

You leave my Aunt Sally alone.

That's my intended.

You've got no business slobbering over her. If anyone's going to do any

slobbering, it's going to be me.

It's you, Russell Gump, which might have known you'd have come along and stick

your big nose in where it isn't needed. But Aunt Sally... You're making an utter

nuisance of yourself like the smelly, bumbling scarecrow that you is.

Can't you see I'm making polite conversation with this gentleman here?

Gentlemen! He ain't no gentleman. He's an interpolar. And you've got no

smooching with him.

Smooching? Not smooching. We wasn't smooching. He was just being chivalrous.

then I suppose you being a ignorant, clod -hopping peasant, you wouldn't know

the difference, I suppose.

No, I'm sorry.

What? Yes, I'm sorry. So why don't you push off and leave us polite folk to our

small talk?

Now!

I've been and gone and squashed me strawberries.

I'm telling you, I'd never take them now they're squashed.

On the other hand, I think I know someone who'd really appreciate them.

Hello, Weavley, sweet. How you doing?

If you've come to threaten me, you're wasting your breath, because you don't

scare easy.

I ain't come to threaten you, Weavley.

No. No, I ain't come to threaten you at all.

You see, I've had a good think about this, and I've decided that I really

mind that you've pinched both me financie and me job, and I've come to

my apologible.

Apologible's accepted, Russell Gummidge. I've also decided to show you there's

no hard feelings, I'd like to offer you one of me straw breaks.

Oh, strawberries?

I like nothing better than strawberries.

Wait a minute.

How do I know you won't grab the old lot?

I wouldn't do that.

Yeah, but how do I know you wouldn't? Perhaps I'd better not risk it. I'm

to this one, this one. I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll tie both your hands up in front of you, and then you can pick one out with

your teeth.

That way you won't be tempted to take more than one at a time.

Sounds fair to me.

Strawberries. Oh, I love strawberries.

Put your hands there.

There you are.

That's it.

Get the strawberry.

Oh, strawberry.

Oh, it's been a long time since strawberry. Are you ready?

Go on, then.

What are you doing?

You're going to get smarty pants now, aren't you?

You pushed him off the cliff.

Murderer! I heard the murderer were in accident. He fell over the cliff

Accident, my foot! You pushed him over!

You've done him in! You'd better come quietly. Don't say anything funny.

Well,

don't you sit naked after him!

Quick!

You're wasting your time.

He's away on holiday.

On holiday?

When's he coming back?

Two or three weeks.

Have I seen you before?

No, mister, you haven't.

That's a good thing, isn't it?

It's a bad business, all right.

I've seen his place around.

I just can't think where.

Not much chance of catching him now, I don't reckon.

He's bound to have shot through.

Mind you... I plan to keep my eyes open for that three grand reward they're

offering.

Excuse me.

Did you just mention reward?

Oh, $3 ,000.

Have you seen him?

Me? I don't meet with common criminals.

I've seen him before in my life.

Yeah, Aunt Sally, when you say elopes, do you mean elopes as in running away

to get married?

Of course I means it. What else?

And does it mean we could start life afresh as young newlyweds and go to some

place where nobody knows what I've done, where we could have a nice little house

with a garden and a white pickle fence and everything?

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh, Aunt Sally, if you really means it, you'll make old Wurzel the happiest

scarecrow in the whole wild world.

Why means it?

Well, in that case, Aunt Sally, how about a little kiss, just for starters?

Kiss? Yeah, you can plant it right here.

Well, go on, what are you waiting for?

Oh,

Aunt Sally, I'm looking forward to a lot more of them.

After we's married, of course.

Yes, well, you wait. Here, while I go to the police.

While I go and pack a few things. Don't let anyone else see you.

Yes, Aunt Sally.

Anything he says, Aunt Sally.

Because our words will love you.

Warren, the crow loves a field full of corn.

I reckon you're more beautiful than roses, Aunt Sally.

roses sprinkled with morning dew or a parsnip freshly plucked with the mud

clinging to its side.

When he walks down the aisle and the church bells are clanging and the

asks if he does or he doesn't and you start weeping and snivelling with joy.

Old Worth will take you in his arms and he'll kiss you before the whole

conglomeration.

And that moment will be the bestest moment in his whole empty life.

Here you are, sir. Your pee -walker walker tonight.

With extra mangan juice.

Of course, Mr. Cranmer. Just as you requested.

Hello.

Who have we got here?

Oh, hello, it's you, Rufus. Yes.

What would you like to tell me?

It's like it's supposed to be. That news.

It wasn't wanted.

It wasn't wanted by the police.

Yes.

Russell.

Russell, wake up.

Oh, hello, Aunt Sally.

Is me ready to go?

Oh, yes, Russell, we is.

That's good, because I got a funny feeling if I hangs around here much

I's gonna get nicked.

Wurzel Hedgerow Gavage.

Here, I'll take that.

What about a cup of tea for me, then? What do you think of this? A blimmin'

youth hostel.

Thank you very much.

There you go. Is that all?

Thank you very much. Then what about me cup of tea? I can let you have a couple

of wine, but get stuffed if he doesn't want to get, though. Thank you very

Right,

I'm just popping out for ten minutes.

Don't you go wandering off.

That was him, too. I'd recognize that whistling anywhere.

Oi!

Well, I did not pollute it.

That's Weebly Swede.

Oi, Weebly! Where are you going?

Who wants to know?

Well, me.

You great big bag of signage. Where's your gummage?

Down here, by your feet.

Oh,

you are the gummage.

What are you doing down there, then? Never mind about that. What are you

up there? You're supposed to be dead.

Was I?

Yeah. Don't you remember? You fell off a cliff.

Did I?

I remember scaring birds in Mrs Thurston's cornfield.

Then I remember waking up on a shingle pit with this nasty bump on the end.

Then you don't remember me not pushing you, then?

No, I don't remember that.

Oh, what's that on your hand?

Oh, that chocolate macaroon.

There's hundreds of them down here.

And you can have all the cups of tea you can swallow.

Is this a hotel you're staying in?

A hotel, yes, right. Yeah, this is a hotel.

I've always wanted to stay in a hotel and eat chocolate macaroons.

Just didn't think I could book myself in then.

Oh, I don't know about that.

They're very busy this time of year.

But I'll tell you what, you can have my room if you like.

You see that I was such a good friend.

Thank you very much.

How does that get in, then?

Just go round the front.

You find the key hanging on the wall outside my room.

Right -o.

See you in a minute.

Hotel Chocolate Macaroon.

The keys are on the wall over there.

It's the big one. It's the big one.

Come on, then. Open the door.

There we are.

Here we go.

Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons.

Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons.

Macaroons. Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Macaroons. Macaroons. Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Macaroons.

Can I help you, madam?

Well, I seriously hope so. I've come for my reward.

For the gummage cake.

That's right.

I'm the one who shopped you.

So you are. So you are.

Just one moment, and I'll write you out a check.

Well, come on. I'm not all day. I've got a lot of shopping to do. I'm going to

buy myself a very expensive evening dress, a few pairs of high heels, and

or four dozen cream cake.

Cream cakes?

I could do with some cream cakes.

Especially if they've got no chocolate macaroons.

Waverly sweet!

What are you doing here?

I'm waiting for room service, and I've been waiting for quite a while. This

hotel's not all it's cracked up to be.

Just a moment. What name did you call him?

Wurzel Gummidge. His name is Wurzel Gummidge. Now, give me the money. No,

one moment.

Come here, you.

What?

Are you Wurzel Hedgerow Gummidge?

No, I am not. I'm Wheatley Swede.

Wheatley Swede? But according to my brief, you were murdered on the morning

the 17th by Wurzel Gummidge.

He was.

I saw it.

And if he was, what's he doing in the cell? And where's the suspect?

And how can he be a suspect if he's dead?

Well, that's your problem.

I can't be expected to know everything.

Now give me the money. It's mine.

Young woman, you are in very serious trouble.

Hands off me. I'll have you know that I am a lady.

Maybe. But it seems to me that you've laid a false complaint and tried to

defraud the police department out of $3 ,000. Now, until I get this matter

sorted out, I'm putting you in here with your half -witted accomplice.

I can't stay here with him.

I'm not a common jailbird.

I'm an Aunt Sally.

An Aunt Sally.

Oh, shut up.

I hope you both realise the trouble and inconvenience you've put me through.

I don't want anything like this ever to happen again.

What are you going to do with it now?

I've deliberated at some length, and I've decided that the best course of

is to put your rivalry to constructive use.