Original subtitles

She loves me not.

She loves me not, not, not.

Not me not. Dang, that's getting all middle of the matter.

Aunt Sally,

you dropped all your pretty flowers, but I binged for you special.

Aunt Sally, Aunt Sally, wait.

It's me, your dearly beloved Wurzel, what loves you.

Come back here, you pretty flowers.

Or else I'll knock your silly wooden head off.

All right, then.

Bubbles, do you?

You see if I care.

Oh, my marigold.

My daisies, my green hands, the apples of my eyes, plundered. How many were

there, Milky? I don't really know. As I count them, Miss Forslake, I'd say about

ten bunches of marigolds, little dandy.

Idiot. How many in the gang? It wasn't a gang, Miss Frost. I think it was just

the one man. More of a tramp. That daft fellow who hangs around the village.

Just one tramp.

And a hefty brute like you who stood by and let him do this. I had my hands full

of your eggs and butter. I ought to see Miss Frost.

Don't look at me, Miss Frost. I was carrying this. The vicar had it on

from my shop that...

Didn't get on with his grandfather clock.

Could you have clocked him with it? The vicar? The tramp, you idiot!

I certainly could not. This clock is an antique.

It has a very delicate mechanism. That tramp will have a very delicate

when I finish with him. Which way did he go, Milky?

Toward Tenacre.

Come along!

If we take your float, we might be able to catch them. And you, Mr.

Ramsbottom, will need a bit of muscle.

Well, we might use you as a witness anyway. But I've got to get back to my

antique shop, particularly if there's unsavory characters in the area. And

about my milk round? There's all those senior citizens waiting for their

yoghurt. Come along!

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me, not me not.

He loves me, not me not.

She don't love me at all.

You disgusting, revolting, common scarecrow. Making an exhibition of

yourself. What exactly do you think you were doing all?

I was weeping and sniveling on salad.

And pulling the wings off these pretty flowers is what I give you. And who gave

you permission to pray?

No one. I don't need no ignition for the weeping snivel.

I can weep and snivel till the cows come home and no one can stop me. I wasn't

infrearing to your disgusting, weeping and snivelling Wurzelgummage. I was

infrearing to you pulling my pretty flowers to bits. And what are they doing

lying about on the dirty, filthy ground?

Well, you chucked him, man, not me.

Chucked him?

Chucked him?

Dropped him, you mean. And when a lady, such as what I is, drops something,

Wurzelgummage, a gentleman, if he is a gentleman, usually picks him up. So get

on with it, you half -witted haybag. And be quick about it. Yes, I'm telling

you.

with Wurzel's lovin' collopements.

Only don't drop them this time.

I'll drop what I want, where I want. Actually, Aunt Sally, of course you do.

Here, shove your pretty flowers in that.

Ah, it's very nice.

Or even noise. Must be nasty common human peoples.

Here he is, the flagger!

There's after me straw, Aunt Sally.

We'd best run for it.

Really? What's your predicament to me, pray?

Well, those are our flowers.

That's his buckle.

Wait. Wait a minute.

He's just vanished. Got clean away.

Now he managed that.

Wait a minute. What's that?

That's just a scarecrow. Yes, that's all it is.

What's that down there?

Isn't that the girl he was with? Well, I'm bothered.

Why are you bothered, Mr.

Adamsbottom? Oh, in the grass. My Aunt Sally, a valuable antique. She is very

valuable. What's it doing in a ditch? Oh, don't ask me, Miss Fosdyke. She's

missing for a fortnight, stolen by gypsies, I thought. Like that villain,

messed up with my gun?

More than likely.

It's always getting pinched, just vanishes and turns up like a bad penny.

In truth, I'd be glad to see the back of her.

You know what that is, of course.

Yes, that's a genuine antique fairground, Aunt Sally.

19th century, of course.

1872.

Is Mr. Shepherd here today?

No, the old rogue's retired.

I've bought up all his old stock.

Yes, it came from a travelling fair in Somerset, he tells me.

They've made them Widdicombe.

They don't make them like that these days.

Fashioned by a craftsman, she was.

Undoubtedly. Carved by a fifth plumber.

The elder, of course.

You seem to be quite an authority on our cellies.

Oh, my card.

Professor Pike.

The Waka Waka Museum of Folk History, Wellington, New Zealand.

How soon can you ship it out to me?

Oh, right away, of course.

Once we've settled our priorities.

You mean end, of course.

Zooneland.

Zooneland.

Pity you're on your holidays, Mr. Crowman.

Otherwise you could have told a poor ignorant scarecrow where Zooneland is.

On the other hand, this is where you is on your holidays.

Otherwise you'd have stopped me going, wouldn't you?

But going I is.

Of course, wherever me Aunt Sally goes, Wurzel follows.

And I'll follow her and follow her and follow her till there ain't no more

following left.

Aunt Sally?

Yes?

Are you there, Aunt Sally?

Yes, of course I'm there, you stupid clod of hers. I wouldn't have said yes,

would I?

No, Aunt Sally.

You just said no.

Wurzel? Yes, Aunt Sally?

I'm hungry. Have you got any chocolate?

Milk or plain?

Milk. Sorry, I ain't got no milk, Aunt Sally. Very well, plain then, you

exasperating scarecrow.

I ain't got no plain neither.

What chocolate do you have?

I ain't got no chocolate, Aunt Sally.

Oh, well, you wouldn't have, being thoughtless and stupid.

Oh, well, just have to wait till we get to New Zealand, that's all.

Here, Aunt Sally, what's New Zealand like, anyway?

Very nice little town, from all I've heard.

Twice as better in America.

It must be quite far, too, judging from what my stomach just said. If you're to

be my horned escort in New Zealand, Wurzel Gummidge, which I suspect is what

you're a -doing -of, following me like this, just keep your straw -bag stomach

out of it.

Anything you said, Aunt Abby. And another thing, in case we do get

when they roll out the red carpet for me and you have to get into New Zealand

through the servant's entrance, just remember, I'm staying at a big house

Pickawockawickawickle. Please pick -a -buckle -buckle -buckle. Or is it pick

-buckle -buckle?

Pick -a -buckle -buckle -buckle -buckle. Yes.

Where to?

Yes, Aunt Sally.

Willie, Willie, Willie, Willie Waltz.

Don't worry, Aunt Sally. Old Wurzels are coming.

Have you seen a brown paper parcel around here?

I have.

Well, which way did it go?

Ah, well, to tell you the truth, it didn't go anywhere. It's in the boot

cupboard. In the boot cupboard?

They stuffed my poor old Aunt Sally in the boot cupboard?

Have they indeed?

Now, who'd do a thing like that?

That's what I'm asking you, you big lummox. And you said it's how you'd see

that. That I did not. I said I'd seen a brown paper parcel. I know you did, but

she was in it.

No. There you're mistaken.

There's nothing in there but a pair of me boots back from the mended. A pair of

your boots? And, dang me, you're a slippery talker, making me stand here

me time.

Ah!

Ah -ha!

Ah -ha -ha!

Excuse me. I humbly beg your pardon.

I should have recognized you straight away.

What's the matter with you? Don't you recognise the scarecrow greeting when

hear this?

I do not. Well, ain't you a scarecrow? A what?

A scarecrow!

No, I ain't a scarecrow. And I'll say goodbye to you.

Dang it.

If he ain't a scarecrow, why does he have to know what I am?

looks like trouble.

Say them lovely words again.

Top of the morning to you. Is it yourself?

Well, it kind of is myself.

What do you think it is?

I'm thinking you've been sleeping rough.

Of course I've been sleeping rough.

I try to sleep in smooth, but every time I nod off, I get so crumpled and

crumpled. There's no call to go without a roof over your head these days.

There's many an empty cottage hereabouts.

Whereabouts? Hereabouts.

Whereabouts, hereabouts?

Listen, if you go through the wood, you'll find a fine place to live in.

Bigger nor littler?

Yes.

Tis like this. If it's a big place you're after, you'll find it smaller

that. But if it's a small place you want, you'll find it bigger.

Bigger, not smaller.

Smaller, not bigger.

Hello. You've been scared stiff, haven't you?

It's after a little hours already.

What are you doing with that there spade?

What spade?

You were going to smash it down on my pretty little head, weren't you? No,

certainly not, Aunt Sally. You were going to interrupt me, weren't you?

Construct you? No, Aunt Sally, I wasn't going to construct you. Keep it with me.

Certainly not, Sally.

Anything you say, Aunt Sally.

Thank you.

I... You should not have done that, poor old Wurzel.

I thought you was a burglifier.

A burglifier?

Me a burglifier? Do I look like a burglifier?

No, of course not, Aunt Sally. And even if I was a burgl... Hey, where have you

been hiding, I'd like to know?

Hiding?

Me? I haven't been hiding nowhere. I've been looking for you everywhere and

everywhere. What took you so long about it?

Oh, I'm sorry, Aunt Sally, but there was not a lot of everywheres to look in.

Yes, well... Now you're here, you can go and get me my breakfast.

Yes, I do. What would you like? Some pistols? Help some grass?

Pistols and grass?

Where do you think we are, America?

I don't know. I'm so hungry.

I haven't even had yesterday's tea yet.

Look at the state of me. How can I be properly received into society with my

pretty dress on?

Well, you just leave that to old Wortham, darling.

I can get you another pretty dress off a clothesline.

You just stop your snivelling and your weeping and your blubbering. And don't

worry your pretty little wooden head no more.

I can't help weeping and the blubbering. I'm so unhappy.

I want to go home.

Home? But you is home, Aunt Sally.

You're with me. You're with your old Wurzel.

And you can stay here forever and ever and ever.

And live with me in my little big house.

little big house.

Your little big house. I love you knew that this is my little big house. Oh,

it isn't, you worm -riddled old skitter. I was here first.

Oh, no, you wasn't, you smelly old nose -back. I was here first.

No, you wasn't. Oh, yes, I was.

No, you wasn't. Oh, yes, I was.

Wasn't, wasn't. Was, was, was.

Mr. Gummidge, I presume?

Mr. Crowman, your unexpectedness.

What are you doing in Dunedin?

It's what you're doing here that concerns me.

You've got a new hat, I see, Mr.

Crowman. It's a very nice new hat. It is an old one.

And a new hat.

Here,

just as I thought.

You ain't Mr. Crowman at all, is you, Mr. Crowman, sir? I am not the Crowman,

Wurzel, but I am a Crowman.

There is a Crowman for every country who cannot escape us.

What happened to his reverence? I mean, what's his eminence doing?

Your creator is busy writing volume two of his history of the Scarecrow.

He has put you in my charge.

You're making your pardon, sir.

Then you ain't a real proper Crowman.

what the crewman is, is he? We are all proper crewmen. Yeah, but you can't do

magic like what the real proper crewman can, can you?

No.

He hunt for that, didn't he, Your Honor?

You'll never catch me giving your eye any flip like that. Oh, no, no, no.

Because I was properly brung up.

Aunt Sally, is it not?

How to do, Your Honor? What are you going to do with him now? Chuck him on a

bonfire?

No, Your Magicianship.

Don't show me a no crackly thing, please.

Shall I collect some firewood, Your Grace?

I think I already see a certain wooden figure that'd make excellent firewood,

don't let us detain you, Aunt Sally.

But, excuse me, and with great apologies, Your Honour, but this happens

little big house. On the contrary, it now happens to be mine.

Workshop at the back, plenty of light, twigs without number.

Yes, it's quite an improvement on my little cottage with the rain coming

the roof. And I shall be able to keep an eye on you, Wurzel Hedro Gummidge.

Oh, you don't have to keep an eye keeping on me, Mrs. O 'Neill and

No, no, Wurzel.

No, because whatever Mr.

Crowman proper may have told you, I don't get in the midst of no more, no.

given all that up, Mr. Crowman, number two, sir. I hope so, Wurzel, I hope so.

Very nice, very nice indeed.

But where am I going to live, Prince? Exactly where you were destined to live.

The Museum of Folk History, Pewocka Wocka.

I'm going to live in a museum where I belong.

Where are you going to live? Heaven knows.

Probably in a ditch, I shouldn't wonder.

That ain't right what she said, your animus, is it?

I mean, of course, you're graciously welcome to live in my little big house,

I don't really have to live in no ditch, does I? Oh, I don't think so, Wurzel.

We can do better than that.

Now, where do scarecrows usually live? Or rather...

Where are scarecrows usually supposed to live?

Well, you know quite well your own imagination in the middle of some pesky

field.

Gee, wait a minute, though.

Over here in Zuneiden, there ain't no business in no field for you to put me

is there?

Follow me, Wurzel.

You know what to do?

If it don't seem fair, Mrs. O 'Neill and Crowman, sir, I mean, what if I were

run over by a bus? Wurzel, to your post!

Yes, right away.

Haven't we forgotten something?

My apologies, Wurzel.