All language subtitles for The.Last.Drive-in.with.Joe.Bob.Briggs.S33E12.Crocodile.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-Welcome back
to "Jaws" rip-off...

I mean, Ecological Horror Night
at "The Last Drive-In."

And I don't know about you,
Darcy,

but the next movie
that we're going to show

is sort of what film
with a capital "F" is all about,

wouldn't you say so?

-You mean "F" for fucked up?

-No! I mean,

like, every film student should
study this film in detail.

It should be explicated
and deconstructed

and dissected
for its groundbreaking use

of narrative structure,
its stunning visuals,

its philosophical exploration
of human existence,

its search for meaning
in a multicultural,

futuristic world
that is nevertheless subject

to the depredations
of prehistoric appetites.

-Did I get mixed up about
what we're showing tonight?

-You know what
we're showing tonight, Darcy?

-I hope so.

-I sent out postcards last week.

-Postcards?
-Yes.

I sent out postcards
to the 40 largest film schools

in the nation, letting them know
that on this night,

we would be celebrating
the 47th annivers...

Well, actually, it
might be the 46th anniversary

if you classify it as a Thai
film instead of a Korean film.

-Have we ever seen
a Thai film before?

-No.

-Maybe there's a reason
for that.

-I hope you don't intend that

as a disparagement of the
Bangkok film industry, Darcy.

They have been known
to produce films

that are circulated in private
theaters around the world.

-Because they depict
"around the world"?

-Sometimes.

Nevertheless, I let the world of
cinema know that on this 46th,

well, we're showing
the 1981 United States release,

so it might be
the 44th anniversary,

although unfortunately,

we don't have the opening scene
of the Dick Randall version,

Dick Randall being, of course,

the producer
of the immortal "Pieces,"

which included two
topless beach babes eaten alive

by a giant creature.

But if that is your version
of this classic,

then it's the 43rd anniversary.

But, you see, that's the beauty
of "Crocodile."

Yes, "Crocodile" is
our second feature tonight.

"Crocodile," the movie
that could be said

to have been conceived,

written, photographed, edited,
distributed,

edited again, edited again,
edited again,

edited yet again
in a dream world

of Asian fantasy brainstorming.

The beauty of "Crocodile" is
that there are many crocodiles.

It's like the movie itself
is a palimpsest.

-It's a what?

-A palimpsest.
-Okay.

-One of those manuscripts

that has many layers
because they're written

over the same parchment
time and time again.

So, a palimpsest of present

and past overlapping visions
of Asian horror.

There's the crocodile
on the screen.

There's the crocodile
in the special-effects lab.

But most important, there's
the crocodile in your heart,

your own private crocodile.
-Shut up!

-A place where your guiltiest
vestigial organ holds court.

-I quit,
I frickin' quit. I just quit.

-Darcy the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen!

Here to guide us

and titillate us
and bring wisdom and hijinks...

-"Crocodile"!

-...through the process
of drive-in-film criticism.

You can email her.
You can DM her.

You can Insta-friend her.

There are many things
you can do to her,

but you can't fool her

when it comes
to giant crocodile movies.

She's the authority on
gigantic carnivorous vertebrates

rampaging through
tangled swamps.

-Am I?
-Of course you are!

-Okay.

-And that's
why I need you tonight.

-We're talking
about the same movie, right?

-You will laugh. You'll cry.
You'll cry crocodile tears.

You'll salute the beast.

Yes, I'm talking
about "Crocodile."

-"Crocodile"!
I feel you've gone mad, sir.

-Mad for amphibians,
yes, I have.

Are you ready to pull
on some party boots

and saddle up for this?

-Oh, I got em, baby. Let's go.
-All right.

What we have here
is "Crocodile,"

also known as "Crocodile Fangs,"

also known as
"Horror of the Crocodile,"

the sensitive story
of Tony Akom,

an overworked doctor

who doesn't have time
for his wife and daughter.

So, he gets guilted
into a seaside vacation

with his friend John,
who is also a doctor

and who is engaged
to the sister of Tony's wife.

Since all three women look
great in bikinis,

they're having
a blast frolicking on the beach

until, unfortunately,
a giant crocodile

swims up and eats the wife,
the fiancée,

and even the teenage girl,

basically wiping out
the entire female cast.

And Tony feels so much guilt

that he decides
to go full Roy Scheider

and hunt down
the slimy super beast with John

and a fisherman named Tanaka.

So the three of them go trolling
around the ocean on a trawler,

baiting giant hooks, tossing
out barrels of chemical bait

until a journalist canoes up
and demands to be in the movie

because he's one
of the producers.

And pretty soon we got
a showdown with the giant croc.

Sure, we've seen it before.

We've actually seen it
many times before,

but have we seen it with graphic

on-screen water buffalo
consumption?

I think not!

So, let's take a look at those
drive-in totals and get started.

We have 43 dead bodies,
2 dead crocodiles,

1 dead water buffalo, 4 breasts,
3 whangdoodles,

6 bewtocks, 1 beast,

one atomic-powered hurricane
with flaming palm trees,

death by sudden sinkhole,
death by giant waves,

death by giant crocodile,
crocodile POV,

sweaty aardvarking,

one crocodile-expert
consultation,

one crocodile research montage,

one wings-of-an-eagle tattoo,

one completely ineffective
steel crocodile trap,

crocodile attack mapping,

Thai village destruction,

with bamboo crushing,

arms roll, legs roll,

gratuitous underwater footage
of the coral reef,

gratuitous crocodile show
for the tourists,

with gratuitous animal cruelty.

Yes, Darcy, I know.
Why do they do this?

-Gratuitous.
-It's an Asian thing.

Crocodile tail fu,

explosive harpoon fu.

"Drive-In" Academy Award
nominations for Min Oo

as Tony's friend John,
for joining the croc hunt

and for saying, "I only knew
it was her

because of the engagement ring
on her finger."

Robert Chan Law-Bat
as journalist Pete

for going the extra mile
for a story

and for saying, "You guys are
headline material."

Nard Poowanai as Dr. Tony Akom
for going full "Jaws"

and for saying, "You may not
believe me, gentlemen,

but it's a giant crocodile."

And Sompote Sands,

Kazuo Sagawa, and Dick Randall
were being listed

as the director of
various versions of the movie,

and Won-se Lee,
who actually directed it.

Four stars.
Joe Bob says, "Check it out."

-Did you really give
this movie four stars?

-Hear me out, Darcy.

By the time
this episode is over,

you and everyone else
who's watching

will realize what a classic
of world cinema

we have on our hands.

-Didn't they shoot part
of this movie with bathtub toys?

-To a child, it's a bathtub toy.

In the hands
of a master filmmaker,

it's subliminal imagery
evoking the mysteries

of the oceanic depths.

-Where did you go
between movies?

-Why do you ask that?

-You didn't happen to consume
anything out of my bag, did you?

-What do you mean?
-You know, oceanic depths.

-Yes.
-Just saying.

-Oceanic depths.
-Oceanic.

-From the very beginning,

man has been trying
to destroy nature.

Perhaps one day he may succeed.

But, then again, on that day,
nature may rebel.

And this could happen.

-Winds have changed!
-Hang on.

Ah!

-Aah!

-Aah!

-Aah!

-They're probably still
at the hospital working.

It'll give you a chance
to freshen up before dinner

and look nice
for your future husband.

Oh!

-Put the luggage
in the guest room.

-Yes, ma'am.

-Ahh!

-Yes,
I caught it on the 6:00 news.

Quite a hurricane.

Practically destroyed
the island.

-Mm. Oh, thank you.

Yes, I understand it
just missed us, thank God.

-Do you think there's any truth
to it having been caused

by that atomic explosion?
-Oh, that's possible.

Anything's possible
in this day and age.

-Here, Linda. Try this.
-Oh. Thank you.

-I made it. Tony?

Thanks for inviting me here.

-Don't be silly.
It's our pleasure.

Besides, I'm the best man,
don't forget.

Next, month and you'll be
an old, married couple.

-Why don't we all
go to Pattaya, huh?

We can stay the weekend there.
That is,

if you can manage to get
a weekend off from the hospital.

-Yeah,
I think I can manage that.

They'll have to know
where I'm at.

-Just wait, Linda.

You'll see what it's like
to be married to a doctor.

They are married to their work.

-It's our duty.
We have an obligation.

-Does that mean
neglecting your family?

-Now, wait a minute.
I've never neglected you.

Oh.

-All right, now.

There's no need to start
World War III.

Sit down, honey.
It's probably the hospital.

I'll get it.
-Oh, dear.

Can't you stay home one night
without the hospital calling?

-Angela, I'm a doctor.
It's my job.

Don't make it any harder.

-He wants to go.
I'm sorry, Linda. Forgive me,

but he hasn't been home
one night this week.

-I'll come as quick as I can.
Right.

-Sorry, I must go.
-I'll come with you.

No, you stay.

-Come on. Hurry up, hurry up!

Get those stretchers
into emergency. You too.

Wait! I'll take this one.

That's 15 patients
in the last hour.

-Dr. Akom, telephone.

-Hello? Oh, hello, darling.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

I'm sorry, honey,
but you know how it is.

Worse, we're getting
the overload patients

on that hurricane disaster.

Look, you set up the weekend,

and I'll be home as soon
as I can, all right?

Good.

-Aah!

Aaahhh! Aah!

Gotcha!

Ann, come and eat.

You can play again
all day tomorrow.

Oh!

Okay, Angela, we'll be right in.

-That was fun.
-Let's eat now, okay?

-Okay.

-Daddy! Daddy,
can I have a new bathing suit?

-Well, now,
my lovely, little sparrow.

I think we can arrange that.

Let's get you ready for bed,
huh?

Lift up your arms.

Now for your trousers.

-Ahh! Mwah!

-Do you want some more oil?

-Thank you, my love.

-Look! Ahh-aah!

-Isn't it beautiful?

-Would you do, my darling?
On my shoulders?

-Oh!

-Be careful.
I'm a little bit red.

Oh! Oh!

Stop it!
Oh! That hurts.

-Sorry.
Do you want some more?

-Yes, darling.

-Where do you want it?

-Right there. Aah!
Oh! Hold it!

-Hold it!

-Oh!

Oh, there's Daddy.
See?

Hi!

-Hi, Linda.
-Oh!

-My God! Linda!
-Oh!

-Tony! Tony!
Come quickly. It's Linda.

She's drowning.
Tony! Tony, hurry!

Help! Help!

It's Linda.
Hurry, Tony, hurry!

She's drowning! She's...
Oh!

-That's my little girl.

Oh! Go on and eat. Ah!

Would you like some of that?

-No, thank you.
-All right, dear.

-Would you like some?

-Well, if I'm gonna eat it,
Ann is, too.

-But I want to go swimming
after.

-That's why you're not eating.

Ann?

Ann?

Ann?!

Ann?!

Ann?

Aah!

Ann?

Ann?

Aah!

No!

No!

-Linda!

Linda!

Oh! Oh!

-No, sir.

-Well, I want you to keep at it.
Keep searching.

I want you to know
the minute you find anything,

anything at all.

-You understand?
-Yes, sir.

-Don't look.

Dr. Stromm, may we have a few
words with you?

Dr. Stromm, do you think your
wife was eaten by a shark?

-Look this way, Doctor.

-Would you care to make any
statement at all, Dr. Stromm?

Hi, Daddy.

Don't forget to buy me
the new bathing suit.

I want a white one.
Okay, Daddy? Please, Daddy.

Huh?

Could I also have
a plastic life preserver?

I almost know how to swim,

but it would help me
to learn faster.

And then you wouldn't
have to be afraid of me

going in the water alone.

Thank you, Daddy.
I love you, Daddy.

-Oh!

Aah!

-I've spoken to the police.

They've only found
the remains of Linda.

Oh, God!
Only knew it was her

because of the engagement ring
on her finger.

They don't think it was a shark.

-What do they think it was?

-They don't know.

Newspapers think
it's some kind of monster.

-The agony of Tony, the
bereaved medical professional,

turns this movie
into a character study

that benefits
from being filmed in Thailand,

which is a nation

that apparently has
only one hospital.

The tsunami patients
are taken there.

A fisherwoman is swallowed
whole by the crocodile

and is taken there.

Well, I guess there was
nothing left of her.

So, the other victims
were taken there.

Everybody who
subsequently gets injured

or maimed will be taken there
with sirens blaring.

Darcy, let's commission
a drinking game.

Whenever an ambulance
turns on its siren

and pulls into
the only hospital in Thailand,

let's do a shot.

Let's do that --
put that on social media.

-Okay, that is one way
to get through this movie.

That's for sure.

A shot of what exactly?

-Mekong spirit,
the national drink of Thailand.

That's what we should all drink.

-I feel not everyone's
going to have that at home.

What is that, though?

-Well,
it's kind of a rum whiskey.

Lots of sugar in it.

But, Darcy,

you continue to underestimate
the importance of "Crocodile."

How about that opening?

"From the very beginning,

man has
been trying to destroy nature.

But nature may rebel.

And this could happen."

-And then there's
a big, old storm.

-Well, it wasn't just a storm,
Darcy.

We had fire. We had flood.
We had trees uprooted.

We had houses collapsing.
We had lightning bolts.

We had collapsing mountains!

We had lots
of slithering reptiles waiting

at the edges of those great
craters in the earth,

where whirlpools of water
spiral out of the ocean.

And that wasn't just
disaster-film footage.

Actually, it was
disaster-film footage.

It was from the earlier film
"Pandin Wippayoke."

Translation roughly,
"Land of Grief."

I'm surprised they thought they
could get away with reusing it,

because "Pandin Wippayoke"
the greatest movie

ever made about
water buffalo wrestling.

But, anyway...

-Of course,
what were they even thinking?

-But it wasn't just
a weather event.

It was all weather events --

tsunami, earthquake, tornado,
croc-nado.

And it was caused by
atomic testing in the Pacific.

And so, duh!
Yes, nature is rebelling.

-Okay, but what does that have
to do with the giant crocodile?

-Remember the first time
we see the giant croc?

-I do not.

-All we see is the eye.

And what is the eye watching?

-The close-up camera.

-No! The croc is watching
a flock of ducks,

but he ignores those ducks.

Why doesn't he eat the ducks?

Because he's a mutated species.

He has a hankering for more.

He doesn't want to fill up
on junk food.

He wants raw fisherwoman.

And after he eats
the fisherwoman,

we see a different eye.

We see the eye of satisfaction.

We see the terrifying eye of
a voracious creation of twisted,

unnatural genetic decoding.

-You got all that
from two close-ups of his eye?

-Well, yes.

And the crocodile POV underwater
close-up of Linda's crotch,

because he is laser-focused
on that crotch.

And even though
she's spandex aware,

she has no...
what I would call crocodile toe.

You know, the crocodile may
in fact be searching for that

as he comes within
six inches of her crotch,

but she's completely unaware
of what I have to assume

to be a crocodile

that's at least as large
as an office building.

Or is it?

-Oh, my gosh.

-The crocodile seems
to actually have the ability

to change size depending on its
prey and its relative ferocity

at any given time.

The crocodile
has minimized itself in order

to eat Linda from the crotch
upward.

-So, are you saying
it's a supernatural crocodile?

-It's a mutated crocodile
with the instinctual ability

to alter its appearance
depending on its appetite.

But that's
because the entire movie is

a group-art-house
creature fantasy.

There are actually six different
versions of "Crocodile,"

because it was passed
from artist to artist,

country to country,

as different interpretations
of its crocodilian theme

were explored and expanded.

-Did you just use
the word "art house"?

Are you saying this is
an art film?

-Sure, sure. It's an art film.

Because what other explanation
do you have

for the incest subplot?

-The incest subplot?

-Did you see the way Tony
undresses his daughter for bed?

It's just the two of them,
that bedtime kiss,

and then the next morning
massages

the suntan oil onto her back.

And when he goes crazy

and starts sobbing
in that scene we just watched,

is he mourning his wife
that he had hot,

sweaty sex with that morning?

No, he is not.

He's fixated
on the daughter alone.

Angela and Linda
kind of disappear from the plot

at this point, and it's
like "incestus interruptus."

His grooming was abbreviated
by a crocodile.

-Okay, so that scene was
kind of strange.

-It's art-film stuff.
Back to the movie.

-Are you going to give out

any actual information
about the movie?

-Well...sweaty-sex Angela

is played by Ni Tien,
also known as Tien Ni,

also known as Tany Tim.

Widely known in Hong Kong
simply as Tany,

the star of "Cleopatra Jones
and the Casino of Gold"

and "Corpse Mania,"
dozens of movies

for the famous Shaw Brothers
Studio in Hong Kong.

Chinese actress hired to --

she was hired for this
to wear a bikini,

have sex, nag Tony, and die.
So, mission accomplished.

See, that's another beautiful
thing about "Crocodile," though.

They pulled a "Psycho,"
didn't they?

You go, "Hey, that's Tany
from 'Corpse Mania.'

They won't let her die."

And then whammo!

First act, she's croc meat,
upsetting audience expectations.

And then her husband
can't grieve for her

because he's dreaming
of what might have been

with their daughter.

So many levels
of psychological horror.

-Sometimes I can't tell
if you're serious.

-It's "Crocodile," Darcy.
It's the Asian "Citizen Kane."

-This is ridiculous.
-Okay. You're right.

It's more like the Asian
"Seventh Seal," because it's got

that Bergmanesque chess game
with death.

-Can you please
just stop this now?

-Okay.
-Thank you.

-Please accept this letter
as my resignation.

At present,

I cannot properly devote myself
to my duties as a doctor.

I will,
as you so kindly offered,

avail myself of
the facilities of the hospital.

And by which means I pray

I may stop the death
and destruction

being caused
by the creature responsible

for my family's death.

Regretfully, Dr. Anthony Akom.

-Oh, easy.

-What's that?!

-It's a hand.

-Huh?!
-Oh.

-I'd say it's just a case
of overworking, Dr. Akom,

plus, the emotional strain
you've been under.

Hmm.

If you're still having
trouble in a couple of weeks,

drop in and see me.

You all right, Doctor?

-Yeah. Okay.

Read this.

"Early this morning, a
local fisherman, Tanaka Lujan,

claimed he saw
a giant crocodile in the sea."

-I know I'm right, John.

I've examined those pieces
of anatomy over and over.

I'm convinced it was
the work of a giant crocodile.

-A crocodile in the sea?

-I read an article in the paper
yesterday

about a local fisherman

who claims he saw
a giant crocodile in the sea.

Fisherman's name is
Tanaka Lujan.

I'd like you to get a hold
of him for me.

Tomorrow I have an appointment
with an expert on reptiles,

Professor Lowes.

Well, Dr. Akom, what
information may I offer you?

Anything to do with reptiles,
you got my interest.

Let me see now.

You mentioned something
about a crocodile.

Tell me.
What is it you want to know?

If I can help you, I will.

-Well, sir, can a crocodile...

Can he live in the sea?

-Hmm.

That's a very interesting
thought.

-Aah!

Aah!

-Have your men check
all the way down the coast.

-...doing all these killings,

or do you think perhaps
there's more than one, sir?

-What kind of species is it,
Inspector?

Do you have any idea?

-Do you think the killer might
be human, Inspector? Huh?

-And get snipers
on those cliffs.

-Dr. Lowes read that article
about the fisherman,

and he agrees with me.

-That a crocodile can live
in the sea?

-Uh-huh.

-If you're right,
how are we going to get it?

-I don't know,
but I am working on it.

By the way, John,
did you get a hold of Tanaka?

No, not yet, but I will.

Are you thinking
of using his boat?

-Why not, if he's willing.

-From the article,
he seemed like quite a guy.

-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

-Tony. Hey, Tony. You all right?

-Yeah, I just feel dizzy.

I love you, Daddy.

I love you, Daddy.
I love you, Daddy.

-Come on, John. Let's go.

I know now what we're up
against.

-You know who the killer is?!
Tell us!

-Tell us!
-Yeah, who?

-You may not believe me,
gentlemen,

but it's a...a giant crocodile.

-A giant crocodile?
-Incredible, yes, but true!

-You all right, Doctor?

-Perhaps you've been working
too hard.

-I'm all right!

Go on, get out, all of you!

All right, all right.

-Get out!
-All right, all right.

-Come on.
-Go on!

-He lives right on the beach.
That's why it took me
so long to find him.

Oh, I saw his boat.
It looks quite sturdy.

Well, he should be
here any minute.

The rain's probably
holding him up.

Come inside, Mr. Lujan.
Do not worry about my floor.

Please, be seated.

-Your associate, Dr. Stromm,
has put forth your proposition.

After thinking it
over carefully, Doctor,

I've decided to place myself
and my ship at your disposal.

-Great! Thank you, Tanaka.

-Now there are three of us.

We'll get that crocodile
if it's the last thing we do!

-Huh?

-Well, when do we go after it,
Tony?

-It won't be long.

We must be patient.

-To my father.

-What is that?

-It is a sign of protection
against evil.

It has been worn by my family
for generations.

There's an old legend which says

that one day a monster
will arise from the sea

to encounter the wings
of an eagle.

It is the wings of an eagle
I proudly wear on my chest.

I believe the legend is about
to come true.

I pray the results
will not be the death of us.

-"There is an old legend
which says

that one day a monster
will arise from the sea

to encounter the wings
of an eagle.

It is the wings of an eagle
I proudly wear on my chest.

I believe the legend is about
to come true."

I have goosebumps every time
I hear that.

-Now admit it, Darcy.

That is a brilliant symbolic
moment with the hardy man

of the sea, Tanaka,
revealing his chest tattoo,

beckoning the creature
of ye olde legend.

-Why are you talking
like that?

-I can see you're
still not swept up

into the artistry
of "Crocodile."

-All right,
it's coming up to that scene

that bugs the heck out of me.

-Okay,
I was going to mention that.

-You have to mention it.

-The movie got
an unacceptable rating

from the American
Humane Association

when it was released
in the United States in 1981.

But wait, before we do that,

I think I need to go through the
various versions of "Crocodile"

so that we can appreciate
the millions of man hours

needed to create
this masterpiece.

-We don't need to do that.

-We need that.
-No, we don't.

-The magic starts in 1978,

when a Korean director
named Won-se Lee

took a crew to Thailand to make
a film called "Crocodile Fangs,"

much longer than the film
we're watching,

mostly due
to additional scenes showing

Dr. Tony Akom agonizing
over the loss of his daughter,

going insane,
and vowing Ahab-like revenge.

That's Nard Poowanai,
by the way, as Dr. Tony Akom,

and he was just tearing it
up in the '70s

ever since his debut
in "Hands of Death,"

also known as "King Boxer,"
which was, of course,

the movie that answers the
question which is more lethal,

kung fu or karate?

But when Won-se Lee got to
Bangkok with his Korean crew --

-Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Which one was more lethal?

-Thai kickboxing, of course --
Muay Thai.

-Ah!
So, is that kung fu or karate?

-Neither one!
Neither one. See, that's...

That's the beauty of asking
that question in Thailand.

So when Won-se Lee got to
Bangkok with his Korean crew,

he employed Sompote Sands
to do his special effects.

Sompote's real name was
Sompote Saengduenchai,

and he had interned
at Toho Studios

as a young man working
under Akira Kurosawa

and the special-effects
master Eiji Tsuburaya,

who invented the "Ultraman"
movies.

That was
extraterrestrial superheroes

who fight against the monsters.

Is that about sum that up,
Darcy?

-Are you asking me
to sum up what "Ultraman" is?

-Yeah. I figured you would know
all about the lore.

-Uh,
it's a Japanese multiverse.

There's a whole bunch
of Ultramen.

He's an alien
who merges with a human

and fights giant monsters.

-Okay, I think Marvel bought
the franchise or something?

So, he was the assistant to Eiji
Tsuburaya, the "Ultraman" dude.

And after Eiji died, Sompote --

I'm going to call them by their
first names because it's easier.

Sompote kept doing
"Ultraman" movies.

His biggest hit was
"Jumborg Ace and Giant."

Do you remember that one?
-No.

One of the "Ultraman"
superheroes

teams up with
the animated stone idol

Yuk Wud Jaeng to defeat
some kaiju monsters.

-Dang,
how did I miss that one?

-So, Sompote is this
high-level special-effects guy,

and after Won-se Lee
goes back to Korea,

Sompote re-edits the film,

puts his name on it
as the sole director,

and releases it as "Chorakhe"
in 1979.

I think "chorakhe" is
the Thai word for crocodile.

And he shoots some new scenes
with Robert Chan Law-Bat

as the reporter
who joins the three men trying

to kill the giant croc

because Robert Chan Law-Bat was
his producer,

and he was putting up money and
he wanted to be in the movie.

So, he made
that artistic choice in 1979,

which is when "Chorakhe"
came out in Thailand.

-Is there much more of this?

-Yeah,
there's four more versions.

-Okay,
maybe we should do this later.

You know what I mean?

-Yeah, okay, I get it.
I agree with you.

The scene we're about to watch

is reminiscent
of "Cannibal Holocaust."

And we promised
when we showed that,

that whenever there's going
to be on-screen animal death,

we will warn you.

So, look away as soon
as you see a bunch of tourists

from Great Falls, Montana,

gathered
to see some crocodile wrestlers.

Got it? Is that enough?

-I don't know.
We'll see.

I'm the one
who has to deal with everyone

being really pissed off
about this shit.

-Well, we debate this stuff.

We choose to show the movie

in its original release form,
uncut.

And in this case, we had
a choice of six different cuts,

but they all
have this scene in them.

And the one we're showing
is the 1981 American cut.

So, this was seen
at all the grindhouses

and drive-ins of this nation.
-Why do they do this to us?

-I get the impression
that crocodiles in Thailand

are very plentiful, very common,
very familiar to the people.

They eat the meat.
They use the hides.

They make a lot
of crocodile products.

And so it's like,

you got to think of it
like chickens are here, right?

When you go to KFC,

you don't expect
to see the chickens get

their heads cut off.

But you know
that millions of chickens

do get their heads cut off
every day, right?

-Yeah, I don't think
that's very helpful.

-I didn't make the movie, Darcy.

-You're showing the movie.

-You can't really take stuff
out of a masterpiece

just because it violates
the sensibilities

of the modern world.

-Fine. Fine.
-Okay, back to the movie.

-Okay.

-And it's coming up quick,
so be warned.

And it's over quick.

So, it's coming up quick
and it's over quick.

So, you can look away,
look back.

I did want to make
two more points, though,

about the artistry involved.
-Really?

-Did you notice that when
the longboats get that giant net

and they pull body parts
up out of the water

that all of the body parts
are arms?

It's not like they have
a bunch of heads and feet

and toes and torsos.

Just arms.

I think they're signaling
that this is a gourmand,

flesh-eating crocodile.

He spits out arms the same way

we would spit out the pit
of an olive.

-Okay.

-And then I want to point out

that if you're experiencing
extreme psychological stress

in Thailand, where do you go?

-The optometrist.

-Yes!
He goes to the optometrist.

He has seen too much.
He knows too much.

His eyes need to be calmed down.

It's kind of an avant-garde

back-door reveal of his
increasingly disordered mind.

-Or they had access
to a cheap optometrist shop

where they could shoot.

-Darcy, we need to assume that
the filmmakers' mise en scene

is honest and straightforward,

but then we get the crocodile
expert, Dr. Lowes,

and we get that scene
where Dr. Lowes says,

"Let me see now. You mentioned
something about a crocodile?"

And Tony says, "Well, sir,
can a crocodile...

Can he live in the sea?"

And the expert says,

"Hmm, that's a very interesting
thought."

Okay, so he's a big, fat liar.

He's a crocodile expert.

That means he already does know
that the saltwater crocodile,

the largest living reptile
in the world,

is thriving all over
the Indian Ocean, the Pacific,

the North China Sea,
and elsewhere.

This is a scene indicating
that he's lying!

He's being evasive.

There's a secret crocodile cult
inside Thailand

that tries to protect the beast
from people like Dr. Akom.

So, the intrigue thickens.

-You are out of control
tonight.

-Yes, I am like Chalawan,

the crocodile King
from the "Legend of Krai Thong."

-Oh my God, please stop.
Please. No!

-Okay. But he has a very cool
crown and...

-Stop!
-Stand up on his hind legs.

Stop!

-That was horrible!
-I don't know how it happened.

-Leave them over here.

-I can't even explain it.
Can you...

-I-I don't know.
My gosh.

-Brenda, be calm.
Everything will be okay.

Just be calm.

-Be calm.

Be calm.

-All right. Let him through.
Let him through.

-God damn it!
Don't argue.

You have no idea
what it's like down here.

I want all the ambulances
you can get.

-You know, John,
I was just thinking.

Can you imagine the size
of that beast?

He destroyed an entire village
as if it were a toy.

Stopping it
isn't going to be easy.

-Not only that,

but we don't even know
where it's going to strike next.

-Oh, by the way, I received
this letter this morning.

It's from Professor Lowes.

After studying the problem,
he has come to the conclusion

that this creature is the result

of all this atomic testing
going on in our atmosphere.

He feels, and I agree, that
our giant crocodile is a mutant.

-My God, a mutant!

How are we going to kill it?

-Dr. Akom is right.

Tom?

-Yes, Inspector?

What can I do for you?

Huh?

-You're going to catch it.

-Me? Why me, sir?

Because you are the best
that I've got.

-Add this, John.
-Okay.

-It's not working.

It doesn't seem
to be having any effect at all.

What do we do now, huh?

-Put the rest in.

-That again.

Do it again.

Quit it!

-Aah!

Aah!

-Are they coming?

-We did try. It was monstrous!

Nobody will ever get him,
I tell you.

-Did you notice, Darcy,

that we have now switched
into an alternate universe?

-I noticed that those tourists
watching the crocodile torture

got exactly what they deserved.

-Agreed.

But what I mean is
that the same people

who died in the opening credits

are dying again
after the crocodile attacks.

And wouldn't you know, the croc
attacks the same village

that's already been wiped out by
the typhoon and the earthquake.

So it's amazing that "A,"

they've already rebuilt
that village,

and "B," they've decided
to let their kids go back

into the water, which is
how we get naked-children

crocodile snacks.

My favorite part,
though, is the bear trap

that they put on the ocean floor

with a little Alpo
sprinkled into the middle of it,

and after that
results in carnage

that includes a legless man
still struggling to survive,

we get some sadistic
cop yelling,

"I want all the ambulances
you can get!" Really?

So they can all pour
into the one Thailand hospital

at the same time?

So, all I'm saying, Darcy,

is that here we've entered into
Salvador Dali-level surrealism.

And notice that the two doctors

who are supposedly getting
ready to kill the croc,

just calmly walk down the street
discussing their experimentation

while the dozens
of involuntary amputees

are being rushed to the ER.

It doesn't seem to occur to them

that perhaps some extra
medical help might be needed.

And then when we see their lab,

they pour various poisons into
a tank holding a baby crocodile,

I guess,
trying to pollute it to death

like the final scene
of "Piranha."

But all they do is put it to
sleep, and then they say,

"Well, what do we do now?"

It's a purely open-ended scene

that has no relation
to anything that comes later,

so that they have once again

nothing to do
but agonize together,

especially when Dr. Akom
hears the voice of his hot

but dead daughter.

-Wait.

Are you saying this is the
improved version of the movie?

-Well, Darcy, improved?
That's a very loaded word.

It's a matter of taste.

However, the 1979 version,
supervised by Sompote Sands,

did have some decent shots that
were taken out of the U.S. cut.

One is a lengthy attack
on a child by the giant croc

while a father fights it off.
Another is a shot of body parts

descending to the bottom
of the river.

But what we do have here
is the work of Dick Randall,

who is sort of
the third director.

We've had two
previous Dick Randall movies

on "The Last Drive-In."

Our movie
on the original marathon

was the legendary "Pieces."
-Nice.

-And I went into great detail
about Dick

when we showed
his holiday slasher,

"Don't Open Till Christmas."

Dick Randall was born
in the Catskill Mountains,

started out as a gag writer
for Milton Berle,

tried to produce Broadway plays

but ended up in so much debt
that he had to flee to Rome

during the wild '60s
and early '70s there,

and he produced classics like

"The Wild, Wild World
of Jayne Mansfield,"

"Primitive Love,"
"Four Times That Night,"

which means exactly what
you think it means,

"The French Sex Murders,"
and "The Girl in Room 2A,"

which is about
a sadistic-killer sex cult.

So, at some point,

Dick Randall started
making deals with these

Hong Kong filmmakers.

And to do that,

he moved to London and for the
rest of his life he was London-,

Rome-, Hong Kong-based,

the guy who financed
exploitation flicks

in all three places
but never New York or L.A.

because he couldn't go back
to the U.S. for some reason.

Anyway, during his
London/Hong Kong period,

he hears
about "Crocodile Fangs,"

also known as
"Horror of the Crocodile,"

also known as "Chorakhe,"
and he goes to Bangkok

and he meets Sompote Sands,

the guy who took the director's
name off "Crocodile Fangs"

and added scenes
and disaster footage

and put his own name on it.

And Dick Randall says, "Hey,
Sompote, let's make a deal.

I think I can improve
the movie even more."

And so we end up
with "Crocodile 1981,"

which Dick Randall wants
to release in the United States.

But since he can't go
to the United States,

he brings in his old friend
Herman Cohen

as part of the deal.

And Herman Cohen, he's
basically retired at this point,

but he's still well-respected
as the producer of films

like "I Was a Teenage Werewolf,"
"Blood of Dracula,"

and "Bela Lugosi Meets
a Brooklyn Gorilla."

Have you seen that one, Darcy?

-I mean, who hasn't?
Steve Calvert was the gorilla.

-You know the name
of the guy in the gorilla suit?

-His whole career was
in gorilla suits.

-You're kidding me.

-No. There's, like, a really big
demand for gorillas in the '50s,

for some reason.
-Okay, I guess so.

Anyway, Dick Randall makes
a deal with Sompote,

re-edits the movie,

gives it to Herman Cohen
to release in America,

and the version
we're watching is created.

But he also shoots new scenes
with the crocodile puppet,

and he creates "Crocodile 1982,"

which is distributed
only in European countries

and drive-ins
that didn't get the first run

of "Crocodile 1981."

Are you following this, Darcy?

-Oh, every detail.

Um, so now we know about
all four versions of the movie,

so maybe we should
just finish watching it.

-There are actually six versions
of the movie, Darcy.

That's how awesome it is.

But my point
about "Crocodile 1982"

is that it had more sex
and gore in it,

including the opening scene

where these two topless girls
get eaten by the croc.

-Why do we not have
that version?

-Well, I don't know, but
we'll go back to the movie now.

And I want to call
everyone's attention to the fact

that based on the scale used in
the scenes with the crocodile,

the killer croc can be twice
the size of a regular crocodile

or 30 feet long
or 100 feet long.

And sometimes
it can look like an alligator.

Actually, this is an alligator,
I just realized.

But, anyway, it's genius
because the perception

of the crocodile size changes
depending on

the imminent danger
and scare factor.

We're always seeing the
crocodile from the point of view

of the victim
who's about to be eaten,

like the scene

where the croc creates
a whirlpool with his tail,

or the scene where he chomps
down on those naked children.

Okay, roll the flick.

In Japan...
-Mm-hmm.

...the name of the movie was

"Giant Crocodile,
Bloody Destroyer."

Isn't that a great name?
-It's a great name.

-In Italy, it had six additional
minutes of atomic-blast footage.

In Germany,
it was "Krokodil" with a "K."

-I like that.

-And it had the two topless
women being chewed up

in the opening scene.

Plus, it had Lois Ayres
on the poster.

-The porn star?

-Exactly.

-Wow.
Did they shoot scenes with her?

-No, she's not in the movie,
but she's on the poster.

So that's what I'm saying,
Darcy.

It's an art film.

There were all
these different artists shaping

their versions of "Crocodile,"

and one of those artists
envisioned Lois Ayres

as the polar opposite
of the flesh-eating beast.

So, on one side of the poster,
you have destruction and death.

On the other side of the poster,

you have beauty
and living flesh.

So, it's a statement about
the duality of human nature

and ecological balance.

-Are you saying
porn cancels out a monster?

-To the contrary,
porn enhances a monster.

-Did I just take you
seriously?

-I think you did.
Okay. Scary, right?

All right. Lois Ayres --
loved her.

Especially loved her
in "Ejacula 2."

-How could you not?

-I mean, it was
no "Ejacula 1," but still.

-What is?
-Yeah.

-It's killed again.

Another village.

Seems to kill every three days.

-Yeah, you're right.

Wait a minute!

If he kills every three days,

that means he's following
a pattern.

-Huh. I wonder.

Hey, John, come over here.

He hit the first time
on the 17th,

then once more on the 20th.

-Yes.

-And the next was on the 23rd.

Village of Kalka on the 26th.

And Pinto on the 29th.
It checks out, all right.

And that's where he's headed,
where the sea meets the river.

-And next time
will be on the second.

Tony, shall I tell Tanaka
we're going?

-Mm-hmm.

-No, no, no, no, no! Ugh!

-Yes. I keep my word.
I must go.

Do not worry, my love.

The wings of the eagle
will protect me.

I pray God he'll return.

-John...that's
where we'll see him -- here.

I checked it over five times.

-When he comes,
we shall be ready for him.

I have everything on board
that you asked for,

plus a few additions
of my own...

a light machine gun,
a very powerful harpoon gun,

which could also be useful
for exploding

your drums of liquid bait,

and one box of dynamite,
complete with fuses.

The rain will stop soon.
Tomorrow the sun will shine.

It is a good omen.

-Sea and the river,
they meet right there.

So, that's where
he'll come from.

I want to get a little closer
to that point there.

Dump our bait over there.

Now, according
to my calculations,

the tide should sweep it
over to that point there,

the croc will be coming
from straight out at sea,

and hopefully the bait
will bring him right to us.

-That's only the appetizer.

A little more, Tanaka.
Hold it. That's good.

-All right, croc,
how about some realbait?

-All we can do now is wait.

-I don't see
how he could have missed this,

unless he isn't coming here.

What do you think?
Could we be wrong?

-The day isn't over yet.

How about something to eat,
Tony?

Have a sandwich.
It'll do you good.

-No, thanks.
You go ahead and eat.

-Look! Dead ahead.

-No, don't shoot at it.
It's a boat.

-Aah! Yah!

-Ahoy there!

Take me over to that ladder.

Over there -- can't you see it?

Hi, there. Nice day, huh?

May I come aboard?

And how about one of you guys
giving me a hand, huh?

Just stand over there.
I'll hand it out.

-Oh.

Huh.
Thanks. Nice ship you got.

I've been looking everywhere
for you guys.

That's perfect.

Hi. My name is Peter.

You can call me Pete,
uh, captain.

A beautiful ship, sir.

I wish I could say the same
for that thing.

It barely got me here.
Oh, yeah? You want some money?

Oh, my God.
Of all the rotten luck,

wouldn't you know I left
my wallet in my other pants?

Would you mind giving
the guy a couple of bucks?

I'll pay you back as soon
as we get on shore.

That's really very kind of you.
Thanks.

-Keep five.
-Thank you, sir.

Your change, sir.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you very much.

I'll pay you back.

Yeah, that's a great idea.

You don't mind if I take a few
pictures from up there, do you?

Huh? Thanks.

Excuse me.

You guys are headline material.

-Looks like it's human.

Circle around
and check the area out.

-Right.

-Get down off of there!

-You know, now that they have
three guys out on the open sea,

along with a fourth
comic-relief character,

this reminds me
of another movie,

and if we had amateurs
doing this story,

we would have the Quint
speech right about now.

"So, 1,100 men went
into the water.

316 men come out.
The sharks took the rest.

June the 29th, 1945.
Anyway, we delivered the bomb."

But you would do that with
a speech adapted for crocodiles,

which would have been
really easy to do,

because during
the Japanese retreat

in the Battle of Ramree Island
in 1945,

British soldiers encircled
the swampland

that the Japanese were using
for their escape,

and that meant the
Japanese soldiers had to spend

the entire night of
February 19th in the mangroves,

which were home to thousands
of saltwater crocodiles.

More than 400 soldiers
were eaten that night.

So, all you had to do was
make Tanaka, the boat captain,

one of the survivors
of the Battle of Ramree Island,

and you would have
a natural Quint speech.

"800 men went into the swamps.

412 men come out.
Crocs took the rest.

February the 19th, 1945."

But that's the obvious choice.
You don't do that.

Fortunately for
cinematic history,

the artists in charge
of "Crocodile"

went in another direction.

They created a eureka moment for
Tony when he says, "I've got it.

The crocodile strikes
every three days,

and he's heading for the place
where the river meets the sea."

Now, they don't explain

why a giant crocodile
would strike every third day

or why he would frequent
the mouth of the river.

But we know, don't we?

The three-day cycle evokes
memories of the Resurrection,

at the same time

that it allows the extensive
digestive system of the croc

to fully process
its most recent victims.

And to create
that digestive system,

the filmmakers used
a 25-foot model,

a real crocodile
on miniature sets,

a crocodile head for close-ups,

a crocodile tail
for the splashing scenes,

and that 25-foot model required
10 people pushing on it

to get its mouth open
and an entire day

to film a single
underwater meal.

But here's the cinematic touch
added by Dick Randall.

Some of the inserted footage
in the U.S. cut

contained alligators,
not crocodiles,

because he wanted
to universalize the message.

We're talking about the psyche
of all giant reptiles,

not just the saltwater croc.

-Are you done?

-Well, I hope so, but aren't you
going to yell at me

about the water buffalo scene?

-I know that
the giant crocodile puppet

didn't actually eat
the water buffalo.

-But the process
of stuffing the water buffalo

into the fake croc mouth

caused the animal
to urinate all over itself.

-Yes. And that is animal abuse.
The buffalo was terrified.

-I'm sure they found
a nice owner

for the traumatized
water buffalo.

-I want to believe
that's true.

-Okay, there are problems when
people are trying to make art.

I mean, they were in Thailand
for seven months.

They started
with an unfinished script,

which is why there are
two different endings,

depending on
which version you're watching.

And these scenes on the boat
required multiple takes

that infuriated the crew,
actually.

-So, what are you saying?

-I'm saying all four directors
suffered in one way or another.

They suffered as much
or more than that water buffalo.

So, we...

-Please.
-And it was for us.

It was so that we
could have the joyous experience

called "Crocodile."

-Oh, my God.

-Back to the movie.

-Please.

-I think the only reason

"Crocodile" was not immediately
recognized as a seminal work

that it is,

is that Dick Randall had
so many big titles coming out

at the same time --

"Supersonic Man,"
directed by the same guy

who directed "Pieces,"
about a Spanish superhero

from a distant galaxy
who comes to Earth

in a Superman-lookalike costume
to battle Dr. Gulik,

who is trying
to destroy mankind.

Dick Randall also had
"The Clones of Bruce Lee,"

which is considered the greatest
"Bruceploitation" film

of all time.

-Bruceploitation.

-Bruceploitation is a genre,
and this movie had Dragon Lee,

Bruce Lai, Bruce Le,
and Bruce Thai

all in the same story,

plus two actors
from "Enter the Dragon."

And this was
the same time period

when Dick Randall released
"For Your Height Only,"

starring Weng Weng the...
-Oh, yes.

-...the little guy as
a James Bond-style action hero,

and "Invaders of the Lost Gold,

which was unfairly classified
as a "Raiders of the Lost Ark"

rip-off and "The Pod People,"

also directed
by Juan Piquer Simón,

the director of "Pieces."

So, it would have been easy

for an intimate art-house
character study like "Crocodile"

to get lost among all
of those films.

And you know
why it didn't stay lost, though?

-Because Shudder got
a deal on it?

-No! Not because
shudder got a deal on it.

-Just a thought.

-Because cinema aficionados
discovered it one by one

and passed it around

until everybody realized
what a surrealist experiment

in psychology it really is.

-Really?
-Darcy,

in a few moments, you will
believe a crocodile can fly.

-Yeah, I think that's actually
the scene with the bathtub toy.

-No, Darcy,
that's the scene with the magic.

-Here.
You better wear it just in case.

A guy could fall overboard,
you know?

Go ahead.

-Hey, Tanaka?
He's calling you.

-Yeah.
Let's cruise around a bit.

Maybe the sound will
attract him.

-Good idea.

-John, how are you feeling?

-A bit tired, just like you.

-Why hasn't he attacked?

-You do think he's out there,
don't you?

-I don't know.

-Hey, you, Peter!
Get up here.

Come on, get up here.

-Why, what's the matter?

-If you're going to stay
on this boat,

you'll stand watch
like the rest of us.

You can take your pictures.
Come on.

I'm not gonna stand here
all night.

-Oh, I'm so tired.
I could fall asleep right here.

-I wouldn't do that.
You might not wake up again.

-That's a thought.

Oh, well, in that case,
I'll have a drink.

-You've had enough already.

-Hey, give me that!

-Hey. Hey. Hey!
There's no one awake on deck.

Hey!

Hey!
There's no one awake on deck.

-Okay.

-Oh, well.

-Huh?! What?

-Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Get out, get out!
-I can't get to the door.

-It's jammed!
The door is jammed -- oh!

Open the door, Tanaka!

You must get it open,
or we'll die in here!

-No!

Tanaka!

-Aah!

It's not the door that's jammed.
It's the lock.

Maybe you can jump.

-Forget the lock!
Smash it down!

-Aah!

-Aah-aah!

Aah!

-I heard what you said before.

Maybe somebody will hear us.

-Come on, you dumb door --
open!

-Hurry up before we all drown.

-Aah!

-It's coming in faster!
Hurry up!

-I can't keep my feet under me!

Aah! Aaahhh! Aaaahhhhh!

-Aah!

-God damn!

-I'm sorry about Tanaka.

I'll write about him
when we get home.

Thank God we're still alive.

-Aah! Light the fuse, John.
He's back.

-Right!

-We got him, John.

We did it!

We did it! We killed him!

-Yeah. I don't want to lose
these shots.

There.

No!

Aah!

No.

-We didn't kill it.
It's only wounded.

-Tony?

Look -- the lines.
He's broken.

-Aah!

-Help him!

-Give me your hand.

Aaahhhh!

Aah!

-Aah!

-Oh, gosh! Get on off of there.
Peter!

-Peter gave his life
so that others might live

without fear
of a giant crocodile leaping

over their fishing boat.

I...I don't know if I can go on,
Darcy.

You might have to do
mailbag by yourself.

-Peter was so obnoxious.

-He was a forgotten cowboy,
Darcy.

He was looking for a place
in the world.

And he found it
in the wide mouth

of Crocodylus
porosus giganteus.

It took a suicide bomber
to save Thailand.

-But what happened to Tony?

-That's for you to decide.
It's open-ended.

Did he cling to a shard floating
in the debris-field ocean

until a cruise ship
picked him up?

Did he die while sniffing the
panties of his dead daughter?

-Stop! Stop!

-The filmmakers want
us to make up our own ending.

-I hate that.
Give me the answer.

-The crocodile fulfilled
the prophecy set forth

by Tanaka's tattoo,

by eating the tattoo
and eating Tanaka.

-And what was that prophecy
again?

-A monster will rise
from the sea

to encounter the wings
of an eagle.

That's what Tanaka had
on his chest, eagle wings.

I wanted a close-up
of the jaws of the crocodile

biting down on that tattoo,

but they must have
run out of time.

But I think you would have
to agree

that "Crocodile" is a movie
that speaks to all of us.

-Yeah, it says run!
Run for your freaking life.

-Metaphorically speaking.

-Oh, no. No.
Run for your life.

Get away from this movie.

-Well, it was released
October 14, 1978,

in South Korea.

And then the Thai version
was released in Bangkok

on February 15, 1980.

And then the American version
was released in Times Square

in November 13, 1981.

And the crocodile was so famous

that we would see him again
in Sompote Sands'

movies "Kraithong"
and "Kingka Kaiyasit,"

otherwise known as
"Magic Lizard."

Unfortunately, Sompote Sands
would spend the rest of his life

making illegal "Ultraman"
movies.

He claimed that Eiji Tsuburaya
had made a deal with him

to produce
and direct "Ultraman" movies

that were made outside of Japan,
and so he did that.

But after 20 years
of litigation,

the Japanese courts ruled
against him,

and after ten more years
of litigation,

the Thailand Supreme Court ruled
against him.

And then ten years after that,

in 2017, a U.S. court jury ruled
against him

and said he no longer had
any right to "Ultraman,"

and all the movies he made

belonged to the original
"Ultraman" copyright holders

in Japan,

and he also owed
hundreds of thousands of dollars

in reimbursements and penalties
and interests,

and that his claim of ownership
was based on a forged document,

and so he died in 2021,

a broken and defeated man,
stripped of his heritage

but still claiming
that he directed "Crocodile."

So, let's say he did.

-He can have it.
-Let's say he did.

Let's not take that away
from him.

-We salute you, Sompote.
-Woot-woot!

-and we salute your 25-foot
special-effects crocodile model

that required 10 operators.

It's a model that's covered
with water buffalo urine,

but it still rules the world
of reptilian art-house classics.

-So, tonight's mailbag...

From Greg Sanchez
of Corpus Christi, Texas.

And he has a question
about "Satan's Little Helper."

-You should answer
that question.

Isn't that one
of your favorite movies?

-It is, yeah.
But I think it's for you.

-Okay. We'll do it together.
-Okay.

-"Hey, Joe Bob,

is Satan
in 'Satan's Little Helper'

the inspiration
for Art the Clown

in the 'Terrifier' movies?

Was Damien Leone
inspired by Jeff Lieberman?"

Director
of "Satan's Little Helper."

"They have similar humor --
evil and funny and antics.

They each have ridiculous
over-the-top kills

sometimes in public places.

There seems to be no boundaries
with either slasher

as far as who they will kill
and where they will kill.

What are your thoughts
or known facts?

Love the 'Satan's
Little Helper' episode.

The drive-in will never die.

Your friend, Greg Sanchez,
Corpus Christi, Texas."

All right.
Do you want to go first?

-Okay, I'll go first.

I can see that,
but I think the answer is no.

-No connection at all, huh?

-I don't think so.

I think David Howard Thornton

was probably inspired
by the classics.

-The classics?
Like what? "Frankenstein" or...

-Well, no, no, like
the Marx Brothers, like Harpo.

-Oh, interesting.
-That's what I see.

-Well, I have to assume

that Damien Leone
was watching every horror film

that came out
when he was in his early 20s,

so I would wager

that he definitely saw
"Satan's Little Helper."

And there is a little
resemblance because of the way

Art the Clown silently
goes about his business.

But I think it's a stretch.

The humor is there.

Maybe he unconsciously
absorbed some aspect

of Satan
in the "Little Helper" movie,

but it's definitely
not a one-for-one.

So, that was the
namby-pamby answer, wasn't it?

So, I'm going to say no.

No, Greg, but thanks for being
a supporter over the years.

I recognize your name
because you've written to us

so many times.
I appreciate that.

-It's a good question, though.

-And I don't think
I've ever done a show

in Corpus Christi,
but send me a venue

and I'll book a show there,
and that's it for me.

And that's it
for Ecological Horror Night,

also known as
"Jaws" Rip-off Night.

Um, I'm Joe Bob Briggs
with Darcy, the Mail Girl,

reminding you that if you can't
race it or have sex with it,

you don't need it,
and the drive-in will never die.

911 dispatcher gets a call
from a hunter.

"I've just come across a
bloodstained body in the woods,"

the guy says. "It's a man,
and I think he's dead.

What should I do?"

And the dispatcher says, "It's
going to be all right, sir.

Just follow my instructions.

The first thing to do
is put the phone down

and make sure he's dead."

There's silence on the phone,

followed by the sound
of a gunshot.

Man comes back to the phone.

"Okay, now what do I do?"

You don't get that one?

All right, all right, one more.
-I mean, I get it.

-I thought that was one
of my better ones.

All right.

Wild rabbit gets caught,

and they take him
to a laboratory

at the National Institutes
of Health laboratory.

When the rabbit arrives,
he makes friends with a rabbit

that's been born
and raised in the lab.

So, one evening,

the wild rabbit notices his cage
hadn't been properly closed.

So he makes a break for freedom,

and he invites the lab rabbit
to join him.

But the lab rabbit is unsure

since he's never been
outside the laboratory.

But the wild rabbit finally
convinces him to give it a try.

And once they're free,
the wild rabbit says,

"I'll show you the number-three
best field."

And he takes the lab rabbit
to a field full of lettuce,

and they eat all the lettuce
they can eat.

And the wild rabbit says,

"Now I'm going to show
you the number-two best field."

And he takes the lab rabbit
to a field full of carrots,

and they eat all the carrots
they can handle.

And then the wild rabbit says,

"Now I'm going to show
you the number-one best field."

And he takes the lab rabbit to
a warren full of female bunnies.

And the two rabbits have sex
all night long.

And as dawn is beginning
to break,

the lab rabbit says, "I have to
be getting back to the lab."

And the wild rabbit says,
"What?!

Why would you do that?
I've shown you the number-three

best field with the lettuce,
the number-two best field

with the carrots,

and the number-one
best field with the ladies.

Why in the world
would you go back to the lab?"

And the lab rabbit says,
"I'm dying for a cigarette."

-♪ We are drive-in mutants
-♪ Drive-in mutants

-♪ We are not like
other people ♪

♪ We are sick
-♪ Sick ♪

-♪ We are disgusting
-♪ Disgusting ♪

-♪ We believe in,
we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ If life had a vomit meter ♪

♪ We'd be off the scale
-♪ Off the scale ♪

-♪ As long as one drive-in
remains on the planet Earth ♪

♪ We will party like
jungle animals ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

♪ We will boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ Boogie till we puke ♪

-♪ The drive-in will never die ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ We believe in ♪

-♪ Blood ♪

♪ And breasts ♪

♪ And beasts ♪

-♪ Yeah, we believe in ♪