Original subtitles

Back in the '80s, I loved making movies,

and the flick that lit my fuse was Back to the Future.

To me, Michael J. Fox as Marty McFly

was the epitome of cool, and I had props to prove it.

Like, all of them.

DeLorean.

Man, I loved that movie,

no matter how many times I saw it.

It's official. 31 viewings and it still holds up.

Ah, it's no Guns of Navarone.

You say that about every movie, Pop-Pop.

Including, oddly, The Guns of Navarone.

Adam, why do you wear that dumb vest every time you watch it?

It puts me in the experience.

Plus, my bosom area runs chilly.

You don't need a vest.

Mama will make sure her baby's boy-bosom stays warm.

Is it better or worse

that she says those things in front of me?

Mom, don't be like that creepy lady in the movie

who's got the hots for her son.

Excuse me, but I would hardly

call the greatest mother-son romance of all time "creepy".

Silence.

I, who dominate all tenses-- past, present, future,

summer, and fall--

have figured out the movie's lesson.

Well, he's gonna say it anyway, so what'cha got, Bar?

That Doc Brown is nothing but trouble,

so never make friends with the elderly.

Sorry, Pop-Pop.

No, don't apologize. I'm good with it.

I think the movie explores the age-old question--

what would you do if you could go back and change the past?

Not a damn thing.

I'm sorry, didn't your wife take off,

so you abandoned your sons to fend for themselves?

I know what I'd change. I'd sit more.

I'd go back to when my three Schmoos were at William Penn.

Oh, we'd totally be besties.

Somehow, time travel is the most believable part

of what you just said.

Mom, you wouldn't go back to your own high school?

Funny you should bring that up.

There is a reunion this Saturday, but I'm not going.

Well, why not?

Well, it would be exhausting having to explain

to everyone all night that I'm not a current junior.

You do gibe off the vibes of someone

- who doesn't understand the world yet. - Aw.

Also, I don't want to go alone, and the next day,

I'm throwing Muriel a surprise first birthday party.

Yeah, no need to whisper.

It's Sunday at 10:00 and they're taking you to the park first,

so act surprised.

Yeah, babies don't know crap.

She still thinks I got her nose.

It's a thumb, dumb-dumb.

Adam, you should take your mom to her reunion.

Me? You know I'm Adam, right?

Carmen, listen to me carefully--

I finally like you now.

It's not happening.

But she doesn't want to go alone.

I wish I could, but, you know,

I've gotta think of an excuse-- dammit!

There was too much pressure.

Diarrhea! Is that something?

Marty McFly would do anything to help his mother.

All right, fine.

It's a date.

Oh, no! Wrong words!

Yay!

I have a date for the reunion, and he's adorable!

I'm gonna chew on my sweet, sweet arm candy.

♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

♪ But nonetheless I feel the need to say ♪

♪ I don't know the future ♪

♪ But the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪

It was 1980-something, and Barry and Joanne

had been living together for a while now,

but had finally put their own special stamp on the place.

Welcome to the homestead!

We made some changes since you were here last.

Is that an arcade claw machine where the sofa should be?

Ahem, that's a skill crane

to sharpen my baby's surgical skills.

For instance, this morning,

I extracted a plush dolphin on the third try.

That could someday be somebody's infected spleen.

In that case, three suddenly seems like too many tries.

Knock-knock.

Why do you say "knock-knock" when we walked in anyway?

Sue me for being playful, Linda.

Ah. Hey, Mom and Dad.

Older, wizened Schwartzes, welcome to the Love Shack.

Ah, you can just call it anything other than that.

We just stopped by with a little housewarming gift.

I bet I know what it is.

When Geoff and Erica moved in together,

they got our Nana's china and flatware.

Ta-da!

It's a gymnosperm.

Oh.

Look at that. A plant.

Huh.

Are your dead Nana's ancestral forks and spoons

buried underneath that hideous flower?

Yeah, Mom where's the good stuff?

Well, you did break a lot of plates

when you were staying with us.

We were having Greek food, Linda. That's what you do.

But also, they got china because

we knew their union was permanent.

Well, me and Jo Jo are way more permanent than these fools.

Fools?

We're married with a child.

Oh, desperately changing the subject--

how is Muriel?

Is she talking yet?

No, Mother, and you constantly asking about it

is certainly not a point of anxiety for a new parent.

She's just saying you were speaking full sentences

at nine months.

It seems Muriel's a little more Goldberg than Schwartz, if you know what I mean.

He got you good, Erica.

Enough about them. You guys don't think our relationship is permanent?

Yeah, Louis, I'm not good enough for your daughter?

Barry, we love you like a son.

It's just, every relationship needs at least one adult.

Louie coming off the top rope with the truth elbow.

- With these two, it's Geoffrey. - Wait, what?

But you two are each-- well, how do I put this tactfully?

Eh, ridiculous.

It's hard for us to take you two seriously.

I mean, look at this place.

It's like an abandoned Chuck E. Cheese.

You mean the happiest place on Earth?

I do not.

Come on, Linda. We gave them the thing.

- Let's go. - Love you.

We're rooting for you.-

No one took Barry and Joanne seriously,

and my mom was seriously excited for her big reunion.

Ah, Beverly, I am so glad you decided to go.

I can't wait to see everyone.

I always forget you two went to high school together.

Yeah, so do I, and I was there.

I'm not sure how to take that.

Who's George Meyerson?

He signed your yearbook "George and Bev forever".

George was your mother's first serious boyfriend.

Ginzy, Murray was my mom's first boyfriend,

and then husband, and eventually listless father

to my siblings and me.

She's talking about high school.

How did I not know this?

Wait, is this the George? The one I've always heard about?

Oh, so Essie's in the loop?

Yes, he's that George.

Ooh! You were Best Couple?

We had our moments.

Well, you certainly had some moments at Senior Beach Day.

And at the prom.

And behind the oak tree.

Oh, Ginzy, you're terrible.

Why? What happened behind the oak tree?

Was it friendship and a solemn respect

that didn't involve touching in any way?

It was innocent, Adam.

We were sweethearts our senior year,

then the next year, I went to college

and your father swept me off my feet.

I just don't know how to feel about this.

Feel about what?

Before I was married, I was a person with a life.

And what if he's there tonight and wants to resume that life?

Oh, pfft.

He's probably chubby and bald by now.

Dad wasn't exactly Patrick Swayze.

I hear he's married and lives in Rochester.

We once stayed in Rochester on our way to Montreal.

Don't tell the Rochester story tonight, Ginzy.

It's a real yawn. Mm-hmm.

Oh, girls, help me get ready.

We've only got two hours for hairspray,

- so it's gonna be down to the wire. Come on. - Ooh!

While I felt uneasy tagging along with my mom,

Barry was looking for an easy way

to prove he and Joanne had legs.

JTP!

Friendship and brutal honesty!

JTP! Friendship and brutal...

- Honesty? - Yeah, what was the second part?

Do we have a new slogan?

A few years back, I suggested "Gentlemen Warriors", but I was told to zip it.

Zip it, Naked Rob.

It has come to my attention

that people think of me and Joanne as ridiculous.

- Can you believe that? - Um...

Can we try an easier question?

I'm gonna keep staring at my shoes.

What the hell, JTP?

Why are we not taken seriously?

Well, in the last presidential election,

you both wrote in Spuds MacKenzie.

Yeah.

He's a Beltway outsider who understands our generation.

The only thing in your guys' freezer is a dozen snowballs.

For a summer sneak attack

on those smug sixth graders down the block.

And you both literally fall down laughing

whenever I mention my grandma's angina.

To lighten the mood.

You know what?

Stop providing shaky evidence of the problem,

and tell me how to fix it.

Maybe you guys can talk about serious subjects. Politics or something.

Too much work. Next.

You could throw a dinner party.

My parents do that a lot.

I think it's so they don't have to be alone together.

Next.

Maybe try to think about what it means to be adults

in terms of moving forward.

Very helpful, Matthew.

Cool. I-I honestly didn't think--

Your idea was such a floating turd,

it made Naked Rob's clunker seem decent.

Ergo, dinner party it is.

- Always happy to help. - You do?

He is not a Warrior Gentleman.

While Barry decided to throw a dinner party,

my mom and her classmates were in a party mood at the reunion.

"Enchanted Waters"?

Isn't that from that time travel movie

we just watched with, um, Marcus J. Frogs?

You know what? It's your night.

- I'll give you that. - Hey, look.

Beverly, it's George Meyerson.

Oh, my God, it is him.

And he looks exactly the same. He's coming over here.

Shut up, Ginzy. Shut up!

I literally didn't say a thing.

Well, well, well.

Beverly Solomon.

George.

It is so nice to see you.

Well, not that it's a competition,

but it's even nicer to see you, so I win.

Hello, George.

Virginia Hollingsworth-Kremp.

I went here as well.

Didn't you drown sophomore year?

No, that was another girl.

Sorry, I just have this memory of delivering lasagna

to a grieving blonde family.

No, no, we were in four classes together,

and then we shared a locker senior year

when they were one short.

- Remember? - Yeah.

Yeah, I'm really digging deep.

I'm-- I'm coming up with bupkis.

Sorry.

Ginzy, stop making George uncomfortable.

Go introduce yourself to the rest of the class.

I already know everybody, but okay.

There he is. Just the guy I've been looking for.

Uh, gin and tonic, easy ice.

What would you like, Bev?

To introduce you to my son, Adam.

Get out of here. How about that?

Boy, he's a regular Tom Cruise, huh?

- He gets that all the time. - I do?

Well, I whisper it every morning.

He's my little Top Gun co-pilot.

Oh, gosh.

Bev, I heard about Murray.

I'm-- I'm so, so sorry.

Well, thank you. That's very nice.

Where's your old ball and chain?

Surely, she's here hanging up your coats,

and then she'll stand dutifully by your side for the rest of the evening?

Actually, I lost Vivian, too.

Not like at the mall.

She's dead.

I'm so sorry.

I-I guess we're in the same boat.

What? Like on, uh, Senior Lake Day?

Well, that was one for the ages.

Yeah.

How many senior days were there?

Eh, Bev, why don't we, eh, get a couple drinks at the bar,

catch up a little bit?

Yeah, ol' Bev here ain't much of a drinker.

But you probably would have learned that

if your personal history together

didn't hit a brick wall senior year.

Well, you know, one little cocktail never hurt anyone.

Eh. Come on, Bev. Let's do this.

Unless Lenny Roper's already drank all the booze.

He wrecked his life with poor decisions.

I know.

To prove that they were a serious couple,

Barry and Joanne decided to have a serious adult dinner party,

or at least their version of one.

Good eventide, dear guests.

Sorry, we're here to see my nutso brother.

How droll. May I take your coats?

He sees that we're not wearing any, doesn't he?

I'm not sure what's happening.

Nice suit, Bar.-

Where are the rest of the Blues Brothers?

What a pleasant bon mot, dearest friend, Geoffrey.

I purchased this at Macy's, in the adult section.

Joanne, dear, company has arriven.

Charmed, charmed.

When did you get a British accent?

Oh, aren't you a cheeky bloke, brother dear.

So, just in the last few minutes, then.

Now, do sit.

And so they did, and things only got weirder.

How are mortgage rates treating you, Mother?

Rally, Jo Jo? You're interested in mortgages?

One day, Barry and I hope to own a home,

so we have to start thinking about whatever mortgages are.

- Joanne, dear... - Hm?

...regale our guests about your love of horsing.

Well, I have been in the market for a stallion.

Of course, she already has one-- me.

Mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh-mwuh.

Are you two okay?

Is there a gas leak?

- No, but we do have some very upsetting news. - Mm.

Matt Bradley's grandmother has angina.

Yes, we've known that for years.

But did you know she has acute angina?

It's something we've been discussing

without bursting out laughing.

I guess that's refreshing.

Last week, you two literally fell off the couch

when I said I was going to the office to tend to my duties.

So, so droll.

While Barry and Joanne were trying out some new personas,

my mom and George were settling back into their old ways.

Holy hell.

You published a cookbook?

I did.

Nobody knows this, but I'm famous.

You know, Bev, I gotta say,

I wasn't sure about coming here tonight,

but seeing you has been magical.

Magic, you say?

Oh, good. He's back.

Go ahead. Pour this milk into this newspaper.

This is the one who's almost 20?

Mm-hmm.

- Nope. - What are you doing, man?

What a mess!

Come on, Mama, let's get as far away

from this clumsy man as we can!

As I tried to keep my mom and George apart,

Barry and Joanne were trying to hold their dinner together.

So, what'd you make?

One of those stupid lambs

where they put little chef's hats on their feet?

What are you talking about?

- You made dinner. - Uh, no.

So we have nothing to serve?

What are we gonna do?

There's that wing place on the corner. Give me 20 bucks.

I only have three.

Here you go, miss.

One for you, one for you.

Bon appetit.

And just so you know, there's no more where that came from.

You guys forgot about the food, didn't you?

For sure. Yes.

While Barry and Joanne proved

they'd never be taken seriously,

my mom and George were proving to have a real history.

My God, were we ever that young?

I know, right?

Here's a big change-- she's a full-fledged granny now.

- Really? - Really.

This lady-- long gone.

I don't know.

Still looks pretty great to me.

Well, I love being a grandma.

In fact, if you're still in town,

we're having her first birthday party tomorrow.

Adorable. I would love that.

Ooh, that's too bad.

Erica's adamant about the guest list.

Family only.

Adam, what are you doing?

Just reminding you tomorrow's a big day.

Ol' Bevy here needs her granny sleep.

I think I can handle it.

Yeah.

George, what do you say we hit the photo booth?

For the first time in my life,

my mom was actually interested in someone more than me.

Oh.

This is going right on my fridge at home.

Wow.

It's kinda squished in here, huh?

Haven't been this close in a long time.

Don't worry! There's room for one more!

There really wasn't.

And while I tried to horn in on their fun,

Barry figured being fun was no longer an option.

What are you doing?

Tossing out all the stuff that makes us us.

Goodbye, gumball machine.

Goodbye, hilarious happy hour clock

where every number is five.

Can you help me push the skill crane out the window?

No, Barry, not the skill crane.

This stuff is who we are.

But everyone thinks we're ridiculous,

and after tonight, it's hard to argue.

But we're not.

We're two people who love each other and have fun together,

and if we can't be that, then I don't want to be anything else.

You're right.

- I don't care if we're ridiculous. - Mm.

As long as we're ridiculous together.

I just wish there was a way that we could make everybody see

that we can be fun and serious.

Maybe there is.

As Barry and Joanne had an idea to shake things up,

my mom and her old beau had some moves of their own.

Alright, folks, we are going to slow it down a little.

Balls! Not a slow song.

I couldn't give up.

All I could do now was channel my hero, Marty McFly

in Back to the Future.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doing?

Sorry, but this is an emergency.

My mom's dancing with someone who's not my dad.

The only problem-- I didn't play guitar.

I'm not what you call musical.

I don't think this is tuned.

Maybe this?

Is this something?

Not even a little.

♪ Go, Johnny, go, go, go ♪

Did I do it? Are we back in the future?

Adam F. Goldberg!

What are you doing?

Suddenly, you and Mr. Class Personality

- are inseparable. - Bev, it's okay.

I get what's happening here.

It's probably best I take off.

But it was great seeing you.

Why would you ruin my night with George?

Because he's not Dad, okay?

Adam, your father was one of a kind.

There will never be anyone who can replace him.

It still seems like you're trying to.

Okay, I don't get it.

Why now?

Where was all this concern when I was seeing Mr. Perott?

That doofy guidance counselor?

Nobody thought that was anything.

But you obviously have a real history with this George guy.

I do!

And it's nice.

And don't you think that just maybe

I deserve a chance to see where it goes?

I don't know.

What you did tonight was really unfair.

By dabbling in my mom's past,

I had messed with her future, and I felt awful.

Pop-Pop, I am such an idiot.

No argument from me.

But-- But I guess say more?

I ran off a decent man

that my mom could have found happiness with.

Well, go get him back.

He's probably halfway to Rochester by now.

How would I possibly get there? I don't even have a car.

I think I can help you.

A DeLorean?

Yeah, my idiot son Marvin owed me a buncha money,

and this is how he paid me back.

Isn't it hideous?

It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

Oh, be careful.

I used some spare parts to fix my coffee maker.

Are you telling me

you made a coffee machine...

out of a DeLorean?

Well, don't say it so weird, but yeah. Now take it already.

Up to 88 miles per hour?

What? No.

That's way over the speed limit.

Am I making a mistake giving this to you?

No, I'll respect all traffic laws.

Let's do this.

Sometimes, we yearn to go back

and fix the past.-

The license plate fell off!

This kid. Eh.

Other times, we rush headlong into the future.

Okay. Say "Dada".

Say "Dada".

Or "Mama".

My feelings won't be hurt too much.

Hello, siblings!

Normal greetings!

What's with the creepy smiles?

I believe what you mean to say is,

"What's with the creepy smiles, Mr. and Mrs. Goldberg?"

That doesn't make any sense-- You didn't!

- They didn't! - We did.

We got married!

You eloped?

Mom is gonna kill you!

Kill us with hugs and kisses.

No, I mean literally kill you dead when she finds out

that she didn't get to plan and ruin your big day.

And despite the fact that they don't have to pay for it,

Mom and Dad won't be much happier.

I guess we weren't really thinking about anyone else.

It'll be fine.

- We just need to pick the right moment to tell them. - Mm.

Like in a couple years, or never.

Yeah. Never sounds good.

No, that would only make things worse.

You have to do it today.

- Then today it is, my love. - Mm.

I will happily tell the whole world.

Oh, we really are the best couple here.

By a lot.

While Barry and Joanne had made their union official,

I figured there was one reunion

that could fix things with my mom.

Mom, I just want to say... I'm really sorry.

It's fine, Adam.

It's not.

I got so caught up in my own feelings,

I didn't think about yours.

So why don't we just forget about it?

Okay. George?

Bev, I just popped by to see if that invitation

to your granddaughter's birthday party was still good?

You really came all the way out here for a baby's birthday party?

That, and I wasn't gonna wait another 30 years

to see you again.

♪ I've been around for you ♪

Well, I don't know what to say.

- How about a "yes"? - Hm?

Well, then, yes.

Yep.

Life back then was full of wonderful surprises,

whether it was an old flame

- or new ones on a birthday cake. - ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

And the best part was we got to share them

with the people we love.

Look at how happy our parents are right now.

It's the perfect time to tell them!

- Okay. - Okay.

Mom, Lou, Linda, I have something to say.

Bubbe.

Was that her first word?

It was! She said something.

It was clearly Bubbe. That's me.

I'm-- I'm her Bubbe.

Our baby's a genius.

She really is a Schwartz.

We can't steal that baby's thunder.

Fine. We'll tell them when things are calmer.

No rush.

♪ Time for me to fly ♪

No doubt about it, the '80s were the best years of my life.

What a crazy and wonderful time to grow up--

the movies, the music, the clothes.

But the thing that made that decade really special

was my family.

♪ But it's time for me to fly ♪

We didn't always get along.

Stop videotaping!

We made a lot of mistakes.

Too many, really.

Don't forget to wash your bottom.

But at the end of the day, we always had each other.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

My mom always said family was everything,

and she couldn't have been more right.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

And even if I had a time machine and could go back,

I wouldn't change a thing.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

So, where are we headed?

I don't know. Let's find out.

♪ It's time for me to fly ♪

It was 1980-something, and it was awesome.

Barry Goldberg, you did what?

I'm gonna miss you guys!