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1
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Here we are, face to face, looking for
the silver spoons.
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Hoping to find we're two of a kind. Make
it a go, make it grow.
3
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Together, we're going to find our way.
4
00:00:23,550 --> 00:00:27,450
Together, taking the time each day.
5
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To learn all about the...
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00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:34,420
you just can't buy.
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To build the schools together, you have
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to...
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ice skating in years.
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Neither have I.
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It sure was worth it.
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It was a momentous occasion.
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Rick did his first figure eight.
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Yeah, but I don't think it counts when
you do the last loop on your rear end.
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Well, I hate to decross and run, but
I've been invited to watch the
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address with the nation at Richard
Nixon's home.
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Oh, well, that'll be on any minute.
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You'll never make it in time. Well, Mr.
Nixon did say he was going to tape it.
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Naturally.
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00:01:54,001 --> 00:01:58,149
Why don't you watch the speech here with
another president?
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Dad.
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Ricky was elected student body president
of Shallow Springs Junior High School.
23
00:02:03,830 --> 00:02:07,210
Well, congratulations, Richard. I mean,
Mr. President.
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Won't have been in office a week
already. The kids think he's the best
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they ever had.
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Oh?
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00:02:13,030 --> 00:02:15,309
He said I had a meeting with the people
in the cafeteria.
28
00:02:15,310 --> 00:02:17,110
I got them to put meat in the meatloaf.
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Dexter, you know Derek.
30
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This is Freddie, Rick's vice president.
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00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:32,970
Oh, you can call me Veep.
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Would you gentlemen like a cup of hot
cocoa?
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No, thank you. See you, Miss Summers.
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By the way, that's a stunning outfit.
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00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:48,300
We're rather in a state of distress,
aren't we, Frederick?
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I told you to call me Veep.
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00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:53,640
Sorry, Veep.
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that one of our rival institutes of
learning, Willow Cove Junior High
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00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:03,670
has, in a wanton act of juvenile
delinquency, absconded with our school
40
00:03:04,670 --> 00:03:06,470
They stole Sammy Spartan?
41
00:03:06,730 --> 00:03:08,850
Yeah. All they left was his foot.
42
00:03:11,810 --> 00:03:13,430
We've got to get away with it.
43
00:03:14,050 --> 00:03:15,550
Tomorrow we've got a pep rally.
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00:03:16,050 --> 00:03:18,460
We're supposed to parade around Sammy
Spartan.
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00:03:18,910 --> 00:03:21,500
We're going to look pretty silly
marching on a foot.
46
00:03:22,970 --> 00:03:26,400
Why don't we leave this problem to Ricky
and... All the president's men.
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00:03:26,580 --> 00:03:30,300
Before you leave, you want to hear
Derek's idea of getting back at Willow
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00:03:30,301 --> 00:03:31,279
Oh, Freddie.
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00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,350
He said we should put a sworn killer
bees in their shower room.
50
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:40,260
He's such a veep.
51
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,500
I merely blurted that out in a fit of
pique.
52
00:03:44,980 --> 00:03:48,640
I confess, I was a little furious at the
time.
53
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,340
I still am a bit.
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00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:55,180
My anger makes me poor company.
55
00:03:55,491 --> 00:03:57,579
No, Derek.
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Your personality makes you poor company.
57
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,380
Good jest, Richard.
58
00:04:05,381 --> 00:04:10,779
Guys, for what it's worth, I think you
better think this over very carefully.
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00:04:10,780 --> 00:04:12,640
Retaliation isn't always the answer.
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00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,300
This man is wise beyond all our years.
61
00:04:17,459 --> 00:04:18,880
You're right, Mr. Stratton.
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00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,510
After all, the good book advises us to
leave vengeance to the Lord.
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00:04:22,810 --> 00:04:24,010
to turn the other cheek?
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00:04:25,370 --> 00:04:26,420
Peep.
65
00:04:32,270 --> 00:04:34,630
Rick, we gotta yap those scuzzwads. This
is war.
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00:04:34,961 --> 00:04:39,569
Derek, what happened to turn the other
cheek?
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00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:42,269
Hey, as soon as we let those bees loose
in the shower room, they'll be turning a
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00:04:42,270 --> 00:04:43,320
lot of cheeks, huh?
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00:04:45,830 --> 00:04:47,870
Let's go, Derek. This foot is heavy.
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00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,189
Shut up, Freddy.
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Call me Veep.
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00:04:50,770 --> 00:04:51,820
Shut up, Veep.
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00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:23,639
In my opinion, it's always a mistake to
put yourself in a... Let me make my own
74
00:05:23,640 --> 00:05:24,690
mistakes, okay?
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00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,320
I'm the president, and the buck stops
here.
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00:05:56,950 --> 00:06:00,990
Ladies and gentlemen, the President of
the United States.
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00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:15,550
My fellow Americans, I'm sorry to
interrupt Dan's fever.
78
00:06:16,770 --> 00:06:18,210
But this shouldn't take long.
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00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:21,429
I just thought I'd let you know how our
country's going.
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00:06:21,430 --> 00:06:22,480
It's going awesome.
81
00:06:24,310 --> 00:06:25,890
After only one week in office.
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00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:31,239
I've eliminated pollution, reduced the
budget, and most incredible of all, I've
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00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:33,410
gotten post office employees to be
polite.
84
00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:36,880
Now, I know what you're all thinking.
85
00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:39,500
You're thinking, way to go, Prez.
86
00:06:40,740 --> 00:06:44,000
But hey, what about nuclear disarmament?
87
00:06:44,260 --> 00:06:45,310
Huh?
88
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:50,640
Well, it's been on my mind, too. And I
think I've got an idea.
89
00:06:51,840 --> 00:06:54,520
Here we have an uninhabited island.
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00:06:55,210 --> 00:06:58,880
located exactly halfway between the
Soviet Union and the United States.
91
00:06:59,350 --> 00:07:03,850
I propose that we take one of our
nuclear bombs and transport it to this
92
00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:07,800
In return, Russia would bring one of
their nuclear bombs to this island.
93
00:07:07,950 --> 00:07:13,169
And then a bomb, and a bomb, and a bomb,
and a bomb, until every nuclear device
94
00:07:13,170 --> 00:07:14,220
is on this island.
95
00:07:14,770 --> 00:07:18,380
And then we appoint a man we all trust
and respect to watch over the bombs.
96
00:07:18,470 --> 00:07:21,050
A man like Jerry Lewis.
97
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:31,650
That's all for now.
98
00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,290
Thank you.
99
00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:35,330
And good night.
100
00:08:45,390 --> 00:08:46,470
give you another shot.
101
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:52,070
This time, when you do the Mexican hat
dance, it's around the hat, not on it.
102
00:08:57,870 --> 00:08:58,920
Hi, guys.
103
00:08:59,270 --> 00:09:00,470
Derek, what do you want?
104
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:04,400
Hey, I'm your chief of staff, your right
-hand man. I'm here to help you, buddy.
105
00:09:11,311 --> 00:09:16,699
I'm afraid I better get going. I gotta
catch a plane from Mexico.
106
00:09:16,700 --> 00:09:17,860
Okay, bye. Hey, Fred.
107
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,870
Yeah? Remember what they say. Be sure to
drink the water.
108
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,530
Okay.
109
00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:31,180
What a wimp. This country hasn't had a
good vice president since Agnew.
110
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,780
Wow. I've died and gone to heaven.
111
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,150
Simmons show.
112
00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:57,479
But Mr. Taylor said that you requested
that I wear this leotard in honor of
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00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:58,620
physical fitness week.
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00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,180
This isn't physical fitness week.
115
00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,420
It's aluminum siding week.
116
00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:09,440
Derek, get this through your head once
and for all.
117
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:13,220
In my administration, women are not to
be treated as sex objects.
118
00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:15,320
Thank you, sir.
119
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:18,000
Hey, you're right, Rick. Sorry, Toots.
120
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:24,749
I can make up for my thoughtlessness.
121
00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:28,329
Would you care to accompany me on an
inspection tour of Old Faithful this
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00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:32,870
weekend? I'd very much enjoy visiting a
scenic wonder with a scenic wonder.
123
00:10:37,130 --> 00:10:39,670
Why don't we go to the Grand Canyon
instead?
124
00:10:40,890 --> 00:10:41,940
I'd love to.
125
00:10:42,410 --> 00:10:43,460
Oh, terrific.
126
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,610
We'll take one of those mule rides.
127
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:49,690
I'd enjoy riding a jackass with a
jackass.
128
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,730
the Russian ambassador gave me this
letter for you yesterday.
129
00:11:10,660 --> 00:11:14,100
Jarek, this letter is stamped important,
urgent, top priority.
130
00:11:15,180 --> 00:11:16,560
So what are you waiting for?
131
00:11:34,350 --> 00:11:35,550
Perhaps one of our ships.
132
00:11:36,090 --> 00:11:38,270
A cruiser, battleship, aircraft carrier?
133
00:11:39,390 --> 00:11:40,440
No.
134
00:11:41,210 --> 00:11:42,260
The love boat.
135
00:11:44,981 --> 00:11:46,669
Now,
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00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:54,249
wait
137
00:11:54,250 --> 00:11:56,840
a minute. The Russians have captured the
love boat?
138
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:58,360
That's right.
139
00:12:00,370 --> 00:12:01,420
Even Gopher?
140
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:07,270
Even gopher.
141
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:10,120
Oh, the fiends.
142
00:12:13,660 --> 00:12:15,160
Look, I gotta think about this.
143
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,110
If we get too carried away, we could
have a nuclear war on our hands.
144
00:12:19,280 --> 00:12:20,330
Nuclear war?
145
00:12:21,680 --> 00:12:22,730
It is possible.
146
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:27,330
Rick, you and I have been through a lot
together.
147
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,780
I have absolutely no doubt that you'll
find a way to handle this trouble,
148
00:12:35,790 --> 00:12:38,990
If you need me, I'll be in New Zealand.
149
00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:53,640
it later.
150
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:58,130
Now, what can I do for you, Mr.
President?
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00:13:59,610 --> 00:14:01,050
I believe you know what I want.
152
00:14:01,930 --> 00:14:04,100
Your government has wiped one of our
boats.
153
00:14:04,710 --> 00:14:05,910
I beg to differ.
154
00:14:06,810 --> 00:14:10,790
We have justifiably captured the
capitalist spy ship.
155
00:14:12,130 --> 00:14:13,180
Bullshoy!
156
00:14:16,370 --> 00:14:18,530
The love boat is not a spy ship.
157
00:14:19,330 --> 00:14:21,440
What do you think? We were born
tomorrow?
158
00:14:23,761 --> 00:14:26,799
it mean to be in your territory?
159
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:28,460
It was a navigational error.
160
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,860
Navigational error, my Aunt Olga.
161
00:14:33,820 --> 00:14:34,870
That does it.
162
00:14:35,820 --> 00:14:39,940
Mr. Ambassador, I intend to take that
ship back by force if necessary.
163
00:14:40,660 --> 00:14:43,000
Oh, yeah, you and what army?
164
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:45,960
United States Army.
165
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:49,800
Oh, big talk. I'm shaking in my
mucklucks.
166
00:14:52,460 --> 00:14:54,220
See, America's more than a country.
167
00:14:54,860 --> 00:14:55,910
It's a dream.
168
00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,090
Just ask Mary.
169
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,300
We're getting breakfast for our kids.
170
00:15:03,700 --> 00:15:06,220
Or Tom, who fills her up when the tank
reads empty.
171
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,790
Or Farmer Bird, who grows the grain that
makes the bread.
172
00:15:11,780 --> 00:15:15,939
Or little Billy, who's up before dawn so
that Mary, Tom, and Farmer Bird have a
173
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:16,990
newspaper to read.
174
00:15:18,940 --> 00:15:22,720
You listen to me, Mr. Feeding and Women
Weightlifters Steroids.
175
00:15:24,001 --> 00:15:30,809
Go tell your government that we're sick
and tired of being pushed around by
176
00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:31,860
pinkos.
177
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:29,509
I hate to say this, but we may be on the
brink of war.
178
00:16:29,510 --> 00:16:30,560
Really? Ooh.
179
00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:36,510
Listen, if there's a war, our men are in
top condition.
180
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:41,290
They've undergone survival training,
hand -to -hand combat, field maneuvers,
181
00:16:41,430 --> 00:16:43,170
plus they've done a lot of genocide.
182
00:16:45,470 --> 00:16:49,050
So we will defeat them on the land, in
the air, on the sea.
183
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:53,589
We will drive them into the ground. We
will vanquish them. By the way, who is
184
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:54,640
the enemy?
185
00:16:55,490 --> 00:16:57,420
Russia. Russia, girls.
186
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:03,760
A problem, General?
187
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:08,020
Well, I was sort of hoping for a
Falklands kind of thing.
188
00:17:08,021 --> 00:17:13,419
General, are you telling me you can't
handle the Russians?
189
00:17:13,420 --> 00:17:17,559
Not at all. We will defeat them to the
last man, because you see, America is
190
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:18,760
more than just a country.
191
00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,230
It's a dream.
192
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,440
Just ask Mary, who's making breakfast
for the kids.
193
00:17:23,760 --> 00:17:26,260
I told you, we still do it when the time
comes.
194
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,820
I gave that speech already.
195
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:33,730
General,
196
00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:38,720
your first order is to surround Russia
with the seventh queen. Yes, sir.
197
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,560
I'm counting on you to go out there and
win one for the ricker.
198
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:16,279
Russians did was wrong, son, but if you
retaliate, you're just stooping to their
199
00:18:16,280 --> 00:18:17,330
level.
200
00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:19,490
But, Dad, our country's pride is at
stake.
201
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:24,959
Son, this could escalate into a big
fight with knives and chains and nuclear
202
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:26,010
bombs.
203
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:28,600
People could get hurt.
204
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,750
Dad, I'm not going to let it come to
that.
205
00:18:31,920 --> 00:18:35,710
Once I show those crumb bombs that I
mean business, they'll back right down.
206
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:40,690
That's the hotline. They're backing down
already.
207
00:18:50,350 --> 00:18:51,400
the charges.
208
00:18:55,150 --> 00:18:56,810
Sylvia Premier, Yuri Andropov.
209
00:18:58,830 --> 00:19:02,350
No, I'm not removing all warships until
you return a love boat.
210
00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:05,090
And I want it back in a hurry, Yuri.
211
00:19:08,790 --> 00:19:09,840
What'd you call me?
212
00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:12,740
Oh, yeah?
213
00:19:13,250 --> 00:19:17,590
Well, why don't you just walk to the
edge of a cliff, Yuri, and drop off?
214
00:19:58,600 --> 00:19:59,650
the president.
215
00:20:34,860 --> 00:20:37,270
Now I'm wiping out their whole
population, too.
216
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:44,140
Incoming missiles will explode in five,
four, three,
217
00:20:44,380 --> 00:20:50,180
two... Well, as I indicated earlier, we
are not trying to become a superpower.
218
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:54,860
We are simply trying to maintain
military parity with the Soviet Union.
219
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:58,820
We must support the Defense
Department's... Dad,
220
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:00,730
I owe you an apology.
221
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:04,930
You certainly do, son, and the president
hasn't finished his speech yet.
222
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,290
No doubt.
223
00:21:08,291 --> 00:21:12,239
What I meant was you were right about us
getting our school statue back without
224
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:15,670
pulling the same underhanded, sneaky
stuff those guys pulled on us.
225
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:19,490
Well, I'm glad to hear you feel that
way, son. What changed your mind?
226
00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:23,319
Hey, I learned my lesson when I sent the
7th Fleet to recapture the love boat
227
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,260
and ended up destroying America.
228
00:21:45,690 --> 00:21:48,790
Together, we're going to find our way.
229
00:21:51,350 --> 00:21:52,400
Together,
230
00:21:52,910 --> 00:21:55,510
taking the time to stay.
231
00:21:57,870 --> 00:22:02,530
To learn all about those things you just
can't find.
232
00:22:02,580 --> 00:22:07,130
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