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00:00:03,370 --> 00:00:08,710
Here we are, face to face, a couple of
silver spoons.
2
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:16,270
Open to find, we're two of a kind. Make
it a go, make it grow.
3
00:00:16,430 --> 00:00:20,610
Together, we're gonna find our way.
4
00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:27,350
Together, taking the time each day.
5
00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:34,400
To learn all about those things you just
can't buy.
6
00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:39,060
Blue and silver spoons together.
7
00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,620
You and I together.
8
00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:46,000
We're gonna find our way.
9
00:00:47,060 --> 00:00:49,020
You and I together.
10
00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:52,660
We're gonna find our way.
11
00:00:53,760 --> 00:00:56,040
You and I together.
12
00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:07,290
Science class early and throw spit wads
on a ceiling over Mr. Bartman's desk?
13
00:01:07,560 --> 00:01:09,260
He'll dry out and fall all over him.
14
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:11,810
I don't know.
15
00:01:12,380 --> 00:01:14,180
Remember we did that to Miss Wibble?
16
00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:18,110
One old thing fell on her hair and
stayed there the rest of the semester.
17
00:01:20,860 --> 00:01:23,390
Somehow Mr. Bartman will figure out I
was involved.
18
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,020
He's always on my case.
19
00:01:25,021 --> 00:01:27,899
That's because you don't know how to
handle a barf bag.
20
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:28,950
I do.
21
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:30,610
For sure.
22
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:31,730
You suck.
23
00:01:35,150 --> 00:01:36,200
Sucks up to no man.
24
00:01:39,390 --> 00:01:41,370
Why, top of the morning, Mr.
25
00:01:41,590 --> 00:01:42,640
Stratton, sir.
26
00:01:43,150 --> 00:01:46,820
Kudos to you on those elegant yet
perfect -for -everyday -to -wear pants.
27
00:01:51,981 --> 00:01:58,609
Oh, morning, Edward. Sit down, Edward. I
need to talk to you. Morning, Kate.
28
00:01:58,610 --> 00:01:59,750
Okay, Kate. I'm all ears.
29
00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:02,890
I just got off the phone with a Mr.
Herbert Hobecker.
30
00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:05,580
And I can't wait to tell you what he's
invented.
31
00:02:05,581 --> 00:02:09,029
It's a home... Home entertainment argon
laser light projector with a built -in
32
00:02:09,030 --> 00:02:10,080
oscillator.
33
00:02:12,950 --> 00:02:14,000
How'd you do that?
34
00:02:14,001 --> 00:02:17,909
Kate, Herbie Hobecker's been bugging me
about that thing for months. I told him
35
00:02:17,910 --> 00:02:19,050
I'm in the toy business.
36
00:02:19,230 --> 00:02:21,710
Well, I agree with you, Edward. It's not
a toy.
37
00:02:22,210 --> 00:02:23,310
But think about this.
38
00:02:23,750 --> 00:02:27,709
Now, they're already using lasers for
entertainment at rock concerts and
39
00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:32,430
laseriums. Now, my idea is that we
develop this projector for use at
40
00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:37,360
Smaller events like weddings, bar
mitzvahs, gala occasions of all
41
00:02:37,361 --> 00:02:41,479
Kate, they already invented something
for you, said gala occasions of all
42
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,800
description. It's called the accordion.
43
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,050
Edward.
44
00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:51,540
Kate, all right, look.
45
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,859
Laser light shows are produced by a lot
of extremely sophisticated, very
46
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,960
expensive, high -tech equipment, right?
47
00:02:57,961 --> 00:03:02,029
Now, how's Herbie Hobecker's little
gizmo possibly going to duplicate that
48
00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:03,080
effect?
49
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,010
I'll get back to you on that.
50
00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:09,770
Kate, there's no market for it.
51
00:03:11,310 --> 00:03:16,509
Oh, yeah? Well, it's a good thing
Jeffrey Catruzzola didn't listen to the
52
00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:17,830
doubters and the skeptics.
53
00:03:19,350 --> 00:03:21,670
Who is Jeffrey Catruzzola?
54
00:03:21,890 --> 00:03:24,330
Who is Jeffrey Catruzzola?
55
00:03:24,750 --> 00:03:26,750
Only the man who invented...
56
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,130
The duck bone.
57
00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:37,520
Now, who can tell the class the atomic
weight of zinc?
58
00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,560
Mr. Fretton.
59
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:52,740
Well, uh, that depends if it's a
porcelain zinc or stainless steel zinc.
60
00:03:57,551 --> 00:04:05,179
the atomic weight of zinc stratum and
without the benefit of your questionable
61
00:04:05,180 --> 00:04:06,230
sense of humor.
62
00:04:08,460 --> 00:04:12,800
Well, I didn't get a chance to memorize
the exact weight.
63
00:04:16,220 --> 00:04:18,860
Taylor. Sir. Can you answer the
question?
64
00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:23,020
I can.
65
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:56,559
Instead of reading the usual one chapter
of The Amazing World of Science, you
66
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:57,610
will read three.
67
00:04:58,260 --> 00:05:02,999
And tomorrow, there
68
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,940
will be a quiz.
69
00:05:09,140 --> 00:05:10,190
Mr.
70
00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:13,960
Barman, that seems like an awful lot to
do.
71
00:05:15,040 --> 00:05:17,870
I mean, none of our other teachers give
us this much work.
72
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:22,769
So maybe other teachers think... this is
a daycare center and let you get away
73
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:27,670
without studying, but not Harry
Singleton Bachman, science instructor.
74
00:05:29,690 --> 00:05:32,090
You children are at a critical point.
75
00:05:32,091 --> 00:05:36,369
The study habits you develop now will
remain with you for the rest of your
76
00:05:36,370 --> 00:05:37,420
academic life.
77
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:42,429
And if I don't instill those habits in
you now, then I am not worthy to wear
78
00:05:42,430 --> 00:05:43,480
this lab coat.
79
00:06:00,679 --> 00:06:05,300
Don't forget, your projects for the
science fair are due one week from
80
00:06:05,460 --> 00:06:10,820
You can impress your parents by winning
the coveted Bartman Einstein Award.
81
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:35,460
to me tomorrow with his signature.
82
00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:42,959
You're a bright voice, Stratton, but
you're sadly lacking in the department
83
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,010
department.
84
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:49,840
If you don't mend your ways, you're
going to be suspended.
85
00:07:43,660 --> 00:07:47,499
Well, it can't all be great days, son.
Heck, I remember several crummy days
86
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,550
I was in school.
87
00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:51,900
Like the day I had to stand up and give
a book report.
88
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:53,580
My zipper was broken.
89
00:07:56,620 --> 00:07:59,480
Or the day I was in chorus rehearsal and
my voice changed.
90
00:07:59,481 --> 00:08:03,579
Or like the day when your teacher would
send you home with a note to your
91
00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:04,630
father.
92
00:08:32,620 --> 00:08:37,579
This is to inform you that your son's
conduct in my class is belligerent,
93
00:08:37,580 --> 00:08:39,860
uncooperative, and disruptive.
94
00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,020
He's a rug cleaner, and the other
students follow his lemons.
95
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:54,860
Dad, that's ringleader.
96
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,830
will be forced to ask for his
suspension.
97
00:09:12,730 --> 00:09:15,070
Warmest personal regards, Harry S.
Bartlett.
98
00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:20,990
Rick, what happened?
99
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,890
Dad, Mr. Bartlett picks on me.
100
00:09:25,250 --> 00:09:27,530
Now, I doubt very much that he picks on
you.
101
00:09:27,531 --> 00:09:30,949
I have a hunch that he's just
disappointed that you don't live up to
102
00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:32,000
potential.
103
00:09:44,590 --> 00:09:45,990
Rick, I know you're upset.
104
00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:50,750
I've been through this myself.
105
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,030
Really? Yeah.
106
00:09:55,190 --> 00:09:56,750
He was my woodshop teacher.
107
00:09:57,870 --> 00:09:59,530
His name was Mr. Doctor.
108
00:10:01,930 --> 00:10:03,130
Boy, was he tough.
109
00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:05,320
And he always used to seem to pick on
me.
110
00:10:06,250 --> 00:10:08,810
Stratton, that's no way to hold a
jigsaw.
111
00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:13,750
With the grain, Stratton, with the
grain.
112
00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:18,800
is made of sandpaper?
113
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:27,020
I resented him very, very much at first.
114
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:33,899
But then I finally began to realize that
Mr. Doctor plain loved
115
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:36,680
woodworking. It was important to him.
116
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:39,080
He had sap in his veins.
117
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,900
That's the way Mr. Bartman is.
118
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:46,060
Only with him it's science.
119
00:10:48,110 --> 00:10:51,090
bumper sticker that says, I break for
Nobel Prize winners.
120
00:10:53,350 --> 00:10:58,289
You see, now, a teacher like that, he
wants you to get as enthusiastic about
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00:10:58,290 --> 00:10:59,340
subject as he is.
122
00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:03,390
So what I did is I decided to earn Mr.
Doctor's respect.
123
00:11:03,710 --> 00:11:09,470
And when it came time for us
woodchoppers to do our special projects,
124
00:11:10,190 --> 00:11:11,570
And I chiseled.
125
00:11:12,930 --> 00:11:14,450
And I sanded.
126
00:11:15,790 --> 00:11:17,350
And I shellacked.
127
00:11:19,070 --> 00:11:20,550
And I shellacked.
128
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,010
And then I shellacked some more.
129
00:11:27,290 --> 00:11:32,130
And when the sawdust cleared, Mr. Doctor
put his arm around me and he said,
130
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:37,130
Stratton, that's the best looking
birdhouse that ever housed a bird.
131
00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:49,690
This project is going to win first.
132
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,260
And I brought my family.
133
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,930
late at the office.
134
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,380
Isn't he a salesman for pure pulp paper
products?
135
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,160
He's vice president of sales.
136
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:12,750
International.
137
00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:18,250
That's right. I think Derek told me that
he'd won the Golden Ream Award.
138
00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,290
Yes, it's a shame John couldn't be here
tonight.
139
00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,980
After all, Derek is his raison d 'etre.
140
00:13:29,620 --> 00:13:32,560
Derek, Mr. Bartman's about to judge a
science project.
141
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:37,820
Excuse me, Mommy Dearest.
142
00:13:43,540 --> 00:13:45,120
Our little joke.
143
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,660
Taylor, what have you concocted for us
tonight?
144
00:13:53,940 --> 00:13:59,100
My project, sir, is entitled The Miracle
of Electronic Eavesdropping.
145
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,339
Thanks to recent advances... or
microtechnology, listening devices can
146
00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:08,520
reduced to the size of, oh, a cuff link.
147
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,440
It just so happens that I've planted a
live bug on my father's person.
148
00:14:15,740 --> 00:14:18,280
We could tune in to him wherever he may
be.
149
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,130
We've heard enough.
150
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:54,690
Au revoir.
151
00:15:00,540 --> 00:15:02,460
Derek, that was a lousy thing to do.
152
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:05,920
All right, Mr. Stratton.
153
00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:07,980
It's your turn to dazzle us.
154
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,870
concentrates them to narrow very intense
beams called lasers.
155
00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:45,739
I've connected my computer to this laser
projector, and I've programmed the
156
00:15:45,740 --> 00:15:47,360
images which you're about to see.
157
00:15:47,660 --> 00:15:52,300
I've also connected a smoke device so
that you can see the laser beams better.
158
00:15:53,180 --> 00:15:54,960
Shall we begin? Take the lights.
159
00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:25,170
The department has to be the most
spectacular science display I've ever
160
00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:27,640
It's always nice to hear an objective
opinion.
161
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:30,230
Attention, please.
162
00:17:30,790 --> 00:17:37,369
Before I announce the winner, I would
like us all to reflect for one moment on
163
00:17:37,370 --> 00:17:40,510
where we would be without science.
164
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:54,469
This year's winner of the coveted
Bachman -Einstein Award
165
00:17:54,470 --> 00:18:01,030
is... Timmy Terrible!
166
00:18:01,170 --> 00:18:02,220
Timmy!
167
00:18:12,810 --> 00:18:17,990
Dad, I later lost a model of a cow's
digestive system.
168
00:18:20,380 --> 00:18:21,640
Edward, he was robbed.
169
00:18:22,140 --> 00:18:25,210
Well, that rubber glove doesn't look
anything like an udder.
170
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:29,550
Come on, son.
171
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:35,939
Mr. Barkman, my son worked his tail off
on that display. Now, you may not
172
00:18:35,940 --> 00:18:40,039
consider this an objective opinion, but
I think it beats the pants off a clay
173
00:18:40,040 --> 00:18:41,090
cow.
174
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,460
Richard, your project was quite
impressive.
175
00:18:46,410 --> 00:18:48,940
It showed hard work, initiative, and
creativity.
176
00:18:50,750 --> 00:18:53,530
You will get an A -plus for your work.
177
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:55,740
I will?
178
00:18:57,630 --> 00:18:58,680
That's great!
179
00:18:59,850 --> 00:19:03,520
But then how come I didn't win the, uh,
coveted Einstein -Bartman Award?
180
00:19:03,690 --> 00:19:05,510
Uh, that's Bartman -Einstein.
181
00:19:07,670 --> 00:19:11,810
I'm afraid your project exceeded the
allowable price limit of $100.
182
00:19:11,811 --> 00:19:16,399
Well, you never told me that there was a
price limit.
183
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:17,450
Yes, I did.
184
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:19,920
I guess you weren't listening.
185
00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:24,720
People, we have cake and cookies here.
186
00:19:27,340 --> 00:19:29,640
They're made entirely out of algae.
187
00:20:07,980 --> 00:20:09,300
and listen at the same time.
188
00:20:12,380 --> 00:20:15,340
You're doing exactly what Mr. Bartman
had hoped you'd do.
189
00:20:17,060 --> 00:20:18,110
I am?
190
00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:20,380
You're enjoying science.
191
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,010
I am?
192
00:20:25,440 --> 00:20:26,780
Sounds like it to me.
193
00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:49,609
I want you to call Herbie Hobecker and
tell him that Eddie Toys is going to
194
00:20:49,610 --> 00:20:51,970
start a laser division, ASAP.
195
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,590
Oh, that's terrific.
196
00:20:54,910 --> 00:20:58,220
Now, we've got to figure out somebody to
head up that new division.
197
00:20:58,950 --> 00:21:01,540
Oh, well, who do you have in mind?
Congratulations.
198
00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:53,719
find our way together taking the
199
00:21:53,720 --> 00:22:00,559
time to learn all about those things you
200
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:01,610
just can't
201
00:22:01,630 --> 00:22:06,180
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