All language subtitles for Seven Of One s01e01 Open All Hours.eng

Granville, fetch your cloth.

The swallows are leaving, Granville, and
they're leaving it on our window.

Why me?

Do you think I've got a natural affinity
for this sort of stuff?

Was it for this I did double -entry
bookkeeping?

Quite clear, you underestimate me
qualities of leadership.

No, that face.

Nurse Gladys Emmanuel.

Possibly the finest backside in the
north of England.

And it all belongs to the state.

Er, Granville, have you been courting
again?

Fat chance.

We don't close till nine.

Mrs Scully said it could have been you
she saw coming out of there, Margaret.

You what?

This place on Frith Street. Let me
finish.

Go and get them papers in.

I told you and told you not to go and
see that Ken Russell film.

You've hardly got your spots cleared up
from the last one.

I'm all right.

I hope you're not abusing your health,
are you?

You look to me as if you could do with a
good night's sleep.

Aye, I could, but we always have to get
up in the middle of it.

Listen, you can't be lying in bed with
customers passing the door.

Have you no sense of avarice, lad?

I'm not a lad any more.

Oh, been through some sort of ceremony,
have you?

Painfully initiated while me back was
turned.

24 hours of unflinching agony to prove
yourself to the elders of the Grocers'

Federation.

Hey, do they still practice that
terrifying trick with a glass of cherry?

25, you know. Oh, that bang we heard was
you going through puberty, was it? I

thought we had a slate off.

I thought we had a slate off. I did
really.

I could be out in the world developing
me full personality.

You have got a slate off.

Look it, the world's gone mad out there.
You don't want to go out there, lad.

Sanity begins at home.

Quiet,

quiet.

It's almost time for the news.

BBC Radio News at... That's better.

You've no idea what benefit I derive
from that regular daily not listening to

the news.

It's a fair public duty these days to
keep yourself ill -informed, I say.

Restores a bit of English sanity to
English streets.

If we don't sell this soon, we're going
to have to empty it.

Never mind that. Why haven't you put the
float in the till?

I've put the silver in, but I wish you'd
do the notes.

I don't like that spring clip. I'll give
it to you.

That'll have somebody yet, that. I dread
opening that till.

I just know one of these days I'm going
to find somebody's fingers in there.

Mine.

Well, it'll all be yours one day, lad.

There's more to life than possessions.

Oh, been watching BBC2, have we?

I told you to leave that channel alone.
They don't know any better. They've not

had your advantages, have they?

What advantages?

Oh, that's right.

Wound me to the quick, won't you? Who
got you out of school as soon as they

could, eh?

Who's struggling and sacrificed to keep
you out of university, eh?

And that's all the gratitude I get. Come
on, get your covers. They'll be here in

a minute from that first bus.

Think on you. Think on.

Some people have to go to university,
you know. The way their parents are

they've no choice, poor devils. Look at
that Joan. Look at that Joan. Look at

that Joan Bakewell. Look at her and all
them other fairy lights.

Whereas if they'd had a decent job,
started work at 14, they'd be as right

you and me.

Here they come.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Good morning, good morning. What was
yours?

There we are.

That's the idea.

Oh, yes.

I'll come back to you when I get my
tongue out.

That's right.

And every packet contains a government
warning, gentlemen.

Good morning.

I don't know why they buy them. What?

And miss an enjoyment.

That's British grit, that is.

That's the British public waving two V
-shaped lungs at the experts.

Hey, Granville, fetch your cloth over
here. I want to see me face in that

A nod, little ambition, you might think.
Just a shopkeeper's quirk.

So get cracking till I can see me quirk
in it.

I'm talking of shopkeeper's quirk. When
you've done that, we'll go over to Nurse

Gladys Emanuel and burn, burn, and buff
up her brass plate a bit.

You're wasting your time there. I
wouldn't like to bet on it.

Why did she go and visit Wesley
Cosgrave?

I've seen her car parked outside his
place nearly every night.

She goes to visit Wesley Cosgrave, as
you put it, because the man has what you

might term a terminal illness.

He's got boils on his ass -ass -ass,
which naturally

inhibits his organ playing.

She goes to alleviate his suffering as
any state -registered Christian would.

She has medical relations with him.

What's your vocabulary, please?

Last thing every night. I am not
listening.

Stays for ages.

I'll kill her.

I'll give her every night.

Get buffing.

I'm only repeating what's been said.

All right, all right, I'm coming.

Now, look, I'll need plenty of hot
water, and if you're going to panic, you

might as well puddle off home.

Can you explain why you're spending so
much time on Wesley Cosgrave's bottom?

Who is this?

It's Arkwright Nebuk. Oh, not at this
hour.

Come to puff up your breastplate.

I'm able to gesture.

Only to find that you've fallen for a
glib line in biblical patter from Wesley

Cosgrave. Go home.

Leave me alone.

You've woken me mother. She'll have acid
regurgitation.

I want to know if it's true.

Of course it's true.

She'll be burping all day. You

realise

that's the... First time I've seen them
out of uniform.

I'm entitled to me private life.

Nobody's stopping you.

Oh, no. We close at nine and the rest of
the day's me own.

I wonder what happened to my watch. It
gives me two full hours of daylight

midsummer's eve.

Listen, if it's daylight you're after,
you're still not ready for a private

life, are you? Hello. Who's this one
for?

Number 11.

You've got 111 written down here. Oh,
heck have I. I've started stuttering in

writing now.

Listen, when you deliver that, when you
deliver that, go careful, for God's

sake, will you? I mean, they've waited
for months and months to get something

that they can love and cherish. And now
it's arrived at last. I don't want you

scratching the bonnet as you go past.

I don't know why they don't keep it in
the garage.

Oh, and watch out for her at number 10.
She's liable to be here at number 8.

They're still swapping.

the lethal tea cake, indulging in his
ungovernable lust for speed at the

of my Eccles cakes.

He breaks like that, all the currents
finish up at one end.

If I could find me watch, I'd say you
was late. Rubbish. I know what you're

selling. It's your timekeeping I'm
quibbling about.

Oh, fresh.

Oh, I never knew a bread man that
wasn't.

If they make this bread any whiter, I'll
have to wear dark glasses.

That's how they third -degree you now,
you know. Oh, yes, they lock you in a

tiny cell, and then they flash a slice
of this bread in front of your naked

People like it white.

Balls.

I wish you'd let me finish sometime.

It's the dirtiest bread in the world. I
know.

Pity it has to taste like polythene,
isn't it?

Still, what can you expect?

With all these monopolies in the flour
trade, just what you get, I suppose.

One loaf in 20 different wrappers. Here.

Keep the crumbs.

Why don't you try and split tins? No,
thanks. I'm having enough trouble with

broken biscuits.

Come on, then.

Now, then.

You.

Think on, I want some money from number
16, in spite of the fact that she's got

an... In spite of the fact that she's
got an... Affliction.

It's sordid asking for money. Listen,
you may be flesh and blood, but that

doesn't give you a licence to blaspheme,
you know.

Don't you ever think about serving the
poor?

Who do you think comes in the shop?

I spend my life serving the poor.

It's easy.

All you have to do is remember never to
give them any credit.

Here you are. Now, get off with you. And
don't forget to ring your bell when you

get to number 75, will you? That carpet
fitter's been in there for three weeks.

I'd hate you to catch him in the middle
of a fitting.

you bought him a van?

Never mind that.

I'm worried about him. Why?

He keeps sneaking off to the bog with
the Manchester Guardian.

It's a stage they go through. Why? When
I've struggled to bring him up Orthodox

Yorkshire Post.

There's no place for a formative mind,
that. Well, they talk about cannabis as

if it were ice cream.

The young have this desire to
experiment. I know. I'll get them in my

doorway.

Hey, what's that perfume you're wearing?
an evening in plaster of Paris, is it?

Never you mind.

It's your wandering thoughts you should
be worrying about, not Granville's.

Listen, when are you going to chuck up
this lark and come and look after me,

Yours is no profession for handsome
lusts. I mean, I fancy the uniform, yes,

it's never knowing where your hands are
being.

Keep taking the tablets, Mr. Arkwright.
We'll all go away.

Marry me, Gladys Emanuel, and I can
guarantee you the finest loin bacon and

and a... and a... and a... and a... and
a...

Full entertainment schedule.

You're at a funny age, that's all.

You'll soon have this bit of trouble
with your hormones and then life will

become much more simple.

Listen, I've managed to get these two
tickets for the Northeastern Mouse

Festival, which is being held in my
bedroom, if you're interested.

Two, Bob, it'll cost you more than that.

It's you, is it?

I'm going to buy you some heavy boots.

Here.

Clutch hold of this. I don't want you
carried off by the drafter under that

door.

I'm all right, is she?

That's the idea.

Doesn't seem for five minutes since she
was your size.

Now, I've only got to look round and
she's got five old levels and thee. Here

you are. Now, don't drop that and watch
them roads.

Speaking bottoms, don't tread on you.

Nobody liked Wesley Cosgrave, even at
school.

He had that brand of Christianity that
was worse than BO.

I wonder what happened to my watch.

Well, I haven't had it. Look, we're not
discussing your problems, we're talking

about my watch.

shows a deep -seated neurotic anxiety
about time.

Oh, it couldn't just be that me strap
broke, I suppose.

You don't go great licks on psychology,
do you? Well, I don't need it, do I? I'm

not a criminal, am I?

Bit of umpty, that's what they want.

That's what he could have done with an
old Wesley Cosgrave, have a belt round

the ear with a Methodist in -book, or
even a pew or two.

A small chapel, really.

I'm disenchanted with irony. You know,
he split on me one Sunday school outing

at Bridlington for toying with what can
only be described as the affections of

Mabel Hemsley.

It only just got started and all. Six
months' groundwork right up the swanny.

You know, that girl could get through
bars of whole nut chocolate quicker than

anything I've ever seen.

It was like watching McAlpine start in a
motorway.

is in direct conflict with the
mainstream of my personality.

And half a fuss about it and all cost me
a part in the Christmas play, that did.

In a word, I hate it.

Yes, I was going to be St Paul, but they
struck me down before I got anywhere

near Damascus.

Well, I'd hardly got back from
Bredlington.

All right, all right, we got the
message, so you don't like Wesley

have nothing against him.

Anyway... It's not only boils she's
interested in.

You know what?

He's got a verruca.

That's all the nurse, she told me.

What, my Gladys Emanuel?

Who else?

Did she mention me at all?

No, not a word.

Is she obsessed with that man?

All right, I'll go.

Just said he got his verruca.

Damn show -off.

Probably got in on the HP.

Mrs Scully.

Ah, by, that pram's seen a bit of
service, hasn't it, eh? Aye, never no

No, I should think not, not with your
lot.

Why, you do better keeping the bottles
than trading the kids in.

Get away, they're all right.

Hey, my last one's going to be clever.

He's writing already.

He's nearly covered the lavvy wall.

Yeah. I was down there yesterday tea
time reading it to his dad.

His dad? He never got up specially, did
he?

No, it was his pub time. Oh, I thought.

Hey, while I think on, you'd better give
me a cigarette.

He's unbearable, we had to smoke.

He's not very fascinating with one, is
he?

Used to him, you know. Oh, would you
give me half a bottle of sherry for our

Claudine? Well, that sounds a fair
exchange, yes.

She's very upset.

Your young man's just broke it off.

Cat food? I thought you'd lost your cat.

Oh, so did we. But we're in bed all the
time with me husband.

You know, he likes to put his feet on
it.

There's been that call for him up there
this week. Well, the council's putting a

new window in the bedroom, you see. Oh,
I see. But he's still there, there. Did

he stick in it out? Oh, yes.

But he enjoyed it.

I think it's the company. Do you know, I
think he misses work sometimes.

Sometimes? He misses it every ruddy
time.

Oh, come on. He can't be thought.

with tears in his eyes while I've been
lying there in pain.

He's thugged, Mr. Arkwright. Well, you
wanted him back.

Never mind. Hey, our Newton will be home
soon.

Your Newton?

Oh, no. They've never given him full
remission again, have they?

Oh, it's all right.

He's going straight this time. He always
does. Straight for someone's till.

No, he's been studying.

Well, he's met a nicer class of people
up there this time.

They're learning him a useful trade.

He's going into the post office. Oh,
probably the night after he comes out, I

should think.

Good night, darling. Thanks.

Oh,

sorry.

Hey, well, where the hell have you been?

Look at the tap. Oh, never mind.

Listen, if she'd set off while you were
still out, I'd be stuck here, wouldn't

I? Well, Wesley Cosgrave would be up
there giving her a tune on his verruca.

You can't stop her. Well, I can't even
try if there's nobody of mine in the

shop, can I?

Well, if I had a van, I could be back
much quicker.

Mind you, she hasn't moved for an hour,
you know.

I don't reckon she's going out tonight.

No, it's all rubbish.

No, if I had a van, I'd have to call for
petrol and things.

I mean, I'd meet people. She's in there
with her feet up, the fire going,

knitting, brushing up her pelvic
fractures.

Wesley, you've had it. You know, van
drivers have got numerous advantages

people on shop bikes.

I mean, as a class, they've got more
panache.

I mean, you can't swan up to some bird
on a shop bike.

I'll take her a bottle of milk stout
over when we close, I think. I mean,

you tried casually dismounting and
lighting up your monogrammed cigarette?

You don't smoke.

Well, sucking on your monogrammed ice
lolly, then.

Pausing only to adjust the cut of your
flaming penny.

Have you got a frozen Zoom?

You might well have, Tom.

At this rate, I'm never going to find
out.

He wants an ice cream. Come over here,
young Keithy.

Here's your money.

Here you are.

Hey, hey -o, Granville.

Hey, look at that.

There's your cloth over here.

Hey, what time is it? About 20 minutes.

I thought she'd taken something out of
her car.

You what? I think she must be getting
ready to go.

I think you've had it.

She's going up to Wesley's for an
evening of boils and Bible bashing.

Why him? Why not me?

She obviously admires his good works.

Well, if they gave him a chance, then no
better than my works.

It's nothing, really. I was just
reaching up to get me Bible and the

slipped.

You'd best come in, then. Oh, thanks
very much.

There's more light in there. I can't
take you through to the other room. My

mother's watching the telly. Oh, no,
Kitty's fine. You don't have to make a

for me.

No, well, just sit down in there. I'll
just go and tell my mother who's here.

She gets a bit nervous of noise.

Oh, yeah.

Were you just going out? I mean, this
can wait till morning, just if it has

Just one more call, that's all.

Urgent, was it? No more social, really.

Social? Oh, I didn't think you were
supposed to get social with the

No, that sounds a bit rammy to me, that.

I thought you were supposed to be above
suspicion, like corset fitters and

tattooists.

The world's sorriest sight.

Homo sapiens. Male with a spring frog.

Let's have it off, then.

I beg your pardon?

The sling, you fool.

Oh, I see.

Well, less of the sweet talk, then. Do
you soft -soap everybody like this?

Typical. Men.

They all come running for sympathy
before efficiency.

Careful!

You'll break it in half.

Tell me, what was it like in the Woffin
SS?

Bowels, all right.

Bowels? Your idea of sweet talk, really.

Hey, next time you see him, remember me
to Jackie Palo, won't you?

I want you to drink this.

It's for shock.

Well, I haven't got shock.

You will have when you get that down
your throat.

Hush, you think, that's been handed down
from generation to generation, hasn't

it? Like typhoid.

Here, does it shift rust?

You'll find out what it will shift.

Look, look, you know very well I'd go
through fire and water for you, but not

the same glass.

You shouldn't come here wasting my time.
But have you no compassion for the sick

at heart?

I mean, do you think of everything in
terms of medicine? Could you not just

clasp me to your bosom with a motherly
gesture?

You've got the chest for it.

Get off home.

Listen, don't go up there tonight.

He's no good for you.

What are you talking about?

Wesley Cosgrave. I know you go up there
every night because your car's been seen

in his yard. Wesley Cosgrave is a very
kind man and he does me a good turn.

I give you no shame at all.

He lets me park my car there because
there is no room at my sister's.

Oh!

Oh, I see!

Oh!

I'll give you a park outside where
Wesley Cosgraves every night.

Well, she is. She's not. She's up at her
sister's.

Right, then. I'm not all right.

She gave me half a pint of something to
drink that was made out of postman's

feet.

Where's she work, then?

Petrol pumps.

Oh, Lord preserve us. A future filled
with unlimited free football badges.

moments of your youth.

Can I take a couple of chock arses?

Certainly.

Just put your money in the till.

They think because you're middle -aged
you don't know what romance is.

It's that magic something that enables
you to survive chat like, what are your

bowels like?

She'd be a riot if I took her to the
Federation dinner with a vernacular like

that.

She's got a right old grip.

With a partner like that beside him, a
man would have somebody to unload his

delivery wagons for him.

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