All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s03e14 Throw Mama from the Apartment

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now I just have to pay.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
pay.

I've got to relearn the basics that I
never learned anyway. When will I find

someone who understands?

And when will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was sort of the longest day.

It was a rude...

even heavier than the emotional baggage
I carry.

Well, I'd help you with them, darling,
if it wasn't for my heart.

Actually, I wouldn't.

Your apartment got smaller.

No, you're just standing up straight.

Well, enough of that for one day.

Look, Mommy, I am really happy you want
me to help you with your sobriety.

I mean, I know it must have been
embarrassing gasping for air on the

the polo lounge, but if I'd known it
took that to get you to call me, I would

have suffocated you myself.

Boy, that came out wrong.

Well, I hope it did, darling. Let's not
bring up that incident again. You'd

think that that maitre d' had never seen
a woman with a heart condition before.

A woman with an alcohol -related heart
condition who had just drunk a pitcher

margaritas? In record time.

How can you joke about it when you have
a life -threatening condition?

I mean, picking up a drink is like
shooting yourself in the head.

No, it's not.

I wouldn't be here.

No need to lecture.

I have been dry for three miserable
days.

Well, the beginning part is the hardest,
but it gets better. I mean, imagine

waking up without a headache, and in the
morning. What's the point of waking up

at all if there isn't any fun,
excitement, or young men in my life?

Who says you can't have all that without
alcohol? Who needs to say it, darling?

It's obvious. Just look around you. Do
you see any fun, excitement, young men?

If there are, you've got them very well
hidden. Come out!

Well, Marcus is on his way over, and
he's young.

Oh, I hope he's bringing a friend. Are
you suggesting a three -way, darling?

which, I must point out, I would need
some alcohol to get through.

Really? Just alcohol?

Yes, for a three -way with my mother, I
would need the threat of death, followed

shortly by the actual death.

Oh, God.

Death. There's that word again.

You know, when the doctor told me that
I'd die if I didn't stop drinking, oh,

really was a buzzkill. But now that I
have actually stopped drinking, the

thought of death helps me pass the time.

Listen to me, old stick in the mud. I
used to be gay, carefree, cavalier.

You sound like one of the musketeers.
Oh, I wish I was, darling.

Instead of this, a lonely woman clinging
to her daughter.

Well, cling on, Mommy, because we are
going to make this work, okay? We'll go

meetings, we'll go shopping, and you'll
pay, we'll talk.

Oh, darling, can't we do all that with
young men? I can't emphasize enough the

need for young men.

Hey, if there is one thing I know about
the program, it's where the cute guys

are. In fact, it may be the only thing I
know about the program.

I've raised you well.

Now, where will you sleep?

Well, I've only got the one bed. Then I
insist you take the couch.

Miss Frank.

Yeah, nice to see you. Oh, you too.

And you are?

Marcus. You remember you met my
boyfriend in the hospital, Mom?

No, I don't really remember the
hospital.

Well, oh, okay. Well, I'm Marcus.

And I was planning to take your lovely
daughter here to Catalina. Yeah, maybe.

Some heavy bags for one weekend. You
would leave your sickly mother alone on

day she's moved in? Of course not.

I mean, not...

Not now, anyway.

You're moving in with Billy?

Yeah.

Isn't that great?

Wow, yeah, that's so great. Yeah, hey,
that's better than Catalina.

Matter of fact, I'll find someone else
to go with me.

So, um, Miss Frank?

I'd love to. No, no, no. Okay, you are
not going to Catalina. You're coming

me to a meeting.

Maybe next weekend, yeah. Okay, yeah.

I know we were supposed to have a big
romantic weekend, but my mom stopped

drinking, and maybe I'll be able to get
away a little bit Sunday afternoon.

Sunday afternoon? Like, a little bit?

Yeah, I'm sorry, but I promise I'll make
it up to you.

Oh, I'm gonna hold you to that.

Matter of fact, I'm gonna hold you to a
lot of things.

Promise? Cross my heart.

Hope to fuck you.

So long.

Call me.

Hey. Oh, Trudy, seeing you at a meeting,
it's like a dream come true.

Darling, if my dreams were coming true,
we'd both be naked.

Well, then, let's take it one dream at a
time.

It's an odd choice to have a meeting in
a bar.

It's a bit like having a prayer group in
a whorehouse.

Well, I've done a lot of praying in
whorehouses. You know, please, God, let

be a cold sore, I said.

Talking to my mother. And you're
interrupting me. Here, darling. Dave, I

this is really nice. I like your new
place. It's beautiful.

I'm sure it'll be a great success. But,
you know, there's a pow -mel that you

might want to check out.

Hey, doll face.

You're new.

You're a corner.

There's many. Will you move along?

Doesn't this... Do organizations have
any membership prerequisites like

deodorant and teeth?

The only requirement is a desire to stop
drinking. Yeah, although a desire to

stop stinking is always appreciated.
Where's the bathroom?

There. I am going to use the toilet,
unlike some other people here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, isn't this exciting?

I mean, I wasn't this excited when I got
sober. I know. I was there.

All the time. You know what I'm going to
do?

I'm going to throw a party for her when
she gets her 30 -day chip.

At Chippendales.

Chips and Chippendales, and who knows,
maybe she'll meet a stripper named Chip.

It'll be so perfect, I'm going to start
planning it right now. No, wait until

she's sober for at least a week before
you book the strippers, okay?

What, you don't think that my mother's
going to make it? I just, I think it's

one day at a time for a reason, you
know? And as much as I want your mom to

succeed, I also want you to be
relentless.

Hey, all right, all right, I won't get
too excited.

My mommy's sober, my mommy's...

All right, let's get this meeting
started.

I'm Carl, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Carl.

It's been a rough month for me. Some of
you might not know this, but my wife is

divorcing me, and I've never wanted to
have a drink so bad in my entire life. I

mean, it's hard not to celebrate.

Actually, it's been pretty tough, but
thanks to you, I'm still sober.

Yeah.

Okay, do we have anyone here who has
less than 30 days sobriety?

Bless you.

Welcome to Addiction to Anonymous.

Here's your chip.

Hello.

I'm Trudy.

I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Monty.

That wasn't so hard, was it?

I'll say it again.

I'm an alcoholic.

Oh, this gets easier every time.

I'm an alcoholic.

I am an alcoholic.

I'm an alcoholic.

Feel cleansed.

And it's very hard to face a life
without alcohol.

Sadly for me, the only other option was
death with alcohol.

What I wouldn't give for door number
three.

Because I've got a really good role
model, yeah, my daughter.

And I've never said this, darling, with,
well, not with you in the room.

I'm very proud of you, Billy.

Since I'm following your example, I'm
proud of me, too.

I don't care what you say. I am booking
those strippers.

Okay,

that's great. Now, I want to shoot some
out on the balcony where the sky will

bring out the blue in my eyes. Hey, hey,
hey, Spielberg, listen up, man.

We already shot half an hour of the I
Miss You Raquel video.

The girl don't have the message by now.
You don't want her, man, because she's a

retard. Shut up, okay? You are ruining
the mood.

What mood? The mood.

The mood. The mood of the romantic video
that's going to keep our love alive. I

know that Raquel misses me.

Oh, shit, Dave. You're just worried
she's going to run off with an

dude with blue eyes than yours. That's
right.

Okay, turn it on. It's already on.

You just shot all that shit about me
talking about my blue eyes. Shut it off,

man. I'm going to look like a faggot.
We're too late. You already look like a

fag. You're one mess shirt away, my
friend. Look at you. You're wearing

clothes. Hey, that wouldn't make me a
fag, man. That would make me a cross

-dresser.

Let's just start again, shall we? Okay?
Just make sure the sun is behind me.

That way I'll be back with you.

Okay. Hit it.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm done, babe. I'm done.

Mm -mm.

All this making a video for your girl is
making me think about my girl, who, by

the way, Dave, I haven't seen in five
days, man. I got you beat, my friend. I

haven't seen mine in two weeks and
counting.

Well, I get two weeks and counting. I'm
gonna start noticing how blue your eyes

are. Yeah.

Blew with my ball.

So we went to a meeting at the beach
today.

Good. Wasn't it fun, Mommy?

Oh, yes, darling.

But without the pina coladas going to
the beach, it's really just an

to get sand in your crotch.

Okay.

But dinner's great, right?

Right.

That is my special lasagna. It's made
with portobello mushrooms.

Please try this. It looks very tasty.

Without Chianti, Italian food's really
just a bunch of noodles.

Well, it's just a bunch of noodles even
with the Chianti. I know that, darling,

but everything reminds me of drinking. I
can't think of one single good time

where booze didn't fit in the picture.

See, all alcoholics go through that.

It's very easy to associate everything
with booze.

It's true.

Christmas, you drink spiked eggnog. On
your birthdays, you toast with

Brunch, you kick off with a mimosa,
right? On your faders, you have

Manischewitz. Here's your near beer.

I haven't had this many O'Douls in me
since the tour at Ireland.

Well, you're laughing. That's good.

On the outside, darling. On the inside,
I feel shitty and lonely.

Shitty and lonely.

That's great.

Congratulations. You're on the road to
recovery. Well, I'd rather be on a

to recovery. First class to Paris,
because at least the coffee's a bit

there. Well, see there, you found
something good that's not alcohol

Darling, I used the coffee to sober up.
What? All right, fine. I'll get you some

French fucking coffee, all right? Don't
fucking talk to my mother that way.

Ex -lover squirrel would that I had an
ex -lover to squirrel with. I'll find

somebody to pick an argument.

I don't worry for the loo.

This has been so fucking hard. I know.

But you're doing great. You've got eight
days to work. Great. Just hang in

there. Whatever you're doing, it's
working.

Yeah, well, let's just hope Marcus can
hang in there.

You know, I mean, so far he's been
great, but at some point we're going to

to have contact.

Contact.

Yeah.

What I would give you some contact right
now, I'm going to call Raquel.

I know. It is not good. I'm seeing your
girlfriend.

It's been a long time.

I have been thinking about you a lot. A
lot. Are we doing this?

Oh, yeah. This and some more.

Shit.

Hello?

Oh.

Yeah, Mom, please stop crying.

Okay. I'll be right there.

I'm sorry.

I've got to take a rain check.

We live in L .A. It doesn't rain in L
.A.

It's not tough?

It's not okay.

You don't have to.

It's okay. This is very good.

It's not nice. It's not good. I don't
know what's going on with me, but I know

that it's not good.

Yes, it is.

Mommy, everybody goes through this when
they stop drinking. You start feeling

the emotions that you repressed all
these years.

Well, they repress them. I think they
should be more than repressed. They

be squelched and suffocated and
strangled and left alone on their own

making myself clear.

I don't like them.

I'm picking that up.

Look, Mommy, I know it's hard to
believe, but this is very, very good.

would you stop saying that?

We're going to go on like this. We have
got to come to some sort of an agreement

about what good is.

Okay. It means if you make it through
this, everything's going to be okay.

That's what they said to me when I was
giving birth to you, and then the next

years were no picnic, believe you me.

No.

Hey, I know it wasn't a picnic for me
either, but I'm here.

I'm going to stay here with you even if
it takes another 30 years.

There's the postcard that you sent me
right behind the bar.

And there's the koala bear.

So cute.

Not as cute as you, though.

Here's me telling you that I love you.

I love you, Raquel.

I love you. And here's Mark.

Say something to my girlfriend, man.

Hey, Kathy.

He's kidding, obviously, because, you
know, there is no Kathy.

Oh, then who's that chick I saw you with
last night, huh?

Goodbye.

Thank you, Lenny. Thank you. This was
supposed to be a romantic tape for my

girlfriend, Raquel.

Why don't you just call her?

I try calling Australia every day. It's
expensive.

Oh, so you're not only pussy whip, you
cheat.

And horny. Very horny.

I miss her, all right. What is that, a
crime?

I haven't seen my lady in what, nine
days, eight long nights? Do you hear me

whining about it? I do now.

That's because it has been a long damn
time, man.

All this bitching and moaning, and you
two are wondering why I don't have a

girlfriend? We all know why you ain't
got no girlfriend.

Oh, really?

Well, maybe you can tell me. You know, I
don't think I'd mind having a

girlfriend. In fact, maybe you can hit
me up with that Kathy check.

There's no Kathy, okay? I was just
making a joke.

Look, man, if you don't want to hook me
up with her, just say so, all right? All

right, fine.

I don't want to hook you up with her.

That's all you had to say? Mm -hmm.

Look, man, I can't even hook up with my
own lady, Lenny. I mean, what's the use

of having a lady if all you can do is
stay out of her way? You are doing

everything that you can do. That's what
you can do. I don't even have a

girlfriend, and I know what he can do.

Shop. Buy her something. What are you,
stupid?

That's a good point.

He's got a good point. You know you get
her something expensive at Neimondale?

The bag alone would bring a smile to
Billy's face.

Oh, the bag will make a smile.

What'll make him moan?

Jewelry.

And now a moment of silence for the
alcoholic who is still suffering.

Praying for the alcoholic who still
suffers.

I am suffering, darling. My lips are
very dry.

Keep coming back.

It works if you work it. Work it.

I'm really sorry about your wife leaving
you.

If you ever need a shoulder to cry on or
a body to lie on or in, I'm available.

As flattering as that is, I don't make
it a habit to date newcomers, and I

that my wife is having me followed.
Who's talking about dating? I'm talking

about sex.

Your wife can watch as far as I'm
concerned.

God, if only I could black out on
command.

Darling, we all wish that.

Mommy, why don't we go to Starbucks and
pick you up a nice young counterboy who

will not only be able to satisfy you
sexually, but will also make you a

cappuccino every time.

Nothing would make me happier, darling,
but work for this damn doctor's

appointment.

Today?

That's why I brought my own car. I can't
wait to impress him with my low blood

alcohol content. My own daughter, you
know.

Want some company?

Yeah. Probably take all day, and I've
taken up enough of your time.

You sure?

Why don't you go over to Starbucks, pick
me out a cute cappuccino boy to go.

Grande.

I just adore shopping.

Oh, I didn't show you what I just
bought.

New nose. I love it.

Wrong. That's last year's nose.

I just had my crow's feet removed.

And I've trained myself not to laugh so
they won't come back.

That's a small price to pay for beauty.

Excuse me. I'm looking for a gift for my
girlfriend.

Baby, I would swim the deepest ocean for
you.

That's lovely.

Only $450.

Oh. How about something that says I'd
swim a really large lake?

Oh, oh, oh, don't look now.

But there's a gorgeous man staring at
you.

Fabulous. I'm already hammered. About
time I got nailed.

Oh, hello.

Hi.

Hi. Yeah, I'm surprised to see you. And
since you're drinking, I guess you must

be surprised to see me.

That's not my drink. That's hers.

Oh. Oh, yes.

I hate to drink alone, and Trude
wouldn't drink with me.

I ordered two. Well, how nice of you to
keep the drink in front of Miss Frank.

Oh, please call me Trude. Oh, just call
me.

That's my daughter's boyfriend.

Oh.

Who really cares about her, and if you
did, you probably wouldn't be here

drinking. Harold.

You know, I don't think I'll be going to
Catalina with you after all.

I will.

What's Billy going to think?

She won't care because she won't find
out, at least not from me.

Look, don't you think you owe it to
Billy to tell her?

What? No. Look, mister whatever your
name is, I haven't liked you from the

moment I met you at Billy's apartment.

We met at the hospital.

Whatever. The point is, my disdain for
you has grown during the course of this

conversation. Okay. Well, I guess
there's nothing more to say.

Good day.

Oh, except one thing.

I feel sorry for you.

What was that all about?

I forgot to tell you. I'm an alcoholic.

Good fucking deal. I am too.

Perhaps we shouldn't have another glass.

Waiter. The bottle.

Yeah. You okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm cool.

Well, you seem a little distant.

It's this whole thing with my mom,
right?

Sometimes it's kind of hard to know what
the right thing to do is. I know, but

you know what? Me and my mother have
never been this close.

You know, and I really feel like I'm
helping her.

I mean, she's doing so well. She went to
this doctor's appointment today, and

then she went to a meeting all by
herself.

Why don't you stay here and we'll all go
to dinner when she gets back?

I don't know. I think I'll just give you
guys some space. I don't want to be

intrusive. Oh, now you don't want to be
intrusive.

Oh, darling, she's up.

Still, I thought you'd be sleeping.

How could I be sleeping when I didn't
know where you were?

Well, I'm here now, darling. Good night.

You drunk?

Well, don't you take that tone with me,
young lady. The maid didn't raise you to

speak to your parents that way, did she?
She did. I'm firing her again.

Look, Mom, why don't you just tell me
the truth, okay? I mean, it's okay if

you've been drinking.

Oh, it is?

Well,

now you tell me.

You programmed people need to get your
rules straight. I mean, it's okay if you

slipped. We'll just start over again.

We will?

Yes.

Yeah, I mean, we can start right now.
Just tell me what happened.

Oh, darling, seriously.

They were just planning to have coffee,
you see, darling.

But they had to brew it. It was taking
so long. But the wine was ready, you

It was all made.

And what I'm saying is that if the
coffee had been available, then you and

wouldn't need to be having this
conversation now. You see, I blame the

waitstaff. Why don't you? So you didn't
go to the doctor? Yes. No.

I'm tired of talking about this, right?
Why do you just make it as fast about

one little slip, huh? Because you have a
heart condition.

Oh, yes. Rub my heart in my face. And
while you're at it, why don't you just

on and tell me how much younger you are
than me? And why don't you tell me how

you have a boyfriend and I don't? And
why you have a full life ahead of you

I, oh, I, I... You will die if you don't
stop drinking.

Just promise me that you'll go to a
meeting with me tomorrow, okay?

Sleeping in tomorrow, you go to the
meeting and take notes.

Okay, then we'll go to a later meeting.

No, I won't.

I'm not going anymore.

Look,

Mommy.

You'll just have to get some rest, and
in the morning you'll feel different.

You'll want to feel different.

I feel good the way I am right now.

Yeah?

What's the matter, honey?

You were right. My mouth slipped.

Oh, God.

I'm sorry, honey.

I mean, I don't know why I'm so upset. I
slipped.

She drinks a lot more than I ever did.

I guess I just wanted her to choose me
over the alcohol.

You know, not just now, my whole life.

Do you think it's my fault?

It is not your fault.

And most people don't make it.

They don't.

Yeah, she's not most people. She's my
mom. Honey, she's not going.

I know.

I hate it.

What am I supposed to do now?

Turn it over.

Right? Go to a meeting tomorrow.

You'll know what to do.

What do you do if your girlfriend's mom
starts drinking again and your girl is

all beat down about it, man?

Buy her a drink.

She's an alcoholic.

Buy her a car.

Motherfucker, why I even ask you?

Man, I don't know, man.

You know what I'm saying?

Why did you ask me? All I know is this
is some good shit

right here.

Where were you?

I went to a meeting.

Again? Does it ever stop?

No, not for me, it doesn't.

Especially now.

See, look, Mom, I've been thinking a lot
about us, and as hard as it is for me

to say this, you have to go.

What?

Well, I can't just stand by and watch
you drink yourself to death.

Fabulous.

I was just writing you a note.

What? I'm moving into Vivian's anyway.

Well, you can't leave.

You just kicked me out.

Yes, because I wanted you to stay.

Okay, when I said you have to go, I
wanted you to say that you would stay

that you'd quit drinking.

Tough love doesn't work on rich people,
darling.

Anyway, you said yourself you don't want
me drinking under your roof. Vivian

doesn't care if I drink under hers. And
let's face it, darling, her roof is a

hell of a lot... Bigger than yours. Mom,
you know what you're picking when you

pick Vivian. There's a fabulous house in
Beverly Hills with a pool.

You're not going there to swim. You're
going there to drink.

I can do both there.

Don't worry, darling. We'll invite you
over.

What about your heart?

I don't want to talk about that.

She will visit, darling. You bring a
bathing suit.

This isn't turning out the way I
planned, Mommy. Things rarely do.

If you don't stop drinking, you're going
to die.

We're all going to die sometimes.

Lord, you'd think those people in that
program would teach you to deal with

a little better.

Well, I don't want to learn that.

Darling, you're a big girl.

You've got to learn to do without me
someday, and you are doing a fine job.

Look, I meant what I said in that
meeting.

I'm very proud of you.

Come on, Mommy, please don't go.

I'm just going to Viv's, darling.