All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s03e09 Do the Right Thing

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now it's just path to pay.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
stay.

I gotta relearn the basics that I never
learned anyway. When will I find someone

who understands?

And when will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was thought of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening.

And I hope it won't always be.

Special business. We need a new
secretary since Angela's moved to

Man, if the English think they had a
problem with mad cows before, wait till

they get a load of Angela.

Any nominations?

I nominate Phoebe. I nominate Stan.

Dan, if the man had a lobotomy, he'd get
smarter.

I'm not deaf.

I wasn't criticizing your hearing.

Stan or Phoebe.

Hey,

what about me?

What about you?

The secretary.

Come on.

You've got to get here early.

You've got to open the door.

You've got to make sure all the other
positions are filled. You've got to get

speaker every week. I want you to
nominate me, not try to talk me out of

Okay. Anybody else? Yes. I nominate
Billy F.

Yay!

This is exciting. You know, I've never
been nominated for anything.

Well, except in high school when I was
voted most likely to conceive.

Okay. All candidates, please step
outside.

Go. Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave, carry my
message. If I don't win, I'm not coming

back. That's a very patchy slogan.

Oh, you know, our new secretary is Billy
F.

Come on up.

And then happy.

And, gosh, I mean, I'm really happy that
you all voted for me.

Well, most of you.

I hope I didn't win by a very small
margin.

Anyway, that doesn't matter. What
matters is that you're putting your

me, and I will not let you down.

Here's the key to the room.

I'll see you next Saturday night. Oh.

I had a dollar for every time I heard
that.

Congratulations.

I love that movie.

What was it about again?

I can't remember. Oh, no, no, I know.
There was this guy and this girl, and

were making out.

That was us.

Hey, wait, but did a character in the
movie yell out, get a room?

No, no, no, that was the lady behind us.

Well, she was jealous. She was jealous
of this.

And don't forget that.

I've always been more powerful than
this.

I think of that. Really?

Because I've always been more of a that
girl myself.

No, maybe you were. Oh, that girl.

I like this whole taking it slow thing.
It's new and different. It's

frustrating, but even a good slow, don't
you think?

Oh, absolutely.

Slow is good.

I like it slow.

I also like it fast.

Alternating with slow.

Slow, fast, slow.

You are making it hard to go slow at
all. Yeah, well, if I made it easy to go

slow, that wouldn't look so good to me,
would it? Well, how about we not say

anything at all? Hmm, okay.

Oh, my God. It's 20 to 8. I have to get
to the meeting.

God, go, go, go. Go.

No, I mean, I'm secretary. I got to
change. I need to look more official.

right, then.

I know. I'll help you change.

How? Well, I could, uh...

I'm zipping you in all the hard -to
-reach places. No, no, no, no. Don't

any of my hard -to -reach places. I've
got to change.

Oh. Oh,

maybe I'll just change my... Why don't
you change your mind and be a little

less... No, no, no, because I'm
secretary. People are counting on me.

to go.

Okay, but that's a lot of pressure.

You need a little massage.

Well, this outfit's good, right? Maybe
I'll just run a comb through my hair.

Okay.

That's better yet.

Let me see your hair.

You know what? My hair's fine.

I mean, the important thing is that I
show up, right?

Absolutely.

Hi, Billy.

You all right? I thought something might
have happened to you. No, no, I'm fine.

Where is everybody?

Well, you know, you're half an hour
late. We couldn't get into the meeting

Everybody left.

Fucking L .A. traffic.

You live half a mile from here, Bill.
Yeah, well, fucking L .A. traffic. I

the only traffic jam you were in
involved you and Marcus. Oh, please. You

that is so like you. You always just
assume it's me and Marcus. Was it?

Yes.

But it might not have been. I mean, my
class might be just all messed up and I

left the house a little late because of
the whole daylight savings Y2K thing.

I'm not supposed to laugh at that.

Could you?

No.

You may think this whole I'm a fuck -up
thing is cute. It's not, okay? People

depended on you to get into this
meeting, and you let them down. I know.

I'm sorry.

Were there a lot of people here?

Only the people who really needed help.

Yeah, oh, God, okay. Look, I won't let
it happen again.

That make you feel better?

Doesn't cut it for me, Billy. Yeah,
okay, well, what am I supposed to say,

It doesn't matter what you say. It's
what you do, okay?

People depended on you, and you picked
Marcus over a meeting. Not on purpose.

Look, you made a choice.

Period. If you want to fuck up your own
sobriety, that's your business.

Don't fuck up all of ours.

Please.

Damn!

Man, my one -eyed grandmother can do
better than that.

If you make it $8 million a season, you
got to make that catch. That

motherfucker's wallet is weighing him
down. You want a drink?

Yeah, man, get me a beer or something.
You got anything imported in there?

Yeah, reported from Milwaukee.

That's far enough away from me, shit. If
you brood it in your bathtub, that's

far enough away from you. Yo.

Hey. Hey.

Oh,

you are one fine -looking woman, aren't
you?

Lenny, come on now. She knows she's
fine.

Yeah, I mean, I'm fine.

Okay, so this is Lenny. He works on the
music column down at the newspaper.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Yeah, you met her. Hey, good.

Um, can I talk to you for a minute in
private?

Not with me in the room, you can't.

Oh, you mean with me out of here?

Oh, okay, I'll tell you what. I'm gonna
go over here in the kitchen. Yeah. And

if you need me, just hit me on the hip,
okay? No need for that. All right.

So, what's up?

Um, you remember how bad I was when we
first met?

unwashed, strung out, stealing Dave's
money?

Nope, nope. Forgot all about it. Well,
you shouldn't.

I mean, I really shouldn't, because if I
do, I could just end up right back

where I started.

Why are you saying that? You, uh... You
trying to scare me?

I'm trying to scare me. I mean, look, I
totally fucked up being secretary

because I was with you, and I just can't
afford to keep fucking up anymore.

Some of them might have gone to that
meeting because they didn't want to

And then I didn't show up, so they went
to a bar. And next thing you know, their

car is wrapped around a fucking tree.
And that would have been all my fault.

Okay, I hear you. All right.

Well, then there's only one thing to do.

What, only one? I mean, how about one
and a half? I mean, if I think what

going to say, what I think you're going
to say... Billy, I'm talking about going

to a meeting with you.

What?

You'd do that for me?

Yeah, I'm going to be supportive, you
know, if you let me.

Let you?

Come on.

You know, I will get you the best seat
in the house. I mean, after all, I am

secretary. Well, hey, I'll be the other
secretary.

Hey, and you're on time.

I guess I know what that means, huh?
Well, I thought about what you said and

had a talk with Marcus. I know, it's
going to be hard for a while, but I

do think you did the right thing by
breaking it off with Marcus.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Oh, I have a thing for free coffee and
uncomfortable chairs.

No, no, we thought it would be good if I
came and saw what this was all about.

Isn't that great?

Is it ever.

Yeah. Could you excuse us for a second?
Yeah.

What are you, nothing?

What, did you just meet me? You can't
have Marcus come to these meetings. Why

not? Well, for one thing, he's not an
alcoholic.

Jeez, tell the whole world why don't
you. Look, people come to these meetings

that they can share in front of other
alcoholics, not in front of normies who

come here to gawk.

He's not gawking. He's supporting.

And no one has to know that he's not an
alcoholic.

Billy, this is a program of rigorous
honesty. You have to be prepared to tell

people that he does not have a drinking
problem.

Oh, well...

You know, maybe he thinks he has a
problem, and he's just not willing to

yet that he's not an alcoholic.

That is so stupid, okay? I'm telling
you, he does not belong here. Okay, look

who died and made you secretary. Last I
checked, I was the new sheriff in town,

and I say he stays.

You're drunk with power. That's your
problem.

You just bought yourself a clean -up
duty, mister.

Last I looked... I'm the new sheriff of
the town. Yeah, I'll show you where you

can shove your badge. You know, I hate
to take Billy's side on this, but why

you so upset about Marcus coming to this
meeting?

Because some people don't like to talk
about their disease in front of people

that don't have it. How do they know he
doesn't have it? They could find out.

How? It's not like you wear a big red A
around your neck or anything.

Well, I don't know. They could go to a
bar and see him drinking in moderation.

The point is that the program is for
alcoholics. It is not for outsiders, and

is not for Marcus.

Oh, what does that mean?

I mean, that's what this is about. Not
that it's an outsider, but that it's a

market. Oh, that is so far from
ridiculous that you need a new adjective

describe it. Oh, yeah? Are you going to
tell me that you don't have feelings for

Billy like that anymore?

We're not together, are we? When
somebody answers a question with a

you don't have an answer.

How about when someone answers a
question with a pink slip? That's the

question.

Are you ready for Beethoven's triple
concerto in C?

In C?

Are you ready to rock and roll? Or,
well, some classical fish?

Yeah. We're going to crescendo our butts
on over to the Hollywood Bowl. Okay, or

we could just take your car.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I've got something to show you.

Oh, paper!

Yay! Now, now, now, read it.

Glad you loved it, and go ahead.

I owe it all to you.

Okay.

The Saturday Night Addictions Anonymous
meeting in the heart of Hollywood is a

sanctuary for lost souls who would
otherwise be found at a bar.

Mark, are they going to print this?

They already did.

Something wrong?

I can't believe you wrote about a
meeting. I mean, I just, I took you

my date, not as a reporter.

But I am a reporter.

Okay, so every time we have a
conversation, it could end up in print?

No, no, baby, look.

We got some great press on the program
without breaking anyone's anonymity.

I thought you'd be happy.

Well, I'm not. I mean, I took you to
something private and you made it

I mean, I don't care if you change the
names. Everyone's still going to know

it's me and they're never going to trust
me again.

Billy, look, I wanted to be supportive
and I thought that was the best way to

it. Yeah, but why didn't you ask me
first?

I wanted to surprise you. Well, you
have.

Unpleasantly so.

Hey, you know what? Dave was right. I
never should have taken you to the

meeting.

Not a fucking display.

Hi, Dave.

Hey.

Or should I say Derek?

You could say Derek, but it's not a good
way to get my attention. It's not my

name. I know. It's what Marcus called
you in the article.

What article?

The one he wrote about you and Billy and
the program. You're obviously Derek.

What? He dropped out of medical school
to pursue a Ph .D. in alcoholism. If it

was liquid, he drank it. If it was
opportunity, he wasted it. And if it

he slept with it.

If somebody else was reading it, he
grabbed it. I don't believe this. He

about everybody.

Oh,

I can see. You're very upset.

Can you get a little more specific for
me?

Dave, glad you're here, man.

We need to talk.

Is it going to be off the record?

Um... All right, so you read the
article. Okay, I guess I fucked up.

haven't had an opportunity to read it
all yet, but that's okay, because I

opportunities, don't I? That's what I
wanted to talk to you about. I didn't

think everyone would take it so
personal.

Can't help it. I'm a person. Everyone
else in the program are persons, too, so

we kind of have to take it personally.

All right, okay.

Hold up, man. I didn't put anything in
the article that those people wouldn't

tell a room full of strangers. 30
strangers, not 30 ,000.

Please, man, our circulation is way more
than that. That's great, so more people

can laugh at the freeze. What is wrong
with you?

Next time, why don't you just bring a
camera crew?

Wait, I think I depicted the program in
a positive light.

How do you know someone won't read that
article, get inspired, and go to a

meeting? How do you know someone that
you wrote about won't read the article

drink over it?

Yeah,

all right, I said some shit about you,
but I also put down how great you're

doing now.

Yeah? How you turned your life around.
This is a success story.

You know I'm so fucking proud of you and
Billy and everyone I heard in that

meeting, huh?

Yeah. I mean, I wanted to be a part of
it, right about it. That's the point.

You're not a part of it.

Why do you got to barge in on
everything?

What? You know, I mean, I know I broke
up with Billy. I don't have a right to

say this.

That said, this was the one thing that
she and I had without you.

I liked it like that. Is it too much to
ask that I have one thing? One thing?

Fuck. I guess it is.

So I hear congratulations is in order.

What? Because I heard the editor say he
wants you to do a full series on the 12

-stepper groups. You joking?

No. Sounded like good news to me. What's
wrong?

My Dave is all pissed off at me for
this, man.

And Billy, she's not even calling me
back, all up behind this one article.

Oh, man, you see how those people are?

White people?

No, man, 12 -steppers.

They all hang out together, man. You say
something against one of them, look

out. I didn't say anything against any
of them. That's what I'm saying. Look. I

went out with this chick one time. The
whole time we were together, her sponsor

was telling her to get rid of my ass.
Lenny, her sponsor probably wasn't the

only one syncing up his big ass.

Look, man, my point is you're probably
better off without her, okay?

Want a word of peace? No.

I wouldn't be better off. I think me and
Billy had a good thing going on.

Look, man, there's a whole lot of women
out there who don't even care about what

you have to write about them. Like who?

The illiterate, for one.

So, since you and Billy aren't going out
together anymore, let's just say me and

you go out and get a couple of these
letters.

You see why other people might have told
your girl to dump your ass?

Lenny, why do you want me to get rid of
Billy?

What's in it for you, man?

Look, man, this way me and you can go
out a little bit more. We can hang,

go pick up on the ladies. Oh, order
pizza, get drunk, talk about the women

dumped us. All of that stuff. That's
what I'm talking about.

Yeah, come on, man. Why do I see that? I
don't know.

I'm not cutting. I'm with her. Look, I
am so glad you could meet me here

tonight. I mean, this is just what I
need to get my mind off the market.

Oh,

which Meg Ryan movie are we seeing
again?

The one where she's whimsical and
effervescent and has that pixie -ish

Yeah, well, that's a stretch.

No, it feels really good to be going out
with a girlfriend.

Yeah, I mean, which I rarely do due to
my lack of friends that are girls.

What I mean to be saying is I would much
rather be out with you, Marcus. Of

course. Why would you want to be with
him?

I can't think of a reason. In fact, I
have no idea why I went out with him at

all. Well, he's very handsome and
successful, which doesn't mean that he

write an article about you, which, by
the way, I liked.

But I respect your right to overreact.

Thanks.

So you think I overreact? No.

Did I say that? Well, yeah, you just
said you respect my right to overreact.

I do.

That means you think I overreacted. No,
it means I respect your right to

overreact.

Okay, let's just say by some chance that
I did overreact.

Would you also respect my right to
apologize?

Yes, definitely.

Apologies never hurt. Unless you hit
somebody while you're saying, I'm sorry,

which generally means that it was
insincere to begin with. What are you

to say?

Well, if you really want to know how I
feel... Yes, Haley, I do. This is what

I'm trying to get you to tell me. First
of all, I see why you don't have a lot

of friends. I can help you with that.

Secondly, I don't know why you and Dave
got so upset.

His intentions were good.

And a lot of people have written about
that program that had television shows

and movies.

Meg Ryan did one, in fact.

I love that one. The haircut, I mean.

Bedhead. Yeah.

Let me ask you this.

What do you think Meg Ryan would do if
she were in this situation?

I don't know, but whatever she did, she
would do it whimsically.

Listen, everybody.

I feel terrible about my job performance
as secretary.

But now I've got my priorities all
straight, and nothing is going to mess

up. I'd like to call a group conscience.

And, Dan, as secretary, I'd love to hear
all about that.

I move that we replace Billy as
secretary.

Meeting adjourned. Keep coming back. It
works if you work it. I second the

motion. No, Lou, you can't do that. I
just adjourned the meeting. You can't,

Billy. There's a motion on the floor.

This is because of Marcus's article,
right?

I didn't think the article was so bad.
Sure, because he called you a dark

-haired womanizer with a chiseled
profile.

Stan, that was obviously Dave.

Thank you for noticing.

What? I'm not chiseled?

Look, I fucked up, okay?

But I really feel like I can rise to the
occasion now. And if the occasion isn't

that high, what's the point of rising to
it? I mean, who wants to rise to a low

occasion?

But besides, I mean, if you guys vote me
out, how am I going to be able to make

it up to you?

All right.

All those in favor of giving Billy a
second chance, raise your hand.

All those opposed.

Danny, can you two hand?

Sorry, Billy.

Meeting adjourned.

Billy, Keith.

I'd like to announce that if I'm elected
secretary, I promise never to bring

anyone I'm dating to a meeting.

You have to get a date first.

Sorry, Billy, I really am. I know you
didn't mean to hurt anybody.

And, well, honestly, I'm sorry that I
was a prick about the whole thing.

Oh, okay, it's not your fault. I mean, I
did fuck up the whole post. Well,

you're not the first.

I'm not?

No, my God, of course not.

Come on, let's face it, we wouldn't be
here unless we, you know, had a tendency

to fuck things up.

So what?

So it didn't work out. The important
thing is, in the end, you really tried,

didn't you?

I'm very proud of you for that.

Thanks.

I bet I hold the record for the shortest
term as secretary.

No, that was Eric. Actually, he only
lasted five days.

Really? What did he do?

He died.

Hi.

Oh, well, I'm glad you're talking to me.

Well, I don't know if high counts of
talking. It is only one syllable.

Well, it's more syllables than you've
given me in the last couple of days.

Well, I have to say something.

I mean, I may be mad, but I am polite.

And that's the only reason I'm asking
you if you'd like to come in.

I'll take it. I'll take it.

You know, my editor liked the article so
much, she wants me to do a follow -up

piece.

Oh, well, good for you.

I just got voted out as secretary of my
meeting, so be sure to include that in

your next piece.

It's not going to be a next piece.

Why not?

I'm not going to do it.

You're more important to me than some
article.

Wow.

I'm usually not more important than
anything.

To anyone.

You better get used to it.

Because you are to me, and I'd like to
go on seeing you.

Well, I am visible and free on Saturday
nights now.

Come on, I thought we were going slow.

Oh, I'll go slow.