Original subtitles

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now it's just path to pay.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to stay.

I've got to relearn the basics that I never learned anyway. When will I find

someone who understands?

And when will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was thought of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening.

And I hope it won't always be there.

And I should have the right to defend myself.

You do understand that you're a juror, right?

Oh, so a juror doesn't have the right to defend themselves?

Normally, that's not necessary.

But I'm being removed.

And unfairly, I might add.

And I just want you to hear my story and be the judge. I mean, since, you know,

since you already are the judge.

But your removal is at the request of your fellow jurors.

Oh.

All of them? Yeah. I mean, even Bert?

I'm afraid so, yeah.

You're assholes.

I don't think they know what I'm about to tell you.

And what is that?

I do not take the word duty lightly.

Others may, others do. I know because I used to be one of those others.

And don't you miss it?

No.

I'm proud to be sitting in that box. It is an honor for me to serve my country.

Or state.

Or town.

I'm not really sure.

Miss Frank. Look, oh.

This is my opportunity to be a responsible part of society. I mean, I

suited up and showed up.

Well, sweatered, but I don't have a suit.

Mrs. Frank, I admire your passion and your attire.

Thanks. Me too.

So I'm willing to hear your explanation.

After which, I will give my decision my final decision.

And I will live with it.

Proceed.

Okay.

Well... Okay, let me just say right here, right now, I'm aware I didn't

conduct myself appropriately at all times.

Ah, yes.

Your first day with us.

Haunts me still.

The defendant was heading north on Main.

He was swerving and clearly not in control of his vehicle.

We pulled him over and instructed him to get out of the car.

He could barely stand.

Nonetheless, we followed procedure and asked him to walk a straight line.

He was unable to do so.

We informed the defendant that we would have to take him in for a breathalyzer

test.

He refused to take the test, stating, and I quote,

that the test was culturally biased.

I object.

On what grounds?

I have a small bladder.

What? Well, I had to go to the bathroom, and the bailiff had already told me

repeatedly that I wasn't allowed to go anymore, so I just, you know, tried to

distract myself with my ring. The problem is you distracted everyone else,

there were other things you could have put your attention on, like the

testimony. Hey, no one paid more attention to that testimony than me.

Look, just because I say that doesn't mean I'm not listening. I just happen to

have a sitting disorder.

A what?

Well, it's new, you know. It doesn't get the press the other disorders get, but

I'm a squirmer.

I've been plagued with it all my life.

A squirmer?

Do you also happen to have a hissing disorder?

Oh, that was not me.

Okay, but it wasn't a hiss. It was more like a sucking of the teeth, like this.

I left bar about midnight.

I had one, maybe two beers.

Right. I was not drunk.

I do not come from this country. I don't understand language.

I did not understand what the officers want from me.

This is why I failed the drunkenness test.

Please. Shh.

Quiet. Eat a mint.

Hey, who stays at a bar until midnight and only drinks two beers?

I mean, what were they, 48 ounces each? And did you hear that accent?

I mean, I bet his middle name is Heineken.

Uh, Miss, uh, Frank, you're going to have to give me a very good reason to

the request of your fellow jurors, who, by the way, refer to you as

dysfunctional. They said that?

That's just mean.

Yeah, well, I'm beginning to side with them. Why?

One very good reason. I want to go home.

Oh, okay, just wait. Let me explain something.

I'm an alcoholic.

And it's not an excuse. It's part of the explanation. See, I was really excited

to be selected for jury duty.

Hey, they picked me. I start jury duty tomorrow.

Really? Well, that's great. Yeah, it's exciting, isn't it?

Reminds me of my days of auditioning.

Only there's no callbacks and I didn't have to sleep with anyone.

And this time you got the part. Huh?

Listen, uh, Billy.

We're okay, you and me, right?

Okay with what?

You know, with me breaking up with you.

You mean with me breaking up with you. Because that's my story and I'm sticking

with it.

Okay. How did I take it? Oh, you were crushed.

I mean, you probably won't be dating anyone for weeks.

Maybe months.

Got crushed, huh? Oh, yeah.

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Well, I feel comfortable.

Yeah, I don't.

And there were two.

So?

So?

So, um... I know you and Dave are no longer, you know, you and Dave, and,

You okay?

Yeah. You know, he's taking it pretty hard.

Oh, yeah. He's, uh... He's... He's shook up.

Well, you know, each of us grieve in our own way. Some people cry. Some people

hit on women in front of their ex -girlfriend.

But believe you me, he won't be dating for weeks.

Well, I can understand that. I mean, it must be hard to date again after you've,

you know, had the best.

Yeah.

Are you talking about me?

Sure.

Well, can you say it a little louder so he can hear?

All I can say is the man's a fool.

He's been a fool as long as I know him. Yes, sir.

Twenty -five hours a day, seven days a week. He never takes a minute off. There

is no rest but a foolish.

That's why I had to dump him.

How hard is it to put a beard down on

a table, idiot?

Sorry. I didn't mean to... No, no, of course you didn't.

Go get a towel.

Excuse me.

Okay. I'm fucking soaked.

We'll pay for the dry cleaning in your suit. I'm sorry.

I can handle it. I know, I know. I know the guy. He works for Nancy. I know. Get

out of the way.

Is everything okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah, Marcus has it all under control.

Uh, Alex?

Marcus, um... Uh, Adams.

Now, Nancy's ex.

Yeah, I heard that's too bad, man.

Shake your hand, but I'm a little wet. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry about that.

man, this is dry.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna get all this cleaned up, and I'm

gonna get you a round of appetizers on the house. Thanks, man.

Don't forget some more beers.

I'll tell you what else I'll do. I'll get you a rain check on a round of

What's wrong with now?

I think you guys have had enough to drink.

Well, it's my fault that clumsy bitch still drinks on me?

Grace, give me a minute.

Hey, man, two things. One, watch your mouth in front of the lady. And two, I

think you had enough to drink. Hey, it's all right. I'm designated driver, so

beer's all right.

Gentlemen, I'm sorry. I can't do that.

I can't do that. Did you hear that, guys? I can't do that.

I'm standing here in a $700 Armani that reeks of beer, and you can't do that.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to get the waitress over here.

She's going to take your order for a nice big tray of appetizers, okay?

He heard I fucked his wife, so he's acting all bad now.

What'd you say? I was just telling the guys how you and me have the same

problem. We both got screwed by the same bitch.

I'm going to get you a check.

Come on.

Good handling.

Thanks.

What does that story got to do with jury duty?

It goes to my state of mind.

I picked up the legal lingo when I played an assistant DA in an episode of

Matlock.

That's where I recognize you from.

God, I love Andy Griffith.

Oh, who doesn't?

Anyway, the next night.

Yeah, robbing hours are nine to six.

Billy, it's me.

This better be important. Beauty sleep is not a myth.

Listen, I'm not here as a jealous ex -boyfriend.

Oh, all right.

Marcus here?

No, good night.

Billy, come here. Open the door.

Okay. I don't mean to sound like a fed -up, bitter ex -girlfriend, but I have a

bat. You're never going to believe what happened. The guy that Marcus punched is

pressing criminal charges.

What? Yeah, he is. And...

He's suing the restaurant.

Oh.

That looks official.

Yeah. They used the word pursuant. Yeah.

You know, I mean, I've been called a lot of things in my time. I've been called

jerk. I've been called asshole.

I've been called boozehead. I've never been called defendant.

Well, where's Marcus taking it? Well, that's the reason for my visit. I can't

find him. You know, I called his house. I called his cell phone. I called his

pager. Nothing.

Well, he's probably doing what most men do after they beat somebody up.

And that would be...

No, David, it's after midnight. The words are just coming out of my mouth. I

have no control over them.

You know, I'm glad that what happened between us didn't spoil us.

Our friendship.

I mean, you're the only person that I felt I could wake up in the middle of

night to vent to.

You need to make some more friends.

Yeah.

Dave, do you want me to help you try and find Marcus? Yeah.

Good night, Dave.

Good night.

But that was not the end of that.

That same night... Dave, if you knew you were coming back, you could have at

least left the door unlocked.

It's me. It's Marcus.

Hey, look, I know I shouldn't come over here at 3 in the morning. I'm drunk.

You shouldn't come over sober.

But see, that's the great shit about alcohol. You know what I mean? You

do stuff you wouldn't normally do. You know what I'm saying?

I'm familiar with that. See? I knew you would be. Huh?

That's why I'm here.

Hey, hey, would you like to dance with me?

Come on. Hey, my name's Mark. Not Dr.

Phil. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, oh, oh. Um, I think that me and my furniture will

sit this one out. Why don't you sit?

Okay.

Hey.

Hey, you believe that guy?

That Mr. Wifebucker?

I couldn't believe it. Oh, me either, man. And yet it happened.

Hey, and I popped that motherfucker too, didn't I? Oh, I couldn't believe that

either. Yeah, but it happened.

And yet it happened.

Yeah, it happened.

So, um, you want some coffee?

No, no. 3 a .m. in the morning? No, no, no.

No, I never fall asleep.

Don't talk to me about not falling asleep.

You know, Dave came by here before looking for you. What?

Well, why would I be here?

You're here now.

Why am I here?

That's a good question. Why are you here?

Would you like to know?

That's the question.

I thought, you know, where could I go to make everything okay?

I thought of you.

Everything.

Wow.

That's, um, that's a lot of pressure.

Oh, you ain't got to do it.

Don't be yourself.

That's the light thing around you.

You do?

Mm -hmm.

My work here is done.

And that's where we are.

Look, Miss Frank.

I appreciate the energy you've brought to the courtroom.

Although I must say it's probably more appropriate somewhere else.

Like your living room.

Hey, look, before you throw me out, just let me say one more thing.

I've been a screw -up most of my life. I've avoided responsibility at all

I used to keep a stack of parking tickets in the backseat of my car.

helping your case. But I've changed. Now I actually put money in the meter.

This is my effort at trying to fit in.

Come on, look, Judge Barrett, I mean, nobody wants to be on jury duty except

I'm trying to be a good citizen, and being a juror is my best job because I

never learned how to do my taxes. Okay, I don't want to hear any more.

I may have to have you arrested.

I'll allow you to return to deliberations, but one more complaint.

There won't be.

I promise. Girl Scouts honor. Cross my heart and hope to die.

You were a Girl Scout? For two weeks. The rest of the girls in the troop got

together and kicked me out. But the Boy Scouts were a lot more fun anyway. I got

a merit badge.

Never mind.

I should have just let him kick me off jury duty. Now I have to go back and

all those people.

Did Marcus tell you where he was going?

No, I told you when I woke up he was gone. He left no notes, no trail, no

map to his whereabouts. And in the post -midnight visit, did you happen to tell

him that I needed to talk to him? That I did do. Well, obviously you lacked

passion because I still haven't heard.

I mean, how can I go back there and act like nothing happened, knowing that they

all hate me?

You can consider it on its part. Well, that's exactly why I should go back.

Despite that, do you think they've won?

care. He just doesn't care.

You know what? I'm going to fight this thing on my own.

I will do my part to contribute to the justice system. I believe in you. It's

fucking problem.

I mean, it's my fucking problem.

Stand by that without believing.

Let him handle it the way I should have done in the first place.

I'll see you later. Good luck to you.

Hi.

Marcus, it's your pops.

Son, I want you to call that boy Dave at his restaurant right away.

He sounds nothing like that.

Hello, Nancy.

Hello, Dave.

Nancy.

The mess, huh?

Yeah, well, you know, nothing $10 ,000 and a little jail sentence won't fix.

I'm guessing he's not here.

I haven't seen him.

Look, I'm sorry, Dave. I don't know what to do.

Next time, could you date a guy who lives out of town and isn't such a

asshole?

Well, I already am, but don't tell.

Mark, I know, I know, I know. I should have gotten back to you. I'm sorry,

I've just been trying to set the rules, Matt. See how much alcohol it's about so

one man can puke up in the morning.

Listen, I'm going to go in the back and do something very unimportant and not

too loud.

know where to start.

Well, just tell me one thing.

Is it true?

Yes.

Marcus, it started six months ago. You were traveling... Hey, whoa. I said tell

me one thing because I heard enough shit. I don't want to hear any more.

just want you to understand why... I understand.

I understand. You cheated on me.

Are you going to let me talk? No. Why?

Because it's not going to make me feel better, and I'm damn sure not trying to

make you feel better.

Fine. Alec is willing to drop the criminal charges if you apologize.

Oh. Well, you're here on behalf of your boyfriend, huh?

Marcus, he is not my boyfriend, and the only reason I called him is to try to

help you out.

Oh, thank you for thinking of me.

So, uh, he'll drop the criminal charges in exchange for an apology that he

doesn't deserve, right?

And what about the ten grand?

He still wants that. Of course he does. Yes, yes, I can understand that. See,

man gets drunk, gets in your face and says, hey, you know what, I knocked the

boots with your wife. Yeah, he deserves something for his ass. You almost broke

his cheek. Well, then I must be losing my touch.

Are you going to take him up on it or not?

You know what?

Don't worry about what I'm going to do, okay?

That's the good thing about us being divorced.

You don't have to worry about me anymore.

You're absolutely right.

Marcus, I couldn't help but overhearing she said something about an apology. You

couldn't help but overhear, huh? Yeah, it's a venting system. It's kind of a

flaw where it takes a conversation, usually a private conversation, and

sucks it up so you can't help but overhear. Well, we've got to get that

Dave. Yeah, it's on the list. But until then, maybe you should think about just

saying you're sorry. Matt, look, even if I apologize, he's not going to drop the

civil suit. Here's the thing, okay? If, as part owner, you are not criminally

involved... then we're covered under our general liability policy.

So you're saying if I say I'm sorry, our insurance company's going to pay the

whole 10 grand? That's right.

But the 10 grand aside, I mean, do you really want a battery charge on your

record? This is bullshit, man!

If somebody gets in your face and says, hey, I fucked your wife, you should have

a constitutional right to knock that motherfucker out! Absolutely.

Until that amendment gets passed, you've got to play by a different set of

rules.

Why don't we start with a vote?

We've all had the evening to consider the evidence and perhaps we can all

Not guilty.

Guilty?

I'm sorry,

but it's the way I feel. The man didn't understand English.

He knew enough to say culturally biased.

I mean, that's a fancy schmancy phase even for me.

How come you're so sure that he was drunk that night?

Oh, come on. I mean, I'm sure the man gets drunk every night. I mean, look at

him. He's an alcoholic. He's got the puffy eyes and red nose and shaky hands.

Maybe he's allergic to something. Yeah, to jail. I mean, why do you think he

didn't take the breathalyzer?

Because he didn't know what one was?

No, I'll tell you why he didn't take it. He didn't take it for the same reason I

didn't take mine when I got a DUI. You got a DUI?

Yeah, who are you to judge?

Look, I'm an alcoholic, and at least I had a jury who had the guts to convict

so that I could get some help.

Emerald Bluff.

That's it. That's where I remember you from.

You played Diana Gateway.

Yeah, do you know that I was drunk the entire time I was on that show?

Didn't stop me from driving into work every day, sometimes without even

for the studio gates to open. Your point is?

If we let him go, he's gonna do the same thing again, okay? I know. I was him.

I mean, younger and certainly more attractive, but still, you're saying

should listen to you because you are a drunk?

Because I am a drunk.

You're drunk?

A recovering drunk, and I would like this guy to be recovering, too, and we

make that happen.

Diana is right.

My cousin was hit by a drunk skier and broke her arm.

But what if it had been a car on that slope?

I'm changing my vote.

And my brother was hit by a drunk driver.

Well, it was in a bar, and he was hit by a chair.

Come to think of it, my brother was drunk, too.

Anyway, I'm with Diana.

Oh, Bert,

I knew you wouldn't desert me.

Come on, Hazel.

Justice is knocking at your door. Won't you let him in?

He just parked outside.

You want to practice your apology?

You know, because he's tall and mentally unstable and walking towards us.

Very cool.

You sure?

Because, uh... Here he is.

I got your message.

So you're ready to beg for my forgiveness?

Absolutely. And, you know, if memory serves me correct, I owe you a couple

drinks on the house, though.

It is.

Now you're talking.

Look, man, I want to tell you something.

I'm not into violence, and I'm sorry I hit you.

Yeah, well, you're lucky you caught me by surprise.

Otherwise, I would have wiped the floor with you.

No doubt, yeah.

I see your question.

I mean, why'd you come in here that day?

What do you mean, why?

Me and my buddies wanted a few beers.

I got a black eye instead.

But you weren't surprised to see me, right?

What? I mean, you knew who I was when you came in here.

I don't know what you're talking about. Come on, man.

Be honest, man. You came in here, my little place, drunken and ruly, looking

an excuse to throw in my face that you slept with my wife. How many guys in my

spot wouldn't pop you?

This isn't sounding like much of an apology.

No, man, I'm saying you're a lawyer, right? I mean, you know how the game is

played. It almost looks like you did it on purpose to get that little 10 grand.

What do you got, a hidden camera?

A tape recorder?

You think I'm an idiot?

You got me all wrong, bro.

What I'm saying is I admire the hell out of anyone who can work the system like

that. In this world, you either take or you get taken.

Well, I can't say that I see things all that different.

Well, man, I would drink to that shit.

Matter of fact, a little bit more for the road.

And in the spirit of things, I'm going to let you keep our good shit.

I shouldn't do this.

Go ahead.

Just promise me you won't drink anymore until you get home.

All right?

Thanks, man.

You all right? All right. Peace.

I was good on the apology.

A little confused on the many -drink -ology.

Hold that thought. Hold that thought.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey, officer.

I'd like to report a drunk driver.

That's right.

He's going east on Mill Road just past Fairfax.

Uh -huh. He's weaving in and out, and I think I saw an open bottle lick on the

front seat.

No, I happen to have the license plate in my position, the license plate

Uh -huh.

I'll hold on.

Now you're my idol.

And I thought us Italians were good at revenge. No, you stole that from the

black people just like everything else.

Madam Foreman, has the jury reached its verdict?

Yes, Your Honor. I'll save.

We, the jury, find the defendant guilty.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to thank you for doing your civic duty.

Jury is dismissed.