All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s03e04 Relation slips

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now I just pat the bed.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
say, I've got to relearn to face it.

I'll never learn anyway. When will I
find someone who understands?

When will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was thought of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening.

And I hope it won't always be.

Relationships and sobriety.

My wife and I just celebrated our 21st
wedding anniversary.

Thank you.

You'd think one of us could have gotten
laid.

Needless to say, sex has not been the
same since I stopped drinking. It's

because I can remember it.

And yet, 21 years later, my wife and I
are still together, and I love her more

and more every day.

The amazing thing is, she has seen me at
my worst, and she still loves me.

I wouldn't be sitting here talking to
you today if it wasn't for my wife and

this new lover.

Anyone else want to share?

Anybody?

Oh, hell, I'll talk.

I'm Billy, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Billy.

Relationships and sobriety.

Well, I've only been sober 17 days, 15
hours, and 22 minutes. But who's

counting?

Oh, right, y 'all are.

In any case, I've had more experience
with relationships out of sobriety than

in.

Well, I almost had a sober relationship
once, except I started drinking.

Plus, you know, we were really lacking a
lot of the key elements you need to

keep the thing going, communication,
trust, commitment, all that shit.

But honestly, it just seemed like an
awful lot of work to keep fucking the

person over and over again.

But still.

I guess there must be something to this
relationship crap, because everyone

seems to want one, and maybe I do, too.

But how? What do I know? I mean, I've
only been sober 17 days, 15 hours, and

minutes.

My last gig kept me on my feet all
night.

The customers were so grabby, and the
management didn't take me seriously.

Because you were a stripper.

Well, who served drinks between lap
dances?

Well, if the city ever zones us for pole
dancing, you'll have the job.

Great. Thanks.

Sure.

Somewhere in this flock of silicone
-packed struggling actresses is your

waitress slash girlfriend. Oh, come on.
None of these women are my type. I'm

looking for something in a recovering
alcoholic former child star.

I already know how that story goes. Guy
meets girl.

Guy and girl date. Guy leaves girl
because her blood alcohol level is so

gives him vertigo. Guy never looks down.

Girl gets sober.

They reunite. They live happily ever
after.

Dave, let me ask you a question. Why do
you like me?

You're attractive.

You're funny. You have great breath. I
mean, if memory serves.

And is that what people are looking for
in a relationship? Look, humor, and

hits? Guy?

Both do, yeah.

Why are we having this conversation?
Because I've been thinking about it, you

know. And I just wonder, why does
anybody want to be with anybody? I mean,

do you want to be with me? LA is full of
other girls with, you know, looks,

humor, and tits who haven't thrown up on
you.

I got shoes I could prove you wrong.

Listen, I gotta go.

Come on, even so. I mean, you and I, we
have a lot of baggage.

So again, I ask you, why do you want to
have a relationship with me?

It's because...

I don't know.

Can I use my lifeline?

Cardiac surgeon can schedule the removal
of a man's heart within seconds, and

you people need a five -hour window to
install a phone jack?

No, no, no, no. No, cool. I'll be there.
Yeah, I'll be there. Right, right.

Dave, I got to get back to my crib, man.

Phone company. They claim they're going
to be there sometime between now and

Thursday. Hey, Marker.

Yeah.

Nappy. No, I'll call you back. I got a
lot of stuff going on right now. Okay.

Yeah. Right.

Dave, Dave. I can wait. Oh, okay.

Did you see that? I mean, he didn't even
say hi.

He nodded. No, he didn't even nod. He
gave me a finger.

Well, a finger is like a hi. No, no, no,
no, no. Okay, a finger is an IOU for a

hi. A hi I didn't get. I mean, I was one
digit away from this.

Uh... No, okay? Look, this sucks.

What? It's just...

It's so obvious. He hates me.

He doesn't hate you. He's a trifle
pissed off you served him with his

papers. Yeah, but it's my job. I'm a
process server. And a damn fine one.

Anyway, I mean, you'd think it'd be over
by now.

It was only nine days ago. Yeah, but I
don't care, okay? I mean, this isn't

about him. It's about me, too. And I'm
going to have to fix it.

Yeah, you see? The old Billy would have
ignored it until it festered into a big

old bottle of Jack Daniels. But the new
Billy... He's going to pick at it.

until it blows up into a problem that's
a hundred times bigger than it was in

the first place. Screw you.

Anytime, baby. You know where I am. I'm
right here. And take that with you.

Look, you pointed a finger at me, and I
didn't know if it was a, hey, I'm happy

to see you, you're number one finger, or
a go away, you process -serving bitch,

I hate you finger. It was a hold on a
minute, I'm on the phone finger.

Oh, okay then. Well, I mean, that makes
sense since you were on the phone. Look,

maybe I was a little cold.

It wasn't aimed at you, it was aimed at
everyone. I'm not having the best day of

my life right now, okay? Well, yes,
because I come bearing gifts.

Or, at least, bearing possessions that
you already own and left behind.

Sadly, I used it on the way over here,
and it ran out of juice.

But there were 45 minutes left.

Actually, 47.

You know, that's all right. It's cool.

Only one going to call me on that is my
wife, and I'm not trying to deal with

her right now anyway. See, your day's
getting better, Albert.

Wow, man, this is a great place.

I think it's important to have a nice
place to be depressed in. Ooh,

If the view doesn't make you feel
better, you can always jump.

I'm thinking of installing a diving
board right here. What do you think?

Come on, it can't be that bad.

It is that bad. I'm losing half of
everything I own.

At least you own something.

If I lost half of everything I own, I'd
break even.

Please, you didn't have a ten -year
relationship just go down the tubes,

I had a fifteen -year relationship with
booze that went down my throat.

And technically that is a two.

I'm not going to win this, am I?

Not unless your last statement is, I
almost became a whore.

I wrote a piece for the National
Enquirer once.

Does that count?

I was in the National Enquirer.

Oh, I give up.

You win.

You win. Hey, it really wasn't a fair
fight. I mean, it's impossible to out

-depress a whiny, self -obsessed
alcoholic Jew.

Hey, I tried.

Hey, while I wait for those nine phone
guys to show up, I was thinking I was

going to do a little work on my favorite
dresser.

Actually, it's a lot of work on the old
dresser.

A lot of work for one person. A lot of
work. To do.

Would you like some help?

That would be great, thank you. Okay.

I got this at a flea market in Paris.

I traded my Carmen gear and three packs
of cigarettes for it.

I had to walk all week and quit smoking.

But it was worth it.

Well, could have just gone to Ikea.

No, no, no.

What does that mean?

That means I like things that are hard
to find.

Oh.

Tito.

Make glue for you. Oh.

God, do people really do stuff with this
besides sniff it?

Mm.

Watch this.

Okay, what I'm going to do is I'm going
to hold these edges together.

Okay. Come on.

Down.

And you put the glue right there.
Squeeze it gently so it doesn't come out

at once. Okay, don't worry. I will be so
gentle.

Here? Uh -huh. Okay.

Perfecto.

Can I ask you a personal question? No.

Come on.

How did you know that Nancy was the
right person?

I mean, I know she ended up being the
wrong one, but when she wasn't the right

one, how did you know?

I didn't know.

Yeah.

But I knew that whatever happened, good
or bad, we were there for each other.

Hmm. Until now.

Would you get back together with her?

No, I mean, on the one hand, no.

But on the other hand, I haven't signed
a divorce papers yet.

I have a pen if that helps.

I think in my head that if I sign them,
it's officially over, you know.

A little game I play called denial.

Oh, yes. I am the queen of denial.

Although if anyone asks, I'll deny it.

Okay,

say I'm a customer.

I've sat down at a table in your
section, and you're going to take my

right? I'd like a beer.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir. That won't be
possible.

Excuse me?

I'm uncomfortable serving alcohol to an
alcoholic.

How do you know I'm an alcoholic?

When I first came in, you kept
repeating, one applicant at a time. That

mean anything. Well, and there's the 12
-step book on the counter.

Okay, well, your concern is touching,
but it's really not part of your job. I

think it is.

Steve, when a customer's happy, I'm
happy. When a customer's sad, I'm sad.

But when a customer is dead because
they've had too many drinks and plowed

car into a school bus, then I'm very
upset because we've lost a regular

customer.

How about a ginger ale?

I prefer coffee.

Oh, you want me to actually get it?

I can do that. This is fun.

Regular or decaf?

Regular.

Are you sure?

Caffeine can make you sick.

Oh, God!

Oh, my God, a couple inches to the left,
you would have killed off the whole

Pirelli line.

Yeah, in this case, swelling is not
good. Okay, maybe I'm not the most

waitress, but I'm experienced with
people. I'm kind, caring, attentive.

Your customers aren't going to remember
that.

They're going to remember how I treated
them.

That is what I'm afraid of.

Okay, thank you for coming in.

I was pulled.

And, you know, I just found this laying
around in the back of your closet.

I know you're thinking about taking it
because you're a girl, but I will be

wanting that shirt back.

I mean, I knew what pants I'd wear it
with and everything.

I have the cutest overalls. So do I. And
I like to wear it with this shirt. So,

Billy, what do you want to do next?

Next? You know...

I have no idea. That is the problem.
See, ever since I went to the meeting

morning, I've been thinking about it. Do
I want a relationship? Do I not want a

relationship? And if I do want a
relationship, how do I get it? And who

be with?

All I was saying was, do you want a fan
to work on the drawers?

Oh, um, drawers.

But those are good questions. I mean,
clearly you've been doing some soul

-searching, or you're getting high off
the glue.

Yeah, I like to use the glue.

Actually, it's my soul that's been doing
the searching, and 17 days ago it found

me. Well, that would explain the bright
look in your eye.

I think it's the glue.

Or fear.

It's really hard starting over.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I had all these plans. I wanted to start
a family.

I thought it was going to be with
Nathalie, but now who the hell knows.

So you want to have kids?

Yeah. What's yours?

I don't think I'd make it past the
credit check.

You're great with kids.

You were great with Dave.

Oh, yeah. I did a real bang -up job with
him.

Okay, what's next?

Now, wax.

Wax.

Anyway, I grew up with an alcoholic mom,
so I don't want to be one, too.

But you're sober now.

Yeah, and unmarried.

I could see my personal ad.

Single white female hanging by a thread
and ready for babies.

They'll be lining up around the block.

Well, I'd get in that line. I mean, if
they put your picture in it.

Yeah.

Meaning my life isn't so fucked up.

Really?

Really, you know, fun to be with you.

Helping me fix my stuff.

You look good in my sweater, which,
again, I'm going to reiterate, you

take, okay? Look, I'm not going to lie
to you. This sweater leaves with me.

Oh, you think so?

Oh, yeah. You're going to have to get it
off.

I'm going to get...

Get some turpentine. Yeah, and I'm going
to smoke, which you shouldn't do around

things that are flammable.

I learned that on the set of the A -Team
when I inadvertently set George's heart

on fire.

Yeah.

story short. I sat down, checked the
backseat for animals.

My mom's Camaro had this busted backseat
window and sometimes... Which part of

the story is short?

The short part is that my car wouldn't
start.

In the story or today?

Both. That's the funny part.

Listen, I know that I didn't make the
greatest impression in the interview.

On the contrary, you made an almost
permanent impression on my thigh.

That wasn't supposed to happen.

Today was going to be great.

I saw a dandelion pushing its way up
through the sidewalk, and I said to

Hayley, you can break through just like
that dandelion.

Yeah, well, pick another flower, because
a dandelion's a weed, and nobody loves

a weed, even though the dandelion gives
unselfishly.

What he really hopes for is that the bee
will come by once in a while, but no,

no, the bee's got baggage.

The bee doesn't even understand why the
weed wants to be in a relationship.

Gee.

You've got issues.

Who's the girl?

Nobody. Dave, you can't fool a P .I .T.

A tit?

A therapist in training. I'm getting my
master's in psychology.

I forget the technical term for it, but
you're fucked up.

Is the tow truck coming?

We're just talking.

I mean, it was just a guess. It doesn't
mean it's going to lead to anything.

Come on, who are you trying to fool with
this house? This is something.

You know what? I mean, we're both
adults.

I'm single, and he's really not single,
but he's not double. He's like one and a

half. It's not a big problem here.

Of course, I'm not really looking.

Well, not at that, anyway.

Damn, I should hit that. But no, no, no,
I can't. Come on. She's a friend. She's

Dave's friend.

No, but she didn't come over here to
glue stuff. She came over here to get

And I got plenty.

I can't. I can't. No, no. She's not a
good place right now.

Neither was that chick from Tulane. Huh?

The one at Mardi Gras? She wasn't right
in the head. Didn't stop me then.

But I'm not like that anymore.

Am I?

You know, I've been thinking.

Yeah. Hey, Kelly, me too. I just, I've
got things I've got to do. I hear you.

I'm fine.

I'm fine. You sure? Yeah. Okay. Okay.
And I'll return the shirt washed.

Hey, whatever, whatever. Just, uh.

Line dry?

Yeah, what do you think? I don't know
how to do laundry?

No. Well, who am I kidding? I mean,
there was a time I couldn't do laundry.

didn't even know what setting line dry
was. But now, don't worry. Hey, thank

for everything.

And sorry about the little finger. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, that shirt is so gone.

You know, I just, I left my...

You have to make a list of both the
positives and the negatives.

Can I have that screwdriver?

Let's start with the negatives.

Well, she's forgetful.

Like, for instance, she forgot that she
was an alcoholic and she squandered all

her money on booze and drugs.

Ah.

Positive? She's very honest. She always
told me when she was cheating on me.

What?

Well, remember, I'm still in training
and...

can't be held liable for the advice I'm
about to give, and no therapist can

actually tell you what to do.

That said, run.

I know it sounds bad, but she and I have
a connection, you know?

We're good friends, we have great sex,
we've been through a lot together, we

have a lot of history. I helped her get
sober.

Twice. Run, run, run!

Right.

You know, uh...

I've been analyzed by a lot of people,
mostly court -ordered.

None of them were as attractive as you.

Most of them were bald with glasses.

Men?

Not necessarily.

Well, any girl can see that you are
smart and handsome,

and you have good taste in waitresses,
somebody who will not only serve you

a smile, but knows her way through a
fuse box.

Impressive.

But, Haley, I can't hire you.

Why?

Because I would never ask an employee
out to dinner.

Having said that, I think it's fair that
you should know. You're on the rebound,

and you're only going out with me to get
this other girl out of your head. Nine

o 'clock, all right? Yeah.

Okay, you're all set.

Next time, put gas in your car.

He's kidding.

So, well, I don't have a job.

but I got somebody to pay for my dinner.

And I don't have a waitress, but I have
a tip.

Listen, why don't you come by a little
later?

We'll go over to the Espresso Cafe,
okay? They got great food, and I

hear they're looking for a waitress.

Today? Okay.

I'll bring my resume.

Scale from 1 to 10, how great?

Ouch, great.

Ouch, great.

What number is ouch?

There is the scale.

It's our phone guy.

Yeah.

All right.

You should go get that.

Okay. I'm coming.

I'm coming!

I'm coming!

I'm going to go freshen up.

Oh, Nancy.

Hello, Marcus. Hey.

I'm surprised to see you.

You never call me back.

No, I know. I'm sorry, but now is not a
good time. I think that we really need

to talk. Wait, baby. No, don't stop me.
This is hard enough as it is.

Look, I think that we might be making a
mistake, or I'm sorry, I mean that I

have made one, and I guess what I'm
trying to say is that... Marcus, I'm hit

my cigarette.

Well, like I said, now's not a really
good time.

I need to speak with my husband.

Yeah. Of course you do.

Billy, I'm sorry. No, I'm sorry. I mean,
really, I'm so sorry. No, I don't even

know what to say right now. Well, I do.

I... Why didn't I listen to him? I mean,
did I not hear the words coming out of

his mouth? I didn't. I made the first
paper because if I had, then it would be

over.

I mean, is this what I want? Fuck. some
guy and then get kicked out?

That's so good when I say it like that.

I'm going to pretend that I didn't even
see that. Hey, work for me. My God,

Marcus, it hasn't even been two weeks.

You were the one divorcing me, right?

Right? I know.

You know, I came here because I thought
maybe we could work things out.

Guess I'm too late. That's me.

What?

Nothing.

Hey.

Hey!

Um, dropped off Marcus' cell phone.

Let me guess. He was not mad in the
first place. Good guess.

Yeah. Nancy stopped by. Oh, that's
great. Yeah, maybe they'll get back

Oh, yeah, might be swell.

So, how's it going? It looks really good
in here. Oh, check this out.

I got a new stereo system.

Oh, and a new set of lights equipped
with a dimmer.

Should we dance?

Well, I think the question is, can we
dance? And when I say we, I mean you.

Come on. I can stand still and rock back
and forth with the best of them.

All right.

You all right?

I'm so good, so that's good.

Anything you want to talk about?

Not really.

I'm here.

You are?

I know we've had our rough patches, but
I'm not going anyplace.

I'm always going to be two floors down.

Oh, and that was on my foot.

You know, I'm sorry.

For what? For everything.

What happened to, um, guy meets girl,
girl rejects guy?

Girl likes his ending better?

Hi.

Hayley, hi.

Uh, Billy, this is Haley.

Haley is our new waitress.

Oh, congratulations.

Thanks.

I'm excited.

And surprised.

Can we start Monday?

Can I see you then?

Okay.

I'll keep my fingers crossed that you
made the right choice.

I did.