All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s03e02 If I Could See Me Now 2

It was a rude awakening,

the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening,

now I just pat the bed.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
stay.

I've got to read on the basic.

I'll never learn anyway. When will I
find someone who understands?

When will this life ever end?

It was a rude awakening.

It was the start of the longest day.

It was a rude awakening.

And I hope it won't always be this way.

Tamaguchi.

Coming.

Hi. How you doing?

I'd offer you a cup of coffee, but I
don't have electricity, so it would be

and you'd have to chew it because it
would still be in bean form.

How about some whiskey?

It's 9 .15 in the morning.

No, right?

This is your official notice of
eviction.

Oh, come on, isn't that a little
extreme?

Okay, look, I know I'm late with the
rent.

Two months.

Okay, a lot late with the rent, but...
I'll need a cashier's check in three

or you're out.

Fine, but I'm going to trash this place
before I leave.

You already did!

Well, how much can you get for a five
-year -old TV these days? Six bucks.

That's it? This is stupid.

No, it isn't. Fifty bucks gets us a gram
of blow, which gives us the boost we

need so we can figure out a way to get
money to pay your rent. Fine, but I hope

you're pawning your TV, too. No, forget
it. I've won mine in the great boot rush

of 97.

Sweet. You know what? If you were so
smart, you would have opened the door

before we slapped the unwieldy TV across
the room.

Madeline. You were so smart, you would
have slept with your landlord so we

wouldn't have to be doing this in the
first place.

That's how I look. I've gone from...

Being on TV to pawning it. Ouch.

That's tragic.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Oh, oh, hey. Oh,
come on. What should I do?

Oh, let me guess. Just press a button.
I'm trying.

How? Telekinetically?

Don't leave.

This isn't what it looks like. I've
heard you say that before. The TV's

swear. Yeah, I'd offer to help you, but
I probably shouldn't get my prints on

it. No, come on, it's broken.

I'm taking to get it fixed.

Now, how do you know it's broken when
you can't turn it on because you don't

have electricity?

Solar. Oh, yeah, I know how heavy those
solar models can be.

You wouldn't buy the TV without the
remote.

Oh, so you're selling it. Yeah, why? You
want to buy it?

No, I already have one. Thank you. Don't
I?

You don't know if you have a TV.

God, I thought we were fucked.

My name is Marcus. We haven't met yet.

Oh, you're the one that caught Billy
stealing.

He is cute.

Uh, yeah, and not damn cute.

I get any phone call?

No, she didn't call.

Letters? Nancy didn't write, she didn't
fax.

Smoke signal, carrier pigeon, any damn
thing.

I did notice some birch on your car, but
there wasn't a note attached to it. Oh,

thanks for looking.

Come on, she'll call you.

I did make lunch.

Yeah, I know.

By the way, I saw your girl downstairs.

First of all, she's not my girl.

Second of all, how'd she look? She look
all right?

She looked in good shape. She was
hauling some big -ass TV with a friend

hers. Maureen?

Blonde chick, sounds like Rocky.

That's her, Maureen.

That girl's like Satan with tits.

What do you think the coke is all you
get for a solar -powered TV?

Which one's mine?

That tiny one. Come on, that teeny fat
one. Look how thick that is. Besides,

it's my TV.

Which I helped you carry. They're not
even.

Yes, they are.

No, they're not.

Go get a ruler. No, you go get one.
There's one in the kitchen. Go get it.

Okay.

I'm not going to go get a ruler and
leave you with the coke. You get the

I'll stay here. Oh, fuck it. Here.

Thank you.

It's true what they say. Everything does
go better with coke.

Yeah.

Except an eviction notice.

Oh.

What happened to that enchanted cocaine
that used to make all my problems go

away? Oh, well, that magic shit comes
from Bolivia, darling. This is from

Tarzana. Yeah.

Double dance.

You know what I need to do? I know what
I need to do. I need to get back into

acting.

That is what I need to do, right?

That's right.

Of course, it would take too long to get
on a new show, so what I really should

do is get on a show that's already on,
right? Of course, they already have all

the actors that they need, but, you
know.

Oh, oh, it's so obvious.

I have to kill a TV star.

Yeah. Oh, you know, well, preferably
somebody small and fragile like, uh, uh,

uh, Courtney Cox.

Huh? Huh?

If you make that call, it's going to
cost you. Oh, shit.

That might be where I started. Needing
money and I don't have anything else

to sell.

Yes, you do.

Yeah?

Well, yeah, what?

What do I have? A bust of Kennedy, a
bunch of weird paintings, or, you know,

what, 17 porcelain hands? I don't even
know why I bought any of this crap.

Oh, look, Billy, the thing I was talking
about you selling is you.

How? On eBay?

Huh?

What, you're joking, right?

No. Look, I've done it a couple of
times. It's no big deal.

Yeah?

Yeah, well, you know what? Maybe not to
you, but it would be to me. Uh, just a

thought, but it makes more sense than
killing Courtney Cox.

It's just me.

Well, you know what? Unless you want to
drink rubbing alcohol, we're officially

out of booze. Man, I could use a drink.

Me too.

You know, the weird thing is I've been
drinking all day and I still don't feel

drunk.

That's because we've been drinking the
cheap stuff. Look, we need to go

someplace where we can get in top shelf
brain cell killing alcohol.

Oh, I like the way you think.

Good. Let's go to the bar.

In an hour, we won't be thinking at all.
Okay, let's go.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What are we going to buy our drinks
with? Our good looks?

Exactly.

I'm on a roll. Ten to one. Hey, no,
homie.

One is not a roll.

Zero for 20 minutes.

All right.

That's okay.

No, homie.

Got to admit that.

Kicking my ass is taking your mind off
your wife. My mind was not on my wife.

She brought it up just now. Thank you.
Sorry.

Jack.

Jack.

Jack.

You know why I messed up?

I should have never stormed out. That
was stupid. I just hate fighting.

Storming out was the right thing to do,
man. It's a very good strategy because

now she has to come to you. You know,
the ball's in her court.

She's not coming to me, Dave.

Well, then, clearly both your balls are
in her court.

You know, your cheering up skill is
about as good as your game, yo. My game

sucks. I still know what to do. A woman
that doesn't need me, that's my problem.

It's better than a woman that needs you
too much.

Unless it's her.

Don't make her move.

No.

She's not my type.

She's breathing.

So is her boyfriend.

Yeah, I said hi to her once, and he
threatened to choke me with my own

Ah, way to kick his ass, Dave. Well, I
used to throw punches when I was...

You remember the guy that I decked at
your wedding?

Yeah, that was Nancy's dad.

He accused me of stealing a case of
champagne.

Well, you were loading it in your car,
Dave.

I know. I didn't appreciate his tone.

Okay, come on.

Rematch. First to 11.

You spot me 10.

I spot you 10.

You and me tomorrow, racquetball.

Dude, you play racquetball like you play
b -ball.

I ain't got to bring a racquet.

And if you told jokes like you play b
-ball... Fuck it.

How do I look?

For our guy, I'd buy you drinks till you
puke, and I'd fuck your brains out.

What a lovely sentiment.

Oh, Dave.

Hey, Marcus.

Hey. Hi.

If it isn't Crockett.

All sweaty from solving crimes.

Hi, Maureen.

Why are you ladies going all dressed up?
Well, we're busy celebrating Billy's

recent eviction.

I mean, conviction.

Oh, that sounds better.

You really got evicted?

Yeah. Look, you know, we'd invite you to
the eviction party, but it's BYON.

Bring your own notice. Why didn't you
tell me?

Well, I don't need to tell you. I
already have the lecture memorized.

The hotline you can call if you need
legal advice.

Thanks. Of course, I don't have a phone.

Is there a hot one for that?

On that note, party.

Come on, man.

Hey, look, there's nothing I can do.

I didn't say anything.

You gave me a look as if to say I should
do something.

I didn't even look at you.

I know what not looking at me means.

Truth? Not a truth.

She's in a bad spot.

You know you could help her if you
wanted to.

Want to?

Man, but giving her money is not going
to solve her problem. It might stop

something that can get her in real
trouble.

Desperate people do desperate shit. You
know what the real problem is? That she

doesn't realize how desperate her
situation is. And until that happens, I

help her. The program says you have to
give people the dignity to fail. You saw

her, man. She just got evicted. She's on
her way to a party. What?

What, you can only help your friends
when they see things the way you want

to? Seeing things that way saved my
life. You know, you can't help somebody

that's not asking for help.

Dave, I helped you a bunch of times,
man. No, you didn't. No, you didn't. You

tried to, and it didn't work.

Nothing worked until people stopped
trying to help me. You understand?

For me to hit bottom, I had to lose my
friends, my family. Dave, you still had

your life.

What if something really bad happened to
her, something you could have stopped?

Could you live with that? You know what
I think? I think that you're focusing on

Billy because it's too hard to think
about your own fucked -up life.

Having a bad night?

Yeah, what with the eviction and all.

Could be worse.

You could have cancer.

Yeah, you're right. I hadn't even
considered that sunny possibility.

Well, you should.

I lost a nut to it.

Maureen!

Smile and wave to that old geezer at the
end of the bar.

And I'm doing that because... Could be
flashing a lot of Ben Franklin.

Hell, he probably knew Ben Franklin.

From the gentleman at the end of the
bar.

Hey, isn't that sweet?

I told you he's a big spender. Pay for
it with a senior citizen's discount.

See how I take Perry?

Doesn't that take the edge off?

A sandblaster couldn't take the edge
off.

It's not working. I'm not even getting
drunk.

Try mine.

Are you even listening to me? I'm
catching every third word. Blah, blah,

You're upset.

I get it. Blah, blah, blah. Fuck you.

Can I ask you ladies to watch your
language, please?

Yeah, if you can give me a drink with
some booze in it. What is it, five

I think I see somebody I know.

Don't go anywhere.

Yeah, any place I'm going is down.

Hey.

Listen, how's that line, man?

And? Sorry.

And?

Don't push it.

Apology accepted.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, go ahead.

Why'd you stop trying to help me?

I mean, I know I wrecked your car, but I
wrecked so many other things.

Dave, it wasn't about the car.

After the accident, you ended up in the
hospital.

It was weird, because on one hand, I was
pissed off. On the other hand, I was

relieved.

Relieved? Yeah, because I thought that
would make you stop drinking.

When you got out of the hospital, first
place you went was to a bar.

I thought, this man is going to kill
himself.

I can't stand around and watch.

But that's exactly how I feel about
Billy.

I don't know what the fuck to do. I
don't have the answers.

So I did it.

What do they tell you to do in that
program of yours when you don't know

the fuck to do?

Pray.

I know it sounds stupid, but... No, no.
Cool. Let's, uh... Let's do that.

Cool.

Is this a silent thing or should I stay
for a minute? It's a quiet thing.

What are you doing now?

I'm gonna go pay her rent.

How do I know you're not a cop?

If I were a cop, would I be worried if
you were a cop?

I was a cop.

Would I have a coat?

Good point.

Good coat?

So let me frisk you anyway.

No one frisks for free.

So I heard you're looking for two.

Okay.

How much?

One. For both?

Each. Six.

Seven. Sold.

You know, your friend looks a little
bummed out.

You sure she's going to be up for it?
The only one that has to worry about

up for it is you.

Don't worry about her.

She'll be fine.

Good news.

I found it.

Well, enough to last me until the day I
die.

Only if you die tonight.

Look, my friend over there has the coke
and he's invited us to his room to

party.

Any friend of yours with coke is a
friend of mine.

Who wants to blow?

What do I do?

What about you, honey?

Sure. Thanks.

Billy. What?

You might want to go to the ladies' room
and freshen up because there's blood.

Oh, my God.

She gonna be okay?

Yeah, sure.

Who wants blow?

I do, I do.

Uh -uh.

Oh, sorry. I'll give you guys some
private... No, no, don't be shy. Hop on

Uh... No, thanks. You know what they
say, three's a crowd.

Now, three's 700 bucks.

And the Coke.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Would you excuse us a minute? I'll be
right back.

Well, don't do anything in there. I'd
enjoy watching.

What the fuck is going on?

Okay, here's the deal. That guy gave us
$700 to snort Coke and have sex with

him. Isn't that great? No, that's
prostitution.

What? You'd rather do it for free?

Yes, I would.

Okay, but not right now and not with
him. And how the fuck could you do this

me? Will you keep it down? I don't care.

You tricked me. You brought me here for
this shit. I can't believe it.

What's the big deal? We have sex with
strangers anyway. We might as well get

paid for it. Oh, that is not the fucking
point. You lied to me.

What did you want me to do? Tell you?
You wouldn't come up here. It's because

I'm not a fucking hooker.

Neither am I. Just because I do this
once in a while doesn't make me a

Oh, yeah? What does it make you,
Maureen?

It makes me your fucking savior. Here's
your rent money.

How could you let things get this bad?
You're two steps away from prostituting

yourself for coke. No.

That's for rent. Oh, please, Billy. You
know what? Even I don't buy that. You

know it's going to go right up your nose
and down your throat.

Billy, you've lost your way. And if you
don't stop all this, you're going to end

up losing yourself.

What's her problem?

She's just shy. She'll be out.

Oh, it better be soon.

This little blue pill only lasts two
hours.

See, I told you.

I can't. What?

Doctor, it's you then.

Hunter. 350.

Two.

What the hell?

Can I please use your phone?

You got 35 cents?

No, I'm waiting on a check from the
phone company.

I'll expect you to sign it over to me
when it comes in.

Hi.

I'm downtown and I need to find a
meeting.

I'm at... Fifteen Grand.

Fifteen Grand.

Pope Street. I don't know where that is.

Just give me a minute.

I'll give you a ride.

Sorry, someone else is talking.

Oh, please, this is important.

I know.

That's why I'm offering to take you to a
meeting.

I'm in the program.

Really? Yeah.

Just give me a couple minutes to find
someone to cover for me.

Thanks anyway.

Hi.

My name is Eric, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Eric.

Any other alcoholics present?

Come to the right place.

I just want to say how grateful I am to
be sober.

It's a gift.

But I find the only way for me to keep
it is by giving it away.

And it's a real honor for me to be
speaking here tonight because I used to

on this street, literally, in a box.

Not even a nice one.

But I always tell myself, you know, I'm
not homeless. I'm a rebel.

Rebel without a house.

And it's just really nice to have...
Thanks

for

picking me up.

No problem.

Dave would have come too, but he left
for a meeting before you called.

What? I've let Dave down so many times.
How can I face him again?

I don't know. He's going to understand.

He's done some fucked up things in his
life.

Yeah. I know I'm one of them.

No, you're not one of them.

Can I stay here tonight?

I don't want to drink.

I'm afraid if I'm by myself, I will.