All language subtitles for Rude Awakening s02e10 Trude Awakening

It was a rude awakening.

It started so long ago.

It was a rude awakening.

And now I've got to pay.

No matter where I go, somebody's got to
see. I've got to see the basics. I don't

know any way.

Where will I find someone to understand?

And where will this ride ever let me
land?

Isn't knitting better than smoking?

Yeah, the best part is how cool it makes
you look.

All the popular kids at school used to
sneak to the bathroom to knit.

Well, knit one, purl two, step four.

The inventory step, which requires a
ruthless self -examination.

But I felt my tits earlier.

No new lumps.

Snappy pickup line.

Hey, boys, I'm busty and cancer -free.

Ooh, busty.

Admit it, Clark.

I could turn you.

The tornado couldn't turn me.

The tornado couldn't blow you like I
could.

Okay. Later, we're going to have a
discussion about boundaries.

But first, step four.

Let's roll our sleeves up and look for
your sensitive spots and delve right in.

I bet you say that to all the boys.

Billy, I'm sorry. serious. Clark, so am
I.

Once you finish this inventory, then you
won't feel the need to mock others. I

won't? Then I don't want to do it.

You have to do it.

Now let's make a list of all the people
you resent.

Okay, fine. Let's start with you because
you're making me do this. And then

everybody else who is doing even the
teeniest bit better than me.

It's going to be a long list.

Okay, let's just start with the top five
people you resent.

Okay, we could do the top ten. They're
all my mom.

I know the name of that tune.

It's a little song I like to call Mommy
Put the Plunger Away.

You're not going to sing, are you?

Not after the plunger incident.

Back to you.

And you have to come up with every
horrible, demeaning experience that your

mother ever put you through and then
write it down.

Okay. I'll see you next year.

I'm sorry if I've been going on for a
while.

But, you know, I've been up all night
remembering and not smoking.

By the way, guess who started me smoking
at age 12?

Your mother.

Yes, she did. She told me it would help
me lose weight. But it didn't.

It just made me fat and wheezy.

And then on my eighth birthday, she
invited my friends to watch her weigh

And then she suggested that we play pin
the tail on my fat ass.

Could have been worse. You could have
been the piñata.

Oh, shut up, Stan.

And just last week, at the dinner table,
my mother compared me to a radish.

She said, darling, you're nothing but a
small bit of decoration that only the

desperate would eat. And then she got
insulting.

Well, at least your mother lets you sit
at the table.

I had to eat out of the dog bowl.

Well, at least you had a dog bowl. I had
to eat my food off the floor. At least

you had food. I had to survive on what I
caught in the cellar. At least you had

a cellar. I was chained to a stake in
the backyard.

Hello?

Enough about your petty problems.

This is my mother I'm talking about.
This is my time.

It's my time to shine.

At least you have a mother.

Mine's dead.

Shit!

Here's a picture of me dancing on her
grave.

Season's greeting from Clark.

Oh, that's lovely.

Well, if you want to know what my mother
looks like, picture a withered, drunken

whore who never loved me because, you
know, she was too busy whoring and

drinking and withering.

Oh, sorry, people.

Time's up.

Gastration support group wants in. They
just don't have the balls to say so.

Hey, Ben.

Dave. Listen, man.

I got to make amends to all the people
that I wronged when I was drinking. And,

well, you were one of them, buddy.

So, listen, I'm really sorry, but at
your wedding, you know, your bride had

that champagne.

And, you know, we always had that sort
of unspoken thing.

Yeah, she went down on me at the head
table.

Yeah. It's pretty ironic, isn't it, the
head table?

Hey, so, just sending my regards, giving
my best. And I guess I did that

already.

Ben.

I said I was sorry.

Well, you shouldn't make amends to
people if you think it'll hurt them.

Great. Good. That takes care of half of
my list.

You look like shit. Oh, who are you, my
mother?

Oh, step four?

Yes. And I hate everybody.

I wish I could knit myself a new life.

When did you take up knitting?

When I quit smoking.

You quit smoking on step four? Yes.
What, are you insane? Yes.

Mother. Oh, have I got dirt for you.
Billy Frank just told everyone that her

mother's a withered, drunken whore. How
scandalous. What else did she say?

Lower, darling.

Hello? Trudy?

Vivian. My daughter just called from her
Addictions Anonymous meeting, and

apparently your daughter is telling
everybody that you're a withered,

whore.

Withered? And that you're a terrible
mother.

We're not?

That's you.

Hello, only the first minute's free, so
make it snappy.

Vivian Duck told me that Joan told her
that you told everyone that I am a

drunken whore.

Fine, I'll go apologize to all the
drunks and whores that I've insulted by

comparing them to you. Don't you dare.

And luckily, most of them are here
already, especially Joan. Well, if it

for Joan's big mouth and Vivian's bigger
one, sorry, Viv, I wouldn't have known

that I was being falsely maligned.

Oh, falsely? Gotta run, Trudy. I've got
calls to make.

Get up, you idiot.

No, never mind.

I feel so violated and not in a good
way. Right now, Vivian is calling all of

friends to tell them I am a bad mother.

You are, okay? I was up all night
writing down every terrible thing you

me. Well, I was up all night trying to
get your father up. Don't complain to

I wasn't. I was complaining at my
meeting to my friends, okay? Just like

complain about me to your friends when
I'm not there.

I do not. If you're not there, I forget
all about you.

Well, good. Then you'll be able to
forget about this conversation.

No, I won't do that because...

I'm coming down there right now to tell
my side of the story.

You can't do that. I mean, this is my
place. This is where I come to tell my

problems. Well, you'll have a lot to
talk about, won't you? Because I am

to be there. And remember, Vengeance is
my middle name.

It is not. It's Penelope.

Well, I am changing it to Vengeance. To
Antony, we'll have to re -embroider the

towels, but it's worth it.

What? I am going to get that Joan back.

What would you say is the hardest thing
to get out of leather?

Besides a drummer's sweaty cock?

Um, yeah.

Besides that. Well, all images have been
driven out of my mind.

Well, I was thinking coffee.

Or, uh, raspberry jam.

I was thinking of Tommy Lee. I don't
want to.

Yes, well, Sarah Lee will have to do it.

Hi, Joan.

Hi. You know, you got something on your
jacket. Oh, where?

Uh, there.

There you go, baby.

Hey, Milk. Yo.

Remember that hairdresser who caught me
in bed with her sisters? Mm -hmm. Well,

I took her out to dinner, and I made
amends. Yeah, what happened? Oh, she was

great about it. I mean, she even gave me
a free haircut, you know, like for old

time's sake.

What do you think?

I think you need a hat or a boyfriend.

Hey, Dave, do you know this has fag on
the back of your head?

Yes.

Obviously, to supplement my income, I'm
renting the back of my head to a British

tobacco company.

Hey, can I get in on that?

What are you, an idiot?

At least he doesn't have fag on the back
of his head.

Damn.

Man, this immense thing is tough.

Well, at least you live close to the
people you hurt.

Most of mine are in Vietnam, eight time
zones away, nine when I was unofficially

shooting civilians in Laos.

Why do anything be able to apologize to
those people?

Earn most of them dead?

You see my dilemma?

Yeah.

So, who's left?

What did you do to this poor guy?

Mr. Trania used to shoplift liquor out
of his store.

You know, only because they didn't have
enough money to buy it. Oh, well, I

guess that makes it okay then.

Yeah, I want to apologize to him. But,
you know, what if he doesn't take it

well? Man, it's not about him. It's
about you and your sobriety. You got to

the amends, face the consequences.

Usually... Most people are forgiving.

Usually. Hey, one time a guy even gave
me a card.

Wow.

No, no, but this guy's got a wicked
temper. He even keeps a gun under the

counter. Are you going to let a little
gun come between you and your sobriety?

Yes. What is the point of being sober if
you're dead?

Okay, I'll go with you.

As long as you wear a hat. And if you
get shot, I know ten ways to start your

wound with a water -chewing gun.

Oh, good, so I'll be riddled with
bullets and chiclets.

Actually, in Nam, four out of five
soldiers recommend trident.

Is there anyone else who wants to share?

I do.

Mom? Call me vengeance.

Hello, everyone.

Oh, no, no, don't say hello to her.

What should we say to her? Goodbye,
goodbye, nice lady, good luck. I'm

and I'm an alcoholic.

You know she isn't? Well, I mean,
actually she is, but, you know, she'd

admit it. I just did.

And that's the first step. Bravo.

Don't slap her.

Julie will not be very supportive.

No, please don't chide my daughter. It's
not her fault.

That's your mother?

Ladies and gentlemen, in this room,
you've heard many things about me.

Scandalous things.

Perhaps things involving young men and
rubber tubing.

Perhaps not.

No, don't listen to her. Anyone can
speak if they have 24 consecutive hours

sobriety.

Consecutive? She doesn't even have 24
cumulative hours of sobriety. Oh, I

that my beloved daughter, Billy, doesn't
want me here. Perhaps I should leave.

Yes, you should. You should leave. Go.

Just go. There's the door. Look, you
don't understand.

This is my mother.

The one that compared me to a radish?

No, ladies and gentlemen. Darling, I
called you ravishing.

Oh, liar, liar, pants on fire. God, I
need a cigarette.

Oh, dear, is this the kind of support
one gets here?

Billy,

I know you and your mother have issues,
but in this program, she's a newcomer.

That means that she's the baby.

I'll say, when she's still on the
bottle.

God knows I've tried to be a good
mother, and still I failed.

No one is more aware of that than I.

I am.

It wasn't easy raising an overly
emotional, chubby child with a learning

disability.

So I was hooked on other things besides
phonics. Oh, darling.

Oh, very good. That's a very big word
for you. So confusing with P and H in

Yes, I know another word that has a P
and an H in it. Fuck!

You! You see? You see what I've had to
put up with? I mean, she's been a

since she was a child. She began smoking
when she was 12 years old. When I think

of the times I spent waiting up for her,
fretting, is it any wonder that I

turned to the bottle for comfort?

Oh, turn to? You drank like a fish the
whole time you were pregnant with me.

When the doctor slapped my bottom, I
burped.

That guy deserved to have his liquor
boosted.

He was an asshole.

I knew this would happen. You? No, no,
you told me I was going to get a free

car, okay? I'm in jail, man. It's a long
way to go from a free car to jail.

Not in my own neighborhood. Well, what
am I supposed to do now? What am I

supposed to do? Well, I don't know. Look
on the bright side.

What bright side?

Well, at least you didn't get shot.

Gum?

Mom, look, you've got to stop coming to
my meetings.

I mean, can't you just humiliate me
someplace else? Oh, darling, it's so

more fun to do it in front of your
friends.

Mother, look, I am in Addictions
Anonymous for real.

It's not a hobby. It's not a place to
pick up guys most of the time. I mean,

struggling with sobriety.

I mean, you've never even met sobriety.

Like, here's sobriety and here's you.
Ooh, what's that teen? He's back way off

in the distance.

Oh, it's Trudy.

You're upset, darling. Would you like a
frozen Prozac on a stick?

Or as I like to call it, Frozac.

For those hot afternoons when you're
really depressed.

Look, I just came to tell you that you
won, as usual.

Yeah, I mean, everyone thinks I'm a
pathetic dyslexic dwarf.

So, can we just please call it quits?
Certainly, if you promise never to talk

ill of me at your meetings again.

Oh, I can't promise that. I mean, I
could, but I would be lying.

Well, unfortunately, darling, you are
not as good a liar as I am. One of the

endless series of disappointments upon
which I will expound at our next

No. No, no. No more meetings. No more
expounding. I'm going to tell my sponsor

on you, and he'll get you kicked out.

I don't think so. Let's ask him. Oh,
God!

I don't understand how to hang these
curtains.

Oh, don't you want to? How?

All sponsors.

Oh, hey, Billy.

You're her sponsor?

Mm -hmm.

Yeah, I've never had a mother -daughter
combo before.

I feel so naughty.

Well, betrayal would do that to you.

Well, Billy, where are you going? To
miss a noose.

Clark, please stop sponsoring my mother.

There must be something in that fucking
book that says you cannot sponsor a

sponsee who started your other sponsee
drinking.

I don't like to point this out, but you
are babbling. What do you mean I'm

babbling? I'm not babbling. I mean, I'm
on step four. I quit smoking. I'm

spending all my money on yarn, and I'm a
chain knitter. Do you really think I'm

babbling? What you need to knit is a
blanket of forgiveness for your mother.

There's not enough yarn in the world.

Don't you see? If I help her, that only
helps you. And by helping the two of

you, I help myself. We'll be one big
happy family, just like I always wanted.

Don't get your hopes up. Hello, darling.

Hello, Mother.

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking
to Clark.

So handsome.

You get more like me every day.

I love you.

I mean, how are you?

She's evil, but only I can see it.

Don't listen to her. She's always been a
bit paranoid.

I'm not paranoid.

You're turning him against me. You're
turning them all against me. You know I

have done everything for her all her
life.

But it obviously wasn't enough.

Oh, please, even her tears are void of
proof.

Oh, thank you. You see how much I need
your support and your wonderful 12 -step

program. Oh, come on. The only time you
ever care about 12 steps is when a

police officer tells you to walk a
straight line.

Perhaps I am guilty of loving, of
living, of, well, a DUI or two.

But what does that make me? A drunk
without a license.

But aren't we all drunks here?

Actually, I sniff bleach.

seeking the love and support that our
families never gave us. And I pledge to

you that should I manage with your
spiritual help to exorcise this ruinous

habit, then I shall be forever in your
debt as I go sober into that good life.

That is bullshit. She's probably got
booze in her purse.

Billy, fingers are for snapping, not
pointing.

Sober, sober.

Oh, see?

That's right. I can't believe you'd
stoop to planting liquor in my purse.

Oh.

What are you, morons? What, you're going
to believe her?

She said vengeance is her middle name.

No, it's not. It's Penelope.

I'd prove it to you if I still had my
license.

Oh, Mr. Tron, listen, I've learned my
lesson.

I just want you to know that. And I
completely understand you put me in jail

these few short hours so that I could
reflect on what I did. Thank you.

What are you doing?

I'm taking pictures to hang in store.

This one happened, you steal from me.

What? Come on, it was like 400 bucks
worth of booze.

It was on sale, that $750 worth.

What? I got it stolen down the street
for $350.

Smile.

Fine, okay, I'll give you the 400 bucks,
okay?

$7 .50. Sale over.

Okay, $7 .50.

I don't want your money.

Your money no good.

Everybody's still for me.

Drunks, kids, movie stars.

I come to this country to work, not
chase Christian Slater up sunset at 3 a

What do you want from me?

Oh.

You marry my sister, get her into the
United States, I drop charge.

Are you insane? I'm not going to do
that.

Think about you very pretty man for
jail.

Look, the only evidence that you have
against me is my confession, right? I

could have been lying.

Were you lying?

No. Ah. Ah!

Oh, sorry, babe. I wasn't able to raise
bail, but here, get you some cigarettes.

Oh, good, thank you. Now I can smoke
right after this biker rapes me.

You think that's funny? He said I had a
pretty mouth.

I gave you way out.

All you have to swallow, your pride.

The psycho's trying to blackmail me into
marrying his sister to get her out of

Vietnam.

You're Vietnamese?

Oh, Mr. Tran, sir, you may be the answer
to the hole in my life.

I got wives.

Sir, I, Milt Johnson, owe you an
apology.

You steal, too?

Yes. I stole your country's dignity, the
lives of your young, your nation's

innocents.

What the fuck you talk about?

Sir, I have an unrepayable debt that I
owe to your people.

Here's my down payment.

I will marry.

What?

Milt, listen to what you're saying, man.
This is insane.

You drink like Mr.

Gloofinger? Oh, no, sir. I haven't had a
drink in 20 years. I haven't shot one

of your countrymen in, wow, must be
almost 30.

Okay. You show me driver's license,
check stop, proof of insurance.

Milt, you don't have to do this for me.
He's not going for you. You stay in

here. Hey, man, this is my final amend.

But, sir, if I'm to marry your sister,
you have to set Dave free so that he can

be my best man.

Okay, deal. You get documents, I reduce
charges.

Till then, you be everybody's best man.

Got to call Don Hoy, break it to mother,
her daughter, Marina Schwarzer.

Then there was the time that I dated,
slept with, well, woke up under Gene

Kelly.

Could have been Gene Simmons. No,
actually, I think it was Gene Hawtry.

a rhyme.

Yes, now that's a story. Let me tell you
about it.

likes me anymore.

Just your imagination.

You've always had an overactive one.

How do you know that?

Your mother told me.

She said all your friends were
imaginary.

Well, at least they were supportive. I
mean, maybe I should get an imaginary

sponsor. One who's on my side, not my
mother's.

Mom, I am not on your mother's side.

Right, you're behind her, kissing her
ass.

I can't believe you even had imaginary
friends.

None of us see your mother the way that
you do.

You know what? You're right.

You're right. We need to see my mother
the same way.

So you're ready to welcome her into the
program? Yeah, I'm ready to do more than

that. I'm going to throw her a Welcome
to Addictions Anonymous surprise party.

Yeah. And if I'm lucky, everyone will be
really surprised.

Ah!

Full house.

Take off your shirt. No, I won. Full
house.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

That's why I'm letting you take it off.

Come on.

It's three paystubs.

Clean bill of health.

Driver's license. I can't let you do
this. Marry some woman you never met.

Man, no sacrifice is too great for the
burden I carry.

What's this?

Picture of sister. It's the only photo
I've heard I have.

Holy fuck.

How old is she?

She's 22, born in the year of dog.

Oh, I don't think so.

More like year of the fox.

Well, let me see it.

Move. She's not yet speaking much
English.

Oh, I'll teach her. We'll start with
birds.

Oh, my God.

I'll marry her. I'll marry her right
now. Too late for you. She engaged a

man with health insurance.

He's with an HMO, man. They kill more
people than smoking.

What do you care? You already have a
boyfriend.

Yeah. See how well things work out? Oh,
man. This is better than the car.

So, what is she, a student?

No, circus acrobat, contortionist. No!

And a date for the wedding?

You guys remember, Debbie, this is a
surprise party. So don't jump out

until we hear the S word.

Thank you, darling, for the apology, for
the dinner, for the bottle of

champagne. Ah, well, you bought the
champagne and drank the whole bottle.

I needed something to wash down that
hideous dinner. Mum, should you really

drinking? I mean, aren't you worried
about what Clark would think?

Oh, that crepulous, edible sodomite.

Is sodomite the S -word we're waiting
for? You know, last night he wept and he

hugged me as I recounted some incident
from my tortured past.

That I had seen the night before on a
rerun of Jake and the Fat Man.

Aren't you worried about the people in
the program?

I mean, they care about you and... Is
Grotty and Basilic sick of that?

Or are you sick of them, the word?

They are so mired in self -pity.

They don't know the difference between
an honest cry for help and a fart in a

number 10 envelope.

What was it you wanted to tell me,
darling?

Surprise!

Seems the surprise is on me.

And me.

When you die, I want to know where
you're buried so I can dance.

What did the judge give you? Well,
community service. You know, I got to

that food to the indigent and clean up
their vomit. Basically the same thing I

do here.

And I see that you've kicked that nasty
knitting habit.

Yes, and it was very easy to do. I knit
myself a patch.

Put your hands on the cheap before I
blow your head off.

Please tell me where I can find the $5
whorehouse.

Man, I got to get me a new Facebook
before the wedding.

You're good for nothing.