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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,740 --> 00:00:06,479 Last week on Rude Awakening... You know, I'm really glad I'm doing this. Good. I 2 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:10,659 mean, I'm out with you, I'm in a bar, I'm not drinking, and I'm actually 3 00:00:10,660 --> 00:00:12,020 fun. Want to try the math? 4 00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:14,180 I don't know about that. 5 00:00:14,391 --> 00:00:16,479 Hey, man! 6 00:00:16,480 --> 00:00:19,790 Tonight we got a real special guest up here on the karaoke machine. 7 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:24,400 Everybody put your hands together for Billy's mom, Trudy! 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:25,930 Go, Pa! 9 00:00:26,220 --> 00:00:27,940 Get your makeup running! 10 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,120 Head down on the highway. 11 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:38,160 Baby, there's a mouse in your house. 12 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,240 But he's a pet mouse. What a freaky night. 13 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,180 I'm going to bed. 14 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,200 I believe somebody forgot the cheese. 15 00:01:15,310 --> 00:01:16,360 From where are the... 16 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:55,690 It doesn't leave us. 17 00:02:40,171 --> 00:02:43,489 and I left something there last night. 18 00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:44,409 What? 19 00:02:44,410 --> 00:02:45,460 My balls. 20 00:02:45,930 --> 00:02:47,550 Could you check under the couch? 21 00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:51,270 What the hell happened here? 22 00:02:51,870 --> 00:02:57,369 Well, I was looking for my mouse thoroughly, which explains the furniture 23 00:02:57,370 --> 00:02:58,420 the cheese. 24 00:02:58,850 --> 00:02:59,900 Do you think? 25 00:03:00,150 --> 00:03:05,430 No. I know. Did you find him? No. And now I need so many crackers. 26 00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:07,750 Here. Yeah. Hey. 27 00:03:08,870 --> 00:03:09,920 Have a cheese wheel. 28 00:03:12,010 --> 00:03:14,240 How can I put this without sounding prissy? 29 00:03:15,370 --> 00:03:16,430 Eek, a mouse. 30 00:03:16,710 --> 00:03:17,760 Oh, you found him? 31 00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:20,190 Eek, a dead mouse. 32 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:23,690 Oh, slow -mo. 33 00:03:25,250 --> 00:03:26,870 He ate himself to death. 34 00:03:26,871 --> 00:03:29,469 He died happy, honey. There are rodents in India that don't even know what 35 00:03:29,470 --> 00:03:30,520 cheese is. 36 00:03:30,930 --> 00:03:32,920 This is all a big joke for you, isn't it? 37 00:03:33,530 --> 00:03:37,249 Kind of, yeah. Can I trade this for Jarlsberg? How can you even think about 38 00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:38,590 eating at a time like this? 39 00:03:38,591 --> 00:03:42,549 Well, honey, Shlomo would have wanted it that way. You know, if he taught us one 40 00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:43,750 thing, he taught us this. 41 00:03:44,710 --> 00:03:45,760 Enjoy the cheese. 42 00:03:46,630 --> 00:03:49,070 At least he didn't die in vain. 43 00:03:49,750 --> 00:03:50,890 No, he died in cheese. 44 00:03:51,090 --> 00:03:56,309 Oh, that's not funny. I'm just trying to make you laugh. Look, I was up all 45 00:03:56,310 --> 00:03:59,429 night thinking about what the hell was going on with you, and I finally figured 46 00:03:59,430 --> 00:04:00,480 it out. 47 00:04:00,481 --> 00:04:03,629 You did? Yes, I figured it out. Because, you know, I've been in the program for 48 00:04:03,630 --> 00:04:05,249 almost a year, and I can see the signs. 49 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,570 You saw the signs? I certainly did. Well, I... 50 00:04:08,110 --> 00:04:11,150 I freaked out, too, just before I got my 60 -day chip. 51 00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:12,189 Ah! 52 00:04:12,190 --> 00:04:13,240 Yes! 53 00:04:13,350 --> 00:04:15,010 The 60 -day chip! 54 00:04:15,470 --> 00:04:21,310 I'm just freaking out. It's like... Hey, you know what? What? You. 55 00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:23,330 I don't understand it. Huh. 56 00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:24,389 Thank you. 57 00:04:24,390 --> 00:04:26,690 And... Perceptive. That's what they call me. 58 00:04:27,010 --> 00:04:29,180 Perceptive Dave. Yeah? Who calls you that? 59 00:04:29,230 --> 00:04:31,830 Um... I don't know. I haven't been paying attention. 60 00:04:32,570 --> 00:04:35,160 Okay, I gotta go to work. Um, I'm glad I figured it out. 61 00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:40,059 And, uh, see you later. And productive Dave, too. Yes, yes, I could be 62 00:04:40,060 --> 00:04:41,660 Dave, but I gotta go. Ah! 63 00:04:42,460 --> 00:04:43,510 Bye! 64 00:04:43,820 --> 00:04:49,240 Poor Shlomo. 65 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,930 Shlomo, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were a teetheholic. 66 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:57,620 You know, you were much cuter when you weren't rotting. 67 00:05:06,681 --> 00:05:08,589 Thanks for buying. 68 00:05:08,590 --> 00:05:12,149 I'm kind of broke and nobody will hire me. I've been to St. Joe's, St. Ann's, 69 00:05:12,150 --> 00:05:13,890 St. John's, and the big Jew hospital. 70 00:05:13,891 --> 00:05:17,389 Well, you know, if you called it that in your interview, I can see why you 71 00:05:17,390 --> 00:05:18,440 didn't get the job. 72 00:05:18,710 --> 00:05:21,010 Wow. The Jews are so sensitive. 73 00:05:21,011 --> 00:05:23,599 Yeah, well, that's why we need our own hospital. 74 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,559 You know, I find it really hard to believe that a registered nurse cannot 75 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:31,699 job. Yeah, you steal some morphine, a couple of needles from county, and all 76 00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,439 a sudden you're labeled a problem nurse. 77 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,999 You know, people are so quick to judge. It's not like you're hurting anybody, 78 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:38,050 right? 79 00:05:38,260 --> 00:05:39,310 Only myself. 80 00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:45,020 You know, it's too bad there's not a plague or a worse something. 81 00:05:45,021 --> 00:05:49,239 I mean, when people are bleeding profusely, they don't have time to check 82 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,290 references. 83 00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:55,189 Well, with any luck, there'll be an outbreak of Ebola in Brentwood. 84 00:05:55,190 --> 00:05:56,810 Doesn't your mother live there? 85 00:05:57,090 --> 00:05:58,590 This is what I'm saying. Uh -huh. 86 00:05:59,550 --> 00:06:01,970 Hey, you look great. 87 00:06:02,770 --> 00:06:06,330 See what comes from healthy living? That's right, Abe. 88 00:06:07,510 --> 00:06:08,560 Have some camembert. 89 00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:11,230 Hey, thanks. I love camembert. 90 00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,430 Fondue party, my house Friday night. 91 00:06:14,910 --> 00:06:20,170 He gets camembert, and all I get are these slices of Velveeta. He's gay. 92 00:06:22,190 --> 00:06:23,750 White? Uh -huh. Hello. 93 00:06:24,530 --> 00:06:25,580 Have some feta. 94 00:06:26,090 --> 00:06:29,690 Oh. Okay. Who would like to begin sharing? 95 00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:34,589 Please don't pick Naomi. Oh, anyone but non -star Naomi. Please don't pick 96 00:06:34,590 --> 00:06:38,770 Naomi. Please don't pick Naomi. Please don't pick Naomi. Naomi. 97 00:06:39,150 --> 00:06:40,200 Oh, no. 98 00:06:41,950 --> 00:06:43,000 Hello. 99 00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:48,690 My name is Naomi, and I'm an alcoholic. 100 00:06:49,350 --> 00:06:50,400 Hi. 101 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:55,880 My story begins when my grandparents came here from Ireland. 102 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:57,900 Oy vey, the director's cut. 103 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,700 And so, 104 00:07:03,720 --> 00:07:11,619 to 105 00:07:11,620 --> 00:07:13,740 make a long story short... Too late. 106 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,960 Last night, I felt a cult coming on. 107 00:07:18,580 --> 00:07:19,720 And I had a... 108 00:07:20,430 --> 00:07:26,009 A little sip of NyQuil, and then another, and then another. All right, I 109 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:27,070 six -pack, okay? 110 00:07:27,710 --> 00:07:28,760 I slipped. 111 00:07:28,970 --> 00:07:33,249 I have just got my two -year chip, and now I have to start all over again. What 112 00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:36,330 is going on? I zoned out when she lost her virginity. 113 00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:39,310 She drank some NyQuil, and now she's back at day one. 114 00:07:40,090 --> 00:07:45,010 Oh, come on. I mean, she must be a very strict, orthodox type of drunk. 115 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:49,379 I mean, you and me, we're more like drunks that go to a temple only on Yom 116 00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:50,430 Kippur, right? 117 00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:53,620 I don't know what any of the Jew talk is. 118 00:07:54,580 --> 00:07:55,700 But a slip is a slip. 119 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,840 And so I'm a newcomer, again. 120 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,060 But my cold is better. 121 00:08:02,061 --> 00:08:06,359 Except for a little tickling in the back of my throat. Okay, thank you so much, 122 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,960 Naomi. I know that took a lot of guts. 123 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:11,400 And a lot of time. 124 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,260 In fact, that's all the time we have for today. 125 00:08:16,490 --> 00:08:17,850 Thank God that is over. 126 00:08:18,570 --> 00:08:20,250 Here's a job that might work for me. 127 00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:25,009 It's manager of West Hollywood's number one lesbian S &M bar. Ah, the pussy 128 00:08:25,010 --> 00:08:27,629 whip. Yeah, isn't that right next door to the open fist? 129 00:08:27,630 --> 00:08:29,610 No, no, no, no. The open fist closed. 130 00:08:29,950 --> 00:08:31,450 Now it's a Birkenstock outlet. 131 00:08:31,451 --> 00:08:32,308 Bye -bye. 132 00:08:32,309 --> 00:08:34,779 Bye. Do you think you can give me a lift to the club? 133 00:08:34,970 --> 00:08:36,289 Oh. Hmm. 134 00:08:37,030 --> 00:08:41,529 Yes. And I need to stop at my mom's. And maybe she can give you some good old 135 00:08:41,530 --> 00:08:42,790 pussy whipping pointers. 136 00:08:42,850 --> 00:08:43,900 Your mother? Yeah. 137 00:08:44,010 --> 00:08:45,060 Ooh. Come on. 138 00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,050 Mom, whoever he is, he's gone. 139 00:08:55,250 --> 00:08:56,510 Oh, thank God you're here. 140 00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,820 I can't move. 141 00:08:57,821 --> 00:09:02,649 What? Don't tell me you got smashed and tried to go under an invisible limbo 142 00:09:02,650 --> 00:09:06,850 bar? No, I was trying to achieve orgasm through kundalini yoga. 143 00:09:06,851 --> 00:09:11,509 Can't you just give it a little twiddle like the rest of us? 144 00:09:11,510 --> 00:09:12,830 Oh, how boring. 145 00:09:12,831 --> 00:09:16,489 I'm looking for a hug, mate. A twiddle, something that says to the universe, 146 00:09:16,490 --> 00:09:17,770 look, God, no hands. 147 00:09:17,771 --> 00:09:20,249 Is that really when you want God to be looking? 148 00:09:20,250 --> 00:09:24,449 Oh, well, I call out his name. Anyone might as well put on a good show, get me 149 00:09:24,450 --> 00:09:28,930 drink. Mother, it is 11 o 'clock in the morning. Put it in a coffee cup. 150 00:09:29,190 --> 00:09:32,170 You know, you really shouldn't be doing yoga alone. 151 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:35,420 But obviously you could hurt yourself. Dad wasn't alone. 152 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:38,790 Sri Baba Nanda was guiding me toward ecstasy. 153 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,599 Sri Baba Nanda? Do you know there's a blonde boy who works at that Indian 154 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,650 restaurant? 155 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:49,439 Kenny from the curry hut? He was helping me achieve orgasm by spiritually 156 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:52,760 manipulating my mula bandha. Mula bandha? Crotch! 157 00:09:53,180 --> 00:09:55,940 Oh, I am never going to the curry hut again. 158 00:09:56,220 --> 00:10:01,259 Where is Antonia? Oh, she's out of the country. Some family emergency in one of 159 00:10:01,260 --> 00:10:04,080 those ugly little countries like Ecuador or Bumidor. 160 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:09,280 You know, what you need is a nurse. A caring... 161 00:10:10,579 --> 00:10:13,889 Qualified. Licensed. Pending a hearing. Kind of nurse. You're hired. 162 00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:18,759 I should give you a warning. Her motto is first world service at third world 163 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:21,320 prices. I have a motto, too. You want to hear it? 164 00:10:21,321 --> 00:10:22,859 Rent's due. 165 00:10:22,860 --> 00:10:25,720 No. Get me a bell and some hemorrhoid cream. 166 00:10:26,220 --> 00:10:30,880 On that note, I will be running, screaming out of here. Mommy, feel 167 00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:36,700 Kiss, kiss, darling. You put away all sharp objects. 168 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:38,340 Why? Is she violent? No. 169 00:10:50,060 --> 00:10:52,950 Yes, this is on the house to celebrate your 60 -day chance. 170 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:54,820 Oh, I'm so proud of you. 171 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,560 Makes the sponsor want to cry. 172 00:10:57,160 --> 00:10:58,360 Do you have any cleanup? 173 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:03,180 Oh, well, I have a tampon, but it's very absorbent. 174 00:11:03,181 --> 00:11:07,319 Yeah, you know, it's weird. Just the mere mention of a tampon dried me right 175 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:08,940 I have mentioned I'm gay, right? 176 00:11:09,340 --> 00:11:11,670 Empathic. So, Chad, about Naomi yesterday. 177 00:11:11,950 --> 00:11:15,749 Don't you think that it's unfair that she has to go all the way back to day 178 00:11:15,750 --> 00:11:19,090 just because she drank some NyQuil? No, no, no, no, no. She slipped. 179 00:11:19,091 --> 00:11:22,909 NyQuil has alcohol in it. Yeah, well, so does KY Jelly, but I don't see you 180 00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,170 turning in all your chips. 181 00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:26,170 Billy, I don't take it internally. 182 00:11:28,770 --> 00:11:30,510 Oh, God, I got to call my sponsor. 183 00:11:32,890 --> 00:11:33,940 What's up with him? 184 00:11:34,990 --> 00:11:36,040 He's just being anal. 185 00:11:37,030 --> 00:11:38,710 So, Dave, let me ask you. Yeah. 186 00:11:38,711 --> 00:11:41,599 Don't you think that Naomi's being a little bit hard on herself? 187 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:44,730 I mean, maybe she didn't know that the NyQuil had alcohol in it. 188 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,780 It comes with its own shot glass. 189 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,980 Look, it's a very simple rule. 190 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,840 Stay away from alcohol, stay away from drugs. 191 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,760 And you have... Meeting time. 192 00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:56,230 Come on, everybody. 193 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:00,299 Good news, good news. My sponsor says I have nothing to worry about. He said 194 00:12:00,300 --> 00:12:04,030 that if KY was considered a slip, there wouldn't be a sober gay man on Earth. 195 00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:05,910 Will. 196 00:12:11,210 --> 00:12:12,830 Now we have some chips to hand out. 197 00:12:13,630 --> 00:12:15,710 You're all getting very sleepy. 198 00:12:16,221 --> 00:12:18,149 Wake up. 199 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:22,849 Okay, now, this first one is very, very, very special to me because I am her 200 00:12:22,850 --> 00:12:25,810 sponsor. So, hooray for me. 201 00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:30,110 Billy, come up here and get your 60 -day chip. 202 00:12:31,030 --> 00:12:36,250 You did it, you did it, you did it. 203 00:12:37,850 --> 00:12:38,900 We love you. 204 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:40,610 We love you so much. 205 00:12:40,611 --> 00:12:44,129 It's hard for me to express what I'm feeling right now, but I'm going to try. 206 00:12:44,130 --> 00:12:45,270 Okay, thank you, Naomi. 207 00:12:45,570 --> 00:12:48,570 Thank you. Billy, I am just so proud of you. 208 00:12:49,050 --> 00:12:50,490 Thank you. 209 00:12:52,650 --> 00:12:55,240 You're like the fat girl in a Richard Simmons video. 210 00:13:00,770 --> 00:13:01,820 Surprise! 211 00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:04,120 Congratulations. 212 00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:05,460 Dave. 213 00:13:05,810 --> 00:13:06,860 You shouldn't have. 214 00:13:07,050 --> 00:13:10,610 Oh, come on. Here. A little sparkling apple juice. Very good month. 215 00:13:13,170 --> 00:13:17,490 Sir, I do believe you're trying to keep me sober. Yes, because frankly, my dear, 216 00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:18,950 I give a damn. 217 00:13:19,601 --> 00:13:26,349 It's a huge achievement. You know that? A lot of people don't make it through 60 218 00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:27,409 days without slipping. 219 00:13:27,410 --> 00:13:29,570 Well, that doesn't make them bad people. 220 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,610 You know, who are you to judge? 221 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:35,390 I'm not judging. I'm congratulating. Oh. Shut up. Come here. 222 00:13:36,141 --> 00:13:40,989 Wait till you see what I have for you in the bedroom. 223 00:13:40,990 --> 00:13:42,040 Oh, yeah? 224 00:13:42,041 --> 00:13:42,849 Very big. 225 00:13:42,850 --> 00:13:43,900 Oh. 226 00:13:46,070 --> 00:13:47,290 Hi, this is Billy. 227 00:13:47,750 --> 00:13:48,970 How does this work? 228 00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:54,149 Hey, baby. I don't know how you came down from our little acid trip, but I 229 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:58,670 up in Tarzana with a Thighmaster strapped to my head. Damn, my neck is 230 00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:05,329 Good Thighmaster strapped to your head. We talk about not reading the 231 00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:09,659 instructions. You took an acid trip. Well, I mean, it was hardly a trip. It 232 00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:14,440 more of a jaunt, an outing, a stroll, if you will. 233 00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,900 That's why you've been acting so weird. 234 00:14:16,901 --> 00:14:20,479 I can't even believe I didn't notice that. That's great. And you took a chip. 235 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,899 You went up in front of all those people who love you, and you just took a chip. 236 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:27,039 Well, they would have been so disappointed if I hadn't. I mean, you 237 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,630 sometimes you have to put other people first, Dave. 238 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:32,390 Like you're putting me first, lying to my face. 239 00:14:32,391 --> 00:14:35,759 You're so perceptive, Dave. You let me call myself perceptive Dave. 240 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,380 It was a little tab of acid. Half a tab. A dot, really. 241 00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:43,380 Look, at least I didn't drink NyQuil. You took acid! 242 00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:45,040 I didn't even like it. 243 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:48,150 You know, if you don't like something, it doesn't count. 244 00:14:48,151 --> 00:14:49,099 What, you too? 245 00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:53,219 That is why I don't count losing my virginity at 15, because I didn't like 246 00:14:53,220 --> 00:14:57,699 until later. And that is why I officially lost my virginity at 18, 247 00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,320 would know if you read Tiger Beat. 248 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:04,129 Honey. You broke your sobriety, and now you have to start over. That's it. No 249 00:15:04,130 --> 00:15:06,150 way. No way. 250 00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:12,049 I worked hard to get this chip. I wanted to drink, and I didn't drink for 60 251 00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:16,709 days. And one teeny little 22 -and -a -half -hour acid trip is not going to 252 00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,869 cancel it out. Okay, honey, give me the chip back. 253 00:15:18,870 --> 00:15:22,109 Get your own goddamn chip. I have plenty of chips. I've been sober for almost a 254 00:15:22,110 --> 00:15:25,649 year. Oh, well, good for you. Why don't you take all your little chips and make 255 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:28,300 a little banner on the wall? Just give me it. Give me it. 256 00:15:28,851 --> 00:15:30,939 Look, you're nuts. 257 00:15:30,940 --> 00:15:34,959 Okay, I like a crazy woman as much as the next recovering alcoholic, but when 258 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,919 you start lying and dropping acid and then biting me, I draw the line. No, no, 259 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,000 no, come on, Dave. Don't leave all that. 260 00:15:41,680 --> 00:15:46,339 But you can't be sober if you're not honest. So until you can be honest, I 261 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:49,139 want to be here. Okay, Dave, listen. Listen to me, please. What? 262 00:15:49,140 --> 00:15:52,160 I admit lying to you is wrong. 263 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:53,570 It was bad. 264 00:15:54,080 --> 00:15:59,080 It was. It was really bad. I don't know how to make it up to you except... 265 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,570 What? 266 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:01,710 What? 267 00:16:07,351 --> 00:16:09,379 Well, 268 00:16:09,380 --> 00:16:16,119 that 269 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:17,170 was a new low. 270 00:16:18,740 --> 00:16:25,100 Put that knife away! 271 00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:28,180 Please, put it away! 272 00:16:32,340 --> 00:16:33,480 Frignited. Frightened. 273 00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:34,770 Frightened. 274 00:16:35,840 --> 00:16:36,890 Help! 275 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,610 Me! 276 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,610 Bravo! 277 00:16:44,180 --> 00:16:46,440 Bravo, you've got a lot of heart, baby. 278 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:53,359 Boy, you know, I see a lot of bimbos come through here, but you, you are an 279 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:54,410 actress. 280 00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,520 Now I need to see your breasts. 281 00:16:58,740 --> 00:16:59,790 Finally. 282 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,680 Like I said, bravo. 283 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,280 Hey, you too, bravo. 284 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,060 Oh, well, he really appreciates raw talent. 285 00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:19,940 Oh, hey, now. And listen, we start production next Monday, so we'll be in 286 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:21,839 Thanks, Mr. Short. 287 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:25,290 Do you validate? 288 00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:26,619 Yeah, I did. 289 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:35,750 Oh, God. 290 00:17:37,080 --> 00:17:42,260 You know, going to production next week. I know, I know. But, hey, I'm bored, 291 00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,839 okay? And it's, you know, it's cheaper than a strip joint. 292 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:47,940 Oh, Harv, how can you lie to those girls like that? 293 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,580 Hey, I'm a producer. I have to lie. 294 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:54,180 And if the lie doesn't hurt anybody, then that's okay, right? 295 00:17:54,420 --> 00:17:55,470 It's more than okay. 296 00:17:56,580 --> 00:17:57,680 It's why you lie. 297 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:02,060 You are so wise. I really should be spending more time with you. 298 00:18:02,061 --> 00:18:05,349 Well, you know, I'm here at work a lot. Why don't you come down occasionally? 299 00:18:05,350 --> 00:18:11,330 Say, uh, nine -ish to, uh, five -ish. Oh, but I would shop when -ish. Oh! 300 00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:18,849 My point is, I am so sick of those killjoys that Addiction's anonymous 301 00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,530 with their rules and regulations. 302 00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:22,180 Oh, 303 00:18:22,450 --> 00:18:24,010 hey, Billy. 304 00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:29,930 What? Billy, I don't do westerns, but I'm seeing a wagon and somebody... 305 00:18:30,820 --> 00:18:31,870 falling off. 306 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:33,160 Can you take a drink? No! 307 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:37,400 I mean, I just, you know, accidentally did some acid. 308 00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,040 Hold it. Time out. 309 00:18:39,420 --> 00:18:40,470 Accidentally? 310 00:18:40,820 --> 00:18:45,219 Hey, who are you talking to? What, were you at a dead concert and you yawned and 311 00:18:45,220 --> 00:18:49,100 some freak gust of wind blew a tab of acid into your mouth? 312 00:18:49,590 --> 00:18:53,200 What difference does it make? As long as I didn't have a drink... Hi, honey, 313 00:18:53,250 --> 00:18:57,789 please, please, don't bullshit a bullshitter. You know, I don't know, 314 00:18:57,790 --> 00:19:00,869 if I'm wrong, but isn't sobering me not supposed to get, you know, fucked up on 315 00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:04,480 anything? I mean, really, Billy, you're just lying to yourself, honey. 316 00:19:04,550 --> 00:19:07,730 Please, Harv, you lie to yourself all the time. 317 00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,570 Au contraire. No, no, no. 318 00:19:11,190 --> 00:19:13,010 I know who I am. 319 00:19:13,470 --> 00:19:14,520 Yeah? Yeah. 320 00:19:15,350 --> 00:19:18,110 I'm a middle -aged schlock movie producer. 321 00:19:19,370 --> 00:19:22,410 I tape Marmaduke cartoons on my refrigerator. 322 00:19:22,830 --> 00:19:25,240 Yeah, because I just cannot commit to a real dog. 323 00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:28,330 That's because I have a fear of dying alone. 324 00:19:29,070 --> 00:19:34,850 And I have a fear of dying with a large group of people around me. 325 00:19:36,510 --> 00:19:37,850 How hard was that, huh? 326 00:19:38,050 --> 00:19:39,100 You're right. 327 00:19:39,350 --> 00:19:41,750 I didn't take the acid by accident. 328 00:19:42,550 --> 00:19:45,550 But from now on, I'm not going to lie anymore. 329 00:19:46,070 --> 00:19:47,120 That's it. 330 00:19:48,139 --> 00:19:49,400 Very good. Very good. 331 00:19:50,980 --> 00:19:52,030 Ladies, 332 00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:58,050 grab your tits and run. We are not in production on anything. 333 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,570 Ladies, 334 00:20:01,140 --> 00:20:02,380 I'm sorry. 335 00:20:02,381 --> 00:20:03,599 I'm really sorry. 336 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,340 I had six months to live. I didn't know what I was doing. 337 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:08,640 You're right. I feel so much better. 338 00:20:15,110 --> 00:20:16,330 I need some chardonnay. 339 00:20:16,610 --> 00:20:20,190 My blood alcohol level has plummeted to a dangerous low. Yeah? 340 00:20:20,191 --> 00:20:23,009 Well, in a few days, it might be legal for you to drive. 341 00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:23,749 No, why? 342 00:20:23,750 --> 00:20:25,230 Why, no! You idiot! 343 00:20:27,890 --> 00:20:29,450 Here's a little tip for the sick. 344 00:20:29,930 --> 00:20:33,120 Don't piss off the nurse. I make a mean colonic. Now take your pill. 345 00:20:33,310 --> 00:20:36,800 This is over -the -counter crap. Wouldn't take the edge off a paper cup. 346 00:20:38,110 --> 00:20:41,750 Get me some ice, and then when you come back, give me a foot massage. 347 00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:43,510 Oh, chop, chop, nurse! 348 00:20:44,639 --> 00:20:47,580 My name is Jackie. 349 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,770 Okay? You should be able to remember it because it rhymes with lackey. 350 00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:53,520 Chop, chop, lackey. 351 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,520 Hey, hi. How is she? I'm about to put a pillow over her face. 352 00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,080 Oh, welcome to the family. 353 00:21:04,020 --> 00:21:05,070 Mommy? 354 00:21:07,070 --> 00:21:08,120 How are you feeling? 355 00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:12,650 Grandpa Donnie wouldn't believe the hideous neglect I've had to endure. 356 00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:19,209 I am completely dehydrated, darling. Look, Nurse Blackie won't give me a drop 357 00:21:19,210 --> 00:21:20,260 liquid. 358 00:21:20,590 --> 00:21:21,910 Mother, what is all this? 359 00:21:22,210 --> 00:21:25,910 Well, it might as well be cat piss for all the good it's doing me. Tomato 360 00:21:26,030 --> 00:21:30,329 carrot juice. What am I, a fucking rabbit? I'm surrounded by chasers with 361 00:21:30,330 --> 00:21:31,410 nothing to chase. 362 00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,570 Shh, Mommy, calm down. I can't calm down, darling. 363 00:21:36,310 --> 00:21:42,370 I'm in terrible pain, and the whole world is in sharp focus. It's dreadful, 364 00:21:42,430 --> 00:21:43,480 darling. Look. 365 00:21:43,730 --> 00:21:48,130 Right across the room. Oh, my God. What is that hideous thing over there? 366 00:21:48,850 --> 00:21:51,530 Uh, it's a mirror, Mommy. That's you. 367 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:53,820 Oh! 368 00:21:53,950 --> 00:21:57,710 Oh, my God. That's what I look like. No wonder I drink. 369 00:21:57,711 --> 00:22:02,889 Mother, you know, I mean, I'd love to say that you're beautiful on the inside, 370 00:22:02,890 --> 00:22:04,450 but... Darling, darling, darling. 371 00:22:08,050 --> 00:22:11,630 Liquor, darling? No, I won't. You heartless child. 372 00:22:11,870 --> 00:22:15,530 You have no idea what it's like to be without liquor. 373 00:22:16,250 --> 00:22:17,430 What? Hello? 374 00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:23,129 How drunk have you been for the past two months that you don't know that I know 375 00:22:23,130 --> 00:22:25,590 exactly what it is to be without liquor? 376 00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:31,589 Too many turns in that question, darling. Okay, what I'm trying to say 377 00:22:31,590 --> 00:22:34,410 Mommy, don't you think that I would like a drink? 378 00:22:35,130 --> 00:22:40,419 Oh, darling, why didn't you say... Say so, darling. Go and pour yourself a 379 00:22:40,420 --> 00:22:43,579 of wine, darling, and while you're at it, give me one, too, under the pillow 380 00:22:43,580 --> 00:22:46,540 there, darling. Okay, okay, Mummy, but not a full glass. 381 00:22:46,820 --> 00:22:48,260 Pillow, darling. Half a glass. 382 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:50,380 A spot, even. 383 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:51,710 All right. 384 00:22:51,800 --> 00:22:52,850 Come on, darling. 385 00:22:54,660 --> 00:22:56,040 Come on, I love you, darling. 386 00:22:56,680 --> 00:22:57,730 Hurry up, darling. 387 00:22:58,640 --> 00:22:59,690 Darling! 388 00:22:59,940 --> 00:23:01,540 Don't take all fucking day. 389 00:23:09,421 --> 00:23:16,429 Hello. Uh, listen, Chad, I'd really like to talk to you about something. 390 00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:23,169 Um, I have a friend, and, uh, well, let's say he, uh, experimented with 391 00:23:23,170 --> 00:23:27,170 something new, and I think he liked it more than he's willing to admit. 392 00:23:27,910 --> 00:23:32,710 Really? Do tell. Yeah, and I really believe he's gonna do it again. 393 00:23:32,991 --> 00:23:35,949 Chad, you're pissing on my foot. 394 00:23:35,950 --> 00:23:36,999 Oh, God. 395 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:38,050 I'm sorry. 396 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:42,240 It's just that I've dreamed of this day for so long. 397 00:23:42,700 --> 00:23:45,420 Of course, we weren't in a bathroom in Los Angeles. 398 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,060 We were in Paris, in a bathroom at the Louvre. 399 00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:55,240 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, dee, no, dee, no. I'm not talking, I'm not gay. 400 00:23:55,340 --> 00:23:56,540 I'm talking about Billy. 401 00:23:57,280 --> 00:23:58,330 Billy's gay? 402 00:23:59,020 --> 00:24:01,100 Oh, my God, I can't believe that. 403 00:24:01,660 --> 00:24:03,860 Whoa, talk about overcompensating. 404 00:24:04,360 --> 00:24:05,940 He must really feel stupid. 405 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:07,290 Billy's not gay. 406 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:08,490 She slipped. 407 00:24:09,460 --> 00:24:10,510 She took acid. 408 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:12,450 Oh, my God. 409 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,730 Oh, no. 410 00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:19,219 Oh, God, this is terrible. This is really terrible. I know, so, you know, 411 00:24:19,220 --> 00:24:20,270 are we going to do? 412 00:24:20,271 --> 00:24:24,079 We got to talk to her. We just got to be there for her. I tried that. I've been 413 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:27,099 talking to her. She's in total denial. I'm worried she's going to stop coming 414 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:27,929 the meetings. 415 00:24:27,930 --> 00:24:29,490 Well, then we got to pray for her. 416 00:24:30,690 --> 00:24:31,740 What, in here? 417 00:24:32,090 --> 00:24:33,770 God answered prayers everywhere. 418 00:24:34,330 --> 00:24:37,400 Just a few seconds ago, I thought he was answering one of mine. 419 00:24:41,910 --> 00:24:48,229 And so I've always had this horrible fear, stupid though it may be, that I 420 00:24:48,230 --> 00:24:51,530 people, and that they're not really there for me emotionally. 421 00:24:52,790 --> 00:24:53,840 Oh, 422 00:24:55,030 --> 00:24:56,080 time's up. 423 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,440 Thank you, Naomi, for another scintillating share. 424 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:00,930 Thanks, really. 425 00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:04,920 Okay, now, who else would like to share? 426 00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:09,160 Anyone. Anyone at all. 427 00:25:10,860 --> 00:25:13,760 Billy, come up here and share. 428 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:17,900 Oh, well, actually, I'd like to hear more from Naomi. 429 00:25:18,120 --> 00:25:20,900 You know, her roofie story is second to none. Thank you. 430 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,760 Well, one night I was down in the marina. Naomi, you have been dinged. 431 00:25:28,340 --> 00:25:29,760 Philly, you have the floor. 432 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:37,050 Well, you know, a funny thing happened on the way to the podium. 433 00:25:38,000 --> 00:25:43,159 I was at a Grateful Dead concert, and not a fan, so I yawned, and all of a 434 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:48,360 sudden, this great gust of freak wind... Oh, fuck it. You know what? 435 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:54,440 I slipped, okay, on acid, two days before I got my chip. 436 00:25:55,440 --> 00:25:59,279 But, you know, I mean, this is not my fault. This is all your fault, because 437 00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:03,099 nowhere in this program book, which I have skimmed thoroughly, is there any 438 00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:06,580 mention of acid. Uh, page 572. 439 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,740 Well, it should be closer to the front, because, you see, acid starts with A. 440 00:26:13,380 --> 00:26:16,520 My bae, don't you drunks know about alphabetical order? 441 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:19,890 Okay. 442 00:26:20,620 --> 00:26:24,280 The reason I came here was... Here's your tip. 443 00:26:26,090 --> 00:26:29,340 I didn't realize how much it meant to me until I had to give it back. 444 00:26:33,670 --> 00:26:38,310 I have not been this relieved since I found out KY was okay. 445 00:26:40,530 --> 00:26:41,580 Yeah. 446 00:26:44,990 --> 00:26:46,040 Surprise. Okay. 447 00:26:47,130 --> 00:26:48,570 Ran home to put up your banner. 448 00:26:48,810 --> 00:26:52,090 Okay. Thank you. You are so sweet. 449 00:26:53,290 --> 00:26:54,340 Hey. 450 00:26:56,519 --> 00:26:58,240 There's coffee grounds on it. 451 00:26:59,380 --> 00:27:01,060 Has my banner been in the garbage? 452 00:27:01,061 --> 00:27:01,979 A little bit. 453 00:27:01,980 --> 00:27:03,030 Yeah. 454 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,779 By the way, I loved your speech. Really. Especially the part where you called us 455 00:27:07,780 --> 00:27:09,890 all drunks and you blamed us for your slip. 456 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,050 Ah, yeah. 457 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,960 Thought of all that right on the spot. 458 00:27:14,500 --> 00:27:18,260 Dave, this is so sweet, really. I don't deserve this. 459 00:27:19,140 --> 00:27:20,980 No, you don't. But you can try. 460 00:27:21,780 --> 00:27:22,830 Hmm. Hmm? 461 00:27:24,650 --> 00:27:31,350 I can try by thinking of some creative thinking postures, 462 00:27:31,370 --> 00:27:37,210 right? But again, now that I'm a newcomer again, we can't have sex, 463 00:27:39,130 --> 00:27:40,180 Fuck that. 464 00:27:40,350 --> 00:27:41,690 Woo! Yeah. 465 00:27:43,230 --> 00:27:44,490 Baby doll! 466 00:27:44,540 --> 00:27:49,090 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37341

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