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Wow.
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Wow.
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Oh, my God.
4
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Hey,
5
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I'm back.
6
00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,620
I hope it is happy hour because I am
happy.
7
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:08,549
Hey, Billy.
8
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I have.
9
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You gonna have Irish coffee? Easy on the
coffee.
10
00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:13,610
I love a man who knows what I want.
11
00:01:13,870 --> 00:01:17,420
How many of those have you made, huh?
Oh, I'm not sure. I keep passing out.
12
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But I love you.
13
00:01:21,270 --> 00:01:23,620
I guess you could say I have a drinking
problem.
14
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Certainly everyone else has.
15
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The first time I noticed it, I was in
high school when I was voted girl most
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likely to vomit.
17
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:34,250
And so, a toast.
18
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To Mike's bar and bar.
19
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May you never be the designated driver.
20
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,140
This is a story about me getting better.
21
00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:46,950
Although, according to most guys, I was
pretty damn good already.
22
00:01:46,951 --> 00:01:51,219
You know, you have the most beautiful
eyes.
23
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No, you do.
24
00:01:52,540 --> 00:01:56,150
No, you do. No, you do. I'm telling you,
you do. Okay, wait a minute. Let's see.
25
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,700
You're right. I do. You do.
26
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:01,120
Can I take you out to dinner?
27
00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:02,610
You're so cute.
28
00:02:02,980 --> 00:02:04,660
You could just plain take me.
29
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,680
Where do you want to eat? Your face.
30
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Any place.
31
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,580
I just, I need to go home and change.
32
00:02:10,581 --> 00:02:12,139
No, no, no, don't change much.
33
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I meant my underwear.
34
00:02:14,360 --> 00:02:17,260
I really like you. Yeah, I really like
you too.
35
00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:19,500
You ready to go?
36
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,050
Okay.
37
00:02:25,740 --> 00:02:26,790
I'll drive.
38
00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:30,040
Okay, because I don't know where I
barge.
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00:02:43,829 --> 00:02:44,879
Holy crap!
40
00:02:45,030 --> 00:02:48,050
I have pepper spray! It's okay, Billy.
We're all here for you.
41
00:02:50,350 --> 00:02:52,970
Why are you here for me, Pitt?
42
00:02:53,390 --> 00:02:56,040
Well, because I'm your sister -in -law.
We're family.
43
00:02:57,790 --> 00:02:59,950
And who the hell are you?
44
00:03:00,270 --> 00:03:03,190
My name is Fran, and I'm a therapist.
45
00:03:03,470 --> 00:03:04,530
Good for you.
46
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What a relief.
47
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:10,149
I mean, I thought you guys were robbers,
although now I think I could kick all
48
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,200
you asses.
49
00:03:11,290 --> 00:03:12,670
Probably the booth talking.
50
00:03:12,850 --> 00:03:14,410
Billy, this is an intervention.
51
00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:19,109
Your whole family, none of whom could be
here tonight, think it's high time that
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00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:21,429
you take a look and do something about
your drinking.
53
00:03:21,430 --> 00:03:25,329
I mean, not only have you ruined your
own life, which is, you know, obvious,
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you're ruining ours.
55
00:03:27,070 --> 00:03:28,710
Right. You know what?
56
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,410
You guys are crazy.
57
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:35,209
Look, this party sounds like it would be
a lot of fun, but I've got that brain
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00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:39,889
tumor party to go to and a cute guy
waiting downstairs. So drink up, or
59
00:03:39,890 --> 00:03:43,560
And, oh, if anyone gets hungry, there's
always some food under the couch.
60
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:46,730
Bia wouldn't want to be ya.
61
00:03:56,830 --> 00:04:00,030
Sure you have your keys?
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I hope so. Otherwise, I'll have to do it
in the hallway. All the neighbors will
63
00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,310
want to join in. It's a friendly
building, you know.
64
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,250
Oh.
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00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,090
What? This is it.
66
00:04:13,091 --> 00:04:14,099
This one?
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00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:15,280
Yeah. Okay.
68
00:04:16,111 --> 00:04:17,859
Let's see.
69
00:04:17,860 --> 00:04:18,910
You got your stuff?
70
00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:21,320
Here we go. Which one?
71
00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,880
Is it the big one? Yeah, I hope so.
Yeah?
72
00:04:25,180 --> 00:04:28,310
And it goes in the little hole? Just
stick it in the little hole.
73
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Oh, wait.
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00:04:32,450 --> 00:04:33,670
Good. Come on.
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00:04:35,210 --> 00:04:36,810
This is nice.
76
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:41,169
This is it. This is very nice. Thank
you. I like your paintings. Oh, no, no,
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00:04:41,170 --> 00:04:43,790
no, no. I am the designated unjust. Oh,
okay.
78
00:04:48,410 --> 00:04:51,310
Be careful, careful, careful, careful.
79
00:04:51,311 --> 00:04:52,569
You okay?
80
00:04:52,570 --> 00:04:54,110
Yeah, just call me Grace. Okay.
81
00:04:54,790 --> 00:04:55,930
I'm Prince Tommy.
82
00:05:16,590 --> 00:05:17,640
Then I'm naked.
83
00:05:19,210 --> 00:05:20,790
Bad genitals. Bad.
84
00:05:21,970 --> 00:05:23,450
Bad. Hi.
85
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:25,460
Hey there.
86
00:05:26,290 --> 00:05:28,350
You... guy.
87
00:05:30,050 --> 00:05:31,490
You don't remember me?
88
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:37,489
No, no, no. I remember you. I just,
um... I remember you with way more
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00:05:37,490 --> 00:05:38,540
on.
90
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,790
You'll have to excuse me because I'm
going to throw up. Hold on.
91
00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:48,070
Are you okay, Billy?
92
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,550
Oh, yes.
93
00:05:49,980 --> 00:05:53,520
My culture of throwing up is a sign of
great happiness.
94
00:05:54,820 --> 00:05:56,020
What culture is that?
95
00:05:59,140 --> 00:06:01,600
Wow, you must be really happy.
96
00:06:09,100 --> 00:06:10,150
Care of the dog.
97
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:15,150
Billy, maybe you should slow down with
that stuff. It'll kill you.
98
00:06:15,460 --> 00:06:16,510
Maybe you're right.
99
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:22,609
Maybe I should get that lump on my face
checked out, but I'd rather die at 35
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00:06:22,610 --> 00:06:23,660
with a whole kit.
101
00:06:24,110 --> 00:06:28,729
I don't know you that well, but my
mother, she almost died of cirrhosis of
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00:06:28,730 --> 00:06:33,110
liver, but then she joined a 12 -step
group and she was sober for 15 years.
103
00:06:33,470 --> 00:06:34,810
And she's still sober?
104
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:39,130
Well, no, she died of cancer last May,
but she was sober all the way through.
105
00:06:39,490 --> 00:06:40,690
Except for the morphine.
106
00:06:41,030 --> 00:06:43,130
Look, I really appreciate the sentiment.
107
00:06:44,910 --> 00:06:45,960
Johnny?
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00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:50,289
Whatever. In any case, after what was
probably an embarrassing one -night
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stand... No, no, you weren't that
embarrassing.
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00:06:52,750 --> 00:06:56,429
And the throwing up. I mean, I think we
have to include that in the whole one
111
00:06:56,430 --> 00:06:57,630
-night stand floor show.
112
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That was bad.
113
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:04,550
Yeah, well, I just think my humiliation
quotient is used up for the day.
114
00:07:04,551 --> 00:07:07,869
Well, that's not the only way we could
spend some time together.
115
00:07:07,870 --> 00:07:10,969
Unfortunately, my mother is still alive,
and I've got to meet her in half an
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00:07:10,970 --> 00:07:14,910
hour, so... Well, I really like you.
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00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,740
Even with the vomiting and all.
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I've been your sick bastard, Johnny,
but... Okay. Thanks.
119
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:23,500
I'll see you later. Okay.
120
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:28,480
Bye. I love you. Are you going to slam
the door in my face? You can just do it.
121
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:47,780
Rough night?
122
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:53,010
Yes. My apartment was invaded by
terrorists.
123
00:07:53,011 --> 00:07:55,989
They seem to think they found the nerve
center of the city.
124
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:57,190
I hate when that happens.
125
00:07:58,230 --> 00:07:59,280
Dave.
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00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:00,690
Billy. Billy.
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00:08:01,030 --> 00:08:03,080
I don't see you around the building
much.
128
00:08:03,290 --> 00:08:04,950
I have a wraith -like quality.
129
00:08:04,951 --> 00:08:06,369
Uh -huh.
130
00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:10,009
Yes, and I would have said more of a,
like a Audrey Hepburn breakfast at
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00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,060
Tiffany's quality.
132
00:08:11,100 --> 00:08:14,260
I was going more for Lee Remick in Days
of Wine and Roses.
133
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:16,299
That would explain the bloodshot eyes.
134
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,100
Yeah. Actually, I have a cure for that.
135
00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:21,779
If you give me a call, I'll tell you all
about it. Well, this cure doesn't have
136
00:08:21,780 --> 00:08:25,660
anything to do with colonics, does it?
Because, uh, it's not my area.
137
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:27,860
You haven't met the right guy.
138
00:08:28,060 --> 00:08:29,110
Oh. No.
139
00:08:29,111 --> 00:08:30,359
It's addictions anonymous.
140
00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:31,410
Oh.
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00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,610
Spare me the effort of throwing this
out.
142
00:08:34,380 --> 00:08:36,370
Okay. If you change your mind, I'm in
601.
143
00:08:36,371 --> 00:08:40,699
You know, I would love to change my
mind, but they won't take it back.
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00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:42,120
Bye. Bye.
145
00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,340
Bye. Oh, darling.
146
00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:54,210
Hi, Mummy.
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00:08:54,740 --> 00:09:00,039
I'm so sorry your father and I had to
miss the intervention, darling. But he
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00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,540
to get his prostate checked, and I was
getting a bikini wax.
149
00:09:05,020 --> 00:09:06,070
Was it fun?
150
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,760
Well, out of the three of us...
151
00:09:09,390 --> 00:09:10,890
I think Daddy had the best time.
152
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:14,680
Gracias.
153
00:09:15,410 --> 00:09:17,520
Antonio, Irish coffee. Easy on the
coffee.
154
00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:23,249
I am going to a new agency, darling.
Well, I'm sure Tish told you all about
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00:09:23,250 --> 00:09:26,970
intervention. No, I never pay any
attention to your sister -in -law,
156
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:29,610
You know, she reminds me of a giant
vagina.
157
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:33,990
She just talks and talks and talks and
has lips.
158
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,990
Well, I didn't stay for it, Mother.
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00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:40,180
Really? A novel.
160
00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:45,480
Well, that's what I'll tell any of my
friends to do if they're intervened
161
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:49,780
Is that the right way to say it? I so
don't know. Well, you're the writer.
162
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,670
Inspiring. I mean, I haven't written
anything in months.
163
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:59,300
You see, dear, how original that you are
an aspiring writer who doesn't write,
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00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:01,320
and you have a drinking problem.
165
00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:06,160
Oh, you think I have a drinking problem?
Of course you do, sweetie.
166
00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:09,470
You're certainly not an alcoholic, are
you?
167
00:10:09,980 --> 00:10:13,899
Well, even if you were, you wouldn't
want to do anything rash like quitting
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00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,460
abruptly, would you, darling?
169
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,240
Antonia, more mass chardonnay, por
favor.
170
00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,190
Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean you
won't bite the heart?
171
00:10:23,820 --> 00:10:27,180
The name of the film is Zombie Heart
Eaters.
172
00:10:28,180 --> 00:10:30,540
You know what? Bite it or bite me.
173
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:35,090
You know, what's taking so long here?
Did you tell them Carl Surfer's here?
174
00:10:35,300 --> 00:10:36,350
No, I...
175
00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:41,140
He's in the middle of, let's call it an
audition.
176
00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:49,540
I think I know you.
177
00:10:49,541 --> 00:10:52,919
Oh, please don't say that. No, no, I do,
I do. I think I know you. I don't
178
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,420
remember where I was. I know you.
179
00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:58,279
Oh, dear Lord, please don't let me have
slept with this man. That would be a
180
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,140
very mean thing to have let me do, Lord.
181
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,600
You were on television.
182
00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:02,810
Oh. Right?
183
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:03,910
Yes.
184
00:11:04,250 --> 00:11:07,949
That's right. Yeah, you were on that
show. That show, the girl with the hair
185
00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:08,689
the nipples.
186
00:11:08,690 --> 00:11:10,810
She had the nipples that always stuck
out.
187
00:11:11,010 --> 00:11:13,030
Yes, we called her Nipple Girl.
188
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:18,250
Billy Frank from Emerald Bluff. Me, me,
me.
189
00:11:18,650 --> 00:11:23,749
Billy Frank. You know, you are marvelous
on that show. Just terrific. I watch
190
00:11:23,750 --> 00:11:25,170
you all the time with my mom.
191
00:11:25,570 --> 00:11:28,030
That's sad, Natalie.
192
00:11:29,830 --> 00:11:31,390
Love that girl with the nipples.
193
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:33,540
Really? Uh -huh.
194
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:35,170
I fucked her.
195
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:39,240
Oh, well, that's very nice.
196
00:11:39,540 --> 00:11:41,460
Lily, get in my office.
197
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:46,200
Hey. I'll probably have to fuck him now,
too.
198
00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:49,600
It'll never happen again.
199
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:50,930
Okay, goodbye.
200
00:11:51,620 --> 00:11:54,980
I'm just on the phone with Eric
Estrada's agent.
201
00:11:55,220 --> 00:11:59,180
I mean, how in the world can you yell at
Eric Estrada like that?
202
00:11:59,380 --> 00:12:00,820
Barb, he won't bite the heart.
203
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:04,260
You're the receptionist. He is a major
star.
204
00:12:04,860 --> 00:12:10,419
Oh, Eric Estrada is not a major star.
Hey, time out. He is playing the lead
205
00:12:10,420 --> 00:12:14,380
zombie heart eater in this production.
As far as I'm concerned, in this
206
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,180
he is as big as Mel.
207
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:19,580
Gibson? No, Torme. Of course, Gibson.
208
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,380
Oh, come on, come on.
209
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:26,840
Well, somebody out there is running
around with boobs akimbo.
210
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:34,310
Oddly enough, that's her stage name. Oh,
Jesus Christ, you reek.
211
00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:37,350
What? No, no, no, not your pits.
212
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:39,190
You stink of booze.
213
00:12:39,670 --> 00:12:42,260
Wow, it's like you went down the entire
Napa Valley.
214
00:12:42,770 --> 00:12:43,820
Well,
215
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,560
that still doesn't make Eric Estrada a
star.
216
00:12:46,561 --> 00:12:49,969
You know, really, Billy, I've tried to
ignore your drinking problem because I
217
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,230
really feel sorry for you.
218
00:12:51,470 --> 00:12:54,830
And your tits are so nice, but it's just
not working anymore.
219
00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:56,780
Harp.
220
00:12:58,540 --> 00:13:00,220
What if I wore a little cut blouse?
221
00:13:00,221 --> 00:13:01,299
Yeah, do that.
222
00:13:01,300 --> 00:13:02,350
Okay, I will.
223
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,120
Hey, I'll go get the scissors.
224
00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:05,830
Okay.
225
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,070
Harv.
226
00:13:10,440 --> 00:13:14,460
I forgot to tell you there was this guy
waiting out here for like an hour, Carl.
227
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,020
Sir? Yeah.
228
00:13:16,420 --> 00:13:21,659
Jesus Christ, I told you about him. For
crying out loud, he wants to invest in
229
00:13:21,660 --> 00:13:22,710
my next flick.
230
00:13:22,711 --> 00:13:26,319
What are you thinking? Keeping him
waiting? Don't you know how to conduct
231
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,940
yourself in a place of business?
232
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:32,360
Hand me my belt, please. Jesus Christ.
Look, please don't fire me. I'm...
233
00:13:32,361 --> 00:13:35,779
Don't fire me. I'm not going to fire
you. I just want to banish you from my
234
00:13:35,780 --> 00:13:37,380
sight for the rest of the day.
235
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:41,719
No, no, no. Look, except for the fact
that I want to sleep with you. I think
236
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:42,659
you as a daughter.
237
00:13:42,660 --> 00:13:43,900
Well, we're like family.
238
00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:45,970
And yet not.
239
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,150
Come here, baby.
240
00:13:47,980 --> 00:13:49,030
Oh, wow.
241
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,050
Oh,
242
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,640
Harv. I'm sorry. I'm starting to enjoy
this.
243
00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,620
Okay. Take back the banishment. Thanks,
Harv. Okay.
244
00:13:58,820 --> 00:14:00,020
Look, I'm really sorry.
245
00:14:00,220 --> 00:14:02,930
I'm going to find Carl and I'm going to
fix this, okay?
246
00:14:03,020 --> 00:14:08,300
I am. Okay. And you know what? I am
never going to have another drink again.
247
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,080
Okay. Thanks, Harv.
248
00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:18,539
I'm going back one day Come what may to
Blue
249
00:14:18,540 --> 00:14:21,640
Bayou Whoa!
250
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:23,590
Hello.
251
00:14:35,251 --> 00:14:37,279
James Mason.
252
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:38,330
Oh, my God.
253
00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:39,890
Jesus Christ.
254
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,140
Oh, crap.
255
00:14:41,141 --> 00:14:42,959
Naked again.
256
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:44,940
I can't take you anywhere.
257
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:50,460
Sugar Lips. I like you much more than
Nipple Girl. No, no, no. Carl, stop.
258
00:14:51,020 --> 00:14:52,600
Carl. Carl, stop.
259
00:14:52,940 --> 00:14:54,360
Oh, I like this game.
260
00:14:54,620 --> 00:14:57,510
Look, I'm sorry, Carl, if I gave you the
wrong impression.
261
00:14:57,511 --> 00:14:58,239
What do you mean?
262
00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,139
Well, I'm sorry if I gave you the
impression that I like you.
263
00:15:01,140 --> 00:15:04,019
Well, fellatio is generally regarded as
a show of affection.
264
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:05,070
Oh, my God.
265
00:15:05,870 --> 00:15:06,920
Oh, my God.
266
00:15:07,690 --> 00:15:09,270
You gave him head?
267
00:15:09,810 --> 00:15:11,920
You don't even do that for people you
like.
268
00:15:12,350 --> 00:15:14,210
Shame on you. Shame on you.
269
00:15:14,470 --> 00:15:15,520
Billy. God.
270
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:19,360
Billy, if you're concerned about how
your boss is going to feel about this.
271
00:15:21,350 --> 00:15:22,400
Crap, crap, crap.
272
00:15:25,470 --> 00:15:30,889
Carl, what if I told you I was really
drunk last night and the only reason I
273
00:15:30,890 --> 00:15:34,890
slept with you is because, well, I don't
know why I slept with you, but...
274
00:15:34,891 --> 00:15:36,739
It's never going to happen again.
275
00:15:36,740 --> 00:15:39,810
I'd have to tell your boss I'm not going
to invest in his movie.
276
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:43,340
Carl, please don't do that. I will lose
my job.
277
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:47,040
Well, maybe we could discuss it. Say
tonight, 8 o 'clock.
278
00:15:47,041 --> 00:15:51,819
And it doesn't bother you that, you
know, you might be coercing me into
279
00:15:51,820 --> 00:15:54,860
sex with you? I mean, Carl, you deserve
better than that.
280
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:56,450
No, I don't.
281
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:03,700
So, okay, so you'll be here at 8. Uh
-huh. What should I wear? Your
282
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:05,300
A pair of heels.
283
00:16:05,350 --> 00:16:06,400
See ya.
284
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:11,770
Well, I mean, I've always wondered if I
could be a hooker, and apparently, yes,
285
00:16:12,010 --> 00:16:13,060
I can.
286
00:16:16,010 --> 00:16:17,490
Don't you want some...
287
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:44,240
I'm not even a front pooper!
288
00:17:16,750 --> 00:17:17,800
You look good.
289
00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:19,750
You want to be my bitch?
290
00:17:21,310 --> 00:17:22,390
It's very flattering.
291
00:17:23,190 --> 00:17:25,730
I mean, is it a good thing to be your
bitch?
292
00:17:26,530 --> 00:17:29,180
Do you have a previous bitch that I
could interview?
293
00:17:29,430 --> 00:17:32,850
Calm down. I'm just asking. I just
killed a fire hydrant.
294
00:17:33,510 --> 00:17:37,929
If that fire hydrant had been a kid and
I'd have killed a kid, I bet I'd have to
295
00:17:37,930 --> 00:17:39,450
beg you to let me be your bitch.
296
00:17:39,950 --> 00:17:43,410
You know, bitch, it's just a figure of
speech.
297
00:17:43,710 --> 00:17:45,090
It's not a...
298
00:17:47,330 --> 00:17:49,490
Hey. Wait a second.
299
00:17:49,850 --> 00:17:51,650
What? I know you.
300
00:17:52,310 --> 00:17:57,709
Oh, my God! You played Diana Gateway on
Emerald Block! Yeah, that's right! Diana
301
00:17:57,710 --> 00:17:59,270
Gateway's in jail, baby!
302
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:00,780
All right!
303
00:18:00,790 --> 00:18:02,950
My bitch is a TV star!
304
00:18:06,050 --> 00:18:07,510
Oh, thank God.
305
00:18:11,330 --> 00:18:12,570
Thanks for coming.
306
00:18:15,060 --> 00:18:16,740
Nice digs you got here, baby. Yeah.
307
00:18:16,741 --> 00:18:20,439
I like it so much, I'm thinking of
putting my toilet in the middle of my
308
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:21,490
room.
309
00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:25,550
Carl's taking his money out of the
picture.
310
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:27,030
Oh, I'm sorry.
311
00:18:28,540 --> 00:18:31,680
Well, tomorrow always is another day.
312
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:37,500
It'll be the... Oh, man, I hate to do
this, but I gotta fire you.
313
00:18:39,380 --> 00:18:40,430
Come on, look.
314
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:42,060
We'll get you stuff, huh?
315
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,020
I'll give you a drive home.
316
00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,690
Harve. Harve. Oh, sorry, babe.
317
00:18:51,090 --> 00:18:52,140
Habits.
318
00:18:54,330 --> 00:18:55,950
Boy, I'm going to miss that, huh?
319
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,060
So am I.
320
00:18:58,310 --> 00:18:59,810
Hey, Billy, do they validate?
321
00:19:01,830 --> 00:19:06,489
And tonight on the Whatever Happened To
file, Billy Frank was arrested yesterday
322
00:19:06,490 --> 00:19:07,850
for drunk driving.
323
00:19:08,210 --> 00:19:13,070
Remember her? She was one of the stars
of the hit nighttime soap Emerald Bluff.
324
00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:16,330
Here's our interview of the teen queen
back in 1986.
325
00:19:16,670 --> 00:19:19,910
And we're not bluffing when we say she
was toasted.
326
00:19:20,870 --> 00:19:26,449
Billy, as one of the most popular teens
on television, do you consider yourself
327
00:19:26,450 --> 00:19:27,770
a role model?
328
00:19:28,230 --> 00:19:29,280
Oh, absolutely.
329
00:19:29,690 --> 00:19:35,689
As a junior ambassador to our first lady
Nancy Reagan's Just Say No program, I
330
00:19:35,690 --> 00:19:37,930
would never do anything to harm my body.
331
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:39,790
I think of it as a dimple.
332
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:42,080
A dimple?
333
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:46,410
Dimple? Your body the dimple? No, no,
no.
334
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:49,410
Hemple. I think a dimple.
335
00:19:50,130 --> 00:19:51,180
Are you high?
336
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,790
I beg your pardon? I'm kidding.
337
00:20:00,830 --> 00:20:01,880
Hello.
338
00:20:01,930 --> 00:20:03,470
Darling, you're on TV.
339
00:20:04,330 --> 00:20:05,650
Really? I had no idea.
340
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:10,149
So the court is making you go to your
first alcoholics meeting tomorrow. What
341
00:20:10,150 --> 00:20:11,230
are you going to wear?
342
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,899
I thought I'd go with taupe. Oh,
darling, do you think that's smart with
343
00:20:15,900 --> 00:20:19,219
complexion? Mm -hmm. It's what they
recommend in Glamour. They have this
344
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:24,840
alcoholic stews and don't spread less
one. They think of everything. And
345
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:29,560
darling, be sure to take this whole 12
-step stuff with a grain of salt.
346
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:34,820
I hear it's very time -consuming, like
Scientology, but with uglier building.
347
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,560
Yes, and less famous celebrities.
348
00:20:37,980 --> 00:20:39,780
Yes, darling, so you'll fit right in.
349
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:42,540
Thank you, Mommy.
350
00:20:50,610 --> 00:20:51,810
Hi. Hi.
351
00:20:52,390 --> 00:20:53,470
You're Billy, right?
352
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,730
The girl that lives in Dave's building?
353
00:20:56,370 --> 00:20:57,750
Why? Does she owe him money?
354
00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:58,980
No, Billy.
355
00:20:59,470 --> 00:21:02,270
I'm Jackie, and I just wanted to say hi.
356
00:21:02,670 --> 00:21:03,990
So, hi.
357
00:21:04,790 --> 00:21:05,840
Hi.
358
00:21:06,710 --> 00:21:08,390
We're going to be neighbors soon.
359
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,430
I'm moving in with Dave next week.
360
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:15,399
Oh, well, then congratulations. You'll
be one of the many people I avoid in the
361
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,510
hallway. Well, you won't be able to do
that.
362
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:22,580
I just wanted to say, welcome to
Addictions Anonymous.
363
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:27,620
Oh, well, I thought I'd stumbled into
Club Med.
364
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,899
I know exactly how you feel. Well, and
you would know that I feel like hitting
365
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:38,319
you. God, I'm so stupid. You know, I was
coming on way too strong, and you, you
366
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,370
picked up on that.
367
00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:40,850
You know, you're great.
368
00:21:41,770 --> 00:21:45,589
You should hit me. I mean, I wish you
would hit me. Well, you're wanting me to
369
00:21:45,590 --> 00:21:47,330
sort of takes the fun right out of it.
370
00:21:47,530 --> 00:21:51,669
God, I can't make you happy. I totally
messed up this whole trying to help you
371
00:21:51,670 --> 00:21:55,029
thing. You know, my sponsor tells me to
reach out, so I reach out. No, wait,
372
00:21:55,030 --> 00:21:58,769
look, okay, you've reached me. No,
really. I mean, you're sweet and you're
373
00:21:58,770 --> 00:22:03,070
and friendly, and I'm just being
obnoxious because I am.
374
00:22:04,350 --> 00:22:05,750
Do you feel bad about that?
375
00:22:06,310 --> 00:22:07,910
No, no, don't feel bad.
376
00:22:09,050 --> 00:22:11,630
I mean, we're all obnoxious in the
beginning.
377
00:22:12,450 --> 00:22:18,749
You know, at my first meeting, I poured
coffee on a deaf guy because he wouldn't
378
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:19,800
answer me.
379
00:22:20,090 --> 00:22:21,370
I didn't know he was deaf.
380
00:22:21,930 --> 00:22:25,060
I just thought he was making these
threatening hand gestures.
381
00:22:25,550 --> 00:22:29,590
But I've been in the program for ten
years. I should be able to handle
382
00:22:29,970 --> 00:22:32,380
I can't believe you've been sober for
ten years.
383
00:22:32,810 --> 00:22:36,670
Well, ten days this time.
384
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,200
I just got out of the rehab again.
385
00:22:39,580 --> 00:22:41,420
God, I love that rehab pudding.
386
00:22:43,260 --> 00:22:44,440
Here's my pager number.
387
00:22:44,940 --> 00:22:47,020
Call me before you start drinking.
388
00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:51,140
And I would do that because... I may go
with you.
389
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:53,400
God, I'm so depressed.
390
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:56,350
Billy.
391
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:57,550
Right? Hey!
392
00:22:57,580 --> 00:22:58,630
Hey! Hey!
393
00:23:01,030 --> 00:23:04,929
Cop with the haze. Hey, God, I can't
believe you made it here. What is it
394
00:23:04,930 --> 00:23:06,130
you people and hugging?
395
00:23:06,190 --> 00:23:07,570
No, I'm copping a few.
396
00:23:08,090 --> 00:23:09,530
Really? Yeah.
397
00:23:09,830 --> 00:23:11,450
Would you move from side to side?
398
00:23:11,710 --> 00:23:13,490
I want to cop a few, too.
399
00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:15,550
Yeah, it's all right. She's a lesbian.
400
00:23:15,650 --> 00:23:17,350
Oh, your breasts are great.
401
00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:19,410
They're really perky and high up.
402
00:23:19,630 --> 00:23:22,790
Now you know Jackie. No, I don't know
Jackie. I barely know you.
403
00:23:23,010 --> 00:23:24,060
Oh, who cares?
404
00:23:24,330 --> 00:23:26,450
Coffee. Coffee. I hate coffee.
405
00:23:26,910 --> 00:23:27,960
Sit down.
406
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:34,340
It's been such a long time. I'm so glad
you made it here.
407
00:23:34,341 --> 00:23:35,699
You guys know each other?
408
00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:37,580
We were on Fantasy Island together.
409
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:39,320
Our fantasy was to be black.
410
00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:42,820
Whatever happened with Ricardo
Montalban?
411
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:44,900
Does anybody really know?
412
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,160
You were so awful on this show.
413
00:23:49,380 --> 00:23:52,480
Girl, let me... My card.
414
00:23:52,820 --> 00:23:53,960
You call me anytime.
415
00:23:54,540 --> 00:23:55,590
Oh, yes.
416
00:23:55,940 --> 00:23:59,480
I mean, I always call people who tell me
I'm awful.
417
00:24:02,350 --> 00:24:03,400
on Fantasy Island?
418
00:24:03,990 --> 00:24:05,040
Oh.
419
00:24:05,310 --> 00:24:08,260
Blackouts. Yeah. One time I came out of
a blackout in Tijuana.
420
00:24:08,670 --> 00:24:10,780
There I am in bed with a hooker and a
donkey.
421
00:24:10,950 --> 00:24:15,090
The hooker was pissed, the donkey
confused, and I had a sombrero on my
422
00:24:15,690 --> 00:24:17,190
Is there a point to this story?
423
00:24:17,450 --> 00:24:22,750
Yeah, the point is that I understand how
you feel. Well, I feel like a jerk.
424
00:24:23,130 --> 00:24:24,180
Oh, yeah.
425
00:24:24,370 --> 00:24:25,420
So do I.
426
00:24:25,570 --> 00:24:27,050
I just don't act on it.
427
00:24:27,950 --> 00:24:29,000
And...
428
00:24:30,300 --> 00:24:31,350
Yeah. Yeah.
429
00:24:31,351 --> 00:24:34,519
Basically, pretty much, that's it. You
know, it's like the other day I was out
430
00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,600
with my sister, okay?
431
00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:40,200
And I thought to myself, I wonder what
it would be like to fuck her.
432
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,300
But I didn't act on it.
433
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,080
Oh. You see?
434
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:49,360
I don't think that's such a big
accomplishment, Dave. No, see, for him,
435
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,290
You haven't seen my sister. Yeah, she's
a hottie.
436
00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:53,530
Fine.
437
00:24:53,820 --> 00:24:54,870
Meeting time!
438
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,690
going to take a long time. Not really,
just the rest of your life.
439
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,580
Oh, well, then I guess I'm going to miss
happy hour.
440
00:25:03,020 --> 00:25:05,340
What did get you here, anyway?
441
00:25:05,740 --> 00:25:08,140
A fire hydrant ran into my car.
442
00:25:08,380 --> 00:25:09,430
Oh.
443
00:25:10,140 --> 00:25:11,460
Is that so hard to believe?
444
00:25:11,760 --> 00:25:14,680
Absolutely not. A pack of girl shots ran
into mine.
445
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:16,420
I was looking up their skirts.
446
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:28,299
Although that is my favorite part of the
meeting. But if there's anyone with 30
447
00:25:28,300 --> 00:25:31,380
days or less sobriety, we'd like you to
identify yourselves.
448
00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:39,700
Hi, my name's Jeff, and I'm an
alcoholic.
449
00:25:40,180 --> 00:25:41,230
Hi, Jeff.
450
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,540
I'm Jackie, and I'm an addict.
451
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,130
Hi, Jackie.
452
00:25:46,540 --> 00:25:49,340
Hi, I'm Billy, and I was sent by the
court.
453
00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:53,440
So the important thing is...
454
00:25:53,660 --> 00:25:54,920
I've taken the first step.
455
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:05,170
Darling, you've made it through your
first alcoholics meeting.
456
00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:07,300
I am so proud of you.
457
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:09,500
Here's a toast to you, darling.
458
00:26:09,860 --> 00:26:11,120
Cheers. Chin chin.
459
00:26:11,121 --> 00:26:14,919
Bottoms up. Well, you'd know all about
that, wouldn't you, darling?
460
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:16,680
Okay, so it wasn't a step forward.
461
00:26:16,900 --> 00:26:18,580
So who says you have to go forward?
462
00:26:18,940 --> 00:26:20,020
Get off my back.
463
00:26:20,070 --> 00:26:24,620
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