Original subtitles

Wallens! What are you waiting on? A trail of rose petals, princess?

Let's go! We got a game to win!

Get your head out of here!

Quickly come and go!

I'm big!

I'll take me with you for all that jazz, the NFL, to a giant mansion with a

giant pool that has a fat hot tub that's connected to this giant pool so I can

swim from hot to cold whenever I want.

Yes.

Crazy.

It holds ten songs.

I put all my favorites on it.

Let us change your life, kid.

Our little secret.

We can move across the whole country.

I only have Peacebrook twice, please.

Once for a game in Wigglesburg, and then once in Wigglesburg by accident.

Where?

I should probably mark Wigglesburg better.

Son, let me tell you a little story about the Beatles.

They played about 250 shows, and all this little shit was in and around the

of Hamburg.

And you know how they became?

The biggest band in the world.

In fact, they left him.

Hey,

why don't you go dance with Ted Kim?

Are you serious?

Yeah. Feel free.

American needs a tradition.

Behold the ancient one.

Jane Morrison said I've had more holes filled in her grandpa's bowling ball.

Take me home. Yeah.

I always do that because, um, you know, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a

little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little, I'm a little,

I'm a little, I'm a little,

himself together on this drive. He will need this W against Middlesburg.

And break.

Oh, awful!

Wallace is trembling.

that we're not fighting could it be that we have been this way before

a unique structure that's been apart from other single -celled organisms.

Hello, my old friend.

Living in the past, Hank?

You were a bright kid, even if you didn't apply yourself.

I bet there's a lot more you could offer Eastbrook High.

your preconceptions about bacterial reproduction because most of it's

which you know you kids should all be you know until true love or whatever

um and use protection okay

let's see what kind of nasty bugs live in our mouths we just need everybody to

spit in that's what your mom said hey come on guys phone's away

Mr. Wallace?

Yeah, Grace?

What's on our phones is important.

Why aren't we talking about the egg?

Okay, great.

Let's talk about the egg.

There's no origin story for egg.

Didn't watch it arrive on a meteor or sneak from a government lab.

It's just here.

First, we hardly noticed.

But each day, year by year, it kept growing.

Doesn't move, at least we don't think.

It's stationary as a plant, growing, spreading slowly.

It's omnipresent, but not bothersome enough that cars can't drive down the

street. People can't go about their usual routines.

Most boats use to ignore the vehicle together, hoping it just goes away.

Especially with room of swirling that's starting to attack.

All right.

Bring up computer technicians on the desk, please.

Have a good day.

Agreed.

How's your mom?

Fine, Mr. Wallace.

That's good.

That's good.

How's your mom?

Dead.

Despite protests by the school safety officer, this year's prompt theme is

millennial. Get in the problematic spirit by only convincing the 2000s

Did you see Charlie's TikTok about how the egg is scary gluten?

What's gluten?

Check it out, Jasmine.

Straight up video of the asteroid that brought the egg. That's the scene from

the movie Armageddon. We have to take this problem seriously, not turn it into

meme. Look.

The ick is just frankenfoo GMOs that feed from Monsanto Lab.

That's why I only eat organic.

Bro!

Cultural appropriate much?

I'm a 64th Cherokee with receipts, and I'm telling you, J. Guava wouldn't

approve of your capitalistic colonial mindset, son.

Come on.

Almost lost my appetite.

This bookmaking reminds us all to avoid the growth of the ick in the Western...

will not be tolerated.

Will ick affect the primary? We're joined now by our political panel.

the ick disproportionately affects black and brown voters. Well, I heard the ick

started in China.

Bad eating weirdos.

Maybe the government will send a team to help clean it up.

Well, we're definitely not getting any help from people.

Hola, Mr. Hunt.

Hola, Senora Diaz.

Mi abuela.

She's, um, how do you say bruja? Your grandma likes to make beer?

It's coming from the ick worshipping leftist couple. You kidding me?

Bruja is a witch. Mi abuela bruja says the ick is the ick from the god. You're

all in for another one.

The ick won't save us until we have it.

It's vicious.

Are you scared of my boots?

No, I wasn't. That is so inappropriate.

You're a stranger.

You're kidding me again.

The ick does not move, mi amor.

Well, I know what I saw.

On the American border, it's government overreach. Well, you're right,

especially when the data is clear that vitamin D is an effective... Oh, my God,

I'm pregnant.

Have some class, you piece of shit.

Well,

Griffin, if he takes you to prom, you'll let him play with your boots.

Okay. Wait, what? No. You want to spend another summer doing steampunk cosplay

at the Ren Faire? How are we friends?

Hi.

Hey.

You should have drawn.

Wow, that's really good.

What kind of monkey is that?

Uh, it's a regular monkey.

Huh.

I'll let you play with my...

That's racist.

Attaboy.

I'm bored.

Is the egg gonna do anything?

It's been here, like, two months.

Jocelyn, the egg's been here for years.

Huh. I guess I just never really noticed what it's doing here. What's anything

doing here?

Don't suck.

Hey!

You girls smoking? No.

I wrote a new poem, Industrial Love Sink, number three.

Going for that Ginsburg vibe.

I mean, it's what I was.

We're on, like, 13 seconds, so I don't, like, care or anything.

But I'll probably minor a poetry when I get to Oval next year.

I'm not going.

Hey, what, you're going to get off the wait list? A wait list is a slow motion

swipe left of college admissions.

I'm not leaving Eastbrook. I'm staying here.

Just want to... Girl fat and old eating bill -beated sandwiches like the rest of

the proletariat. She'll pay off with my parents.

Hank, heaven knows I hate to jinx a sale, but doesn't it seem kind of stupid

a young lady to buy these eggs off?

Honey. He's smarter than you look.

Thanks.

Thanks. Do you guys think the egg is in the plumbing and we're all drinking it?

Probably. Congratulations.

Thanks. Cool.

Thank you. Are we done? Can we go home now? Don't be rude.

Grace has been down in the dumps ever since she got weightless to that

Thanks, Dad.

Tell the world what a loser I am. There is no shame here.

As an Asian American, Grace had to score 150 points higher on the SAT than her

Caucasian counterpart.

Just to be considered for the same Ivy League. Now she wants to skip college

entirely. Yes, Ferris. Tell me more about me.

Delaying life never really works out.

That's why we see the dentist every six months.

Sage wisdom from your totes fave teach.

Mrs. Brown is my totes fave teach. Mrs. Brown has swinging gums. Grace is a

Capricorn. January 10th, she hates unmet goals. January? No, Grace is born in

February. Grace?

Grace, are you not applying?

Don't tell Ted.

We're closed.

December. November.

October. Fish.

Mercury. Rice.

Carved. Chinese.

MSG. All Asian food will kill you, hon. Or Asian. Done.

I don't think so.

I don't think that Asian food is so bad.

You know?

Reddit.

Shoot, well, you never know.

So I said to the salesman, this doesn't look like Mojave Ivory Metallic to me.

And he said, Ted, you've got a real nose for detail.

This is Iridium Ivory Metallic. And since we filed up and sold the Mojave

Metallic to a poke dealer in Wickelsburg, you can have the Iridium

Metallic intended for him with full bulletproof UV protected windows.

And no extra charge.

Louis Vuitton pepper spray.

For you to send off handsy college boys.

Oh, please, don't get me into it. Think about what you're saying for just one

goddamn second, Mom.

Great. Wouldn't you agree you need to invest in your future? Sweetheart, Dr.

Kirk asked you to stop lecturing in the form of a question. Darling, do you

recall Dr.

Kirk asking you to recognize my need to process information?

My way?

That's wonderful, dear.

It's delightful having an expert's opinion on your compulsive need for

toys. Angel, Dr. Kirk says my desire for beautiful things is

natural and healthy.

Oh, well, I hope your car doesn't turn into a pumpkin.

Jesus!

Stop nice fighting.

Who cares about tans and luxury cars? There's a monster on the lawn.

Monster swing?

Ha ha ha!

Fascinating, Captain.

All right, Hank.

Go time.

Live from NYC, the East Challenge.

What the hell? Despite the viral TikTok trend sweeping America, school health

officials ask you to do not lick the ick. And for the love of God, do not

the ick.

This is what we in the industry call a kick -ass letter of recommendation from

your toad sex -babe teach.

I'm supposed to enjoy this.

Grace, no, it's a, it's a, it helps you get off the wait list.

My parents must be super desperate to talk you into this.

Grayson, you know the Beatles, right? The Beatles?

The Beatles spent three years in Hamburg, okay?

But do you know how they became the best band in the world? They had a unique

dual songwriting team in Lennon and McCartney that accepted constructive

criticism resulting in albums with few fillers alongside innovative marketing

with concept albums and music videos.

That's good.

Grayson, you have so much potential.

That's the polite way of saying I'm not good enough the way I am.

Y 'all do.

You're old.

The participants for the non -binary rally for Haiti and the Kill Oak Rumors

bake sale must stay 50 yards away from each other. Ranger in my place tonight.

Big roast behind booze. Pass it on.

Hey. You know, Sophia, I've been practicing my Spanish.

And, uh, maybe you might tutor me. Paquito.

Paquito.

Quiero montar esta noche.

And Mikuri.

Lucio! Do you use those filthy words to seduce Red King?

Oh, yeah.

Cochin! Cochin!

Cochin!

I know you're still alive.

Okay, long time friend, but uh, bar's not even open yet.

I'm gonna call you doctor, alright?

Drink deep this nectar of the dogs. Fear not the plague. Use a rubber.

Bro, you gotta tell me which of these bitches are legal.

Sarah Q, Ashley P, Pia, Tara, Mackenzie G, Mackenzie F, Tori, Zoe, Amber,

Kelsey.

Why does Mr. Wallace even give a shit anyway?

Who does he think he is?

Maybe she's had enough.

I'm fine.

Why don't you go find Heather? She's madly in love with you.

Don't be a slob.

Hey, guys.

Guys.

Hey, Wallace.

Ah, man. Guys, you won't believe it. I can't even explain it. There was a crash

and a man.

What the heck? What the heck?

What the heck is wrong?

Hey, why don't you take a ride with us? We're about to bust up a high school

kicker at the Hobart boys' house.

Steal their beer.

Party like we're 18 again.

We even brought an old friend.

B .O.

The ancient one.

Oh, well,

we did have fun back in the day, boys, but I'm going to have to say that I'm a

little too old for that these days.

And you know, just saying this as a friend, sometimes you got to admit when

have a problem.

I'm afraid we cannot allow you to be such a wet blanket. The old Hank Wallace

was a dope bro.

What's with all this wee, wee, wee, wee, wee? He never turned down the

opportunity to get turned up.

Not a lot of the old Hank left these days, boys.

But we've got a big surprise for you, Hanky.

And that's for your house.

Thank you for watching!

Pretty sure you dicks are possessed. Possessed is an ugly word for such a

beautiful experience.

The X's are valued. We were chosen for those it does not value.

It consumes.

It's overwhelming and...

numbing at the same time.

Yeah.

That's why we gotta leave Eastbrook.

Eastbrook? No.

I'm talking about the ick.

I think the ick is watching us.

Did you see Celeste is rocking cornrows on Insta?

Someone has to stop her.

Isn't a joke, Dylan.

No. It isn't, Grace.

Cultural colonialism is literal violence.

The ick never stole the hair of my people.

I'm gonna go make the rounds.

Listen to me. The cops are coming to break up the party at Hobart. If you're

there, you need to leave now.

Hey, you're in danger. And in case I never see you again, I need you to know

that I... I might be your dad.

Hey, oh, we had sex that one time, and trust me, you ain't nobody's dad, okay?

Didn't you say you were moving to camp? This is not... This is gross.

Yeah, this is not a good time. I gotta go. I'm in here.

Thanks for saying you liked my monkey.

Your regular monkey?

All right Dorothy, turn right behind you.

They get killing people and eating them alive.

Everyone has to get to safety.

Mr. Wallace, I know a man who could use a beer when I see one. God damn it.

You kids all want to be zombies?

And not the cool, sexy kind like in Harry Potter?

Take it rolling, thug.

I'm talking the demonic, soulless type.

Great, great.

Get out of here. We gotta go. What the hell?

Herbie meant to offer.

Look, Dylan, I don't expect you to understand.

I just have to get her out of here at some grace. Oh, I get it.

Screwed the mom, now you gotta screw the daughter.

That's some real Freudian noise.

Weird old damn.

Hey, don't be ableist.

Okay. Look, just because you threw a ball a billion years ago doesn't make

special. I can throw a ball, and when I'm gone, someone else will throw a

Nothing means nothing.

Grace, please.

Get lost, loser.

Get lost, loser. Get lost, loser.

Get lost, loser.

I'll boo it right when it was just getting good.

That's gotta hurt.

I think the way Jason

talks to you is totally misogynistic.

I mean, calling you a hoe.

Personally, I don't see gender, but if I did, I would worship women.

That doesn't make any sense.

Gender binary doesn't make sense, baby.

I don't need to do all the patriarchy to keep women oppressed and survive.

Now let's get involved.

I'm gonna bang a teenager, stud.

How much are you going to miss all these knuckleheads after you graduate?

Well, my favorite French modernist, my fellow shard, said,

we give each other memories when we leave each other.

Yeah, I have no idea what you just said.

And that is why you are the coolest girl in Eastbrook.

I'm not falling for that again. I think I'm going to Picklesburg next weekend.

I've never been.

It's a Capuchin.

What? My regular monkey.

Called Capuchin.

I like that.

Ew, are you eating dairy again?

That wasn't me.

W, is someone watching you tinkle?

Listen up, scum -suck.

Exposing pedos is extremely un -

I'm sorry I called you a hoe.

Thank you.

And secure the mayor. Get those kids someplace safe.

Instead of command center.

Hey, what's the most important location in this town?

Thank you all for being here.

My name is Dr. Althea Prentiss.

and I am in charge of the federal response in this state. Now, the

spoken to your mayor, and we have been ordered out of Eastbrook to our main

mission. We are not abandoning Eastbrook. I'm leaving behind a

fortify this building.

I suggest that you stay inside there.

You cannot help me if you go out there. Thank you.

What could be more important than the taxpayers of Eastbrook?

We're headed to Wickelsburg to protect your hydroelectric dam.

Wickelsburg. Here's what we know so far.

After decades in stasis, the intracellular hypoplasm known as ICK has

reached its kinetic phase.

How long will that last? We don't know for certain, but we are estimating

four to eight years.

So please, people, listen to me, listen to me. The government cannot save you

right now, okay? We simply do not have the resources, not without raising

Big government socialism.

Now, come on, coach.

You kind of scored $5 ,000 to give me a jacuzzi in the boys' locker room.

Oh, so football is socialism now, Hank?

You make me sick. People, listen to me, okay?

Barricade your doors and your windows, okay?

Stop with your things and your drain.

Because I say, please, again, do not go outside.

Our kids can still go to prom tomorrow.

Right? Yeah, you should definitely cancel prom.

My daughter is going to be prom queen.

How dare you try to take that away from us? Ma 'am, I am not trying to take

anything away from anybody.

I only get the news. You created the news. News information.

You didn't die last night.

False flags.

Classist actors.

Ted Kim. Kim Real Estate. If I may.

What? I think we're all on the same page here, Doctor.

Each rookie needs our lives to proceed as normal.

Otherwise, the Earth wins.

Wouldn't you agree, Doctor Prince?

No.

Well, I'm sure we agree that's just your opinion.

And wouldn't you also agree that we are entitled to our opinions?

Average Joe like me can step up and have his ideas are respected as equal to an

expert. That's what makes the country really super.

Listen up, you dudes.

You've got to take responsibility for your country.

Shit. If they wanted to build a mock, they'd take it seriously.

Oh, uh, Dr. Brendan, please wait.

You're absolutely right about the dangers of the egg. I've experienced

firsthand. I'm Hank Wallace, a science teacher here in Eastbrook. I have a

theory about the ick.

Please. You're right about the ick going through a new stage of growth.

But it's also going through a stage of active cellular respiration. However, it

still maintains a stage of photosynthesis, meaning it still has to

That is how we kill the ick.

See, because it's eukaryote, and it collects UV light, converts it into

energy.

But it can't convert and collect at the same time.

That's why it only grows in the dark, outside and inside.

For UV light, UV light, man, stops dead in its tracks.

Wow. Yeah.

Hold that thought. Okay.

Phone. Hello,

Mr. President.

Yes,

Eastbrook. High school science teacher. Hey, Wallace.

Has presented the precise breakthrough we need to win this whole damn war.

UV light, sir.

No, no one has considered it before.

All right.

You think he deserves a Nobel Prize?

Well, please, sir, transfer me to the King of Sweden.

You can stop now. Hello?

Is this Carl Gustav, King of Sweden and presenter of Nobel Prizes? I'll just go.

Sir, what do you mean there's no Nobel Prize for super obvious shit we figured

out from day one?

We know about the UV light dipshit.

It's a goddamn plant.

Unfortunately, due to our supply chain, we have a limited quantity of both.

And all of our surplus has been shibboleth.

Nichols, turn.

What the globalists don't want you to know is that eating it gives men extreme

sexual... You will gain technical power!

Move it to your right now. You've got to take a look at it.

We're skipping the vaccine. The egg boosts all of our immune systems by

releasing positive gut probiotics or whatever into the air.

I think I got it on my shoe.

Okay.

I know what you want me to say.

Hank, you're an alcoholic.

What the hell are you doing opening a bar?

On the contrary, Hank.

We want you to do whatever makes you happy.

Live a little. Let go.

Surrender to a higher power.

Come.

Never crave alcohol again.

No peace.

No bliss.

Suck it up on me.

Sucker. No, thanks.

You go ahead.

This one was way too bright today.

I've been thinking, babe. I support your decision to stay in Eastbrook.

This is a...

Wonderful town.

What's gotten into you?

One way up in the backseat.

Don't take this the wrong way, but you totally look like shit.

My appearance is all that matters.

I'm so sexually normative, babe.

We shouldn't be out here at night.

It's just who goes panopticon.

Fear.

Sit down, kid.

You, Mr. Wallace.

Hey, you okay?

Want a ride?

Great! I'm sorry!

Can I get... Hey, go throw a ball, kid.

You know, Grace, some boys in the animal kingdom... Bro, I don't need to hear

about the birds and the bees, Mr. Wallace.

I'm 18. Not the birds and the bees.

The wasp and the tarantula.

The female hawk wasp, when she is ready to lay her egg, she paralyzes the

tarantula with her stinger that then lays her eggs in its abdomen.

When the larvae are ready to hatch, they eat the tarantula from the inside out.

You know what I mean?

That being pregnant is like getting eaten alive by a parasite?

What I mean is, I think Dylan is trying to put something inside you.

He's already put it inside me.

I did not need to hear that.

I think Dylan is infected.

With what?

Did you see his athletic physical?

I swear, he gave me the crop after he promised.

What's happening?

It's in the air.

Are you okay?

I think so.

Shit.

Fuck.

Arthur.

Please don't post this.

I'm texting my cousin. He dragged me to a trunk.

Oh, nice.

Well, in the meantime, we can get to know each other a little. You know, have

a... A bonding sesh. Oh, my gosh.

So awkward.

Well, you know, we might have a lot in common. You know, like, um, what's your

fave animal?

Mine is a narwhal. Penguins are also different. Keep coming on to me, Mr.

Wallace, and you'll be sorry. No warning shots.

I could never, ever. I'm incapable of thinking of you that way.

Hmm.

It all makes sense now.

It does.

Right? Okay.

Hard to believe you'd take an hour over dial -up to get a video. Was that before

or after your family died of cholera? Ha ha, laugh it up.

One day you'll be explaining Instagram to your cyborg children. Got any food?

I'm starving.

Oh, yeah.

Well, is everyone doing steakhouse?

Is there any aged beef that enhances the tenderness and the flavor?

I can't believe you're a science teacher. I wanted to be an English

all the positions were filled. It was a weight lift.

Done enough science degrees.

Really lame.

Maybe daddy.

Are you maybe somebody's baby daddy, Mr. Wallace?

Knock up a cheerleader back in your swinging dick days.

No. No, this can't be happening.

My asshole dad is my asshole dad, not this upside down asshole.

There's no easy way to explain this, Grace.

But you don't exactly look, you know, and your dad is, you know, and you are,

you know, and you better hold on to something.

years later it finally occurs to me i might be your daughter i just thought it

was impossible i thought that you were conceived too late and i figured that

half the town could be your father i just mean that your mom probably had sex

with a lot yeah yeah i got that thing hey you could just think about me as

your your cool uncle right and take you to disney world and parenthood stop it

i'm not some dude bro's fugitive chromosome but but nothing you're not my

and even if you are you never will

No, it's not worse.

Luke, Darth, Father.

Please, God, say I'm not related to this moron.

I didn't want this. I didn't mean for this to happen.

Cool. It never happened.

My cousin's on his way. Oh, cool, cool.

You know, but... Shut up. You don't have to talk, you know. The golden.

Silence is gold.

But, um... Nope.

Great.

Oh, shit.

You should leave Eastbrook and you should change your mind about going to

college. Why? I'm not leaving. You leave.

Are you dadding me right now?

I know it's scary to think about leaving.

I get that. Really, I do.

But big cities are filled with amazing things.

You know, like museums and fancy restaurants and Dave and Lester.

You are dadding me right now.

What do you want with a teenage daughter anyway? We're complicated and mean.

I don't think I really have much of a choice. Will you stop saying that?

Look, do you really want to be the only florist with a 1500 on her SATs?

Look, moron.

You can't come into my life after 18 years and suddenly claim me like a value

-backed coupon.

Where were you when I skinned my knee?

Or when my guinea pig died?

Boy, I like another girl to homecoming.

You can't be Disney dad, Mr. Wallace.

You don't know shit about me.

And you sure as hell don't know shit about families.

Family is why I stayed in Eastbrook.

Don't make the same mistake that I did, Grace.

You know, it took me a long time to realize that family and Eastbrook are

the same thing.

In fact, Eastbrook...

Kind of sucks. How does family?

Sometimes.

But you know, family is kind of like a band. And Eastbrook is like the best

of all time. The Beatles.

Creep.

It's hard to imagine a more perfect album than Human Clay.

But then the band broke up soon after.

It always breaks up.

But you agree?

You are a great dad.

Who the fuck is Ed?

Are you kidding me, young lady?

Shut up, Jasper.

Mr. Waller.

Uh,

the mold. What? The penicillin. What are you saying?

Penicillin was created when mold got into a pizza and released a toxin into

bacteria that the scientists were going.

Aha, I ate your poison.

Uh, we're not working.

Quit thinking, Dr. Science.

I'll let it go this time, Grace, but the cigarette?

The ink, you idiot. Let it go.

Plane thrower, please.

Are you okay?

Let's get the hell out of here.

And stay away from my mom too.

Dad? How's this possible?

The ick.

It absorbed me into the earth all those years ago.

This whole rotten planet is falling apart at the seams.

The ick is the thread that will pull it back together.

Well, good luck.

It's going to take a lot more than some lab -grown goo to fix all that.

Or maybe your bacteria.

I don't know.

Alien.

It's a program, son.

And I'll tell you what that program is.

A program of chaos that rewrites itself, breaks its rules, creates the

fear of the random. You will never know how it works.

Its goal is contradiction and confusion.

No rhyme or reason. Because it overwhelms. Some it devours.

Some it resurrects.

You will ignore it.

It can fix anything, son.

Anything.

It can even fix that lady, to be honest.

About last minute, okay? Not your first swing and miss.

But I want to know if my number's aired the way it was in there.

Injured from what?

The ape attacked me.

Okay. The ape attacked everyone.

The very best

moments of our life were on this field.

and the very worst dreams of going to college nfl owning a mansion in beverly

hills vacation how fran in a series of viagra commercials wearing a

flannel chopping wood for crystal blue lake and you

i lost it all right here don't be so dramatic

Is Grace my daughter?

What?

No.

Is that why you dragged me out here?

Faithy, just wait, please.

Grace, don't ever think my death is your fault.

I've wanted this for a long time.

Consider me a cautionary tale.

I don't repeat my mistakes.

Find happiness wherever you can.

Grab it.

And never let go.

Frickin' Ken.

Hello, Eastbrook High!

We're gonna start this night off right. This next song takes you back to 2002.

Mary Gilson recorded her first disc tape.

America's still real in 9 -11.

Never forget!

What a prick.

9 -11.

Next turn.

You think maybe we should barricade the doors, you know, into the ick? The

government will take care of it.

The ick is an agent of natural selection.

Next generation is going to be faster, smarter, probably get some good

cornerbacks out of it.

This next joint is for all the lovers out there.

who saw your parents deceive you to.

Maybe the rubber broke.

Maybe there was no rubber.

Heather,

ask

him to dance now.

Would you like to? I'd love to.

What?

I'm staying here.

I want to be with you forever.

Goddamn, this song rips.

Ted, you gotta get out of here. No can do, buddy.

Gotta make sure the kids do Dairy Queen and get home safe. That's an EDM outfit,

isn't it?

Ted, the ick is coming.

The ick?

It's already here.

That's nice. Where will we go?

It's everywhere else, too.

Ted, let's get my daughter to the ick.

You're the daughter?

Maybe.

Oh,

damn it. The windows are new. Screw you, Mercedes.

I'll break your glass.

You threw it in three.

Oh, Mercedes.

Look, Hank.

About three.

Get police!

developed. America needs its traditions.

Don't you love me? I'm doing a thing in Eastbrook for you.

Dylan.

Right, babe.

We need to fix this town.

Don't run from it. No.

Are you serious?

Frank, don't have sex with him. Are you serious? You can have sex with a million

men if that's what you want. Not? Not with him, okay? He is it.

The old white guy saving the virginity of a helpless female?

Really? I'm okay with it.

That's Smash Mouth Football, kid.

Sorry about your bra.

We want you to have a meaningful, safe relationship with the boys, you know?

So not the time for this talk.

They say we're infected, but I'll tell you, it's kind of worse.

Inside.

Hey, kid.

That might sting a little.

You know what your problem is, Dylan?

You're a phony.

You haven't read half the shit you quote.

You summarize from Wikipedia and we'll look at it like a weapon.

You're a sad, pathetic asshole without an original thought.

You're just like everyone else.

I need to tell you something. Yeah, I know. You might be my dad. You told me

already. No.

It's about you real parents.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. We're gonna die.

Not here. Where?

No, I mean, we're leaving Eastbrook.

Why?

You and me.

And the regular monkey.

Go!

Feels like the heartbreak will never end.

But, um, I'm here for you, Grace.

Heather! Griffin! You're a couple!

Let's move.

All right.

Better get out of here. Find some place.

Paladin. Stadium lights emit UV radiation.

Not as much as the sun or a black light, but hopefully enough to keep us.

Harm yourselves.

Whatever you can carry.

Get ready for a fight!

Come on.

You could have just opened it.

I mean, that was super dramatic and all, but... Now I have to crawl over broken

glass.

Pack the wires.

Put all the switches.

Where are you going? I have to go back out. Turn on the circuit breakers.

Without them, there's no power flowing to the halogens.

Good luck.

That was super weird.

Are you Mr.

Wallace? It's complicated.

None of my business.

You can do better.

Hi, sweetie.

It's time to join.

We're mommy and daddy.

You all right? I can't, you know, relatively.

Come to the line!

I want it to be over. He's dead. He should be at peace.

It's not him, Grace.

Everything's going to be okay.

What's going on? The egg pulled out the ground under the lights and... We have

to go!

Higher ground.

What are you doing?

We can make it!

I've been tipping them forever.

Grace, I need to tell you something.

Whether or not you're my actual daughter, I'm so proud of you.

I'm so glad that you're in my life.

Are we done now, or?

Hey!

High school okay?

Definitely not.

Y 'all hear what happened to Gigglesburg?

Damn close.

Old town was washed away.

Dang.

Gigglesburg.

What now?

How's the new job?

Lucrative. Yeah.

Turns out all the economy needed was mass suffering.

I'm leaving.

Yeah.

I figured.

After all this time, I still don't know what to call you.

Mr. Wallace.

Dad. Don't say teach.

Well, technically, we still don't know.

Maybe it's better not to know.

Yeah.

Maybe it's not.

Like father, like maybe daughter.

Hey, hey.

I knew you'd be here.

Got something for you. All right. Oh, come on. I'll be playing football.

I was a quarterback.

The government's in turmoil.

Nobody's seen the president in two months.

And yet, the mailman delivers.

Neither rain, nor sleep, nor ick.

I mailed it in.

Great.

You ready?

No.

But what the hell.

Let's open it anyway.