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Now the world don't move to the beat of
just one drum. What might be right for
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00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:12,840
you may not be right for some. A man is
born, he's a man of need.
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00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:16,840
Then along come two, they got nothing
but their genes.
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00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:22,539
But they got different strokes and
takes, different strokes and takes,
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00:00:22,540 --> 00:00:24,280
strokes to move the world.
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00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,780
Everybody's got a special kind of soul.
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00:00:46,290 --> 00:00:47,340
Hi,
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00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:54,890
everybody. The loved one is home.
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00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:57,450
The mailman's here, too.
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00:00:58,440 --> 00:00:59,820
Pearl, I got one for you. Good.
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,900
Oh, listen to this.
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00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:11,939
You may already have won a Rolls Royce,
a condo in Hawaii, a 40 -foot yacht, or
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a turkey baster.
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00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,360
Does it really say that, Pearl?
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Yeah, and I really need a turkey baster.
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With my luck, I'll probably win the
Rolls Royce.
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I don't believe this.
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00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,140
This is too much.
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What is it, Dad?
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It's a postcard for you from the
Selective Service.
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For me?
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Yeah. Dear Mr. Arnold Jackson, this card
is only a reminder.
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Available records show your date of
birth as December 5th, 1965.
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18 -year -old males must register with
Selective Service within 30 days of
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18th birthday.
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What is that supposed to mean?
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00:01:55,930 --> 00:01:58,830
It means they think you're 18 and they
want to draft you.
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00:01:59,510 --> 00:02:00,950
Who's talking about Woolis?
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00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,190
Arnold, there's no draft now.
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00:02:05,390 --> 00:02:07,810
Besides, you're a long, long way from
being 18.
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00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:10,850
Which is what makes this seem so funny.
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00:02:13,290 --> 00:02:16,570
Welcome back, joggers. How was it?
Wonderful.
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00:02:17,290 --> 00:02:18,430
Oh, terrible.
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00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,260
Horrible. I'm dying.
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00:02:20,750 --> 00:02:24,240
I'm going to have to find a younger
crowd. This guy can't keep up with me.
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00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:27,800
I gotta admit, Dad, you're in great
shape.
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00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:32,020
Yeah. You really spry for a guy in the
twilight of his years.
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00:02:32,591 --> 00:02:34,579
Thank you.
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00:02:34,580 --> 00:02:37,470
I'm sure the folks at the rest home will
be very proud of me.
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00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:40,850
You're a real inspiration to all of us,
Daddy.
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00:02:40,851 --> 00:02:42,179
I'll say, Mr.
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Drummond. You make me feel like going
out and running ten miles.
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Don't overdo it, Pearl.
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You're right. I'll take a nap instead.
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00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:50,810
Hey, what's this?
46
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,750
More mail for Arnold from the Selective
Service System.
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00:02:53,820 --> 00:02:56,760
Huh? I think it's the same kind of thing
he got last time.
48
00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:01,550
Hey, maybe they got that whole draft of
things straightened out there. Probably.
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00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,050
Let's see.
50
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,739
Dear sir, federal law requires that a
man born on or after January 1st, 1960
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00:03:08,740 --> 00:03:11,839
required to register with a selective
service within 30 days of his 18th
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birthday. As a result of a computer
match of government records, you have
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00:03:16,100 --> 00:03:19,050
identified as a potential selective
service registrant.
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00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:21,820
Our registration files do not contain
your name.
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Willful failure to register is
punishable by up to five years in prison
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$10 ,000 fine. This is ridiculous.
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Man, I'm in trouble.
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Arnold, you have nothing to worry about.
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00:03:37,381 --> 00:03:38,459
Are you kidding?
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If I go to the slammer for five years,
I'll get out just in time to really get
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dressed.
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00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:49,570
Excuse me.
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00:03:50,020 --> 00:03:51,070
Yes?
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My name's Philip Drummond.
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00:03:54,420 --> 00:03:58,060
Can I talk to you about this letter?
It's totally absurd.
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00:03:58,480 --> 00:04:03,700
Well, now that you've interrupted my
train of thought, what's so absurd?
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00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:08,940
My son received this notice to register
for the draft.
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00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:12,160
Draft? Sorry, that's not my department.
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00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,780
This is the Data Management Center.
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00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,579
I understand, but they told us
downstairs that you might be able to
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00:04:19,220 --> 00:04:22,200
As you can see, he's only 12 years old.
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00:04:23,729 --> 00:04:25,150
This is your son?
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Forgive me.
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00:04:30,550 --> 00:04:33,130
I fail to see a strong family
resemblance.
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00:04:35,050 --> 00:04:36,170
Arnold is adopted.
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00:04:36,690 --> 00:04:39,830
Yeah, the stork didn't bring me. I was
delivered by a taxi.
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00:04:43,070 --> 00:04:44,870
Okay, okay, let me see the letter.
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00:04:45,110 --> 00:04:46,160
Oh, my.
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00:04:46,230 --> 00:04:48,350
Oh, this is the second notification.
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00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:52,470
You obviously disregarded the first one.
That's a no -no.
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00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:58,669
I did not disregard the first one. I
sent him an answer. Obviously, there's a
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00:04:58,670 --> 00:04:59,870
mistake in the computer.
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00:05:00,230 --> 00:05:04,310
Mistake? It's gotta be a mistake. Look
at me. I'm living proof.
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00:05:04,710 --> 00:05:06,610
I was born in 1971.
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00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:11,170
I ought to know. I spent the whole day
in the maternity ward.
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00:05:13,610 --> 00:05:15,730
Sorry, your word's not good enough.
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00:05:16,530 --> 00:05:17,790
Not good enough?
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00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,820
He's just a child.
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00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:24,199
Well, you would be amazed at some of the
stunts people pull to try to get out of
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00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,250
military service.
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00:05:25,251 --> 00:05:30,639
Now, according to regulations, you need
to show me some legal proof of your
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son's age, like a birth certificate.
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00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,180
It's in a safety deposit box.
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00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:39,659
Mr. Drummond, even if I believed you,
this has to be handled according to
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00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:42,800
regulations. If you believe me?
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00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:46,669
I suggest you fill this out like it says
to and send it through the proper
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00:05:46,670 --> 00:05:50,030
channels. The computer will catch the
mistake sooner or later.
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00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,470
You can stick your computer in your ear.
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00:05:52,471 --> 00:05:56,209
I'm not going to waste any more of my
valuable time with this. And as far as
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this draft notice goes, I'll kill you.
101
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:02,910
Oh, now you've done it.
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00:06:05,510 --> 00:06:08,820
Dad, you shouldn't have done that. His
scalp is starting to twitch.
103
00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:15,080
You like puzzles?
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00:06:15,150 --> 00:06:16,230
Put that one together.
105
00:06:16,231 --> 00:06:21,309
And you haven't heard the end of this. I
am tired of cockamamie computers and
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00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:22,730
all of your red tape.
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00:06:22,731 --> 00:06:26,069
I have some influence in this town. I'm
going to call a press conference. We're
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00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:28,870
going to fight this thing if we have to
rot in jail to win.
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00:06:29,230 --> 00:06:30,280
Rot in jail?
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00:06:32,290 --> 00:06:33,930
Yes, rot in jail. Come on, Arnold.
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00:06:33,931 --> 00:06:38,849
Please keep in mind, sir, that the
opinions expressed by the father are not
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necessarily those of the son.
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00:06:42,451 --> 00:06:49,959
There's nothing more special than a bond
between mother and child. What's that?
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My mom.
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00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:54,039
Ashanti, Cherish. Happy Mother's Day.
Ray J. And Y. Cleve Jean. Explain why
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00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,499
their bonds are so special. Don't miss
this BET Mother's Day special. Thanks,
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00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,520
Mom. Tomorrow at 7 .30. You're the best.
118
00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:03,139
Welcome to the channel. May I help you?
Yes. Two Southern -style chicken
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00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:06,459
biscuits. We're double -cutting chicken
for breakfast now? You heard right. Oh,
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00:07:06,460 --> 00:07:09,639
that reminds me of my nana's cake when
she made me chicken biscuits.
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00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:12,440
She's like, I'll add all her seasonings.
Huh?
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00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,000
Mickey D, seven -star chicken biscuits.
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00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:19,140
Chicken biscuits for breakfast.
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00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,000
This biscuit tastes homemade.
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00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:22,560
And the chicken is so juicy.
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00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:23,800
And seasoned just right.
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00:07:24,860 --> 00:07:31,679
That check you get every month from a
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00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,839
structured settlement as a result of a
lawsuit or from an annuity may not be
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00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,380
enough to pay for all the bills that are
piling up.
130
00:07:40,490 --> 00:07:44,589
If you're having trouble making ends
meet, it can feel like you're adrift in
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00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,640
sea of uncertainty.
132
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:49,270
You might think you're sunk, but now
there's help.
133
00:07:49,490 --> 00:07:54,249
Each tree can turn your structured
settlement or annuity into cash today.
134
00:07:54,250 --> 00:07:59,029
you can use to pay off debt, avoid
foreclosure, pay bills, get a new house,
135
00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:00,080
buy a new car.
136
00:08:00,540 --> 00:08:05,219
Money does grow on trees. Call Peachtree
to turn your future payments into
137
00:08:05,220 --> 00:08:10,159
immediate cash when you need it most.
Wherever you need help, Peachtree is
138
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:14,559
for you. The money from your structured
settlement or annuity is yours. You
139
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,799
deserve to have it and Peachtree can
help you get it. To find out more, call
140
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,840
Peachtree today at 1 -800 -581 -1091.
141
00:08:22,060 --> 00:08:26,840
That's 1 -800 -581 -1091 or log on to
settlementfunding .com.
142
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,500
Life doesn't wait. Why should you?
143
00:08:29,501 --> 00:08:33,139
What is a high school diploma worth? On
average, more than a quarter of a
144
00:08:33,140 --> 00:08:35,899
million dollars in additional pay over
the course of a career.
145
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,859
Now, thanks to nationally and regionally
accredited Penn Foster High School, you
146
00:08:39,860 --> 00:08:43,079
can earn your high school diploma at
home in your spare time and at your own
147
00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:45,850
pace. You can study online, in print, or
in combination.
148
00:08:45,851 --> 00:08:47,079
You decide.
149
00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,939
Whether you need a full program or a few
courses to meet your graduation
150
00:08:49,940 --> 00:08:53,839
requirements, Penn Foster is dedicated
to helping you complete your coursework
151
00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:55,520
and earn your high school diploma.
152
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,960
Call 1 -800 -388 -5368. Call now.
153
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,630
Hi, welcome to Progressive .com. How can
I help you?
154
00:09:03,631 --> 00:09:06,939
Well, I haven't shopped for car
insurance in a while. And you're worried
155
00:09:06,940 --> 00:09:08,159
you've been paying too much, right?
156
00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,840
Yeah. So how can I know I'm getting a
good deal?
157
00:09:10,841 --> 00:09:15,159
We can compare your Progressive direct
rate with other top companies.
158
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:16,340
Wow. Seriously?
159
00:09:16,680 --> 00:09:17,730
Yeah.
160
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:20,600
Look at the deal we just got him.
161
00:09:20,981 --> 00:09:23,399
That's a new pair of shoes.
162
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:24,860
Yeah, or a big tricked out...
163
00:09:25,070 --> 00:09:28,330
Name tag. Making sure you get a great
deal. Now that's progressive.
164
00:09:28,550 --> 00:09:29,600
Call or click today.
165
00:09:30,790 --> 00:09:32,630
Hi, welcome to progressive .com.
166
00:09:32,950 --> 00:09:34,690
Honey, what's all this? Insurance.
167
00:09:34,691 --> 00:09:37,209
Progressive motorcycle insurance.
168
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,530
RV insurance.
169
00:09:39,070 --> 00:09:40,120
Uh -huh.
170
00:09:40,190 --> 00:09:41,570
Boat insurance.
171
00:09:42,870 --> 00:09:44,670
But we don't have any of those things.
172
00:09:44,950 --> 00:09:46,310
Well, actually, I do.
173
00:09:46,311 --> 00:09:47,809
We do.
174
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:48,860
We do.
175
00:09:54,790 --> 00:09:58,329
Let's bag these up. Saving you money so
you can buy more toys. Now that's
176
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:01,849
progressive. Call or click today. Pearl,
have you got a second? When I called
177
00:10:01,850 --> 00:10:04,749
the media, I gave them a general idea of
what this is about. But when they get
178
00:10:04,750 --> 00:10:06,290
here, this is what I want to say.
179
00:10:06,291 --> 00:10:10,769
Ladies and gentlemen of the press, I
would like to talk to you today about a
180
00:10:10,770 --> 00:10:15,109
system which supposedly guarantees
liberty and justice for all and yet
181
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:17,610
victim of a 12 -year -old boy.
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00:10:18,030 --> 00:10:19,250
Oh, Mr.
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00:10:19,790 --> 00:10:22,190
Drummond, you have such a way with
words.
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00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:23,920
You ought to run for office.
185
00:10:24,180 --> 00:10:27,250
Thank you, Pearl. But there's just too
many jerks in politics.
186
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,740
Oh, there's always room for one more.
187
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,880
I mean, you know what I mean.
188
00:10:36,740 --> 00:10:37,790
I'd better.
189
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:42,750
I'll get that, Pearl.
190
00:10:43,060 --> 00:10:44,260
That must be the press.
191
00:10:45,631 --> 00:10:52,109
The press conference over? No, no, no,
no. Come in, come in, come in.
192
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:54,050
Nice to meet you. I'm Philip Drummond.
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00:10:55,290 --> 00:10:56,550
Is this all the food?
194
00:10:57,410 --> 00:10:58,630
Pretty chintzy.
195
00:11:00,450 --> 00:11:01,550
Excuse me, Mr.
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00:11:01,830 --> 00:11:03,410
Gordon. Gordon,
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00:11:03,411 --> 00:11:05,409
yeah.
198
00:11:05,410 --> 00:11:06,930
What newspaper are you with?
199
00:11:07,210 --> 00:11:08,490
None. I freelance.
200
00:11:09,170 --> 00:11:10,770
Looks more like freeload.
201
00:11:12,650 --> 00:11:13,870
That's tackless, Pearl.
202
00:11:14,090 --> 00:11:15,290
Accurate, but tackless.
203
00:11:15,291 --> 00:11:19,339
Listen, Mr. Gordon, if you don't mind,
I'll just wait till the rest of the
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00:11:19,340 --> 00:11:21,990
gets here before I start. They're not
going to show up.
205
00:11:23,060 --> 00:11:24,110
Why not?
206
00:11:24,111 --> 00:11:26,019
Because the story's not big enough.
207
00:11:26,020 --> 00:11:29,390
Now, me, it doesn't make any difference.
No story's too small for me.
208
00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:33,990
All right, then, I'll give you the
story.
209
00:11:34,140 --> 00:11:35,190
Shoot.
210
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,020
Well, don't you need a pad to write on?
211
00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:40,330
Oh, yeah, I have one.
212
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,880
I like to keep my hands free.
213
00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:44,270
But don't worry.
214
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,549
I'll remember everything. I've got a
great memory.
215
00:11:46,550 --> 00:11:47,750
Elephants never forget.
216
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,760
Excuse me.
217
00:11:50,830 --> 00:11:51,880
Arnold?
218
00:11:51,881 --> 00:11:53,249
Yes, Dad?
219
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:56,620
Would you come down here, please? Okay.
One of the reporters is here.
220
00:11:56,670 --> 00:11:57,720
All right.
221
00:11:59,410 --> 00:12:02,060
This is Arnold. He's the one that got
the draft notice.
222
00:12:02,530 --> 00:12:03,580
Hi.
223
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:05,690
I'm his son, the draft dodger.
224
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,500
You look like a good draft could blow
you away.
225
00:12:12,510 --> 00:12:13,750
Oh, excuse me, please.
226
00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:16,140
Probably the rest of the press.
227
00:12:17,011 --> 00:12:24,419
Are you Philip Drummond? That's right.
Come in, come in, come in. You're just
228
00:12:24,420 --> 00:12:28,599
time. I appreciate your coming. I'd like
to offer you some refreshments we have
229
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:29,650
right over here.
230
00:12:29,651 --> 00:12:30,639
No, thank you.
231
00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:32,000
I'll take one. Good.
232
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,050
Now, who are you gentlemen with? The
Times, the Post, the News, the FBI?
233
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:44,020
We're looking for everyone who hasn't...
234
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:45,440
Honey bunches of oats.
235
00:12:46,020 --> 00:12:47,300
It's breakfast time.
236
00:12:47,301 --> 00:12:48,499
Would you like to try some?
237
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,580
Yeah. A little sweet, a little crunchy.
238
00:12:51,020 --> 00:12:52,070
Great.
239
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:53,930
This is very good.
240
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:55,230
I like this.
241
00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,490
What do you think?
242
00:12:57,491 --> 00:13:01,059
It's in this stuff. It's the perfect
combination of crispy flakes, crunchy
243
00:13:01,060 --> 00:13:03,770
clusters, and just a touch of honey in
every spoonful.
244
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I guess I'll get the milk.
245
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288
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Anything a lady can do after midnight,
she can do before midnight.
293
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:18,170
And every night is going to be
different.
294
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,880
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295
00:16:40,991 --> 00:16:48,399
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296
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297
00:16:53,780 --> 00:17:00,239
This is a man who almost learned to walk
at a rehab center that almost got
298
00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,880
booked by people who almost gave money.
299
00:17:05,460 --> 00:17:06,510
Almost gave.
300
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,260
How good is almost giving?
301
00:17:10,460 --> 00:17:13,440
About as good as almost work.
302
00:17:18,590 --> 00:17:19,730
College Hill, Atlanta.
303
00:17:19,849 --> 00:17:20,899
Tuesday at 10.
304
00:17:24,030 --> 00:17:27,530
Dad, we must be in a lot of trouble if
the FBI is here.
305
00:17:27,531 --> 00:17:31,189
Now, don't worry, Arnold. I've handled
it so far, haven't I? That's what's got
306
00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:32,240
me worried.
307
00:17:33,650 --> 00:17:37,490
As a matter of fact, I am rather
curious. What brings the FBI to see me?
308
00:17:37,910 --> 00:17:39,650
We had a call about you, Mr. Drummond.
309
00:17:39,651 --> 00:17:40,489
From Mr.
310
00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:41,990
Cribs at the Federal Building.
311
00:17:41,991 --> 00:17:43,389
Oh, him.
312
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:46,820
What did he tell you? That I was trying
to overthrow the government?
313
00:17:46,821 --> 00:17:48,529
Hey, this is getting interesting.
314
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,910
Does anybody have a camera?
315
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:53,320
They have great ones in Japan. I'll send
you a postcard from Tokyo.
316
00:17:53,321 --> 00:17:59,789
We're here just to give you a friendly
reminder about the consequences of not
317
00:17:59,790 --> 00:18:01,789
allowing your son to register for the
draft.
318
00:18:01,790 --> 00:18:02,429
All right.
319
00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:03,690
I'll ask you your opinion.
320
00:18:04,090 --> 00:18:06,200
Would you let him register? This is my
son.
321
00:18:06,590 --> 00:18:08,700
You wouldn't want a guy like me in the
army.
322
00:18:09,270 --> 00:18:11,030
This class whip beats me up.
323
00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:13,770
And she's not that tough.
324
00:18:17,490 --> 00:18:20,200
Well, we had no idea. There's obviously
been a mistake.
325
00:18:20,201 --> 00:18:23,969
We're sorry to have bothered you, Mr.
Drummond. Well, that's all right.
326
00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,530
Would you like your donut back?
327
00:18:25,531 --> 00:18:26,709
Thank you.
328
00:18:26,710 --> 00:18:27,689
How about you?
329
00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:28,830
No, thanks. I'm driving.
330
00:18:32,110 --> 00:18:34,820
Hope you catch all those guys on the
post office walls.
331
00:18:35,330 --> 00:18:36,830
And I hope I'm not one of them.
332
00:18:37,091 --> 00:18:39,509
Good evening, gentlemen.
333
00:18:39,510 --> 00:18:40,560
Good evening.
334
00:18:41,390 --> 00:18:43,230
Well, I'll be going, too.
335
00:18:43,231 --> 00:18:48,119
Unless you're sure you're not holding
out on me. No, that's the whole story.
336
00:18:48,120 --> 00:18:49,170
I meant food.
337
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,650
I'll see you.
338
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,240
Dad, why don't we just go along with the
system and sign me up?
339
00:18:58,241 --> 00:19:01,919
Arnold, we are going to win without
compromising our principles. As one
340
00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,180
American once said, I have not yet begun
to fight. Do you know who said that?
341
00:19:06,380 --> 00:19:07,960
I hope it wasn't General Custer.
342
00:19:12,080 --> 00:19:16,120
91, 92, 93, 94, 95.
343
00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,820
96, 97, 98, 99, 100.
344
00:19:20,180 --> 00:19:21,230
Oh, man.
345
00:19:21,231 --> 00:19:23,259
Really makes you feel good, Arnold.
346
00:19:23,260 --> 00:19:24,179
Dig it.
347
00:19:24,180 --> 00:19:25,420
Willis the Barbarian.
348
00:19:27,380 --> 00:19:30,600
Eat your heart out, Arnold
Schwarzenegger.
349
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:34,430
Oh,
350
00:19:34,660 --> 00:19:38,339
come on, Arnold, man. Cheer up. I know
this whole thing's got you upset, but
351
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,299
it'll work out.
352
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,020
And it's easy for you to say.
353
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,250
Come on, now put the army out of your
mind and get some sleep.
354
00:19:46,139 --> 00:19:49,060
Okay. I'll close my eyes and try
counting jeeps.
355
00:19:50,700 --> 00:19:52,930
You've been watching too many war
pictures.
356
00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:27,160
Mr.
357
00:20:27,710 --> 00:20:31,490
Cribs. Corporal Cribs to you. On your
feet, private.
358
00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:40,660
Wait a minute.
359
00:20:41,270 --> 00:20:43,090
This has got to be a big mistake.
360
00:20:43,550 --> 00:20:46,750
The army doesn't make mistakes. That's
why we have a navy.
361
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:51,830
But I'm not supposed to be here.
362
00:20:51,831 --> 00:20:53,299
I'm a civilian.
363
00:20:53,300 --> 00:20:56,480
Not anymore, you're not. Here's your
helmet, soldier.
364
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:03,560
None of these things fit.
365
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,090
And hut!
366
00:21:11,180 --> 00:21:12,240
Morning, corporal.
367
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:14,200
Who's under the helmet?
368
00:21:14,660 --> 00:21:17,790
A new recruit, Private Jackson, ready
for drill instruction.
369
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:19,940
I'll take over from here. Yes, sir!
370
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,320
Off with the helmet, Jackson.
371
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:23,770
Yes, sir.
372
00:21:26,160 --> 00:21:27,500
Oh, Willis!
373
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,080
It's so good to see a familiar face.
374
00:21:31,460 --> 00:21:33,980
That's Sergeant Willis to you, soldier.
375
00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:38,180
Willis, this is me, your brother Arnold.
376
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,070
I was right there when you bought your
first tube of gliracil.
377
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,470
Now, don't you go getting personal with
me, turkey.
378
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,120
I hate that they can give me 10.
379
00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:54,730
Talking push -ups, sucker.
380
00:21:54,930 --> 00:21:56,790
Now hit the deck. Hitting the deck, sir.
381
00:22:04,430 --> 00:22:07,750
Would you take one and I owe you?
382
00:22:09,550 --> 00:22:12,030
Do you call yourself a soldier?
383
00:22:12,530 --> 00:22:14,880
On your feet, soldier. Come on, get up.
Up, up, up.
384
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,860
Look in the mirror and tell me what you
see.
385
00:22:18,890 --> 00:22:19,940
Two soldiers?
386
00:22:20,150 --> 00:22:21,200
Wrong.
387
00:22:21,250 --> 00:22:27,160
One... soldier and one spineless,
sniveling, pathetic excuse for a human
388
00:22:27,700 --> 00:22:29,620
Sergeant, don't be so hard on yourself.
389
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,200
I was talking about you, pea brain.
390
00:22:35,820 --> 00:22:36,870
Thank you, sir.
391
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,410
Can I go home now? You're not going
anywhere, worm.
392
00:22:39,460 --> 00:22:40,880
It's time for rifle drill.
393
00:24:06,090 --> 00:24:07,140
overwhelming odds.
394
00:24:07,190 --> 00:24:10,710
All volunteers take one step
395
00:24:41,580 --> 00:24:42,630
Excuse me, General.
396
00:24:44,060 --> 00:24:46,460
Yes? War is being served.
397
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:49,770
Thank you, Wack.
398
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:52,540
How is the morale of the men?
399
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:55,660
I'm doing everything I can to keep it
up.
400
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:00,640
Very good, Wack.
401
00:25:01,220 --> 00:25:02,270
Carry on.
402
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:03,370
Yes, sir.
403
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:05,240
As long as I have my strength.
404
00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:06,960
But war is...
405
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,840
you're going to face hopeless odds
without one quiver of fear.
406
00:25:26,120 --> 00:25:30,980
But, General, sir, I'm only 12. I'm too
young to die.
407
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,330
Don't be silly. That's just the right
age.
408
00:25:34,940 --> 00:25:36,140
Have you had your shots?
409
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:40,340
Shots? Yes. I like all my men to die in
good health.
410
00:25:49,371 --> 00:25:54,519
Make mistakes, soldier. It's this one,
the regulation.
411
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,300
Nurse, this recruit needs his shots.
412
00:25:58,900 --> 00:25:59,950
Oh, good.
413
00:26:02,220 --> 00:26:04,420
This is the part I like.
414
00:26:11,120 --> 00:26:12,170
Wait a minute.
415
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,260
Uh, where do you think you're gonna
stick that?
416
00:26:43,310 --> 00:26:44,570
You're having a bad dream.
417
00:26:44,830 --> 00:26:47,290
Oh, well, you don't know how bad.
418
00:26:47,291 --> 00:26:50,809
What's happening, Arnold? Are you all
right?
419
00:26:50,810 --> 00:26:52,010
What's going on in here?
420
00:26:52,170 --> 00:26:53,670
Arnold was having a nightmare.
421
00:26:53,870 --> 00:26:55,670
Oh, Dad, it was awful.
422
00:26:56,150 --> 00:27:00,729
I was in the army, and there was this
big war, and you were coming on like
423
00:27:00,730 --> 00:27:03,860
General Patton, and you were going to
send me off to get killed.
424
00:27:04,150 --> 00:27:06,330
Oh, Arnold, it was only a dream.
425
00:27:06,610 --> 00:27:08,050
But it was so real.
426
00:27:08,051 --> 00:27:11,629
Dad, I don't want you to give up your
principles, but I'm scared.
427
00:27:11,630 --> 00:27:12,890
Can't we just surrender?
428
00:27:15,310 --> 00:27:16,490
I'm sorry, son.
429
00:27:17,850 --> 00:27:21,410
I didn't know that all of this was
affecting you so deeply.
430
00:27:21,411 --> 00:27:26,529
I guess I was so wrapped up in the
battle, I forgot to pay attention to the
431
00:27:26,530 --> 00:27:27,580
troops.
432
00:27:28,530 --> 00:27:30,290
Why don't we go back and see Mr.
433
00:27:30,291 --> 00:27:33,349
Cribs and see where we can get the
papers that we have to fill out.
434
00:27:33,350 --> 00:27:34,400
Thank you, Dad.
435
00:27:34,610 --> 00:27:36,090
You saved my life.
436
00:27:38,090 --> 00:27:39,170
That's okay, soldier.
437
00:27:39,171 --> 00:27:42,149
And then afterwards, maybe we'll go down
to the US Hill and celebrate.
438
00:27:42,150 --> 00:27:43,350
Pick up a couple of dames.
439
00:27:47,911 --> 00:27:54,539
Mr. Drummond, I was going to phone you
just as soon as I finished this
440
00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:55,590
puzzle.
441
00:27:55,960 --> 00:27:59,300
So good to see you and your delightful
little boy.
442
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:01,180
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
443
00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:07,210
He must have had a personality
transplant.
444
00:28:09,380 --> 00:28:12,330
There's no need to try to sack us out,
Mr. Cribs. We surrender.
445
00:28:12,331 --> 00:28:15,959
I have here Arnold's birth certificate,
his adoption papers, and if you'll just
446
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,589
tell us where to get the proper forms,
we'll sign them.
447
00:28:18,590 --> 00:28:21,360
If it'll help, we'll even whistle Yankee
Doodle Dandy.
448
00:28:22,670 --> 00:28:27,810
No, that won't be necessary. I have some
good news for you.
449
00:28:28,390 --> 00:28:30,430
I'm going to be stationed at Disneyland?
450
00:28:32,690 --> 00:28:34,870
No, I mean you're off the hook.
451
00:28:35,270 --> 00:28:39,509
You were so persistent, Mr. Drummond,
that I decided to check it out with
452
00:28:39,510 --> 00:28:40,560
Washington.
453
00:28:40,670 --> 00:28:46,169
Indeed, there was another Arnold Jackson
right here in Manhattan, so I decided
454
00:28:46,170 --> 00:28:48,820
to chase him down with my wonderful
little computer.
455
00:28:49,290 --> 00:28:54,169
I can't believe it. I can assure you,
you can put to complete trust in the
456
00:28:54,170 --> 00:28:55,510
of computer science.
457
00:28:59,370 --> 00:29:00,420
Excuse me.
458
00:29:00,690 --> 00:29:03,250
I was told I could find Mr. Cribs here.
459
00:29:03,610 --> 00:29:04,890
Yes, I'm Mr.
460
00:29:04,891 --> 00:29:06,049
Cribs.
461
00:29:06,050 --> 00:29:09,210
You said you wanted to see me about
registering for the draft.
462
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:13,160
My name's Arnold Jackson.
463
00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:35,039
Now the world don't move to the beat of
just one drum. What might be right for
464
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:36,840
you may not be right.
465
00:29:44,270 --> 00:29:46,150
Nothing but the cheese that they got.
466
00:29:46,490 --> 00:29:48,190
Different strokes of cake.
467
00:29:48,490 --> 00:29:50,250
Different strokes of cake.
468
00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:54,250
Different strokes to do the work if it
doesn't take.
469
00:29:54,530 --> 00:29:55,580
Different strokes.
470
00:30:41,450 --> 00:30:44,520
Clearly the channel's just changed. I
ain't even touching it.
471
00:30:53,350 --> 00:30:59,130
Let me see.
472
00:31:07,121 --> 00:31:11,409
Dang, I say, we got a poltergeist up in
here.
473
00:31:11,410 --> 00:31:13,710
Yeah, it's a poltergeist with bad taste.
474
00:31:14,490 --> 00:31:17,650
Go hunt someplace else. We don't do
chick flicks.
475
00:31:22,190 --> 00:31:23,240
Malcolm,
476
00:31:28,030 --> 00:31:31,190
I think you installed my new TV wrong.
It's all messed up.
477
00:31:31,410 --> 00:31:35,250
Well, what's there to mess up? All I did
was carry it upstairs and plug it in.
478
00:31:35,670 --> 00:31:37,290
Well, something's wrong with it.
479
00:31:37,630 --> 00:31:41,000
I've been trying to watch the always
classic Give Me Back My Kidney.
480
00:31:41,230 --> 00:31:43,870
TV keeps flipping to some boring karate
movie.
481
00:31:45,230 --> 00:31:47,790
Oh, that's because you got to break a
new TV in slow.
482
00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:52,729
Yeah, yeah, that's right. If you don't,
the TV heats up too fast and the
483
00:31:52,730 --> 00:31:57,569
capacitors jam. Right. And, you know,
diode refluxes just overload, man. It
484
00:31:57,570 --> 00:31:59,790
makes the channels jump all over the
place.
485
00:32:00,050 --> 00:32:02,390
Oh, darn. That must be what's wrong with
it.
486
00:32:02,730 --> 00:32:04,090
What am I supposed to do?
487
00:32:04,430 --> 00:32:07,020
Just turn it off for a couple of hours
and let it rest.
488
00:32:07,050 --> 00:32:08,970
Hopefully the damage isn't permanent.
489
00:32:10,510 --> 00:32:13,530
Gotcha. Yeah. Thanks, guys. Okay, no
problem.
490
00:32:18,190 --> 00:32:21,470
Capacitors jammed. High -old refluxes
jammed.
491
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:41,740
What you did inside your home?
492
00:33:13,561 --> 00:33:20,809
appreciate your help this is kind of a
sensitive subject yeah we won't be
493
00:33:20,810 --> 00:33:24,989
accused of harassing anybody yeah well
don't worry i'll talk to everyone you
494
00:33:24,990 --> 00:33:28,350
came to the right person i am the soul
of discretion
495
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:32,950
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