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by the time you
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is selecting the right icebreaker.
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I think I'll try this one.
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Oh, my!
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Split pea soup!
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I simply adore split pea soup. I cannot
tell you how many evenings since my
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divorce I've enjoyed a hearty bowl of
split pea soup. I've loved it ever since
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was a little slip of a thing back home
in Chichester. That's a small town just
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outside of London. It's really...
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I'll meet you at the checkout counter.
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Right, dear.
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So, can I have your phone number?
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John, check out the canned goods on her.
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All right,
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now, just watch a master at work.
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Uh, excuse me?
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I'm recently divorced, and, well, um...
I'm not used to shopping by myself.
18
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Get used to it.
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John, do me a favor. Don't work my
aisle.
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Ooh.
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Hey, sweet dicks.
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Any room in your life for a tall, blonde
box boy?
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Kirk.
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Carol.
25
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Well, it's been a long time. Yeah.
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Yeah, it really has.
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So you're working in a market these
days, huh?
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Actually, I own the plant.
29
00:02:55,350 --> 00:02:56,400
Really?
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Good for you.
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00:02:59,870 --> 00:03:01,070
What are you doing here?
32
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Shoplifting.
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Good, good, good.
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Still the mistress of quips, huh?
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Well, for your information, I'm just
picking up a few odds and ends. You
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got a big meeting tonight with my board
of directors.
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00:03:19,110 --> 00:03:20,160
Cut the bullcrap.
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00:03:20,590 --> 00:03:22,350
You don't have to try to impress me.
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I'm not your wife anymore.
40
00:03:33,320 --> 00:03:36,750
Don't you see what I heard? That's
Kirk's ex -wife. I can't believe it.
41
00:03:38,540 --> 00:03:39,590
What's going on?
42
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,660
Please, you're just in time.
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00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:46,700
Kirk with his ex -wife. Kirk's ex -wife.
His ex -wife. I'll do. I'll do.
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00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:49,660
Spying on people.
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Aren't you ashamed of yourselves?
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Damn right.
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Now shut up so we can hear.
48
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,150
Privacy?
49
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,150
Carol,
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it's been a real pain running into you.
Still bitter, huh?
51
00:04:26,740 --> 00:04:28,500
Me? Bitter?
52
00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:30,560
What are you kidding me?
53
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Best thing that ever happened to me was
you walking out that door.
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00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:37,500
I got more girlfriends now than I did
when we were married.
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You'll never change, will you, Kirk?
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Kirk?
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This is your ex -husband?
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00:04:47,660 --> 00:04:48,860
Yeah, who wants to know?
59
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Kirk, this is Donna.
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Not the Donna.
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Yes, Kirk, the Donna.
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So this is the fraud you dumped me for.
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Sir, do me a favor, please. Don't start.
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If I live to be a thousand, I will never
understand this. What do you see in
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00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,470
this chick?
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00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,900
I am ten times better looking than she
is.
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00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:38,429
Ladies, how come you're so late tonight?
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00:05:38,430 --> 00:05:41,109
Oh, Louise took the whole group on a
field trip to the supermarket.
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00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:44,060
She thought it would be a great place to
meet single people.
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00:05:44,230 --> 00:05:45,810
Not bad, not bad.
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00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:49,029
You know what I always do to meet single
women?
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00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:52,410
What? I go to the Museum of Modern Art
and stand next to a Picasso.
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00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:57,429
I figure I gotta be better looking than
a guy with three eyes and a guitar in
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his stomach.
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00:05:59,890 --> 00:06:00,940
Not bad.
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00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:02,850
Anyway, there you go.
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00:06:03,290 --> 00:06:06,110
It's got a new valve pump, new copper
tubing.
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00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:08,250
And the water's not brown anymore.
79
00:06:08,610 --> 00:06:10,030
So we can drink from it now?
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00:06:11,590 --> 00:06:12,640
I wouldn't.
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00:06:16,790 --> 00:06:17,930
Hey. Hello.
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00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:20,769
Everybody, it's the spellboard. We
missed you at the supermarket.
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00:06:20,770 --> 00:06:26,309
Oh, that's okay. Tom and I straightened
out the storeroom. But you missed all
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00:06:26,310 --> 00:06:27,329
the excitement.
85
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:28,380
You want to bet?
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00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:40,250
I can't help wondering what that poor
woman must have gone through.
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00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,940
I mean, can you imagine being married to
Kirk?
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00:06:45,860 --> 00:06:46,910
Hey,
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everybody.
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00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,500
What? Kirk? I thought you two shared a
car.
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00:06:55,501 --> 00:06:59,619
Yeah, we did. He's down the hall hitting
on Terry, the new aerobics instructor.
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00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,670
Okay.
93
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:06,540
Kirk tell you about his ex -wife. Tell
us every wonderful, rotten detail.
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00:07:06,541 --> 00:07:09,299
Well, actually, there's nothing to tell.
Every time I mention her, he changes
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00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:10,079
the subject.
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00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,060
I wonder why he's being so secretive.
97
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,240
Well, you know, Kirk, he was probably
cheating on her.
98
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,600
Now, Kate, we mustn't jump to
conclusions.
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00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:24,850
Oh, come on, Louise. You don't think
there was another woman involved?
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00:07:33,851 --> 00:07:38,059
Do you know something you're not telling
us?
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00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:40,400
No, no, no. Not a thing. Not a bloody
thing.
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00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,120
What? Do you think I was snooping?
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00:07:45,900 --> 00:07:47,920
You were snooping. Thank God.
104
00:07:49,220 --> 00:07:53,040
Oh, this blows juicy right out of the
water.
105
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,100
But I can't. Oh, come on, Louise. This
is a support group.
106
00:07:59,101 --> 00:08:03,299
We're like a loving, caring family here.
If you know something about Kurt, share
107
00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:04,350
it with us. Yeah.
108
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:05,860
Before we have to hurt you.
109
00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:13,039
Well, I want to tell you, but I mustn't.
It was bad enough that I was
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00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,420
eavesdropping, and I knew that was
wrong.
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00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:19,460
But if I told you, that would be even
more wrong.
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00:08:21,820 --> 00:08:24,170
Oh, what the hell? In for a penny, in
for a pound.
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00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:10,040
I could stay home Friday nights and try
on bathing suits.
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00:09:47,311 --> 00:09:54,239
all saw me with my ex -wife, and I'm
going to tell you the same thing I told
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00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,780
him. I don't want to talk about her. Oh,
come on, Kirk.
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00:09:57,040 --> 00:10:00,350
There must be something you'd like to
tell us about your marriage.
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00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:05,299
Mr. Tell, uh, we were a couple of kids.
She was crazy about me, and we got
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hitched.
119
00:10:06,860 --> 00:10:10,459
But we were just too different. You
know, she was a vegetarian, and I was
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00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:11,840
strictly meat and potatoes.
121
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,000
We had absolutely nothing in common.
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00:10:16,940 --> 00:10:18,400
Well, you both liked women.
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00:10:37,580 --> 00:10:38,630
We, uh, we know.
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Nice.
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00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,350
Nice.
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00:10:44,480 --> 00:10:45,530
Real nice.
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00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:50,499
What were you all doing? Spying on me?
Oh, come on, Kirk. You know us better
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00:10:50,500 --> 00:10:51,279
than that.
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00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,860
We were not spying on you.
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00:10:54,060 --> 00:10:55,110
Louise was.
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00:10:58,380 --> 00:10:59,430
Great. She's great.
132
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,700
Well, go ahead. Go ahead. Come on. Laugh
it up.
133
00:11:02,960 --> 00:11:05,550
I don't care if you won't die laughing.
Hey, hey, hey.
134
00:11:06,140 --> 00:11:09,690
It's not going to help me to run away.
It's not going to help me. Well, come
135
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:08,540
Hey, John. Hi, Kirk.
136
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:09,790
Good to see you.
137
00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:12,760
Yeah. So, Kirk, where you been all week?
138
00:13:12,761 --> 00:13:15,259
How come you didn't show up at the group
tonight?
139
00:13:15,260 --> 00:13:17,880
Oh, you know, I'm a busy guy, you know.
140
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:19,270
How are you?
141
00:13:19,271 --> 00:13:22,919
Yeah. Oh, and like I said, I'm going to
be staying here at my buddy's apartment
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00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:26,519
for another week, so don't be a
stranger, all right? Yeah. Kirk, Kirk,
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00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:27,159
you're okay?
144
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:31,820
I mean, I thought you might still be
upset about our finding out about Carol.
145
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,170
Carol.
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00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,770
Carol.
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00:13:37,710 --> 00:13:38,760
Your ex -wife.
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00:13:38,850 --> 00:13:39,900
Oh, that.
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00:13:40,190 --> 00:13:41,730
No. No.
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00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:46,950
So my wife left me for a woman and
everybody knows about it. Big deal.
151
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,130
aren't you?
152
00:14:08,131 --> 00:14:13,399
Now listen, Kurt, you gotta come back to
the group. No way. Everybody down at
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00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,919
that community center is laughing at me.
No, they're not.
154
00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:17,540
Will you stop being so paranoid?
155
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:19,880
Who told you I was paranoid?
156
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:25,919
It was them, wasn't it? Kurt, Kurt,
you're knowing this whole thing about
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00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:27,420
ex -wife way out of proportion.
158
00:14:28,580 --> 00:14:33,000
Okay, so maybe for a guy like you, a
thing like this is a little
159
00:14:35,370 --> 00:14:36,570
A little embarrassing?
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00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,630
A little embarrassing?
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00:14:39,631 --> 00:14:40,889
Oh, boy.
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00:14:40,890 --> 00:14:42,350
I got some news for you, pal.
163
00:14:42,650 --> 00:14:46,690
Going out with your fly open is a little
embarrassing.
164
00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:53,069
I get the point. But when your wife
dumps you for some brawl, that's not
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00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:54,120
embarrassing.
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00:14:54,670 --> 00:15:00,489
That's a pain that gnaws away at your
gut from the moment you wake up until
167
00:15:00,490 --> 00:15:01,590
moment you go to bed.
168
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:08,679
My friends found out that Carol was gay.
They had a field day. All they ever
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00:15:08,680 --> 00:15:10,180
heard was, Hey, Sundance!
170
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,080
What happened to Butch?
171
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:18,459
Look, I know what it's like being made
fun of. My ex -wife left me for my best
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00:15:18,460 --> 00:15:20,940
friend. I was constantly being
ridiculed.
173
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:22,660
How did you deal with it?
174
00:15:22,661 --> 00:15:23,679
Don't you remember?
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00:15:23,680 --> 00:15:24,730
I told you to shut up.
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00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:29,890
Well, I would never say shut up to my
friends. Well, maybe you should.
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00:15:29,980 --> 00:15:31,580
You sound like a bunch of morons.
178
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:34,710
Yeah? Well, those morons were right.
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00:15:35,030 --> 00:15:39,730
I turned my wife into a womanizer.
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00:15:41,410 --> 00:15:44,660
Oh, come on, Kirk. I'm crying out loud.
You got nothing to do with it.
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00:15:44,830 --> 00:15:46,090
Look at the facts, John.
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00:15:47,310 --> 00:15:51,350
Two years with me, I couldn't satisfy
her. I turned her off to all men. Kirk,
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00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:53,489
will you cut it out with this macho
garbage?
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00:15:53,490 --> 00:15:56,029
This is the 90s. People don't think that
way anymore.
185
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:59,709
Oh, yeah, right, John. You talk a real
good game, but deep down inside, you're
186
00:15:59,710 --> 00:16:01,850
thinking exactly what everyone else is.
187
00:16:03,439 --> 00:16:07,700
My wife turned gay because I was less
than a man.
188
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:14,320
Did you ever discuss it with her?
189
00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:15,530
John, please.
190
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,810
This is not the kind of thing a guy
discusses with his wife.
191
00:16:18,811 --> 00:16:23,419
All right, that's it. Come on, get
dressed. We're going down to that
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00:16:23,420 --> 00:16:25,939
You're going to talk to her. I guarantee
she's going to tell you you're wrong
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00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:29,550
about this. I am not going down there.
I'm not even leaving this apartment.
194
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,010
Okay, fine. I give up.
195
00:16:31,011 --> 00:16:34,419
You want to sit around here getting more
and more paranoid, imagining that the
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00:16:34,420 --> 00:16:38,270
entire world is talking about you and
laughing at you? That's your business.
197
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,420
If you change your mind, holler. Don't
hold your breath.
198
00:16:47,460 --> 00:16:48,510
I'm paranoid.
199
00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,460
I'm imagining things.
200
00:17:03,530 --> 00:17:04,580
Kirk Morris.
201
00:17:10,150 --> 00:17:13,130
I'll take sexual inadequacies for a
hundred, Alex.
202
00:17:13,349 --> 00:17:19,490
The answer is, unable to satisfy her,
his wife had to find a female lover.
203
00:17:19,790 --> 00:17:20,869
Who is Kirk Morris?
204
00:17:26,910 --> 00:17:29,410
Bless you all.
205
00:17:29,750 --> 00:17:32,610
And remember to say a prayer for...
206
00:17:34,120 --> 00:17:35,170
Who is this?
207
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:36,590
Cinnamon.
208
00:17:39,620 --> 00:17:44,039
Oh, hey, I want to make a very, very
special birthday wish today to a friend
209
00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:50,579
mine, Kirk Morris, in New York City.
Good old Kirk is 103, and he still
210
00:17:50,580 --> 00:17:52,480
met a woman he can satisfy yet.
211
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:08,700
There she is. Now just go over and talk
to her.
212
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:09,619
Come on.
213
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:13,119
Just come with me, John. I can't do this
alone. No, Kurt. Come on, just come
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00:18:13,120 --> 00:18:14,170
with me.
215
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,970
You don't have to say anything. Just
stay with me, please. Okay, okay, okay.
216
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:19,730
If you insist.
217
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:23,550
Joe?
218
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:32,930
Kurt.
219
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,660
Oh, I'm John Lacey.
220
00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:37,240
I'm Kirk's friend.
221
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:39,610
It's important that he talks to you.
222
00:18:40,690 --> 00:18:41,740
What's going on?
223
00:18:43,030 --> 00:18:46,709
Well, Carol, I, uh...
224
00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:52,330
John, do you mind? This is kind of
personal.
225
00:18:55,850 --> 00:19:01,390
Carol, why do you want to talk to me?
226
00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:03,280
Um...
227
00:19:04,270 --> 00:19:10,630
I was wondering about your little, uh...
gender bender.
228
00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:18,530
Did that have anything to do with my,
uh... sexual prowess?
229
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:21,330
Is that what you think?
230
00:19:22,710 --> 00:19:26,489
I... Well, I guess this is a talk we
should have had a long time ago. Yeah,
231
00:19:26,490 --> 00:19:28,720
yeah. Let's just keep our voices down,
okay?
232
00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,190
But I didn't decide to turn gay.
233
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,880
I mean, it's not like changing your hair
color.
234
00:19:36,380 --> 00:19:38,730
I didn't even know I was gay when we got
married.
235
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:43,640
I was taught that you go to school and
you meet a man and you settle down.
236
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:45,160
And that's what I did.
237
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:46,580
No questions asked.
238
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:50,880
And then one day I met Donna.
239
00:19:52,260 --> 00:19:56,060
And I just started getting these
feelings that I'd never gotten for any
240
00:19:57,760 --> 00:19:59,040
I was falling in love.
241
00:20:01,320 --> 00:20:02,370
So...
242
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:07,640
You mean your leaving really had nothing
to do with me?
243
00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,480
Well, in a way it did.
244
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,730
I knew it!
245
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:16,399
Kirk, if you had been some sensitive,
caring guy, I might not have had the
246
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:18,780
courage to walk out and become who I
really was.
247
00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:25,660
But because you were such a sleazy,
obnoxious jerk, you made it easy.
248
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,410
I did?
249
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,630
Your mother in Minnesota was relieved
when I left you.
250
00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:39,160
So, let me see if I got this straight.
251
00:20:40,620 --> 00:20:46,400
The only way it had anything to do with
me was not because I was a lousy lover,
252
00:20:46,580 --> 00:20:49,560
but because I was a sleazy jerk?
253
00:20:50,420 --> 00:20:51,860
Exactly. Yes!
254
00:20:53,980 --> 00:20:55,030
John, come here!
255
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:59,359
What's going on? I was wrong. It had
nothing to do with us in the sack. Well,
256
00:20:59,360 --> 00:21:01,529
you see, that's what I was trying to
tell you.
257
00:21:01,530 --> 00:21:02,429
So you're okay?
258
00:21:02,430 --> 00:21:03,480
I'm great.
259
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:05,600
I'm great.
260
00:21:08,290 --> 00:21:15,109
Carol, I want you to know, I hope you
and Donna are really
261
00:21:15,110 --> 00:21:16,160
happy together.
262
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:18,160
I'm really touched.
263
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:23,189
I mean, I always show it, but deep down
inside, I really believe that people
264
00:21:23,190 --> 00:21:25,900
have the right to live their lives any
way they want to.
265
00:21:27,090 --> 00:21:28,770
After all, this is the 90s, right?
266
00:21:35,340 --> 00:21:36,390
Come on, John.
267
00:21:38,620 --> 00:21:45,539
I cannot tell you how
268
00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:48,860
proud I am of you right now. I mean, you
took a big step today.
269
00:21:49,340 --> 00:21:53,580
Kirk, Don and I are getting married on
Sunday.
270
00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:57,130
Well, I thought maybe you'd like to
attend the ceremony.
271
00:21:58,240 --> 00:21:59,840
What are you, out of your mind?
272
00:22:05,260 --> 00:22:07,790
Right, like I'm going to be seen at a
whole wedding.
273
00:22:14,091 --> 00:22:21,639
Howdy, I'm Arlo Weed, and I just moved
to Baltimore to live with my long -lost
274
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,690
sister, Rachel.
275
00:22:22,691 --> 00:22:26,779
I'm the long -lost Sister Rachel, and I
may leave Baltimore for the same reason.
276
00:22:26,780 --> 00:22:28,900
We're flesh and blood, premiering next.
277
00:22:28,901 --> 00:22:32,839
Then it's a one -hour comedy salute to
Michael Jordan with Billy Crystal, Spike
278
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:36,229
Lee, Fresh Prince, Will Smith, Jane
Curtin, and more, tonight on NBC.
279
00:22:36,230 --> 00:22:40,780
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